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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Beautiful radius of hollow.
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Smooth finish.
3
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Immaculate edges.
4
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Perfect again.
5
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I aim to please, Elvis Stojko.
6
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I'm sorry about the wait.
7
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I had to change out the grinding stone
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for my number-one customer.
9
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Always worth the wait, brother.
10
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And, uh, take care of that left ankle.
11
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So you noticed?
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Pssht! The way
that right blade was worn down,
13
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how could I not?
14
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Oh, damn, you're good, Deej.
15
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That's why I always come to
you whenever I'm in town.
16
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Don't even need to skim
this one with my nail.
17
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,462
Gertie and I appreciate
the vote of confidence.
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You wanna skim it with your nail,
don't ya?
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Oh, yeah, I have to!
20
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Oh, flawless!
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It's a me thing, not a you thing.
22
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Please, those are your money-makers.
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Say hello to Gladys for me.
24
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We'll all go out for snow cones
25
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and you can say hello to her yourself.
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See ya later, Elvis Stojko.
27
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Hello, friend!
28
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Hey, friend... Do I know you?
29
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My name is Fab de Luca,
and I am your future.
30
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Like, you're from the future?
31
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Yes...
32
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And in 30 seconds,
I'm gonna tell you something
33
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that's gonna blow your skates off.
34
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Can you just tell me now?
35
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Imagine a world where
skates sharpen themselves,
36
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where employees can focus on things
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other than skate sharpening
because the skates don't need
38
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anyone to sharpen them because
they sharpen themselves
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without the need of
hands-on skate sharpening
40
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like skate sharpeners do.
41
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In a world such as this...
42
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Is it just me,
or is this world hard to imagine?
43
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No need to imagine.
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You can see it with your very eyes!
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What is it?
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Introducing the Lazer Blade
auto-sharpener.
47
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Equipped with machine
learning capabilities
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and an embedded scanning system.
This, my friends,
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is the future of skate sharpening.
50
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Oh... Can we keep that thing?
51
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For a measly $10,000...
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your staff will be unburdened
from the shackles of sharpening
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and be able to focus
on what truly matters.
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- Black lives?
- Sales.
55
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Ten grand?
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Sweet Jezebel, that is a lot.
57
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You think that's a lot of money?
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I invested 100k of my own
money into this company...
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00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,954
because that's how much I
believe in the Lazer Blade!
60
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,756
Well, we're not really
looking for a new machine.
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00:02:03,772 --> 00:02:05,824
Ol' Gertie here's doing just fine.
62
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Well, she's actually due
for another tune-up,
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00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:09,694
now that I think of it.
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A tune-up won't fix what
ails that decrepit beast!
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Easy...
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You, sir, how do you rate
your customer satisfaction
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with their skate sharpening experiences?
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00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:22,641
- A hundred...
- 75%, and that's being generous.
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00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,309
- Mm-hm.
- Does it do figure skates?
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Figure skates,
hockey skates, speed skates,
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racing skates, pacific white skates...
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Just kidding, that's a fish!
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Clever wordplay aside,
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the Lazer Blade does 'em all,
and it does so with speed,
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precision, and honour.
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00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,256
Why honour?
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When you whet the blade
with the exactness of a samurai,
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you too would feel honour.
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Ooh, "whet" with an h. I like that one.
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The h stands for "honour."
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And say goodbye to dressing wheels.
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The Lazer Blade has no wheels.
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What does the Lazer Blade have?
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Lasers!
85
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Oh-ho!
86
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Oh my God. Please, no.
87
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Whoa...
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Behold.
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Sharp enough for all
your skating needs...
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Oh...!
91
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:17,195
And then some!
92
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Yeah, I mean,
my face is not a cutting board,
93
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,365
but that is so cool!
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00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:21,967
Ol' Gertie never passed the salad test.
95
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,769
Well, we've never
given her the salad test.
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00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,637
Also, the salad test isn't a real thing.
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00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,572
- What do you call that?
- Yeah, it's right there.
98
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:30,575
Uh, this is magic,
but it's still pretty expensive.
99
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Tell you what.
Cynthia, Wayne, Keeran, Jen, DJ...
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Brother?
101
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- Hey-ya!
- Bring it in.
102
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,385
How about I let you
test drive this modern marvel
103
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,463
for 24 hours?
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You and your customers will find
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that the Lazer Blade speaks for itself.
106
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Works for me if it works for DJ.
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Come on, please, please, please!
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We can test drive it...
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Alright!
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00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,232
Anybody got
some Thousand Island dressing
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00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,267
for this?
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Do I?
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I can't believe he had
Thousand Island dressing.
114
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Well, the Lazer Blade isn't
the only new toy in town.
115
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I just set up a bidet in the bathroom.
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Like the French hat?
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That's a baguette.
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A bidet is a hose that cleans your butt.
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I have one at home.
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I figured I would share with
you the gift of hygiene.
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Aww!
122
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Well, this feels as good a time as any
to remind you that
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our bathroom is for employees only.
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Technically,
but we can't stop people from using it
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if they ask.
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00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:23,729
Yes, we can.
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00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,631
But DJ always says equal
access to the bathroom
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is the bedrock of democracy.
129
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,368
Well, I'm tired of customers
Jackson Pollock-ing
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all over our toilet.
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From now on, we enforce the rule...
employees only!
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What if a customer's desperate?
133
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,575
Well, then we make an exception,
of course.
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00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,845
Can we all just agree
to use our discretion?
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00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:40,946
How?
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00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,647
We make snap decisions
based on physical appearance
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00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,816
and overall vibe to
determine whether or not
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00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:45,084
people can use our bathroom.
139
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That sounds like... discrimination.
140
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,253
No, no, no, she said "discretion."
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Ohhh...
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No, I'm out.
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00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,060
I'll do it.
144
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,195
Hmm!
145
00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:58,930
Knew I could count on you.
146
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:02,701
- Hey.
- Hey-hey-hey!
147
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,870
- Whoa, is that the Lazer Blade?
- Yeah.
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00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:07,873
I saw a segment about it
on Susan Weber's Tech Talk.
149
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:08,940
Is it legit?
150
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,808
Ah, well, apparently,
it's faster, easier,
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00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,944
and it'll cut your blade
sharper than a katana.
152
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,246
But between you and me,
I don't buy the hype.
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Let's give 'er a whirl.
154
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,783
Okay...
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Uh, standard...
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hockey...
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start.
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Easy to use.
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00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,490
- Cool.
- Yeah, yeah...
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Very cool.
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00:05:29,020 --> 00:05:31,295
- Ooh!
- Lasers. A bit showy.
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I like it!
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00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,437
- That was fast!
- Yeah.
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And they're warmed up and...
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...deodorized, too?
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Deodorized?
I didn't know it could do that!
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That must be a software
update or something.
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Can I get a whiff?
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00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,181
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:54,252
Ahh, springtime breeze in a rural area.
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That's what that is.
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This thing is gonna destroy me.
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00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:05,163
Hey, who installed the colonic
irrigation system in the loo?
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00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,998
I did. Feel free to use it.
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00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,334
Mi bidet es su bidet.
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00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,302
- Eh, hard passé.
- It's a game-changer, bro.
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00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,805
I have no proclivity for
posterior extravagances.
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00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,942
Hmm, the bidet actually
harkens back to simpler times.
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00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:20,478
Stop pressuring me to
spray water up my anus!
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How do you do?
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00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:25,917
Your loss.
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Okay, don't touch anything, okay?
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Okay.
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00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:30,055
Uh, sorry to bother you.
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00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,957
Uh, is there a bathroom I could use?
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00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,959
Yeah, of course, it's, uh...
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out of order.
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00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:38,964
Okay, girls. We'll try next-door.
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Sorry, man.
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00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,172
Another grinding wheel bites the dust?
191
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:51,776
Yep, another sacred ritual
that's soon to disappear.
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00:06:52,942 --> 00:06:54,012
What does that mean?
193
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,515
Oh, we're just testing
out a new laser-powered
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auto-sharpening machine.
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00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,785
Yo, you better watch your back!
Remember my buddy Jeffrey?
196
00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:01,887
The cruise ship bartender?
197
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,788
Yeah, he was making 200 grand a year
198
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,223
until the future came for him.
199
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,492
200 grand... to bartend?
On a cruise ship?
200
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:08,636
You're missing the point, Deej.
201
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,061
This guy's life was sweet as Grenadine
202
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,330
until he got replaced by one
of those robot bartenders.
203
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:15,167
Went from trusted drink-mixer
and confidante to obsolete.
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00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,969
- Whoa. How'd he take it?
- No idea. He disappeared.
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00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,104
At sea?!
206
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,172
Cruise line said that
he got off the ship
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00:07:20,201 --> 00:07:22,341
with some woman in Cozumel,
but I know that robot
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00:07:22,419 --> 00:07:24,010
had something to do with it...
'cause he was gay.
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00:07:24,059 --> 00:07:25,478
- The robot?
- No, Jeffrey.
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00:07:25,541 --> 00:07:27,747
What I'm trying to say is,
for the sake of your entire team,
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00:07:27,811 --> 00:07:30,015
I'd be wary of technology
that replaces human labour.
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00:07:30,111 --> 00:07:32,817
That's totally different.
We're just testing out the Lazer Blade.
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00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,486
No one's getting replaced.
214
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:35,654
- You sure about that?
- Yeah.
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00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,155
Community is a huge part of our appeal.
216
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,591
Believe me, Josh,
no robot's gonna get in the way of that.
217
00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:41,126
Gay or straight.
218
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:42,294
Uh...
219
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:48,566
Ah, I see you are trying
out our interim addition.
220
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,568
Um, can I assist you
with the controls at all?
221
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,771
Oh, I think I can handle it.
I've got a Keurig at home, so...
222
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,274
Well, it's a little more complicated
223
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:57,476
than a coffee machine, so...
224
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:58,876
Sorry, what's up?
225
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,745
Oh, nothing, I was just saying that...
226
00:08:01,085 --> 00:08:02,547
All done?
227
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:07,051
Oh. Well, let me know if I
can do anything else for you.
228
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,988
Anything!
Questions, concerns, general musings?
229
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,656
Actually, I could use a hand.
230
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:13,124
Absolutely! How can I help?
231
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:16,027
Can you get a pic of me and the machine?
232
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,038
Yeah...
233
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:18,262
Yeah, okay.
234
00:08:21,414 --> 00:08:22,067
Perfect.
235
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,702
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
236
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,405
Can you get a picture of me?
237
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:28,873
Yes.
238
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,577
You want me to use... my phone?
239
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,079
Yes, please.
240
00:08:38,176 --> 00:08:40,886
Huh, that's great!
241
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:41,930
Alright, Cynth...
242
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,688
Lesson learned. You were right.
243
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,390
Never underestimate the budget boss.
244
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,624
Oh, what are we talking about?
245
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,426
The Lazer Blade. Way too expensive.
246
00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:51,062
Highway robbery, in fact.
Yeah, we should send it back.
247
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,531
- Shall I call Fab or do you...?
- This is awkward,
248
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,367
because I love it now!
249
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,168
- What?
- Yes!
250
00:08:57,304 --> 00:09:01,306
It is creating a real buzz,
while also creating less buzz
251
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:02,574
because it's so quiet.
252
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,375
I thought we all agreed
that Gertie's noises
253
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:05,443
were part of her charm.
254
00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:06,511
Like Fran Drescher.
255
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:09,381
Oh, no, sharpening sales are already up.
256
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:12,484
Between that, the fact that
we're gonna be able to operate
257
00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:14,185
this store with fewer staff,
258
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:17,789
and the money that we are
gonna save on granite wheels,
259
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:22,127
I predict a 15% increase in
our gross profit margins!
260
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,295
Well, I mean,
it's so easy to get caught up
261
00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:25,697
in arbitrary things
like numbers and data.
262
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:26,998
What about feeling, you know?
263
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,399
I mean, what next, self-checkout?
264
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:29,800
Oh, that's not a bad idea.
265
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,603
Fab was right, DJ.
266
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,505
The past is dead.
267
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:36,441
Which is why I've already listed
the old machine on Craigslist.
268
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,843
What? No, no, no, no, no!
We gotta keep Gertie!
269
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,211
She's dead weight.
270
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,345
Shh!
271
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,148
She's right there!
272
00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:45,583
There he is.
273
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:46,817
Hey, Keeran.
274
00:09:46,853 --> 00:09:48,285
Oh, Emma, Oliver!
275
00:09:48,322 --> 00:09:49,820
I didn't know you two were dating.
276
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,155
We just started.
277
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,958
- Think we can use the bathroom?
- Oh, uh, the both of you?
278
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,127
Hey, hey, be cool, man.
279
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:00,832
Uh, sorry.
280
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,300
Employees only.
281
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,635
Ugh.
282
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,036
Thanks.
283
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,738
But what were you two gonna
do in that bathroom, anyway?
284
00:10:06,746 --> 00:10:08,773
Like, specifically?
285
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,908
Perhaps you wanna vent about your kids?
286
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,910
Your spouse? Your boss?
287
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,580
My boss's idealism is
misguided and off-putting.
288
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,749
Thanks, Wayne.
289
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,117
Ma'am, how about you?
290
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,819
- How can I...
- No. No thank you.
291
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,721
I'm just saying,
Gertie and I got what you need.
292
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,725
I'll scream.
293
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:31,396
Hm...
294
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,597
Oh, Goddamn it.
295
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,749
No, I can't do it.
296
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,883
Even the foreword is transfixing.
297
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,310
Oh!
298
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,849
♪ Oh, what a feeling ♪
299
00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,819
♪ What a rush ♪
300
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,254
Please, sir. Kindly allow me.
301
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,256
Here you are.
302
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:35,193
I don't mind at all, no.
That's my personal number, okay?
303
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,196
So you can reach me 24/7,
any follow-up questions, okay?
304
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:39,998
Alright.
305
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,532
Take care, Kenneth!
306
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,600
Thank you!
307
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,602
Okay... Yes!
308
00:11:45,055 --> 00:11:46,937
Who's a little baby?
309
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:49,741
Who's a baby? You are! You are!
310
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,142
That's right.
311
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,945
And the wind-up, this way,
and the follow-through...
312
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:56,480
Wow! Doubles, anyone?
313
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,416
Yes!
314
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,686
Would you be a doll and tell me
where I can get a yoga mat?
315
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:04,555
Would you be a doll and tell me
where you got those glasses?
316
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:05,957
That tortoise shell
pattern is exquisite.
317
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:06,968
Oh!
318
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,759
You tried it, didn't you?
319
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,361
Uh, they're just right over there.
320
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,629
Ah.
321
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:13,765
- What?
- The bidet.
322
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,699
I see the pep in that step.
323
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:16,835
The strut in that butt.
324
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,136
The pizzazz in dat ass...
325
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,705
Alright! Guilty as charged.
326
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,306
I'm a changed man.
327
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,844
Colours are brighter, flavours tastier,
sounds more beautiful.
328
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,445
By the way, you smell resplendent.
329
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,589
Ooh, thank you.
330
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,048
What pressure did you set it to?
331
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:33,317
Oh, I started at 1,
then I cranked it to 3.
332
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,720
Oh, yeah! That's a smooth finish.
333
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,054
- Oh, yeah.
- The way it just...
334
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,290
- Mm-hm.
- Word to the wise.
335
00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:43,194
It's great in moderation,
but for the love of God,
336
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:48,621
respect its power and never,
ever dial above a 5.
337
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,468
Okay.
338
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,273
Really appreciate you doing this
for me, man.
339
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:58,075
Any time, DJ. You know you're my guy.
340
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:01,479
You have no idea how much
that means to me right now.
341
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,614
You ready?
342
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,616
Ready.
343
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:10,354
I'll never forget this.
344
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,822
Oh, wow!
345
00:13:11,858 --> 00:13:13,291
Three-time world champion
346
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:16,026
and two-time Olympic silver
medallist Elvis Stojko!
347
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,729
What brings you back so soon?
348
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:21,498
You know I never step on the
ice before coming here first.
349
00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:23,467
Not only do you always
ask about my wife,
350
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:24,869
a personal touch I value immensely...
351
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,104
Aw...
352
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,372
But you never forget
I like a 3/8ths hollow
353
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:31,843
on my right skate,
and a 7/16ths on my left.
354
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,244
No one delivers the care and expertise
355
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,912
you bring to the craft.
356
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,914
It's my pleasure, Elvis Stojko.
357
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,584
Why? Because I love what I do.
358
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:43,321
Because sharpening skates
is more than simply
359
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:46,257
passing a blade across a spinning stone
360
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,861
or through a series of high-tech,
super-cool lasers!
361
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,629
It's visceral.
362
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,063
It's soulful.
363
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:55,066
It's like making love.
364
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:58,870
And when it's done right,
the alchemy is undeniable.
365
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,874
When Elvis Stojko is leaning right
366
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,810
because he's injured his left foot,
367
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,880
I know intuitively to adjust the bevel,
368
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:10,948
giving him a personalized sharpening
369
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,150
that he'll feel not only on the ice,
370
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,552
but off the ice, too.
371
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:20,959
Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you,
can the Lazer Blade do that?
372
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,962
I... think it just did.
373
00:14:24,786 --> 00:14:27,165
This is flawless.
374
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:30,368
I don't even need to
skim this with my nail.
375
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,173
Well... hold on.
376
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,641
What about the personal touch?
377
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,776
You take care, Elvis Stojko.
378
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,311
And say hi to your wife,
379
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,880
Mexican figure skater, Gladys Orozco,
380
00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:46,050
who you married on June 20, 2010,
381
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:49,053
in Las Vegas, Nevada,
in front of 500 people.
382
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,221
500?
383
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,555
You said it was an intimate affair!
384
00:14:56,284 --> 00:14:58,663
Don't pay any attention to them,
Gertrude.
385
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:01,566
- They just don't know you like I do.
- Great news, DJ!
386
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,835
Somebody's already responded
to that Craigslist ad.
387
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,872
There it is, all 300 pounds of it.
388
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,107
Yeah, that'll do.
389
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,408
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
this all feels really fast.
390
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,745
I mean, we can't just give her away,
she's family!
391
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,614
Think of what we can do
with all the extra space.
392
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,951
I'm thinking a golf simulator
for trying out clubs.
393
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,986
That does sound pretty cool. No!
394
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:25,123
That machine is a dodo bird, DJ.
395
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,558
Yessiree,
this piece of shit ain't budgin'.
396
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,427
Easy!
And can you please stop kicking her?
397
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,229
I'll have to bring my truck to haul this
398
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:32,697
useless pile of turds away.
399
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,966
Useless? What are you gonna do with her?
400
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,401
Smash it to smithereens.
401
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,870
I run a rage room by the dump.
402
00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:41,705
A rage room?
403
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:43,174
Gertie, no...
404
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:44,909
Could I book my church group?
405
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,543
- Yeah!
- How does that work?
406
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,981
I love you.
407
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,965
Respect its power...
408
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:11,435
Never, ever go above a 5...
409
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,471
Pizzazz in dat ass...
410
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,207
One splash couldn't hurt.
411
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,409
Aah!
412
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:19,877
Oh, we got a golfer? Fantastic!
413
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,846
Yeah, I'll set you up!
Oh, yeah, three-wood.
414
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,448
My nickname in college.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding!
415
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,017
You're gonna need a driver, for sure.
416
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,218
Call that an Uber driver.
Top of the line.
417
00:16:27,235 --> 00:16:29,620
Putter? I don't even know 'er!
418
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:31,689
You're gonna need a shirt.
Kiddo's gonna need a golf shift.
419
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,091
This is a golf shift.
I'll give you this.
420
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,559
Yeah, that's a great idea!
421
00:16:34,583 --> 00:16:36,961
Salesman of the year!
Gives the shirt off his back!
422
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,096
Where'd you go, kiddo?
423
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,731
I'll leave it here in
the pile if you need it.
424
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,800
I told you... never go above a 5!
425
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,735
Whatever are you talking about?
426
00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,971
Come on, man. You've been to
the bathroom eight times today.
427
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,040
What, are you tracking my
defecation patterns now?
428
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,107
What is this?
429
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,376
- I'm just worried, friend.
- Colleague. Okay?
430
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:54,412
Stay out of my business
when I'm doin' my business.
431
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:55,513
You keep this up,
432
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:57,448
I'ma have to take apart the bidet, bro.
433
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,750
You touch that bidet
and I'll punch a hole
434
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,318
directly through your face!
You understand?
435
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:04,922
My God, it's worse than I thought.
436
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,424
Excuse me, would it be possible
to use the bathroom?
437
00:17:06,453 --> 00:17:09,326
- Sorry, out of order.
- Oh, shoot.
438
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,329
Oh, you're pregnant.
439
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,464
- How far along are you?
- Six months.
440
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,700
You could be due any minute!
This could get messy!
441
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,268
No, I have another three months.
442
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,403
Oh, you're right.
Baboons are six months.
443
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,139
I keep getting humans
and baboons confused.
444
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,339
What?
445
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,976
Actually, the bathrooms are fixed.
446
00:17:24,978 --> 00:17:26,276
Second door on your right.
447
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:27,478
Oh, thanks, babe.
448
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,780
I'm about to go pop out my own baboon,
449
00:17:28,865 --> 00:17:30,149
- if you know what I mean.
- Wait!
450
00:17:30,159 --> 00:17:32,651
No can do!
Spicy goin' in, spicy goin' out!
451
00:17:32,743 --> 00:17:35,820
- No...
- Hey, what's the Wi-Fi?
452
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:42,126
$10,000 is a lot of money.
453
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,694
- But I'm sold.
- Mm-hm!
454
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,030
Here's to a lifetime
of perfect sharpening.
455
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:52,570
Breaking news!
"Lazer Blade, a modern day death trap?"
456
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:56,240
Machine learning malfunction,
overzealous sharpening,
457
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,042
AI not good... What?!
458
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,945
This must be a misunderstanding.
459
00:18:01,014 --> 00:18:02,613
No, no, no!
460
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,715
This might be the last
interaction you and I have
461
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:08,218
before machines take over
trade-ins, too.
462
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,821
Ooh, I gotta sharpen these bad boys.
463
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:12,457
Searching... Searching...
464
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,326
Dull edge detected.
465
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,860
What the hell?
466
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,864
DJ, we just got a weird news
alert about the Lazer Blade.
467
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,398
I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding.
468
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,467
I'll call the head office
and get it replaced.
469
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,670
Augh!
470
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,038
Recalibrating.
471
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:28,472
Oh! Oww!
472
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:32,143
What the hell?!
It just attacked me! Aah!
473
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,545
Sweet Roko's Basilisk, it hurts so bad!
474
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,480
- Oh my Goodness!
- Argh!
475
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,549
You stupid, over-hyped appliance!
476
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,152
I have brought
great dishonour upon myself.
477
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,621
Prepare auto-destruct mode in 5, 4...
478
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:44,789
Auto-destruct?!
479
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,290
- Auto-destruct? What?
- 3, 2...
480
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,492
Sorry, that's out of warranty!
481
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,026
1...
482
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:51,795
What's this thing...? Augh!
483
00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:52,963
Every time!
484
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,332
Fire!
485
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:58,702
DJ, get the fire extinguisher!
486
00:18:58,838 --> 00:18:59,937
Where is it?!
487
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,473
Stop, drop, and roll!
Stop, drop, and roll!
488
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:03,774
Stop, drop, and roll!
489
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:15,019
Oh-oh-oh God, no-not bidet wa-water.
490
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:18,923
Oh, I think I broke your bidet.
491
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:22,326
Noooooo!
492
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:27,198
That was definitely
a level 10 reaction, alright.
493
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,066
Don't worry.
494
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:31,201
It's okay!
495
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:33,437
Let it go!
496
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,539
It had so much promise.
497
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,408
Well, you know
what they say about promise.
498
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,675
Uh, nope.
499
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,945
Brought my truck to
pick up that hunk of shit.
500
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:43,113
Hey, that hunk of shit has a name.
501
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,481
It's Gertie.
502
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,083
And she's no longer for sale, sir.
503
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:47,317
What?
504
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,052
You're welcome to that
hunk of shit, though.
505
00:19:49,086 --> 00:19:52,365
- Free of charge.
- Yeah... that'll do.
506
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,925
Great.
507
00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:56,627
I deserve this.
508
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,930
Finish what I couldn't...
what I could-could-couldn't...
509
00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:01,465
You coming?
510
00:20:01,467 --> 00:20:03,201
Uh, no. Go ahead.
511
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,702
I'm gonna hang back.
512
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,705
Got a few things to take care of.
513
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,474
It's about to get weird
in here, isn't it?
514
00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:10,505
Yes.
515
00:20:10,554 --> 00:20:11,709
I'll leave you to it.
516
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,677
- Oh, would you...?
- Ah-ah!
517
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,254
Good to have you back, old girl.
518
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,527
♪ Wait for me... ♪
519
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:34,298
♪ Whoa, my love ♪
520
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:40,571
♪ My darling ♪
521
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:46,210
♪ I've hungered,
hungered for your touch ♪
522
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:52,949
♪ A long, lonely time ♪
523
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:03,627
♪ I need your love ♪
524
00:21:05,631 --> 00:21:10,768
♪ I, I need your love ♪
525
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:17,241
♪ Godspeed your love...
526
00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:21,178
♪ ...to me ♪
527
00:21:36,147 --> 00:21:38,180
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.MY-SUBS.com
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