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1
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,030
Bottom, bring me a
hammer and a cold chisel.
2
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:28,830
This pie crust be so tough, pixie
cobblers could use the crumbs
3
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:31,310
to fashion the fairies' dancing shoes.
4
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,550
- Could always try cooking a pie
yourself, of course. - Yes, Bottom.
5
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:38,070
Or a third way would be for me to
employ a servant whose skill set
6
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:41,270
comes slightly closer to
matching their job description.
7
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,510
Let me bring you a sharper
knife, Mr Shakespeare.
8
00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:47,870
Hold, sirrah! Parry! Advance! Hold!
9
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,950
Stage fighting is a key
skill in the actor's armoury.
10
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,430
Hmm. Yes. For "skill",
11
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:56,230
read "two mincing preeners
slowly circling each other
12
00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:00,390
"while occasionally hitting their
swords together with a big clang."
13
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:01,990
So exciting!
14
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,790
I know you long to play the ingenue
15
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,270
in my still unfinished teen romance,
16
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:08,270
but girls be banned from acting.
17
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:13,310
But it's so obvious that real girls
would be better at playing girls.
18
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,750
- Yeah, cos that's just really
logical, isn't it? - Um, yes.
19
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,590
Maybe you think we should get
real kings to play the kings,
20
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,230
or real ancient Romans to
play the ancient Romans.
21
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,550
- That's not quite the same.
- Or real witches to play the witches.
22
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,590
- I get what you are trying...
- A real St George
23
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:29,350
for St George and the dragon.
24
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,470
And a real dragon.
25
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,350
Real armies for the battles.
26
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,750
Real fairies for the enchanted woods.
27
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,350
Theseus and the Minotaur...
28
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,150
Where are we going to find a Minotaur?
29
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,190
Yes, all right, Bottom, I get it.
30
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:41,510
And you know I'm right, too.
31
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,270
Besides which, a girl on stage
32
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:46,030
would be nothing but a
proslington and a whoreslap.
33
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,750
Ha! Another brilliant argument, Bottom.
34
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,510
Because delivering blank verse
in the character of a dead queen
35
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,030
is obviously just code for,
36
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:56,200
"Hello, ducks, I'll fondle your
fandangles for a farthing."
37
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,430
Dirty talk won't win your argument.
38
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,510
Finish your great teen
romance, Mr Shakespeare.
39
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,390
Let me be your Juliet.
40
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:08,870
No, Kate. Quite apart from anything else,
41
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,950
I just don't think the public
wants to see a love story.
42
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,190
Certainly not one like your
Two Gentlemen Of Verona,
43
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,230
where the hero brazenly
cheats on the heroine
44
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:21,350
and yet you have her marry
the hornsome bastable anyway.
45
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:22,960
I needed a happy ending.
46
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:25,710
Well, it might have been nice
47
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,070
if it had developed out
of plot and character
48
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,310
instead of simply being
nailed on at the end.
49
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,960
I' faith, the maid is right. I
did just nail it on at the end.
50
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,710
I canst only hope that the
verse with which I nailed it
51
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,310
be so obscure that future generations,
52
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,830
trusting in my genius,
53
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:45,200
will just think they're being
stupid and have missed something.
54
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:51,310
- Look, I'm sorry, Kate. I know
you want to play Julian. - Juliet.
55
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,070
As I said, Juliet.
56
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,510
And I would love to see
the play performed,
57
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:58,590
but, as you know, it's a work in progress.
58
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,950
I've got my double-death ending,
but much else remains unwrit.
59
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,310
For instance, I need a lot more
lines for the amusing nurse.
60
00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,670
No! Don't do it, master.
61
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,430
Less lines, trust me. Kate read me a bit.
62
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,510
The nurse really gets on my nerves.
63
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,790
She could be getting a
teeny bit irritating
64
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,430
with her endless
clucky-duckiness, Mr Shakespeare.
65
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,430
Which is why she needs more lines.
66
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,720
You know my rule. If you're in
a comedy hole, keep digging.
67
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:25,430
I'm not going to do it now.
68
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,470
It's a romance, and I can't risk
69
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:31,950
a kissy-wissy, gropey-pokey load
of soply old mushington right now.
70
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,750
My next play must be a
smasheroo. You know my dream.
71
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,670
To be recognised now and for all time
72
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,550
as indisputably the greatest
writer that ever lived,
73
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,550
and to buy the second-biggest
house in Stratford.
74
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,190
Exactly. That's it in a nutshell.
75
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:47,750
In a nutshell? What does that mean?
76
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,830
Oh, 'tis one of the
numerous inspired phrases
77
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,070
which I am wont to coin
78
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,710
and which I'm confident
will enter the common idiom.
79
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,390
Well, good luck with "in a nutshell",
80
00:03:58,440 --> 00:03:59,830
cos I think it's stupid.
81
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,710
I mean, you couldn't really get
anything at all inside a nutshell,
82
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,630
cos they are very, very small --
83
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,230
and also full of nut.
84
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,950
The clue is in the name.
85
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,240
Your observations, Bottom,
are... neither here nor there.
86
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,830
- Is that another one?
- Yes, just invented it.
87
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,080
When it comes to language,
the world's mine oyster.
88
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:25,590
In fact, I'm so clever, I could end
up with... too much of a good thing.
89
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,590
- Maybe you should stop now.
- Can't.
90
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,590
They just pop up all of a sudden,
91
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,310
but give the devil his due,
92
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,430
there's method in my madness.
93
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,790
- Really, stop it.
- Why?
94
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:39,310
'Tis a foregone conclusion that
they'll leave you bedazzled
95
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,630
and in stitches
96
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,230
and before long you'll be
demanding more with bated breath.
97
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,710
The world's your oyster?
98
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,310
Why would that be a good thing?
99
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:52,430
Tad obscure. What the dickens?
I'll spoil my spotless reputation.
100
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,470
Must be tired. I didn't... sleep one wink.
101
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,630
If I'm not careful, you'll send
me packing on a wild goose chase
102
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:03,030
and I'll vanish into thin air
or be dead as a doornail.
103
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,870
Stop it!
104
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,190
I really mean it.
105
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,030
You're very clever, Mr Shakespeare,
but you can be an awful show-off.
106
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:10,870
But with... a heart of gold.
107
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,510
No! Just a show-off!
108
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:14,870
Aye, there's the rub.
109
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,550
Stop it!
110
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:19,550
And actually, I happen to know
you didn't originate the phrase
111
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,510
- "dead as a doornail".
- I bloomin' did.
112
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,710
You bloomin' didn't. William Langland did
113
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,400
in his Middle English allegorical
narrative poem Piers Plowman.
114
00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:31,550
I' faith, the bothersome girl is right.
115
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,910
Filched have I some of my finest
phrases from prior sources
116
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,310
and common usage.
117
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,150
I can only hope that as years go by,
118
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,030
the original derivation
will fade from memory...
119
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,160
.. and I'll get all the credit.
120
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,870
But never mind Langland.
121
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,350
We were talking about
you writing a new play.
122
00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,310
Yes, well, I'm sorry, but it's
not going to be my teen romance.
123
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,750
I need to design a hit.
124
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,110
Women love theatre,
125
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,270
so of course I must write a
heroine that will appeal to them.
126
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,230
- Gutsy.
- I like that.
127
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,430
- Tough and independent.
- Love that.
128
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:06,350
- Witty and headstrong.
- Feisty!
129
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,870
Feisty, Kate? I know not what
you mean. Be it a foreign term?
130
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:10,910
No.
131
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,830
I'm doing what you do, creating
a new word -- feisty --
132
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,670
to refer to a gutsy,
independent, headstrong woman.
133
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,280
Hmm. Not sure.
134
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:22,990
It's brilliant.
135
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,950
In fact, I'm a bit worried
it'll end up overused
136
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,750
to the point of banality,
137
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,910
eventually being appropriated by
any loudmouth harridan who seeks
138
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,760
to lend an empowering gloss
to being a gobby bitchslap.
139
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,750
Hmm. Perhaps best leave
new words to me, Kate,
140
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,310
because "feisty" just ain't going to fly.
141
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,350
However she is referred to,
you are going to create
142
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:50,870
a strong woman who is both
strong and a woman -- bravo!
143
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,590
Yes. And then I'm going to
crush, abuse and humiliate her.
144
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,590
Crush, abuse? But why?
145
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,230
Because while women may love the
theatre, 'tis men who pay for entry.
146
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:04,470
And thus have I in mind a
sort of battle of the sexes,
147
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,470
where a strong woman is tamed by a man.
148
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:09,830
I have no words.
149
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,000
Yes, well, luckily, Kate, that's my job.
150
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,350
I have come to see you, Mistress Lucy,
151
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,310
because you are a strong woman.
152
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,270
You have independence, your own business.
153
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,150
How did you do it?
154
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,750
I cut off the penis of
the cur who enslaved me,
155
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,910
stole his gold, jumped ship
at Tilbury and bought a pub.
156
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,350
I'm not sure any of that will
help me get onto the stage.
157
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:36,870
Pah! Lady acting is against the law,
Kate, because the law hates women.
158
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:41,430
Your only hope is to do as I did
-- use a man to get what you need.
159
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:45,110
Oh, ho! Will Shakespeare is your friend.
160
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:49,350
- Why, you think I should cut off Mr
Shakespeare's penis? - No, no, no.
161
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:50,750
Just get him to help you.
162
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,630
Persuade him to write a sublime
female lead and convince him
163
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,390
that only you can play it.
164
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,590
Oh, yes. But how?
165
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,870
Ah, ah, eh, eh, Kate.
166
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:04,320
You are a woman. A woman has
special skills to move a man.
167
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,440
Wait, you think I should
embroider him a cushion cover?
168
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,120
I suppose it might work.
169
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,670
Home am I, wife.
170
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:19,030
Let joy be unbounded. Father is returned.
171
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,510
Good journey, love?
172
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,030
Well, it's funny you
should say that, Anne,
173
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:27,790
because you know how up until now I
have never, ever had a good journey?
174
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,190
Yes.
175
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,870
Well, amazingly...
176
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,320
.. I still haven't.
177
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,560
I had to stand the whole way.
178
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,790
Two days with my face
in the armpit of a man
179
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,720
who appeared to be
actually sweating urine.
180
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,950
I am knackmangled.
181
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,510
Susanna, bring ale and pie.
182
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,680
Get it yourself! Leave me
alone. I want to die. Shut up!
183
00:08:55,920 --> 00:09:00,240
Don't mind her, Will. She is a
bit more sensitive than usual.
184
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:05,830
She hath taken up that burden
which every woman must carry
185
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,270
at the journey of each moon.
186
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,800
Oh, I see.
187
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:14,710
- Mum says you've started
your periods, Sue. - Shut up!
188
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,240
What? What did I say?
189
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:22,030
God's bouncing boobingtons, husband!
190
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,910
For a bloke who reckons himself
to be the world's greatest poet,
191
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,310
you've got about as
much tact and sensitivity
192
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,360
as Mrs Moo-Moo's flatumungous arsington!
193
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,030
She's not talking about Susanna's
women's business, anyway.
194
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,510
It's her character. The girl
is totally out of control.
195
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,110
She is so gutsy and headstrong.
196
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:43,200
Feisty.
197
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,390
Oh, that's a really good
word. A new one of yours?
198
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:49,600
Yes.
199
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,630
Just trying it out.
200
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,990
Well, she is feisty all right.
201
00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,390
And 'tis is not a
goodling look for a maid.
202
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,350
You should never have taught her to read.
203
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,590
Women aren't supposed to be
all sophisticated like us men.
204
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,190
And the thing is
205
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:14,590
our Judith be so sweet and
kind that all do love her,
206
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:18,510
and it would be awful if Judith were
married and Sue left an old maid.
207
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,790
Life is dangerous for a single woman,
208
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,550
particularly a clever one.
209
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,510
They be suspected of being witches.
210
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:27,630
Because most of them are witches.
211
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,950
Sue will need a husband.
212
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,990
But who will have the
feisty little bitchington?
213
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,270
I am still here, you know!
214
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,550
Well, what about this for an idea?
215
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,110
If Judith be so pretty and popular
216
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,710
and Sue such a feisty
little bitchington...
217
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,030
Arghhh!
218
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,190
.. then why do not I, a stern father,
219
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,710
announce that any young knave
who doth tip his cap to our Judy
220
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,390
must first find another
who will take our Sue?
221
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:56,430
Will, all the world is not a stage
222
00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:00,470
and all the men and women
ain't merely players.
223
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,720
Bit of a tortured image, my love.
224
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:08,590
Setting Sue up through Judy might
work in one of your comedies,
225
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,870
but it won't work in the real world.
226
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:15,190
You're right. You are absolutely
right. And it's brilliant.
227
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,030
Brilliant? I've just said your stupid plan
228
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:21,390
won't stop Sue ending up
isolated, pitied, despised
229
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,670
and endangered for life.
230
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:26,150
Yes, but you also said that
it would work in a comedy,
231
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,800
and it absolutely would.
232
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,630
I am sorry, Mr Greene.
233
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,390
I know you are anxious to see staged
234
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,630
a revival of your Bungay And Bacon.
235
00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:38,070
Bacon And Bungay.
236
00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,910
But we await a new play by Mr Shakespeare.
237
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,990
Shakespeare? Shakespeare!
238
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:46,670
Ever doth the upstart Crow
peck at my botty buttocks.
239
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,630
Curse him for his feverish fertility,
240
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,630
but I will finish him yet.
241
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,990
Remember, sir, but I am Master of Revels.
242
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:59,070
Perchance when the oafish
bum-snot delivers his play,
243
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:02,990
I will find excuse to deny it licence.
244
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,950
You overstep yourself, Mr Greene.
245
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:09,910
I am London's leading actor-manager
and not without friends.
246
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,670
Unless William's new
play be actual treason,
247
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,950
I will see you hanged
before 'tis denied licence!
248
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:21,390
Oh, you actors think yourself so
special, do you not, Mr Burbage?
249
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,470
You likewise, Mr Condell!
250
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,070
And me. I'm mad special.
251
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,710
You flatter yourself that you have
social and political influence.
252
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,400
Well, ha!
253
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,910
You would do better to
remember that you are naught
254
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,910
but preening lovey-kissies,
255
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,430
puffed-up, strutty, shouty boys
256
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,560
who people actually find quite irritating.
257
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:46,720
Do not make an enemy
of me, sirrah. Good day.
258
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,950
Puffed-up, strutty, shouty boys?!
259
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,870
Preening lovey-kissies? Outrageous slur!
260
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,190
Well, you two are a bit.
261
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,710
Shut up, Kempe. Of course actors
are special and influential.
262
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,670
Hugely special and influential.
263
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:04,430
- Mad special and influential.
- Yes, it's a great burden,
264
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,670
a deep responsibility.
265
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:06,950
I feel it very deeply.
266
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,510
Yes. We have a duty to use
our influence for good.
267
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,350
To point out, for instance,
that poverty is horrid.
268
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,710
And that cruelty is cruel.
269
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:15,830
Absolutely.
270
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,150
Actors have an enormous
responsibility to point out
271
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,870
that poverty is horrid
and cruelty is cruel.
272
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,550
Cos otherwise, who'd know?
273
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,300
- I doubt it would occur to people.
- Of course it wouldn't.
274
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,630
- So, we are in Padua, right?
- Where's that? - Dunno.
275
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,510
Italy, I think, but I may have
made it up. I left school at 14.
276
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,870
I don't do geographical detail.
277
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,470
You should watch that, Will.
Centuries after you're gone,
278
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,470
people may use it to
claim you were too thick
279
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,360
to have written your own plays.
280
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,510
Don't be absurd, Kit.
281
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,190
The idea that I never wrote
my plays could only appeal
282
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,470
to the sort of naive
fact-adverse fantasist who claims
283
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,630
that the monks sacked
their own monasteries
284
00:13:55,680 --> 00:14:00,360
to make Henry VIII look bad and that
man never walked on the New World.
285
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,310
I don't believe he did.
286
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,990
I think Raleigh faked the potato
in a garden shed in Catford
287
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,400
by crossing...
288
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,350
.. by crossing a turnip with a radish.
289
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,390
Then you are an insane,
conspiracy-mad coatspotter
290
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,830
and I can only thank benign Providence
291
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:20,560
that ignoramuses like you will
never wield political influence.
292
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:27,710
So, we are in Padua and
Lucentio wants to marry Bianca --
293
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,590
beautiful, sweet, obedient and, of course,
294
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,880
as hot and steaming as a fresh
cowpat in a frosty meadow.
295
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,150
- I must say, I like her.
- My kind of girl.
296
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,630
You don't think it might be nice to
give her a few tiny extra elements?
297
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,030
- What elements did you have
in mind, Kate? - I don't know.
298
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,590
A character, maybe? A personality.
299
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:47,950
Kate, you weren't listening.
300
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,470
I told you. She is mild,
sweet, obedient and hot.
301
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,150
How much character and
personality do you want?
302
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,870
I must say, you are on
to a winner here, mate.
303
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,270
Cool Lucentio falls for hot
Bianca and marries her.
304
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,630
Perfect plot, job done.
Let's go to the pub.
305
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,870
Oh, but I'm not finished.
That's not all of it.
306
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,750
- You've got enough. Quit while you're ahead.
- That's what I keep saying.
307
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,190
- You do this all the time.
- Overcomplicate things.
308
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,950
You've come up with a perfectly
nice plot of boy meets girl,
309
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,670
boy gets girl,
310
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:15,870
and then you ruin it with
all your usual rubbish
311
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,350
of mistaken identities,
absurd coincidences,
312
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,070
supernatural interventions.
313
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,310
People not recognising their own lovers
314
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,560
cos they are wearing tiny, tiny masks.
315
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,150
It's just daft.
316
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,430
Actually, I think Mr Shakespeare's
plot be already too complex.
317
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,350
Really, Kate? How so?
I've scarce begun it.
318
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,110
Well, boy meets girl, boy gets girl.
319
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:40,190
Why not just say boy owns
girl and leave it at that?
320
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:44,350
Perhaps displaying your leading
lady alluringly clad and in a cage?
321
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,160
Actually, that's not a bad idea.
322
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:51,350
Look, I don't need a new idea, or
a new plot, complex or otherwise.
323
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:55,110
I've got a plot and it's
brilliant. Lucentio loves Bianca.
324
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:59,750
But Bianca has a sister, Katherine,
who be all that Bianca is not.
325
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:03,790
She be bold, assertive,
opinionated, feisty.
326
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:04,910
Can I play her?!
327
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,110
No, Kate.
328
00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,030
So, of course, no-one would
dream of marrying her.
329
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,750
Well, obviously. You'd have to be insane.
330
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,430
Thus, Bianca and Katherine's dad declares
331
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,750
that none may marry sweet Bianca
332
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,040
until he has off-loaded
bolingbroke-busting Katherine.
333
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,710
Now this is good.
334
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,270
Enter Lucentio's pal Petruchio,
335
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,070
a charming but feckless fellow.
336
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,430
Loving him already.
337
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,790
He needs a fortune and he doesn't
care who he marries to get it.
338
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,310
What a rogue. My kind of guy.
339
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:33,990
He offers to take Katherine
340
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:37,950
and commences to break her
spirit by starving her,
341
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,200
refusing her clothing and depriving
her of sleep for days on end.
342
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,200
That's perfect!
343
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,430
And does Katherine cut this
pervert's throat in the night
344
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:50,710
with a rusty knife?
345
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,750
No. She allows herself
to be happily broken
346
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,870
and is soon hilariously agreeing
with everything her husband says.
347
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,590
I have a lot of fun with that.
348
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,230
Driven to a compliance
bordering on dementia,
349
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:07,110
Katherine accepts that the sun is the moon
350
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,280
and that an old man is a
beautiful young maiden.
351
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,470
That's going to get a big laugh, that.
352
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,670
Bossy bird goes raving tonto. Love it!
353
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,310
I'm chuckling already.
354
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,630
Anyway, Lucentio marries Bianca
and Katherine marries Petruchio,
355
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,950
and at the wedding, the reformed harridan
356
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,510
delivers a lengthy monologue about
women being obedient to men.
357
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,350
What, there's even a moral? I
don't know how you do it, Will.
358
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,310
Yeah, I've got to say, it's a winner.
359
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,670
It'll be your most popular comedy yet.
360
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,030
Mr Shakespeare, please, do not
write this appalling story.
361
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,110
Too late.
362
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,670
Did it on the coach from
Stratters. Burbage has it now.
363
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,670
It's called The Taming Of The Shrew.
364
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,640
Oh! Best title ever. End of!
365
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,830
I have invented a new phrase, Mr
Shakespeare, especially for you.
366
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,670
- Really, Kate? That's very flattering.
- Yes, it is.
367
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,430
For you are strong, as if made from chain,
368
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,430
exciting, like a pageant.
369
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:03,110
You have risen up from
nowhere, as if a city on water.
370
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:07,430
You are a guiding light and
the very heart of a man.
371
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,870
Your words move me, sweet Kate, but
I would fain know their meaning.
372
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:15,190
Why, mail is made from
chain, a pageant is a show.
373
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,150
The city on water be naught but Venice.
374
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:22,990
The light that guides is a star and
the heart of a man is his soul.
375
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,990
Put them all together and you get...
376
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:28,720
Male chau-venist... ar-se... hole.
377
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,680
I'll leave it with you.
378
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,630
Come, come, you wasp. I'
faith, you are too angry.
379
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,630
If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
380
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,270
Who knows not where a
wasp does wear his sting?
381
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:49,750
In his tail!
382
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,590
In his tongue!
383
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,000
- Oh, I do think this is good.
- Yes.
384
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,510
It's his funniest thing yet.
385
00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,750
Which is an insult to the
person of Her Majesty!
386
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,710
An insult to the Queen?
How be insulting, sirrah?
387
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,550
Why, by speaking ill of her
sex, 'tis very treason.
388
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,760
I shall not even offer it
up for her consideration.
389
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,350
This be not fair, Mr Greene.
390
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,230
The piece is a harmless
comedy, and you know it.
391
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,310
You overstep your authority, sirrah.
392
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:20,960
Er, nuh!
393
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,390
I think you know what to do.
394
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,030
Bacon And Bungay.
395
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,760
Good day.
396
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:33,550
- Ah, morrow, Kate. Will home?
- He has gone back to Stratford, Mr Marlowe.
397
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,430
Oh, shame. Now his Shrew is in rehearsal,
398
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,550
I was going to have another
stab at persuading him
399
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:38,870
to give me his Edward II?
400
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,190
He may need it himself.
401
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,630
Mr Greene refuses to show his
awful, abusive play to Her Majesty
402
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,150
for fear of offending her with
its dreadful attitude to women.
403
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,670
That bastable will use any excuse.
404
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,830
It seems to me that Mr Greene has
done Mr Shakespeare a favour,
405
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,590
for Gloriana is a proud member of her sex,
406
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,910
and her wrath to see women so
offended might have been terrible.
407
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,950
You think? Not sure.
408
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,910
Perchance you don't know
much about women, Mr Marlowe.
409
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,510
Er, kind of do. Particularly queens.
410
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,200
Especially Ginger Liz.
411
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,710
Well, my love, all is not lost.
412
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,190
It occurred to me that I
could at least use the work
413
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:22,310
- I've done on my play to help our Sue.
- How so, husband?
414
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:26,360
Why, to tame her, wife, as
Petruchio does tame the shrew.
415
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,150
I can't see how it can fail.
416
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:33,120
Tomorrow we begin the taming of the Sue.
417
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,760
Did you see what I did there?
418
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,390
I just came round to thank
you for saving Will's life.
419
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,830
I mean, I know you hate his
gutlings, so it was big of you.
420
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,830
Saving Shakespeare's life, Mr Marlowe?
421
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,070
I know not what you mean.
422
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,430
Why, by refusing to show the Queen
his traitorous, seditious new play.
423
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,390
Traitorous? Seditious?
424
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,190
- It be but a foolish sex comedy.
- Yeah.
425
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:01,710
About a strong, clever, determined
woman who refuses to marry,
426
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,070
whilst all around would see her wed.
427
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,400
Remind you of anyone?
428
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,350
God's boobikins.
429
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,550
I catch your thought.
430
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,190
How did I not spot this?
431
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,990
I thought only to set
aside his play for mine,
432
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:22,110
but now I see the Crow
is truly in my clutches.
433
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:26,280
I will be done with him for ever.
434
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:29,830
Can I have another bit of bacon?
435
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,230
Mark me, wife -- let the taming begin.
436
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,790
Bacon? Never. I will see thee starve.
437
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,280
What? You're so weird.
Shut up. Give me bacon.
438
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,870
Why, sweet Susanna,
439
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,390
this bacon be not good
enough for one so charming.
440
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,230
Is he pisslingtoned?
441
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,990
You are such an arse-mungel.
442
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,550
Arse-mungel, am I?
443
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,030
Kind Sue doth dub me arse-mungel.
444
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,950
Oh, that all the world
would call me arse-mungel.
445
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,640
You're an arse-mungel.
446
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,150
It's going brilliantly.
447
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,510
The girl be all confused by my
hilariously contrary manner.
448
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,430
Why has Dad gone all
weird? Tell him to stop.
449
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,510
Why, daughter, look through the window.
450
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,230
Is it not the most beautiful
moon you ever saw?
451
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,310
It's the sun, Dad. It's
morning. Are you all right?
452
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,830
'Tis the moon, daughter, because
I am your lord and father
453
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,390
and I say 'tis the moon!
454
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:25,950
All right, it's the moon. Who cares?
Whatever! Why are you being weird?!
455
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,470
See, wife, it's working.
456
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,510
She doth own the sun to be the moon.
457
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:31,630
Was ever a girl so tamed?
458
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:35,150
Now, to trick her once again
with my sparkling wit.
459
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,230
Susanna, spy you that pretty
maid sat next to Granny?
460
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,270
Be she not a fragrant beauty?
461
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,120
You're right, husband.
Our son be pisslingtoned.
462
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,430
- You mean Grandad?
- Not Grandad, child.
463
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,750
For Grandad is a wrinkly old man
464
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,360
with a face like a slapped scroting sac.
465
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,870
'Tis a fresh-faced maid.
466
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,830
All right, it's a maid. Have it your way!
467
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:01,870
I don't care! Stop being weird!
468
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,990
A-ha! And so the shrew be tamed.
469
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:06,230
Shrew?
470
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,710
You no doubt all thought
it passing strange that I be
471
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,390
so contrary with Susanna?
472
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:11,710
Shrew?
473
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,750
But now must own that by such tricks have
474
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,230
I cured her of her feistiness and
made of her a sweet and pliant maid.
475
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,230
Shrew?!
476
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,790
A girl who will agree with
everything her father says
477
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,870
and thus also the husband who will
one day replace me as her master.
478
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,310
Job done. God, I'm good.
479
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:32,070
You are the worst person
in the whole world!
480
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,710
I know everyone else thinks
I'm a gobby bitchington.
481
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,030
But I thought at least you respected me,
482
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:38,950
and now you're calling me a shrew?!
483
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:43,400
I hate you! I hate you! Don't
ever talk to me ever again!
484
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:46,920
Well, that went well.
485
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,670
Yes, well...
486
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,190
It may be that the taming
will require one or two more
487
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,840
witty contradictions
before it takes full effect.
488
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,150
Morning, Mrs S, Mr and Mrs
S Senior. Any ale and pie?
489
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,150
- I've ridden overnight from London.
- Of course, Mr Marlowe.
490
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:08,110
Kit! What in the name of Titania's
tiny toenails brings you here?
491
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,270
To tell you to get your
sweet country arsington
492
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,470
back to the theatre.
493
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,670
- I tricked Greene into showing
the Queen your Shrew. - Really?
494
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,630
How? He swore it would offend her.
495
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,110
Aye, coz, but I told him
it would do worse than that.
496
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,350
I pointed out it could even be construed
497
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,870
as a call for Gloriana herself
to be tamed and forced to marry.
498
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,350
Oh, my God!
499
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,590
- That never even occurred to me.
- Well... - You've condemned me.
500
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,030
Oh, don't get your puffling
pants in such a twist.
501
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,270
She loved the play, as I knew she would.
502
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:36,790
But how could you be so sure?
503
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:40,150
William, Liz has been on
the throne for 33 years,
504
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,670
daily making laws on everything
505
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,830
from what language can
be used in prayer books
506
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,670
to what colour clothing people
of different classes should wear.
507
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:47,990
And in all that time,
508
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,310
has she done one single thing
to improve the lot of women?
509
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:52,590
Well...
510
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,950
I can't think of anything offhand.
511
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,950
A bit disappointing, when
you put it like that.
512
00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,870
Far from feeling
solidarity with other birds,
513
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,030
Gloriana clearly loves
being quite literally
514
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,030
the only woman in the
country that matters.
515
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,030
She likes keeping the rest
of her sex in their place.
516
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,110
I knew she would adore The
Taming Of The Shrew, and she did.
517
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,390
- She adored it? Really?
- Oh, yes.
518
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,310
And, in fact, I confidently
expect history to record it was
519
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:16,790
one of her favourite comedies.
520
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:20,440
Can we get this pie to go, Mrs S?
Wouldn't want to miss opening night.
521
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,950
Thy husband is thy lord,
thy life, thy keeper,
522
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,430
Thy head, thy sovereign.
523
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,790
Such duty as the subject owes the prince
524
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,470
Even such a woman oweth to her husband.
525
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,360
- Hear, hear. It's brilliant.
- I think I'm going to be sick.
526
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:45,790
And when she is forward,
peevish sullen, sour
527
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,190
And not obedient to his honest will,
528
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,990
What is she but a foul contending rebel
529
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:56,390
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
530
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,510
Well, my Shrew is a huge hit, but
I take little pleasure in it,
531
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:12,870
for it has cost me the good opinion
of two women whose respect I value.
532
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:14,390
Yours, for one.
533
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,750
I still respect you, Mr Shakespeare,
534
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,550
for, although I think your
play doth sorely insult women,
535
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,630
you are a creature of
your times, and, in truth,
536
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:27,230
even now your misogyny be
less offensive than most.
537
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,470
At least you take trouble to
write your women some fine verse.
538
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,270
And you do realise that the
last big speech in the play,
539
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,990
the one where Katherine
calls on women to worship
540
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,190
and obey their husbands,
it's supposed to be ironic?
541
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,600
I mean...
542
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,080
I mean, that-that's clear, isn't it?
543
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,270
Mr Shakespeare, please.
544
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,870
Did you really write it ironically?
545
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,230
Or are you hoping that in
later, more enlightened ages,
546
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,190
scholars will try to get you off the hook
547
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,320
by pretending that's what you intended?
548
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,670
Well, you know...
549
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,350
.. either way.
550
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,830
But intrigued am I.
551
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,710
Who is the other woman whose
respect you fear you've lost?
552
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,590
Why, my lovely Sue.
553
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:16,990
She knows 'twas her who inspired
my shrew and is hurt most mortally.
554
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,150
I would fain make amends,
but I know not how.
555
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:25,390
Well, just because a girl is feisty
and full of spirit, like your Sue,
556
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,310
doesn't mean she values not romance.
557
00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,830
You should write another play,
558
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,670
one featuring a sensitive,
559
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:37,990
articulate, headstrong, tragic,
beautiful, captivating,
560
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,870
feisty maid of Susanna's age.
561
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,870
All right, Kate, you win.
562
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,030
I'll finish Romeo And Julian.
563
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,640
- Juliet.
- Juliet, yes.
564
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:54,430
I didn't find your Shrew play
too offensive when I saw it.
565
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,310
I thought it was quite funny, actually,
566
00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:59,150
if you just see it as a
load of illogical, stupid,
567
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,390
potty old bolingbrokes.
568
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,710
Thank you, wife. That's
a lovely thing to say.
569
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:09,670
And it's nice to have a stonking
great hit raking in the cash.
570
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,590
Dad! Juliet's beautiful.
571
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:16,790
Really, daughter? I remember you
once saying nobody talked like that.
572
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:21,230
I was 13, you know. I'm
14 now. I'm mature.
573
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,150
And I just love it!
574
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,950
- The end not too sad?
- Of course it's too sad.
575
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,230
It's endlessly sad.
Heartbreakingly, eternally sad!
576
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:30,750
I love it!
577
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,150
And you really based Juliet on me?
578
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,950
Well, yes, absolutely.
579
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,400
You know, you're a girl and
Juliet is a girl, so...
580
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:41,800
Direct lift, really.
581
00:28:41,850 --> 00:28:46,400
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