All language subtitles for 332255899

(gentle music)

(food sizzling)
(gentle music)

- [Rob] I am a cook, not a
model.

I don't want a five
page spread in "Hello!"

It's not about shmoozing with
celebrities,

it's about cookin' real
food with real heart.

(gentle music)

(engine rumbling)
(gentle music)

- Tim Slater just want...

- No.

- Mate, come on,

just one photograph.
- No, no!

Hang on.
(phone ringing)

Yes doll, so?

- It needs work but it's
perfect.

- Well, when can I see it?

- Michelle will love it.

I made an offer.

- Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Are you driving?

- Very slowly.

- Well then pull over and call
me back.

If you are trying to talk me
into this...

- I wouldn't dream of it,

but he says he's not leaving
until

he gets a photo with
the genius who cooked...

- He said genius?
- Definitely.

- Okay.

Ingo, take pass.

- Yes, chef.

Rob?

Work it baby.

(gentle music)
(engine rumbling)

- A real pleasure.

(tractor engine rumbling)

(phone ringing)

The curse of being a celebrity,
I never turn mine on.

- Good advice.

Don't run, you'll have an
accident.

(car crashing)

(line trilling)

- [Francoise] Hi, this is
Francoise.

I'm sorry I'm not here to take
your call

but if you leave me a
message I will call you back.

Bye.

(voicemail beeps)

- Hey darlin', it's me.

I just wanted to hear
the sound of your voice

and to tell you that I love
you and that I miss you.

(gentle music)

You lookin' at photos again?

(Rob sighs)

(gentle music)

- I can't remember what she
looked like.

Is that bad?

- No, sweetheart.

It's normal.

Come on, you.

Lights out.

- Oh, by the way I found this.

What's The Boot?

- It's nothing.

Night night.

- [Gordon's Assistant] Today's
reviews.

- Thank you (sighs).

Jesus.

- Oh, I thought it was
pretty good actually.

Some muscular cooking.

Quite sexy.

- No, the one below it.

- [Gordon's Assitant] Oh,
it's just some grotty old pub.

- Rob Haley's place.

Had the heart and the head for
it.

Three years ago, he was up
there.

- Christ.

What happened?

- His wife died.

(engine rumbling)

(Rob sighs)

- [News Anchor] And now
here on Channel Four,

Guy Witherspoon takes us to
Eden.

- As we slide into the season of
mists,

mellow fruitfulness, welcome
to "Food for Thought,"

with me your host, Guy
Witherspoon.

(gentle music)

(TV chattering)
(gentle music)

(crowd cheering)

I'd never been to Wiltshire
before.

I'd heard there was nowhere
to eat, nowhere decent anyway.

Nowhere until Jack and
Jill Adams opened The Eden.

Jack conjures his marvels in the
kitchen

while Jill adores the front
of house with great elan.

Shall we go in?

All the menus are seasonal.

These have a quality and the
freshness is second to none.

(food crunching)

Oh, it's a very droll little
(speaking in foreign language).

Thank you so much.

- Shall I give you something?

- Lovely.

(wine sloshing)

- A pub with real English food
and Guy's doing a show on it.

That's new.

- Do you know this bloke?

- Vaguely.
- Lovely flavor.

- He's very good

but he's a big drinker.
- Effortlessly.

Nothing could be further removed

from the radioactive slurry that
pours out

of microwaves and pubs all over
the land.

(microwave dings)

(TV chattering)
(crowd cheering)

- I was watchin' that.

- What was the score?

- Here we are, this adorable
little...

- Those fish pies go in?

- Salad.
- Yep.

- He certainly loves his onions.

- Concoction (speaking
in foreign language),

little bit of feta cheese
peaking out there I think.

Oh, yes.

No doubt, my hostess she's very
authentic.

She absolutely copper bottoms
through and through I'd say.

Splendid...
- It's gourmet bloody

everything these days.

Even The Boot's got things on
sticks now.

- [Kate] Kebabs?

- No.

- Corn dogs?

- No.

- Satay?

- That's the one.

(Kate chuckles)
(gentle music)

- Oh my God.

- What?

- Do you remember this?

- Oh, your Madonna phase?

Yes, I do.

A 10 year old singing "Like
A Virgin" is frightening,

especially if you're her father.

It's good to have you home,
Kate.

We'll look after you.

- From Spain?

- If you want us to stay, we'll
stay.

- We've had the reservation for
months.

You could come with us.

Review some restaurants.

- This is perfect.

I'm gonna write my guide

to chef's with talent and
originality

not celebrity whores
and wannabe rock stars.

No offense.

- [Guy] Oh, yes.

That's a very,

very delicious concoction.
- Rob?

(Guy speaking in foreign
language)

(Rob chuckles)

- Gordon.

What are you doing here?

Long time no see.

Your empire is just amazing.

Congratulations.

- What in the hell's going on?

- [Rob] What are you talkin'
about?

- Come on.

- What?

- Real food with real heart?

Does that ring any bells for
you?

- Yeah, but I mean things
change.

- Francoise would be
horrified if she saw this.

- Don't bring her into this,
please.

- Come on, you know she would.

Still sellin' the trifle?

- Not really, no.

(Gordon sighs)

(Rob sighs)

Another bloody critic
who couldn't boil water.

You know.

- I don't know but with the look

of things that's really nailed
it.

This has got to stop.

- [Rob] One a day.

- Okay.

- Have you got everything?

- I'm takin' Michelle
to school this morning.

Can you pick her up this
afternoon?

- Yeah, no problem.

What are you up to?

- You're thinking about buying
Mom's Boot.

- Come on you.

We'll be late.

(gentle music)
(engine rumbling)

(cow moos)

(horn honking)
(gentle music)

- A stupid old fart.

(engine rumbling)
(gentle music)

(horn honking)
(gentle music)

- Bloody charming.

(gentle music)
(geese honking)

Hi.

Looking for John.

(Rob chuckles)

It's a bit quiet.

- No, lad.

Busiest time of day.

- Ai, that it is.

- Well...

- Oh.

What the bloody hell do you
want?

- Well, (throat clears)
three years ago my wife,

she made you an offer on this
place.

- You're Rob Haley.

- Yeah.

- You've got a bloody nerve
showing your face around here.

I picked out a lovely little
retirement place in Alicante.

What the hell happened?

- Things.

- Oh, that's all right then

if it's things that's hunky
dory.

That explains bloody everything.

That's peachy.

My wife left me thanks to you.

- I'm sorry.

- No, really I meant it.

Best thing that ever happened.

(Rob chuckles)

- Is it still for sale?

- [John] Well, I never.

- Hey babe.

Long time no see.

- [John] Aren't you a sight for
sore eyes.

- Hi, I'm Kate.

- Rob.

- Hi guys.

(men grunting)

- He's going to buy the place.

- You can't sell this place.

- No, I'm thinking about it.

- He's a chef.

- What kind of food?

- British.

- Oh, like all the English
breakfasts?

Bangers, beans, fried bread?

Love fried bread.

- Rob's a real chef.

- Oh, really?

Well, I don't come here for the
cuisine.

This is perfect.

Nothing pretentious.

- Oh, I don't do pretentious.

I do real food with real heart.

- Kate knows a lot about food.

She's a restaurant critic.

- You don't like critics?

- No, not a lot.

Is that your car?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, well you'll kill
somebody drivin'

like that and this is very
unladylike.

- Oh my God, that was you?

- Mm hm.

- Oh (laughs).

Well, I sure hope you're a
better cook

than you are a driver (laughs).

- Hm.

(hand thuds)
(Kate giggling)

- Right you, get started.

You just cost me 400 grand.

That's an awful lot of washing
up.

- I'm so sorry.

- You should be.

(engine rumbling)

(knife thudding)
(upbeat music)

(engine rumbling)
(upbeat music)

- Excuse me.

- Darling.

Mwah.

I'm so glad your father still
knows

how to throw a good party.

- I'm so glad that you still
know where

to find beautiful accessories.

- Oh, you haven't met.

- Mm mm.

- This is Roberto.

- Hi.
- Kate.

Not a word of English.

(Margaret speaking in foreign
language)

(Kate sighs)

- Can I be you when I grow up?

(Margaret laughs)

- Oh, darling girl.

The first divorce is always the
worst.

It gets better after that
believe me.

Oh, I'm going to have to rescue
him.

- Nice to meet you.

- The last thing we want is a
Roman rage.

(Kate laughs)

(upbeat music)
(birds chirping)

- Quails eggs on a bed of
shredded leaks

with Scottish smoked salmon,

lightly pickled cucumber and oat
cakes.

- Don't remember orderin' that.

- Where did you get it?

- I made it.

- Long way down with a fellow.

- [Michelle] My dad used to be
chef.

- Yeah, my granny used to look
good naked.

- Nice visual, great.

Just try it.

(food crunching)

(upbeat music)

- Blimey, don't blame me.

I'm off to Totty ain't I?

I could give her a sum.

That's for sure.

- [Max] Could you?

- You reckon I've got a chance?

- None whatsoever.

- Back in the day Max the two of
us

would have had her kit
off in three seconds flat.

- If I so much catch you
glancin'

in my daughter's general
direction again,

I'll set my dog on you.
(dog growling)

(dog whines)

(dog growls)

(attendees chattering)
(upbeat music)

I'm worried about her.

- Well, it's a bit late now.

She's all grown up.

- I could kill that husband of
hers.

Shaggin' your secretary.

Pathetic.

- Well, you can talk.

- Well, at least my secretary
was a woman.

(Jill chuckles)

(attendees chattering)
(upbeat music)

- Got one, thanks.

- The single life suits you.

You're glowing.

- Champagne.

- You know, you shouldn't
write off all us men.

- And why would that be, James?

- Well, for one thing we
don't all turn out to be gay.

(Kate sighs)

(heels clacking)
(attendees chattering)

She wants me.

I can tell.

- Really.

(attendees chattering)

(James chuckles)

- And last but not least, ta da!

Michelle's favorite.

You'll have to share.

(Loz sighs)

- It's a triumph.

- I totally bloody agree.

- Don't swear.

- [Michelle] You do.

- No, I don't.

- Last week when that
mountainous chicken pie

was still frozen in the middle,

you called him a...

- Whoa!
- Chef's don't swear,

Michelle.

- Well, what do you think?

Shall we give it a go?

- We're gonna need some help.

(upbeat music)
(engine rumbling)

- Hello mate.

How you doin'?

What can I get ya?

- I thought you weren't a cook?

- It's better than what he's
doing.

- Well, he's opening up a new
place.

- Nice.

- Mate I'm tellin' ya he's
starting to cook again.

(upbeat music)

Go on.

(upbeat music)

Well?

- Right.

(upbeat music)

Where we off to?

- Francoise' old Boot
apparently.

- Sounds great.

(upbeat music)

(children chattering)
(engine rumbling)

- Christ, what's she doin' here?

- It pays the bills and
she said the kids are cute.

- Bloody hell.

- You goin' in?

- No, you.

She likes you.

- Really?
- Definitely.

(Loz chuckles)

(door slams)

(objects clattering)
(children laughing)

(Rob smirks)

- She wants to speak to you and
I'd leave

your jacket here if I were you.

(Loz sighs)

Thought you said these kids were
cute?

- You must be bloody joking.

Look at you, ah (laughs)!

- Come on.

(hooves clomping)

(engine rumbling)
(birds chirping)

- Buggeration.

Sorry.

- Bloody hell.

- Oi, you.

Aren't you gonna say anything?

- She was brought up in a
kitchen.

You mom loved this place.

- Hey, Michelle, have
you seen that (laughs)?

(engine rumbling)

- Well, hello.

It's the critic.

- So, you really did it, huh?

- We're turning it into a diner.

Cheeseburgers, fries, shakes
just for you.

- And I thought it was gonna
be British cuisine with

a Provencal twist and Tuscan
overtones.

- With a dash of Northern Thai

and end up heatin' everything on
a stick.

- Gotta have those sticks.

- Sorry, no Provencal twist,

no Tuscan overtones,
no Catalonian subtext,

no Cantonese top notes, no...

- Danish elements?

- Danish elements?

No.

No Danish elements and no
Californian?

- Mm hm.

- Absolutely no...

- No California influence
whatsoever.

- We're going to be serving
the finest English ingredients

treated with respect that's
underpinned

by classical French techniques
aren't we?

- Well, are you?

- What she said.

- [Rob] Well, there you are
then.

- Then I'm impressed.

- She's the boss.

Don't ever work with your
daughter.

(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

Perfect.

(gentle music)

There you go.

(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

(engine rumbling)

(birds chirping)

(cutlery clattering)

(Kate sighs)

- There was a chef at The Boot
today.

- Excellent news.

- It'll be a disaster.

Hoards of people, a
village choked with cars.

- Nothing like your parties
then, Max.

- That's different.

Anyway, the last one was for
Kate.

- It was?

- We had 23 complaints at the
council.

- Oh, a new record.

- It'd be nice to have
somewhere local to go to,

then perhaps I wouldn't
have to do so much cooking.

- You do make a good piece of
toast.

- Well, it's more than you do.

Hm.

- I was at his place in
London a couple weeks ago.

I don't think that crowds
are gonna be the problem.

(tool scraping)

- Are you starin' at my ass
again?

- [Loz] No.

- Nice shape is it?

Think it's firm enough for ya?

Wanna give it a quick
squeeze, see if it's right?

- Do you want a cup of tea?

One sugar.

- [Rob] I'll have one too.

- We'll miss the flight.

- I'm only gonna say hello.

- You can do that when we get
back.

- Might be too late by then.

- Let's move this lovely piece

of vintage equipment shall we?

- [Loz] It's very precious.

(men grunting)

(car beeping)

(door slams)

(birds chirping)

(microwave thuds)

- Bloody hell!

(birds chirping)

Idiot!

- I'm really sorry.

Are you okay?

- Bloody nearly killed me.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

We're doing a little bit of
reorganizing.

Are you sure you're okay?

I'm Rob.

- Max Templeton.

I live just around the corner.

- Can I get you a drink, cup of
tea?

- No thanks.

Kate's told me all about your
plans.

- [Rob] Kate?

- My daughter.

- The American?

- The 60's, rock and roll in the
States,

a long and brutal story.

Look, we all value the
peace and quiet around here.

I hope you're not gonna spoil
it.

- Karaoke will only be twice a
week.

And a band in on Friday and
Saturday.

- What?

- I'm kidding.

It's just a small pub with
great food and that's it.

- If you ruin it I'll disembowel
ya with a church spire.

(Rob chuckles)

- Do you think I got a chance
with Shauna?

- I don't know.

It's all about luck and timing
isn't it?

- What should I do?

- Well, try askin' her for a
start.

(hooves clomping)

Did you send for the cavalry?

(horse whinnies)

(birds chirping)

(horse snorts)

- Rob Haley?

- No, he's inside.

(horse snorts)

- Won't be a minute.

(horse knickers)

- [Rob] Can I help you?

- Rob Haley?

- [Rob] Yeah.

- James Forester.

I own a bit of the land around
here.

- Sorry.

- So, gastronomic oasis, eh?

Good old English grub Kate tells
me.

- Is she a friend of yours?

- Bit more than that if you
catch

my drift old chap (chuckles).

(paper rustling)

So lamb with lashings of mint
sauce and red current jelly.

That the sort of thing?

- Can you pass the scraper
please?

- Spotted dick?

- And the screws.

- Keeping the creepy crawlies
out, eh?

- That's the idea.

- Don't want the health and
safety Gestapo after ya.

I'm expecting great things.

- Well, I hope I don't
disappoint you.

- You won't.

Good day.

(gentle upbeat music)

- Just a little reminder.

(gentle upbeat music)

- It's there, we're set.

- Almost.

Come on.

(birds chirping)
(engine rumbling)

Whoa.

- Well, that's pretty
unequivocal.

- Yeah.

Well, what do you think?

- No trifle?

- Yeah, what about the trifle?

- Absolutely have trifle.

- Ta da!

Michelle, do the honors.

- [Michelle] I now declare The
Boot open!

- [All] Woo hoo!
(all clapping)

- Woo, woo, woo, woo.

A few customers, word of mouth,
we're off.

(upbeat music)
(fingers tapping)

(throat clears)
(dog panting)

- Afternoon.

- Did you see the sign?

- What sign?

(dog whines)

- Loz?

Get the paint and the
stepladder.

(Rob sighs)

At least someone's happy.

- I'll be jiggered.

- It's all right.

Go and take a break.

- Bloody career waitin'

for these two to make up their
minds.

- Now then gents, what'll it be?

(clock ticking)

- Plowman's lunch?

Plowman's lunch?

If they think they

can order off menu they're...
- Where are you going?

Whoa, whoa, no, no, don't man.

Come on.

They're our only customers.

Come on.

(Rob sighs)

All right.

(Guy spits)

- Mm.

Mm.

A naive domesticated little
Bordeaux,

with a presumptuous
air of raspberry notes.

Medium tannin and...

- [Tanya] Oh, shit.

- Is that anyway to
address an artist at work?

Come, stay awhile.

Some of these are almost
palatable.

- We're filming today, remember?

- No, I'll dazzle them.

- They'll cancel it you know?

- They will not cancel it.

I'm a national sensation.

Anyway I'm as sober as judge.

- Come on, coffee time.

- I don't want coffee.

- Put it down, put it down.

Put it...
- But why?

- You're going to get some
coffee.

Come on you naughty man.

- Witch.

- Miserable old bastards.

And after all that it was
a cheese roll with pickle.

Shit.

- Are you all right?

- Save my sorry soul.

- What's this?

- Trifle.

Try some.

- Don't like trifle.

- Go on, just a taste.

- Don't want to.

(Michelle sobs)

(men groaning)

- [Men] Oh (laughing).

- What are you doin' babe?

- Taking Flo out to play.

- Is that all right?

- Ai (laughs).

(engine rumbling)
(birds chirping)

- No, come back!
(tires squealing)

- Where's Chelle?

- I don't know.

- You all right?

What happened?

- Nothing happened, Dad.

- I was just driving down the
road...

- If you're one of those
stupid bloody drivers

who won't learn until
you've killed someone

why don't you bugger off back to
America

and then we'll all be a lot
safer.

Come on.

- Fast driving is a
touchy subject with it.

He'll calm down in a minute.

- [Rob] No I bloody won't.

- I wasn't driving that fast.

And I made just be another dumb
American

to you but I'm not that stupid.

(gentle music)
(clock ticking)

- I've been told I have to
apologize.

- Are you going to?

- Would you like some lunch?

- Sure.

- Right, well, let's
get one thing straight.

You're off the clock.

Let me show you to your table.

(plate thuds)

Calves tongue with celeriac
remoulade.

- Sounds delicious.

(upbeat music)

I like it.

- What next?

- She's American so anything
with it's head still attached.

Leave it to me.

- [Loz] Madame.

- [Kate] Well, hello there.

- Think it will pick up?

- Well, the food might have been
crap

in London but at least we
were buyin' lots of it.

(upbeat music)

- Oh no, really I couldn't.

Thank you.

- Pudding, you'll like it.

- Okay.

One bite.

(upbeat music)

Oh my God.

- Told you.

- Mm, mm.

That sole was great, perfect.

And that calf's tongue?

A revelation.

- Thanks.

- And wow that is no
ordinary trifle (laughs).

I can't believe I'm gonna say
this

but that is some seriously sexy
pudding.

So why aren't they lined
up around the block?

- We've just opened.

- You have heard of publicity?

Oh, are you just gonna
do that British thing

where you hide your light under

a bushel and then complain
when no one sees it?

- She knows the secret plan.

- You may wanna rethink that
strategy,

particularly your critic issues.

- [Michelle] Come on.

- How much do I owe you?

- It's on the house.

- Thank you.

(door creaking)

- Shall I get the paint pot?

- Not a chance.

(playful music)
(knife thudding)

(James blows raspberry)
(playful music)

(woman groans)

(James chuckles)
(playful music)

- Rise and shine my darling.

Time for my morning ride.

(woman giggles)

- Are we under starters orders?

- Oh you bad girl (laughs).

(birds chirping)
(cows mooing)

Still haven't converted to
the joys of La Perla I see?

- Still haven't gotten over
your nicker fetish I see?

- It's not a fetish.

It's more of an appreciation.

He seems like a nice
enough chap for an artisan.

- Who's that?

- That fellow at The Boot.

- Oh, Rob.

Yeah, he's great.

Really great.

- I read your review
of his place in London.

I'm sure he'll make a cock of
this one too in due course.

- Well, everybody
deserves a second chance.

- Of course they do.

- Oh James, please.

- Kate, we were bloody good
together.

- Oh come on!
- Oh!

Look what you've done.

These trousers are dry clean
only.

- Then send me the bill.

- [Loz] What can I get you?

- Where's Michelle?

Oh, I'm gonna go take
her to feed the ducks.

- How's it lookin'?

- [Rob] The yacht may have to
wait.

- That's all right, I get sea
sick.

How long we got?

- [Rob] Another month.

(geese honking)

- Anymore customers?

- Nope.

- That's a shame.

- Yeah, well nothing we
can do about it is there?

- No, of course not.

There's nothing that you can do.

I mean, there's nothing anyone
can do.

Certainly nothing that I can do
because,

I made a promise that no
one else will ever know.

- Know about what?

- Your dad's cooking.

- Don't you want people to know?

- I just don't want to be judged
at

by some puffed up know nothing
critic.

- Present company excepted.

- But don't critics get you
noticed?

- Yeah, Dad, don't
critics get you noticed?

- Are you two ganging up on me?

(upbeat music)
(phone ringing)

Hello?

For four?

Just hang on.

(upbeat music)

Your name?

Vaughn.

Yeah, okay no problem.

(throat clears)

I'll see you then.

(phone ringing)

Do you know what the bloody time
is?

(upbeat music)

(phone ringing)

- We're fully booked.

(Loz chuckles)

- [Rob and Michelle] No!

(phone ringing)

- Hello, The Boot.

Six for dinner at eight?

How 'bout Sunday?

Lunch or dinner?

No, I'm sorry.

Next week?

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Bye.

(Loz chuckles)

Bloody hell, what happened?

- We got a review.

(Loz laughs)

(engine rumbling)

(food sizzling)
(patrons chattering)

- Stop!

Don't run and don't ever,
ever catch anything!

If it falls let it.

It could be sharp, could
be hot, it could be both.

I don't want you injured, I need
you.

- Yes, Chef.

(engine rumbling)

- What the bloody hell
is going on (sighs)?

(horn honking)

Bloody tourists.

They ruin everything.

- Oh, do stop.

(patrons chattering)

- Hey.

- Hey.

This hasn't got anything
to do with you has it?

- Definitely not.

- Do you wanna give a hand?

- Oh no, you don't want
my help in your kitchen.

I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

(Rob laughs)

- Bloody critics.

I know, can't even boil water.

- I keep that to remind me.

- Of how hard you have to
work to maintain standards?

- No, what I'm gonna do

to the little bastard when I
find them.

- If there's any truth to it at
all,

I think they did you a favor.

Where's Michelle?

- She's upstairs.

Oh and Kate?

Thanks.

- What for?

(patrons chattering)

Ingo, vegetables now!

(patrons chattering)

- [Kate] Michelle?

(gentle music)

- Kate?

- Hey.

You ready to go check out the
ducks?

(engine rumbling)
(birds chirping)

- Oh, here.

- Where are you going?

- To give that jumped up
little twat a piece of my mind.

(patrons chattering)

What the bloody hell's going on?

- You look well.

You had a good time?

I wouldn't stand there if I were
you.

Listen, we're booked solid but

we can always squeeze you in.

- [Ingo] We're full as a boot.

- You've ruined it.

- What?

- It's taken me two hours to get
here.

Two hours.

It normally takes me 40 minutes.

The whole place is choked with
cars.

It's a disaster.

- Whoa!
- Are you looking for trouble?

- No, but if you could just move
a bit.

- I'm not movin' anywhere.

You're the ones who are gonna
move.

- Max.

- Traitors!

(owl hooting)

- "'Half a minute if you please'
shouted

"the man over his shoulder and
vanished

"into a babel of voices
and a cloud of smoke."

- You fancy me, right?

- Anyway, night night.

Sleep tight.

Mind the bedbugs don't bite.

- He loves me.

(gentle music)

- [Jess] Let's find out how

the weather's looking
with a clear overview.

- [News Anchor] Ai, Jess
a fairly quiet weekend.

♪ All you said and all you did
to me ♪

Tonight dry for...

♪ Was a storm that lies
beneath its dark blue sea ♪

- Hi.

- Hi.

I owe you one.

- Oh, no it's nothing.

I was happy to do it.

♪ It's quietly sinking in

♪ You're not lyin' by my side

- I'm sorry.

I can't.

♪ That's haunted by the
only one I've ever wanted ♪

- What happened to her?

- She was a very fast driver.

- Ah.

♪ You warned me

♪ I couldn't say you didn't warn
me ♪

I'd better get going.

- Yeah, me too.

I'm off to bed.

♪ That's what I need the most

And Kate, thank you.

- Anytime.

Okay, goodnight.

- Night.

(gentle music)
(phone ringing)

(phone chimes)

(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

This was a good idea.

(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

(wine sloshing)
(gentle music)

(birds chirping)
(gentle music)

(upbeat music)
(knife thudding)

- Perfect.

Off you go.

(gentle music)

- My dad showed me he loved me
by having

his secretary sign my birthday
cards.

She's a lucky girl.

- She hasn't got a mom has she?

- No, she's got a great dad.

That's more than most.

- You'll lose somethin' like
that.

Let me show you how to hold the
knife.

You keep your finger on the
blade.

- Mm hm.

- Short strokes.

Keep your eye on it and keep
your thumb out of the way.

Keep the point of the knife on
the board

and let your knuckles guide the
blade.

- Mm hm.

(knife thudding)
(gentle music)

Oh.

- There you go.

The more even slice the less
chance

of your fingers endin' up in the
dish.

(Kate chuckles)

'Cause you got such beautiful
hands

you don't want them to end up
like this.

- Hm.

Safety's a big thing for you.

- Well you know, a
kitchen's a dangerous place.

- And not just kitchens.

- So, what happened to your ex?

- Jack?

- Mm.

- Tall, handsome, well educated,

good family, great job, gay
and...

(Kate laughs)
(Rob laughs)

Exactly.

- And, okay.

What's his face?

- Oh, James?

- Hm.

- How can I put it?

A youthful indiscretion?

- Momentary lapse?

- Drunk.

(Rob laughs)
(Kate laughs)

(gentle music)
(patrons chattering)

- Oh, "Paradise Lost."

- Don't be silly.

It's just a few extra cars.

He's a great guy, an amazing
cook and what

he does brings pleasure to a
lotta people.

- At my expense.

- It's always about you isn't
it?

- I don't know what you mean.

- Well, it's always when you
want it

and how you want it to look.

- Rubbish.

- Before it was rock and
roll and a single life

and now it's tranquility and
being my father (chuckles).

- Well, you didn't make it easy.

You took your mother's side.

- Are you serious?

I was 12 years old.

How is your screwing around my
fault?

You left.

- I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

- But you did.

- Kate, I'm sorry.

I'm really, really sorry and
I wanna make it up to you.

- I know.

(gentle music)

I'm gonna walk back.

- Yeah.

(gentle music)

(gentle classical music)
(engine rumbling)

- It is unconscionable.

Why are they really
waiting for my arrival?

How am I expected to commune
with my muse

in these intolerable
circumstances?

- Oh, keep your hair
on they won't be long.

- Well, why don't you toddle
along

and find out exactly how long.

What's this?

- The Boot in Wooten Dusset.

It's just opened.

We thought it might be a
possibility

to fill the gap we have on the
17th.

- Well, let's see if it's
still there in 10 years time.

- It's Rob Haley's new place.

- Oh, Rob, poor Rob.

It's too sad, it really is.

He's totally lost it.

What a shame.

What on God's green Earth
are those nincompoops up to?

Do be a dear and go and find out
will you?

(Tanya sighs)
(gentle classical music)

- Your bloody Mary with a
splash of sherry as ordered.

- Derek, you are a God.

I thought Nanny would never go.

Mm.

This new place, where is Wooten
Dusset?

- About 20 minutes away.

- Time for a little expedition.

- You're gonna get me
into serious trouble.

- Oh, you're used to it by now.

Derek, anyway it's research for
the 17th.

You heard what Little Miss
Muffet said.

(Derek sighs)

(engine rumbling)

- Boss, I think we might
have a bit of a problem.

- Derek, are you in trouble
again?

(patrons chattering)

- Shauna, what is he doing here?

- Who?

- Guy Witherspoon.

- Shit.

Do you wanna get rid of him or
shall I?

- You know how many people watch
his show.

- Rob'll freak if he sees him.

- Okay.

- Ingo, how long for my sole?

- Two minutes, mate.

- Guy Witherspoon's here.

- Shit.

- Tell me there isn't a problem.

- No mate.
- No problem.

- [Loz] No problem at all.

Why would there be a problem?

- I'm going in.

- The sou chef's really shy.

- I don't care.

- Tipped his face in the chip
pan.

- Nevermind, I...
- Horrible burns, you'd...

- Anything else?

Bag of crisps?

- Yeah, I'll do it.

- No, no, don't bother.

- What's goin' on?

- Nothing.
- I wasn't askin' you.

What the hell's goin' on?

- Look, mate, no.

Come on, you don't...
- You don't wanna see it.

- I'm going...
- You really don't

wanna see it.
- What if I...

- Rob, they said you weren't
here.

- Guy?

- Dear boy (laughs).

(Rob laughs)

- Do you know, he's the only
critic

worth a (speaking in foreign
language).

- You got time for a little
chat-lette?

- Oh, a quick one.

Armagnac?

- You remembered, I'm touched.

(Guy speaking in foreign
language)

- I think we have some.

- Then twist my rubber arm
(chuckles).

- [Rob] Right.

Love your tie.
- Thank you, darling.

(liquid sloshing)

Darling boy, this program
immortalizes.

It can immortalize this
lovely place of yours.

- I'm not interested in
immortality, Guy.

I just wanna feed people.

- What about the team?

It might be quite pleasant to
them,

might it not tickle them?

Think it over.

I will not badger you.

Call me if you change your mind.

If and only if you think it
might be fun.

- Hm.

Are you off?

- Can't leave that lovely
stuff trapped in there.

It's cruel.

Hm.

(liquid sloshing)

(clock ticking)

(door creaking)

(clock ticking)
(floorboards creaking)

- What are you doin' out here?

- I'm tryin' to think of
somethin' to say.

- How long's that gonna take ya?

- Um...

- You are bloody useless.

Is this all I get after months
of waitin'?

(Shauna moans)

Get inside you lovely big burke.

(Shauna giggles)

- [Loz] What do you
mean months of waitin'?

- Men!

(Shauna moans)

(door slams)

(cereal shaking)

- Coco Snaps or porridge?

I know what you mean.

(cereal clattering)

Mornin'.

Opa!

- Sleep well did you?

- Like a baby.

- I don't suppose you
wanna be on TV do you?

- What, he wants to do "Food
for Thought" from here?

Seriously (laughs)?

- So that's a no then?

(Shauna moaning)
(Loz moaning)

- What's going on?

- They're playing some stupid
game.

- I am going to be a TV star.

- "Food for Thought"?

- [Loz] Oh yes.

(Shauna squeals)

(Shauna laughs)
(Loz laughs)

- Give him a call.

- Come on.

- Oh.

Shall I do the tea then?

- So we start outside?
- Yep.

- [Man] We'll get Guy

to do the introduction.
- That's...

(Guy snoring)

- I'm sorry, just, just look at
him!

- It's your aftershave.

It's damaged my olfactory
receptors.

- I can't work with him any
longer.

- You need me.

- All right, let's all stay calm
shall we?

Now we shoot on the 17th.

I promise that Guy will be
there sober and on time.

- No, no Tanya.

What have I told you
about making promises?

- Terry?

(playful music)

Terry here will be making sure

that nothing untoward occurs.

Won't you, Terry?

- Mr. Witherspoon will
be at the appointed place

at the appointed time ready to
go

as clean as a whistle,
as pure as the driven.

Not a drop of alcohol will
pass his lips until then.

- You can't do that.

- Really?

Watch me.

(helicopter engine rumbling)

- Are we expecting anyone?

(helicopter engine whirring)
(upbeat music)

Flash bastard.

(helicopter engine whirring)
(upbeat music)

He's landing on my bloody
croquet lawn!

(upbeat music)
(helicopter engine whirring)

- Sorry to ruin your little
game.

I think the pilot got a bit
lost.

- Oh, you coulda fooled me, son.

- You don't know where Rob
Haley's Boot is, do ya?

- What?

- It's that way at the end of
the drive.

- Okay, nice one.

Cheers.

(upbeat music)

- Right, that's it.

Game over.

- Not 'til you hit the post.

(upbeat music)

- (chuckles) I think the
croquette

went very well with the skate.

- The (speaking in foreign
language)

might've been a better choice,

but you got to love the
way he does the butter.

Blackened to perfection and
exactly

the right amount of capers.

- Who woulda thought you
could do that with a carrot?

(men laughing)

- I can definitely help.

You're forgetting about
my military training.

- I thought you were kicked out

of the territorials 'cause all

you ever did was go to the
dinners.

- I wasn't kicked out.

I was asked to leave.

(Max chuckles)

And what's the plan?

- Don't move.

I'll be back in a minute.

Operation ratatouille
(chuckles).

- [Rob] What, what's wrong with
it?

- It's not what they ordered.

Dude, it's gettin' nasty out
there.

- It's not much better in here.

Tell 'em it's all we got.

Tell 'em it's on the house.

The steak's gone, the halibut's
finished

and there's no more salad, Loz.

- [Loz] Well, they won't like
it.

- Ow.

Oh!
- What?

What did you do?
- No, it's...

- Did you get hurt?

What did you do?
- No, it's okay, it's okay.

(gentle music)

(playful music)

(woman giggles)

- Did you ever find
your nickers my darling?

- I really wanted that one.

- Then you shall have it.

I know the owner.

- I wouldn't go in there, mate.

- Is that so?

(playful music)

(objects clattering)

What the bloody hell is going
on?

- Whoa, excuse me.

- Listen here moon face,

I'm an expert at martial arts.

Woo!

- Well I'm in a blind panic.

- Thank you.

Right (finger snapping).

You're coming with me.

- You didn't just snap your
fingers at me.

- I did.

- You know a kitchen's a
very dangerous place, James.

Anything could happen.

- Leave, now.

- You haven't heard the last of
this.

(all laughing)

Mike Tango?

This is Juliette Foxtrot.

No Max, it's James.

Operation Moussaka is a go.

I repeat, Operation Moussaka is
a go.

- Bless you.

Cheers.
(glasses clinking)

- Cheers.

- So?

- What?

- So what are you gonna do about
Kate?

- Do?

- Well, she fancies you, you
fancy her.

- Well, hello there Oprah.

I didn't recognize you there for
a moment.

- I'm tryin' to do you a favor.

- Great, well look after
Michelle for me will ya?

I'm poppin' out for a bit.

- You are?

- Mm hm.

- Oh.

Oh (laughs).

Well knock me down with a
feather then.

(gentle music)

- Shh!

- Do you know how daft this is?

I feel like I'm a teenager.

I mean, this is legal.

- I know but I'm still
his little girl so shh.

- Okay.

(gentle music)

I have to tell you (throat
clears), it's been awhile.

- Me too.

(gentle music)

I need to tell you something.

- [Rob] What?

A few tips on technique?

- No.

- Always the critic.

So what do I get?

- Three.

- Three?
- Mm.

Three stars out of five.

- Oh.

- [Kate] Trust me, you don't
want five.

- You don't?

- No.

Five stars out of five
means you're a professional

and that's not good in bed,

that's just kinda creepy.

But a talented amateur who
does it with sincerity,

that's way better.

- Hm, come here then.

(Rob moans)

(playful music)

- The Boot.

I'll give him the boot.

- You sure you're okay?

- Yes.

She comes first and she should
(sighs).

- All right.

(Kate laughs)

(Kate giggles)

(Kate sighs)

(playful music)

(engine rumbling)
(pensive music)

(rats squeaking)
(pensive music)

(latch clangs)

- [Michelle] Dad?

- Hm?

- I think there's someone
outside.

- It's probably just a fox
or something sweetheart.

Go back to bed.

(pensive music)

(health inspector knocking)

- Mr. Haley?

Mr. Robert Haley?

- Yeah.

- Health and Safety.

Do you have somewhere I can get
changed?

- What's this about?

- There's been a complaint.

- What sort of complaint?

- I couldn't possibly say.

- Who was it?

- You should know better than
that, Sir.

- Do you want some coffee?

- Oh dear.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh
dear.

(Rob groans)

That is disgusting.

I'm giving you an official
warning.

You're in breech of health
standards regulations.

(rats squeaking)

- I don't want some bloody
publican from London turn

the entire village into a
carpark and ruin for everyone.

- For you, you mean.

- For everyone.

- Change the record, darling.

You haven't had a hit for years.

- I suppose a boiled
egg's out of the question?

- Morning, Dad.

- Good morning.

- I've got a surprise for you.

- Oh?

- Mm hm.

Close your eyes.

(gentle music)

Open wide.

- Ah.

Oh, it's wonderful.

- Amazing, huh?

- Absolutely.

- He's gifted and he
has the cutest daughter.

- You're happy here then?

- Mm (chuckles).

You okay?

- Never better darling.

Never better.

(officer knocking)
(pensive music)

- Now what?

- I have a warrant to search the
premises.

- Of course you do.

What for?

- I'm sorry Sir, I couldn't
possibly say.

- Of course you can't.

You better come in.

How the hell did they know?

- I haven't got a clue.

(James knocking)
(pensive music)

- What's this?

- You've been closed pending
a review by the council.

It's a summons.

There have been a lot of
complaints.

You've outstayed your welcome.

You know, the chap who normally
does this

gets paid 10 pounds an hour.

I gave him 200 to let me do this
one.

Best money I ever spent.

One more thing.

She's mine.

Keep your hands off.

There's a good chap or things
could get really nasty.

(James chuckles)

I almost forgot.

Ever wondered who wrote that
review

you have up in your kitchen?

- Kate?

- I see you have.

Well done.

Clever you.

See you next Tuesday.

- Kate's boyfriend and
her dad have shut us down.

- Kate's got a boyfriend?

- Hi.

Good morning to you too.

What's up with Grumpy?

- They're closing us down.

- What?

- Kate, leave him alone.

- They can't do this.

- They have.

- What can I do?

- I think you've done quite
enough.

- What do you mean?

- You dad, Forester, they signed

the complaint and your
boyfriend left these.

- Oh my God.

- Oh, so they are yours?

- He is not my boyfriend and I
swear,

I don't know where he got these.

- Do you know anything about
this?

- I've been trying to tell you.

- Of course you have.

Get out.

- Oh, Rob please,

don't do this.
- Get out.

- You were cooking crap
before and you know it.

And if you'd think I'd screw

you over then you don't know me
very well.

- Well, ain't that the truth?

Get out.

- Just because your wife
died and you have a cute kid,

that doesn't give you the right
to be a...

- Okay, thank you, bye.

Close the door on your way out.

Oh, and Kate?

Do me a favor.

Don't say goodbye to Michelle.

(paper crinkling)

(paper thuds)

(Rob sighs)

(gentle music)

(geese honking)

(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

What the hell is...

Hey!

(Rob knocking)

Hey!

What the hell are you doin'?

(Rob knocking)

What?

- You Rob Haley?
- Yes.

- Good.

Her royal highness will be here
at 11.

You gotta be ready by then or
there's gonna be hell to pay.

- Who, royal highness?

- Guy.

Witherspoon.

- Loz!

- If they close us down
we get one great moment.

If they don't, who knows?

- Well, then who's gonna cook?

You?

It's a pity we got rid of the
microwave.

Just warm this up and you'll be
fine.

- Did you see the slaying he
gave

that gastro pub last week?

It was cold blooded murder.

- [Rob] You'll be all right.

- Of course you will.

You'll be fine.

- [Michelle] He'd be
finer if Kate was here.

- Michelle, sometimes grownups
fall out.

Come and give me a good luck
hug.

- Bite me.

(playful music)

- So, I can have a glass
of wine when I finish,

is that right, Tanya?

- Yes, Guy.

- As long as everyone's aware.

(playful music)
(engine rumbling)

(gentle music)
(birds chirping)

- You can do it.

- Of course you can.

- You'll be great, really great.

- We have a critic to impress.

- Thank God.

- What about the hearing?

- Well, if they don't want us
here

then we'll just have to go
somewhere where they do won't
we?

Come on!

(birds chirping)

- How much longer Mr. Forester?

- He should be here in a few
minutes.

(knife thudding)

- At my signal unleash hell.

(upbeat music)

- Where's Mr. Haley?

- He probably realizes it's a
lost cause.

(upbeat music)
(pan sizzling)

(knife thudding)
(upbeat music)

(engine rumbling)
(upbeat music)

(tires screeching)

- Sorry I'm late.

- Kate, darling so glad you
came.

- Oh yeah?

- How 'bout dinner this
evening to celebrate?

- Oh.

You might wanna stick these
back in your collection.

Gap hasn't made them like this
in 10 years

and I bet they look real cute on
you.

- How do you know...

- Mr. Templeton will not
be joining us this morning

but he would like to
withdraw all his complaints.

- What?

- And I am here on behalf of Mr.
Haley.

- Kate, you can't.

- Watch me.

- Could we just get on with
this, please?

- Right.

Let's start with the rats.

- Oh, your special subject Mr.
Forester?

- There's a rather long
list of complaints.

- All complete crap.

I'm sorry can I say that here?

- The parking issues?

- What parking issues?

- Miss Templeton...

(Kate chuckles)

The Hell's Angels?

- You're kidding, right?

- Miss Templeton, I warn
you if you interrupt again

we will eject you from the
proceeding.

- All Rob Haley does is be a
great cook and a great dad.

If that's a crime then we're all
screwed.

- There must've been at
least 100 cars trying

to get into the village.

You couldn't breathe because of
the fumes.

There were even coaches of
tourists.

- One coach and it's not like

they were on a gastronomic
pilgrimage.

It was a bunch of bare
ass drunken rugby players.

- Out.

- If you can't get it
through your pea sized brain

that he's been lying for...
- Out!

- Kate, sometimes discretion
is the better part of valor.

- You think valor's a couch
covering.

- Out Miss Templeton.

- Bye Kate.

- One last thing, Mr. Forester
if I may,

the Hell's Angel, what
kind of motorcycle was it?

(engine rumbling)

- Here we are on this
splendid, crisp, autumnal day

barely an hour away from
the fleshpots of London,

deep in the Arcadian splendors
of the British countryside.

And we're here to have lunch at
The Boot.

Here it must be said despite
the manifest splendors

and beauty surrounding us,

we are in a culinary desert,

a culinary desert relieved by
Rob Haley

and his team who have
created a veritable oasis

serving British food with honest
heart.

Shall we go in?

- Cut!

Straight through, not a stumble.

- That looks good enough to eat.

- Go.

(birds chirping)

- A modest little selection
but very carefully chosen.

(wine sloshing)

Warm salmon mousse with an
English asparagus sauce and...

- When you've finished.

- Cut, go.
- Have you gone

completely mad?

- Don't panic.

It's apple juice.

- [Director] Guy, if you don't
mind

we've got two more courses.

Just give us an opinion would
you love?

Action.

- Perfect.

Beautiful textures,
extraordinary combination of
flavors.

Inspirational.

(door creaking)

So there we have it.

Another excellent meal in
convivial surroundings.

Further proof if any
further proof were needed

that in the culinary stakes we
can look

our continental cousins
squarely in the eye.

So, as the good guide
says, worth the detour.

(Guy speaking in foreign
language)

- And that's a wrap!

Don't believe it.

There is a God.

(wine sloshing)
(Guy exhales)

- Oh for goodness sake sit down
will you?

Have a glass.

- Not for me thanks.

Couldn't bare the thought
of starting over again.

Two years, 127 days.

- Oh, well.

Why don't you have some of this?

Sherry free I promise you.

Absolutely marvelous.

- Nice.

(engine rumbling)
(upbeat music)

- Hey Alfie.

Have our last pint.

- Oh, mind if I call Bertie?

- The more the merrier.

There's half a barrel left.

- Oh (chuckles).

(engine rumbling)
(upbeat music)

- Oh great, the mystery Hell's
Angel.

- Oh, how very flattering.

- Bloody hell.

- Yes, indeed.

I've come to tell you that you
can reopen.

- How?

Why?

- Well, I suggest you put your
tongue

back in your mouth, get in
your car and go and ask Kate.

- No.

- Why are men so ridiculously
obtuse sometimes?

- I'm sorry?

- Who do you think came to the
council

this morning on your behalf
and saved your bacon?

- You're joking?

- No, I'm not.

- Yeah, but she still wrote
that bloody awful review.

- Rob...

- In a minute.

- Rob...
- Jesus Loz,

get the man a drink.

- Rob?
- Yeah, what?

- Don't be a bloody fool!

She did you a favor.

♪ Whatever happened to the
mirror ♪

♪ That showed me a happy face

- Christ.

- And despite everything she
still actually likes you.

- She does?

- So if you don't go after her
now...

- Where is she?

(engine rumbling)

- She's left for the airport.

♪ Good things come and come
unto who those who wait ♪

♪ Whatever happened

- [Loz] You know he never
goes over 20 miles an hour.

- He's gonna have to do better
than that.

- No chance.

(engine rumbling)

Well, I better get that paint.

♪ Gotta look myself in the eye

♪ And say it's gonna be all
right ♪

♪ And I do everything

♪ I'll be all right all the time
♪

♪ We've gotta take these chances
tonight ♪

♪ It's gonna be all right

♪ Gotta see things at the time

♪ At the time

(gate crashing)

(tires squealing)

(car crashes)

(engine rumbling)

- I'm sorry.

(engine rumbling)

You must be joking.

Kate, stop!

Stop!

(engine rumbling)

(door slams)

- See?

I've never hit a thing even
if it deserved hitting.

So it's 15 miles per hour or
this?

- All or nothing.

- It's kinda hard on the car
isn't it?

- Well, you gotta take
risks once in awhile.

- Is that a fact?

- I've been an idiot.

- Yes, you have.

- And you were right.

I was cooking awful, just awful
food.

You reminded me of who I was

and what I was supposed
to be and what I could be.

I know the British are rubbish

at saying anything heartfelt
and I'm worse than most

but I just wanted you
to know that everything

has changed because of
you and I just wanted

you to know that before you
left.

- Hm.

- That's very sweet.

But you could've told
me that next Wednesday.

- What?

- I'm only goin' to Paris for a
week.

(Rob chuckles)
(gentle music)

- I don't care if it was for
a week or a day or an hour.

It was totally worth it.

(Kate sighs)

(gentle music)

- From now on I'll do the
driving.

- Why?

I thought it turned out rather
well.

(Kate laughs)
(gentle music)

- So there we have it.

Another excellent meal in
convivial surroundings.

Further proof if any further
proof

were needed that in the culinary
stakes,

we can look our continental
cousins squarely in the eye.

So, as the good guide
says, worth the detour.

(Guy speaking in foreign
language)

- What the hell are you lot
lookin' at?

Get back to bloody work.

("Everything Sunshine")

♪ Pull up the shade

♪ Open the window

♪ Introduce another day

♪ You met your match last night
♪

♪ You got lost in the storm

♪ Searchin' for another life

♪ I found a melody to say

♪ I think today is gonna bring

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ Everything brighter

♪ Everything left for us to do

♪ Is falling in order

♪ Don't you think some
day's better than never ♪

♪ Don't you think all
we're goin' through ♪

♪ Leads us to all we never knew
♪

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ And I don't miss a thing

♪ You look like you're up for
fun ♪

♪ So, put on your nice shoes

♪ And dance until what's done is
done ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got a second plan
♪

♪ Yeah

♪ I thought it was ending

♪ We're only just about to begin
♪

♪ 'Cause I've got a melody to
say ♪

♪ I think today is gonna bring

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ Everything brighter

♪ Everything left for us to do

♪ Is falling in order

♪ Don't you think some
day's better than never ♪

♪ Don't you think all
we're goin' through ♪

♪ Leads us to all we never knew
♪

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ Tell me we'll get better baby
♪

♪ Tell me we're all right

♪ The memory of those lonely
evening's ♪

♪ And every sleepless night

♪ You told me that you love me
then ♪

♪ And you said you love me now

♪ And though we only learn
as fast as time will allow ♪

♪ Everything sunshine

♪ Everything brighter

♪ Everything left for us to do

♪ Is falling in order

♪ Don't you think someday

♪ Is better than never

♪ Don't you think all
we're goin' through ♪

♪ Leads us to all we never knew
♪

♪ Don't you think all
we're going through ♪

♪ Leads us to all we never knew
♪

♪ And everything sunshine

♪ And I don't miss a thing