All language subtitles for Suburgatory s03e11 Dalia Nicole Smith

[ Buzzer, clicking ]

TESSA: Serving time in
Chatswin Penitentiary,

one can almost forget that at some point

your sentence is going to end.

[ Thud ]

Meeting with college admissions officers

almost felt like getting in
front of a parole board.

I stayed clean. I kept to myself, mostly.

I stayed out of trouble,
and I learned a lot

from the experience that I think
will help me on the outside.

I mean... at your fine university.

[ Chuckles ] Okay, Tessa, just relax.

Why don't you tell me,
um, a little bit about

your extracurricular activities?

Right.

Well, I-I held a part-time job

at one of the top crystal
retailers on the East Coast,

leading their sales division
to record earnings.

I performed in a multicultural
world-music band.

I played lead rain stick. Oh.

And when my best friend's family

decided to foster a Cambodian child,

I started an initiative
to help assimilate him

into Chatswin by sometimes
walking him to school.

Very impressive.

I hoped so.

I was doing my best to come off that way

since I knew the competition
would be stiff.

I don't have any curricular activities.

No, your extracurricular activities.

What I'm asking is,

what do you do besides
just going to school?

Oh. Lots.

I'm super into tanning,
nail care, red carpets,

my housekeeper Carmen,
blind items, Brody Jenner,

Bentleys, apps --

Both foodstuffs and the kind on my phone.

- I'm really into Molly.
- Molly?

My friend Molly Benzworth.
We met on a teen tour.

She's hella chill, but she drinks too much.

- Anything else?
- I'd like to be a writer someday.

I love Poe, Carver, Chuck Palahniuk,

A.M. Homes, Kingsolver.

This all sounds wonderful, Tessa.

Is there anything else you want me to know

before we wrap up our little chat?

I like snapchatting,
Skype-chatting, chit-chatting,

and I love, love accessorizing...

- Like so, so much.
- Accessorizing.

I just tend to put a lot of thought

into thinking about ways to
make an outfit really pop.

I wonder if you put

a fraction of that thought
into your grades.

Oh, I didn't.

I really try not to focus on my grades

because I don't believe they define me --

- Not the way a good belt can.
- I'm sorry.

Don't be. A lot of people
make the same mistake.

But I'm sure there's a waistline hiding

under that big, bulky
sweater of yours somewhere.

In fact, I know there is.

Anyway, you've been great.

Thanks for having me on.

[ Door opens ]

ALIH JEY:
Last night I
had a pleasant nightmare

[ Dog barks ]
Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com

DALIA: Okay.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

This is where you're gonna be
spending most of your time.

Seeing Dalia on the campus
tour for Havenbrook

instantly reduced it to a safety school.

So, you really think it went well?

I pretty much killed it, Mommy.

I really think that lady loved

all the super-dope stuff I'm into.

[ Gasps ] Like what super-dope stuff?

I don't know. Ask her.

She's the one who was, like,

jumping up and down about everything.

Oh! Dalia, this is so exciting.

I wonder if this place of
learning will be your new home

or if it'll be some other college campus.

This is the only school
I applied to, Mommy.

Wait. What? But why?

Because it's close enough that
I can still live in my room.

I spent a lot of time designing my room,

and I'm gonna sleep in it forever.

One day, my husband and children

are gonna sleep in there with me.

But, Dalia, what if you
don't get into this school?

I will. It'll be a cinch.

It's a 45-minute wait for a table.

Sorry. We're slammed with
all the college-tour kids.

You want to sit at the bar?

Fine by me.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

All right.

[ Indistinct conversation ]

You must be from Tennessee

because you're the only 10 I see.

And you must be from New Jersey.

No, Missouri. The "Show Me" state.

[ Chuckles ] What?

This place is such a meat market.

Do you want wings? The bar
is basically just wings.

More importantly, why isn't
anyone trying to pick us up?

I'm meat. I'm in the market.

Oh, I -- Oh, I'm sorry. Oh.

No problem. Excuse me.

No, this place is crazy right now.

- Standing room only.
- Yeah.

It's nuts. [ chuckles ]

Look at me.

Just chit-chatting with a
beautiful girl over here.

[ Clears throat ] Mom. Our table.

Oh, um, y-You're welcome

to crowd in with us if you'd like.

Yes, please.

Yes.

Uh, yeah... Sure.

I'm Tessa.

I'm Kenny.

- George.
- Uh, Karen.

Okay.

[ Trunk closes ]

[ Horn blares ]

Remember me?

Oh! Oh! I-I'm so sorry.

That is so Dalia.

Hate her or love her, you have to love her.

You do, anyway. Oh!

Well, you will, too.

Next year, she'll just
matriculate all over.

- Miss Royce, let me be perfectly blunt.
- Yes.

With Dalia's grades and her test scores

- and her general demeanor...
- Yes.

She's probably better qualified

for junior college... or the bling ring.

- Are you saying --
- She's not getting in.

I don't know. I have a good feeling.

About Havenbrook? Not me.

Havenbrook? No, I'm talking
about Karen and Kenny.

Oh... Them.

Them? Come on.

They were okay.

Okay?

Th-They're Ivy League.

- In terms of...?
- In terms of looks.

In terms of physical attributes.

They were smart and funny and hot.

They're like the Gilmore Girls.
[ chuckles ]

- Except one's a dude.
- You said it.

I feel like you think Kenny
is more attractive than I do.

Kenny is a babe, okay? [ chuckles ]

I wish I looked like Kenny
when I was 17 years old.

There wasn't a single
freshman on that campus

that was more attractive than Kenny.

Kenny is magnificent!

Also, his mom said

"The four of us should get
together again sometime."

So for the time being,
we're a package deal.

She's not getting into college!

- Our girl!
- Nope.

Well, you don't seem surprised.

- I'm surprised you're surprised.
- Carmen, how could you?!

What's gonna become of our Dalia?

She's gonna have to get a
job like the rest of us.

Carmen, be serious.

- She could join the military.
- Carmen!

You know damn well Dalia has trouble

with following orders and waking up early

and pull-ups and humvees
and short haircuts.

You can't take care of her forever.

She has to find her calling.

I don't like calling. I'm text only.

Dalia, honey. [ sighs ]

I've got some terrible news.

News that is gonna shake you to the core.

It is gonna make you shutter and cry.

It's gonna make you stop, drop, and roll.

[ Inhales sharply ]

You're not getting into the
only school you applied to.

'Kay.

No, but it's not 'Kay.

It's the opposite of 'Kay.

But I promise that one day
soon it will be 'Kay,

'cause with a little tenacity,
we are gonna figure out

what it is you were born to do.

Dalia, honey... Aren't
you gonna say anything?

On the bright side, I can
still sleep in my room.

[ Gasps ] That's true.

And Carmen can still keep
her job cleaning it.

So, I guess all of this worked
out really well for you, Carmen.

Who is having a great time? I am.

[ laughter ] Can you believe what
a great time we're all having?

- Okay, Mommy, here we go.
- Okay.

[ Beep ] Go.

Yours has picture frames and vases on it.

- Mantle! Mickey Mantle!
- Correct.

Yes.

- Okay, uh, we hate this person.
- Jessica Seinfeld.

Yes, but for us, the male version is...

- Nick Cannon!
- Correct!

Oh, yes!

Wow, looks like you and mommy
make a great team, huh?

[ laughs ] Uh-Huh.

Maybe we should, uh, you
know, switch sides.

Or we could take a dessert break?

Anyone want some pie?

I baked a salted caramel apple pie.

Ooh. You should take her
up on that, George.

- My mom's pie is award-winning.
- Oh.

I am in.

What award?

What? You said award-winning.

What award did it win?

Oh, it's just a figure of speech.

"Award-winning" is not a figure of speech.

It's a claim and...

Sounds like in your case it's a false one.

Okay. Go get some forks.
For the, uh -- the pie.

[ Chuckles ] Uh...

[ chuckles ]

I don't think she likes me.

Oh, of course she likes you.

Yeah, we all like each other.
It's palpable.

Yeah, you know, and remember, sweetie,

some girls like to play hard to get.

Speaking of, it's getting late.

We should probably get going.

Oh, but what about your pie?

Oh, enjoy.

I will get the plate next time.

Next time. Right.

[ Chuckles ]

All right. Have a good night.

Not to die on this hill,

but Nick Cannon has brought
a lot of enjoyment

to a lot of people and, unlike Karen's pie,

has won actual awards, so...

I'm just saying.

With college no longer an option,

Dalia set out to explore any
possible job opportunity

that didn't require a degree.

What are all those crazy robot heads?

Microwaves. And that's your station.

[ Sizzling ]

[ Indistinct conversations in distance ]

I want the office with the window.

That's the drive-thru window, and no.

I want a raise.

I don't think this is gonna work out.

Thank you for considering me.

Food service clearly
wasn't Dalia's calling,

so she decided to try Carmen's
advice about the military.

Get it, girl.

Al-Qaeda's coming!

And time!

Well, I guess master gunnery sergeant

isn't in the cards, which is a shame

'cause their emblem's so darn cute.

Maybe something more blue collar.

Or a Mandarin collar. Or collar-less.

Or maybe something more coveralls.

[ Engine sputters ]

Oh, crap. You hear that?

It keeps making that rattle.

Did you check the belt?

90% of life's problems are belt-related.

Car ready?

Oh, hey. No, not yet, sir.

We just need a couple
more minutes with her.

Tell you what, why don't I
have Dalia wheel you outside

so you don't have to smell our fumes...

And so I don't have to smell his.

'Kay.

I like your wheelchair. It's tight.

GEORGE: $50.
- No!

$60.

You do realize you are
trying to pay your daughter

to go on a date with
someone she doesn't like.

If I accepted, think about
what that would make me.

A team player?

You're a terrible parent.
Get out of my room.

Okay, what if I could talk to Kenny?

You know, change him.

What -- What -- What is it
about him you don't like?

Are you kidding, George?

He's a total mama's boy. He's pathetic.

Pathetic or completely justified
with an amazing mama like her?

What is so amazing about her, George?

Please, enlighten me.

Okay. Okay.

For starters, she smells fantastic.

She has long, shiny hair.

She told that hilarious
story about what great time

they made on the way over to our place.

She's a boring, beautiful woman.

You just like her because she's hot.

I, however, have slightly higher standards.

So, what you're saying is
you'd love to be there

but you've come down with
a bad case of rickets.

- I get it.
- You're pathetic.

Mommy?

Mommy, where are you?

Dalia? Is everything okay?

Everything is better than okay.

I found my future.

It was at that smelly garage.

[ Gasps ] Oh, my gosh, yes!

The future is always in the last
place you think to look for it.

You're a grease monkey! I knew it!

No, Mommy, I'm not.

No? Well, then what are you? Accountant?

- No.
- Air traffic controller?

- No.
- Tastemaker?

- No.
- Humorist?

Close your eyes and hold your nose.

What?

[ Sighs ]

This is Harold.

I'm his problem now. [ chuckles ]

But we have to build a ramp to my room.

That's Carmen's problem now.

[ Gasps ]

Dalia! You cannot do this.

You cannot go out with
that decrepit old man.

That decrepit old man is my everything.

We're soul mates.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I need to get him started on some fluids.

Dalia, he is not your soul mate.

He barely has a soul left.

You can't have any kind of life

with that dried-up, shriveled-up,

absent-minded, brittle sack of nothing.

Mother-in-laws never like me.

- I won't let you do it.
- I'm an adult.

I don't need you to let me.

I can let myself. [ gasps ]

Dalia's safety school was
an old man in a wheelchair,

so Dallas realized she had to get her

into her first choice
by any means necessary.

Miss Royce, what can I do for you?

You can let my baby into this school.

- I can't do that.
- Oh, but I think you can.

See, I'm prepared to write you a check

that will make you look upon
my daughter very differently.

So, what you need? New medical school?

It's on me.

Let's cure some things up in this bitch.

Miss Royce, please.

It's clear that you love your
daughter and I admire that.

But her admittance can't be bought.

It has to be earned. I'm sorry.

[ Sighs ]

I blew it.

I bought her so many actual gifts

I forgot to nurture her natural gifts.

That's not entirely true.

As I recall, she offered me
some very keen fashion advice.

She did? She suggested I "belt it."

I tell you -- it's made
a world of difference.

Even my wife noticed.

So, when it comes to belts,
Dalia really knows her stuff.

[ Gasps ] Oh, my gosh!

Not about your sexuality.

I totally called that one, but [gasps]

Dalia does have a gift!

It will be a cinch.

Did you check the belt?

Not the way a good belt can.

Which singer should we vote for, Dalia?

[ Distorted ] The one that can belt.

That's it! That's her future! I've seen it!

Belts.

Thank you. You guys look great tonight.

- Thank you.
- Thanks, George.

So, you do anything exciting today?

Are you asking me or my mom?

Both of you, but, Karen,

why don't you go ahead and take this one.

Mm... Well, I made incredible time

on the way to the restaurant.

I think I hit every green light.

W-What did I stop, like, twice, Kenny?

I don't know. So, Tessa's really sick, huh?

What did you say she had?

Rickets. [ chuckles ] No, I
know what you're thinking.

But th-they are back in a big way.

She might die, so... She'll
be fine, though, someday.

She just needs to get some sunlight...

[ clears throat ] ...And, uh, milk?

I think? I don't know.

Anyway, so, Karen, GPS or free-balling?

I think you're full of it. I
don't think Tessa's really sick.

- Kenny. - No, she -- No,
she's absolutely sick.

- Then I'm gonna go check on her.
- Great idea.

And I suppose she'll be
really happy to see me.

Yes. If she isn't, it's
o-on account of the...

- Rickets.
- The rickets. Exactly.

Oh.

Ohh.

Kenny just really likes your daughter.

I know how he feels.

[ Chuckles ] But I should
probably be honest, Karen.

I don't think the feeling's mutual.

Tessa doesn't have rickets. I wish she did.

Well, I-I don't wish she did.

I wish that was why she's not here.

She's just not... Into Kenny, you know?

Not the way I'm into you.

Hmm. I know how she feels.

- I thought you loved Kenny.
- I love Kenny!

I'm talking about you.

I only agreed to go out with you

because Kenny was so smitten
with your daughter.

But if that's not
happening, neither is this.

Yeah, well, guess who's
getting stuck in rush hour.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Both grunting ]

You need to stop eating carbs, Harold.

I weigh 63 pounds, you weakling.

Dalia Oprah! Drop that elderly!

W-Whoa!

Dalia, I sincerely apologize
if I have ill-prepared you

for the world and/or made you feel

like you didn't have a place, but you do!

I glimpsed it.

The answer has been right below
our waists this whole time.

- Hooking?
- No, silly. Belts!

Belts? What kind of belts?

Leather belts, replacement
belts, buckle belts,

title belts, braided belts,
sour belts, skinny belts,

wide belts, snake belts,
chain belts, cummerbunds,

big buckle belts, elastic belts, sash?

That's what I'm trying to tell --

Studded belts, beaded belts, printed belts,

woven belts, cowboy belts,

monogrammed, natural fiber, attached?

You done?

- I truly believe --
- Grosgrain self-tie.

...We found your calling.

I'm breaking up with you.

[ laughter ]

Kenny, I-I'm sorry I lied to you.

Tessa does not have rickets as you can see.

She just didn't want to hang out with you.

Actually... Kenny's cool.

He's a lot easier to like

when I'm not being forced to like him.

Yeah, we get along a lot better

when our parents aren't around.

Really?

You don't think the same could be...

Is it worth trying again
with your awesome mom?

Sure. Go for it.

Hey, nothing ventured.

[ Door opens ] Not a chance in hell.

[ Door closes ] I wasn't even in
college yet and I was already leaving

poor George to fend for himself.

But the fact was, the future was coming

and all any of us could
do to prepare for it

was... buckle up.

Get 'em, girl.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Can I help you?

- These belts are awesome.
- I know.

I'll take all of them.

Cash or credit?

Cash or credit, baby?

Cash.

He's heavier than he looks,
so lift with your knees.

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

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