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1
00:00:50,844 --> 00:00:52,721
It is time.
2
00:00:54,514 --> 00:01:00,520
They've reached the second crucial
turning point in their destiny.
3
00:01:00,729 --> 00:01:05,191
Their message is about to
reach millions.
4
00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:09,154
But... we will change all that.
5
00:01:10,864 --> 00:01:13,950
When our mission is successful...
6
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:18,288
...no longer will the world
be dominated...
7
00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:23,752
...by the legacy of these two fools!
8
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:27,130
No longer will we hear this:
9
00:01:27,881 --> 00:01:29,841
We will stop them now!
10
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:33,011
Brothers and sisters...
11
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,431
...are we ready?
12
00:03:07,647 --> 00:03:11,442
- Greetings, my excellent pupils.
- Station.
13
00:03:11,693 --> 00:03:15,864
Today we continue our study of the
physics of acoustical reverberation.
14
00:03:16,156 --> 00:03:19,617
I'd like you to meet today's
most non-bogus guest speakers.
15
00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:21,828
Say hello to an old friend,
Thomas Edison.
16
00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:23,705
Hello there.
17
00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:26,082
And to help us on the
musical side of things:
18
00:03:26,416 --> 00:03:28,209
Johann Sebastian Bach.
19
00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:34,465
And Sir James Martin
of Faith No More...
20
00:03:35,175 --> 00:03:39,721
...founder of the Faith No More
Spiritual and Theological Center.
21
00:03:41,014 --> 00:03:45,310
- Station!
- Station!
22
00:03:45,602 --> 00:03:48,479
And a special treat
from the 23rd century:
23
00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:50,440
Miss Ria Paschelle.
24
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:57,739
Miss Paschelle, as you all know, is
the inventor of the...
25
00:03:57,989 --> 00:04:01,534
...statiophonicoxygeneticamp-
lifiagraphiphonideliverberator.
26
00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:04,662
Kind of hard to imagine the world
before we had them, isn't it?
27
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:10,168
OK, remember, this Friday, Ben Franklin
and Aretha Franklin will be here.
28
00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:15,340
Saturday is the field trip
to Babylonia. And very important:
29
00:04:15,632 --> 00:04:19,761
Do not do your homework without
wearing headphones...
30
00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,931
Repeat...
31
00:05:18,194 --> 00:05:21,114
De Nomolos. My old teacher.
32
00:05:21,656 --> 00:05:26,202
Rufus.
My favorite pupil.
33
00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:28,997
- I thought you were...
- Dead?
34
00:05:29,664 --> 00:05:31,082
No.
35
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,918
Just in preparation.
36
00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:40,842
I worked within the system
until I could stand it no longer.
37
00:05:41,092 --> 00:05:42,885
And soon...
38
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:49,100
...soon, the system
will never have existed.
39
00:05:50,143 --> 00:05:52,979
- You won't get away with it.
- Time will tell.
40
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,731
Time has told.
41
00:05:55,023 --> 00:06:00,778
I'll go back and change that,
with the aid of my secret weapons!
42
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,618
How's it going, dudes?
43
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:31,059
Friends, friends, friends.
These are automatons.
44
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:35,480
Replicas only.
Furnished with my agenda.
45
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:38,441
Now, what is your mission?
46
00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:43,780
- First, we totally kill Bill and Ted.
- Yeah, then we take over their lives.
47
00:06:44,030 --> 00:06:46,282
Then we utterly destroy them.
48
00:06:46,491 --> 00:06:49,327
Then, at the Battle of the Bands, we give
the speech they were gonna give
49
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,371
except totally different.
50
00:06:51,746 --> 00:06:55,583
And thus a new future is born.
A great future.
51
00:06:56,084 --> 00:06:58,211
Don't tell us, duder.
You programmed us.
52
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:01,130
- He's totally a robot!
- So are you, dude!
53
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,257
We're total metal heads!
54
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:05,968
Do shut up.
55
00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:11,099
Now.
56
00:07:12,058 --> 00:07:14,352
- What is the fuel?
- Fear!
57
00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:17,230
- What is the engine?
- Discipline!
58
00:07:17,522 --> 00:07:19,732
- What is the ideal?
- Order!
59
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,110
And how do we achieve it?
60
00:07:31,369 --> 00:07:32,954
Death to Bill and Ted!
61
00:07:36,374 --> 00:07:38,960
Catch you later, evil dude.
62
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:24,005
I am Bill S. Preston...
63
00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:25,882
...Esquire!
64
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:32,221
This is Ted "Theodore" Logan!
65
00:08:34,891 --> 00:08:37,101
On drums and keyboards...
66
00:08:37,393 --> 00:08:40,938
...celebrating their fifth year
in the 20th century...
67
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:44,192
...the beautiful princesses
from medieval England.
68
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,153
Joanna and Elizabeth.
69
00:08:48,613 --> 00:08:49,822
And we are...
70
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,284
...Wyld Stallyns.
71
00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:57,580
Guys!
72
00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:01,209
You keep telling me you're gonna be
the greatest band in the world, but you stink.
73
00:09:01,417 --> 00:09:02,543
Yeah.
74
00:09:02,752 --> 00:09:04,629
We don't understand it either.
75
00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:07,089
I mean, you can't sing.
76
00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:11,969
- The girls can play. But you guys?
- Girls mature faster than guys.
77
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:14,680
Plus, they started
in the 15th century.
78
00:09:15,014 --> 00:09:16,182
What do you mean?
79
00:09:16,432 --> 00:09:19,727
- They're from medieval England.
- Ted, shut up.
80
00:09:20,228 --> 00:09:22,021
Medieval England, Iowa.
81
00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:24,357
Guys, the point is the
Battle of the Bands is
82
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,692
the biggest event for
new groups in the area.
83
00:09:26,943 --> 00:09:29,654
We're talking
about a $25,000 first prize...
84
00:09:29,904 --> 00:09:32,198
...a two-year record deal
and a chance to be seen by
85
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:34,075
the most important people
in the business.
86
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:37,245
I mean, we've even got
live coverage on Channel 12.
87
00:09:37,453 --> 00:09:40,373
Now, if you were me,
would you put you guys on?
88
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:41,749
No way.
89
00:09:43,084 --> 00:09:46,796
However, since you guys do work for
Pretzels 'N' Cheese, I'll give you a shot.
90
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,631
Excellent!
91
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:56,055
But last. Midnight. Probably by that
time, everyone will be gone home.
92
00:09:56,264 --> 00:09:58,808
That's all right. I mean,
we're used to that.
93
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:02,436
Yeah, we fully cleaned out Ted's little
brother's junior high school dance.
94
00:10:02,687 --> 00:10:06,148
They totally turned on "La Bamba"
while he was playing his solo.
95
00:10:06,357 --> 00:10:08,150
Shut up, Ted!
96
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:12,446
Guys, do yourself a favor.
Prepare a little.
97
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:15,658
Work on your act.
I mean, think of something.
98
00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:19,203
Don't worry, Ms. Wardroe.
We won't let you down.
99
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:27,920
- Dude, we gotta win at that concert.
- Yeah, then we could finally propose to the ladies.
100
00:10:28,087 --> 00:10:28,921
I know.
101
00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:32,800
There's no way we can raise a family on the
money we make at Pretzels 'N' Cheese, dude.
102
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:37,138
I'll call Missy, tell her
we're on our way.
103
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:40,641
Should be a most resplendent
birthday party.
104
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:45,271
- Shall we, ladies?
- Great, sure.
105
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,295
So I understand you two have a little
something else to celebrate tonight.
106
00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:12,340
We got into the Battle of the Bands.
107
00:11:13,424 --> 00:11:14,300
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
108
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,095
If we win, I can totally
pay you back the money I owe you.
109
00:11:18,304 --> 00:11:20,348
And what if you don't win?
110
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:26,687
Well, um, I guess...
111
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:31,067
Maybe sell some more blood.
112
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,612
Perhaps you should think about
selling a couple of the instruments.
113
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:38,699
Of course, we've always got
a spot for you, Ted.
114
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:43,454
You remember my old friend, Colonel
Oats from the Alaskan Military School?
115
00:11:44,997 --> 00:11:46,415
Oh, um...
116
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:50,378
- "How's it going?", Ted?
- Yeah.
117
00:11:50,628 --> 00:11:52,421
Splendidly.
118
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,091
Remember...
119
00:11:55,341 --> 00:11:57,927
...it's not too late for you, Ted.
120
00:12:00,805 --> 00:12:01,681
Yeah.
121
00:12:03,391 --> 00:12:04,183
Whoa.
122
00:12:04,517 --> 00:12:05,976
For either of you.
123
00:12:07,103 --> 00:12:09,188
For all four of you.
124
00:12:17,405 --> 00:12:19,031
Fresh fudge.
125
00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,284
- Hi, Oatsie.
- Hi.
126
00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:24,870
Darling.
127
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:28,332
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, Missy.
128
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:31,210
Hey, Missy.
I mean, Mom.
129
00:12:36,549 --> 00:12:39,635
I can't believe Missy
divorced your dad...
130
00:12:39,844 --> 00:12:41,470
...and married mine.
131
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:44,014
Shut up, Ted.
132
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,481
- Your dad looks bad.
- I know.
133
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,651
What's next?
134
00:12:55,943 --> 00:13:00,781
- Maybe she'll marry you.
- Yeah, then you'll be your own stepdad.
135
00:13:05,578 --> 00:13:08,289
You've probably noticed we haven't
given you our gifts yet.
136
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:11,959
Yeah. That's because...
137
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,672
Uh... well...
138
00:13:17,757 --> 00:13:20,718
That's because what we
wanted to say was, uh...
139
00:13:22,762 --> 00:13:26,348
well... uh...
140
00:13:29,143 --> 00:13:30,352
Excuse us, dude.
141
00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:41,697
I wrote this myself.
142
00:13:41,906 --> 00:13:43,991
I wrote this last night.
143
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:50,122
"Elizabeth..."
144
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:51,332
"Joanna...
145
00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:56,545
...as I wander through this dark
and lonely forest of life..."
146
00:13:56,754 --> 00:13:59,089
"...surrounded by various beasts..."
147
00:13:59,340 --> 00:14:02,384
"...bears, vipers, squirrels..."
148
00:14:02,593 --> 00:14:05,095
"Not to mention barnacles
and algae..."
149
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:09,350
"...man-of-wars, starfish,
blowfish, catfish..."
150
00:14:09,934 --> 00:14:11,769
Oh, no, that's freshwater.
151
00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:16,941
The point is, I know we promised you
a better life than this.
152
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:23,322
What I mean to say is, I realize
when we took you out of England...
153
00:14:23,531 --> 00:14:26,951
...we said the future held
some really good stuff.
154
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:30,329
Although stuff hasn't
worked out the way we thought...
155
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,958
...it will, we hope.
156
00:14:35,543 --> 00:14:37,962
The day after tomorrow,
if things work out...
157
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,798
What this is about is...
158
00:14:48,848 --> 00:14:50,516
- Will you...?
- Marry us?
159
00:14:57,481 --> 00:14:59,275
- Theodore...
- I'd love to.
160
00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:23,382
Yeah!
161
00:15:40,733 --> 00:15:45,404
- Aim for the cat, dude! Aim for the cat!
- I'm trying, Evil Ted! I'm trying!
162
00:15:50,284 --> 00:15:51,952
Aw, just missed!
163
00:16:02,171 --> 00:16:06,216
- Not bad.
- Yeah, let's make it bad.
164
00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:18,979
We're here, dude.
165
00:16:20,064 --> 00:16:21,398
Is Rufus with you?
166
00:16:22,733 --> 00:16:23,692
One second.
167
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:39,333
Looks like we lost him in the
circuits of time, duder.
168
00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:42,878
Good.
Then he's gone forever.
169
00:16:43,087 --> 00:16:46,465
Our first act of business:
170
00:16:46,674 --> 00:16:49,885
Destroy that ridiculous,
insipid band!
171
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,388
You got it, dude!
172
00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:54,556
Get to work.
173
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:57,518
Now!
174
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,436
Study these books well.
175
00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:02,189
When my mission is completed...
176
00:17:02,481 --> 00:17:05,192
...this will be the new history.
177
00:17:06,694 --> 00:17:08,153
What a shithead.
178
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:15,202
- Bye!
- Bye!
179
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:17,871
Drive safe!
180
00:17:19,415 --> 00:17:20,374
- Dude.
- What?
181
00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:24,044
I wonder if after we're married,
the princesses will stay over with us?
182
00:17:24,253 --> 00:17:26,714
Yeah, our girlfriends are
most chaste.
183
00:17:26,922 --> 00:17:29,883
- Yeah. At least they're not dating our dads.
- Good point, dude.
184
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,885
Yeah.
185
00:17:36,682 --> 00:17:39,268
- Hello?
- Hello, Bill. This is Joanna.
186
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:42,479
Hey, Joanna! How'd you
call us so fast?
187
00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:44,815
It's not important. This is:
188
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:49,361
Elizabeth and I have spoken, and we've
decided we're quitting Wyld Stallyns.
189
00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:50,529
What?
190
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:51,864
- Yes!
- Why?
191
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:55,034
We think you're losers and
we never want to see you again.
192
00:17:55,284 --> 00:17:56,201
No way!
193
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,662
We're going to the desert to be alone.
194
00:17:59,288 --> 00:18:01,999
- But...
- It's over. Goodbye.
195
00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:14,094
- I totally fooled those other usses.
- Yeah, they're completely brilliant.
196
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:15,345
Not!
197
00:18:16,472 --> 00:18:18,849
- Let's fitch the booth and start phase two.
- Station.
198
00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:50,255
An incredible fortune in stones.
199
00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:54,802
Yet I would trade them all
for a hand phaser.
200
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,430
Or a good solid club.
201
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:02,810
Maybe we should've proposed
to them sooner.
202
00:19:04,812 --> 00:19:06,772
How could we, Ted?
203
00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:09,525
We could barely afford
our own apartment.
204
00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:14,071
This is most non-non-heinous.
205
00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:17,783
- What are we gonna do?
- We gotta find them.
206
00:19:18,075 --> 00:19:19,243
Talk to 'em.
207
00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:21,161
But how?
208
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,349
Wonder who that could be?
209
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,568
How's it going, Bill and Ted?
210
00:19:52,943 --> 00:19:55,362
Ted, it's us again.
211
00:19:56,155 --> 00:19:59,241
- How's it going, Bill?
- Not bad, Bill. And you?
212
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:00,450
Bad.
213
00:20:01,577 --> 00:20:05,831
We came to help you guys in your most
unfortunate situation.
214
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:06,832
Yeah.
215
00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,507
How?
216
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,759
Come with us. We'll show you.
217
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:19,094
Okay.
218
00:20:20,012 --> 00:20:21,388
Excuse us.
219
00:20:21,597 --> 00:20:22,389
Dude.
220
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:28,145
- I got a weird feeling here.
- Why?
221
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:29,980
I don't know.
222
00:20:30,981 --> 00:20:33,901
How do we know these
guys are really us?
223
00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:40,282
Ted, we've been through this before.
224
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:43,243
Now if it wasn't for the previous
intervention of our future selves...
225
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:47,331
...would we have even passed history?
Or met the babes?
226
00:20:47,998 --> 00:20:51,418
Or had a most excellent adventure
through time?
227
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:53,378
Okay.
228
00:20:56,048 --> 00:21:00,427
Ted, if you're really me, how many
fingers am I about to hold up?
229
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:01,637
Three.
230
00:21:02,471 --> 00:21:03,639
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
231
00:21:04,181 --> 00:21:05,182
You're right!
232
00:21:07,601 --> 00:21:09,561
Let's go, guys.
We'll drive.
233
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,110
- Ted.
- What?
234
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:22,157
I have a feeling we're about to embark
on a most unprecedented expedition.
235
00:21:24,243 --> 00:21:25,702
- Dude.
- What?
236
00:21:27,162 --> 00:21:30,082
I got a full-on robot chubby.
237
00:21:31,083 --> 00:21:32,417
Later, Evil Ted.
238
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,169
Later.
239
00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:50,102
I'm cold.
240
00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:51,520
Yeah.
241
00:21:52,646 --> 00:21:55,399
Hey! Dudes! Can we have
some heat back here?
242
00:21:55,649 --> 00:21:57,109
Shut up, Bill.
243
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:01,613
That other you's a real jerk.
244
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:07,661
Yeah! I better remember to be more
considerate towards myself when I become him.
245
00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:09,913
He said, shut your holes!
246
00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:12,040
Dude.
247
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:14,918
I got a very bad feeling.
248
00:22:49,077 --> 00:22:50,162
Out.
249
00:22:57,669 --> 00:23:01,089
So, where are Joanna and Elizabeth?
250
00:23:01,590 --> 00:23:02,341
They're not here.
251
00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:07,471
Yeah. We lied. Here's the truth,
we're totally gonna kill you now.
252
00:23:08,722 --> 00:23:10,599
- No way!
- Yes way, Ted.
253
00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:15,437
- We're fully programmed to do it.
- Yeah, and we want to do it, too.
254
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:18,065
You dick, Bill!
255
00:23:19,733 --> 00:23:21,943
Ow!
256
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:26,323
- You're metal, dude!
- I know. Check it out!
257
00:23:29,493 --> 00:23:30,952
Whoa!
258
00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:37,626
Let's go.
259
00:23:38,377 --> 00:23:39,836
Bogus.
260
00:24:12,536 --> 00:24:15,414
Ted...
261
00:24:16,123 --> 00:24:17,541
...we gotta do something.
262
00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:21,670
Dudes, even though
you're doing this...
263
00:24:21,962 --> 00:24:25,298
...we, we...
264
00:24:25,549 --> 00:24:27,008
...we love you.
265
00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:28,969
We love you.
266
00:24:31,263 --> 00:24:32,639
Fags!
267
00:24:37,811 --> 00:24:40,981
Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
268
00:24:58,623 --> 00:25:01,877
Yes! I totally loogied on that
good dead me!
269
00:25:02,043 --> 00:25:02,919
Yeah!
270
00:25:04,171 --> 00:25:06,798
- We're fully, full-on evil robots.
- Yeah!
271
00:25:12,721 --> 00:25:15,390
- You wanna take the van?
- No, it's beat.
272
00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:19,269
There's a Porsche.
273
00:25:21,313 --> 00:25:22,439
Let's bag it.
274
00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:25,734
Station.
275
00:26:04,272 --> 00:26:05,232
Bill...
276
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:08,193
...what happened?
277
00:26:09,903 --> 00:26:10,820
Ted...
278
00:26:12,197 --> 00:26:13,657
...we're dead, dude.
279
00:26:17,452 --> 00:26:21,206
- No way.
- Yes way.
280
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:22,791
Look.
281
00:26:29,506 --> 00:26:31,216
Now what?
282
00:26:35,178 --> 00:26:36,429
Who's that?
283
00:26:43,603 --> 00:26:44,771
Whoa!
284
00:26:46,982 --> 00:26:48,191
Who are you?
285
00:26:49,067 --> 00:26:49,776
Ted...
286
00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:53,530
...it's the Grim Reaper, dude.
287
00:26:53,738 --> 00:26:54,406
Oh.
288
00:26:56,992 --> 00:26:58,702
How's it hanging, Death?
289
00:26:59,703 --> 00:27:02,330
You will come with me.
290
00:27:05,375 --> 00:27:08,545
We can't.
We gotta get back to the babes.
291
00:27:08,753 --> 00:27:11,214
Ted, we can't. We're dead, dude.
292
00:27:11,423 --> 00:27:14,509
We gotta stop those evil usses.
We gotta try.
293
00:27:17,012 --> 00:27:20,140
Excuse us, dude,
but is there any way back?
294
00:27:22,601 --> 00:27:25,604
You may challenge me to a contest.
295
00:27:26,229 --> 00:27:27,814
But if you lose...
296
00:27:28,690 --> 00:27:31,610
...you will remain here
in the afterlife...
297
00:27:32,152 --> 00:27:33,570
...forever.
298
00:27:38,283 --> 00:27:40,368
What if we win?
299
00:27:41,453 --> 00:27:45,081
No one has ever won.
300
00:27:46,374 --> 00:27:49,836
- Dude, we gotta ditch this guy.
- Definitely.
301
00:27:50,420 --> 00:27:51,504
But how?
302
00:27:54,257 --> 00:27:55,884
Melvin.
303
00:28:00,096 --> 00:28:02,557
Excuse us, dude...
304
00:28:02,766 --> 00:28:05,352
...but your shoes are untied.
305
00:28:06,436 --> 00:28:07,354
Oh.
306
00:28:15,862 --> 00:28:19,115
I can't believe
we just Melvined Death.
307
00:28:19,282 --> 00:28:20,158
Yeah!
308
00:28:21,743 --> 00:28:23,662
Let's just hope he doesn't
catch up with us.
309
00:28:40,595 --> 00:28:42,514
Whoa.
310
00:29:05,662 --> 00:29:07,080
No way!
311
00:29:10,667 --> 00:29:11,668
This isn't funny.
312
00:29:11,918 --> 00:29:13,378
Way to go, Joanna!
313
00:29:13,670 --> 00:29:16,297
I don't understand
what's come over you two.
314
00:29:16,548 --> 00:29:20,427
You see, we used to be puss-weeds,
but now we're metal.
315
00:29:20,677 --> 00:29:22,095
So get over here and put out!
316
00:29:24,681 --> 00:29:27,809
Let's go. You can forget
about us playing tonight.
317
00:29:28,727 --> 00:29:29,686
Fine.
318
00:29:35,483 --> 00:29:37,694
Then I guess that's that.
319
00:29:39,863 --> 00:29:41,948
Yeah, see 'ya.
320
00:29:54,502 --> 00:29:56,588
Catch you later, babes!
321
00:30:06,139 --> 00:30:08,308
Ted, I have an idea.
322
00:30:08,558 --> 00:30:11,394
Tonight at the concert after we make
De Nomolos' speech...
323
00:30:12,228 --> 00:30:14,189
...let's waste them.
324
00:30:14,939 --> 00:30:19,152
Station. In the meantime, let's trash
this lame little rathole.
325
00:30:19,402 --> 00:30:20,820
Stellar, Evil Ted!
326
00:30:27,452 --> 00:30:32,040
- Ted, we have got to stop them.
- Yeah. But how?
327
00:30:36,419 --> 00:30:37,754
I hope this works.
328
00:30:37,962 --> 00:30:40,924
It worked in The Exorcist.
I and Ill!
329
00:30:46,471 --> 00:30:47,514
Alright, Hirschfeld,
330
00:30:47,722 --> 00:30:51,684
you'll move downtown so DeLoach
can take her maternity leave.
331
00:30:51,893 --> 00:30:55,188
Also, we need to make a few shifts.
Anyone interested in moonlighting...
332
00:30:55,438 --> 00:30:58,858
...we'll be stepping up security at the
amphitheater tonight for the Battle of the Bands.
333
00:30:59,108 --> 00:31:02,320
I hear your son's band is playing?
334
00:31:04,948 --> 00:31:09,160
Thank you for reminding me, sergeant.
Also, Scott Frank...
335
00:31:09,494 --> 00:31:13,832
- So, how do we do this?
- I don't know.
336
00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:17,293
Why don't you try something?
337
00:31:18,503 --> 00:31:19,629
Okay.
338
00:31:32,559 --> 00:31:33,393
Whoa!
339
00:31:37,230 --> 00:31:39,357
Okay, dudes.
340
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,360
I mean, fellow policemen...
341
00:31:42,944 --> 00:31:45,572
...my son, Ted "Theodore" Logan...
342
00:31:45,822 --> 00:31:48,408
...and his friend
Bill S. Preston, Esquire...
343
00:31:48,658 --> 00:31:53,079
...have been murdered and replaced
by evil robots from the future.
344
00:31:53,288 --> 00:31:54,998
You totally did it, dude!
345
00:31:55,164 --> 00:31:57,041
I totally possessed my dad.
346
00:32:02,213 --> 00:32:03,339
Okay.
347
00:32:04,132 --> 00:32:06,426
You got to go over
and arrest these robots
348
00:32:06,634 --> 00:32:09,178
so they don't ruin
everything for me and Bill.
349
00:32:09,470 --> 00:32:11,931
I mean, my son and Bill.
350
00:32:12,557 --> 00:32:16,811
And, most importantly,
they don't hurt the babes.
351
00:32:17,979 --> 00:32:19,439
The princesses.
352
00:32:21,983 --> 00:32:23,109
This isn't working.
353
00:32:23,359 --> 00:32:25,945
- Back me up, dude.
- You got it, dude.
354
00:32:38,082 --> 00:32:40,668
I totally believe you, dude.
355
00:32:40,877 --> 00:32:42,170
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
356
00:32:42,378 --> 00:32:46,633
- Whoa! Doughnuts!
- Whoa! Excellent!
357
00:32:46,841 --> 00:32:48,509
Savory cruller.
358
00:32:49,177 --> 00:32:52,639
- I got really hungry being dead.
- Yeah!
359
00:32:53,473 --> 00:32:54,432
Bill?
360
00:32:54,641 --> 00:32:57,060
I don't think they believe us.
361
00:32:58,061 --> 00:33:00,939
We'll have to find somebody who will.
362
00:33:01,856 --> 00:33:04,484
Catch you later, cop dudes!
363
00:33:10,698 --> 00:33:13,076
Ted, we can't go like this.
364
00:33:13,409 --> 00:33:15,870
Oh. Yeah!
365
00:33:25,463 --> 00:33:27,465
Thanks, Dad.
366
00:33:29,509 --> 00:33:33,179
- Good morning.
- Sergeant.
367
00:33:38,309 --> 00:33:39,227
Gandhi.
368
00:33:41,646 --> 00:33:43,439
Anne Boleyn.
369
00:33:44,482 --> 00:33:45,942
Aristotle.
370
00:33:46,693 --> 00:33:49,529
- President Chester A. Arthur.
- Yes!
371
00:33:51,030 --> 00:33:52,782
Clark Gable.
372
00:33:53,533 --> 00:33:55,118
Charlemagne.
373
00:33:55,660 --> 00:33:57,495
And I would like to contact Ty Cobb.
374
00:34:04,585 --> 00:34:07,839
- Has this séance stuff ever worked?
- No.
375
00:34:09,382 --> 00:34:11,676
But it will today, dude.
376
00:34:19,225 --> 00:34:22,353
O great spirits
from the netherworld...
377
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:26,441
...leave your celestial
abode and speak upon us...
378
00:34:26,733 --> 00:34:29,902
...with your life lessons.
379
00:34:34,073 --> 00:34:37,702
Whoa!
380
00:34:40,621 --> 00:34:42,957
I feel the spirits have arrived!
381
00:34:43,124 --> 00:34:44,959
How's it going...
382
00:34:45,251 --> 00:34:48,087
...New Age dudes?
383
00:34:48,838 --> 00:34:51,799
Spirits, can you hear me?
384
00:34:52,008 --> 00:34:53,134
Yeah!
385
00:34:54,927 --> 00:34:57,138
And we can totally see down your...
386
00:34:57,430 --> 00:35:00,224
Ted, it's your mom, dude!
387
00:35:02,060 --> 00:35:05,229
Whoa, you're right! Move over, dude.
388
00:35:06,481 --> 00:35:09,692
Spirits, what have you to say to us?
389
00:35:09,859 --> 00:35:10,693
OK...
390
00:35:10,902 --> 00:35:14,572
...the princesses are in trouble.
391
00:35:14,739 --> 00:35:19,160
Yeah. Ted and his most
excellent friend Bill...
392
00:35:19,452 --> 00:35:21,162
...were killed!
393
00:35:22,747 --> 00:35:24,373
- Listen to us.
- You must go.
394
00:35:24,582 --> 00:35:26,209
Beware of evil Bill!
395
00:35:27,126 --> 00:35:30,379
Warn the princesses!
396
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,216
O evil spirits from Hell...
397
00:35:33,466 --> 00:35:36,594
...I send you back into the darkness
from whence you came!
398
00:35:39,972 --> 00:35:44,393
- What's she doing?
- I don't know, but I don't think it's good.
399
00:35:45,895 --> 00:35:47,355
Uh-oh.
400
00:35:47,980 --> 00:35:49,524
No way!
401
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:49,167
- Dude, this is a totally deep hole.
- Yeah!
402
00:36:52,170 --> 00:36:55,298
- Now what?
- I don't know.
403
00:37:07,935 --> 00:37:08,811
Hey.
404
00:37:09,145 --> 00:37:13,649
- You wanna play 20 Questions?
- Okay. I got one.
405
00:37:14,108 --> 00:37:15,109
Are you a mineral?
406
00:37:16,694 --> 00:37:17,403
Yeah.
407
00:37:18,279 --> 00:37:19,363
Are you a tank?
408
00:37:19,572 --> 00:37:21,324
Whoa, yeah!
409
00:37:21,532 --> 00:37:22,742
Good one!
410
00:37:25,244 --> 00:37:25,995
Whoa!
411
00:37:26,871 --> 00:37:29,999
- Not bad!
- Yeah. Can we do it again?
412
00:37:30,958 --> 00:37:35,338
I'm working as hard as I can!
413
00:37:35,630 --> 00:37:37,548
No way!
414
00:37:41,636 --> 00:37:44,639
This is not what I expected
this place to look like at all.
415
00:37:44,847 --> 00:37:48,643
Yeah. We got totally lied to
by our album covers, man.
416
00:38:00,738 --> 00:38:02,156
Whoa.
417
00:38:02,448 --> 00:38:03,950
Who's that?
418
00:38:04,408 --> 00:38:07,745
Ted, who do you think it is, dude?
419
00:38:09,455 --> 00:38:10,706
Oh yeah!
420
00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:14,543
How are we gonna get his attention?
421
00:38:15,461 --> 00:38:17,171
Sign of the devil, dude!
422
00:38:17,838 --> 00:38:21,676
- Hey, Devil dude! Yo!
- Down here!
423
00:38:21,842 --> 00:38:24,095
Down here, dude!
424
00:38:24,345 --> 00:38:27,098
Two little guys!
425
00:38:27,348 --> 00:38:29,350
Big dude! Down here!
426
00:38:30,518 --> 00:38:32,395
Right down here, bro!
427
00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:43,948
Dude, I kind of like this.
428
00:38:44,156 --> 00:38:45,908
Whoa!
429
00:38:46,117 --> 00:38:47,785
Excellent!
430
00:38:49,829 --> 00:38:52,331
- Let's get out of here, dude.
- OK.
431
00:38:57,545 --> 00:39:01,799
Ted, if I die, you can have
my Megadeth collection.
432
00:39:02,008 --> 00:39:03,926
But, dude, we're already dead!
433
00:39:04,218 --> 00:39:05,094
Oh.
434
00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:09,807
- Well, then they're yours, dude.
- Whoa! Thanks, dude.
435
00:39:30,661 --> 00:39:32,788
How's it going, Beelzebub?
436
00:39:32,997 --> 00:39:34,665
So, uh...
437
00:39:34,874 --> 00:39:37,168
Okay. Can we go now?
438
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,421
You may go.
439
00:39:42,631 --> 00:39:44,300
Whoa!
440
00:39:44,508 --> 00:39:45,968
- Thanks, dude!
- Yeah!
441
00:39:46,260 --> 00:39:50,973
You know, you got a bad rap,
but you're actually an okay dude!
442
00:40:02,985 --> 00:40:03,778
Whoa.
443
00:40:04,862 --> 00:40:08,157
- Where are we?
- I don't know.
444
00:40:09,784 --> 00:40:12,244
Maybe we should try
one of these tunnels.
445
00:40:20,669 --> 00:40:23,255
- Dude, where are we?
- I don't know.
446
00:40:24,048 --> 00:40:26,175
Maybe we should try
one of these doors.
447
00:40:32,181 --> 00:40:34,100
After you, dude.
448
00:40:42,191 --> 00:40:43,901
Now where are we?
449
00:40:47,238 --> 00:40:48,280
Who's that?
450
00:40:53,119 --> 00:40:54,370
It's Colonel Oats!
451
00:40:55,121 --> 00:40:56,705
No way!
452
00:40:57,081 --> 00:40:58,749
Gentlemen!
453
00:41:00,709 --> 00:41:03,421
Welcome to Hell.
454
00:41:03,712 --> 00:41:06,173
- No way.
- What?!
455
00:41:06,340 --> 00:41:07,967
No way, sir?
456
00:41:08,175 --> 00:41:09,969
You two...
457
00:41:11,137 --> 00:41:14,640
...will do whatever
I tell you to do...
458
00:41:14,932 --> 00:41:17,768
...from now on.
459
00:41:18,060 --> 00:41:20,396
Is that clear?
460
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,733
- Yes, sir, dude!
- What?!
461
00:41:25,401 --> 00:41:28,279
- Yes, dude, sir!
- What?!
462
00:41:28,863 --> 00:41:30,698
Yes, sir, sir dude!
463
00:41:30,906 --> 00:41:33,701
Get down and give me...
464
00:41:33,951 --> 00:41:36,078
...infinity.
465
00:41:39,290 --> 00:41:43,169
Stupid, pathetic,
craven little cretins.
466
00:41:43,377 --> 00:41:44,336
Dude.
467
00:41:44,712 --> 00:41:50,009
- There's no way I can possibly do infinity pushups!
- Pitiful little morons.
468
00:41:50,342 --> 00:41:52,928
- Maybe if he lets us do 'em girlie-style.
- Jokers!
469
00:41:53,179 --> 00:41:57,558
You petty, base, bully,
bullock, bugger billies.
470
00:41:57,808 --> 00:42:01,520
You're not strong! You're silky boys!
471
00:42:02,062 --> 00:42:06,233
Silk comes from the butts
of Chinese worms.
472
00:42:06,442 --> 00:42:08,611
Dude, we gotta get out of here.
473
00:42:08,819 --> 00:42:11,697
I'll eat you up like the warm,
toasty little butter cakes you are.
474
00:42:11,947 --> 00:42:14,325
Get back here!
475
00:42:18,204 --> 00:42:19,830
- Dude.
- What?
476
00:42:20,122 --> 00:42:22,750
I think we're in
our own personal hell.
477
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:27,087
- Let's split up.
- Yeah. That way he can't get us so bad.
478
00:42:47,525 --> 00:42:49,443
What happened?
479
00:43:11,465 --> 00:43:15,052
♪ ♪
Whoa!
480
00:43:16,428 --> 00:43:18,180
Bogus!
481
00:43:23,310 --> 00:43:32,653
♪ Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you! ♪
482
00:43:33,112 --> 00:43:38,784
♪ Happy birthday, dear Granny! ♪
483
00:43:39,493 --> 00:43:44,623
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
484
00:43:45,666 --> 00:43:50,254
Granny S. Preston, Esquire.
485
00:43:50,546 --> 00:43:51,964
No way.
486
00:44:02,349 --> 00:44:03,350
Theodore!
487
00:44:05,519 --> 00:44:07,438
You made your little brother cry.
488
00:44:08,230 --> 00:44:09,607
How about...
489
00:44:09,982 --> 00:44:11,650
...a kiss...
490
00:44:12,234 --> 00:44:16,780
...for your dear old granny, Bill?
491
00:44:23,704 --> 00:44:25,080
Come along.
492
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,716
You stole Deacon's Easter basket.
493
00:44:35,966 --> 00:44:39,428
No way. This was 10 years ago!
494
00:44:39,637 --> 00:44:40,929
Uh-huh!
495
00:44:48,312 --> 00:44:49,313
Come here!
496
00:44:49,521 --> 00:44:52,316
Whoa!
497
00:44:54,151 --> 00:44:57,988
That was non, non, non...
Non-heinous!
498
00:44:58,238 --> 00:44:59,490
Choose...
499
00:44:59,782 --> 00:45:00,949
...your...
500
00:45:01,241 --> 00:45:03,285
...eternity.
501
00:45:06,747 --> 00:45:09,958
Choose your own, you fag!
502
00:45:18,759 --> 00:45:23,597
You ugly, red source of all evil!
503
00:45:30,604 --> 00:45:33,273
Hello, girls.
504
00:45:42,991 --> 00:45:44,242
- Dude.
- What?
505
00:45:44,243 --> 00:45:46,412
- Hell sucks!
- Definitely!
506
00:45:46,620 --> 00:45:53,168
- You total no-nosed salamanders!
- Deac's Easter basket! Nya-na-na-na-na
507
00:45:55,045 --> 00:45:56,338
Come to Oatsie!
508
00:46:00,801 --> 00:46:02,928
I wanted one right on the lips!
509
00:46:04,304 --> 00:46:09,518
- Ted, there's only one way outta here, man!
- Right, dude. We gotta play the Reaper!
510
00:46:16,275 --> 00:46:18,819
Choose your game.
511
00:46:19,361 --> 00:46:21,572
But if you lose...
512
00:46:21,864 --> 00:46:24,491
...you will stay here in Hell...
513
00:46:25,367 --> 00:46:27,077
...forever.
514
00:46:43,886 --> 00:46:46,180
D-1.
515
00:46:50,851 --> 00:46:51,810
Miss.
516
00:47:01,111 --> 00:47:02,404
B...
517
00:47:02,696 --> 00:47:03,781
...3.
518
00:47:05,282 --> 00:47:06,950
Miss.
519
00:47:08,702 --> 00:47:11,330
C-6.
520
00:47:15,709 --> 00:47:16,877
Hit.
521
00:47:20,798 --> 00:47:23,509
- Dude...
- I know.
522
00:47:30,349 --> 00:47:32,684
J-7.
523
00:47:33,769 --> 00:47:35,896
J-7...
524
00:47:37,481 --> 00:47:38,440
Hit.
525
00:47:38,607 --> 00:47:40,108
Yeah!
526
00:47:40,275 --> 00:47:44,279
A hit. You have sunk my battleship.
527
00:47:45,030 --> 00:47:45,989
Excellent!
528
00:47:48,492 --> 00:47:51,620
- I totally knew he put it in the J's.
- Good thinking, Ted.
529
00:47:51,870 --> 00:47:53,789
You must play me again.
530
00:47:54,498 --> 00:47:58,418
- What?!
- Um, best two out of three.
531
00:47:58,669 --> 00:47:59,878
No way!
532
00:48:03,799 --> 00:48:05,634
Yes way.
533
00:48:14,268 --> 00:48:16,353
- What's he doing?
- I don't know.
534
00:48:27,114 --> 00:48:29,199
I believe...
535
00:48:29,449 --> 00:48:33,537
...Col. Mustard did it
in the study with the candlestick.
536
00:48:41,837 --> 00:48:45,048
Sorry, Death. You lose.
It was Professor Plum.
537
00:48:45,299 --> 00:48:49,219
- I said "Plum."
- No way. You said "Mustard!"
538
00:48:49,469 --> 00:48:50,804
Can we go back now?
539
00:48:53,181 --> 00:48:54,808
Best three out of five.
540
00:48:56,018 --> 00:48:58,228
I don't believe this guy.
541
00:49:10,282 --> 00:49:12,701
- Best of seven?
- Damn right!
542
00:49:17,623 --> 00:49:19,583
Right hand, green.
543
00:49:24,504 --> 00:49:26,506
Left hand, red.
544
00:49:30,886 --> 00:49:33,013
Right foot, green.
545
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,098
Right foot...
546
00:49:44,983 --> 00:49:48,028
Oh! Oh, dude!
547
00:49:57,537 --> 00:49:58,622
Yeah!
548
00:49:59,081 --> 00:50:00,374
Yeah!
549
00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:02,668
Well?
550
00:50:07,839 --> 00:50:09,257
I will...
551
00:50:11,176 --> 00:50:12,678
...take you back.
552
00:50:20,018 --> 00:50:24,690
- You played very well, Death.
- Especially with your totally heavy death robes.
553
00:50:24,982 --> 00:50:26,733
Don't patronize me.
554
00:50:26,984 --> 00:50:31,238
Whoa, whatever, dude. But you got a
lot to learn about sportsmanship.
555
00:50:32,406 --> 00:50:33,865
This way.
556
00:50:34,992 --> 00:50:36,868
Now we can go back and save the babes.
557
00:50:37,119 --> 00:50:41,081
Yeah, but Bill, when we get back, how
will we fight those other usses?
558
00:50:41,331 --> 00:50:45,335
I mean, they're totally stronger
than us. And way smarter than us.
559
00:50:45,585 --> 00:50:47,337
Yeah, plus, they already
killed us once.
560
00:50:47,546 --> 00:50:49,339
Yeah.
561
00:50:50,007 --> 00:50:51,758
One minute, duder!
562
00:50:52,175 --> 00:50:57,389
Okay, if we were good human usses and we had
to fight two evil robot usses...
563
00:50:57,639 --> 00:51:01,184
...what would we do?
- Make good robot usses?
564
00:51:01,435 --> 00:51:03,937
Ted, good thinking, dude!
565
00:51:04,104 --> 00:51:05,313
Excuse us.
566
00:51:05,731 --> 00:51:08,400
- Excuse me, Death?
- Oh, now what?
567
00:51:08,608 --> 00:51:11,862
Well, could you take us to someone
who could help us?
568
00:51:12,112 --> 00:51:15,490
You have beaten me.
I am at your command.
569
00:51:15,782 --> 00:51:16,992
Cool!
570
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:18,869
This way.
571
00:51:20,412 --> 00:51:22,122
- Ted.
- What?
572
00:51:22,330 --> 00:51:23,956
Don't fear the Reaper.
573
00:51:25,417 --> 00:51:27,377
I heard that.
574
00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:37,429
Whoa.
575
00:51:39,890 --> 00:51:42,726
This is most atypical.
576
00:52:07,250 --> 00:52:08,877
Welcome to Heaven.
577
00:52:11,171 --> 00:52:13,090
I'm sure I'll enjoy it.
578
00:52:13,799 --> 00:52:15,050
Thank you.
579
00:52:17,260 --> 00:52:18,428
Through there.
580
00:52:18,678 --> 00:52:19,846
Welcome to Heaven.
581
00:52:20,013 --> 00:52:21,389
- Hello.
- Hello.
582
00:52:21,556 --> 00:52:23,558
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
583
00:52:24,976 --> 00:52:29,439
"Only the most serene and enlightened
souls shall gain audience."
584
00:52:29,731 --> 00:52:31,733
Dude, we're in big trouble.
585
00:52:34,277 --> 00:52:36,279
I think I have an idea, dude.
586
00:52:42,536 --> 00:52:45,080
- Hello, welcome to Heaven.
- Psst. Hey.
587
00:52:45,288 --> 00:52:46,915
Wise dudes.
588
00:52:47,207 --> 00:52:49,584
- Can we ask you a question?
- OK.
589
00:52:49,918 --> 00:52:51,670
Right this way, please.
590
00:53:02,514 --> 00:53:05,350
Dude, we're in Heaven,
and we just mugged three people.
591
00:53:05,559 --> 00:53:09,187
I know. We better get outta here
before we ruin it for everybody.
592
00:53:12,607 --> 00:53:14,401
Come on, Death.
593
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,279
You look great, dude.
594
00:53:18,613 --> 00:53:20,198
You think so?
595
00:53:20,907 --> 00:53:23,827
Yeah.
596
00:53:25,203 --> 00:53:26,705
You do.
597
00:53:29,624 --> 00:53:31,209
Shut up.
598
00:53:32,335 --> 00:53:34,838
- Come on, dude.
- It's not funny.
599
00:53:35,630 --> 00:53:38,008
I can't believe I'm
doing this stupid...
600
00:53:38,258 --> 00:53:41,178
How did I end up
in this ridiculous situation?
601
00:54:00,947 --> 00:54:02,115
How's it going?
602
00:54:03,742 --> 00:54:05,744
What is the meaning of life?
603
00:54:07,537 --> 00:54:09,331
Dude,
I have no idea what it is.
604
00:54:15,879 --> 00:54:19,925
Every rose has its thorn
605
00:54:20,217 --> 00:54:24,262
Just like every night has its dawn
606
00:54:24,471 --> 00:54:27,474
Just like every cowboy
607
00:54:27,641 --> 00:54:31,937
Sings a sad, sad song
608
00:54:36,942 --> 00:54:40,111
Every rose has a thorn
609
00:54:42,572 --> 00:54:43,990
Don't I know you?
610
00:54:45,825 --> 00:54:46,952
No.
611
00:55:27,993 --> 00:55:32,831
OK. So, God, as if you didn't know...
612
00:55:33,498 --> 00:55:36,876
...we're not the three wise people
that you might have thought we were.
613
00:55:37,043 --> 00:55:42,549
No. We mugged three people and took
their clothes. Sorry.
614
00:55:42,799 --> 00:55:46,428
- I'm Bill S. Preston.
- I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan.
615
00:55:46,678 --> 00:55:50,515
Together, we are Wyld Stallyns!
616
00:55:50,724 --> 00:55:52,309
Yeah.
617
00:55:53,184 --> 00:55:55,729
This lovely lady is the Grim Reaper.
618
00:55:55,979 --> 00:55:58,565
He brought us here when we
challenged him and won.
619
00:55:58,773 --> 00:56:01,234
Now? OK.
620
00:56:01,651 --> 00:56:06,698
First of all, congratulations on Earth!
It's a most excellent planet.
621
00:56:06,948 --> 00:56:11,786
- And Bill and I enjoy it on a daily basis.
- Yeah, not to mention your other great planets.
622
00:56:11,995 --> 00:56:15,498
Mars, Jupiter, Uranus.
623
00:56:18,418 --> 00:56:22,005
But the point is, okay, we died.
624
00:56:22,255 --> 00:56:24,674
Most unfairly.
625
00:56:25,300 --> 00:56:27,886
But we won the chance to come back.
626
00:56:28,136 --> 00:56:30,930
We need to construct something
to help save the women we love.
627
00:56:31,139 --> 00:56:36,144
Yeah, and we don't got a lot of time.
So we were wondering...
628
00:56:36,478 --> 00:56:39,898
...could you maybe help us find somebody
who can maybe help us build something?
629
00:56:40,690 --> 00:56:43,068
Station.
630
00:56:43,568 --> 00:56:46,196
Well, we were thinking along the lines...
631
00:56:46,363 --> 00:56:49,657
...of maybe a scientist or something.
632
00:57:03,129 --> 00:57:04,506
Cool.
633
00:57:07,759 --> 00:57:09,552
Thanks, God.
634
00:57:09,886 --> 00:57:13,640
Yeah. You are a just and noble creator.
635
00:57:13,848 --> 00:57:15,433
OK, well...
636
00:57:15,642 --> 00:57:18,520
- We'll be going now.
- Yeah, keep up the good work.
637
00:57:18,770 --> 00:57:20,855
Catch you later, God.
638
00:57:31,199 --> 00:57:34,994
Sorry. They Melvined me.
639
00:57:40,834 --> 00:57:43,837
All right, upside-down cake!
640
00:57:44,045 --> 00:57:46,798
- Hey, Evil Ted.
- What?
641
00:57:52,095 --> 00:57:53,847
We're out of dishes.
642
00:57:55,348 --> 00:57:57,267
Check this out.
643
00:58:00,728 --> 00:58:02,522
Not bad, E.T.
644
00:58:05,442 --> 00:58:06,651
Let me try.
645
00:58:13,658 --> 00:58:16,119
You totally didn't see the fan.
646
00:58:21,249 --> 00:58:24,419
Tell my body to get over here
and get me!
647
00:58:24,919 --> 00:58:27,797
That's all right. I'll get you.
648
00:58:29,466 --> 00:58:31,885
Got your head, dude.
649
00:58:34,679 --> 00:58:37,432
I'm totally gonna tackle you, dude.
650
00:58:40,768 --> 00:58:45,607
- Touchdown for Evil Ted!
- We're total headbangers.
651
00:58:48,860 --> 00:58:52,197
Come on. There you go.
652
00:58:58,161 --> 00:59:01,956
Stop wasting time.
Proceed with the plan now.
653
00:59:02,248 --> 00:59:03,917
Okay, dude.
654
00:59:04,959 --> 00:59:08,296
What do you say
we trash their relationships?
655
00:59:11,007 --> 00:59:12,509
I hate them.
656
00:59:12,759 --> 00:59:15,887
I hate the robot versions of them.
657
00:59:16,429 --> 00:59:18,306
You made us, dude.
658
00:59:24,687 --> 00:59:27,815
Well, looks like this is the place, dude.
659
00:59:28,149 --> 00:59:30,985
Now all we gotta do
is find that scientist.
660
00:59:32,070 --> 00:59:35,615
- What kind of name is Station, anyway?
- I don't know.
661
00:59:35,865 --> 00:59:38,159
Must be some kind of future guy.
662
00:59:43,873 --> 00:59:45,833
Okay, how many syllables?
663
00:59:48,044 --> 00:59:50,296
Is it a play or a song or...?
664
00:59:52,549 --> 00:59:53,967
It's something big.
665
00:59:55,635 --> 00:59:57,845
My money's on Einstein.
666
01:00:00,598 --> 01:00:02,100
That's Station?
667
01:00:03,017 --> 01:00:06,312
Did you assume that
the most brilliant scientist...
668
01:00:06,479 --> 01:00:10,316
...in the entire universe
would be from Earth?
669
01:00:11,401 --> 01:00:12,819
Yeah.
670
01:00:17,782 --> 01:00:19,409
Movies?
671
01:00:20,410 --> 01:00:22,745
- Nine words.
- Good, Mr. Franklin.
672
01:00:22,996 --> 01:00:25,290
Fire? Cigarettes?
673
01:00:25,540 --> 01:00:28,084
- Clouds, clouds.
- Smoke?
674
01:00:29,210 --> 01:00:32,463
Butch and Sundance: The Early Years.
675
01:00:38,428 --> 01:00:41,723
- Death!
- Sorry.
676
01:00:45,059 --> 01:00:48,062
Smokey and the Bandit III.
677
01:00:48,271 --> 01:00:51,149
Smokey is the bandit!
678
01:01:00,533 --> 01:01:03,369
Excuse us. Martians?
679
01:01:04,078 --> 01:01:07,373
First, my friend Bill and I
would like to congratulate you...
680
01:01:07,624 --> 01:01:10,627
...on a most well-played
round of charades.
681
01:01:10,918 --> 01:01:13,087
Secondly, you've been
referred to Ted and me...
682
01:01:13,379 --> 01:01:17,175
...as the most brilliant scientists
in the whole universe.
683
01:01:17,383 --> 01:01:21,804
So, how would you like to come to Earth with us
and help us build good robot usses...
684
01:01:22,055 --> 01:01:25,892
...to save two beautiful princesses
from bad robot usses?
685
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:37,111
Sounds good, Station.
686
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:39,113
Let's go.
687
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:42,492
Let's rock, Death.
688
01:01:56,881 --> 01:02:00,718
Whoa!
689
01:02:08,768 --> 01:02:09,769
Ted?
690
01:02:11,479 --> 01:02:14,232
- We're alive.
- Yeah.
691
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:18,945
But I think a buzzard
was pecking at my head.
692
01:02:24,659 --> 01:02:27,078
Dinner's over, worm-dude.
693
01:02:30,790 --> 01:02:32,542
You guys okay?
694
01:02:34,085 --> 01:02:35,878
Where's Death?
695
01:02:45,054 --> 01:02:46,389
You okay, dude?
696
01:02:50,226 --> 01:02:52,186
I'm fine.
697
01:02:57,775 --> 01:03:02,655
OK. First on the agenda, we go back
to town and we clean up.
698
01:03:02,905 --> 01:03:05,199
Second, call the princesses
and warn 'em.
699
01:03:05,408 --> 01:03:09,287
Third, we purchase stuff
to build good robot usses.
700
01:03:10,204 --> 01:03:12,707
OK. Let's go!
701
01:03:16,043 --> 01:03:18,129
What? What?
702
01:03:32,977 --> 01:03:36,439
Here, kitty, kitty!
Here, kitty, kitty!
703
01:03:36,731 --> 01:03:38,399
There's one, dude!
704
01:03:40,318 --> 01:03:42,195
Just missed, dude.
705
01:03:43,070 --> 01:03:45,364
Dude, we're there.
706
01:03:45,573 --> 01:03:47,283
Okay. I got an idea.
707
01:04:07,386 --> 01:04:11,015
Whoa. How's it going, lady humans?
708
01:04:39,794 --> 01:04:42,797
Okay, Stations, this is
the Builders Emporium...
709
01:04:43,047 --> 01:04:46,926
...a repository for earthly electronics
and robot-building materials.
710
01:04:47,176 --> 01:04:51,514
Get what you need to make
metal usses, understand? OK.
711
01:04:54,475 --> 01:04:58,646
- Ready for the big night, babes?
- No! We're not going.
712
01:05:01,399 --> 01:05:04,443
I think you guys
should stop right there.
713
01:05:05,570 --> 01:05:07,947
Catch you later, future wife.
714
01:05:10,074 --> 01:05:11,909
Whoa! Evil breath!
715
01:05:12,243 --> 01:05:13,244
Who are you two?
716
01:05:13,452 --> 01:05:15,538
Well, you see...
717
01:05:27,633 --> 01:05:28,926
Come on.
718
01:05:30,887 --> 01:05:34,557
- Any luck?
- No. They're not at our place or at theirs.
719
01:05:34,807 --> 01:05:39,228
I'm gonna try your dad's place.
Maybe they went to talk to Missy.
720
01:05:48,321 --> 01:05:49,739
Hello. Logan residence.
721
01:05:50,031 --> 01:05:53,326
Evil Bill S. Preston,
Esquire, speaking.
722
01:05:55,912 --> 01:05:59,248
- It's them! They're back from the dead.
- Oh.
723
01:05:59,498 --> 01:06:01,667
I guess we get to kill them again.
724
01:06:01,959 --> 01:06:03,127
Excellent!
725
01:06:19,060 --> 01:06:21,437
See you real soon.
726
01:06:22,813 --> 01:06:24,023
Oh yeah?
727
01:06:24,815 --> 01:06:28,527
- Yeah, but this time we're ready for you!
- Yeah!
728
01:06:32,239 --> 01:06:34,659
I think we can be ready for them, too.
729
01:06:34,951 --> 01:06:37,954
Good luck getting
to the concert, losers!
730
01:06:44,627 --> 01:06:48,255
- Initiate the final plan, now!
- You got it, great one.
731
01:06:49,924 --> 01:06:52,343
Do not fail me.
732
01:06:53,386 --> 01:06:54,929
Metallic buffoons.
733
01:07:01,018 --> 01:07:04,188
- That other me is a dick.
- Yeah.
734
01:07:06,315 --> 01:07:08,067
I hope the Stations
know what they're doing.
735
01:07:08,275 --> 01:07:09,568
Huh?
736
01:07:28,754 --> 01:07:31,173
Station! What are you doing?
737
01:07:33,384 --> 01:07:37,138
Dudes! This is no time
to be playing games!
738
01:08:11,964 --> 01:08:14,675
Station.
739
01:08:15,634 --> 01:08:16,927
- Station!
- Station!
740
01:09:54,358 --> 01:09:55,568
Whoa!
741
01:09:57,278 --> 01:09:58,904
That one's me, right?
742
01:09:59,071 --> 01:10:00,739
Station.
743
01:10:02,575 --> 01:10:04,368
Not bad.
744
01:10:04,660 --> 01:10:07,204
How's it going, Good Robot Bill?
745
01:10:08,080 --> 01:10:09,874
How's it doing?
746
01:10:21,886 --> 01:10:24,430
Kate Axelrod for KJM Channel 12...
747
01:10:24,638 --> 01:10:27,808
...reporting live from
the San Dimas Civic Auditorium.
748
01:10:28,058 --> 01:10:31,187
We're rocking at the
4th Annual Battle of the Bands.
749
01:10:31,437 --> 01:10:34,815
So stay tuned and hold tight
until we find out...
750
01:10:35,107 --> 01:10:38,277
...who will be your winner.
751
01:10:48,370 --> 01:10:49,747
You guys ready? You're up.
752
01:10:49,997 --> 01:10:51,332
Where are the girls?
753
01:10:51,540 --> 01:10:55,878
- Oh, they're hanging from the rafters.
- Yeah, we're gonna kill them at the finale.
754
01:10:56,795 --> 01:10:58,756
Good luck, gentlemen.
755
01:11:04,762 --> 01:11:06,931
Bill, check it out.
756
01:11:07,514 --> 01:11:08,849
Whoa!
757
01:11:09,058 --> 01:11:10,434
Not bad.
758
01:11:36,085 --> 01:11:39,588
Let's hear it for Primus!
Yeah!
759
01:12:16,000 --> 01:12:19,628
- Station, are they ready?
- Station.
760
01:12:19,878 --> 01:12:21,714
Excellent work, dude.
761
01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:25,926
- What about me? I made the wigs.
- Okay, Death.
762
01:12:26,218 --> 01:12:29,637
I helped do the shopping.
I was pushing the cart.
763
01:12:29,638 --> 01:12:32,933
- Do these work like we asked?
- Station.
764
01:12:34,351 --> 01:12:35,519
Whoa!
765
01:12:36,437 --> 01:12:39,481
You are a most
excellent scientist, Station.
766
01:12:40,232 --> 01:12:43,777
Plus, you got an excellently huge
Martian butt.
767
01:12:44,403 --> 01:12:45,988
Station!
768
01:12:49,366 --> 01:12:52,870
Please feel free to split
in two parts again and relax.
769
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:57,374
Don't overlook my butt.
I work out all the time.
770
01:12:57,624 --> 01:13:00,627
And reaping burns a lot of calories.
771
01:13:03,756 --> 01:13:10,095
OK, you two dudes ready to take on those
evil usses and save the babes?
772
01:13:11,847 --> 01:13:15,768
Fight evil usses. Save the babes.
773
01:13:16,018 --> 01:13:18,729
- Ready, Bill?
- Ready, Ted.
774
01:13:20,064 --> 01:13:21,899
Let's go get 'em.
775
01:13:22,149 --> 01:13:24,860
And now, the last band of the evening.
776
01:13:25,110 --> 01:13:27,863
Wyld Stallyns!
777
01:13:38,540 --> 01:13:40,876
How's it going, worms?
778
01:13:41,418 --> 01:13:44,088
I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
779
01:13:44,380 --> 01:13:46,965
And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
780
01:13:47,257 --> 01:13:51,929
Together, we are Wyld Stallyns!
781
01:13:53,555 --> 01:13:55,641
Hold it right there!
782
01:13:58,769 --> 01:14:01,021
We're Wyld Stallyns!
783
01:14:01,313 --> 01:14:05,150
No, dudes. We're Wyld Stallyns!
784
01:14:07,820 --> 01:14:11,865
You totally killed us,
you evil metal dickweeds!
785
01:14:12,157 --> 01:14:14,660
Yeah, and we're fully
gonna do it again!
786
01:14:14,910 --> 01:14:18,705
Plus, we're gonna totally
kill your girlfriends, too.
787
01:14:26,839 --> 01:14:30,217
Don't worry, babes! We'll save you.
788
01:14:32,928 --> 01:14:36,432
Everybody, say hello
to Station's creation!
789
01:14:36,765 --> 01:14:39,685
Good Robot Bill and Ted!
790
01:14:52,239 --> 01:14:55,159
Dude, we may have met our match.
791
01:14:55,576 --> 01:14:58,579
Kudos to you, good human usses.
792
01:15:00,497 --> 01:15:04,877
- Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
- Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
793
01:15:28,442 --> 01:15:30,694
Whoa!
794
01:15:41,330 --> 01:15:43,499
- Elizabeth!
- Theodore!
795
01:15:44,082 --> 01:15:46,877
- Joanna!
- William!
796
01:15:59,973 --> 01:16:01,725
Who is that?
797
01:16:19,409 --> 01:16:20,410
Who are you?
798
01:16:21,620 --> 01:16:22,829
Who am I?
799
01:16:30,254 --> 01:16:32,923
I am De Nomolos.
800
01:16:34,007 --> 01:16:35,926
I am their master.
801
01:16:37,553 --> 01:16:40,931
And I must see to it that you die.
802
01:16:42,349 --> 01:16:43,141
What?
803
01:16:43,725 --> 01:16:45,394
But first...
804
01:17:10,794 --> 01:17:15,841
We are now transmitting on every
television channel throughout the world.
805
01:17:16,383 --> 01:17:18,218
My word!
806
01:17:22,806 --> 01:17:25,976
I want the whole universe
to behold this...
807
01:17:26,226 --> 01:17:28,478
...transfer of power.
808
01:17:30,314 --> 01:17:33,358
No longer will our future society...
809
01:17:33,609 --> 01:17:36,737
...be based on
the ideas and the music...
810
01:17:36,987 --> 01:17:38,780
...of these two fools!
811
01:17:42,075 --> 01:17:45,037
They will be based on my ideas...
812
01:17:46,997 --> 01:17:49,416
...and my ideas alone!
813
01:17:50,834 --> 01:17:53,587
Dude, how do we get out of this?
We don't got any time.
814
01:17:53,795 --> 01:17:57,424
Yeah we do, dude. Look, after we get away
from this guy, we use the booth...
815
01:17:57,633 --> 01:18:02,054
...we time-travel back to before the concert and
set up the things we need to get him now.
816
01:18:02,262 --> 01:18:04,306
Whoa, yeah, like what?
817
01:18:04,514 --> 01:18:07,434
Like, uh... like a sandbag.
818
01:18:13,690 --> 01:18:15,025
Excellent!
819
01:18:15,233 --> 01:18:16,151
Then we'll get a cage.
820
01:18:24,868 --> 01:18:26,370
My friends.
821
01:18:27,079 --> 01:18:29,456
I, too, can play the time game.
822
01:18:29,706 --> 01:18:32,918
If you do that,
once I have vanquished you...
823
01:18:33,210 --> 01:18:37,255
...I will go back and set up this key.
824
01:18:47,766 --> 01:18:50,435
And another gun.
825
01:19:00,278 --> 01:19:03,365
Right, dude. Only there's one thing
you didn't think of.
826
01:19:03,573 --> 01:19:06,952
Yeah. Only the winners are gonna be
able to go back and set things up.
827
01:19:07,160 --> 01:19:09,788
Yeah. And that's gonna be us, dude.
828
01:19:09,996 --> 01:19:12,916
We set up the key,
and we set up the gun.
829
01:19:16,628 --> 01:19:18,547
Excuse me.
830
01:19:18,797 --> 01:19:21,341
- Your shoelaces are untied.
- What?
831
01:19:27,556 --> 01:19:29,808
Melvined.
832
01:19:43,822 --> 01:19:45,365
You're under arrest, pal.
833
01:19:45,532 --> 01:19:47,284
Way to go, Dad!
834
01:19:52,080 --> 01:19:53,915
Book him, Danno.
835
01:20:00,964 --> 01:20:02,591
Good job, Death.
836
01:20:07,888 --> 01:20:09,556
Who was that guy?
837
01:20:09,806 --> 01:20:12,934
Perhaps I can answer
that question, gentlemen.
838
01:20:13,268 --> 01:20:15,312
Ms. Wardroe, thanks for the help.
839
01:20:15,520 --> 01:20:18,190
Yeah. You know, we definitely...
840
01:20:18,982 --> 01:20:20,984
Take it off, baby!
841
01:20:29,534 --> 01:20:31,036
Rufus!
842
01:20:31,244 --> 01:20:32,496
How long you been here, dude?
843
01:20:32,954 --> 01:20:35,081
Got here just in time
for your audition, William.
844
01:20:35,457 --> 01:20:38,752
So you were Ms. Wardroe all along.
845
01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:42,631
Hey. Would anyone else have let you
in this contest?
846
01:20:43,423 --> 01:20:44,591
No.
847
01:20:45,133 --> 01:20:49,888
Now, amigos, that was Mr. Chuck
De Nomolos, my old gym teacher.
848
01:20:50,138 --> 01:20:54,601
And, by the way, sit-up champion
of the 27th century.
849
01:20:54,810 --> 01:20:59,356
And now, gentlemen, I believe
the stage belongs to you.
850
01:20:59,523 --> 01:21:00,899
Thanks, Rufus.
851
01:21:14,079 --> 01:21:16,623
Dude, we still don't know how to play.
852
01:21:17,165 --> 01:21:19,292
Maybe we ought to get good, Ted.
853
01:21:19,584 --> 01:21:20,752
How?
854
01:21:43,066 --> 01:21:46,903
That was a fast 16 months
of intensive guitar training, dude.
855
01:21:47,070 --> 01:21:51,616
Yeah, except for that two-week
medieval honeymoon.
856
01:21:53,660 --> 01:21:56,037
Hello, San Dimas!
857
01:21:56,246 --> 01:21:57,163
Hello!
858
01:21:57,372 --> 01:21:59,666
Want to introduce you
to a little friend of mine.
859
01:22:00,000 --> 01:22:01,626
This is little Ted.
860
01:22:02,252 --> 01:22:04,588
Hello, little Ted!
861
01:22:04,838 --> 01:22:06,715
This is little Bill.
862
01:22:06,923 --> 01:22:08,717
Hello, little Bill!
863
01:22:10,260 --> 01:22:14,639
Now for the rest of our band.
Ted?
864
01:22:16,683 --> 01:22:21,438
On conga and bongos, proof positive
that you can't tell a book by its cover...
865
01:22:21,730 --> 01:22:24,357
...the dude who can make one word
mean anything...
866
01:22:24,649 --> 01:22:26,526
...Station!
867
01:22:31,656 --> 01:22:33,158
Our backup dancers...
868
01:22:33,408 --> 01:22:36,077
...Station's most bodacious
creations...
869
01:22:36,286 --> 01:22:38,997
...the Good Robot Usses!
870
01:22:45,420 --> 01:22:46,546
And over here...
871
01:22:46,838 --> 01:22:49,716
...our bass player,
the Duke of Spooks...
872
01:22:50,008 --> 01:22:52,677
...the Doc of Shocks,
the Man With No Tan...
873
01:22:52,928 --> 01:22:55,764
...please say hello
to Death himself...
874
01:22:56,056 --> 01:22:58,058
...the Grim Reaper!
875
01:23:05,649 --> 01:23:08,276
You might be a king
Or a little street sweeper
876
01:23:08,485 --> 01:23:11,863
But sooner or later
You dance with the Reaper
877
01:23:16,785 --> 01:23:19,329
Get down with your bad self!
878
01:23:25,919 --> 01:23:29,589
I love show business.
879
01:23:29,798 --> 01:23:31,591
Ladies and gentlemen...
880
01:23:32,258 --> 01:23:34,302
...we've been to the past.
881
01:23:34,678 --> 01:23:36,513
We've been to the future.
882
01:23:36,930 --> 01:23:39,307
We've been all around the afterlife.
883
01:23:39,933 --> 01:23:42,727
And you know...
Ted?
884
01:23:43,478 --> 01:23:45,438
The best place to be...
885
01:23:48,400 --> 01:23:49,776
...is here.
886
01:23:50,819 --> 01:23:52,737
And the best time to be...
887
01:23:53,279 --> 01:23:54,698
...is now.
888
01:24:00,578 --> 01:24:03,206
And all's we can say is...
889
01:24:05,208 --> 01:24:06,418
...let's rock!
890
01:24:07,669 --> 01:24:09,212
One! Two!
891
01:24:09,462 --> 01:24:12,173
One, two, three, four!
892
01:25:36,633 --> 01:25:39,385
Right good! Right good!
893
01:27:46,846 --> 01:27:47,805
Stallyns One...
894
01:27:47,972 --> 01:27:51,559
Stallyns One, you are clear to leave...
895
01:27:52,227 --> 01:27:53,519
Drums...
896
01:27:53,728 --> 01:27:55,521
- Ten... nine...
- Keyboards...
897
01:27:55,730 --> 01:27:56,981
- ...eight...
- Affirmative.
898
01:27:57,190 --> 01:27:59,275
Ignition sequence start.
Engines on.
899
01:27:59,484 --> 01:28:02,195
- ...five... four... three... two...
- That's a check.
900
01:28:02,403 --> 01:28:04,197
- ...one.
- Good luck boys.
901
01:28:11,996 --> 01:28:13,915
You are go, Stallyns One!
902
01:28:14,958 --> 01:28:17,252
Come home soon. We'll miss you.
59289
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