All language subtitles for Midsomer Murders S15E01 - The Dark Rider

(thunder)

Calm down, Bess.

Geoffrey.

Geoffrey.

Died around midnight. Cause of death...

Long fall, landing on head.

- Very scientific. - It's self-evident.

If it's alright with you, I'll do a full before finalising.

So, what happened?

Man fell from the roof of Quitewell Hall.

What was he doing on the roof in the middle of the night?

Well, the only witness, Toby DeQuetteville,

said he saw a grey horse riding away

just after the old man fell.

And who was out riding in the middle of the night

in a very aggressive electrical storm?

Don't know, sir, but apparently he had no head.

I beg your pardon?

Witness said the horse rider had no head.

- Drunk or stoned? - I was on duty, sir.

And he saw a headless rider.

That's not remotely suspicious, is it?

- No, sir. - We'd better get up there.

- Who is he? - Bentham DeQuetteville.

Brother of Sir Ludovic DeQuetteville of Quitewell Hall.

Toby. Toby, the sign's twisted.

Sorry, darling?

The sign is twisted.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry. I just...

- A bit upset is all, you know. - Of course. We all are.

We have to keep going, though, don't we? Simon. Simon.

You are holding the ladder, aren't you?

Listen, you're absolutely right about what you said.

- Attaboy. - I didn't mean to...

Well, the police'll be here soon.

Can we put these up?

(man) Yah! Yah!

Yah!

Whoa!

Julian, for God's sake!

Have a wonderful day, won't you, ladies and gentlemen?

Remember, the coach leaves at four sharpish.

You'll find the facilities inside.

Julian, just remember, they pay the bills.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you've damaged the wheel.

I was just having a laugh, for God's sake, women.

- Today of all days. - Betty, Bentham was my uncle.

Not yours. Mine. And he was a proper DeQuetteville.

Not some jumped-up colonial blow-in.

So keep your sanctimonious little opinions to yourself.

- I do apologise for my husband. - It's your problem, Diana.

I married the nice one.

- Morning, Ludo, Isabel. - Oh, God. It's Ugly Betty.

- Izzy! Take no notice. - I don't.

Got a big crowd coming this week for the battle.

Oh! Go the Cavaliers.

Death to the Roundheads!

Healthy and Safety have said

that if it descends to its usual drunken brawl,

they're gonna ban it next year.

Nonsense. They wouldn't dare.

Local tradition.

Come on, we've got massive debts.

We've gotta encourage every penny in through the gates.

- You're such a boring nag. - The police'll be here soon.

Why?

To investigate Bentham's death, I imagine.

Probably think you gave him a shove.

Well, he fell. Probably had a few.

Do you like horses, sir?

(Barnaby) No. Nasty brutish creatures.

They always tread on me.

Modest little place.

(Jones) An Englishman's castle is his home.

(Barnaby) Been saving that one, have you?

(Jones) For years, sir.

(Barnaby) I wish you'd saved it a bit longer.

Hello. Diana DeQuetteville. How do you do?

(indistinct voice)

Now it should turn.

Simon, is that straight?

Check it's aligned otherwise the whole framing could lock.

- Ow! - Alright, baby brother?

- Cops want to talk to us. - Why?

I don't know. Maybe it's their job.

Keep your trap shut about the family business, alright?

- What family business? - Exactly.

And leave the idiot here.

- Don't call him that. - What else should I call him?

We're in the library.

Well, I'm sorry if we sound callous,

but I'm afraid we didn't like Bentham.

- Total misery. - Spat at the visitors.

Smelled of boiled cabbage.

And his death really hasn't increased his charm at all.

- Jones. - Right.

Mr Toby... Mr Toby...

Last night you told me you were...?

I was taking the dog out for a walk,

well, slash, and I heard these cries.

I came running round the corner...

...and there was poor Uncle Ben, you know, awful.

You saw a grey horse riding away.

Well, yeah, I did, yeah.

And you say the rider had no head.

Oh, God.

Uh... Well, yeah, um...

He was a bit, um... headless.

(Jones) And as your uncle died, he said the name Geoffrey.

Toby?

I might have misheard that, you know.

Cos he was on the ground... you know. I don't know really.

And Geoffrey...

Is there a Geoffrey in the family?

I can't think of a Geoffrey. Can you, Izzy?

- Geoffrey... - No.

There's a Rupert in Norfolk.

Mind you, he's... he's pretty dead as well.

- Isn't he, Betty? - Mmm.

There's a mark here.

An arc of a small wheel.

Presumably attached to the bottom of these bookshelves.

So sharp he'll cut himself.

Ah. A priest's hole.

May I?

Whoa. Headless horseman.

- Riding a grey horse. - Called Geoffrey.

Geoffrey DeQuetteville. 1605-1645.

He's been dead 400 years.

(Jones) What happened to his head?

(Ludo) He lost it at the Battle of Naseby.

- Charging cannon. - (Isabel) Another damn fool.

This family is a procession of idiots through the ages.

(Barnaby) But why your reluctance

to share this fascinating piece of family history?

Well, there's this damn silly family legend, isn't there?

Whenever Geoffrey's seen

riding around on his horse pointing at someone,

it means that someone's gonna die, imminently.

There's a lot of funny stuff going around here of late.

- No, there's not. - I saw the lady of the lake.

And I heard the chap in the cellar.

- (Betty) You did not. - (Ludo) I did!

This place is chocker with ghosts.

(Betty) It is not.

- It is! - (Betty) Ludo!

(Barnaby) If we could stick to the point for the moment.

Has this horse thing ever actually happened before?

Has the myth ever become the reality?

And that young man was?

That's my son. That's Simon DeQuetteville.

And his particular problem would be?

A few years ago Toby's first wife Angela

was killed in a riding accident and Simon was with her.

And he got this idea

that there was a headless horseman involved.

So we shoved the painting in there to stop it upsetting him.

But he's going to get a lot better, you know.

When his mind can cope, you know.

He's gonna get a lot better

and he's gonna come back to us, you know.

Just like new, right as rain.

You really mustn't let it get you down, darling.

(Betty) I don't.

The remains of a torn flag.

Is that what got him up here?

What have you got down there?

A lot of gravel.

There's wheel tracks but nothing horsey.

OK, get digging. Who owns a grey horse?

Who benefits by Bentham's death, et cetera?

You sure we're not just dealing with a bunch of nutters, sir?

Not relevant, Jones. Probably true, but not relevant.

(loudspeaker feedback)

(man) Testing, testing!

(cannons fire)

Every damn year, every damn month they do something.

Harry, take this.

Deliberately corrupt history.

I've got to do something.

- I'll ask them over. - Waste of time.

It was Naseby. They never got over Naseby.

There's no grey horse in the DeQuetteville stable.

And no one really stands to benefit from Bentham's death.

He was the younger brother, so he didn't have much of his own.

And the family?

High-level source, my gran,

says the whole family are total nutjobs

owing to hundreds of years of inbreeding with their cousins.

- I love your gran. - She's right, though.

Betty's the first time they married

out of their class for ages.

Also, the DeQs have been having an ongoing row

with their neighbours, the Fleetwoods,

who they fought in some battle during the Civil War,

whenever that was.

1642-1651.

Wow. That's some row.

Well, the Fleetwoods are saying their lives are being ruined

by the noise from Quitewell.

The DeQs say, "Tough." The Fleetwoods say, "We'll sue."

And so it goes on.

(galloping hooves)

Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome. See?

He was born with an extra connection in the heart

that allows the electrical signals

to bypass the atrioventricular node

and move from the atria to the ventricles faster than usual.

Which means?

It eventually disrupts the coordinated movement

of the electrical signals through the heart,

leading to cardiac arrest.

- Death. - That's what I just said.

So he wasn't pushed.

It's a highly unlikely coincidence.

- Thank you. - So it was an accident, then.

Jones, a headless horseman was also present.

Probably frightened him off the roof.

Accident? I don't think so.

Can we get some speed up on this?

He hates accidents. Makes him feel superfluous.

Sasha! Looking gorgeous as ever.

When are you gonna leave geeky boy and run off with me?

(Sasha) So sorry to hear about your uncle.

Harry's in his games room. Why don't we go through?

Oh, goody. Harry's playroom. What fun.

Oh, wow. Wow!

You see, this is what really happened at Naseby.

Harry, you never change, do you? Still as boring as ever.

Your Geoffrey committed his entire cavalry wing, there,

to defeating John Fleetwood's foot brigades, there,

leaving himself with nothing in reserve

for when we came back at him.

No wonder he got his head blown off.

It's fascinating. When you put it like that...

Shut up, moron.

Do you wanna tell us what we're doing here?

I actually have a life waiting outside for me, you know.

We need a buffer zone between us.

So we want to buy Long Meadow off you.

You what? Why on earth would we do that?

We use it to stage the battles and the rock concerts.

1812, cannons and fireworks.

- Zumba. - Harry's coming out in hives.

Oh, boo-hoo.

Look, seriously, you've got as much chance

of getting your mitts on the meadow as the Roundheads do

of defeating the Cavaliers next Sunday.

Goodbye.

Toby.

You're on.

- I'm on what? - Let's make it a wager.

If the Roundheads win, you give us Long Meadow.

- Sasha. - But we always win, remember?

We've got the bigger blokes. We've got the cavalry.

So put your money where your mouth is.

I think you've spent too long in Harry's playroom.

Turned you bonkers. Goodbye.

So you won't even bet on a dead cert.

Are you wimpy, DeQuetteville?

Why don't you put your money where your mouth is? How much?

The current value of the meadow.

- Sash. - I don't think...

(Julian) Toby.

OK, you're on.

Easy money. Make my day.

If you cancel, we still win.

I'll have our lawyer email you the deal.

I'll look forward to it. Harry.

Come on. I don't have all day.

- What have you done? - Don't worry, darling.

I'll sort this. I'll see you later.

OK?

Sasha! Sasha! Hi.

Toby? I thought you'd gone.

Well, Julian was driving into town

and he sort of...

Well, he dumped me, to be honest.

- Hop in and I'll drop you off. - Would you?

Ciao, then. Thank you. Thanks so much. Bye.

- Hiya. - What did they want?

Nothing. Well, something...

You'll never guess what.

They only wanted to buy Long Meadow off us.

- You said no? - Well, yeah, yeah. Sort of.

- Sort of what? - Uh...

Well, I said no, but Julian...

I mean, you know Julian. He...

He just sort of... Silly, really.

He sort of... bet Long Meadow on the result of the battle.

- I'll kill him. - They can't win.

Don't be cross, Betty. They never win.

I don't suppose the bet was Sasha's idea, by any chance?

Uh...

You know what, now you come to mention it, I think it was.

I don't think it was Harry's...

Give me the strength.

Amanda.

Sasha, how lovely to see you.

- Very beautiful. - You too.

- Don't start. - God forbid.

- We all do what we have to do. - Absolutely.

And you do it so well.

So be happy for me.

I want to hire your entire stables for the day on Sunday.

Whoa. Serious stuff.

All your horses will have

suspected equine flu on Sunday.

- What are you up to? - Being mean to Julian.

And have a chat to all your horsey chums.

Same deal. No one rents to the DeQs.

Bye.

So didn't you do the Civil War at school?

I mean, Roundheads, Cavaliers, Cromwell?

Execution of Charles I?

- History? - Yes.

But it wasn't exactly yesterday.

So please, miss, could you answer the question?

OK. Come here.

So, the Roundheads won at Naseby.

But the DeQuettevilles, who were Royalists, Cavaliers,

have never really liked that result.

So when they bung on their battle re-enactment every year,

they fix it so that the Cavaliers win.

Well, they did have the nicer gear.

Well, they ain't gonna win this year.

How come?

Because I am going for historical accuracy.

You?

Secretary of the Historical Society.

I'm doing my bit

and gaining the respect of my staff.

Oh, now, just hang about there.

- What? - Turf.

- Turf what? - You are encroaching on mine.

I'm investigating a particularly weird death up there.

What's that got to do with me and my history?

I don't know. I just don't like it.

- Gut feeling, is it, sir? - Do not mock.

We are in a much smaller community now.

We're bound to overlap sometimes. Live with it.

And please don't involve the dog.

Lovely morning.

Nice view.

You haven't seen any headless horsemen hanging around?

Don't joke. Could be you next.

Well, thanks for your concern.

If I see any bogeymen, I'll hunt them down.

- Do Betty at the same time. - Uh, uh, uh. Be nice.

Couple of years, she'll have transformed this place.

Then we can bin her.

What have I got?

Four Aussies waiting at the station.

You're late.

Yeah, that's part of my charm.

(laughs)

Alright, Samson, let's go. Yah!

That's it! Trot on! Come on!

Out of the way, plebs!

Trot on! Come on, Samson!

Trot on!

Whoa!

Right, Samson, let's have you!

Whoa! Whoa!

I saw you!

I'll find you!

You don't frighten me! You're pathetic!

(Jones) Smacked himself on an overhanging branch.

- Oak. - And how do you know that?

Seven years of training, thank you.

- On an overhanging oak branch. - Unlikely.

Health and Safety don't allow overhanging branches any more.

Someone hit him with an oak branch, then.

It's a big branch. Look at the strike area.

Face to chest. That's like a whole tree hit him.

Let's trace his steps. Shall we?

We just cannot afford to cancel Battle Day.

We've lost a son. Surely we can break step for a few days.

Think of Geoffrey DeQuetteville. He kept going.

He was trying to save the monarchy, not run a panto.

Battle Day is our biggest earner.

- And there's Julian's bet. - Exactly.

If we cancel, we will lose Long Meadow, so, please, everyone...

You're looking very plain and pasty today.

Thank you, Izzy. I knew you'd come through.

And do try to lose some weight.

What have you got?

Marks from a chain or something.

OK.

Someone suspended a big log up there on chains,

anchored it to this tree.

Then when the victim came down the lane, cut the rope,

which released the log, which swung down

and smacked him square in the chest.

But if he was going to the station down there,

why did he turn up here?

The wheel tracks down on that last bend

suggest that he was sliding the carriage.

So he was going at quite a lick.

- Was he chasing someone? - Headless?

Well, Diana said he would chase him if he saw him.

If Julian was pursuing someone

and that someone led him to this place...

- Where he could get clobbered. - ...then whoever he was chasing

must have moved pretty damn quick

to get into position to unleash the log.

- Right. - Unless...

Unless...

- There were two of them. - Right.

Yeah, yeah. Unless there were two of them.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

It was!

Where have you been? I was ringing you.

Workshop.

- Have you heard the news? - What news?

Julian. He's dead.

What? How?

Some sort of accident in his carriage this morning.

I'll be in in a minute.

- Are you alright? - Bit of a shock.

Oh!

Can you call Sasha, please? Thank you.

Maybe we could talk somewhere more private.

These people have come to see us abut our daily business.

We're the animals in this zoo.

And Betty Boop would kill us if we disobeyed orders.

I'm not going outside again ever.

OK.

It appears Julian might have been the victim of foul play.

I knew it. I said it.

- He's after us. - Who's that, sir?

Geoffrey, of course.

- Don't be so feeble. - (tour guide) This way.

Julian didn't need ghosts to kill him.

Plenty of real-life volunteers.

A lot of local husbands for starters.

- Really? Julian... - Oh, absolutely.

- Mad shagger. - Oh!

And his seed rarely fell on stony ground.

Izzy, please.

And his twin, Toby?

Younger by only ten minutes,

but totally different personality.

Toby gets on with everyone.

Thick as two planks, of course, but very nice.

So is there anyone in particular who might have had...

Geoffrey, I told you. He's after us all.

Ludo, you're gibbering.

I'm... I'm not going out there ever again.

I'm not even going near that window.

LMF!

- LMF? - Lacking moral fibre.

The men in this family. Pathetic.

It's only the women who have balls.

Are you OK to answer some questions?

Oh, yes. Whatever happens in this family, we plough on.

If we pause for a moment of grief or reflection,

Betty will have us sent to the salt mines.

Was everything OK between you and your husband?

Sorry. It's standard inquiry, I'm afraid.

I need to establish the relationship.

- Julian was a slut. - Uh-huh.

I'm sorry, but in this family, we don't beat about the bush.

Half the village children look remarkably like my late husband.

But you didn't have any children together?

I think I might have noticed that.

Yeah.

But I don't want you to get the impression I didn't like him.

No, no, no, of course not.

He was just a bad boy. But I'll miss him.

I'm sure you will, Mrs DeQuetteville.

It would have been Lady DeQuetteville one day too.

Sorry?

Don't tell me you haven't followed

the inheritance line.

Bentham's gone, now Julian, so when Ludo dies,

it'll be Sir Toby and Lady Betty

lording it about all over the place.

She'll really have crawled her way out of the colonies then.

And I don't suppose there'll be much room for widow Diana

round the inglenook.

(Toby) I mean, hang on. Yeah, Jules gave me a hard time.

But he was still my brother, you know?

He was my twin brother and...

actually, he did a lot of good things too.

So where were you this morning, sir?

Oh, I, um... I've been all over the place this morning.

I ran some errands.

And I was tinkering around with this old... thing.

Of course, you're next in line to inherit, aren't you?

Has something happened to Daddy?

When Sir Ludovic eventually dies.

Oh, God.

You really had me there. Yeah, what did you...

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I suppose I will.

But truth be told, I hate all that being a sir stuff.

and like running this place.

I'm not really very good at that kind of thing.

A bit... socially clumsy and, um...

Nightmare.

I'm sorry. I'm a bit, you know...

Did your brother have any obvious enemies?

You're joking, aren't you?

- Anyone in particular? - Well...

The Fleetwoods. They live just across the field over there.

Family history feud. Been going back yonks.

Yonks? Yonks?

Sounds like a cartoon.

- So what did you get? - His gestures were inward.

He touched his face. He put objects between you.

- Does that mean he's lying? - It means he's nervous.

A common occurrence in people being questioned by the police.

Yes.

That psychology degree of yours

is really useful, isn't it?

It can also help me to spot a chippy detective sergeant.

You go and have a chat with the Fleetwoods.

- I'll ask about the horses too. - Good, good. Keep it moving.

Make sure you stay with the plan, OK, guys?

- Hey, Ben. - How's it going?

It's good. The blue flags are where the Royalists are halted.

And the red flags mark the advance path of the Roundheads.

Of course, it isn't really Naseby.

but it will be a sort of generic Civil War battle.

Did they bully you into doing this?

No. It's part of getting the school

and the community pulling together.

It's a sort of bonding exercise.

So you've never actually attended one of these before?

No.

Boss knows what you're doing, does he?

I am an autonomous unit, Ben.

I don't have to check in with my spouse

every time I take a breath.

Yes, he knows.

Well, good luck with the local... locals.

Thanks.

(Betty) Obsessive compulsive.

At least it keeps him calm for a while.

The accident to his mother, what happened?

No one's sure.

Simon and Angela went for a ride along Badger's Ridge

and then a few hours later

Simon returns, leading his mother's horse

with her body slung across the saddle, just like a Western.

- A grey horse? - Yeah.

It was sold after the accident.

You know, there were no reported ghosts at Quitewell

until about six years ago.

Really?

You took over as estate manager six years ago.

Your point being?

Did you invent the headless horseman, Betty?

You're wasted here.

There were stories about the Dark Rider, as he was known,

from the '20s, housemaid stuff.

So when I found the headless Geoffrey portrait,

I revived the story, freshened it up a bit.

And then I supplemented the spook inventory

with a lady who walks on the lake at full moon

and the skeleton found in the walls of the cellar.

- To what end? - To make money.

Mystery murder weekends.

Spooks, ghostly tales, dark, spooky things.

It's all essential.

So to add a little credence to your ghosts,

you set up the sighting of the headless horseman.

No, no, I did not! There haven't been any sightings.

It's just this daft family jumping on their own bandwagon.

(Barnaby) But your husband said he saw the headless rider

the night that Bentham died.

Toby is a DeQuetteville. Suggestible.

- Why did you marry him? - Offensive question.

Often asked.

Toby may not be the sharpest tool in the box,

but he loves me.

Unconditionally. Like a Labrador.

And that is enough for me right now, thank you very much.

Simon, what is it?

- Did you see anything? - No. Neither did he.

Waterloo. Cannae.

- Naseby? - Yes.

Yes. Are you a battles man?

No, sir, but I've heard how the Fleetwoods

beat the DeQuettevilles at Naseby

and you're still a bit upset with each other.

How would you like to live next to that funfair?

It's absolute hell.

I'm hypersensitive, see.

My skin reacts to stress.

How extreme are these arguments with your neighbours?

Only verbal. I'm not a violent man.

All I want is peace and quiet.

- Do you keep a grey horse? - No.

Yesterday morning, at the time of Julian's death, you were...

Here, figuring out how much the Brazilian floods

would up my coffee futures.

Right.

It's not a moral position.

All this is just applied mathematics

that will run its course whether I'm involved or not.

Anyone with you when you were applying your mathematics?

Sasha was in and out.

Cleaning woman. I don't know.

I wasn't setting up an alibi, was I?

No, we don't have a grey.

Do you know anyone who has?

Next door used to have one.

I didn't see it.

Out here.

Look, they probably sold it. It was Angela's.

She was riding it when she was thrown five years ago.

- Were you out riding yesterday? - Along the Ridge.

- Any witnesses? - I met up with Amanda Harding.

- From the livery stable? - Yes.

Friends, are you, with Amanda?

Yes. We go back a long way.

Who do you think might have wanted to kill Julian?

Take your pick.

He was an arrogant man that preyed on women.

God knows what they saw in him. He won't be missed.

His wife misses him.

Believe me, Diana will soon be out there

scouring the waterfront.

In fact, if I were a landed gent round here,

right now I'd be pulling up my drawbridge

and filling my moat with alligators.

That's a bit strong.

Women know women.

Damn and blast.

- Morning. - Diana.

May I?

Please.

What are you doing?

Wars of the Roses. I'm...

Sorry about Julian.

I'm sure you were devastated.

We had our differences, but I wouldn't...

Do you want to win the battle?

I thought with Julian's death, it would be cancelled.

And you'd win by default.

Betty wouldn't allow that.

So...

What?

I could bring you a lot more than Long Meadow.

I don't understand.

What if you owned both estates?

- And how would I achieve that? - The usual way.

Marriage.

To the right... person.

He... He was there.

I... I... I was inside.

And he was pointing at me.

- A bit churned up here, sir. - You see? You see?

It's the ghost of Geoffrey. I'm a goner.

Sir Ludovic, if his horse was real,

there's a good chance the rider was real too.

No, no, no, no, it's Geoffrey, and he's coming for me.

Well, for today, sir, with the battle on, you go inside.

- And stay... - I will. I will.

I'm not going anywhere. No fear.

Oh, boy.

Any spare uniforms on the doors.

- Yes, sir. - And keep digging on Betty.

She's not real family, but she seems to be

the only one with any brains.

And let's find this damn grey horse.

- (loudspeaker feedback) - Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the annual Quitewell Battle Day.

Ow!

Andy! Can you fix that?

- How's it going? - Great. Great. Chronic.

So you're going to be here, are you, in open view?

Yep.

You know there's a murderer about?

- I had heard. - So I was wondering whether...

- What? - How can I put this?

Well, carefully, if I were you.

Look, I have a major job on. I have to find this person.

It's bad enough that the place is crawling with visitors,

without having my wife here as well...

Just stop. Stop. I mean, really.

What do you think I'm gonna do, get on the PA and say,

"Sorry, there's a baddie about, so I'm off home,

but you all just carry on"?

Why did you even bother?

God knows.

Thank you for trying.

- (loud speaker feedback) - Andy!

- Sir. - What have you found on Betty?

Interesting snippet.

She used to work for the Norfolk branch of the DeQuettevilles,

managing the estate up there.

Why did she move here?

Something to do with a Rupert DeQuetteville.

- Funny business? - Probably not too funny.

He died. He was 81.

- Of natural causes? - No, he fell off a horse.

There's a surprise. Have you found this grey yet?

No, it's not with either family. I'm checking all round the area.

Keep me posted.

- Hi, Jonesy. - Hey, Amanda.

- What brings you here? - I'm looking for a horse.

Their day off.

Aren't they the cavalry for the DeQs?

- Not this year. - Why not?

Julian never paid me for last year.

Oh. Do you have a grey?

- No. - Well, who has round here?

Don't know.

- I could ask. - Yeah, thanks.

How close are you to Sasha Fleetwood?

- What kind of question is that? - It's a murder inquiry.

I have to ask personal stuff. Connections, motives.

Sasha and I were at uni together. Good friends.

No... um...

Oh, don't even go there. It's totally irrelevant.

We were two smart girls with similar ambitions.

Which were?

To use our brains to get us a good life.

Sasha's got there whilst I'm still up to my eyebrows

in debt and horse dung.

Any other connection with the DeQuettevilles?

Julian, did he pass your way?

How likely is that?

Are you coming to the battle?

No. The fuzz want me to stay here.

Geoffrey.

Oi, I said no drinking before we've won the day.

And we'll not fail!

You few, you happy few! You band of brothers!

Cry God for Harry, England and St George!

- Charles I, not Henry V! - I know that.

(cheering)

Total travesty.

I'll see you later.

(trumpet fanfare)

(running footsteps)

(Sarah) Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the annual Quitewell Battle Day.

Now, as I'm sure you all know,

there were no actual Civil War battles in Midsomer.

So what we're doing today is re-enacting

some of the battle tactics employed by the opposing armies

at the Battle of Naseby.

The Cavaliers are mustered at the north end of the meadow,

while the Roundheads are at the south end.

Now, the object of the exercise is for each to capture

the other's battle standards.

We at the Causton Historical Society

have instructed the commanders to follow

our historically based plans

and make the afternoon a real learning experience for all...

No! No!

No, not yet!

Get up and strike now!

- The Roundheads aren't ready! - Present!

Present!

What do you mean? Where are the cavalry?

Amanda says all the horses are sick.

Sure they are. She and Sasha are as thick as thieves.

Toby, wake up. We need to win this.

Hey, no drinking until you've captured the colours.

Go the Roundheads!

- Charge your pike! - (shouting)

Go the Cavaliers!

Death to the Roundheads!

Charge!

The Fleetwood foot to the right.

The right.

Not my right, your right!

That's wrong!

Keep to your flagged areas.

(door rattles)

(door rattles)

Oh, it's you.

You frightened the life out of me!

Hang on. I'll let you in.

(Sarah) As you can see,

the 12-foot ash pikes are topped by metal points

and have a small leather band round them

to stop the blood running down onto the user's hands.

Where'd you go, then?

I don't believe this!

It looks like the Cavaliers have captured

the Parliamentarians' colours, which is not how it happened!

- (man) Oh, yes, it is! - No, it isn't!

So if you Cavaliers would mind sticking to the plan

and just back off, I would be very grateful!

What's this? Who the hell are they? Who are you?

- Betty? - Sir, better come this way.

There seems to have been a serious reversal of fortune.

Obviously some foreign mercenaries have been brought in

from somewhere by someone.

Not that I would know or any historian would know,

or anyone would even care.

(loud speaker feedback)

You had to watch one elderly man.

I want full reports by 10am.

Cheers.

Well, he wouldn't have known what had hit him.

Actually, he may have done.

It hit him full in the face,

so presumably he was looking up at the time.

So why didn't he get out of the way?

What sort of effort would it take to dislodge a gargoyle?

Well, it depends how secure it was in the first place.

If you wanted to know whether it was a big strong man

or a delicate little lady...

It depends how secure it was in the first place.

Yes, thank you, Kate.

Poor Daddy.

I loved him so much.

I mean, we had our moments, but I loved him so, so much.

(Barnaby) I'm sorry to put you through this.

We understand.

Excuse me.

Anything?

We've looked at dozens of video on phone cameras.

They're all pointing at the main action,

so the family's nowhere to be seen.

The Fleetwoods? Get their statements.

Simon, shall we have a little chat?

Simon. Go with the man here.

That was quite a stunt. Your own army.

Necessary.

- So you won Long Meadow. - I guess so.

Darling, a man has died. I'm really not sure.

Let's just see what the lawyers have to say.

Sasha.

So where were you both?

I came inside. Not interested in all that stupid nonsense.

Even with such a potentially important outcome?

Someone would have told me the result eventually.

I was getting my troops in order.

It's not my damn fault

if the DeQuettevilles start killing each other.

We won.

Do you understand sociopathology?

The roots of empathy?

- In relation to? - Women.

They can be very singular in their wants.

Don't ever want to get in their way.

Simon, I'm just a policeman,

but in my line of work I tend to come into people's lives

when they are at their most vulnerable and confused.

Sort of where you are now.

So I want to help you as much as I can.

But mainly I need to apprehend a murderer.

I don't know what you know.

I don't know what's in your head.

I don't know what you've done.

Have you done something I should know about, Simon?

Maybe it was an accident. Maybe he went out for a breather...

And a gargoyle that has lived

happily on the roof for 500 years

suddenly decides this is a good moment to come crashing down?

Probably not an accident, then.

I think someone he knew and trusted called him outside.

And then rushed up to the roof

and dumped the gargoyle on his head, fast.

Or, Jones...

Or he got his accomplice to do the gargoyle bit.

And we're back to the pairing theory.

So, who are the pairs?

Betty and Toby.

- Well, Toby's useless. - But Betty isn't.

Harry and Sasha.

Both motives aplenty.

Diana and... Diana.

We need to find two people

who were missing from the battle area.

Well, I'll keep checking videos for the event.

And I will go home and sleep on it

and in the morning wake to find that my finely tuned brain

has solved it all and written up all the reports.

(Jones) Easy for some.

So we've lost Long Meadow as well.

No. Harry just phoned. Says he won't be calling in the debt.

I bet that thrilled Sasha.

Obviously stood up for himself at last.

- He's a decent man. - He's not. Not at all.

He's pathetic.

Diana, try not to be such a despicable tart.

I beg your pardon?

My son was barely cold

before you were over the wall like an alley cat on heat.

I beg your pardon?

For goodness' sake.

Why do we imagine our domestic staff are all blind and deaf?

They aren't.

They have big ears and bigger mouths.

It's all over the village.

I was trying to save Long Meadow.

You were trying to save yourself

from the penury that is about to consume you.

- And serve you right. - Don't push me, Izzy.

I know the big secret in this family.

Which one?

You know damn well which one.

Don't you worry.

We're the king's men.

We'll show them.

Total maniacs. They didn't want an organiser.

They just wanted to set me up and humiliate me.

All of my staff will know what a farce it turned into.

But was it not a much more historically accurate farce?

- Do you want to die right now? - No, I'm serious.

You were visibly in charge, a figurehead in the community.

As intended. Your historical will prevailed. You won.

They will see that.

- You reckon? - Sure.

So long as you get your story in first.

What are you looking for?

The way into Simon's head.

Being struck dumb through shock or trauma

for more than a short period of time

is statistically very unlikely.

He hasn't said a word for five years.

So?

So is he avoiding facing reality

or is he playing us for a bunch of plonkers?

- Well, you're the psychologist. - Mmm.

But I'm not a psychiatrist.

He's already seen two of those. They didn't get anywhere.

They both used the term idiopathic, which means...

- They haven't got a clue. - Exactly.

Good old Long Meadow.

Still with us after all these years.

You know, when we were younger, on summer nights...

...Daddy would let Julian and me camp out here.

Alright for some.

We'd count the stars until we fell asleep.

You do like it here, don't you, Betty?

- Not so brilliant today. - No, not today.

Obviously not today, but...

Otherwise... you do like it?

You wouldn't leave us?

You wouldn't move on again, would you?

I'm silly.

Toby?

Toby?

What?

- (grunts) - Toby?

What? Toby!

It was Geoffrey pointing at me.

He was pointing at me right...

Geoffrey.

He's gonna kill me, isn't he?

Thank you.

He's gonna kill me next.

I would like you to stay in this room only.

Eat here, sleep here.

We'll have an officer outside the door

and another outside the window.

- Is that really necessary? - Mummy!

Oh, come on, Toby. Pull yourself together.

Try to be a man just this once.

What was all that man stuff about?

It might have been another quite interesting little piece.

- Of what? - I'm not sure yet.

- I could be wrong. - Surely not.

Let's be proactive. Let's poke the hornets' nest.

I'll irritate this lot.

You go over to the Fleetwoods and ask awkward questions.

- About what? - Horses.

Keep after the grey horse. It's gotta be somewhere.

Sir.

Lady Isabel, what did you mean

by saying Toby should be a man for once?

You seemed to be making some sort of comment there.

Just stating the obvious.

Toby is a big drip. Wet as a flannel.

As opposed to Julian.

Julian was an awful man.

But, yes, he was a man.

You're being somewhat elliptical.

Only if you're a bit dim.

You certainly look dim, but I've heard you're quite sharp.

Now, please excuse me.

I have to arrange these flowers for my husband,

whom you so successfully failed to protect.

There will be a full inquiry.

Well, that should perk him up.

What do you want now?

I was wondering how things went with Harry next door.

Yes, yes, I know. All over the village.

Don't you start.

Any particular reason for your... generosity?

Inspector, a woman's sexuality

is a gradually diminishing asset.

I was giving mine one last shot at getting me a bit of security

for my more... interesting years.

Didn't work.

Harry is besotted with that ghastly wife of his.

And your offer of Quitewell Hall itself,

how could you engineer that?

When your husband died, you were out of the line of succession.

You didn't have any children.

No, I didn't.

Thank you.

- Everything OK? - Yes, sir.

No one in or out.

- Keep me posted. - Yes, sir.

(voices on police radio)

Got it. Thanks.

(phone rings)

Hello?

Oh, hello, you. What's up?

Get out of there.

And you definitely don't have a grey?

No.

Are you a good rider, sir?

OK. Not as good as Sash and her chums.

- Chums? - The girls.

Sophie, Jenny, Amanda.

Amanda Harding?

Mmm. Sometimes.

Close, are they?

Used to be.

Amanda's been a bit more distant in the last few years.

Why's that?

She... harboured a strong affection

for someone who eventually decided

they didn't want to jump that particular fence.

Amanda's got a grey.

I think. She used to have, anyway.

Thank you, sir.

- Lost something? - You lied to me.

No, I didn't.

You said you don't have a grey.

- I don't. - Did you have one?

I wanna see your books. Right now.

(motorbike engine revs)

Whoa! Whoa!

What are you doing here?

Heading for the mill. The grey's up there.

All roads leading to Badger's Mill.

A man on a motorcycle, dressed in black, carrying a shotgun.

All cars!

- Eye holes. - But no current occupant.

(clattering)

Well, there's not a surprise.

Care to tell us what you were doing here, Mrs Fleetwood?

Harry and I were thinking of buying the place

and I was just checking it out.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

And this headless horseman gear was just lying there?

Yes.

And a bloke just happened to come by

and fire a shotgun through the door

at what he presumably thought was the headless horseman.

Looks like it.

While the whole thing was being filmed.

Sasha Fleetwood, I am arresting you

in connection with the murders of Julian DeQuetteville

and Sir Ludovic DeQuetteville.

No, no, no. I am not the murderer.

- Really? - Yeah.

Then maybe if you are so innocent,

you should tell us what you were really doing here,

why you were filming the proceedings

and who the gun-happy gent on the bike was, OK?

Simon DeQuetteville. Yes. Meet us at Quitewell Hall.

This still doesn't show who it is.

I didn't reckon on the helmet.

OK, from the top.

Why the headless nonsense?

Originally I just set out to freak old Ludo,

make him terrified of the supposed ghost

and sell us the whole place.

They were driving poor Harry insane. He couldn't work.

So your major asset was in danger.

My husband!

And Harry was a party to all of this?

No.

I helped him make his models before,

so it wasn't too difficult to create the torso.

And then I went riding by Quitewell

trying to spook everyone.

Certainly managed with Bentham.

That's when it all went wrong.

I was really shocked. I didn't want anyone hurt.

- But you kept doing it. - No, I stopped immediately.

- Then started again. - I was given no choice.

I was being blackmailed.

When Julian was killed, I was an accessory to murder.

(sirens wail)

Grounds! Outbuildings!

- He's 21, dark hair! - (officer) Sir.

What is going on?

Simon. Where's Simon?

He went to his room early. He likes to watch telly up there.

Go left.

- Which is his room? - Just ahead.

He always locks his door. He's terrified of the dark.

Simon? Simon, are you in there?

No sign.

- Dark. - God, not in there!

Stay back. Simon.

Give me that. Call an ambulance.

I'll do it. I'll... I'll do it.

Simon, I'm just gonna cut through these ties.

OK, now, this might be a bit of a shock just for a second.

Simon. Simon, are you OK?

- Hey! Hey! - OK. Leave it, Jones!

Jones, back off! OK, now, Simon, Simon.

Listen to me.

I'm on your side,

I'm your friend and no one is going to hurt you.

It's alright. It's alright.

We know the truth. You and me.

Trust me, Simon. Can you do that?

Can you trust me, as your friend?

Medics.

Sit down.

So who put you in there?

Any idea?

Medics are on their way, sir.

Mr Toby here was going to help them.

Yeah, I was just opening the gate, you know.

- Smart thinking. - Thank you. Simon...

And how are you today after yesterday's shock?

Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.

- And how are you, Betty? - Uh...

She's fine. Everyone's fine. Just get on with it.

Lady Isabel, would you mind sitting down

and shutting up just for once?

So you're still feeling a bit upset, are you, Betty?

Obviously. Who wouldn't be?

So just as well you have Toby.

Yes.

(Barnaby) And, Toby, you have Betty.

Best thing that ever happened to me.

At last, someone who would accept you for what you were.

Well, she...

She never said I was silly or... or anything, so...

Diana, stay.

The... headless horseman ghost story.

You never did believe it, did you, Toby?

- Yeah, I did, actually. - No, I don't think so.

You didn't believe it because you knew that ghosts

don't ride around on recognisable horses,

and you knew where that grey came from, didn't you?

Amanda Harding's livery.

So it was very easy for you to find out who she'd sold it to.

Sasha Fleetwood, wasn't it?

I... I didn't know.

We have Sasha safely in our custody.

- Unharmed. - Right.

You made a deal with Sasha, didn't you?

When she dropped you off here the other day.

The thing is, Sash, I know you're the headless horseman,

and you are gonna be in a lot of trouble.

Unless you do exactly as I say and only when I tell you.

And then you threatened to expose her

as the cause of Bentham's death.

This is crazy. I wouldn't do that.

I mean, why would I do that?

Because you wanted something

which entailed a considerable culling of your family members.

I saw you! I'll find you!

- Toby... - It's nonsense, Betty.

- It's total nonsense. - But you still had a way to go.

Your father.

Oh, it's you. You frightened the life out of me.

Hang on. I'll let you in.

(Barnaby) So you enticed your father out of the house

while you raced up to the roof

and dislodged one of the old gargoyles.

Me? This chap's mad. I mean...

I saw the rider and he pointed at me.

- He pointed directly at me! - Yes.

Sasha realised that she was now under serious threat,

so she deliberately made a final appearance

to provoke you into going after her,

called you when you were in here, right?

"We must meet. Come to Badger's Mill."

I think you're forgetting that I was in here, wasn't I?

I was in here. I was surrounded by all your blokes.

I was under lock and key, so, you know, I mean...

Toby, every priest's hole has two exits.

I knew that you could get out and I could follow you.

But it was very clever of you to go next door

and take Harry's bike.

I didn't think of that.

Betty, you can't believe a word this man says.

It's like a fantasy.

At the mill, Sasha filmed you trying to shoot her.

This was to be her insurance.

They were so mean to me... when I was...

when I was younger, Julian and Daddy.

They were so mean. Julian...

And Daddy let him, so...

(Barnaby) And Julian even slept with your first wife.

(Betty) Toby.

I was never very good at the fathering thing, was I,

so Julian said he'd sort it.

- Angela didn't know, so... - Oh, God!

As Julian's son, Simon was the rightful heir to Quitewell,

so you had to put him on ice.

And what would keep Simon in a permanent state of trauma?

Being locked in the dark, being trapped in the priest's hole.

- With Geoffrey. - (Betty) Oh, God!

And what was it all for, Toby? Why?

Yes, it was for Betty.

The only person who had ever shown you any respect,

any tenderness.

And you were terrified that she would leave you.

So you felt that you had to give her everything possible

to make her stay.

You had to make her

Lady Elizabeth DeQuetteville of Quitewell Hall

and she would stay forever.

Oh, Toby.

You did it all for love.

I wasn't leaving.

I married you.

- You won't leave us, will you? - Oh!

Will you?

Mummy?

Um...

Um...

I...

I...

- I... - Simon.

I think I missed a few points there.

Could you go through it again, please?

- There's a report just came in. - Oh, yes?

Three people claim they saw the headless horseman

in the last half-hour.

What's that about?

That is a sense of community, Jones.

One goes mad, they all go mad.

It's a wonderful little world out here.