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1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,838
Subtitles by explosiveskull
2
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,198
This is one of my favorite spaces
in the White House.
3
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,238
We call it the Colonnade.
4
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,838
I've filled it with beautiful art
that holds special meaning
5
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:14,320
to my husband and me.
6
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,480
This is where I first met the President.
7
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,718
And this is a bust of
Ms. Heather Chandler of Sherwood, Ohio.
8
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,560
It reminds me of the first time
I watched my husband attempt a murder.
9
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,558
And this is Butcher's Bridge.
10
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:33,758
The very spot where I knew
for the first time
11
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,120
that I truly loved the President.
12
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,998
It's also the very spot
where the President betrayed me,
13
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,560
and then lied about it.
14
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,238
As a role model,
I have a duty to set an example
15
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,878
to women all across our great nation,
16
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,920
so they know that lies and betrayal
of any kind are unacceptable.
17
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:21,120
And can never happen again.
18
00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:02,238
Dear Diary, so the doctors told me
they can only keep JD against his will
19
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,718
in what's called a mental hold
for three days
20
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,758
and it had to be for a good reason.
21
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,118
He blew up his car. A Porsche.
22
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,120
Damn, he's the craziest one in here.
23
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:16,398
So, I guess JD has three days
to make up for what he did.
24
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:21,000
Three days to learn how to be
a proper boyfriend.
25
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,040
Good morning, Sunshine.
26
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,358
And we're doing...
27
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,078
a one, two, three. Noose.
28
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,718
One, two, three.
29
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Razor blade.
One, two, three.
30
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,918
Drink poison and... splits.
31
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:01,880
And bang. Shoot yourself.
32
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:07,878
Epic. Heather, play your cards right and
you could end up in my shoes one day.
33
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,038
Excuse me.
I won't do splits.
34
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,198
All great dance numbers
end with splits, Heather.
35
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,558
I just don't think Sue E. Cyde
would do them.
36
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,598
-It feels unmotivated.
-She's about to kill herself, Heather.
37
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,438
Of course, splits are motivated.
38
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,520
Or is it because our actress
can't do them?
39
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,718
Heather.
Do you know who's coming to our preview?
40
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:29,158
Amita. Amita and her massive
social media footprint.
41
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,758
I know who Amita is, Heather.
42
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,798
Then you know that one post
to her 600,000 followers
43
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,598
takes me and my campaign
to end suicide to the next level.
44
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,478
And you know that with Amita coming,
45
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,438
we have all the more reason
for our lead to do splits.
46
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,838
Maybe we need a new choreographer.
47
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,240
Someone who gets art.
48
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,598
Or maybe we need a new actress.
49
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,320
Bang.
50
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:56,678
Heather, using a gun in school
is a very serious issue.
51
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,278
-Who is Heather?
-Me.
52
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,838
I don't understand.
53
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,838
We need to expel her.
Is that your preferred pronoun?
54
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,158
For old people, my preferred pronoun
is don't talk to me.
55
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:09,518
Why is his name Heather?
Why would his parents name him Heather?
56
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,718
I thought
we were supposed to say "they."
57
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,878
You know, I find "they" to be
very confusing.
58
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,438
Whatever it is,
we need to expel them.
59
00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,078
-Them? There are two now?
-No, we're talking about her.
60
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,518
-You just said "them."
-Well, we mean him.
61
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,438
-Don't call him "him."
-Can you believe her?
62
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,078
I thought we weren't supposed
to say "her"?
63
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,718
-I meant her, not them.
-Well, who is "them" then?
64
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,198
For crying out loud,
what is going on here?
65
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,958
We expelled Lizzy for bringing
a gun to school, Maurice.
66
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,558
Okay, Lizzy was poor.
We didn't know what she was capable of.
67
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,078
Let's be honest.
Them's not hurting anyone.
68
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,480
Heather does have the face of an angel.
69
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,078
I guess you're right.
70
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,038
I've never heard of a redhead
committing a crime.
71
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,198
But we need to send a message.
72
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,278
And I have just the punishment for zim.
73
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:53,998
Who is Zim?
74
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,560
What the hell did he do?
75
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,598
What is this?
76
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:05,438
Westerburg Considered.
77
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,440
Westerburg's balanced
and thoughtful news program.
78
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,438
You've never seen it? Our show airs
every morning during first period.
79
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,358
Obviously, I've never been here
that early.
80
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,278
Heather, I want you
81
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:20,318
to bring your formidable
entertainment skills to the table,
82
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,760
and help these young men
turn Westerburg Considered into a hit.
83
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,918
Or get expelled
84
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,600
and run the risk of having
to come back here another year.
85
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,878
Why does it smell like SPF-1000?
86
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,360
Oh, hello, Heather.
87
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,598
They're making me do journalism,
Heather.
88
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,958
Like the boring kind for ugly people.
89
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,478
Maybe you could talk to them.
Say it wasn't a big deal.
90
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,678
But it was a big deal, Heather.
91
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,318
You threatened me.
92
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,998
I don't know how long it's gonna take
for me to feel safe again at Westerburg.
93
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:05,158
Can you not be a total teratoma
for once and just help me?
94
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,318
Actually, I don't think I can.
95
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,758
I would for a real friend, but...
96
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,518
you tried to make a play for my throne
before my body was even cold.
97
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,678
You were dead.
98
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,040
You left me.
99
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,918
You know, I always knew
you'd come crawling back
100
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,358
like the seasonal
Halloween store employee you are.
101
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,558
-Okay.
-Your ambition again
102
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,398
outstrips your skills, Heather.
103
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,598
Proximity to power is really the most
someone like you can ever ask for.
104
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,758
And if I have to take that away
so you learn your lesson,
105
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,480
then so be it.
106
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,120
Father, I need your advice.
107
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,598
I know you always taught me
to be number one.
108
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,518
And, of course,
in most areas of my life, I am.
109
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,398
I'm the richest. I'm the hottest.
110
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,840
I have the alabaster skin
of a cursed prince.
111
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,638
But at school, I'm still second fiddle
112
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,000
because of her.
113
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,360
Heather.
114
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,158
Obviously, I know the real reason
she won't let me rise up
115
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,878
to my rightful place is because
she's deeply jealous of me.
116
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,118
Just like Mom, I guess.
117
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,758
Witch.
118
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,878
You'd think I would be happy
she fell down the staircase
119
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,758
just like your first wife did.
And... I am.
120
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,278
It's almost as if I psychologically
121
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,918
only feel comfortable when a strong,
122
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:34,200
overbearing woman with questionably
garish style lords over my every whim.
123
00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:38,720
So, I ask you...
124
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Dad...
125
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What should I do about Heather Chandler?
126
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,040
What's that, Dad?
127
00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,318
Systematically destroy her
and everything she holds dear
128
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:59,320
by any means necessary,
just like you did with Mom?
129
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,000
Thank you, Dad.
130
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:08,478
Dear Diary, in order to move forward
as a couple,
131
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:11,038
JD has a lot more to learn.
132
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,880
Like how to communicate.
133
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,160
Are you sure you want me
to read your diary?
134
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:23,518
No, I mean,
135
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,598
you should read it.
136
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,600
They're your words.
137
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,958
"I know I made a mistake, Veronica.
138
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,438
And I know I can never actually
make it up to you."
139
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,758
But that's why I'm here, JD.
140
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,520
I'm telling you
that you can at least try.
141
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,880
"But I don't deserve you, Veronica.
142
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,718
I cheated on you.
143
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:55,958
You were hopelessly devoted
and I threw all of that away
144
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:59,638
on just one stupid kiss
with Betty Finn."
145
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:00,960
That's true.
146
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,680
But I'm a forgiving person.
147
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,518
So good of you, Veronica.
148
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:11,920
And, hey...
149
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,200
I'll get there.
I will. It's just...
150
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,840
Your crime was so big,
151
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,920
so hurtful,
152
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,478
that I couldn't let you
go to jail for attacking Betty.
153
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,640
The punishment just wouldn't
fit the crime.
154
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,080
For you to truly atone...
155
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,080
you need me.
156
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,480
As judge, jury...
157
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,480
and executioner.
158
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,280
I'm a good kid.
159
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,198
-No, you're not.
-Yes, I am.
160
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,718
I'm a good person.
161
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,558
-You're not.
-I am!
162
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,478
-You're not, you're not, you're not!
-Shut up.
163
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,800
-You're not, you're not, you're not.
-Shut up!
164
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,598
Nurse, help!
165
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,638
She's-- She's trying to kill me.
166
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,278
She did this to me, okay?
She put me here.
167
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,238
She wants me in one place
168
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,318
so she can murder me.
Please help me.
169
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,198
The new ones always do this.
He'll calm down in a few hours.
170
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,318
She's evil! God!
171
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,798
She's going to kill me!
God, you have to help me! Please.
172
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,438
No, no!
173
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,560
Somebody help me!
No. Stop!
174
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,958
You calm down.
175
00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:00,118
This little blonde girl here
is not going to kill anyone.
176
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,678
He'll get better.
177
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,040
Just takes some time.
178
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:17,558
And the blue bins are for glass
and cans as well, or just cans?
179
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,758
You can actually put both
in the blue bins, Seth.
180
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,118
Fascinating, Driffany. And that's
because non-carbon based plastic--
181
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,400
Westerburg Considered.
182
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,278
No one is watching
your little news show.
183
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,478
Recycling, blah, blah.
184
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,438
SAT prep, blah, blah.
185
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,438
Suicide prevention,
blah, freaking, blah.
186
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,678
Where are my high-speed chases?
187
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:49,758
Where are my dead white girls?
I mean, none of your news anchors
188
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,318
are even yelling at the viewers
with seething hatred?
189
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,638
Well, the intended purpose
of Westerburg Considered
190
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,158
is to inform the student body.
191
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,798
Inform?
I'm already dead from boredom.
192
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,078
I'm floating above myself.
I'm looking down on my body.
193
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,598
My jawline looks great.
194
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,958
The purpose of the media
195
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,240
isn't to inform, Peter.
196
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:14,920
It's to destroy.
197
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,438
-But shouldn't we--
-Kyle.
198
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:20,840
Heather Duke is talking.
199
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,718
So here is more of the vibe
we'll be going for.
200
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:30,038
And we're supposed to believe
you simply ran away for two years?
201
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,558
That you weren't abducted
by a wayward trucker?
202
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,038
That you weren't held against your will
203
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:37,798
and made to perform indecent sex acts
in a taxidermy shed?
204
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,278
That you weren't tossed,
gasping for life,
205
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,758
off the balcony of a cruise ship
by an illegal immigrant?
206
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,400
I honestly was just in Portland.
207
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,438
Well, it's Stockholm syndrome,
baby girl.
208
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,278
Help me, help me, help me,
dear viewers,
209
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,318
help this girl find the sick, twisted,
210
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:01,198
and demented individual
who did this to her.
211
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,278
And you're in my prayers
and in my unborn's prayers.
212
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:09,558
Next up, a wealthy suburb in Ohio
is rocked by suicide.
213
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:13,478
Could this be related to the murder
of a little girl years ago?
214
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,120
We'll find out,
next time on Lexi Anne.
215
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,440
That is news.
216
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,358
Now, everyone knows the best way
to ratings gold
217
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,278
is to think of a bundt-cake-looking cow
218
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,558
named Heather Chandler
who's wronged you
219
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:32,440
and use your platform
to bring that heifer down.
220
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,158
Westerburg, our days are numbered.
221
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,958
We're killing ourselves left and right.
222
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,518
The ocean is filled with
flaming polar bear carcasses
223
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,640
and none of you will ever have jobs.
224
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,878
Hi.
Welcome to Hellscape with Heather Duke.
225
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,480
Now let's get to some Hot Takes
before we die.
226
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,278
Hot take,
human fish bone spinning around
227
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,320
a garbage disposal Betty Finn...
228
00:13:58,320 --> 00:13:59,998
was sent to military school.
229
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,998
Why does she hate our troops?
230
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,158
Not sure. Why don't you ask her?
231
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,798
Next Hot Take,
232
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,038
global warming is a problem
233
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:12,238
and yet Trailer Parker is spending
how much energy rolling around
234
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,758
in her space wheelchair?
Not sure.
235
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,118
Next time you see her, ask her
why she hates the rainforest.
236
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,000
Spoiler, it's because she's poor.
237
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,078
Blind Item: guess which one
of Ohio's biggest influencers
238
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,878
is coming to judge Heather C.
in her musical?
239
00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,640
Amita, Amita, Amita.
240
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,998
Number one, she was the first person
to vacation to Iceland.
241
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,038
Number two, she's never been in a car.
242
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,398
Number three,
her favorite color is clear.
243
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,198
Will she hate Heather's performance,
thus destroying her at Westerburg?
244
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,398
I'll never tell.
245
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:46,560
Now it's time for Westerburg Exposed.
246
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,758
Kyle, is it?
247
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,600
Tell me, who do you want to expose?
248
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,680
Peter Dawson.
249
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,518
I'm listening.
250
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,238
He masturbates in the library.
Every afternoon.
251
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,840
Right in Biography.
Sometimes in Life Sciences.
252
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,520
Sounds like a case of
the gooey decimal system to me.
253
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,118
Well, that's all the time we have
for today.
254
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,998
Join us tomorrow.
Or don't if you're dead.
255
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,758
As we say here on Hellscape:
256
00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,480
Everyone is wrong but you.
257
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,318
Dear Diary, I believe in JD.
258
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,198
I believe he can change.
259
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,638
I believe he can be the boyfriend
I know he's capable of being.
260
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,598
All he needs is some guidance.
261
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,278
Some instruction.
262
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:48,320
And I am happy to provide that for him.
263
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,878
My precious Veronica,
264
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,078
I am so incredibly sorry
265
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,518
I didn't go with you
to Heather McNamara's funeral.
266
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,118
I owed it to you to be there
to support you.
267
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,238
I messed up. I was wrong.
268
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,400
And it will never happen again.
269
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,880
I'll be there in a minute, lemmings.
270
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,278
Ever since I was small
271
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,238
Always followed the herd
272
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,558
No matter where it leads
273
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:44,800
I was willing to be lured
274
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,078
Mother always said
275
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,198
Do as you're told
276
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,678
Better get in line
277
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:57,558
Or be left in the cold
278
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:01,758
What about my books
What about my dreams
279
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,678
What about the boy I love
Who's much more than he seems
280
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,078
What if we ran away
281
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,238
To a Parisian café
282
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,318
There sipping tea
283
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,478
Just him and me
284
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,798
They'd say, oh, Charlotte
285
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,318
There you go again
286
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,758
With your flights of fancy
287
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,798
No, Charlotte
288
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,998
You must join us all
289
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:31,718
Your dreams
They don't matter
290
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:35,960
So, let's go splatter
291
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,758
Should I play it safe
And stay here on my own
292
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:45,318
It doesn't matter if you're right
If you're right and all alone
293
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,358
So, I must leap
294
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,998
But am I a sheep?
295
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,758
No, I'm a lemming
296
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:59,238
Lemmings have to leap
297
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,720
Lemmings have to die
298
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,998
Time to kiss the sky
299
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:12,078
Goodbye
300
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:18,718
Goodbye
301
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,120
Goodbye.
302
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:43,678
Lemmings. Lemmings, come on.
Hey, come on. Go.
303
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,080
Oh, my God. You'll never make it.
304
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,880
Amita, honey.
305
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,320
-Amita!
-Amita.
306
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,880
-So, what did you think?
-It was intense.
307
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:02,798
-You really think so?
-I've never seen anything like it.
308
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,600
-We died.
-We're dead.
309
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,958
That last song. Wow.
310
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,438
Just wow.
311
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,920
Was that when she came out
and screamed for three minutes?
312
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,998
I feel like there was
a lot of moisture in the room.
313
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,758
It's a very physical performance.
314
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,718
Yeah, it looked like you were
trying really hard.
315
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,640
It's amazing how breathlessly proud
of your body you were/are.
316
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,878
Well, I think it's really important
to set a precedent
317
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,880
for body positivity at all times.
318
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,438
I love how I look.
319
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,920
Well, good luck with that.
320
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,120
You love how you look?
321
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:47,558
It's funny, at Westerburg,
people think you are a queen.
322
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,238
They fear you, they love you,
323
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,720
they want to be you.
324
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,078
But I know the truth.
325
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,400
And I know that it's all an act.
326
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,358
You're a lie, Heather.
327
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,720
You're a joke.
328
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,760
You're a housewife singing karaoke
on a Girls' Night.
329
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:10,238
Strip away all the bells
and whistles...
330
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:11,680
what's left?
331
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,480
Just a fat girl with money.
332
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,878
Sorry.
You love your body.
333
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,200
You accept yourself.
334
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,480
So, prove it.
335
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,080
Heather?
336
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:10,238
I'm so sorry, I don't want to bug you,
but I just had to say.
337
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,118
That was wonderful.
338
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,238
I mean, you were wonderful.
339
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,880
I know my opinion probably
doesn't mean anything, but...
340
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,880
That last song,
I just related to it so much.
341
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,680
I just know you're going to be
on Broadway one day.
342
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,920
Grow up, Trailer Parker.
343
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:51,398
Blind item: what boisterous bitch's
Broadway bid went bust?
344
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,640
Spoiler alert, it's Heather Chandler.
345
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,798
Teenage Suicide: Don't Do It
was dragged to hell and back
346
00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,518
by everyone who matters.
347
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,880
Let's pour some gasoline on
this dumpster fire, shall we?
348
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,038
This one's my favorite.
349
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,998
Her star is falling faster
than a stack of bricks.
350
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,518
But wait. There's more?
351
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,198
Time for Hot Takes. My Hot Take?
352
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,118
Heather's show wasn't just bad,
353
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:25,798
it was E-V-I-L evil.
354
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,438
This eagle-eyed reporter spotted
some occult imagery in some of the sets.
355
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,880
Art or witchcraft?
356
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,838
I just hope the administration
does the right thing
357
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,398
and shuts down the musical.
358
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:43,160
I don't want Satanism in my school.
Do you?
359
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,400
All I know is that Heather Chandler
is over.
360
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,078
Dear Diary,
361
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,278
one of the most important parts
of a relationship
362
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,200
is getting along with the parents.
363
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:32,960
Poor thing.
364
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,598
-Look at you!
-Hi!
365
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,158
Hi! Aren't you just the world's
best girlfriend.
366
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,038
Sitting here all night,
keeping JD company.
367
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,518
Bud is just so thankful. Bud!
368
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,278
You know how men are with emotions.
Stiff upper lip.
369
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,838
Plus, I don't think he'll ever get over
what JD did to that Porsche.
370
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,480
That was expensive.
371
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,478
I like that. That's cute.
I wish I could wear that shade.
372
00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:00,518
Bud! Veronica here has been
caring for your son all damn night,
373
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,238
I think the least you could do
is say hello.
374
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,318
Hello, Veronica.
375
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,838
Aren't we gonna thank her
for watching after JD?
376
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,838
Thank you, Veronica.
377
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,838
Men, I swear.
Is it really that hard to say thank you?
378
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,200
It's like pulling panties off a pig.
379
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,360
Now, go! Go say hi to your son.
380
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:25,200
You're an embarrassment.
Just like your mother.
381
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,638
Thanks for all your help, Veronica.
382
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,800
I think JD has got a winner
in this girl, right here.
383
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,960
-Let's go.
-Bye!
384
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:49,278
JD is so close to being
the perfect boyfriend, Diary.
385
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:53,958
Clearly his father and the idiot
he's dating absolutely love me.
386
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,440
But something still doesn't
feel quite right.
387
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:01,118
Well, he has 24 hours
to figure it out.
388
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:04,398
I hope for his sake he does.
389
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,118
-Expelled?
-I'm sorry, Heather,
390
00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:11,398
but the recommended punishment
for attempted murder is expulsion.
391
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,398
Have fun being home schooled, Heather.
392
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,318
Well, I'm sure that if I just
talk to Mrs. Duke
393
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,798
we could come to an understanding.
Where is your mother, Heather?
394
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,638
Probably in hell.
395
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,160
Yeah, but your stepmother
is on her way, right, Heather?
396
00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,360
Is someone eating beef jerky?
397
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,558
Young lady, this is a private meeting.
398
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,118
I don't know what kind of school
you're running here, Ms. Fleming,
399
00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:34,598
but it certainly
doesn't seem appropriate
400
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:36,278
to bring in an actual streetwalker
401
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,678
to teach the children about the dangers
of the sex working industry.
402
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,280
Streetwalker?
403
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,278
I got this at the good mall.
404
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:48,120
We really do need to cover up
in a learning environment.
405
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:51,640
Let me tell you a story, lady.
406
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,118
When I first started stripping
down at the Grab Bag,
407
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,038
I kept an eye out for the high rollers,
408
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,198
men with visible gold, fresh socks.
409
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,518
Then one day this nerd walks in,
410
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:09,038
and I gave him the same look
you're giving me now.
411
00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:12,438
But then, in the midst of my routine,
412
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:17,480
when everyone else was tossing out
ones and fives...
413
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,640
this guy... held up his phone
414
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:28,080
and showed me the biggest
bank account balance I had ever seen.
415
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,720
That man was your father.
416
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:36,400
So, ma'am...
417
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,638
when you judge by appearances,
418
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:46,998
you might just overlook the hero
who changes your life.
419
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,198
-I don't understand.
-Bitch,
420
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,838
I was coming in here
to take your side.
421
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,478
I hate this un-dead Rue McClanahan here.
422
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:58,158
What? I didn't even do anything.
423
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,318
You dare to cast judgment on me?
424
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:06,878
My poor unfortunate stepson/daughter
425
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:08,678
is never gonna feel safe
426
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:12,560
until Heather is gone from Westerburg.
427
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,198
What if we take Heather's car away?
428
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,718
How much would it take
429
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:22,920
for you to agree to that?
430
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,680
My dignity is only worth 20 bucks?
431
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,760
Okay.
432
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:52,278
Well. Looks like we've come
to an agreement.
433
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,480
And how am I supposed to get to school?
434
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,080
I peed.
435
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,840
I don't want to do this, JD.
436
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,440
I don't want to hurt you.
437
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,640
But you've left me with no choice.
438
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,520
You have always looked at me as...
439
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,598
an accessory. An accomplice.
440
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,920
But is that really what you want
in a girlfriend?
441
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,758
Just your dutiful first lady?
442
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,918
Seen, but not heard?
443
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,000
Other guys like that bullshit, but...
444
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:53,960
I was so sure
445
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,040
that you weren't like other guys.
446
00:32:58,200 --> 00:32:59,520
And yet...
447
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:03,320
I don't even know
448
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,238
that you respect me.
449
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:07,918
Because if you did,
450
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,360
why would you lie about Betty, JD?
451
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,240
Why would you lie to an equal?
452
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:17,720
Why?
453
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:21,680
Answer me!
454
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:25,560
I said, answer me!
455
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:43,678
-Why would you throw that vase, JD?
-What?
456
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,198
You just threw that vase. You...
457
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,360
You went crazy.
I'm really scared, JD.
458
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,120
You're right.
459
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:56,920
I messed up.
460
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:02,400
I lied because I'm weak,
and I don't deserve you.
461
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:06,438
But I'll never do it again,
462
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,240
because, Veronica,
463
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:15,600
I love you so deeply and completely.
464
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:20,680
You're lying to me.
465
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,320
I'm not, my darling.
466
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,238
Shut up.
467
00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,518
But why, Veronica?
468
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:30,960
I love you.
469
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,000
You still don't get it.
470
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,160
You're not even close.
471
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,560
I hope you like this little room...
472
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,400
because you're never seeing
the outside of it.
473
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,518
You love me.
474
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,038
You think I'm amazing.
475
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:02,680
You want to be me?
476
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:05,040
Okay.
477
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,598
Known as the fastest predator
on the savannah,
478
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:17,198
the cheetah corners its quarry.
479
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,358
-Run, you dumb baby bunny.
-Run, you dumb baby bunny.
480
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,118
The cheetahs work together
to corner the prey
481
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,800
and take it down.
482
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,280
I ran into Betty's mom
at the grocery store today.
483
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:10,798
She said they sent Betty away.
To military school.
484
00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,558
Betty? Why?
She always seemed like such a good kid.
485
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:15,318
She didn't say why.
486
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,440
Maybe she's been acting out lately.
487
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,680
Do you think it's because of...
488
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,238
-Where is she?
-In her room. Because of what happened.
489
00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:30,438
Anne, we only have a year
'till she's out of the house.
490
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,038
I don't want to rock the boat.
491
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,318
-But, Kevin, we need to talk--
-No, just drop it.
492
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:35,920
We have our safety to think about, too.
493
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:46,198
Dear Diary,
well, there you have it.
494
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,318
I have the perfect boyfriend
495
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,598
with all the perfect things,
496
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:54,080
like flowers and dinners and listening.
497
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:57,478
And I hate it.
498
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:00,758
I hate it because it's a lie.
499
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,518
And the one thing I thought
I had with JD was the truth.
500
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,958
Pure, honest, nothing-held-back truth.
501
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:09,680
But that was a lie too.
502
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:15,238
So now, I have no choice
503
00:37:15,240 --> 00:37:17,800
but to do this.
504
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,800
Three days are up.
You're free to go.
505
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,200
No.
506
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:26,880
Veronica.
507
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:29,560
I loved you.
508
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,478
Of course,
I was coming here to kill you,
509
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,838
but that was only because I loved you.
510
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,438
Suicide was for them,
not for us. Not--
511
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:39,918
Not for you.
512
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,438
There's never gonna be another girl
like you.
513
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:46,958
You were the only girl like you,
514
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:49,478
and you're right.
I didn't see that.
515
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,878
I didn't see the girl that you were,
but that girl,
516
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,478
she was even more amazing
than I could have ever imagined.
517
00:38:55,480 --> 00:39:01,078
I mean, she was even more sick and
twisted than I could ever hope to be.
518
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,998
You blew up my car.
519
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:04,400
You had me committed.
520
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,080
And I loved that.
521
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,520
I loved you, Veronica Sawyer.
522
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,040
And I'm never going to
love anybody again.
523
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,280
Oh, damn!
524
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,280
Don't do anything
you're going to regret.
525
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,238
The only thing that I want to do...
526
00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:34,560
is kiss you.
41041