All language subtitles for Pie.in.the.Sky.S01E02.The.Truth.Will.Out.AMZN-Hi OFF

♫♫

Ah, Margaret, there you are.
Just in time.

Hi, Margaret --
The electrician

hasn´t turned up again
and you know,

Debbie was going to
give me a hand

with the waitressing,
but she´s got a job.

Sensible girl.

Now, come on, you two,
have some of this.

Here we are.
Broccoli cheese soufflé.

Oh, I´m sorry, Henry, I had
a sandwich on the road.

I´ll have some later.

Have some lat--
Margaret, it´s a soufflé.

You don´t have it later,
it´s now or never.

You´ve got to seize
the fleeting moment

before it´s gone,
never to return.

Henry, did you hear
what Linda said

about the new waitress?

Not enough seasoning.

And what about
the electrician?

I´m looking for the owner --
Mr. Crabbe.

Yes, that´s me.

Yes, I like it.

I like it.

Congratulations, Mr. Crabbe.
I´m impressed.

Jasper Snape.
Cuisine Tech Ltd.

Specialists in food
restauration equipment.

Specialists in what?

Seeing is believing,
Mr. Crabbe.

I´ll firstly point out
the Baker´s Chum.

Injects pressurized steam
into croissants, rolls,

baps, and burger buns.

The nozzle here is inserted
into the food item,

leaving an almost
invisible incision.

Once revived, the item
can be presented

to the customer
with complete confidence.

Am I to understand that
you´re trying

to sell me a device that injects
steam into stale rolls?

What a marvelous idea.

And you see,
we don´t accept

the concept of staleness,
Mr. Crabbe.

We prefer to talk
about "food fatigue."

Listen, pal, you´ve
come to the wrong place.

Out.

And here´s Mr. Cheesy,
the cheese reviver.

"Mr. Cheesy"? Good God, man,
have you gone insane? Out!

All right, steady on.
Out!

Keep your hair on.

Steve,
try to restrain him.

Out! Out!

Chef!

Good afternoon, sir.

Constable.

Crabbe, a word.

I want you to meet

Chief Superintendent
Barry Simmonds.

This is Crabbe?

I want you to find
a policeman for me.

What?

Chief Superintendent
Simmonds runs

the Regional Crime Squad
based at Beddingley.

A DC there has gone missing.
Barry.

Thank you, sir.

Detective Constable
Kenneth Shipley.

I´ve known him
for years.

In fact, we started out
in the job together.

The thing is, Ken´s had
a few problems of late.

He´s been under
serious stress

and I´m worried
he´s finally cracked.

Now, the guy´s a friend,
I want to see if I

can help him before he does
himself some serious damage.

What am I supposed
to do?

Find him, talk to him,

tell him to report back
on duty,

and I´ll do
everything I can

to sort things out
for him.

Mr. Fisher tells me
you´re good

in delicate situations
of this nature.

Would you excuse me
just one moment, sir?

Sir, could I just
have a word here,

in private --
thank you.

What´s the problem,
Crabbe?

You don´t expect me to drop
everything just like that

because some wayward
copper´s done a bunk?

That´s exactly what
I expect you to do.

Shipley´s
seriously unstable.

God knows what mischief
he´ll stir up.

He´s a fellow officer,
Crabbe, we owe it to him

to sort this thing out
as quietly as possible.

Yes, but I´m supposed
to open

the restaurant
Saturday night.

I shouldn´t have to
remind you you´re still

in deep trouble over
the Hooperman business.

People want your hide
for that, Crabbe.

If I don´t get
your cooperation,

I might let them have it.

Am I looking at next
week´s coq au vin?

Certainly not --
those are laying hens.

The skin is the most fattening
part of a chicken, you know?

i never eat the skin.

Really? I´m quite
partial to skin myself.

I know what´s good
for me, Crabbe.

I hope you do.

Cambridge will brief you

when she picks you up
tomorrow morning.

Well, I finally caught up
with my paperwork.

Why are you hanging about
in the dark?

Because the lights
don´t work.

Well, you know
why that is.

Because the electrician
didn´t come today, I know.

Here,
try some of this.

Moulin à vent.

It´s rather good.

Then you´ll have to
chase him up, Henry.

And you´re going to
have to find someone

to help Linda -- one
waitress isn´t enough.

You´ve only got ´til
Saturday to do it.

It´s all right.
I´m postponing the opening.

So there´s no need
to panic.

What?

It´s Fisher,
he´s got a job for me.

Well, you can´t
postpone it.

I´ve spoken to one of my
clients about the restaurant.

You know Jack Hastings,
he owned the garage?

Well, he´s booked
a table for six,

7:30 Saturday,
so there.

Margaret,
what have you done?

You can´t put it off
forever, Henry.

Money has got to start
coming in as well as going out.

But a table for six?
Good God.

Six?!

Where are we going to
put them

Or there?

I mean, let´s see --
let´s say

they have a set meal at,
what, £16 a head.

What about here,
in the middle of things?

But then what if
nobody else comes?

Here they´ll be,
marooned.

There´ll be aperitifs,
there´ll be house wine.

It´ll be like dinner
on the Marie Celeste.

Henry, it´ll be
130 quid, minimum.

It is a start.

What´s the matter?

Well, it´s just sunk in --
complete strangers

are going to come here
and eat my food.

I know.
Extraordinary, isn´t it?

Do you think I could have
some soda water in this?

48, 49, 50.
There, now.

Don´t forget --
I want those fittings

for the ceilings,
all right?

I want those
for the walls,

and I want a couple
of those

for behind the bar.

No problem.

And you
will do it today?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, I know things
have been a bit rough,

but I´m
on this job 100%.

That´s good news because
we´re open on Saturday.

Oh, absolutely.
No worries.

Higgins.

Thanks.

Seems that DC Shipley´s
fallen in with

this documentary filmmaker
called Giles Romney.

They´ve had their problems
at Beddingley nick of late,.

and the last thing they want
is more bad publicity.

But what am I supposed
to do about it?

Find Shipley,
try and win his confidence.

Find out what kind of tales
he´s been telling Romney

and report back
to Simmonds.

You know,
this whole thing

is a wild goose chase
devised by Fisher,

with the sole purpose
of sabotaging

the restaurant´s opening.

Never underestimate
the petty vindictiveness

of those in power,
Cambridge.

At least you don´t
have to find Shipley.

I think I´ve
already done that.

Marvelous.

Romney´s got his own
production company.

You know -- a fax machine
in the bedroom,

girlfriend answering
the phone,

that sort of thing --
anyway, I called her,

pretended I was
from Channel 4,

had to speak to Romney
urgently.

She gave me a number.
This is where Romney is.

The Nebditsch
Intercontinental Hotel

and Conference Centre.

Romney asked her to book
two double rooms.

Seems reasonable to assume

that one of them´s
for Shipley.

I can´t wait.

Shop?

All right,
we will check in,

but I warn you,
Cambridge --

I´ve no intention of
spending the night here.

If we find Shipley,
I´ll chat him up,

we´ll go through
the motions,

then it´s straight back
to my kitchen

and Fisher can do
what he likes.

Shop!

Where is everybody?

I mean, you´d think
that a place like this

would be crawling
with staff,

agog at the sight of
actual, paying customers.

"Eh! You´d better get
down to reception --

someone´s trying
to check in!"

"What, customers
in the hotel?

This, I got to see."

Sir.

Good morning.

Good morning, sir, madam.

Welcome to Nebditsch
Intercontinental.

Mm-hmm.
Thanks, Chief.

Have another look when you´re
fitting the water tank.

Yeah. Bye.

I´ve just seen
Giles Romney in the bar.

He´s on his own,
but a waiter told me

he checked in
with another man,

who hasn´t been out
of his room in two days.

Sir, are you
all right?

My hens have
stopped laying.

I see. So what are you
going to do about it?

Well, if they haven´t
started between now

and Saturday night,
I shall just have to

go out and buy some,
won´t I?

It´s very disappointing,
Cambridge, I was determined

to use my earnings
on the opening night.

No, I mean
about Romney.

Oh, I´ll just
chat him up, I suppose.

So, tell me about these
documentaries he makes.

They´re pretty
controversial.

There was a famous one
about nuclear waste

and there was one about
drug-taking among athletes.

They both won awards.

Well, now he´s making a film
about DC Kenneth Shipley?

Cambridge, are you
telling me

all you know
about this?

I don´t think I understand, sir.

Hm. Well, I think I´d better
do this bit on my own.

Gin and tonic, please.

No ice, no slice.

These days, you see,
they give you

these sliced lemons,
have you noticed?

They slice these lemons
in the factory,

bung them in a little
plastic bag,

then hose them down with
some sort of preservative

and Bob´s your uncle,
it´s all for

the customer´s
convenience.

In fact, it´s got
more to do with

their convenience,
really.

I mean, a fresh lemon
would be most convenient

for me,
from my point of view.

Then, of course,
there´s the water.

I mean, all the water
that comes down here

is passed through everybody
in this county twice over.

That´s why I always specify
"no ice, no slice."

Really?

Cheers.
Cheers.

You´re Giles Romney,
aren´t you?

What?

The famous filmmaker.
Go on, it is you, isn´t it?

Oh --

Hey, hey, hey, that one
about the nuclear waste --

brilliant, brilliant.

Do me a favor,
will you?

Don´t mention my name,
okay?

I´m, like, working
on something

and it´s a very...
delicate situation.

Hey, Romney, you don´t
have to worry about me.

Absolutely shtum.

So what´s it about,
exactly?

Look, I´d rather not
talk about it, okay?

Fine, fine.

Nothing to do with Detective
Constable Kenneth Shipley, then?

Steady, steady.

Another one
for the gentleman.

Look, who the hell
are you?

Henry Crabbe.
Pleased to meet you.

Are you a policeman?

Well, sort of.

Suspended,
pending retirement.

I got shot in the leg.
Now, that would make a film.

How did you find me?
No, don´t tell me.

That phone call
from Channel 4.

I told Tara not to talk
to anybody.

Look, I´m not here
officially.

I just want to talk
to Kenneth Shipley.

People are worried --
his friends, his family.

Sure,
tell me about it.

Look, this is a man
under extreme stress.

But I´ve won
his confidence.

We´re close.
Do you know what I mean?

I´m the one he trusts.

Okay, there are
a few wrinkles

that need to be ironed out,
but I´m going to

make this film because
it´s a great story.

And I want to make it

for Ken´s sake.

So what is the story,
exactly?

Why should I tell you?

A lot of people would like
to shut Ken up --

maybe you´re one
of them.

Look, if you and Shipley
have evidence

of criminal activity,
you must report it.

It´s a crime
to withhold evidence.

But if that criminal activity
involves policemen,

who do you report it to?

Who do you trust?

Well, you could
try me.

Yeah, I´ve got to admit,
much as I love Ken,

he can be
pretty heavy-duty.

Persuade him to talk to me.
And quickly, please.

This place is giving me
palpitations.

Deep-fried oysters
on a bed of baby carrots?

Good grief.

Maybe Romney will just move
Shipley somewhere else.

Actually, he seemed
rather relieved

at being found --
I think the romance

of being on the run with
a fugitive policeman´s

beginning to wear
a bit thin.

Wild duck pancake
in a cherry sauce.

You know, this menu
was written

by a deeply disturbed
person.

Are you ready
to order, madam?

Um, I´ll just have

the goat´s cheese
and grapefruit salad.

Thank you.

One Hawaiian salad.
And for you, sir?

The plaice fillets in
brandy and mustard sauce.

is there any chance
I could have the plaice

minus the sauce,
fascinating as that sounds?

No, I´m afraid that
wouldn´t be possible, sir.

But all you´ve got to do is
ask the chef not to put

any sauce
on the unfortunate fish.

The meals are precooked,
sir, boil-in-the-bag.

All the chef has to do
is to microwave them

and snip open the bags.

Even that´s beyond him,
half the time.

Is there
a problem here?

Ah, no, no,
no, no.

There´s a phone call
for you, Mr. Crabbe.

Plaice Caribbean,
was it, for you, sir?

No, I think I´ll give
that one a miss, actually.

No, no, the plaice.

An excellent
choice.

Thank you.
Hello.

What was that
you just said?

Hello, Crabbe?
He´ll talk to you.

Room 447.
Come now.

Okay, Ken?

What? Yeah.

Ah.

Look, he´s, um,
he´s worried

you might be wired
for sound.

Okay.

Ken Shipley.
Good to meet you.

Let´s have a seat.

Well, come on, Giles,
what about a drink

for Inspector Crabbe,
huh?

With a glass.

Supposed to have manners, Eh?
Bollocks.

Vodka or vodka?

Oh, nothing for me,
thanks.

We got a real star
here, Giles.

This bloke´s the right
stuff and no mistake.

Yeah, that spot of bother
you had with Hooperman,

bloody joke, huh?

They tried to make out
he was taking bribes

from Dudley Hooperman.

No kidding?

They were dead wrong,
though.

I can see that,
now.

Can you?

When I look
in a man´s eyes,

I can tell
whether he´s honest.

I´m never wrong.
It´s a gift.

It´s a very handy gift
for a policeman.

Yeah, look where
it got me, huh?

I mean, they don´t want

honest men on the force
anymore, do they?

They want blokes
who are toeing the line,

go with the flow.

"Only dead fish swim
with the current."

Have you heard that?

No, I haven´t, actually.

Well, I swim
against the current.

I go my own way.

And if I think the rest are
out of order, I´ll say so.

Why else do you think
I´m still...

a constable at 38?

Well, this is all
very fascinating,

but I´m afraid I´m due back
on planet Earth.

What´s that
supposed to mean?

Is he taking the piss?

It´s okay, Ken,
take it easy.

I thought he wanted
to talk to me.

He does. He does.

Yes, I do, I do.

Okay, come on.

The Securiti-Mat
bullion robbery.

What?

The Securiti-Mat
bullion robbery!

Yes, what about it?

Major coup for our mob,
right?

Five villains sent down for
a grand total of 90 years.

Yeah...

Only one fly
in the ointment, though.

What was that?

Only one fly!

Yeah.

Yes, I know that.

What was the fly
in the ointment?

10 million quid´s worth of
bullion was stolen, right?

Only 6 million
recovered.

To be exact --
10 million recovered

and only 6 million
goes back to the insurers.

Someone´s got very rich.

Who?

The investigation
was headed by

Chief Superintendent
Barry Simmonds.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
I remember that.

So you´re suggesting
Barry Simmonds kept part

of the stolen bullion?

Hole in one.

Can you prove this?

Oh, yes.

How?
What have you got?

Well, I´ll have to talk
to Romney first.

Yeah, well, don´t be
too long about it.

I haven´t got any time
for wild allegations.

Now, can we get out
of this room, please?

I´m breathing air
I used half an hour ago.

Eh, wait a minute!

What do you mean
"wild allegations"?

Are you calling me
a liar or something?

What´s going on?

I don´t trust him,
Giles.

He´s like all the others,
a sodding jobsworth!

They´ve got you by
the short and curlies,

just like everybody else,
haven´t they, Crabbey?

I´m going to need proof
about Simmonds.

Otherwise,
you´re on your own.

Okay -- Ken bugged
Simmonds´s direct line

at Beddingley Police Station
for 12 months.

He made recordings.

I´d like to hear one.

You will.

I´ll calm him down,
don´t worry.

Eh, the guy just wants
to be famous,

just like
everybody else.

Last orders were
at 9:00, sir.

They´ve closed
the kitchen.

Saved you some rolls.

They´re a bit weird,
though --

stale on the outside
and soggy on the inside.

Uh-huh,
I thought as much.

A small incision --
the mark of

the Baker´s Chum,
Cambridge.

I´m not with you,
sir.

Never mind.

So, tell me
about Shipley.

Definitely one sandwich
short of a picnic.

Picnics --
God, I´m starving.

Prawn cocktail mix.
"Keep away from naked flame."

Aha! This must be
the famous microwave.

So, Chief Superintendent
Barry Simmonds

makes off with 4 million quids´
worth of stolen bullion.

Seems highly unlikely
to me.

In other words, you don´t
take Shipley seriously.

Freeze-dried
minced granules.

Quite.

Shipley? Nah.

No, he´s like one
of those people

who thinks they´ve seen Elvis
shopping in North Oxford.

Aha!

The most beautiful
shape in nature.

Somehow, real food has
infiltrated this kitchen.

Now, all we need is
some butter

and a decent
frying pan

and I can make us
an omelette.

Good evening.

Can I be of
any assistance?

Just looking around.

Guests are always welcome
to inspect the kitchen.

Actually, I was going to
make an omelette.

We´ll pay for the egg,
of course.

Fresh parsley
and chives.

My own supply.

Well, now, you´re talking.

May I recommend
a Beaujolais?

Indeed, you may.

That´s my kind of guy.

Crabbe, are you there?

It´s Ken Shipley!
We´ve got to talk.

Painter.

This omelette,
it´s, um...

I don´t know, different,
I can´t explain it.

It´s
the Crabbe effect.

What´s that?

It´s what happens
when normally rational,

articulate people
eat his food --

they get a faraway look
in their eyes

and start rambling.

See, when it comes
to omelettes,

the heat of the pan
is the crucial factor.

Okay, Crabbe, let´s stop
messing about, shall we?

Oh, come on,
Shipley.

Look, can´t you see
we´re eating?

Sit down, relax,
have a glass of wine.

I´ll tell you what --
I´ll make you an omelette.

"Wild allegations,"
you said.

Just listen to this --

a telephone call
between Simmonds

and a very senior
police officer, indeed.

Ah, um, John,
do you think

we could have another
bottle of wine, please?

Ken! Ken!
What´s going on?

Hey, we agreed,
nobody hears this material

without signing
a disclaimer.

Shh!

I know that voice.

Fisher.

Interested now?

One of us will
have to go to Switzerland.

Hi. Giles Romney,
filmmaker.

PC Cambridge.

You´re a policewoman?
That´s fabulous.

I bet you´ve had
a lot of problems

with sexism
and racism, eh?

When I first
joined, yes.

But I´ve mellowed
a lot since then.

Shush!

I´ve got
a 12-month option

on the UK rights
of this material, you know?

Eh, what have you been
eating?

Smells great.

Nobody move!

Stay away from that!

Crabbe!
You stitched me up!

I´ll get you for this!

Anyone else?!

I´ve let the dog off!
The police are on their way!

We are the police,
you berk.

Shipley must´ve
grabbed the tape.

You´ll be interested to know
that we have been

barred for
life from the Nebditsch

Intercontinental Hotel
and Conference Centre.

What a pity.

You´ll never believe
how much they charge

for two dozen eggs.

£30?
Good God!

Mr. Fisher will have a fit
when he sees it.

Good.

Shall we talk about
the tape, now, sir?

What tape?

It was you that took it,
wasn´t it, sir?

Can you give me a lift,
Mr. Crabbe?

Of course, John.
Where to?

Uh, well, that´s
a bit of a problem.

Why is that, then?
Well,
as a matter of fact --

I´m no longer employed
at the hotel.

Oh, no, not because of
last night?

There was a bit of
a contretemps, yes.

You´d better jump in.

It seems that
DC Shipley´s

been recording certain
phone conversations

from Beddingley
Police Station.

My phone calls.

Yes, sir.

And you heard one
of these recordings?

Well,
I was about to, sir,

when Mr. Simmonds´s men
came barging in.

Of course, I had no idea
who they were.

And, in the ensuing confusion,
Shipley ran away.

And the tape?

I couldn´t say, sir.

Couldn´t say,
eh, Crabbe?

Well, let me tell you
what Sergeant Millard says.

Sergeant Millard says you caused
the confusion in the kitchen,

quite deliberately,
in his opinion,

so that Shipley
could get away.

No, no, no, sir, no, see,
I was making omelettes.

And, as you know,
when making omelettes,

the heat of the pan is
the crucial factor.

And I was completely unfamiliar
with the stove, do you see?

I don´t believe
this guy.

He´s talking about
making omelettes!

Barry, give me five minutes
with Inspector Crabbe, will you?

This recorded
phone conversation --

who was Simmonds
talking to?

Ah, well, I think
it was you, sir.

And what was the nature
of our conversation?

It was impossible for me
to ascertain that, sir.

Crabbe, have you got
that tape?

It shouldn´t be necessary
for you to ask that question

and I deeply resent
the implications.

This had better be
good, Simmonds.

I´m sorry, sir,
but it´s an emergency.

Can we meet?

Good God, man, it´s 9:00
on Sunday morning.

I´m about to go out
and play golf.

The money has to be moved
to another account.

One of us will have to go
to Switzerland.

Securiti-Mat´s insurers

are being more persistent
than we anticipated.

I have told you not
to mention that

on an open line.

Can we meet, sir?

All right, all right.

You´d better meet me
at the club.

Uh, Mrs. Shipley?

Yes.

Hello, my name is
Henry Crabbe.

I´d like to talk to you
about your husband.

Are you a policeman?

Yes.

Somebody wants to make
a film about Ken?

Oh, I´ve
heard it all, now.

Well, it´s true,
actually.

Well, you can believe it
if you want to.

Me, I´ve been married
to the man for 15 years.

I´ve heard more fairy tales
than you can imagine.

Can I have
some milk, Mum?

Yes, love.

When did you last
see him?

Six months ago.

I had to tell him to go.

It was getting too much.
I was worried for the kids.

Look, you can tell
Barry Simmonds

to stop sending people
round here.

I haven´t the foggiest
where Ken is.

I´m nothing to do with
Barry Simmonds.

You´re not from
Beddingley nick?

No, no.

I´m actually trying
to help Ken.

Rosie, hurry up.

Ken´s got this thing
about Simmonds, hasn´t he?

That´s one way of
putting it, I suppose.

Look, Ken and Barry Simmonds
were best mates.

They were at school together,
they joined the police together.

It´s funny --
Ken was the bright one,

he was the one destined
for great things.

Look at them now.

Yes, it can be
very hard to take.

I mean, it must have been
hard for Ken.

Yeah, particularly when

Barry was moved to Beddingley.

I mean, there they were,
working in the same nick.

Barry could´ve made it
easier for Ken,

but he didn´t,
he was a bastard.

Ken became obsessed
with him.

Barry Simmonds ruined
his life, his career.

Even his marriage.

It´s unbelievable, the mess
people make of things, isn´t it?

If I find him,

is there anything you´d
like me to say to him?

No.

You said you wanted
to help my dad.

What?

You said you wanted
to help my dad.

If I can, yes.

And you´re not from
Beddingley nick?

No.

All right, I´ll
tell you where he is.

I´ve been there
a couple of times,

but it´s difficult --
Mum would kill me if she knew.

We´re not supposed
to see him.

I understand.
Tell him, from me,
it´ll be all right.

Mum will let him back,

but he´s got to stop
this Barry Simmonds stuff

and he´s got to knock
the booze on the head.

Tell him I´ll help --
I´ve looked up

a phone
number he can ring.

I´ll tell him.
I promise.

Eh!

It´s Simmonds, sir.

For
God´s sakes, man,

I told you not
to call me at home.

This had better be
good, Simmonds.

I´m sorry, sir,
but it´s an emergency.

One of us will have to go
to Switzerland.

What do you want?
Securiti-Mat´s insurers

are being more persistent
than we anticipated.

This tape of Fisher
and Simmonds --

there´s a TV
in the background --

you can hear the music
on the program.

It´s an Australian
soap opera.

So what?

This soap only goes out
on weekdays.

Fisher and Simmonds are
talking on a Sunday morning.

Good God, man,
it´s 9:00 on Sunday morning.

I´m about to go
and play golf.

So?
Maybe it´s a video.

How did you
find me, Crabbe?

Rose told me.

Where´s Romney?

I don´t know.

I´m having second thoughts
about Romney.

Media types --

what do they know
about life?

Or maybe I´ll take it
to the newspaper.

Or the tabloids.
Why not?

I want to listen to
the other tapes, Shipley.

Or maybe
I´ll write a book.

Tell my own story,
my own words.

Did you hear
what I said?

Just do what you want.

Now, I understand.

Oh, yeah?

You´re a weird one,
you are, Crabbe.

I shall want to take

a couple of these
tapes with me.

One of them
could be quite useful.

It´ll help me
get you out of trouble.

Get me out
of trouble?

Simmonds is the one
who´s in trouble.

Rosie asked me
to give you a message.

She said she thinks
she might be able

to square it with Jane
for you to go back home.

There are
various conditions.

Giving up drink,
for example.

I´ll go home
when I´m ready.

On my own terms,
when I´ve sorted

that bastard Simmonds
and his rotten team.

And I will sort him,
Crabbe, because I´m right.

And, sooner or later,
the truth will come out

and everybody will see
I´m right.

I´m afraid it doesn´t
work like that, Ken.

The truth will not out,
justice will not be done,

and people will not see.

Believe me, I know.

Yes, you´re right,

the background levels
are all different, sir.

Whoever did this
has snipped up

half a dozen, a dozen,
phone calls

and then put the TV
music on top.

A plane flying over
would´ve been better.

That´s the usual thing.

You see, when Shipley
couldn´t get

anything incriminating
on Simmonds,

he just had to fake it.

Oh, I´m devastated.

I had a real feeling about
the story, you know?

Try this one.

Oh, maybe it´s all
for the best.

I mean, corrupt policemen?
We´ve been there before, right?

There are so many
big issues out there now --

the environment,
Europe.

You may find this tape
more interesting, Romney.

It´s got Fisher and Simmonds
discussing overtime.

Oh, overtime.

The police are
undermanned, okay?

To keep up with the workload,
officers are doing

thousands of hours of overtime,
and it´s costing a fortune.

Here, Simmonds and Fisher
are discussing how to cut it.

So?

So how do they decide
who gets the extra hours?

Look, imagine, God forbid,
Cambridge gets murdered.

She´d end up all over
the front page, right?

Say you get murdered --

it ends up underneath
the gardening tips.

Who gets the short straw

in Fisher´s
cost

Two murders,
two investigations,

and only enough overtime
money for one of them.

So who gets it?

Publicity wise,
there´s no contest.

The front-page murder
gets it all.

The other one gets put
on the back burner.

Now, some would call that
responding to market conditions.

I call it rough justice.
Now, that´s the story.

Yeah, I see your point,
but, I mean,

police overtime -- it´s
a bit parochial, isn´t it?

This tape´s fine.

No one´s tampered
with this one.

Are you going to let me have
the tape now, sir?

Not just now,
Cambridge, no.

Fine, fine.

Yes, see you then.
Goodbye.

Table for two,

9:00.

Right, turn them on,
Mrs. Crabbe.

Oh, my God, the tureen´s
still in the fridge --

it´ll be freezing!

I´ll get it out.

No, no, you carry on.
I´ll get it.

Where is Henderson
with that canape?

Henderson, where
the hell have you been?

Keep your hair on.
The van wouldn´t start.

Do you realize --

Oh, my God, it´s 20
past 7:00 -- can´t be!

Seven bookings so far,

so at least we´re not
going to be empty.

Higgins, get a move on --
we have the first customers

due in 10 minutes!

I´m going
as fast as I can.

Don´t, don´t, don´t --

don´t forget the glasses
for the red wine as well.

Henry, for Heaven´s sake,
go away!

You´re making matters worse.

I can hear a car.

They´re early.

How inconsiderate
can you get?

It´s a disaster!
Tell them to go away.

Tell them -- tell them
we´ve been flooded.

Tell them
we´ve had a fire.

May I suggest -- Mr. Crabbe,
return to the kitchen.

Mrs. Crabbe, help Linda,
and I´ll greet the customers.

Yes, yes.
Now, you all hear that?

I want everybody to do
exactly what John says.

Higgins!
Come on, come on!

Margaret.
The lights!

Ow!

Good evening.

Sitting them down,
now.

Good luck, Mr. Crabbe.

John´s handing out
the menus -- very good.

Ordering drinks.

So far, so good.

That woman´s frowning
at the menu.

What´s she frowning for?
It´s a perfectly good menu.

She´s just reading it,
Chef, relax.

Oh, God, get me
through tonight,

and I swear
I´ll never complain

in a restaurant again.

Well, up to a point.

Two soup, one tureen,
one smoked eel,

two pie, two chicken.

Right, then.

Let´s get on with it.

Two Gooseberry Fools,
one Stilton.

Table 3 says it´s the best
omelette they´ve ever had.

Table 6 wants

your steak and kidney pie
recipe, and Table 5

wants to know where
you get your potatoes from.

Cambridge! What are you doing
creeping in the back door?

Go into the dining room.
Dinner´s on the house.

Mr. Fisher´s in there
with Barry Simmonds.

Ah.

Mr. Crabbe, there´s
a gentleman on 2,

Mr. Fisher, he´d like
to speak to you.

Yes, all right.

Ah, Steve, can you
manage for five minutes?

There you go --
Cambridge, help yourself

to a glass of red wine.

Evening, sir.
Sir.

I believe you have
something for me.

Yes, uh, I´d like to ask
for something in return,

I´m afraid, sir.

I´m disappointed
in you, Crabbe.

I didn´t think you´d
exploit the situation

for your own end.

No, no, no, not for myself.

I want some assurances
about Shipley.

About Shipley?

Yes, I want no charges
to be brought against him.

Give him early retirement.

Medical grounds, job-induced
stress, something like that.

On full pension, and all
the help his family need

until he can get himself
sorted out.

Well, how about giving him
a medal into the bargain, eh?

The man´s
a troublemaker.

He´s destructive, and I
don´t just mean to himself.

I should know, I´m the one
he´s been trying to smear.

Well, if that´s
your attitude,

I´m afraid I can´t
help you, sir.

All right, Barry,
calm down.

Crabbe´s right.

I would agree
a Christian charity

is called for,
in this case.

Shipley´s
our responsibility.

After all, he´s one
of our own and, uh,

we have to look after
our own,

don´t we, Crabbe?

Now then...

Is there anything here
that isn´t swimming

in saturated fat?

And about time, too.

That was great.
They ate everything.

And they came back
for more.

It´s Mr. Crabbe.
He´s got the gift.

Where is he, anyway?

Are you all right?

There was one particularly
chilling moment

when I was stuck
in that hotel.

I was sitting there,
listening to Shipley

obsessively moaning on

about Chief Superintendent
Barry Simmonds,

and I had a sudden vision
of myself, embittered,

obsessional, moaning on
about Fisher.

Well, God knows, you´ve got
enough to moan about.

Yeah, well, Shipley´s way
of coping with it was

to create
this fantasy world

of corrupt coppers
out to do him down.

And it occurred to me,

maybe that´s what
the restaurant is,

a fantasy,
bit of wishful thinking,

to make up for
all the disappointments.

Come on.

They want to share
a drink with you.

It was a great success,
Henry.

We made £625.43.

That is not a fantasy.

You never counted it
already.

I´m an accountant -- when
I see money, I count it.

Do you think
it went well tonight?

No, really,
honestly, and truly?

Yes!

That´s my only egg
for three days

you´ve just broken.

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