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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,370
Three, two, one, and action.
2
00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:05,350
Hi, guys, it's a vlog update.
3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,710
The hunt for my bandmates continues.
4
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,190
The latest is I've added Mel on Facebook.
5
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,270
You may not remember her,
6
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,430
but she was the fit one
with limited singing ability.
7
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,230
No, Enrique, I'm telling Daddy!
8
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,870
Right, that's it, what have I said
about not talking when I'm filming?
9
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,830
Yeah? Do you want to just walk to school?
10
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,590
You can just get out right
now if that's what you want.
11
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,190
- Right, are we sorted, guys?
- Yes.
12
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:27,280
Right, good.
13
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,470
Action.
14
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,510
Hi, guys, it's a vlog update.
15
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,350
Now, you might think my life
is all glitz and glamour,
16
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,550
but sometimes I have to be
a bog-standard mum as well
17
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,030
and do the school run.
18
00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:43,230
Right, that's it, go on, get
out, you've made your choice.
19
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:44,440
Shut the door, please.
20
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,470
You're going the wrong way, you idiots.
21
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,030
How do you not know where to go?!
22
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,840
You've been going there
for years. It's that way.
23
00:00:58,920 --> 00:00:59,950
Can I just stop you there?
24
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,790
Everyone's quiet at the minute, you know,
25
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,270
it's just that time of year.
26
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,350
No, come on, Dane, don't be ridiculous.
27
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,190
Look, speaking as your manager,
28
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:11,350
I can honestly say that
you're 100% my focus.
29
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:15,550
What? They're not taking
your picture off the website.
30
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:18,310
No, come on, Dane, the
Internet isn't instant.
31
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,590
I'll need to get the
IT tech bods to do it.
32
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,350
Dane? Dane?
33
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,950
Christ!
34
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,670
Neil, can you stop fidgeting so much?
35
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,390
I can barely even hear myself think.
36
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:29,480
Bloody Dane.
37
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,390
So, Dane's fucked off to Dubai.
38
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,150
Can you take his picture off the website?
39
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,110
Yeah, in a bit.
40
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:37,560
I can't get this melody right.
41
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:41,590
Hmm...
42
00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,540
Do you think I should get the
iPhone X, or should I go Android?
43
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,300
Oh, I'm getting the X, it's
got facial recognition.
44
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:51,440
Yeah?
45
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,320
Retina... What's that?
46
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,630
Hey, Neil! Yo!
47
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,110
What do you think, huh?
48
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:06,950
Yeah! Yeah, Wow!
49
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,070
Very Italian.
50
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,190
- When did this happen?
- Last Tuesday.
51
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:14,990
Yeah. Sarah took me to this
place called River Island.
52
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,670
How's it going with Sarah the brass...?
53
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,430
- Sorry, Sarah?
- It's going well, actually.
54
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:23,230
We've been messaging each other a lot.
55
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:24,990
And is she still...
56
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,750
.. working in the brothel?
57
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,630
Yes, yeah.
58
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,030
Yeah, it's fascinating, really.
59
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,160
- I've learned a lot from
her. - That's great. - Yeah.
60
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:38,990
So, what do you need to get?
61
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,910
Well, I was thinking about
getting a pair of jeans, you know,
62
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,950
to match the jacket.
63
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,990
Wow, like a denim suit?
64
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,080
Yeah, I guess.
65
00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,640
So, are you guys OS or Android?
66
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,590
- It's a Samsung.
- Yeah, nice, nice.
67
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:05,470
Yeah, I thought about the Samsung.
68
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,230
I'm just really stuck
in the Apple ecosystem.
69
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,030
Yeah, you know, they've
really got me by the scrotum.
70
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,670
Look, I can tell you're nervous, girls.
71
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,750
You just need to remember, yeah, Victor B,
72
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,070
he's just like any other producer.
73
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,630
He just happens to be very prolific.
74
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,110
I mean, he worked with Variety
all the time back in the day.
75
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,670
Oh, well, he must be good, then.
76
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,390
Exactly!
77
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,390
And who here likes Ellie Goulding?
78
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,190
Yeah? Because he actually did
some of her early high hats.
79
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,590
Wow.
80
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,070
I shit you not.
81
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,710
And do you know the Clean Bandits?
82
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,430
Because he actually did the
bongo bits for the M&S ad.
83
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,790
- You know, the one with the bread in it.
- Oh, I remember that one.
84
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,150
Are you taking the mickey, Kim?
85
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,670
- No. - Would you like to come this way?
86
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,150
Oh, right, yeah, could we
get four wraps, some nibs,
87
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:54,350
and just any other freebies, any
sort of general cool bits we've got?
88
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,590
Come on, girls, this is
costing me a small fortune.
89
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,270
Come along. Bring my phone,
Kim, and anything else I've left.
90
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,600
Is it this way?
91
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,390
I don't understand why
you'd pay for an item
92
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,750
- that already has holes in it.
- What?
93
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,000
I'm just saying, this hooded
sweater looks damaged.
94
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,780
What do you think of these bad boys?
95
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,710
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
96
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,230
Yeah. If you think so.
97
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:23,150
Yeah.
98
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,320
I think.
99
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,950
- Is that Sarah again?
- Yeah.
100
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,150
We like to stay in touch
when we're not together.
101
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,000
That's nice. What is she saying?
102
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,630
"Hey, my little beaver..."
103
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,160
That's her name for me.
104
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,070
".. what are you up
to?" What shall I reply?
105
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,620
Just tell her what you're up to.
106
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,470
Are you paying for those messages?
107
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:51,640
Not any more.
108
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,320
It's all free.
109
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,480
Everything's free?
110
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:58,640
Everything!
111
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,070
- So you're dating?
- Yeah.
112
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,550
Yeah, I kind of guess we are.
113
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:10,390
You're dating fit Sarah, the brass?
114
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,480
Yeah.
115
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,670
Do you not find it weird that she's...
116
00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,910
You know, she's a sex worker?
117
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,790
No!
118
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,150
No, not at all. She loves her work.
119
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,240
It's her passion.
120
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,630
And she's really bloody good at it.
121
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,950
So, why would that bother me?
122
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:31,270
Well, because she's with...
123
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,200
She's, you know, if she's on...
124
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,750
Oh, I can't believe
that's come back around.
125
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,280
I used to wear stuff like that in Deton8.
126
00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,220
I'm going to go and try these bad boys on.
127
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,150
Fucking hell!
128
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,070
I forgot how much fun it
was being in the studio.
129
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,420
This takes me right back.
130
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,510
OK, let's start on the hook.
131
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,430
Who wants to kick it off?
132
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,640
- Anyone?
- I will.
133
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,150
What about...
134
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,950
? Given it all away
135
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,430
? I could have... ?
136
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,070
You know, this is actually really hard.
137
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,350
Yeah, I told you so, it's not as
easy as it looks, is it, Chantal?
138
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,630
Look at it like this, it's
like you're writing a letter
139
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,670
to somebody important. Maybe, like, an ex.
140
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,870
OK, what about...
141
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,390
? Given it all away
142
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,990
? We could have been something. ?
143
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,750
Nice, I like that. It sounds good.
144
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,110
Kim, anything?
145
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,630
No, I don't, sorry.
146
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,670
Come on, Kim.
147
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,830
Look, think about how you're feeling.
148
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,590
What are you giving away in the song?
149
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,790
I kind of felt like I gave a part
of myself away to my last boyfriend,
150
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,190
and I never quite got it back.
151
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,110
Sorry, do you mean your
virginity, Chantal?
152
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,710
I thought you were supposed to
share stuff like this with me.
153
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,350
I thought I was, like, your big sister!
154
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,520
- Big sister, yeah?
- She's older than my mum!
155
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,630
Sorry, what's the joke?
What are we laughing about?
156
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,520
- What?
- Anyway, back to the song.
157
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,990
Vic, can we get some lunch menus in here?
158
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,470
What do you fancy for lunch,
girls? Shall we get a bit of sushi?
159
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,110
Do you like sushi? I love a bit
of sushi, it's good, isn't it?
160
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,910
- Brain food. - Maxine, Maxine...
- Yeah. - We're in the middle of writing.
161
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,800
Yeah, it's a bit early
for lunch, isn't it?
162
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:33,110
Guys, my phone is actually ringing,
so I'm going to have to take this.
163
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,070
But, Vic, are you OK
to crack on without me?
164
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,630
Yeah, I'm pretty sure we'll manage.
165
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,990
Hello, Maxine Hancock speaking.
166
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,230
Yes, is this a private or business matter?
167
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,400
No, I'm not busy, no. Yeah, all
right, let's talk upgrades.
168
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,380
So, Sarah actually lets you do that?
169
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:50,960
Yeah.
170
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,230
Maxine won't even let me
do missionary position!
171
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,550
Oh, you should try military position.
172
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,830
What's militarily position?
173
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,670
So, basically,
174
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,310
it's when the lady lies
on her back and the man...
175
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,790
The man's on top.
176
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,150
Excuse me, sorry, Courtney.
177
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,390
I wonder if I can ask you a
question of a rather personal nature.
178
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,190
You might want to speak to the pharmacist.
179
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,430
No, it's cool, you got this.
180
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,710
So, I've been wearing a cap for decades.
181
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,710
And as a consequence, I've developed
chronic man's dandruff, you know,
182
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,470
it's pretty serious.
183
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,110
Have you got anything that would help?
184
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,150
Because I've just started dating,
and, you know, my girlfriend,
185
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,910
Sarah, she... she gets a little
weirded out if I keep the cap on
186
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,830
- with the lights off, if you
know what I mean. - Right, OK.
187
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,750
We've got some medicated shampoos.
188
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:36,840
- OK.
- Just here.
189
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,550
Something like that?
190
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,590
Great. And this is,
like, rinse and repeat?
191
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,230
Yeah. It should do the trick.
192
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,630
OK, great.
193
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:47,630
- You're welcome. - Thanks,
Courtney. - Good luck.
194
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,070
I can't believe you can actually
buy these in the chemist's.
195
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,520
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
196
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,360
You... You need the...
197
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,200
Ah, yeah.
198
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,270
Stallion! It's a longer battery life.
199
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,560
Yeah, right, people
don't actually use these.
200
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,550
You're joking, right?
201
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,390
Do you not put anything on your penis?
202
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,640
No... No.
203
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,790
I'm just going to pay for these.
204
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,040
Do you?
205
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,350
Darren, I will be forced
to switch service providers
206
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,400
if you can't give me
your best deal on the X.
207
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,910
Yeah, OK, yeah, yeah, I
know, it is your best deal.
208
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,040
No, no, yes, I would
still like the upgrade.
209
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,950
OK, well, if we get the
Spotify New Music Friday
210
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,590
then we're all set for a hit. I
will send the CDs straight over.
211
00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,750
MP3s... Sam, hey!
212
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,870
- How's it going?
- Oh, Maxine, hi!
213
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,990
Yeah. How's record company life?
214
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:49,510
- Are you still working for the man?
- Oh, yeah, same job,
215
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:50,750
same label, yeah.
216
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,150
You are looking fantastic!
217
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,990
Is that a new haircut?
218
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,350
Erm... Oh, I think it's just the same one.
219
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,190
Right.
220
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,750
What are you doing here?
221
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,430
Oh, I'm just getting a bit creative
in the studio with the girls.
222
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,310
Right, with, um...
223
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,950
.. Sweet Girls?
224
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,990
- Sweet Gyal. - Gyal.
- Yeah. Speaking of which,
225
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,590
we haven't actually booked in
that second meeting, have we?
226
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,990
Yeah, things are...
227
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,390
Fancy a casual sit-down now,
seeing as we're both in...?
228
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,310
Oh, God, I would love to
do that, but I'm actually,
229
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,350
I'm just in the middle of
something with a new artist.
230
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,430
It's really good to see you.
231
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,150
- You too.
- No, it's great to just...
232
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,510
I'm just going to nip back to it.
233
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:31,240
Is that a Diet Coke you're drinking there?
234
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,070
Uh, this is, yeah.
235
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,950
This is so spooky, Sam.
236
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,630
- Is it?
- Diet Coke's my absolute fave.
237
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,150
We have so much in common, don't we?
238
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,230
- You know what I'd like
more than anything? - What?
239
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,150
I'd love to have just a good rummage
around in that brain of yours,
240
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,030
you know, I bet we agree on everything.
241
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,310
Possibly, potentially,
yeah. Maybe, don't know.
242
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,470
You know when you just
really connect with someone on
243
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,830
so many different levels? It
doesn't happen very often.
244
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,390
No, I'm not sure that's what's
happening here necessarily...
245
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,230
I'm so sorry, Sam, just one second.
246
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:03,510
Hi, Darren, what now?
I'll get the upgrade.
247
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,350
Mel?
248
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,280
Oh, my God, it's Mel from Variety!
249
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,990
Yeah, that was me, I did the flyers.
250
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,470
Yeah, what are you up to?
251
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,550
Sorry, Sam! Do you want to
go and get a drink soon?
252
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,590
We can get an afternoon
jolly today, maybe...
253
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,470
- Sorry!
- Oh, OK, I'll call you.
254
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,280
Mel, what are you up to right now?
255
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:23,880
Mel, I'm en route.
256
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,310
- Have you tried sexting?
- Not intentionally.
257
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:30,660
Are you sexting right now?
258
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,520
Have a look.
259
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,080
"I want to lie back and let
you do bad things to me."
260
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,400
She means good things.
261
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,670
"I love thinking about you.
262
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:51,270
"You're spanking me and pulling my hair.
263
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:52,360
"Rub my..."
264
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:55,270
Oh, right!
265
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,710
Well, she's switching tenses quite a lot.
266
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,070
Well, keep going, you're
getting to my bit.
267
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,800
The meat!
268
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,360
"Yeah, I want to do that too.
269
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,400
"And then I want to kiss your
forehead until you sleep."
270
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,350
Are yours sexts, Mikey?
271
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,310
I'm not sure your ones are sexts.
272
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,920
Oh, they're sexts.
273
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,030
Don't be such a prude,
Neil! Everyone's doing it.
274
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,710
I'm telling you, it works every
time, you're missing a trick.
275
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,510
You've got to sext it!
276
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,830
Nah, come off it, mate, I'm past all that.
277
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,710
I'm married with two kids.
278
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,360
You know, I'm not a sex machine.
279
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,140
There's a sex machine in everyone.
280
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:41,790
OK?
281
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,630
My libido lay dormant for ten years, Neil.
282
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,310
I didn't even know what a libido was.
283
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,190
I thought it was a swimming pool.
284
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,680
An outdoor swimming pool.
285
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,710
We should go and pick the twins up.
286
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:54,840
Come on.
287
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,830
- Hiya, Max!
- Hiya.
288
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,670
Oh, wow!
289
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:19,400
Oh, my God, it's so weird
to see you, you look great!
290
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,760
Yeah. You're looking...
291
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,990
- .. well, yeah, really
well. - Thanks. - Mm.
292
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,590
? Bam bam
293
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,870
? Eh, what a bam bam
294
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,230
? Bam bam dilla
295
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,150
? Bam bam
296
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,510
? Bam bam dilla
297
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,040
? Bam bam, eh... ?
298
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,510
Do you think I should sext Maxine?
299
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,830
One hundred percent.
300
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,910
I'm worried it might freak her out a bit.
301
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,870
- It's not really our thing.
- Just have some faith.
302
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,270
OK? Make her a nice meal,
303
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:54,680
send her a sext.
304
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,200
I bought you a present.
305
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,040
Thanks.
306
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,440
- Bye, kids.
- Bye!
307
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,040
Neil!
308
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,990
Let me know how it goes tonight.
309
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,340
And give us a call if you
need any help, all right?
310
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,030
And then just after my carpal
tunnel started playing up again,
311
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,950
I was diagnosed with a fatty liver,
312
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,230
and that made me less concerned
about the thyroid stuff.
313
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,230
And after the diagnosis, Keith left me,
314
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,430
and it sort of all put
it into perspective.
315
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,360
You're a bloody mess, aren't you?
316
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,030
So, what's your schedule
like at the minute, Mel?
317
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,550
Well, I'm actually very free, Max.
318
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,190
I haven't really worked since the kids,
319
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,310
although being a mum is the
hardest job in the world.
320
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,360
- Is it?
- Is this about the poster?
321
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,950
Are you planning a reunion meal?
Because that would be lovely.
322
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,670
No, no. Listen, Mel,
323
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,830
you know how people say that when
you have kids you life's over?
324
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,470
- Do they? - Well, it
doesn't have to be that way.
325
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:55,680
- But I...
- Mel...
326
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,340
I'm getting Variety back together.
327
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,710
Are you joking?
328
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,990
What? No, I'm not joking.
Do I look like I'm joking?
329
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,230
Christ, I get more sense
out of the bloody twins.
330
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,550
What's happening up there?
331
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,670
Don't get me wrong, Max, I loved
being in the band, but look at me!
332
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,750
I'm a single mum with a
six-inch Caesarean scar
333
00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,030
and a couple of extra pounds.
334
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,030
I think it's more than a couple, Mel.
335
00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,400
Look, what if I said to you
that you could be a mum pop star?
336
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,790
- What do you mean?
- Think of it this way --
337
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,870
you're past it, and that's
what's great about you.
338
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,910
You're relatable, you're
accessible, you're nothing special.
339
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:34,110
- Right. - And I want Variety to be
a band for women just like yourself.
340
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,070
I want us to be the
first-ever band of mums.
341
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,790
Right... I'm not sure, Max.
342
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,470
Variety's all in the past now.
343
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:42,790
Look, the bottom line is, Mel,
344
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,350
it sounds like you literally
have nothing else going on,
345
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,590
so you should really be
biting my arm off for this.
346
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,310
Yeah, sorry, you're right.
347
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,790
At least it'll get me out of the house.
348
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,040
Is that a yes, then?
349
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,310
Yeah, all right, then.
350
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,990
- Yes, excellent. - Oh, shall we
get some champagne to celebrate,
351
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,910
- like the olden days?
- Yeah, all right.
352
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,200
Let's get rat-arsed.
353
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,350
Daddy, Daddy!
354
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,760
I'll be down in a minute.
355
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,620
Guess who just sealed another deal?
356
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,920
I've got Mel back on board for Variety.
357
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,680
Oh, fuck.
358
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,000
I love this industry!
359
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:42,110
- Where have you been? - Huh?
- Have you been in the pub, Maxine?
360
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,270
No, it's not a pub,
Chantal, it's a wine bar.
361
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,750
It's where deals are done, honey.
362
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,830
- OK, honey. - So where are
we at, Vic? How's it looking?
363
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:53,010
Oh, they're doing great.
Kim had a fantastic idea.
364
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:55,270
Christ, that's a first!
365
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:57,750
Oh, cheer up, Kim.
366
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,400
Well, let's roll playback, please.
367
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,550
That means press play, Victor.
368
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,910
Give me a second!
369
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,160
Oooh, someone's got their
knickers in a twist, haven't they?
370
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:13,590
Oh, Victor, calm down.
371
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,470
? Given it all away
372
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,270
? We could have been something
373
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,830
? You took away my heart,
I was so full of pain
374
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,310
? Given it all away
375
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,950
? I'll be OK some day
376
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:36,320
? The world has a way of
tu-urning my way-ay. ?
377
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:59,270
? You took away my heart,
I was so full of pain... ?
378
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,850
? Given it all away
379
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,270
? I'll be OK some day
380
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,830
? The world has a way of turning... ?
381
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,110
What the fuck?!
382
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,310
Maxine! We're recording vocals.
383
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:11,150
"I want to spank you and pull your hair.
384
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,110
"Is there anything you want to do to me?"
385
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,270
What the actual hell? Has he
completely lost it this time?
386
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,630
Did you not hear him?!
387
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,230
Can you shut the fuck up?
388
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,430
We're trying to finish this.
389
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,270
You've gone out, you've disappeared
and you've come back wrecked.
390
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,870
You're obviously more interested
in being in your granny band
391
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,550
than you are in helping us get anywhere.
392
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,200
Why don't you just go back to sleep?
393
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,830
Sorry, I'm confused,
what's happening here?
394
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,190
Do you want my creative expertise or not?
395
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,150
You're giving me very mixed signals here.
396
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,470
No, we're done with this.
397
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,790
Not this routine again, girls, come on.
398
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,940
Look, why don't you just leave so
that we can finish our song, yeah?
399
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:48,800
No, no, I should stay.
400
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:50,840
Right, Vic?
401
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,960
Maybe give us some space to finish up, eh?
402
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,190
All right, fine, have it your way.
403
00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,670
I need to go and sort this
spanking business out anyway, so...
404
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,840
Oh, good, I'll take that for the road.
405
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:19,230
Jesus!
406
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,480
- You're back.
- Yep.
407
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,310
- Anything you want to tell me?
- What do you mean?
408
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:27,870
The hairdo, the chicken Kievs...
409
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,710
Come on, Neil, I wasn't born yesterday.
410
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,870
What's going on here?
411
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,670
I just thought it'd be
nice to make an effort.
412
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,880
What was that message about?
413
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,830
Oh, the sext!
414
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,430
Everybody else is doing
it, so why can't we?
415
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,910
Sext?! The millennials have sexts, not us!
416
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,920
I just thought, um, it would be nice to...
417
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:53,110
.. inject a bit of excitement
back into our relationship.
418
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,590
Typical man, aren't you?
Always thinking with your willy.
419
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,510
Get off, Neil!
420
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,030
We haven't had sex in 18 months.
421
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,510
No, no, it's not been that
long, don't be ridiculous!
422
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,230
It's not been that long.
423
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,590
Come on, Max, we've been
married for 12 years.
424
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,990
I want to try new things,
like military position.
425
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,950
- Is that a thing? - Well, no, I
just want to get things going again.
426
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,400
You know, I'd be very happy
to go to a sex therapist.
427
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,070
I'm not going to therapy, Neil,
428
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:21,670
I already know everything about
myself, thank you very much.
429
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,430
Come on, I'm frustrated.
430
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,510
All right, Neil, there's no need to beg.
431
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,670
I know, as your wife, I
am contractually obliged,
432
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,110
whether I like it or not.
433
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,110
I don't want to do it
if it's an obligation.
434
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,880
All right, fine, have it your way.
435
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:36,750
No, but...
436
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,870
.. I do want to do it.
437
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,430
Jesus Christ! Can you make a decision
438
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,550
for once in your fucking life, Neil?
439
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,190
Do you want to mount this or not?
440
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,390
Sorry, sorry, sorry...
441
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,760
Sorry, let me just check this.
442
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,550
Oh, I can actually be
quite funny sometimes!
443
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,590
Oh, I forgot to say, I phoned Mel today.
444
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,160
She's a complete wreck now.
445
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,960
- Just give me a minute.
- Yep.
446
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,670
Mel had a very odd scent about
her as well, it was quite sharp,
447
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,590
like a sort of vinaigrette.
448
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,390
Are you all right there?
449
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:29,480
Yeah.
450
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,790
- I've got a surprise for you.
- What?
451
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:39,310
No, no, what the hell
is going on down there?
452
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,590
Get off!
453
00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:42,650
Oh, my God.
454
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,790
Is that a vibrator?
455
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,870
Neil, this isn't a fucking porno!
456
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,630
No, that's it. No, you've ruined
the moment, I'm not in the mood now.
457
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,670
- Horrible!
- I thought it'd be nice.
458
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,750
- For who?
- You.
459
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,440
You're obsessed, Neil.
460
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,270
? Given it all away
461
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,630
? We could have been something
462
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,030
? You took away my heart,
I was so full of pain
463
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:17,830
? Given it all away
464
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,310
? I'll be OK some day
465
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:25,630
? The world has a way
of tu-urning my way-ay
466
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,830
? Don't run away
467
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,670
? It's your only life
468
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,430
? It's not too late
469
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,590
? You might have one more try
470
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,360
? Sitting on the sand sipping
sangria all night long... ?
471
00:22:36,410 --> 00:22:40,960
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