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It's 7:45 a.m. It's Monday morning.
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That means it's time to...
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[together] Wake up with Wendy!
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Today I'm reporting live
from Fillmore Elementary
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with fourth grade teacher
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and five-time Local School
Council teacher representative
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Brent Duffy!
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Happy to be here, Wendy.
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You know, every time I do your show,
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- you look five years younger.
- Ooh.
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Pretty soon I'm gonna be
talking to a little baby.
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- Come here. [laughing]
- Aah! Oh, I love him.
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It's not even 8:00 a.m.,
and he's hitting on her.
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Last year he gave me a hug
and full-on squeezed my tee-tas.
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Did you report him
for sexual harassment?
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Naw, dude. He said "honk honk"
when he did it,
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so I knew he was joking.
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You know, he reminds me of someone.
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Every year I've served, I've
learned more about our schools.
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And there she is.
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Well said. So, what are your
plans for the district?
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Mm, great question.
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So ineffective. For five years,
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he's been promising to enhance
professional development,
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but he never does it.
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The only thing he's enhanced
is his hairline.
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I want to make this district better,
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because it can be better.
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Back off!
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And since you're
currently running unopposed,
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that means you're gonna be
a guest on this show
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- a lot this year.
- Looking forward to it.
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- It's great. It's great.
- I'm running too.
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- Oh, who are you?
- I am Chelsea Snap.
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Actor, model, spokesperson,
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and teacher here at Fillmore,
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and I would like to officially announce
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that I am also running for LSC rep.
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And then my boring week was blessed
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with the most magnificent
train wreck of all.
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- Folks, we've got a race.
- Sorry.
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- [giggles]
- All right. Excuse me.
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
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Don't post this without a filter.
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[cameras snapping]
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You guys, I have basically
become a celebrity.
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I should've started caring
about the community years ago.
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I could never go into politics.
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Men aren't attracted to women in power.
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It makes them uncomfortable.
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I don't know, Damien loves it
when I handcuff him
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and grind my stiletto into his cojones.
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Chelsea, who are you going to ask
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to be your LSC campaign manager?
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- I don't care.
- Oh my gosh.
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Did everyone hear that? She chose me!
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This is so exciting!
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We've never had a female representative.
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If you're elected,
you could finally get us
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some relevant technology training.
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Yes. That is going on my platform.
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I need to learn Photoshop for
higher quality selfies anyway.
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Yeah. And the
Anti-Bullying Club needs money.
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- The bullies took it all.
- Done.
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Chelsea, this is important,
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but I got to know your stance
on snack time
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before I vote for you.
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We should have more of it?
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Finally.
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Okay, people. We need to move
if we want to beat Brent.
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The election is in four days.
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I'm gonna start with some
door-to-door canvassing.
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I do it all the time with my church.
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I've converted tens of people.
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[patriotic music]
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Hi-dee ho!
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Have you accepted Chelsea Snap
into your life
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as your LSC representative?
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Not interested.
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Hello.
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I'm visiting with my neighbors
today with the hopes
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of sharing the good word
of Chelsea Snap.
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Take me off your list.
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- Shh, quiet.
- [rustling]
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- Hello?
- She's here...
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I'd like to talk to you
about letting Chelsea Snap
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into your heart and life!
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[rustling, lock clicks]
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I know you're in there, Sandra.
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Oh, Mr. Cross. Hi.
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Do you have a moment to talk
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about the good word of Chelsea Snap
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and all that she has to offer?
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Hey, Mrs. Jones.
Is that your little sister?
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[laughs] Ahh.
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Oh, Chelsea Snap.
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You know, I never imagined
I'd be running
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against somebody so hot.
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Thank you, Brent.
Now if you'll excuse me,
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I'm on my way to the district offices
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to file my candidacy paperwork.
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May I offer you a ride?
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Fine. But just know
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our relationship is
strictly professional.
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I am taking this election
very seriously.
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Of course.
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[engine revs]
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[tires squeal]
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Morning, Tommy.
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'Sup, T-Bone?
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They are here. Wow.
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The buttons are perfect.
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Okay, I filed my paperwork last night.
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I am an official candidate.
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Chelsea, seriously?
You're supposed to be
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- campaigning today.
- [scoffs]
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Sit down so I can fix your sex hair.
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Great idea. All right,
we've got the bake sale today.
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It's a great opportunity
to talk to voters.
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Where are we, people?
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I talked to my bro-bro Pauly.
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He's gonna tag "Vote for Snap"
on some high-profile overpasses
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in exchange for some drug-free pee-pee.
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I've got your social media site set up.
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You have one follower FartMeister1000.
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So far, he's only commented
with "U ugly,"
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but I think we can turn him.
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I picked up the posters
I designed from the printer.
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You made me a lesbian?
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It's inspired by Rosie the Riveter.
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She's an iconic feminist image.
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She has fat elbows.
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Just blow up my Barbizon headshot.
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Oh, Caroline, what are you doing
with my hair?
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I'm trying to distract people
from who you are as a person.
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Vote for Snap.
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My phone won't stop autocorrecting.
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I don't love big ducks.
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I thought we agreed no sexting
at the bake sale.
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Mrs. Chan! Hello.
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Chelsea, this is Mrs. Chan.
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Her twins are in the first grade
here at Fillmore
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and she's the president
of the parent group
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Two Million Moms.
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Wow.
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That is a lot of moms.
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So nice to meet you, Mrs. Chan.
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So, our petition to take
inappropriate literature
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out of our libraries has really
been gathering steam.
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I hope you'll sign.
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Of course.
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"The Little Engine That Could"?
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Yeah. It's incredibly phallic.
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Entering all those tunnels?
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Thank you.
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What the hell did I just sign?
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She's got a point about that train.
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[gasps] I just realized
what the caboose is.
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- Is this your phone?
- Yes, it is.
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There is a penis on it!
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[dramatic music]
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- Give me that back.
- What kind of woman
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keeps porn on her phone?
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Okay, hey, everybody calm down.
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That's not porn. That's my penis.
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- Oh.
- Excuse me?
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Oh, yeah, Chelsea and I have a
consensual sexual relationship.
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I sent her that pic.
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You disgust me.
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It's gonna be a great year.
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Wait. What?
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- [slapping]
- Oh!
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Okay, last night's gaff was not ideal,
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but on the bright side,
your new posters are perfect.
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[gasps] The bigger I get,
the better I look.
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I put one above my bed.
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It was so nice waking up to
this morning.
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Moving on.
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Today after school is the
Fillmore car wash fundraiser.
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I've signed you up
to volunteer... holy cannoli.
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Oh, my God. Is that a dick on my face?
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Wouldn't be the first time.
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Sweet Uncle Jesse.
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Looks like word is getting out
that you're a slut.
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- Excuse me?
- Maybe you should've
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thought twice
before you distracted Brent
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from doing his job.
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Brent and I slept with each other.
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Stop dragging Brent into this.
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- Okay, you're clearly bananas.
- It's not just me, Chelsea.
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There are other morally
respectable people out there
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who will disapprove of your loose ways.
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I just have to tell them about you
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on my blog!
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- [gasps]
- She has a blog?
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On the Internet?
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People, we are under attack.
201
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'Sup, dudes?
202
00:07:33,569 --> 00:07:35,735
This is what's "'sup."
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Someone drew dicks all over my posters.
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You sure you didn't just send
the wrong picture
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to the printers?
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Wait a minute.
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If they think you're a slut,
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and we hang out with you,
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then what are they saying
about the rest of us?
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Why can't they just forgive you
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for your indiscretions like I do?
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I don't need to be forgiven,
Mary-Louise.
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- I've done nothing wrong.
- Yep, I forgot.
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This is our chance to finally
change school policy.
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00:07:57,125 --> 00:07:58,391
You can't give up, Chelsea.
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Oh, I'm not giving up.
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00:08:00,195 --> 00:08:02,295
I am a valid candidate with good ideas
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00:08:02,297 --> 00:08:04,064
that I stole from my friends.
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00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,666
In high school, did I give up
my bid for homecoming queen
220
00:08:06,668 --> 00:08:08,335
because Kimi Hansen was a burn victim
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00:08:08,337 --> 00:08:09,970
and everyone said "let her win"?
222
00:08:09,972 --> 00:08:13,206
No. I kept going and I beat her.
223
00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:14,808
When I was on my cayenne pepper cleanse
224
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:17,077
and I lost all the muscle mass
in my arms and legs,
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00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,879
did I stop cleansing?
226
00:08:18,881 --> 00:08:21,448
No. I got a mobility scooter.
227
00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:24,718
I am not gonna let those
Talbott-wearing tight-asses
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00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,420
ruin my chances
at becoming a household name!
229
00:08:27,422 --> 00:08:30,290
Ugh! Your voice sounds so shrill
230
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,758
when you're trying to make a point.
231
00:08:32,957 --> 00:08:35,595
Okay, gang, we have two days
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to get this sweet angel
from heaven elected.
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00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:40,367
Deb, up your social media game.
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00:08:40,369 --> 00:08:41,701
Cecelia, fix those posters.
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00:08:41,703 --> 00:08:44,214
Feldman, do something
that is helpful and legal.
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00:08:44,216 --> 00:08:46,473
Caroline... Caroline?
Where are you going?
237
00:08:46,475 --> 00:08:49,175
I'm super busy today.
238
00:08:49,177 --> 00:08:51,013
I have to label...
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00:08:52,214 --> 00:08:53,947
my label maker.
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00:08:53,949 --> 00:08:56,683
Okay. Go team!
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Today, we're going to be making
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construction paper rocket ships
to glue on Ms. Snap's poster.
243
00:09:01,723 --> 00:09:03,857
Can I make a space station instead?
244
00:09:03,859 --> 00:09:06,192
No. Everyone's making rocket ships.
245
00:09:06,194 --> 00:09:08,595
I need a ten-inch rocket ship,
246
00:09:08,597 --> 00:09:10,030
a rocket ship that curves to the left,
247
00:09:10,032 --> 00:09:13,233
and one with a really big
nose cone on top.
248
00:09:13,235 --> 00:09:14,834
Oh, and all of them have to have
249
00:09:14,836 --> 00:09:16,736
two circular clouds of exhaust
250
00:09:16,738 --> 00:09:18,705
coming out of their thrusters.
251
00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:21,141
[in deep voice]
I have some information for you.
252
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Excuse me?
253
00:09:22,511 --> 00:09:24,210
Are you aware
that Chelsea Snap is running
254
00:09:24,212 --> 00:09:25,779
for Local School Council?
255
00:09:25,781 --> 00:09:28,315
I'm glad, because Brent
doesn't do diddly squat.
256
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,683
Speaking of Brent,
257
00:09:29,685 --> 00:09:31,518
a trusted source has informed me
258
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,220
Brent Duffy got tested for herpes.
259
00:09:34,222 --> 00:09:36,222
Why are you telling me this?
260
00:09:36,224 --> 00:09:37,924
Did he sit on this toilet?
261
00:09:37,926 --> 00:09:40,193
"A vote for Snap
262
00:09:40,195 --> 00:09:43,263
is a vote for healthier lunches."
263
00:09:43,265 --> 00:09:44,731
Can you do that somewhere else?
264
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:47,534
I'm trying to maintain
plausible deniability.
265
00:09:47,536 --> 00:09:49,269
[computer chimes] Whore?
266
00:09:49,271 --> 00:09:53,540
"That is gender discrimination."
267
00:09:53,542 --> 00:09:55,642
- [computer chimes]
- [Adler scoffs]
268
00:09:55,644 --> 00:09:57,811
This one doesn't even make sense.
269
00:09:57,813 --> 00:09:59,612
Can someone please make
a two-prong rocket
270
00:09:59,614 --> 00:10:01,114
that splits at the base?
271
00:10:01,116 --> 00:10:02,515
Did he test positive?
272
00:10:02,517 --> 00:10:04,784
I know he definitely has
some type of wart.
273
00:10:04,786 --> 00:10:09,556
"Your remarks are perpetuating
the virgin-whore dichotomy."
274
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:12,292
- [computer chimes]
- Oh!
275
00:10:12,294 --> 00:10:16,229
On July 10th, Brent was seen
leaving a pharmacy
276
00:10:16,231 --> 00:10:17,597
with a topical cream.
277
00:10:17,599 --> 00:10:19,432
Wait. If he has herpes,
278
00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:21,935
doesn't that mean Ms. Snap
has herpes too?
279
00:10:21,937 --> 00:10:23,136
Oh, shit.
280
00:10:23,138 --> 00:10:24,371
I need more rockets.
281
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:25,739
We're working as fast as we can.
282
00:10:25,741 --> 00:10:26,973
That's not good enough.
283
00:10:26,975 --> 00:10:28,742
There are rockets on rockets out here.
284
00:10:28,744 --> 00:10:30,043
We need more!
285
00:10:33,148 --> 00:10:34,881
Chelsea, hey, we need to talk.
286
00:10:34,883 --> 00:10:37,751
We have a situation on our hands
we both need to deal with.
287
00:10:37,753 --> 00:10:40,487
Thank you for acknowledging
your role in this insanity.
288
00:10:40,489 --> 00:10:42,655
Well, I think I have a solution.
289
00:10:42,657 --> 00:10:44,724
There's a motel a few miles away
from here.
290
00:10:44,726 --> 00:10:46,292
If we leave school
about 20 minutes apart,
291
00:10:46,294 --> 00:10:47,312
take different routes...
292
00:10:47,337 --> 00:10:49,629
I'm sorry. Are you trying
to sleep with me again?
293
00:10:49,631 --> 00:10:51,731
Yeah. What did you think
I wanted to talk about?
294
00:10:51,733 --> 00:10:53,325
Unbelievable!
295
00:10:53,825 --> 00:10:55,324
She's doing it again.
296
00:10:55,326 --> 00:10:56,993
Get your hands off of him.
297
00:10:56,995 --> 00:10:57,994
Oh...
298
00:10:57,996 --> 00:10:59,896
299
00:10:59,898 --> 00:11:02,598
[chatter]
300
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,067
Why is no one coming to my station?
301
00:11:05,069 --> 00:11:06,435
[ringing bell] Whoo!
302
00:11:06,437 --> 00:11:08,004
La-la-la-la-ladies!
303
00:11:08,006 --> 00:11:11,574
It's time to get wet, y'all! [laughing]
304
00:11:11,576 --> 00:11:13,876
Special discount for mothers.
305
00:11:13,878 --> 00:11:16,345
Hi. Can I talk to you
about my platform for LSC?
306
00:11:16,347 --> 00:11:17,446
If you just have a moment
307
00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:20,049
of your time... Great.
308
00:11:20,051 --> 00:11:22,184
- Hi. I'm running for LSC.
- Yeah, I'll take a flier.
309
00:11:22,186 --> 00:11:23,619
- I feel strongly...
- No, no, no!
310
00:11:23,621 --> 00:11:27,123
You stay away from my husband,
you tramp.
311
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:29,022
Takes one to know one, Terry.
312
00:11:29,758 --> 00:11:30,693
This reminds me of the time
313
00:11:30,695 --> 00:11:32,328
Bill Clinton got to continue in office
314
00:11:32,330 --> 00:11:35,698
and Monica Lewinsky had to sell
upholstered tote bags online.
315
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:36,832
I know.
316
00:11:36,834 --> 00:11:38,501
I was gonna buy one out of solidarity,
317
00:11:38,503 --> 00:11:39,902
but they were too ugly.
318
00:11:39,904 --> 00:11:41,404
Yeah.
319
00:11:41,406 --> 00:11:43,372
Here are the campaign fliers
you asked for.
320
00:11:43,374 --> 00:11:45,508
Why are you dressed
like Carmen Sandiego?
321
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:47,343
Listen, Chelsea, I want to support you,
322
00:11:47,345 --> 00:11:48,444
but it's very difficult for me
323
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:49,745
to see you in a position of power
324
00:11:49,747 --> 00:11:51,580
when I know how many blowjobs
you've given.
325
00:11:51,582 --> 00:11:53,282
Are you kidding me, Caroline?
326
00:11:53,284 --> 00:11:55,217
Shh! Don't say my name.
327
00:11:55,219 --> 00:11:57,430
[gasps] I got to go.
328
00:11:58,089 --> 00:12:00,423
Stop having sex!
329
00:12:00,425 --> 00:12:02,625
Go [bleep] yourself, Terry!
330
00:12:04,495 --> 00:12:05,761
This is crazy.
331
00:12:05,763 --> 00:12:07,129
It's gonna be a great year!
332
00:12:07,131 --> 00:12:09,198
- Whoo!
- Whoo! [laughing]
333
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,866
How am I the slut?
334
00:12:10,868 --> 00:12:12,034
[rock music]
335
00:12:12,036 --> 00:12:15,004
Taste my honey
336
00:12:15,006 --> 00:12:17,707
Come on give me a taste now
337
00:12:17,709 --> 00:12:21,944
Tastes like candy
338
00:12:21,946 --> 00:12:26,415
339
00:12:26,417 --> 00:12:27,883
Huh
340
00:12:27,885 --> 00:12:31,220
341
00:12:31,222 --> 00:12:32,822
Aah!
342
00:12:34,359 --> 00:12:38,127
Look! She's treating this
like a wet T-shirt contest.
343
00:12:38,129 --> 00:12:42,331
This isn't Cancun, Mexico.
This is a school!
344
00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:44,166
Oh, my God.
345
00:12:44,168 --> 00:12:47,737
[breathing heavily]
346
00:12:47,739 --> 00:12:49,005
[whimpers]
347
00:12:49,007 --> 00:12:51,540
[dark music]
348
00:12:51,542 --> 00:12:53,642
- [ringing bell]
- Shame.
349
00:12:53,644 --> 00:12:56,212
350
00:12:56,214 --> 00:12:58,214
Shame.
351
00:12:58,216 --> 00:13:00,049
Shame.
352
00:13:00,051 --> 00:13:02,284
353
00:13:02,286 --> 00:13:03,819
Shame.
354
00:13:03,821 --> 00:13:06,055
355
00:13:06,057 --> 00:13:07,490
Mary-Louise!
356
00:13:07,492 --> 00:13:09,425
Stop passing out fliers!
357
00:13:11,129 --> 00:13:12,428
- Shame.
- Oh!
358
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,245
I haven't seen a crowd turn like that
359
00:13:18,286 --> 00:13:20,872
since Ralph Lauren stopped
making pleated khakis.
360
00:13:20,992 --> 00:13:24,293
How could they do that
to my perfect Chelsea?
361
00:13:24,295 --> 00:13:25,928
- Has anyone talked to her?
- No.
362
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,763
She won't answer my texts, calls,
363
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,665
or pebbles against her window.
364
00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:32,568
- Who got the edible bouquet?
- Chelsea.
365
00:13:32,570 --> 00:13:35,271
"Don't let the turkeys get you down.
366
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,540
In lust, Brent."
367
00:13:37,542 --> 00:13:40,143
[voice cracks] He really is a nice guy.
368
00:13:40,145 --> 00:13:41,444
[sniffles]
369
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,646
Are you aware of the slut shaming
370
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:46,182
going on on the Fillmore campus?
371
00:13:46,184 --> 00:13:48,217
[crying]
372
00:13:48,219 --> 00:13:50,486
Chelsea? Is that you?
373
00:13:50,488 --> 00:13:53,322
God, I can't hide anywhere.
374
00:13:54,425 --> 00:13:55,791
Wait. What are you doing?
375
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,393
I'm Deep Throating.
376
00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,328
Oh, enough with the sex stuff!
377
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:01,197
No, Chelsea.
378
00:14:01,199 --> 00:14:02,765
Listen.
379
00:14:04,335 --> 00:14:06,335
I've been talking to the janitors,
380
00:14:06,337 --> 00:14:09,138
the crossing guards, the lunch ladies,
381
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:11,807
the people who spend their
lunch breaks in the bathroom
382
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,377
because they've got nowhere else to go.
383
00:14:14,379 --> 00:14:16,045
You have their support.
384
00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:20,149
They're just afraid if they
speak up they'll be shamed too.
385
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:23,519
This isn't worth it. Everyone hates me.
386
00:14:23,521 --> 00:14:25,888
- I don't.
- Aww.
387
00:14:25,890 --> 00:14:27,657
That's sweet.
388
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,966
But your opinion doesn't matter.
389
00:14:31,062 --> 00:14:33,095
[sobs]
390
00:14:33,097 --> 00:14:36,065
[soft piano music]
391
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:41,170
392
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,371
[children laughing]
393
00:14:42,373 --> 00:14:44,640
Vickie? Why aren't you over there
394
00:14:44,642 --> 00:14:46,409
playing tag with everyone else?
395
00:14:46,411 --> 00:14:49,712
No one will play with me,
'cause they say I'm a mini-Snap.
396
00:14:49,714 --> 00:14:50,947
What does that mean?
397
00:14:50,949 --> 00:14:52,615
I like to hold hands with boys,
398
00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:54,786
so now they're being mean to me.
399
00:14:58,890 --> 00:15:01,190
You did nothing wrong, Vickie.
400
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:04,026
Neither of us did anything wrong.
401
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,661
Hey!
402
00:15:05,663 --> 00:15:08,264
We don't exclude people, okay?
403
00:15:08,266 --> 00:15:09,332
Vickie's the cootie queen.
404
00:15:09,334 --> 00:15:10,733
She holds hands with everyone.
405
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,768
You hold hands with everyone, Bill!
406
00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:15,705
We don't treat women like that, Bill.
407
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:18,341
Vickie is a smart, capable woman
408
00:15:18,343 --> 00:15:19,809
who is allowed to make her own choices,
409
00:15:19,811 --> 00:15:22,078
and she can hold hands with
as many boys as she wants to
410
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,980
without having rocket ships
drawn on her face!
411
00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:26,882
The big cootie queen's mad! Run!
412
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:29,452
[gasps] Did he just call me big?
413
00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:33,923
It's not her fault. They pushed her out,
414
00:15:33,925 --> 00:15:36,559
just like poor Ted Haggard.
415
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:47,436
Well, unfortunately, it's looking
416
00:15:47,438 --> 00:15:49,505
like Ms. Snap is a no-show.
417
00:15:49,507 --> 00:15:51,540
And you know what that means.
418
00:15:51,542 --> 00:15:54,877
It's gonna be a great year. Uh!
419
00:15:58,616 --> 00:16:00,416
Wait a minute!
420
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:03,452
[triumphant music]
421
00:16:03,454 --> 00:16:05,655
422
00:16:05,657 --> 00:16:08,190
Hello, Chelsea. Did you...
423
00:16:08,192 --> 00:16:09,492
did you get my fruit bouquet?
424
00:16:09,494 --> 00:16:11,727
Yes, and it gave me the runs.
425
00:16:11,729 --> 00:16:13,763
Ugh. Must've been the mangos.
426
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:16,532
Hello, Fillmore.
I know that you've heard
427
00:16:16,534 --> 00:16:18,634
a lot about me the last couple of days,
428
00:16:18,636 --> 00:16:20,169
but because of my gender,
429
00:16:20,171 --> 00:16:23,072
none of it has to do with the issues.
430
00:16:23,385 --> 00:16:25,941
My sex life,
although incredibly impressive,
431
00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,778
should have nothing to do
with this election.
432
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:30,446
And if you make it about that,
433
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:33,115
what kind of message are you
sending to your children?
434
00:16:33,521 --> 00:16:35,251
I don't want young girls to be judged
435
00:16:35,253 --> 00:16:36,919
by a higher standard than boys,
436
00:16:36,921 --> 00:16:39,322
or be ashamed of their sexuality.
437
00:16:39,324 --> 00:16:40,556
I'm a slut!
438
00:16:40,558 --> 00:16:42,224
[all gasp]
439
00:16:42,226 --> 00:16:44,193
If Chelsea's a slut just for having sex,
440
00:16:44,195 --> 00:16:46,228
then I'm a slut, too.
441
00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:47,863
We're all sluts!
442
00:16:47,865 --> 00:16:49,098
I'm pretty sure everyone here
443
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,867
has had a rocket or two in their mouths.
444
00:16:51,869 --> 00:16:55,037
I love having a rocket in my mouth!
445
00:16:55,039 --> 00:16:56,739
Me too!
446
00:16:56,741 --> 00:16:57,773
Hell yeah!
447
00:16:57,775 --> 00:16:59,608
I love you, Chelsea!
448
00:17:00,745 --> 00:17:03,379
Thank you guys so much.
449
00:17:03,381 --> 00:17:07,983
If I am elected, I promise
to fight for healthier lunches.
450
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,553
I will push for more relevant
professional development.
451
00:17:10,555 --> 00:17:13,789
I will listen to your needs and
find solutions to your problems.
452
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:17,793
So, please consider me, Chelsea Snap,
453
00:17:17,795 --> 00:17:20,196
as your LSC representative.
454
00:17:20,198 --> 00:17:21,997
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
455
00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,532
- Go Chelsea!
- Yeah, my girl!
456
00:17:24,587 --> 00:17:26,120
[rock music]
457
00:17:27,365 --> 00:17:30,766
Chelsea, win or lose,
you fought a good fight.
458
00:17:30,768 --> 00:17:33,169
- Aww.
all: Cheers.
459
00:17:35,443 --> 00:17:37,010
Ladies? Hey.
460
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,444
I just wanted to stop by and say
461
00:17:38,446 --> 00:17:41,599
that you are an impressive
woman, Chelsea Snap.
462
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:43,850
It's been an honor to run against you.
463
00:17:43,852 --> 00:17:45,385
That is very gracious of you, Brent.
464
00:17:45,387 --> 00:17:47,453
Give me a call if you ever
want to take a bang-cation.
465
00:17:47,455 --> 00:17:50,857
- Okay. Yeah, maybe.
- All right.
466
00:17:50,859 --> 00:17:52,458
- Yeah.
- Okay.
467
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:54,394
[laughs]
468
00:17:54,396 --> 00:17:55,328
What?
469
00:17:55,330 --> 00:17:57,430
Chelsea, I just wanted to say
470
00:17:57,432 --> 00:17:59,966
that I'm sorry for my behavior
471
00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:02,936
and acting like, as you would say,
472
00:18:02,938 --> 00:18:04,304
an uptight ho-bag.
473
00:18:04,306 --> 00:18:06,739
You really were. Yeah.
474
00:18:06,741 --> 00:18:09,509
No matter what happens,
I'm really proud of myself.
475
00:18:09,511 --> 00:18:13,746
Yeah. FYI, I may have led
a majority of the faculty
476
00:18:13,748 --> 00:18:15,048
to believe you have herpes.
477
00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:16,849
- Wait. Are you ser...
- We won!
478
00:18:16,851 --> 00:18:18,017
- [all gasp]
- What?
479
00:18:18,019 --> 00:18:20,553
We did it! We beat Brent!
480
00:18:20,555 --> 00:18:22,155
Huzzah!
481
00:18:22,157 --> 00:18:24,691
We won! We won! We won! We won! We won!
482
00:18:24,693 --> 00:18:26,359
- Whoo!
- Everyone can suck it.
483
00:18:26,361 --> 00:18:30,430
Everyone can suck my rocket ship!
484
00:18:30,432 --> 00:18:31,898
[squeals]
485
00:18:33,268 --> 00:18:35,735
I knew you could do it,
my sister from another mister.
486
00:18:35,737 --> 00:18:39,238
Thanks. It feels really good
to have defeated sexism.
487
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,436
Hey. You won. Smile.
488
00:18:41,486 --> 00:18:46,036
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