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The Barrandov Film Studio presents
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The Second Part of Jaroslav Hašek's
THE GOOD SOLDIER SCHWEIK
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BEG TO REPORT
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I AM
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HERE
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AGAIN!
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Hurry up, Schweik!
We're leaving presently!
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Film Adaptation
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Music
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Played by
Conducted by
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Set design
Designer
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Costume Designer
Make-up
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Sound Engineer
Editor
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Assistant Director, Assistant Camera
Script, Assistant Architect
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Assistant Editor
Deputy-Chief of Production
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Production Chief
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Featuring
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Camera
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Directed by
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Produced by
the Barrandov Film Studio
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We've lost a suitcase!
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And you say it just like that,
you nincompoop?
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00:02:55,712 --> 00:02:59,045
Beg to report, Sir, it was stolen!
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00:02:59,129 --> 00:03:02,337
There've always been and will be
thieves galore at railway stations.
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00:03:02,420 --> 00:03:04,004
Take the Northwestern
railway station, for instance.
28
00:03:04,087 --> 00:03:08,420
One lady had a pram stolen with
a teeny little girl right inside it.
29
00:03:08,504 --> 00:03:10,004
Shut up!
30
00:03:10,087 --> 00:03:13,712
I never know if you just play stupid
or whether you were born so.
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00:03:13,795 --> 00:03:17,295
It would take another man
a thousand years to perform
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00:03:17,379 --> 00:03:20,629
as many tomfooleries
as you've managed in my service.
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00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:22,254
Haven't you noticed this as well?
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00:03:22,337 --> 00:03:25,129
Beg to report, I indeed have.
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00:03:25,212 --> 00:03:29,004
I'm a keen observer, Sir.
36
00:03:29,087 --> 00:03:32,754
But usually when it's too late
and there's a bad moon on the rise.
37
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:37,087
I'm just as unlucky as a certain
Nechleba from Nekázanka.
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00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:39,754
He'd frequent
the "Dog's Kennel" pub...
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00:03:39,837 --> 00:03:42,712
Gimme a break
with your reminiscences.
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00:03:42,795 --> 00:03:46,087
-What was in that suitcase?
-Nothing much, Sir.
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00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:48,962
The hall mirror and coat-hanger,
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00:03:49,045 --> 00:03:51,962
which belonged
to the landlord anyway.
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00:03:52,045 --> 00:03:54,587
As soon as we conquer some town,
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00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:57,504
we'll get hold
of another coat-hanger.
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00:03:57,587 --> 00:04:02,295
Shut up! As soon as we get to
Budèjovice, we'll get this settled.
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00:04:02,379 --> 00:04:05,504
You know, Schweik, that I'm going
to have you arrested?
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00:04:05,587 --> 00:04:10,045
Beg to report, that I do not,
you forgot to mention it before.
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00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:15,462
With your permission, Sir,
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00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:18,754
aren't you a certain Mr Purkrábek,
an agent of the Slavia Bank?
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00:04:18,837 --> 00:04:22,837
Beg to report, Lieutenant,
I've read in the paper
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00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:29,129
that every decent human being should
have 60 to 70000 hair on his head.
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00:04:29,212 --> 00:04:34,087
That black hair tends to be thinner,
as can be seen from many cases.
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00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:38,462
And a medic told me once
at the Špirka Café that hair loss
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00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:42,754
is due to emotional turbulence
during the postpartum period.
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-Du Schweinkerl! Du verfluchter...
-I meant no offence to you, Sir.
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00:04:49,254 --> 00:04:52,504
When you don't know how to behave
on a train, you should stay...
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00:04:54,837 --> 00:05:00,670
-Lieutenant! Where did you graduate from the Cadet School?
-In Prague.
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00:05:00,754 --> 00:05:04,587
And you don't know that an officer
is responsible for his subordinate?
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00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:06,295
That's a nice thing, indeed!
60
00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:10,670
Second: you speak to your batman
as if he were a friend of yours!
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00:05:10,754 --> 00:05:14,254
And you permit him to speak
without being asked to!
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00:05:14,337 --> 00:05:18,962
And third: you also permit him
to offend your superiors!
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00:05:19,045 --> 00:05:24,170
That's the nicest of it all! You'll
soon feel the consequences of this!
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00:05:24,254 --> 00:05:25,670
-What's your name?
-Lukáš, Sir.
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00:05:25,754 --> 00:05:27,754
-Where are you stationed?
-I was...
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00:05:27,837 --> 00:05:32,045
I'm not asking where you've been!
I want to know where you are now!
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00:05:32,129 --> 00:05:35,212
I've just been posted
from Prague to Budèjovice!
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00:05:35,295 --> 00:05:39,295
So, you've been posted!
Good on you!
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00:05:39,379 --> 00:05:44,962
It won't do you any harm
to inspect some battlefield soon!
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00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:49,295
-That's been decided some time ago.
-Hmm.
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00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:57,254
Schweik, the moment
has finally come for you
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00:05:57,337 --> 00:06:01,170
to get your face slapped in a way
the world has never seen!
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00:06:01,254 --> 00:06:03,629
Why did you attack
that bald-headed gentleman?
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00:06:03,712 --> 00:06:06,504
Do you know he's
Major-General von Schwarzburg?
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00:06:06,587 --> 00:06:09,504
That I didn't know, but he's
the spitting image of Mr Purkrábek!
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00:06:09,587 --> 00:06:13,087
Shut your trap! Your stupidity's
landed me in trouble many times!
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00:06:13,170 --> 00:06:16,545
-But, Lieutenant...
-And don't follow me around all the time!
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00:06:25,837 --> 00:06:28,504
-With your permission, Sir...
-Yes, yes.
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00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,920
-Could I ask you something?
-Ask away.
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00:06:39,212 --> 00:06:41,920
I used to know a fellow
called Hofman,
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00:06:42,004 --> 00:06:47,670
He always insisted emergency signals
are ineffective and never work.
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00:06:47,754 --> 00:06:52,087
So,
I'd like to know if that's true...
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00:06:52,170 --> 00:06:57,337
That fellow was lying, of course
they work. Look, if you pull this...
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00:06:57,420 --> 00:06:59,670
-Downwards, you mean?
-Of course downwards, not upwards.
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00:06:59,754 --> 00:07:01,004
...the train will stop.
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00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:05,254
The brakes are connected through
all the cars with the engine.
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00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:08,920
The emergency brakes must work,
see?
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00:07:21,962 --> 00:07:23,629
It was here, engine-driver!
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00:07:23,712 --> 00:07:25,879
The soldier pulled
the emergency cord!
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00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:28,420
Shouldn't we move on, chaps?
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00:07:28,504 --> 00:07:31,420
It's not good for a train
to be late.
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00:07:31,504 --> 00:07:33,462
If it was in peacetimes,
it wouldn't matter,
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but now there's a war on,
and everybody should know
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00:07:36,587 --> 00:07:38,462
the train might be carrying
military personnel.
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00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:43,629
Generals,
lieutenants, batmen...
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00:07:43,712 --> 00:07:45,754
Such delays are awkward things.
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00:07:45,837 --> 00:07:48,295
At Waterloo, Napoleon was only
five minutes late
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00:07:48,379 --> 00:07:51,170
and went down in flames with all his glory!
-Schweik!
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Beg to report, they're blaming me
for stopping the train!
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00:07:55,462 --> 00:07:57,129
Get in, will you! Immediately!
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00:07:57,212 --> 00:08:02,754
Get in, get in!
We're going! I'll show you!
102
00:08:05,129 --> 00:08:08,254
I'd have never believed a train
could stop just like this...
103
00:08:08,337 --> 00:08:10,545
This'll cost you twenty crowns...
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00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:13,212
I didn't do it, look at me,
you can see I'm no urchin, am I?
105
00:08:13,295 --> 00:08:14,254
I'm not going to argue with you!
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00:08:14,337 --> 00:08:16,504
The stationmaster at Tábor will
explain it to you properly!
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00:08:16,587 --> 00:08:20,712
As you please. I always enjoy
talking to educated folks.
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00:08:22,545 --> 00:08:26,795
Folks, I'm innocent!
Upon my soul!
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00:08:26,879 --> 00:08:29,379
Pardon me, what's happening?
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00:08:29,462 --> 00:08:32,587
They're just bothering
a poor little soldier here!
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00:08:32,795 --> 00:08:36,629
Folks, help me explain to this gent
here that I'm innocent!
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00:08:36,712 --> 00:08:38,795
You're keeping us from work!
Either you pay 20 crowns, or...
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00:08:38,879 --> 00:08:41,670
A man going to war
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00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:45,754
to offer his life for the Emperor
doesn't take money...
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00:08:45,837 --> 00:08:49,170
Listen, stationmaster,
it's nothing to fuss over.
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00:08:49,254 --> 00:08:53,045
Give me a receipt and I'll pay
the fine for the soldier.
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00:08:53,129 --> 00:08:56,712
-What a decent gent.
-You can see he's a good-hearted soul.
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00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:07,712
Waiter, the bill!
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00:09:07,795 --> 00:09:10,545
I've had two beers, and this
soldier two sausages, a goulash,
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00:09:10,629 --> 00:09:14,879
four rolls and five beers!
Keep the change.
121
00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:22,879
The fact you've lost your Lieutenant
with the papers needn't worry you!
122
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:26,545
Here's a fiver for your ticket.
Don't be silly, take it!
123
00:09:26,629 --> 00:09:30,379
Everybody seems to be off
to Russia!
124
00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:33,962
You need to be smart and not
stay on the front for too long.
125
00:09:34,045 --> 00:09:36,045
We're Czechs after all, aren't we?
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00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:39,795
As soon as you're in Russia,
as a P.O.W.,
127
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:43,879
give my greetings to innkeeper
Zeman, in Zdolbunov.
128
00:09:43,962 --> 00:09:47,462
All you need to tell him is:
Greetings from Tábor, he'll know.
129
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,004
And drink, man, drink!
130
00:09:54,879 --> 00:10:02,087
The express for Veseli, Horni
Dvořištè, Vienna, ready to leave!
131
00:10:25,879 --> 00:10:27,962
Magyarúl?
132
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:31,504
I'm a Czech, my lad!
133
00:10:32,462 --> 00:10:36,545
-Would you like a drop?
-Nem tudom, barátom.
134
00:10:36,629 --> 00:10:39,212
No matter, just have a drink!
135
00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:42,670
Drink it up, man, drink it up!
136
00:10:50,254 --> 00:10:54,337
-Köszönöm szivesen.
-Don't mind it, man!
137
00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:58,587
Waiter, bring us some more,
will you?
138
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:09,504
Train for Sobèslav, Mezimosti,
and České Budèjovice, all aboard!
139
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:18,462
-Front, nix?
-No way, my lad! Nothing for me.
140
00:11:22,129 --> 00:11:25,754
Moskali, pif, paf, puf!
141
00:11:26,545 --> 00:11:29,545
You... Du...
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00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:32,379
Angriff?
143
00:11:33,379 --> 00:11:35,504
Vorwärts?
144
00:11:35,629 --> 00:11:38,212
Ah, Rückzug...
145
00:11:38,587 --> 00:11:40,379
Laufschritt...
146
00:11:40,462 --> 00:11:44,212
Waiter! Another round!
147
00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:50,462
Ihre Dokumente! Militärpolizei!
148
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:57,087
Három gyermek... Három!
149
00:11:57,170 --> 00:12:02,629
I understand. You've got three kids?
150
00:12:03,545 --> 00:12:09,754
-Elhén, Elhén!
-Go on, drink up, My Hungarian friend!
151
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:13,754
-You wouldn't treat us like this, would you?
-Ihre Dokumente!
152
00:12:13,837 --> 00:12:19,795
So, also...
Your documents, schnell!
153
00:12:20,170 --> 00:12:22,504
I don't have any, miláčku/darling!
154
00:12:22,587 --> 00:12:25,795
Was ist das, "miláčku"?
155
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:30,962
Miláčku,
das ist wie Herr Feldwebel!
156
00:12:31,045 --> 00:12:33,879
What are you saying, darling?
157
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:37,254
You're all alone?
158
00:12:37,670 --> 00:12:43,254
Of course I'll be with you
in a jiffy, I'm on my way. Bye bye!
159
00:12:52,295 --> 00:12:56,879
-Herein.
-...and all this on Christmas Eve.
160
00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,754
Beg to report, Lieutenant,
161
00:12:59,837 --> 00:13:03,004
this man has been found
at the station with no papers!
162
00:13:03,087 --> 00:13:07,420
It must be at this very moment!
Come here!
163
00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:09,754
What were you doing
at the station?
164
00:13:09,837 --> 00:13:13,212
Beg to report, I was waiting for
a train to České Budèjovice,
165
00:13:13,295 --> 00:13:18,587
to join up with the 91st Battalion,
where I'm for It. Lukáš,
166
00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:23,545
whom I had to leave as I was
brought here to be fined,
167
00:13:23,629 --> 00:13:26,754
under the suspicion
of having stopped the express
168
00:13:26,837 --> 00:13:29,837
by means of the emergency cord!
169
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,754
I don't understand any of this!
170
00:13:31,837 --> 00:13:36,337
Give it to me straight,
no more gibberish!
171
00:13:36,420 --> 00:13:41,962
Sir, ever since we got onto
the express, we've had bad luck.
172
00:13:42,045 --> 00:13:44,045
You mean with the emergency cord?
173
00:13:44,129 --> 00:13:46,170
No,
at the start we lost a suitcase.
174
00:13:46,254 --> 00:13:53,295
-And then a major-general, quite bald-headed...
-Come to the point!
175
00:13:53,379 --> 00:13:56,212
Before the whole matter was settled,
the train left and I was left behind
176
00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:59,129
like an orphan,
without any sort of documents.
177
00:13:59,212 --> 00:14:01,795
Why didn't you follow
with the next train?
178
00:14:01,879 --> 00:14:05,629
Beg to report, while I was waiting
for this next train,
179
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:10,629
the misfortune befell me
of drinking one beer after another.
180
00:14:10,712 --> 00:14:16,254
Do you know what it means,
to call somebody a degenerate?
181
00:14:16,337 --> 00:14:19,795
Beg to report, Sir, in our street
there once lived a degenerate,
182
00:14:19,879 --> 00:14:23,629
his father was a Polish nobleman
and his mother a midwife.
183
00:14:23,712 --> 00:14:26,712
He cleaned the street and wanted
to be called "Your Excellency"!
184
00:14:26,795 --> 00:14:29,004
I've had enough of you!
185
00:14:29,087 --> 00:14:32,337
You're now going to the counter
to buy a ticket for Budèjovice
186
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:34,504
and will leave immediately,
understood?
187
00:14:34,587 --> 00:14:39,629
Beg to report, Sir, I've understood,
but I've got no money at all!
188
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,670
I spent all I had on beer.
189
00:14:42,754 --> 00:14:45,295
In that case, you rogue,
you'll have to walk.
190
00:14:45,379 --> 00:14:47,295
As far as I'm concerned,
191
00:14:47,379 --> 00:14:50,795
they can put you in gaol
at your regiment, for being late!
192
00:14:50,879 --> 00:14:55,170
Take this man out of here and show
him the way to Budèjovice!
193
00:15:41,170 --> 00:15:44,004
Caught you by surprise, didn't I?
194
00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:46,920
You're no gendarmes, but policemen!
195
00:15:47,004 --> 00:15:52,337
Instead of raising watchfulness
by 1000%, you're becoming beastly!
196
00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:55,712
Don't sneeze
when you're reporting to me!
197
00:15:55,795 --> 00:15:58,545
All you ever do
is lie about at home,
198
00:15:58,629 --> 00:16:01,712
thinking this damned war can go to hell!
-Sir...
199
00:16:05,087 --> 00:16:08,837
Wait a minute, you! Come here!
200
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,254
That's our charwoman, Sir.
201
00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:12,962
Tell me where they had
that pig slaughtered!
202
00:16:13,045 --> 00:16:16,004
At the mill, Sir! The pig was
over 180 kg net weight!
203
00:16:16,087 --> 00:16:20,379
-If you wouldn't take offence, Sir, I would...
-Take it away!
204
00:16:20,462 --> 00:16:22,587
-We also have nice pickled meat.
-Shut up, man!
205
00:16:22,670 --> 00:16:25,545
-The weight of a dead pig, that you know...
-Captain, Sir...
206
00:16:25,629 --> 00:16:28,629
That the woods teem with deserters,
that doesn't concern you at all!
207
00:16:28,712 --> 00:16:32,004
Every day, I send you circulars,
instructions, questionnaires,
208
00:16:32,087 --> 00:16:33,504
secret dispatches...! Don't I?
And where are they?
209
00:16:33,587 --> 00:16:36,295
Got them all, Captain, everything!
210
00:16:36,379 --> 00:16:40,295
Everything in perfect order,
Captain.
211
00:16:45,670 --> 00:16:48,879
Captain, I've locked all the papers
up in the wardrobe.
212
00:16:48,962 --> 00:16:53,795
Where are those keys again...
Here they are...
213
00:17:08,629 --> 00:17:12,587
That's a nice thing! You haven't
removed the seals at all, have you?
214
00:17:12,670 --> 00:17:14,545
An official seal, Captain...
215
00:17:14,629 --> 00:17:17,129
So you're not interested in what's
going on at the battlefield?
216
00:17:17,212 --> 00:17:19,379
Our victorious armies
march forward!
217
00:17:19,462 --> 00:17:23,337
Yeah, um, of course...
-Yes, Sir.
218
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:26,629
But the transfer of our armies
in East Galicia has caused
219
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:30,295
parts of the Russian armies
to cross the Carpathians...
220
00:17:30,379 --> 00:17:33,629
The Russians are sending spies
across the front, over to our side.
221
00:17:33,712 --> 00:17:37,545
There's many a special trained
Czech among those spies.
222
00:17:37,629 --> 00:17:41,587
These are the most dangerous ones,
as they speak Czech very well.
223
00:17:41,670 --> 00:17:44,587
Therefore everybody who's
in the least suspicious
224
00:17:44,670 --> 00:17:47,129
must be apprehended
and questioned thoroughly.
225
00:17:47,212 --> 00:17:49,962
You must also send
a report every week
226
00:17:50,045 --> 00:17:51,795
regarding the mood
of the local inhabitants.
227
00:17:51,879 --> 00:17:55,045
The local people are
much too dumb to be spies.
228
00:17:55,129 --> 00:17:59,420
In a time of war, we must be
especially observant and careful!
229
00:17:59,504 --> 00:18:02,879
You have to find a way
to get the people's confidence!
230
00:18:02,962 --> 00:18:05,879
Besides, you'll have some money
granted to you,
231
00:18:05,962 --> 00:18:09,337
to pay out to a local informer
232
00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:12,920
who'll bring you all the news
in time, still warm!
233
00:18:15,545 --> 00:18:20,004
Good day, soldier!
Where are you going?
234
00:18:20,087 --> 00:18:24,045
To join my regiment at Budèjovice,
grandma, to go to the war!
235
00:18:24,129 --> 00:18:29,462
You're going the wrong way, my lad,
you'll never get there!
236
00:18:29,545 --> 00:18:32,920
This way you'll get to Klatovy...
237
00:18:33,004 --> 00:18:37,879
I can get to Budèjovice
from there too.
238
00:18:38,170 --> 00:18:43,212
Look, my lad, wait for me
behind that barn over there...
239
00:18:43,295 --> 00:18:47,087
I'll bring you some potato soup,
to warm you up!
240
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:49,837
Thanks, grandma, you're kind to me!
241
00:18:55,420 --> 00:19:00,379
Eat it up, my boy, eat it up,
it'll do you good!
242
00:19:00,462 --> 00:19:02,337
Thanks, grandma.
243
00:19:02,420 --> 00:19:05,420
Don't show yourself much
in our village.
244
00:19:05,504 --> 00:19:07,254
And try to avoid Ražice, too.
245
00:19:07,337 --> 00:19:11,545
The gendarmes are as hard as nails,
always on the lookout for deserters!
246
00:19:11,629 --> 00:19:14,462
Cross the meadows
to get directly to Heřman,
247
00:19:14,545 --> 00:19:19,587
there's a very kind-hearted chief
of police, he lets everybody pass.
248
00:19:19,670 --> 00:19:23,504
-Do you have any papers?
-I don't, grandma!
249
00:19:23,587 --> 00:19:27,837
Than avoid Heřman too, and cross
the wood to get to Protivin.
250
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,795
Where in the lower street
you'll find an old Melichárek,
251
00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:34,212
he's my brother,
give him my very best.
252
00:19:34,295 --> 00:19:38,962
And he'll show you the way
to Budèjovice!
253
00:19:40,129 --> 00:19:44,170
Thanks, grandma, now I have to go!
254
00:19:44,254 --> 00:19:47,295
God be with you, my boy.
255
00:19:47,379 --> 00:19:50,670
I've got two grandsons in the war!
256
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:56,504
And buy something to warm you up,
it's a long way yet to Protivin!
257
00:19:56,587 --> 00:20:00,004
-Goodbye, then...
-Goodbye, soldier.
258
00:20:39,962 --> 00:20:42,129
-Get on with you, Rampa!
-Please...
259
00:20:42,670 --> 00:20:45,420
Open the envelopes, sofort!
260
00:20:45,504 --> 00:20:48,545
And you too,
can't you stop sneezing?
261
00:20:48,629 --> 00:20:51,170
I can't help it, I'm coming down
with something.
262
00:20:51,254 --> 00:20:53,004
-I'll have to lie down.
-Of course!
263
00:20:53,087 --> 00:20:55,337
The place's full of spies
and you're gonna be ill!
264
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:59,254
That'd suit you...
There'll be arrests!
265
00:21:01,212 --> 00:21:03,962
Listen...
266
00:21:05,670 --> 00:21:09,795
-Have you ever seen a spy?
-Who, me? No... have you?
267
00:21:09,879 --> 00:21:13,004
Well, I haven't seen one,
but I would surely know him!
268
00:21:13,087 --> 00:21:17,879
It's easy to say, "Get the favour
of the local people," but how?
269
00:21:18,004 --> 00:21:22,837
-I'd know how...
-You would? Out with it.
270
00:21:24,087 --> 00:21:26,212
I'm afraid...
271
00:21:26,295 --> 00:21:29,754
-You'll say I'm talking out of my arse again...
-Go on, say it!
272
00:21:29,837 --> 00:21:33,754
Well... but I'd rather not,
maybe it's just a silly idea.
273
00:21:33,837 --> 00:21:35,879
You don't know a thing anyway
and are just trying to pull my leg!
274
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:38,754
-If you insist, I'll tell you then.
-I don't want to hear anything!
275
00:21:38,837 --> 00:21:43,379
If Rampa over there was
worth a penny, and if he wanted to,
276
00:21:43,462 --> 00:21:47,337
he could learn
a few songs on his bugle,
277
00:21:47,420 --> 00:21:51,712
and get to be a member
of the local band.
278
00:21:52,129 --> 00:21:53,754
That's an idea...
279
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:55,670
Rampa!
280
00:21:55,754 --> 00:21:59,545
-Leave everything and go practice!
-But yesterday you told me to quit!
281
00:21:59,629 --> 00:22:00,629
What was yesterday
needn't be today.
282
00:22:00,712 --> 00:22:06,629
An order is an order, do you hear?
Take your bugle and go practice!
283
00:22:16,754 --> 00:22:19,837
What about getting a paid informer?
284
00:22:19,962 --> 00:22:23,712
I think right, I think left,
and I can't make it out...
285
00:22:32,545 --> 00:22:35,170
Johnny, come at the right moment,
once in your life!
286
00:22:35,254 --> 00:22:38,004
Come in, come in. I'm telling you.
287
00:22:38,087 --> 00:22:40,337
Rampa, you're disturbing me during
an official act!
288
00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:41,962
But you just told me...
289
00:22:42,045 --> 00:22:46,004
Go practice in the gaol for now,
it's empty anyway.
290
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,420
Do you see that picture over there?
291
00:22:52,545 --> 00:22:56,962
Do you know who it is?
That's the Emperor.
292
00:22:57,337 --> 00:22:59,462
Do you understand?
293
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:04,004
All right, here's 20 halers.
294
00:23:04,087 --> 00:23:07,254
And if you hear
that the Emperor's a beast
295
00:23:07,337 --> 00:23:09,504
or that we won't win the war,
296
00:23:09,587 --> 00:23:13,170
you'll come here and tell me
who said it, understood?
297
00:23:13,254 --> 00:23:16,837
Good. Now jump up!
298
00:23:24,004 --> 00:23:25,879
Good then.
299
00:23:28,462 --> 00:23:31,670
And we've got an informer!
300
00:23:31,754 --> 00:23:35,462
Now I'll make out the report.
301
00:23:37,629 --> 00:23:41,420
Where's the inkpot?
Donnerwetter, you've lost it again!
302
00:23:41,504 --> 00:23:46,004
-Here it is...
-About time. Let's write.
303
00:23:48,670 --> 00:23:51,629
Bribe...
304
00:23:53,795 --> 00:23:56,254
...to local...
305
00:23:58,670 --> 00:24:02,962
...informer.
306
00:24:06,212 --> 00:24:11,670
Let's say fifty crowns, shall we?
307
00:24:12,420 --> 00:24:16,629
Fifty crowns, then.
308
00:24:30,170 --> 00:24:32,462
Have you got a light, pal?
309
00:24:43,712 --> 00:24:46,087
You shouldn't walk about in this.
310
00:24:46,170 --> 00:24:47,879
There's many a policeman
around now.
311
00:24:47,962 --> 00:24:50,837
And you can't go
begging in it either.
312
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,670
Where are you headed?
313
00:24:52,754 --> 00:24:56,504
-To Budèjovice...
-For God's sake, man!
314
00:24:56,587 --> 00:24:58,837
There they'll get you within
within the hour.
315
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:04,170
Gotta wear civvies, dirty old ones,
and pretend to be a cripple...
316
00:25:04,254 --> 00:25:06,254
Don't worry, I'll sort you out.
317
00:25:06,337 --> 00:25:09,254
Come with me to the old shepherd
for the night,
318
00:25:09,337 --> 00:25:11,754
we'll get you some civvies.
319
00:25:11,837 --> 00:25:14,129
Come along, just come along.
320
00:25:17,254 --> 00:25:20,129
My grandpa also deserted...
321
00:25:20,254 --> 00:25:23,795
But that was during the war
with old Napoleon.
322
00:25:23,879 --> 00:25:25,379
Got him at Vodnany.
323
00:25:25,462 --> 00:25:29,629
Beat up his arse so fierce
he couldn't sit for weeks.
324
00:25:29,712 --> 00:25:32,629
And he could count himself lucky.
325
00:25:32,712 --> 00:25:36,004
The grandpa of Jaroš from Ražice
326
00:25:36,087 --> 00:25:40,212
was executed at Pisek!
327
00:25:41,795 --> 00:25:43,420
And when did you abscond?
328
00:25:43,504 --> 00:25:46,004
Right after the draft! As soon as
they took us to the barracks.
329
00:25:46,087 --> 00:25:47,920
Did you climb the fence?
330
00:25:48,004 --> 00:25:50,670
Of course, grandpa,
I had no other choice!
331
00:25:50,754 --> 00:25:54,754
And the guards... did they shoot?
332
00:25:54,837 --> 00:25:59,545
-Yes, grandpa.
-And where are you headed now?
333
00:25:59,629 --> 00:26:04,170
He's crazy,
he's off to Budèjovice!
334
00:26:04,254 --> 00:26:09,504
A young chap, got no sense,
cruising for his own destruction.
335
00:26:09,587 --> 00:26:13,254
Help yourself, boys,
you're welcome!
336
00:26:13,337 --> 00:26:15,670
If this war lasts much longer,
337
00:26:15,754 --> 00:26:18,379
people will have to eat
roots and grass again.
338
00:26:18,462 --> 00:26:21,004
They didn't appreciate
the good life!
339
00:26:21,087 --> 00:26:23,795
Even mutton wasn't good enough
for them,
340
00:26:23,879 --> 00:26:29,254
stuffing themselves with greasy
pork and poultry all the time...
341
00:26:32,754 --> 00:26:37,212
-Open up, grandpa!
-A policeman! You've gotta hide!
342
00:26:37,295 --> 00:26:39,962
Come on, quickly!
343
00:26:46,462 --> 00:26:50,754
-Good evening.
-Good evening, grandpa!
344
00:26:50,837 --> 00:26:55,004
Don't tell me you've lost your way,
my lad!
345
00:26:55,087 --> 00:26:58,337
Of course not,
we're looking for deserters.
346
00:26:58,420 --> 00:27:00,462
-Here, at a sheep barn?
-No, in the woods.
347
00:27:00,545 --> 00:27:03,587
All I want from you
is to warm up a little here.
348
00:27:03,670 --> 00:27:04,837
That's a different matter, then!
349
00:27:08,129 --> 00:27:15,379
The inhabitants of the village
of Putim are absolutely loyal
350
00:27:15,504 --> 00:27:18,920
and according to the instructions
and grades
351
00:27:19,004 --> 00:27:22,754
issued by the Emperor's
ministry of interior,
352
00:27:22,837 --> 00:27:26,129
the mood they
are in can be labelled A1.
353
00:27:28,045 --> 00:27:34,920
A paid informer
has been recruited...
354
00:27:35,129 --> 00:27:39,837
What's that damn
fellow's name anyway?
355
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:43,295
I don't know, everybody calls him
Johnny-Jump-Up.
356
00:27:43,379 --> 00:27:46,129
What? Johnny... Jump... Up?
357
00:27:46,212 --> 00:27:50,670
Excellent, write: John Jumper.
358
00:27:50,754 --> 00:27:54,462
Chief, you've got a head...
359
00:27:54,545 --> 00:27:57,337
That's why I'm chief at Putim,
right?
360
00:27:57,420 --> 00:28:00,754
You'll never be more
than a corporal,
361
00:28:00,837 --> 00:28:05,379
having a coconut for a head!
362
00:28:07,337 --> 00:28:09,004
Right.
363
00:28:09,087 --> 00:28:13,504
"The above-mentioned informer
is a hard-working, diligent citizen,
364
00:28:13,587 --> 00:28:17,420
loving His Majesty and the throne."
365
00:28:17,545 --> 00:28:23,295
God, that hag added so many
dill to the cucumber as if...
366
00:28:23,379 --> 00:28:24,754
Where are we?
367
00:28:24,879 --> 00:28:26,795
"loving His Majesty
and the throne."
368
00:28:26,879 --> 00:28:33,129
Yes, and his throne,
quite all right!
369
00:28:41,212 --> 00:28:46,129
Have a look outside,
some tramp is hanging about there!
370
00:29:01,670 --> 00:29:04,462
Come in, come in...
371
00:29:07,795 --> 00:29:13,920
-Wishing you all a good afternoon!
-You're welcome, soldier, sit down!
372
00:29:14,004 --> 00:29:17,629
You must be tired anyways.
Tell us, where are you going?
373
00:29:17,712 --> 00:29:20,462
To Budèjovice, to join my regiment.
374
00:29:20,545 --> 00:29:24,879
If that's the case,
you're going the wrong way!
375
00:29:25,295 --> 00:29:29,004
Look here, soldier.
376
00:29:30,504 --> 00:29:34,045
That's us, Putim.
377
00:29:34,170 --> 00:29:36,462
South from here, Protivin.
378
00:29:36,545 --> 00:29:39,837
And south from there,
Budèjovice.
379
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:44,212
So you can see you're not
going to, but from Budèjovice!
380
00:29:44,295 --> 00:29:46,170
And still I'm going to Budèjovice!
381
00:29:46,254 --> 00:29:52,920
-Well, and where did you start from, to get to Budèjovice?
-From Tábor.
382
00:29:53,004 --> 00:29:56,795
-And what were you doing in Tábor?
-Waiting for a train to Budèjovice!
383
00:29:56,879 --> 00:29:59,545
And why didn't you take the train
to Budèjovice?
384
00:29:59,629 --> 00:30:01,587
Because I didn't have any money
to buy a ticket with!
385
00:30:01,670 --> 00:30:05,337
And why didn't they give you
an army ticket for free?
386
00:30:05,420 --> 00:30:08,004
Because I didn't have any papers!
387
00:30:11,212 --> 00:30:14,545
There's many a Czech
among those spies
388
00:30:14,629 --> 00:30:17,129
and they've all been trained
in special staff-schools.
389
00:30:17,212 --> 00:30:19,879
And these are
the most dangerous ones,
390
00:30:19,962 --> 00:30:22,045
as they speak Czech very well.
391
00:30:25,420 --> 00:30:27,254
Corporal! Search him!
392
00:30:35,129 --> 00:30:37,962
I'll take my clothes off.
393
00:30:43,795 --> 00:30:45,795
Get off me!
394
00:30:46,129 --> 00:30:50,670
Why have you got nothing,
absolutely nothing on you?
395
00:30:50,754 --> 00:30:53,837
Because I don't need anything.
396
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,837
And what were you doing
at the station in Tábor?
397
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,587
I just talked to soldiers,
398
00:30:58,670 --> 00:31:01,129
asked them what regiment they
served in, where they were going.
399
00:31:01,212 --> 00:31:04,462
Just talked to soldiers, hm.
400
00:31:04,545 --> 00:31:07,962
You didn't by any chance ask them
how many men there're in a regiment?
401
00:31:08,045 --> 00:31:11,670
I've known that by heart for
a long time now!
402
00:31:11,754 --> 00:31:15,629
-Do you speak Russian?
-No.
403
00:31:16,462 --> 00:31:20,795
He doesn't. No matter,
we'll keep you here anyways.
404
00:31:20,879 --> 00:31:25,795
Why not. It's nice and warm here,
and the stove's in perfect order.
405
00:31:32,087 --> 00:31:34,045
Close the door!
406
00:31:34,670 --> 00:31:36,337
Come here!
407
00:31:36,629 --> 00:31:41,087
Did you hear that?
Doesn't speak Russian!
408
00:31:41,170 --> 00:31:44,670
But I plastered
him with questions, didn't I?
409
00:31:44,754 --> 00:31:48,504
He's sure to be a superior officer.
Of course!
410
00:31:48,587 --> 00:31:51,629
The Russians are not gonna send
a common private to spy for them!
411
00:31:51,712 --> 00:31:56,837
Chief, I was flabbergasted!
You're as clever as Sherlock Holmes!
412
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,462
Criminal investigation is based
on brains and gentleness.
413
00:32:01,545 --> 00:32:03,670
Go and get something to eat now!
414
00:32:03,754 --> 00:32:05,295
Send the charwoman to the pub
415
00:32:05,379 --> 00:32:08,712
and then tell her to make loads
of tea with rum! Get out!
416
00:32:08,795 --> 00:32:13,379
No, wait! Not a word to anybody!
417
00:32:13,462 --> 00:32:16,754
It's a military secret! Go on!
418
00:32:52,170 --> 00:32:54,087
Leave those classics alone
419
00:32:54,170 --> 00:32:57,004
and get on with learning
some folk songs!
420
00:33:04,087 --> 00:33:06,754
Here we are!
421
00:33:11,420 --> 00:33:21,045
Address: to the esteemed
Bez... Bezirks... what am I doing?
422
00:33:25,420 --> 00:33:33,879
The highly esteemed
Bezirksgendarmerie Kommando, Pisek.
423
00:33:44,295 --> 00:33:48,420
-Well, what do you say? It's good, isn't it?
-Quite good, yes!
424
00:34:08,962 --> 00:34:10,587
Just tell me, man,
425
00:34:10,670 --> 00:34:14,670
how you can play a hunter's song
when wearing a gendarme's uniform?
426
00:34:14,754 --> 00:34:18,795
Stop it right away,
before we get in trouble!
427
00:34:25,504 --> 00:34:28,712
Well, according to all the signs,
428
00:34:28,795 --> 00:34:31,129
the man must be
a clever Russian spy,
429
00:34:31,212 --> 00:34:36,629
who speaks the Czech language
fluently and attempted...
430
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:39,379
...and attempted...
431
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:41,837
What was it he attempted to do...
432
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,212
Corporal!
Come here!
433
00:34:44,295 --> 00:34:48,879
He attempted to...
434
00:34:49,129 --> 00:34:53,504
Why did you come in?
Oh, did he get his dinner?
435
00:34:53,587 --> 00:34:56,295
Pork, with sauerkraut and dumplings.
436
00:34:56,670 --> 00:34:58,379
And what's he doing now?
437
00:34:58,462 --> 00:35:01,962
He's drinking tea with rum
and looks quite satisfied.
438
00:35:02,045 --> 00:35:04,837
That's what I call cheek!
439
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,587
The fella must be fully aware
he's facing certain death.
440
00:35:08,670 --> 00:35:11,504
Must have nerves of steel.
441
00:35:11,837 --> 00:35:14,920
If we had people like that in...
Stop nodding your head!
442
00:35:15,004 --> 00:35:18,129
Go question him again!
If I don't do everything myself...
443
00:35:23,795 --> 00:35:27,504
-Did you like your dinner?
-Well, it was quite decent.
444
00:35:27,587 --> 00:35:29,754
Pity there wasn't more sauerkraut.
445
00:35:30,129 --> 00:35:32,504
The tea with rum was very good,
too.
446
00:35:32,587 --> 00:35:35,504
They drink a lot of tea in Russia.
447
00:35:35,587 --> 00:35:41,379
-Do they have rum, too?
-Well, rum's all over the world.
448
00:35:42,170 --> 00:35:45,170
And are there pretty gals
in Russia?
449
00:35:45,254 --> 00:35:50,337
Pretty gals are also all over
the world, chief!
450
00:35:52,504 --> 00:35:55,920
Oh, come on, tell us how you like it
here in Bohemia!
451
00:35:56,004 --> 00:35:59,212
I like Bohemia very much.
452
00:35:59,295 --> 00:36:03,295
I've met some very nice folks
on my journey.
453
00:36:03,379 --> 00:36:05,670
The folks here are decent.
454
00:36:05,754 --> 00:36:08,962
A petty theft or brawl here
and there... No matter.
455
00:36:09,045 --> 00:36:11,837
Well, what were you
gonna do at Budèjovice?
456
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,420
I was supposed to serve in the 91st
Regiment and follow them to the front.
457
00:36:16,504 --> 00:36:20,962
The easiest way to get to Russia.
458
00:36:21,045 --> 00:36:24,629
Do you know
how to take photographs?
459
00:36:24,712 --> 00:36:25,795
Yes, I do.
460
00:36:25,879 --> 00:36:29,879
-And why don't you carry a camera?
-Because I haven't got one.
461
00:36:29,962 --> 00:36:32,295
And if you had one,
you'd take pics?
462
00:36:32,379 --> 00:36:34,379
If I had one...
That's not worth considering.
463
00:36:34,462 --> 00:36:39,087
Tell me, is it difficult to make
a picture of a railway-station?
464
00:36:39,170 --> 00:36:42,670
Easier than most!
It doesn't move all the time.
465
00:36:42,754 --> 00:36:45,962
And you don't have to tell it
to look pleasant!
466
00:36:46,045 --> 00:36:49,004
We'll take you to Pisek tomorrow.
467
00:36:49,087 --> 00:36:52,212
Have you been to Pisek before?
468
00:36:52,295 --> 00:36:56,379
In 1910, as part of the Emperor's
manoeuvres.
469
00:36:56,712 --> 00:36:58,462
-The whole manoeuvres?
-Sure, as a private of the infantry.
470
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:05,629
Corporal!
Give him some more tea with rum
471
00:37:05,712 --> 00:37:09,004
And for me too!
And put more rum in it!
472
00:37:11,337 --> 00:37:19,295
Slavic brothers,
our nation's alive!
473
00:37:21,712 --> 00:37:30,462
Slavic brothers,
our nation's alive!
474
00:37:31,295 --> 00:37:36,629
Thunder and hell,
and all your power,
475
00:37:36,712 --> 00:37:40,879
manage nothing against us!
476
00:37:41,254 --> 00:37:44,629
My dear Slavic brother!
477
00:37:45,462 --> 00:37:48,379
Come on, my little spy!
478
00:37:49,670 --> 00:37:51,337
Don't worry!
479
00:37:51,420 --> 00:37:53,754
The Cossacks will be in Moravia
any minute now...
480
00:37:53,837 --> 00:37:56,087
Long live the Russian Tsar!
481
00:37:56,170 --> 00:38:00,879
-Let's make him King of Bohemia!
-Sure!
482
00:38:00,962 --> 00:38:03,420
They have to keep Franz Josef
locked up in the lavatory anyways,
483
00:38:03,504 --> 00:38:05,712
otherwise he'd dirty the whole
castle of Schönbrunn!
484
00:38:05,795 --> 00:38:09,670
Cut it out, fellas,
we're in a police-station!
485
00:38:09,754 --> 00:38:11,004
Grandma!
486
00:38:11,087 --> 00:38:14,212
Come here!
Go to the pub and tell them
487
00:38:14,295 --> 00:38:16,837
to send me another
bottle of aniseed brandy!
488
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:20,629
Please, master,
give me some money.
489
00:38:20,712 --> 00:38:23,629
You owe me
for three years' cleaning...
490
00:38:23,712 --> 00:38:25,795
Shut up, grandma,
or I'll have you arrested!
491
00:38:25,879 --> 00:38:30,004
We know for a fact your son's
a poacher! Get out!
492
00:38:32,504 --> 00:38:36,504
-Corporal! Where're you going?
-Gotta go outside!
493
00:38:47,629 --> 00:38:52,170
Tell me that even in Russia they
have no better brandy than here!
494
00:38:52,254 --> 00:38:58,170
-Come on, admit it, be a man!
-They don't!
495
00:38:58,420 --> 00:39:01,170
You don't know how pleased I am
you've admitted it!
496
00:39:01,254 --> 00:39:04,545
That's how it should be at
a questioning! Come here, my lad!
497
00:39:04,629 --> 00:39:07,504
Gimme a kiss... gimme...
498
00:39:46,462 --> 00:39:49,170
Well, haven't you misbehaved again!
You sure showed your true colours!
499
00:39:49,254 --> 00:39:51,587
In front of the charwoman
you shouted: "Long live Russia!"
500
00:39:51,670 --> 00:39:55,129
You didn't exactly hold back either,
chief.
501
00:39:55,212 --> 00:39:58,920
You said our Emperor's due
to kick the bucket any day now,
502
00:39:59,004 --> 00:40:01,712
and Emperor Wilhelm
is but a beast!
503
00:40:01,795 --> 00:40:06,754
-What... I said that?
-You did. And you also shouted...
504
00:40:06,837 --> 00:40:09,254
-Shut up!
-I'm only telling the truth.
505
00:40:09,337 --> 00:40:13,337
How can you recall anything!
You were drunk as a skunk,
506
00:40:13,420 --> 00:40:16,087
your eyes were as small as a pig's
and you tried to climb the stove
507
00:40:16,170 --> 00:40:18,337
when you wanted to get out
of the door!
508
00:40:18,420 --> 00:40:21,462
Been always telling that alcohol's
a destructive element.
509
00:40:21,545 --> 00:40:24,045
You can't take it and still
you keep on drinking!
510
00:40:24,129 --> 00:40:27,379
Get hold of yourself! You gotta
take that spy over to Pisek,
511
00:40:27,462 --> 00:40:31,004
to hand him over to the captain.
He'll be very pleased with us!
512
00:40:31,087 --> 00:40:32,837
-I'll go and get him, yes?
-Go!
513
00:40:37,337 --> 00:40:42,295
Listen, corporal. Rampa, call our
charwoman to come and see me!
514
00:40:44,170 --> 00:40:47,920
Come and see the chief, come on...
515
00:40:48,629 --> 00:40:51,295
-Good morning!
-Good morning!
516
00:40:51,379 --> 00:40:56,087
-Did you sleep well?
-So, so... and you?
517
00:40:56,170 --> 00:40:58,962
Thanks for asking,
but I can sleep anywhere.
518
00:40:59,045 --> 00:41:01,712
Only the pillow under my head,
you should have it changed,
519
00:41:01,795 --> 00:41:04,754
I think it must be made
from duck feathers.
520
00:41:04,837 --> 00:41:08,879
Well! Now the corporal is going
to take you to Pisek,
521
00:41:08,962 --> 00:41:11,420
to the Bezirksgendarmeriekommando.
522
00:41:11,504 --> 00:41:14,379
You don't know how pleased I am.
523
00:41:14,462 --> 00:41:17,462
I was almost afraid you'd keep me
here till the end of the war!
524
00:41:17,545 --> 00:41:21,462
According to the regulations,
I should have you handcuffed.
525
00:41:21,545 --> 00:41:23,962
But as you are an otherwise
decent human being,
526
00:41:24,045 --> 00:41:27,879
we shall not handcuff you.
Corporal, take him away!
527
00:41:27,962 --> 00:41:33,795
So, good luck for the journey,
and remember me!
528
00:41:33,879 --> 00:41:38,795
God be with you, chief, thanks a lot
for everything you've done for me.
529
00:41:38,879 --> 00:41:41,337
As soon as I'll have the chance,
I'm going to write to you.
530
00:41:41,420 --> 00:41:46,670
If I ever pass this way again,
I shall look you up.
531
00:41:54,045 --> 00:41:58,212
For heaven's sake,
what does the chief want with me?
532
00:41:58,295 --> 00:42:00,254
That I don't know,
I only know he's terribly cross,
533
00:42:00,337 --> 00:42:02,670
you must've done
something horrible last night!
534
00:42:02,754 --> 00:42:05,295
For heaven's sake, that isn't true!
535
00:42:06,337 --> 00:42:09,212
Come here, Mrs Pejzlar!
536
00:42:11,379 --> 00:42:12,754
Listen, woman,
537
00:42:12,837 --> 00:42:16,629
yesterday you had the chance
to witness a major event.
538
00:42:16,712 --> 00:42:21,504
Maybe your stupid brain
can't grasp it,
539
00:42:21,587 --> 00:42:23,962
but that man was a spy!
540
00:42:24,045 --> 00:42:28,295
-For heaven's sake!
-Indeed, and that's not all!
541
00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:31,087
To get some evidence out of him,
we had to say various things
542
00:42:31,170 --> 00:42:36,670
-in front of him, you heard us, didn't you?
-I did, chief.
543
00:42:36,754 --> 00:42:41,629
Now, woman, you've got to remember,
you're part of an official secret.
544
00:42:41,712 --> 00:42:47,087
Not a word about it to anyone,
not even on your deathbed.
545
00:42:47,170 --> 00:42:51,420
Otherwise you won't be given
a Christian burial!
546
00:42:51,504 --> 00:42:52,962
For heaven's sake!
547
00:42:53,045 --> 00:42:57,295
Why did I, unfortunate person,
ever come here?! For heaven's sake!
548
00:42:57,379 --> 00:43:00,712
Don't cry, step closer to the cross.
549
00:43:00,795 --> 00:43:05,170
Lift two fingers of your right hand
and repeat after me:
550
00:43:05,254 --> 00:43:08,004
-I swear...
-I swear...
551
00:43:08,087 --> 00:43:10,295
-by God Almighty...
-by God Almighty...
552
00:43:10,379 --> 00:43:14,712
-and by you, chief of police...
-and by you, chief of police...
553
00:43:14,795 --> 00:43:17,670
...that I won't mention anything
till my dying day.
554
00:43:17,795 --> 00:43:20,254
...that I won't mention anything
till my dying day.
555
00:43:20,337 --> 00:43:23,670
Well and now, kiss the crucifix!
Here.
556
00:43:23,754 --> 00:43:25,420
Mr Flanderka!
557
00:43:25,504 --> 00:43:28,587
Praised be the name
of Jesus Christ!
558
00:43:28,670 --> 00:43:34,462
Forever. My good woman, leave me
alone with the chief of police.
559
00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:37,212
Anything I can do for you,
parson?
560
00:43:37,295 --> 00:43:41,629
Chief,
I met the village shepherd,
561
00:43:41,712 --> 00:43:45,045
Johny Jump-Up,
and he told me...
562
00:43:45,129 --> 00:43:47,379
Don't take it the wrong way,
563
00:43:47,462 --> 00:43:49,712
I'm just going to repeat
what he said.
564
00:43:49,795 --> 00:43:54,087
He said, "Master, the chief
of police told me yesterday
565
00:43:54,170 --> 00:43:59,629
that the Emperor is a beast
and that we won't win the war!"
566
00:43:59,795 --> 00:44:02,587
I'm surprised at you,
discussing such things with him,
567
00:44:02,670 --> 00:44:07,545
knowing well that he's an idiot,
God forgive me.
568
00:44:20,754 --> 00:44:23,170
-Whenever you want to talk...
-What?
569
00:44:23,254 --> 00:44:26,462
-Whenever you want to talk...
-I can't hear you!
570
00:44:26,545 --> 00:44:30,754
Whenever you want to talk, so that
nobody else overhears you,
571
00:44:30,837 --> 00:44:36,712
you have to start some music!
-All right.
572
00:44:36,795 --> 00:44:41,004
Look,
he's watching us with curiosity!
573
00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:44,212
He mustn't know who you are!
574
00:44:44,295 --> 00:44:46,795
-Hello, innkeeper!
-Yes?
575
00:44:46,879 --> 00:44:50,295
If he knew who you were,
he could cause a panic,
576
00:44:50,379 --> 00:44:54,754
during the war forbidden!
-I'm not going to cause a panic!
577
00:44:54,837 --> 00:44:56,920
Leave it here,
what's the use anyway...
578
00:44:57,004 --> 00:45:01,170
My brother here's telling me
we'll be in Pisek in a hour.
579
00:45:01,587 --> 00:45:03,629
You're brothers?
580
00:45:03,712 --> 00:45:08,337
-So your brother is on leave, eh?
-His leave's over today.
581
00:45:08,420 --> 00:45:12,795
-I see.
-See how we fooled him?
582
00:45:13,837 --> 00:45:19,087
-I think we should go now.
-We'll go... of course we'll go.
583
00:45:19,170 --> 00:45:23,004
Look, it's lunchtime.
584
00:45:23,087 --> 00:45:27,212
Captain König will be having
his lunch now anyways.
585
00:45:27,295 --> 00:45:33,337
And if we get to Pisek at 4 o'clock,
we'll still have plenty of time.
586
00:45:33,670 --> 00:45:37,629
Go on, tell me, will the town
of Pisek run away from us?
587
00:45:37,712 --> 00:45:39,795
Of course it won't,
588
00:45:39,879 --> 00:45:41,795
but I should like to be
with my Lieutenant again.
589
00:45:41,962 --> 00:45:46,962
Have a drink,
he won't run away either.
590
00:45:55,545 --> 00:46:00,420
Innkeeper, bring us a pack of cards,
we'll have a game.
591
00:46:00,504 --> 00:46:07,629
-Be sensible.
-I'd like you to win all my money.
592
00:46:07,712 --> 00:46:10,795
Talk to your brother, please!
593
00:46:10,879 --> 00:46:13,295
He got drunk for the sheer joy
at seeing me alive again.
594
00:46:13,379 --> 00:46:15,337
Brother...
595
00:46:16,462 --> 00:46:20,504
Did you hear that cannonade
during the night?
596
00:46:20,587 --> 00:46:22,962
Leave me alone with such...
597
00:46:23,087 --> 00:46:26,295
Corporal, we'll have to go...
It'll be dark soon!
598
00:46:26,379 --> 00:46:29,879
Don't panic! Stay seated!
599
00:46:30,254 --> 00:46:33,170
That's what instructions are for!
600
00:46:33,295 --> 00:46:36,337
Do you know what
instructions are for?
601
00:46:36,420 --> 00:46:41,754
Instructions summarise regulations!
602
00:46:50,504 --> 00:46:54,212
Come outside to get a breath of air.
It will do you good!
603
00:46:54,337 --> 00:46:57,962
Leave me alone, I'm glad we're
in a warm place.
604
00:46:58,045 --> 00:47:01,337
Those in the trenches now aren't
as comfortable as we are!
605
00:47:01,420 --> 00:47:07,545
-Now, don't you cause a panic!
-Of course, panics are forbidden!
606
00:47:07,629 --> 00:47:10,129
-Stop acting like such a fool!
-What are you worrying about?
607
00:47:10,212 --> 00:47:13,004
Brother, be sensible... take this.
608
00:47:13,212 --> 00:47:16,545
Here, don't leave your cap behind!
609
00:47:18,129 --> 00:47:22,587
Follow me! You'll regret having
ever agreed to be a spy!
610
00:47:22,670 --> 00:47:24,420
For sure!
611
00:47:36,045 --> 00:47:37,920
Where are you going?
612
00:47:40,254 --> 00:47:43,337
To Pisek!
Just follow your nose!
613
00:47:43,420 --> 00:47:47,212
And you'll get to Pisek!
614
00:47:47,295 --> 00:47:50,629
I can't go on...
Someone's holding me!
615
00:47:50,712 --> 00:47:52,295
This won't do, fellow!
616
00:47:52,379 --> 00:47:56,129
Where're your handcuffs?
Hand them over!
617
00:48:02,545 --> 00:48:05,754
-Do you like folk songs?
-Come along, come on, I tell you...
618
00:48:40,337 --> 00:48:45,337
Hello, uncle, wait a minute.
619
00:49:07,712 --> 00:49:12,712
Follow me! Stop!
Wait, till I'm across.
620
00:49:18,504 --> 00:49:22,295
-Let's go back!
-Come on, before I slap your face!
621
00:49:26,712 --> 00:49:28,879
Behave yourself!
622
00:49:55,879 --> 00:50:00,045
-Which regiment have you deserted?
-None, Sir!
623
00:50:00,129 --> 00:50:03,962
I'm following my Lieutenant,
Mr Lukas, over to Budèjovice.
624
00:50:04,045 --> 00:50:06,295
And why didn't you tell
the constable at Putim
625
00:50:06,379 --> 00:50:08,962
that it was all a mistake?
626
00:50:09,045 --> 00:50:11,004
Because I saw it would be in vain.
627
00:50:11,087 --> 00:50:14,254
I used to know
an innkeeper at home,
628
00:50:14,337 --> 00:50:18,504
who always said to people who owed
him that some folks have moments
629
00:50:18,587 --> 00:50:23,420
when they're just deaf
to every sensible word!
630
00:50:28,379 --> 00:50:32,879
Get up! Open your mouth!
631
00:50:34,337 --> 00:50:37,087
Rum, cherry brandy,
aniseed brandy,
632
00:50:37,170 --> 00:50:42,254
nut liquor, eggnog
and vanilla liquor!
633
00:50:43,129 --> 00:50:45,462
To come here drunk,
634
00:50:45,545 --> 00:50:49,087
to let yourself be wheeled in
on a cart like a beast!
635
00:50:49,170 --> 00:50:55,379
Well, no doubt Captain König
will be pleased about you!
636
00:50:55,462 --> 00:50:59,587
Lock him up!
Till he's black in the face!
637
00:51:09,879 --> 00:51:14,962
Come here, Captain,
I'd like to ask you something!
638
00:51:15,045 --> 00:51:18,170
Of course, with great pleasure,
Colonel!
639
00:51:18,254 --> 00:51:23,212
-Just go on playing, gentlemen...
-Please, Lieutenant.
640
00:51:28,587 --> 00:51:31,504
Tell me, why does Lieutenant Lukáš
never spend his evenings with us?
641
00:51:31,587 --> 00:51:33,670
It looks as if he were avoiding
our company...
642
00:51:33,754 --> 00:51:35,795
And he's a funny chap.
643
00:51:35,879 --> 00:51:38,712
He's always preferred the company
of women to a soldier's friendship.
644
00:51:38,795 --> 00:51:41,795
Of course, the times of knights
and round tables are over now!
645
00:51:41,879 --> 00:51:45,170
In the old days, every officer tried
to do his share in entertainment.
646
00:51:45,254 --> 00:51:50,212
One fellow, a Lieutenant Denkl,
he even undressed
647
00:51:50,295 --> 00:51:53,379
and played the little
mermaid for us...
648
00:51:53,462 --> 00:51:56,670
But that fellow Lukáš
must be a melancholic.
649
00:51:56,754 --> 00:52:00,212
He's only embittered. He expected
a promotion a long time ago...
650
00:52:00,295 --> 00:52:03,837
-But surely his commander capacity is diminutive...
-What do you mean?
651
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:07,629
That's proven by the fact he's got
no idea where his batman's got to...
652
00:52:07,712 --> 00:52:12,962
America clearly can't enter the war,
it's wholly isolated by the ocean.
653
00:52:13,045 --> 00:52:19,837
Sure, but the history of sea-battles
teaches us... Take Trafalgar...
654
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:23,670
Cadet Biegler, German U-boats are
in all the oceans,
655
00:52:23,795 --> 00:52:27,337
as I mentioned to our
district commander
656
00:52:27,420 --> 00:52:30,587
already before the war!
Isn't that right.
657
00:52:30,670 --> 00:52:33,504
Do you hear the tripe Lieutenant
Dub is spewing again?
658
00:52:33,587 --> 00:52:36,295
Yesterday he was nothing but
a stupid little professor of Czech,
659
00:52:36,379 --> 00:52:40,170
and today he'd like to be equal
to us, active officers!
660
00:52:40,254 --> 00:52:45,379
Excuse me, Colonel, I'm taking this
opportunity and dare to mention
661
00:52:45,462 --> 00:52:49,295
-the fact that I need a new batman.
-Do you know, Lieutenant,
662
00:52:49,379 --> 00:52:55,462
such a curiosity as having a batman
desert us can only occur to you.
663
00:52:55,587 --> 00:52:59,837
-Listen, I've heard you can sing.
-That isn't worth mentioning.
664
00:53:00,045 --> 00:53:03,587
-Who told you, Colonel?
-Don't be too modest, Lieutenant!
665
00:53:03,670 --> 00:53:07,837
As far as the batman's concerned,
speak to Sergeant Vanèk,
666
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:11,420
he'll find you a private.
So, that's that.
667
00:53:11,712 --> 00:53:15,337
Have you by any chance chosen
someone from our company?
668
00:53:15,420 --> 00:53:17,879
-I'm relying on you, Sergeant...
-As you wish, Sir.
669
00:53:17,962 --> 00:53:20,170
I'm not very lucky in choosing
a batman,
670
00:53:20,254 --> 00:53:22,045
as has been proved in the case of Schweik.
-Did he steal?
671
00:53:22,129 --> 00:53:25,754
By no means, he was an honest soul,
but a terrific chatterbox.
672
00:53:25,837 --> 00:53:28,587
He would yackety-yak so much
he almost drove me nuts!
673
00:53:28,670 --> 00:53:31,712
Thank God he's gone...
I would've lost my mind!
674
00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:39,379
Listen, man, don't keep me from
my duty and come along!
675
00:53:39,462 --> 00:53:43,212
I could give you a certain Baloun,
but he's very clumsy...
676
00:53:43,295 --> 00:53:45,295
Put a gun in his hand,
he'll cause a mishap.
677
00:53:45,379 --> 00:53:48,087
But in all other respects,
a decent chap.
678
00:53:48,170 --> 00:53:51,879
-Don't knock on the door!
-There's a notice on the door:
679
00:53:51,962 --> 00:53:58,045
"Nicht klopfen! Don't knock!"
Damn you, come in you fool!
680
00:54:01,795 --> 00:54:07,337
-Beg to report, Sir, I'm here again!
-Schweik... oh...
681
00:54:11,129 --> 00:54:14,795
Lieutenant,
what's happening to you?
682
00:54:14,879 --> 00:54:18,670
Beg to report, an official letter!
683
00:54:28,754 --> 00:54:32,670
Take the lieutenant to the gate!
684
00:54:37,170 --> 00:54:41,837
Well, Schweik,
welcome to Budéjovice.
685
00:54:45,962 --> 00:54:51,545
Those to be hanged
will never drown!
686
00:54:51,629 --> 00:54:54,212
They've put out a warrant on you!
687
00:54:54,295 --> 00:54:56,879
I'm not going to bother
myself with you again!
688
00:54:56,962 --> 00:55:00,004
I've lost my patience!
689
00:55:00,129 --> 00:55:04,795
When I imagine I've had to put up
with such an idiot for so long!
690
00:55:04,879 --> 00:55:07,670
I'm surprised at myself for not
having you shot long ago!
691
00:55:07,754 --> 00:55:10,337
What would've happened to me?
The charge would be dismissed!
692
00:55:10,420 --> 00:55:13,504
-Do you understand?
-Beg to report, I do understand!
693
00:55:13,587 --> 00:55:19,545
Don't start your foolishness again,
or something will really go down!
694
00:55:19,629 --> 00:55:23,087
I'm finished with you.
695
00:55:23,795 --> 00:55:28,920
Quartermaster, take him to gaol!
696
00:55:29,254 --> 00:55:31,962
Lieutenant, if you by any chance
went looking for the stuff you use
697
00:55:32,045 --> 00:55:36,420
to dye your gray hair with...
-Out, you swine!
698
00:55:36,504 --> 00:55:39,295
Beg to report, I'm getting out!
699
00:55:42,754 --> 00:55:46,837
I must say you've got me
an awesome batman, indeed!
700
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:49,337
He's been driving me insane
for a month now! And today,
701
00:55:49,420 --> 00:55:51,920
I send him off to get my lunch,
and he eats half of it underway!
702
00:55:52,004 --> 00:55:57,379
-Please, Sir, it got spilled...
-Soup perhaps, but not the joint!
703
00:55:57,462 --> 00:56:00,212
-What did you do with the strudel?
-Please, I'm not to blame...
704
00:56:00,295 --> 00:56:02,879
Speak, you twerp, what have you
done with the strudel?
705
00:56:02,962 --> 00:56:07,420
When I was walking across the yard,
it fell into the mud...
706
00:56:07,504 --> 00:56:10,254
Come and show me the place you
dropped it!
707
00:56:10,337 --> 00:56:13,837
It's not there anymore!
A big, huge mutt came along...
708
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:18,837
Don't you lie to me, git! I saw you
stuffing yourself in the yard!
709
00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:22,629
-Lieutenant...!
-Have you no control over yourself, man?
710
00:56:22,712 --> 00:56:28,504
-You gotta eat your master's lunch?
-Beg to report, I'm always hungry.
711
00:56:28,587 --> 00:56:31,129
That's the way I'm built.
712
00:56:31,212 --> 00:56:34,295
As soon as I smell food,
I forget myself...
713
00:56:34,379 --> 00:56:37,754
Have him tied up
outside the kitchen.
714
00:56:37,837 --> 00:56:40,920
And tell the cook to give his
ration to the others!
715
00:56:41,045 --> 00:56:44,712
Come along, Baloun!
716
00:56:57,004 --> 00:57:00,045
Hallo! Lieutenant Lukáš!
717
00:57:00,129 --> 00:57:03,379
Yes, yes. I understand.
718
00:57:11,212 --> 00:57:14,420
Wait, Lieutenant,
I'm going to send for your lunch!
719
00:57:14,504 --> 00:57:17,379
Thank you, but I'm called to attend
a Besprechung with the Colonel.
720
00:57:17,462 --> 00:57:21,212
Damn! Think it might be
marching orders?
721
00:57:21,295 --> 00:57:24,462
Nah, it's not so hot.
722
00:57:24,545 --> 00:57:28,670
I've had my marching orders thrice,
and the last company I was with,
723
00:57:28,754 --> 00:57:33,379
went over to the Ruskis with all
the officers, commander included!
724
00:57:33,462 --> 00:57:35,879
I was only spared
because I'd been sent behind
725
00:57:35,962 --> 00:57:39,504
the lines to get rum for the lads,
what a sweet copout, ha-ha.
726
00:57:39,587 --> 00:57:42,337
Next time there's an attack on,
you won't be behind the lines
727
00:57:42,420 --> 00:57:46,045
getting rum, I can assure you!
-Of course, but...
728
00:57:46,129 --> 00:57:49,962
It's been pointed out to me you're
an old boozer, with your red nose...
729
00:57:50,045 --> 00:57:53,170
My nose got frost-bitten
in the Carpathians!
730
00:57:56,879 --> 00:57:58,837
Look!
731
00:58:00,212 --> 00:58:02,879
That's a nice bone, innit?
732
00:58:02,962 --> 00:58:05,754
I think you should have
the sect of the Hesychasts,
733
00:58:05,837 --> 00:58:08,712
they looked at their tummies
all day long,
734
00:58:08,795 --> 00:58:13,045
till they thought
it had a halo.
735
00:58:14,170 --> 00:58:17,295
Well, have a bite, come on...
Have a bite.
736
00:58:19,545 --> 00:58:22,337
You know me,
I don't like doing such things.
737
00:58:22,420 --> 00:58:26,212
But it can't be helped.
The army is the army!
738
00:58:26,295 --> 00:58:33,504
Beg to report, Sir, I've just been
released from gaol!
739
00:58:33,587 --> 00:58:34,962
Schweik...
740
00:58:35,045 --> 00:58:38,545
I was told to hand these papers
over to you, Sergeant,
741
00:58:38,629 --> 00:58:43,087
to get pay and food of course.
Beg to report, Sir...
742
00:58:43,170 --> 00:58:46,129
Schweik, shut your trap!
743
00:58:46,254 --> 00:58:49,587
You'd do well to leave us alone.
744
00:58:51,629 --> 00:58:55,629
You dumb beast!
Shall I never get rid of you?
745
00:58:55,712 --> 00:58:58,379
Which nitwit
sent you here again?
746
00:58:58,462 --> 00:59:00,754
Beg to report, Sir, the Colonel!
747
00:59:00,837 --> 00:59:03,212
First, he called me on the carpet,
748
00:59:03,295 --> 00:59:06,504
then he told me
to report to you as orderly.
749
00:59:06,587 --> 00:59:09,462
You, an orderly?
That Colonel must have gone insane!
750
00:59:09,545 --> 00:59:13,629
I wouldn't know about that,
but he was telling me very sensibly
751
00:59:13,712 --> 00:59:16,045
to try to avoid all further trouble
and not to bring any shame to you.
752
00:59:16,129 --> 00:59:20,420
-As if I'd ever done that.
-Yes, hmmm.
753
00:59:20,504 --> 00:59:23,545
If I've ever done anything wrong,
it was just an accident.
754
00:59:23,629 --> 00:59:27,754
I've done nothing intentionally...
755
00:59:27,837 --> 00:59:32,004
I always meant well...
756
00:59:32,087 --> 00:59:34,379
Butt if it turned out to bring
trouble for both us,
757
00:59:34,462 --> 00:59:37,254
it was just because
I was clumsy...
758
00:59:37,337 --> 00:59:40,254
Now don't you start weeping here.
759
00:59:40,837 --> 00:59:44,045
Beg to report, I'm not weeping.
760
00:59:44,170 --> 00:59:47,962
I only suddenly felt sorry
for both of us,
761
00:59:48,045 --> 00:59:53,087
as we're the two most unfortunate
men in this war and under the Sun...
762
00:59:53,170 --> 00:59:56,962
and neither of us really to blame.
763
00:59:57,045 --> 01:00:00,254
Schweik, calm yourself!
764
01:00:02,379 --> 01:00:05,629
Beg to report, that if it wasn't
against regulations,
765
01:00:05,712 --> 01:00:09,212
I'd have to say that I can't
get over it, but as it is,
766
01:00:09,295 --> 01:00:13,587
I've got to say, that according
to your orders, I'm quite calm...
767
01:00:16,504 --> 01:00:20,045
Yes, speaking... Coming...
768
01:00:24,170 --> 01:00:26,879
You wait here till I return.
769
01:00:46,962 --> 01:00:49,379
Look, get out of my way, will you?
770
01:00:49,462 --> 01:00:52,129
Quartermaster, I'm very sorry.
771
01:00:52,212 --> 01:00:56,129
I can't oblige you,
as I got my orders from high up.
772
01:00:56,212 --> 01:00:59,170
-It happens I'm here as orderly!
-You don't say!
773
01:01:07,004 --> 01:01:10,504
What's your civilian profession,
Quartermaster?
774
01:01:10,587 --> 01:01:13,462
Well, I'm Vanèk,
and I keep a drugstore in Kralupy.
775
01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:16,170
That's good. I've been apprenticed
in a drugstore too!
776
01:01:16,254 --> 01:01:19,420
-You don't say?
-With a certain Kokoška on the Pernštejn in Prague.
777
01:01:19,504 --> 01:01:21,504
He was a funny bloke.
778
01:01:21,587 --> 01:01:24,254
When I set fire to a tin with gas
in his cellar once,
779
01:01:24,337 --> 01:01:26,795
he chased me away.
780
01:01:32,420 --> 01:01:35,754
Yes, I'm coming...
781
01:01:40,670 --> 01:01:45,379
I've got to go to the office.
I don't like that, seems so sudden.
782
01:01:45,462 --> 01:01:49,962
It could be marching-orders.
Damn that life!
783
01:01:55,587 --> 01:01:58,462
To hell with you!
784
01:01:58,545 --> 01:02:00,837
Captain Sagner,
785
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:05,212
you've been appointed commander
of the unit to be sent off,
786
01:02:05,295 --> 01:02:09,004
get everything ready now!
787
01:02:09,087 --> 01:02:12,962
Judging by all the signs, you'll be
on the battlefield in a fortnight.
788
01:02:25,629 --> 01:02:29,712
-Hallo, what do you want?
-ls Vanèk anywhere around?
789
01:02:29,795 --> 01:02:33,379
I'm coming back, then I'll settle
the matter with you!
790
01:02:33,462 --> 01:02:36,754
If Vanèk is not there, listen
carefully to what I'm going to say.
791
01:02:36,837 --> 01:02:41,795
Immediately,
once you put the receiver down...
792
01:02:47,462 --> 01:02:49,420
Hallo!
793
01:02:49,504 --> 01:02:53,462
You told me
to put the receiver down.
794
01:02:53,545 --> 01:02:55,920
You lout, you tramp, you...
795
01:02:56,004 --> 01:02:59,045
I'll be back in an hour, and you
can look forward to my coming!
796
01:02:59,129 --> 01:03:02,545
You go get the corporal right away,
tell him to take the handyman
797
01:03:02,629 --> 01:03:05,337
and start drawing
canned provisions from the store...
798
01:03:05,420 --> 01:03:06,462
Did you understand?
799
01:03:06,545 --> 01:03:12,837
But, Sir, what do you think of me?
Of course.
800
01:03:13,254 --> 01:03:17,337
Yes, I'm gonna look after it all.
801
01:03:20,045 --> 01:03:22,045
I'm no duffer, am I?
802
01:04:04,545 --> 01:04:08,795
Gents, at the last two stations
we passed, I received two wires.
803
01:04:08,879 --> 01:04:12,879
Both are signed by the brigade-
commander, Knight von Herbert.
804
01:04:12,962 --> 01:04:16,420
"Cook your food quickly and march
towards Sokal.
805
01:04:16,504 --> 01:04:19,712
Include your cars
into the Eastern group.
806
01:04:19,795 --> 01:04:25,504
Field security to be abolished.
Build a bridge over the river Bug."
807
01:04:25,587 --> 01:04:31,212
-That's...
-Wait! "Further instruction in the papers."
808
01:04:31,295 --> 01:04:34,879
Signed Knight von Herbert,
brigade-commander.
809
01:04:34,962 --> 01:04:41,504
Permit me, Sir, I have a map here.
Excuse me, but just like yours...
810
01:04:41,587 --> 01:04:46,129
I find some of the general's
instructions somewhat...
811
01:04:46,212 --> 01:04:50,545
Cadet Biegler, do you want to argue
with the brigade-commander's orders?
812
01:04:50,629 --> 01:04:54,420
-You're just an officer embryo!
-Of course!
813
01:04:54,504 --> 01:04:57,962
I've decided to get fame on the
battlefield of honour and glory!
814
01:04:58,045 --> 01:05:01,087
As every infantry-soldier
can become a field-marshall...
815
01:05:01,170 --> 01:05:07,545
You'll have the opportunity...
During the first night attack!
816
01:05:07,795 --> 01:05:10,420
The second wire reads:
817
01:05:10,504 --> 01:05:14,170
"lmmediately start cannon-training
according to the news
818
01:05:14,254 --> 01:05:16,795
of yesterday's Neue Freie Presse.
819
01:05:16,879 --> 01:05:21,879
Pay every man 6 crowns for
conquering our fortress, Přemyšl."
820
01:05:21,962 --> 01:05:24,754
Soldiers shouldn't get
any money at all!
821
01:05:24,837 --> 01:05:28,587
The true arms in war are
patriotism, fidelity to one's duty,
822
01:05:28,670 --> 01:05:31,712
self-denial and similar sentiments.
823
01:05:31,795 --> 01:05:36,795
I mentioned that already before
the war to our local authorities!
824
01:05:37,837 --> 01:05:44,337
Look, that girl we saw dancing
at Budèjovice, is now in Budapest,
825
01:05:44,420 --> 01:05:47,462
with the "Small Theatre" Company!
826
01:05:47,545 --> 01:05:53,045
I think, Kunert, your Lieutenant
is a very nice chap!
827
01:05:53,129 --> 01:05:58,462
-Like a real father to the soldiers.
-That's your opinion, he's a swine!
828
01:05:58,545 --> 01:06:02,420
You don't say! Nice way to talk
about your Lieutenant!
829
01:06:02,504 --> 01:06:04,795
-He's not a regular, is he?
-No.
830
01:06:04,879 --> 01:06:08,045
-And what's his civilian profession?
-He's a teacher of Czech.
831
01:06:08,129 --> 01:06:10,295
I envy you, man.
832
01:06:10,379 --> 01:06:13,129
You've a chance to learn some real
Czech language during the war,
833
01:06:13,212 --> 01:06:15,129
and speak like a writer!
834
01:06:15,212 --> 01:06:17,587
Schweik! What're you doing here?
835
01:06:17,670 --> 01:06:22,545
Beg to report, Sir, Kunert and I
have just discussed Lieutenant Dub.
836
01:06:22,629 --> 01:06:27,170
-What a nice character he has...
-All right. Now, Schweik...
837
01:06:27,254 --> 01:06:30,920
Go and tell Baloun to bring me
a roll with liver pâté.
838
01:06:31,004 --> 01:06:34,462
-It's in my suitcase, packed in tinfoil.
-Orders, Sir!
839
01:06:37,170 --> 01:06:38,754
Kunert,
840
01:06:38,837 --> 01:06:42,212
I've already told you not to speak
to that rascal Schweik!
841
01:06:42,295 --> 01:06:44,295
He's a good-for-nothing
and a subversive element.
842
01:06:44,379 --> 01:06:46,754
Why did you talk to him?
843
01:06:46,837 --> 01:06:49,837
Don't you know how to answer,
you beast?
844
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:53,754
Beg to report, Sir, I wasn't
speaking to him, he spoke to me!
845
01:06:53,837 --> 01:06:57,254
You lout, you don't know me yet!
846
01:06:57,337 --> 01:07:01,754
But when you get to know me,
I'll make you cry! Ha!
847
01:07:11,129 --> 01:07:16,587
Baloun! You're supposed to bring
the Lieutenant a roll with pâté!
848
01:07:16,670 --> 01:07:19,920
I ain't got it! I ain't got it!
849
01:07:20,004 --> 01:07:24,087
I just unwrapped it...
850
01:07:24,170 --> 01:07:27,629
To see whether
it's not spoiled...
851
01:07:27,712 --> 01:07:30,045
I just smelled it...
I just tasted it...
852
01:07:30,129 --> 01:07:32,504
And then you swallowed it whole,
tinfoil and all!
853
01:07:32,587 --> 01:07:35,462
You, Baloun, should keep control
over yourself.
854
01:07:35,545 --> 01:07:39,379
Anytime you face such a problem,
which you've just gorged on,
855
01:07:39,462 --> 01:07:45,379
just ask yourself:
What relation is that pâté to me?
856
01:07:45,462 --> 01:07:48,837
Only thanks to my intervention
have you remained batman.
857
01:07:48,920 --> 01:07:50,670
They wanted to transfer you
to the medical corps,
858
01:07:50,754 --> 01:07:54,129
to transport the wounded from
the battlefield, during the battle.
859
01:07:54,212 --> 01:07:58,379
Aren't you ashamed?
You, a soldier?
860
01:07:58,462 --> 01:08:01,629
I wasn't built for the war...
861
01:08:01,712 --> 01:08:07,087
Please, I'm always hungry because
I miss the ordinary routine.
862
01:08:46,837 --> 01:08:51,129
Ask the Captain at the Division HQ.
About 500 yards from here.
863
01:08:51,212 --> 01:08:53,629
Captain Tayerle.
864
01:08:54,504 --> 01:08:59,545
I'm telling you in confidence,
you can throw those wires away.
865
01:08:59,629 --> 01:09:04,795
The brigade commander
has gone mad.
866
01:09:05,170 --> 01:09:07,545
You know - paralysis!
867
01:09:07,629 --> 01:09:11,087
-He's sending out such crazy wires all over the place.
-But why...
868
01:09:11,170 --> 01:09:15,754
Well, it takes some time
before the ministry finds out...
869
01:09:15,837 --> 01:09:17,087
Such things cause errors, chaos...
870
01:09:19,462 --> 01:09:22,962
War is a chaotic enterprise anyway.
871
01:09:23,045 --> 01:09:28,629
Calm yourself, even chaotic orders
get you to the trenches in the end.
872
01:09:28,712 --> 01:09:33,254
This is where your train ends,
from here you march.
873
01:09:33,337 --> 01:09:35,920
But don't worry about tomorrow...
874
01:09:36,004 --> 01:09:40,045
Tonight we'll have a dance.
875
01:09:40,129 --> 01:09:43,504
There're some pretty tarts here,
sogennante Engelhuren.
876
01:09:43,587 --> 01:09:47,295
There's even a general's daughter,
she used to be a lesbian.
877
01:09:47,379 --> 01:09:52,212
And a young Lieutenant... he likes
to dress up in women's drags.
878
01:09:52,295 --> 01:09:57,087
-Just wait, you'll see.
-All right.
879
01:10:01,712 --> 01:10:03,004
Hab Acht!
880
01:10:09,795 --> 01:10:14,045
You think I am stuffing you here
like pigs for a slaughter?
881
01:10:14,129 --> 01:10:17,379
Less gobbling, more running!
882
01:10:17,462 --> 01:10:20,129
When are you going to split
your seams, you pigs?
883
01:10:20,212 --> 01:10:23,170
Orders, Sir!
884
01:10:24,004 --> 01:10:27,545
That's what I call discipline!
885
01:10:27,629 --> 01:10:32,337
Remember, the enemy uses cunning
weaponry!
886
01:10:32,420 --> 01:10:37,170
He founds brothels in deserted towns
and in these, he implants...
887
01:10:37,254 --> 01:10:42,670
women with uh, STD's,
to cause losses in our ranks!
888
01:10:42,754 --> 01:10:46,754
I'm warning you,
I'll punish all I find there!
889
01:10:46,837 --> 01:10:52,462
Beg to report, we should be told
where such enemy brothels are.
890
01:10:52,545 --> 01:10:55,295
-As it could happen...
-Do you know me?
891
01:10:55,379 --> 01:10:59,504
-I know you, Sir.
-Perhaps you know my good points.
892
01:10:59,587 --> 01:11:04,045
But you get to know my bad points,
and I'll surely make you cry!
893
01:11:04,129 --> 01:11:08,212
-So, you say you know me, or don't you?
-I do know you!
894
01:11:08,295 --> 01:11:12,129
I'm telling you for the last time
you don't know me yet, you moron!
895
01:11:12,212 --> 01:11:17,254
-Do you have any brothers?
-Beg to report, I've got one.
896
01:11:17,337 --> 01:11:21,712
And is he as much of a nincompoop
as you? What's he do for a living?
897
01:11:21,795 --> 01:11:27,629
He's a professor, a soldier as well,
he, too, passed the officer tests...
898
01:11:27,712 --> 01:11:30,004
Abtreten!
899
01:11:42,212 --> 01:11:47,170
Gents, I've just been to the Brigade
HO. This is where our train ends.
900
01:11:47,254 --> 01:11:49,129
Tomorrow we start marching
towards our positions.
901
01:11:49,212 --> 01:11:53,712
All the officers will have to...
Where's Lieutenant Dub?
902
01:11:53,795 --> 01:11:57,629
Heinrich, be so kind and send
an orderly to fetch him...
903
01:11:57,712 --> 01:12:02,545
-Captain, may I remark...
-Cadet Biegler!
904
01:12:02,629 --> 01:12:04,920
-Schweik!
-I'm here, Sir!
905
01:12:05,004 --> 01:12:07,045
You don't happen to know
where we could find It. Dub?
906
01:12:07,129 --> 01:12:09,754
Right now he's in the coffeehouse
opposite the railway-station.
907
01:12:09,837 --> 01:12:13,420
He announced to the whole unit
he'd search all of the brothels in town
908
01:12:13,504 --> 01:12:16,379
and that all those found there
would be punished severely!
909
01:12:16,462 --> 01:12:17,837
Take Kunert along and go get him!
910
01:13:21,587 --> 01:13:26,837
It's very nice there, but your It.
doesn't seem to be here.
911
01:13:26,920 --> 01:13:28,629
We've got to go upstairs.
912
01:13:28,712 --> 01:13:32,170
-Haben Sie Geld, mein Held?
-Was?
913
01:13:32,254 --> 01:13:36,629
-Drei Kronen für einen Mann...
-Három korona, három...
914
01:13:36,712 --> 01:13:39,545
It's very nice of you
to welcome us as heroes,
915
01:13:39,629 --> 01:13:42,712
but we've got no time
to be playing hanky-panky...
916
01:13:42,795 --> 01:13:47,670
Well, either start it up, or hinaus!
The lady isn't here for fun.
917
01:13:47,754 --> 01:13:52,379
Don't shout at me, Madame,
or I'll slap your face for you!
918
01:13:52,462 --> 01:13:58,504
-Hilfe! Hilfe!
-Halt! Entry for officers only!
919
01:13:58,587 --> 01:14:00,545
Keep your filthy hands
off me, you dunce!
920
01:14:00,629 --> 01:14:03,545
We're here in the interests
of the entire army!
921
01:14:15,337 --> 01:14:17,837
Wait...
922
01:14:18,170 --> 01:14:21,254
-Well, what do you want?
-I'm afraid.
923
01:14:21,337 --> 01:14:24,420
Keep it together!
924
01:14:29,129 --> 01:14:32,337
Halt! Hab acht!
925
01:14:32,712 --> 01:14:35,629
Quit fooling around!
926
01:14:36,920 --> 01:14:41,087
Come here, Kunert!
Pour me another one!
927
01:14:45,712 --> 01:14:49,795
Here you go, drink.
Besetzt, besetzt!
928
01:14:50,087 --> 01:14:52,337
Come in, come in!
929
01:14:52,420 --> 01:14:59,254
If it's the schoolroom key you want,
just ask the attendant downstairs!
930
01:14:59,337 --> 01:15:02,254
Beg to report, you've got to dress
now and go attend a conference!
931
01:15:02,337 --> 01:15:06,545
Ah, so you're the urchin
who damaged the globe!
932
01:15:06,629 --> 01:15:08,337
Remember!
933
01:15:08,420 --> 01:15:12,170
In wartime, such behaviour
just won't get excused!
934
01:15:12,254 --> 01:15:13,879
But, Lieutenant...
935
01:15:13,962 --> 01:15:17,379
Ah, it's you, Schweik?
936
01:15:17,462 --> 01:15:23,045
So I've found you out, you lout!
I'll show you... Ouch.
937
01:15:30,129 --> 01:15:33,962
Lieutenant... Come and help me!
938
01:15:36,712 --> 01:15:40,670
-Where am I?
-You happen to be at a brothel.
939
01:15:41,962 --> 01:15:45,462
Inscrutable are the ways
of the Lord.
940
01:15:45,545 --> 01:15:52,004
It's interesting, not even in winter
have I sweated as much as this.
941
01:15:52,837 --> 01:15:54,587
Lieutenant...
942
01:15:54,670 --> 01:15:56,712
You don't know me...
943
01:15:56,795 --> 01:16:01,420
But when you get to know me,
I'll make you weep!
944
01:16:01,504 --> 01:16:05,170
You don't know me, but when...
945
01:17:16,337 --> 01:17:19,629
Schweik!
What're you doing here?
946
01:17:19,712 --> 01:17:22,462
Beg to report,
we're playing cards!
947
01:17:22,545 --> 01:17:25,879
An innocent game, one played
on Christmas Eves,
948
01:17:25,962 --> 01:17:28,754
when there's peace and love
in everybody's heart...
949
01:17:28,837 --> 01:17:31,087
Quit fooling!
950
01:18:24,587 --> 01:18:26,920
Well, come here!
951
01:18:51,795 --> 01:18:56,587
Take this soap,
but don't forget to give it back!
952
01:19:00,129 --> 01:19:03,212
Did you see that?
He's lent me his soap!
953
01:19:03,295 --> 01:19:06,962
You know, we're out in the lines.
The officers get much nicer.
954
01:19:07,795 --> 01:19:09,670
You ever-hungry fellow,
955
01:19:09,754 --> 01:19:12,837
I'm surprised
you haven't eaten us yet!
956
01:19:12,920 --> 01:19:15,712
Go away, wait till the food's ready!
957
01:19:15,795 --> 01:19:18,587
What sort of life is this!
958
01:19:18,670 --> 01:19:24,337
At home,
I'd make my own sausages,
959
01:19:24,420 --> 01:19:30,170
and I'd eat so much stuffing
I'd almost burst!
960
01:19:32,504 --> 01:19:35,712
And afterwards, the beer!
961
01:19:35,795 --> 01:19:39,587
That makes a fellow feel happy!
962
01:19:39,670 --> 01:19:42,504
And all this the war's taken
away from us!
963
01:19:55,712 --> 01:19:58,545
Are you on the lookout
for the enemy, Schweik?
964
01:19:58,629 --> 01:20:01,045
I'm wondering if there's
a fire-brigade over there.
965
01:20:01,129 --> 01:20:03,879
When Odkolek's mills were on fire
in Prague,
966
01:20:03,962 --> 01:20:06,254
fire-brigades came
from all over the town...
967
01:20:06,337 --> 01:20:08,837
Are you playing the fool again?
968
01:20:08,920 --> 01:20:12,545
Tell me, Schweik,
are you really this daft?
969
01:20:12,629 --> 01:20:16,212
Not everybody can be clever,
the daft ones must be the exception,
970
01:20:16,295 --> 01:20:19,920
cause if everyone was to be clever,
there'd be so many brains around,
971
01:20:20,004 --> 01:20:23,712
that every other person
would go completely daft!
972
01:20:23,795 --> 01:20:24,837
You know, Schweik,
973
01:20:24,920 --> 01:20:29,212
I'm surprised at myself
I'm still talking to you...
974
01:20:29,295 --> 01:20:33,379
That's caused by the fact
we've known each other for so long,
975
01:20:33,462 --> 01:20:36,045
and that we've suffered
through a lot.
976
01:20:36,129 --> 01:20:39,129
And always got blamed for things
that we shouldn't have been blamed for.
977
01:20:39,212 --> 01:20:41,587
That's our fate, you know.
978
01:20:41,670 --> 01:20:45,837
What the Emperor orders,
he orders well...
979
01:20:46,004 --> 01:20:51,504
It's funny how you tend to speak
triflingly of the officer corps.
980
01:20:51,587 --> 01:20:55,962
-And even of illustrious personages.
-That never even entered my head!
981
01:20:56,045 --> 01:21:01,879
I think that's caused by the fact
that human life is so complicated,
982
01:21:01,962 --> 01:21:07,379
that the life of one person
is quite irrelevant in comparison.
983
01:21:16,170 --> 01:21:20,670
Beg to report, Sir,
orders from the Brigade HQ!
984
01:21:40,545 --> 01:21:44,337
What the devil!
A change of marching orders again!
985
01:21:44,420 --> 01:21:47,254
Instead of Sambor,
we're to go to Feldstein.
986
01:21:47,337 --> 01:21:50,754
Are they crazy at the Brigade HO,
or what? Schweik!
987
01:21:51,129 --> 01:21:56,295
Find Vanèk, you'll go
to Feldstein as quartermasters.
988
01:21:58,129 --> 01:22:02,504
And take Baloun along,
I've had quite enough of him!
989
01:22:15,337 --> 01:22:19,462
According to the map,
there should be a chapel here...
990
01:22:19,545 --> 01:22:22,629
Wait. Over there!
991
01:22:23,837 --> 01:22:27,254
It's all the same, as there's none
both here nor there!
992
01:22:27,337 --> 01:22:30,254
But the chapel must be here
somewhere, it's the official map...
993
01:22:30,337 --> 01:22:34,129
-I think we should ask someone...
-But whom? -That's the question.
994
01:22:34,212 --> 01:22:39,504
This thing drives me insane...
Such funny names all over the place.
995
01:22:39,879 --> 01:22:42,004
Friends!
996
01:22:43,712 --> 01:22:46,295
They've sent us ahead
as reconnaissance patrol!
997
01:22:46,379 --> 01:22:49,337
They've given us up already!
They'll be shooting at us!
998
01:22:49,420 --> 01:22:52,504
In that case, we'll give
our lives for the Emperor!
999
01:22:52,587 --> 01:22:54,504
But what about my farm at home!
1000
01:22:54,587 --> 01:22:58,379
Wait a sec, we need to consider
where to go from here...
1001
01:22:58,462 --> 01:23:02,129
-I'd go along this little brook...
-Don't be silly!
1002
01:23:02,212 --> 01:23:04,879
There's no brook on this map!
1003
01:23:04,962 --> 01:23:08,629
Let's go back, pals!
1004
01:23:08,712 --> 01:23:12,462
Let's say there's no Feldstein,
that the HQ's made a mistake.
1005
01:23:12,545 --> 01:23:14,379
You keep your trap shut!
1006
01:23:14,462 --> 01:23:19,087
Look here, you've got a compass?
1007
01:23:21,337 --> 01:23:23,920
A map can be wrong.
1008
01:23:24,004 --> 01:23:26,795
The lieutenant said
we can't lose our way!
1009
01:23:26,879 --> 01:23:30,337
-So why should I climb a hill?
-Schweik, be reasonable!
1010
01:23:30,420 --> 01:23:34,920
If you insist, you go your way,
and I'll go mine!
1011
01:24:15,504 --> 01:24:18,795
Hey there, pal!
1012
01:24:22,379 --> 01:24:24,295
Wait for me!
1013
01:25:30,754 --> 01:25:35,004
Do you know how to build a railway?
Are you a Tatar?
1014
01:25:35,087 --> 01:25:38,212
No Tatar, Cherkessk!
1015
01:25:41,379 --> 01:25:44,337
Beg to report, Sir, I'm no engineer.
1016
01:25:44,420 --> 01:25:48,170
I'm the orderly of the 11th Company
of the 91st Regiment!
1017
01:25:48,254 --> 01:25:51,129
I've fallen into captivity
with our own forces.
1018
01:25:51,212 --> 01:25:54,129
-I know it's funny, but this is how it happened...
-You're a Czech?
1019
01:25:54,212 --> 01:25:57,670
-From Prague.
-Send him to gaol! And in isolation!
1020
01:25:57,754 --> 01:26:01,212
-But gents, I'm really no engineer!
-Have him court-martialled!
1021
01:26:16,670 --> 01:26:21,337
Such a comic story's happened
to me a short while ago.
1022
01:26:21,420 --> 01:26:24,212
I sentenced a teacher to death,
and issued the order
1023
01:26:24,295 --> 01:26:27,379
that he should be hanged
on the first tree in sight.
1024
01:26:27,462 --> 01:26:33,795
I'd quite forgotten we were amid
the steppe, not one tree anywhere.
1025
01:26:33,879 --> 01:26:36,295
But an order is an order.
1026
01:26:36,379 --> 01:26:39,795
So they took that teacher
and went to look for a tree.
1027
01:26:39,879 --> 01:26:42,004
They came back in the evening...
1028
01:26:42,087 --> 01:26:44,837
With the teacher!
1029
01:26:45,504 --> 01:26:52,045
Fortunately, this can't happen here,
there're trees under our windows.
1030
01:26:52,670 --> 01:26:56,420
Well, major-prosecutor,
let's start with the proceedings!
1031
01:26:56,504 --> 01:26:59,670
We've put one of our informers in
with the imprisoned Schweik.
1032
01:26:59,754 --> 01:27:02,712
It was quite easy for him to get
the information he's been to Kiev
1033
01:27:02,795 --> 01:27:06,004
and so we've got reliable
material at our disposal.
1034
01:27:06,087 --> 01:27:08,462
A clear case, prosecutor!
1035
01:27:08,545 --> 01:27:12,837
Congrats, you're lucky,
another execution!
1036
01:27:12,920 --> 01:27:17,129
Bring the convict in!
I mean... the accused!
1037
01:27:17,212 --> 01:27:18,754
And be quick about it!
1038
01:27:18,837 --> 01:27:20,837
The cook's sent me a message
1039
01:27:20,920 --> 01:27:24,129
that a kidney pie would be ready
at half past eleven.
1040
01:27:28,629 --> 01:27:32,420
You've betrayed our Emperor!
1041
01:27:32,504 --> 01:27:34,837
For heaven's sake, when?
1042
01:27:34,920 --> 01:27:41,170
I, a traitor of our grand Emperor
for whom I've suffered so much?
1043
01:27:41,254 --> 01:27:46,004
Stop the shenanigans!
Here's the proof of your guilt!
1044
01:27:46,087 --> 01:27:48,379
I'm asking you for the last time!
1045
01:27:48,462 --> 01:27:54,420
Did you dress in a Russian uniform
of your own will or under duress?
1046
01:27:54,504 --> 01:27:59,212
-Of my own free will!
-No duress? -None at all!
1047
01:27:59,295 --> 01:28:02,170
Are you aware you're damned?
1048
01:28:02,254 --> 01:28:05,670
All I'm aware of is they're looking
for me at the 91st Regiment.
1049
01:28:05,754 --> 01:28:08,545
And if you allow me, Major,
I'd like to make a minor remark
1050
01:28:08,629 --> 01:28:11,754
about what happens when people
put on somebody else's clothes.
1051
01:28:11,837 --> 01:28:14,712
I knew a book-binder, a certain
Božetèch from Prague...
1052
01:28:14,795 --> 01:28:18,379
-What name did you say?
-Božetèch.
1053
01:28:18,712 --> 01:28:24,254
Božetèch, Josef.
16, Pricna Street, Prague.
1054
01:28:24,337 --> 01:28:26,712
But I'm not sure he's still there,
1055
01:28:26,795 --> 01:28:32,920
because what I'm about to relate
to you happened in... 1908, I'd say.
1056
01:28:33,004 --> 01:28:35,420
The Prague police
will surely find him.
1057
01:28:35,504 --> 01:28:39,545
Enough, take him outside!
1058
01:28:40,295 --> 01:28:42,629
The court will consider the case.
1059
01:28:42,712 --> 01:28:45,837
I suggest
we wait with the judgement
1060
01:28:45,920 --> 01:28:49,587
till we hear from the 11th Company
of the 91st Regiment,
1061
01:28:49,670 --> 01:28:52,420
as the accused claims to be
a member of that Company.
1062
01:28:52,504 --> 01:28:55,212
I say, why wait?
The case is crystal clear.
1063
01:28:55,295 --> 01:28:59,170
Execute him, on my responsibility!
Auf meine eigene Verantwortung!
1064
01:28:59,254 --> 01:29:04,879
General, a conviction is the result
of certain investigations,
1065
01:29:04,962 --> 01:29:08,670
which attempt to connect
the threads of certain ties,
1066
01:29:08,754 --> 01:29:12,920
and it's these certain ties
which might lead us
1067
01:29:13,004 --> 01:29:16,254
to uncovering nets of spies...
1068
01:29:16,337 --> 01:29:21,045
No matter! Before the report
from the Brigade comes in,
1069
01:29:21,129 --> 01:29:26,504
the priest can prepare him anyways.
He's sure to hang!
1070
01:29:26,587 --> 01:29:32,004
Hurry up, gentlemen, a kidney pie
must be eaten while fresh...
1071
01:29:34,129 --> 01:29:38,295
Beg to report, Sir,
a wire from the Brigade!
1072
01:29:39,337 --> 01:29:44,795
Infantry private, Josef Schweik,
orderly of the 11th Company,
1073
01:29:44,879 --> 01:29:50,920
got lost on the 16th of this month,
while crossing to Chyrow-Feldstein.
1074
01:29:51,004 --> 01:29:57,087
-Didn't I tell you he's a rascal?!
-Get private Schweik to his unit!
1075
01:29:57,170 --> 01:30:00,212
You see? That's the result
of those "certain threads" of yours!
1076
01:30:01,254 --> 01:30:05,837
There's been many a trouble
because of such antlers.
1077
01:30:05,920 --> 01:30:09,087
Even the Archduke Ferdinand,
the one that got shot at Sarajevo...
1078
01:30:09,170 --> 01:30:11,379
Come in!
1079
01:30:17,670 --> 01:30:20,795
Man, what got into you?
1080
01:30:20,879 --> 01:30:25,587
To change into a Russian uniform
on the banks of some lake,
1081
01:30:25,670 --> 01:30:29,212
to let yourself get caught
and join a party of prisoners,
1082
01:30:29,295 --> 01:30:31,795
only an utter moron can do that!
1083
01:30:31,879 --> 01:30:36,837
Beg to report, Sir, I've noticed
sometimes I really am weak-minded.
1084
01:30:36,920 --> 01:30:38,670
Especially towards the evening...
1085
01:30:38,754 --> 01:30:41,795
Shut up, you lout! Abtreten!
1086
01:30:44,170 --> 01:30:47,462
For all I care, they can hang him
at the Brigade!
1087
01:31:02,629 --> 01:31:06,879
-Well, have you slaughtered him yet?
-He's hanging already, captain!
1088
01:31:06,962 --> 01:31:08,504
Will there be liver-sausages, too?
1089
01:31:08,587 --> 01:31:12,504
Everything as it should be, Sir!
Jurajda's mixing the stuffing!
1090
01:31:12,587 --> 01:31:14,712
Just wait and see!
1091
01:31:18,837 --> 01:31:25,337
-Jurajda, here're the casings!
-Have you washed them properly?
1092
01:31:35,004 --> 01:31:39,045
-Baloun, keep your fingers away!
-Let me just have a taste, friend!
1093
01:31:39,129 --> 01:31:40,712
A taste? I'll show you!
1094
01:31:40,795 --> 01:31:44,379
For heaven's sake, friends,
have a heart!
1095
01:31:44,462 --> 01:31:47,587
Take him away, but far, otherwise
he'll eat the whole officer's pig!
1096
01:31:47,670 --> 01:31:51,962
-Take him away!
-Quartermaster, let me just smell the stuffing!
1097
01:31:52,045 --> 01:31:57,920
-You can eat the skins, you rascal!
-For god's sake, let me, friends...
1098
01:32:01,420 --> 01:32:04,587
I say, Henry,
you're unlucky with your batman!
1099
01:32:04,670 --> 01:32:07,004
-They've already issued an order to arrest Schweik!
-You don't say!
1100
01:32:07,087 --> 01:32:10,504
I'm quite pleased.
That'll help me to get rid of him.
1101
01:32:10,587 --> 01:32:12,170
Gentlemen!
1102
01:32:12,254 --> 01:32:15,837
Beg to report, Sir, I'm here again!
1103
01:32:15,920 --> 01:32:19,295
Lord, he's here again!
1104
01:32:20,670 --> 01:32:24,254
Where've you been, you scoundrel?
1105
01:32:24,337 --> 01:32:27,004
Do you know that the battalion
has issued an order to arrest you?
1106
01:32:27,087 --> 01:32:30,545
Of course, they've proceeded quite
correctly, that was their duty,
1107
01:32:30,629 --> 01:32:34,295
it's no small matter when one of
the Emperor's soldiers goes missing.
1108
01:32:34,379 --> 01:32:36,420
I'll have to kick you, you beast!
1109
01:32:36,504 --> 01:32:38,920
Tell me, comprehensively,
what you've been up to again!
1110
01:32:39,004 --> 01:32:43,712
Beg to report, they wanted to shoot
me as a traitor to the Emperor!
1111
01:32:43,795 --> 01:32:47,295
For God's sake,
what are you saying?
1112
01:32:47,379 --> 01:32:49,629
Beg to report,
that wasn't the worst.
1113
01:32:49,712 --> 01:32:51,795
I didn't get my pay
the whole time!
1114
01:32:51,879 --> 01:32:54,920
You goddamned rascal!
1115
01:32:55,004 --> 01:32:58,962
You're lucky I don't want to spoil
my mood for the pig-slaughter feast!
1116
01:32:59,170 --> 01:33:01,295
Gents, let's go!
1117
01:33:01,379 --> 01:33:05,379
Schweik,
you misbehave one more time,
1118
01:33:05,462 --> 01:33:08,420
and that'll be the end of you!
1119
01:33:08,504 --> 01:33:13,962
Beg to report, when you're at war,
you've got to be prepared.
1120
01:33:14,045 --> 01:33:15,920
You should never be surprised.
1121
01:33:16,004 --> 01:33:18,504
Only yesterday, some general
wanted to have me executed!
1122
01:33:18,587 --> 01:33:23,337
-Why on earth didn't he?
-That's what I call fate, Sir!
1123
01:33:23,420 --> 01:33:28,004
What would you do without me?
And I without you?
1124
01:33:28,087 --> 01:33:31,462
Get out of my sight!
1125
01:33:33,754 --> 01:33:35,795
-Hey, look, he's alive!
-Hallo, lads!
1126
01:33:35,879 --> 01:33:39,879
-Where've you been wandering?
-Hey, Fatty! I've missed you!
1127
01:33:39,962 --> 01:33:42,212
A coffee with a shot of rum
will do you good!
1128
01:33:42,295 --> 01:33:46,087
And there'll be liver-sausages
and pork, you've come right on time!
1129
01:33:46,170 --> 01:33:49,795
I'm truly happy to be with my own
people again.
1130
01:33:49,879 --> 01:33:52,337
I don't know what you'd've done
if they'd held me up somewhere
1131
01:33:52,420 --> 01:33:55,920
and the war would've lasted
a couple more years longer.
1132
01:33:56,004 --> 01:33:59,295
Say, Schweik, how long do you think
this war is going to last?
1133
01:33:59,379 --> 01:34:02,212
-Fifteen years.
-How'd you figure that out?
1134
01:34:02,295 --> 01:34:03,754
It's obvious.
1135
01:34:03,837 --> 01:34:08,545
We've had a Thirty Years War,
today folks have twice more brains,
1136
01:34:08,629 --> 01:34:12,504
that means divide 30 by 2
and you'll get 15.
1137
01:34:13,462 --> 01:34:15,712
Halt! Get back!
1138
01:34:22,879 --> 01:34:26,795
Are you insane!
There're people here!
1139
01:34:34,212 --> 01:34:36,087
Follow me, gents!
1140
01:34:37,545 --> 01:34:39,462
Mother, help!
91177
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