All language subtitles for The Great North s04e10 A Chugs Life Adventure.eng

-? Look up there ?
-? What do you see? ?

? Nature and stuff ?

-? Like a rock ?
-? And a tree ?

? Oh, the Great North ?

? Way up here,
you can breathe the air ?

? Catch some fish ?

? Or gaze at a bear ?

? Wow ?

? Oh, the Great North ?

? Here we live, oh, oh ?

? Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ?

? From longest night
to longest day ?

? In the Great North. ?

[cheering]

I'm Diondra Tundra,
coming to you live

from the oldest bar
in Lone Moose,

the Toe in the Snow Tavern,

where people have been
hot-footing it in to sign up

for tomorrow night's annual

Chug n' Tug
family tug-of-war tournament.

I'm joined
by bar owner Pamela Suggs

and by the body part
that gives her bar its name.

Tell us about it, Pamela.

It was my great-great-great-
grandfather's toe.

He accidentally
chopped it off

when he was building this place.

He put it in a jar,

and it's been sitting
on the bar ever since.

(sighs) I love you, Pappy Suggs.

Well, there you have it.

Be sure to get a sitter
and designate a driver

because tomorrow night
Lone Moose cuts loose.

I am so stoked to enter
my first Chug n' Tug.

I've been doing throat-loosening
exercises all week.

By tomorrow night, I'll be able

to put anything
down this gullet.

A hammer, a... a big hammer.
You name it.

Please don't swallow a hammer,
son.

I'm excited, too.

I mean, I don't think we'll win
'cause apparently

Craig Ptarmigan's family's team
wins every year?

It's still gonna be fun, though.

The only thing that would
make it more special is

if the third family member
on our team was...

you, Father.
What do you say?

I say the same thing
I've said dozens of times. No.

I will be home
with Ham and Judy and Moon

doing our annual Hugs n' Rugs.

We clean the rugs,
we give each other hugs,

and the only loser
is loneliness.

-Right, kids?
-[kids] Ugh!

I'd be your third, Wolf,
but I'm banned,

just 'cause I used
the tug-of-war rope improperly

for an attempted strangulation
in 1957.

Come on, Dad, I'm begging you.

With you on our side,
we might even win!

You are great
at tugging things, Dad.

When our school bus broke down
on that field trip,

you tugged us all the way home.

Plus, Beef,
you could use a night out.

Let's get a little sloppy
and have some fun.

I put my sloppy days behind me
when I became a dad at 19.

While Kathleen continued
to live it up,

I took care of diaper changes,
feedings,

and emotional stability.

But to her credit,
she would occasionally

shout something supportive
from an adjoining room.

Okay, Beef, but I do think

every parent deserves a big
night out every now and then.

Oh, rest assured, Honeybee,
I had enough big nights

at that good old bar
to last a lifetime.

And after a few too many, if
this wonderful song came on--

Ooh! "The Humpty Hump"?

No, a sea shanty called
"Three Sad Wives."

Once I heard that,
all bets were off,

and I'd enter a state known as

-"the Dare Bear."
-[growling]

-? Dare Bear... ?
-And Craig Ptarmigan

would always goad
the Dare Bear to do

-really outrageous stuff.
-? Dare Bear, Dare Bear... ?

Heck, one time,
he offered me $700

to drink a shot
of that old toe juice.

But not even the Dare Bear
would take that bet.

-Just when I think
my dad can't get any radder. -Rad, indeed.

-? Dare Bear, Dare Bear... ?
-Anyway, then Wolf was born, and

the Dare Bear went
into hibernation forever.

-Damn it.
-Sorry, you two, but the only thing

this guy's gonna be chugging
tomorrow night

are
his parental responsibilities.

In that case, we'll go with
our second most logical option--

adopting my best bud Cheesecake
as our child.

I will not recognize Cheesecake,

your adult best friend,
as a family member.

Wow! That's your grandchild!

Well, Dad, since I'm gonna be
swamped with adoption paperwork,

could you at least drop off
our $200 entry fee

and entry form
with Pamela Suggs?

And also loan us, uh, $200?

-Sure thing, son.
-? Dare Bear! ?

-[school bell rings]
-[Kima] Judy, we've been over this.

I'm not going
to tape an iPad to my chest

and live stream tomorrow night's
kegger in the woods for you.

Me neither. Sorry, Ham,
but iPads look too boxy on me.

Well, we at least expect a photo
every 15 minutes

just to get us through
Rugging n' Hugging with our dad

while every other teen in town
is unsupervised and going wild.

Oh, hi. Wow. I didn't even
see you guys there.

You literally
just walked up to us.

Hey, Judy, quick question.

Is your dad gonna make you stay
home and vacuum tomorrow night

while the rest of us are
in the woods being cool?

No. Well, I mean,
factually, yes, but--

Yeah, I knew
you were gonna say that

because you're
just like a vacuum.

'Cause you suck.
[cackling]

Ugh! Everyone in school thinks

Ham and I are losers
who never party.

Honestly, guys,
the kegger hasn't been the same

since Doug De Luca got
emancipated and stopped coming.

He was the real party captain.

Now there's never
enough alcohol to go around.

Ugh. Doug De Luca
was such a legend.

I was at the party
where he was so wasted,

he drank a whole fish tank,

including the little plastic
treasure chest and all the fish.

-He pooped one out alive later!
-[belches]

And I heard, another time, he
got one of those hot tub limos,

and he did a cannonball
into it and almost drowned.

Well, I guess that kind
of debauchery is something

Judy and I were never
meant to know.

Ugh! Makes me so mad,
I'm going to open my locker

just so I can slam it. Uh...

Oh. Four. 17. Uh, 12?

Nope, nope.
Let me start over.

-[door opens]
-Whoa.

It's the Dare Bear himself.

I haven't seen you around here
in 20-odd years.

And I do mean odd.

I must say, Pamela, I love
what you've done with the place.

-Absolutely nothing.
-Ha!

How about a breakfast beer
for old time's sake?

Thanks, but they're called
old times for a reason.

I'm just here to drop off my son
Wolf's Chug n' Tug entry form.

Oh, good. I hope he enjoys it,
since it'll be the last one.

My cousin Burt-tholomew
started gambling again,

stole my savings, and now
I'm gonna... lose the bar.

-[crying]
-What? No.

-The Toe in the Snow
can't close. -Yup.

Looks like the Dare Bear's old
den ain't long for this world.

I've missed
three mortgage payments.

So if you want
to take home that chandelier

you loved to swing on,
then you better do it now.

Because in a few days,
it'll be property of the bank.

Exactly how deep
underwater are you?

A little over six grand.

You're the only person
I've told. So embarrassing.

You know the Suggs don't like
to ask for help.

When Grandpappy cut his toe off,

he put it in his pocket

and walked three miles
to the hospital.

Then, when he got there, he just
asked for a jar to put it in.

This is tugging
at my chug strings.

Damn it.

Pamela, I'm gonna save this bar.

It's time for me to put
your alcohol where my mouth is.

[laughing]
Whoa.

Here comes the airplane.

Open wide!

Oh! [laughs] Whoo!

You're really committing
to this baby thing, huh, Wolf?

Oh, this is actually
how I always feed Cheesecake.

None of my back teeth
ever came in.

Wolf, Honeybee,
important breaking news.

I have decided
to Chug n' Tug with you!

Chug-a-lug-a-ding-dong!

Aw. C-cake, I'm sorry, but this
means you're no longer my son.

[laughing]
It's not the first time I've heard that.

Kids, I apologize
for my sudden change of plans.

I know how much you all
look forward to Rugs n' Hugs.

-But we could reschedule.
-Please, no.

-No, thanks.
-Never!

Okay, Team Tobin,
we are gonna win this thing

and give the money to Pamela to
save the Toe in the Snow Tavern!

Oh, hell yeah! I'm finally

-gonna tug with my dad.
-Babe, no!

[Ham]
Okay, so now that our dad

has decided to finally
act like a normal parent

and get drunk, can you fill us
in on how we should act

at the kegger tonight?

Oh, my God,
it's the cast of Below Dork.

Before you keep
barfing out your words, Stacy,

you should know
that Judy and Ham are,

in fact, going out tonight.

Oh, are they coming
to study at the party?

And narc everybody out?

Actually, uh, you know what?

We're not even going
to that kegger, Stacy.

We're doing something
much cooler

that you aren't
even invited to do.

Ooh! Am I invited, Judy?

Yes, Ham. [laughs]

What? You're so funny today.
Remember

how we are all going
to do that thing

that will make us party legends
like Doug De Luca?

Because that is actually
who we are partying with.

-With Doug.
-Judy.

Nobody knows where Doug is.

Ooh, then I guess
we're not nobodies

'cause we do know where he is.

You're totally lying.

There's no way that Dougie D.
would hang out with you scabies.

Uh, yes, there is a way,

and we will send you the pics
to prove it.

-Oh, God.
-So have fun at your boring kegger for dweebs, Stace.

-[Stacy gasps]
-[Judy laughs]

-Judy, what the hell?!
-Did you see her face?

Oh, my God, she was so mad.

Um, we are also mad.

We do not know
where Doug De Luca is.

Last I heard, he and Jared Leto
were in Mykonos

writing a Joker musical.

Guys, don't be so negative.

If Dateline
has taught us anything,

it's that anyone can be found.

[Beef]
Farewell, children.

I've provided Aunt Dirt
with the Tobin Babysitter Bible,

so it should be
a seamless transition

in terms
of policies and procedures.

And as always,
I'll call to check in

every hour on the hour,

just like your mother's
old probation officer Jerrod.

-Mm-hmm.
-Oh, look. There's your ride.

-Oh, better get going.
-Bye-bye now. Goodbye. There you go. Bye-bye.

Not that we're anxious
for you to leave.

We'd love for you to stay, uh,

-so if you want to stay,
just say the word. -Ham!

I-I mean, get out of here, Dad!
Now!

-Ham!
-I don't know what's going on here,

but Londra's waiting,
so let's go.

Okay, guys,
the coast is clear!

[Dirt]
Oh, I see.

Moon and I were planning
to use the laundry basket

to sled off the roof,

but if you've got something
better cooking,

we'll take a flyer on it.

-Well, if you must know--
-We must.

We're gonna find party legend
Doug De Luca

and then party
with him legendarily.

The only problem is,
we have no idea where he is.

Well, I knew a Chester De Luca
in my day,

and I'm guessing
he's Doug's grandfather,

'cause Chester
was also a party legend.

He made Cary Grant look
like Jimmy Stewart,

-if you know what I mean.
-We do not.

It's not my fault you're dumb.

Now, Chester had
an underground speakeasy.

I bet Doug's party is there.
I still know the password.

It's showing your boobs.

-Yeesh.
-Relax, Polly Prudebottom.

I'm happy to show mine.

They're a little long,
but they're going strong.

Judy, you might have to help me
hold them up to the peephole.

-Can do.
-Great. I'll make us all some Van-hattans

in a travel flask.

-Moon, you're driving.
-Uh, he's ten.

Come on, Ham,
you know I can drive.

-Yup. You're the best driver
in the family. -Let's boogie.

[Beef]
Yeah.

Okay, here we go. The Big Dance.

Holy Hoobastank, Dad!
Someone carved

"Don't poke the Dare Bear"
on this table.

Yes, I had quite a following
back in the day.

So cool.

[Pamela]
Good evening, tuggers!

-[whooping, cheering]
-[Beef] Good evening.

We've got last year's champions,

the Ptuggin' Ptarmigan family,
in the house.

-[all booing]
-Yeah. We eat boos for breakfast

and wash 'em down with these.

You like that? You like that?

You're going down, Ptarmigans!

We're gonna murder
each and every one of you!

[patrons gasping]

-Babe.
-Sorry, I-I got carried away.

But first up, it's the Tobin
Family Tobler-ropes

versus the Evanoff Evan-knots.

Hey, Duane. Nice to see you.

You're all going down, too, FYI.

-[bell rings]
-Chug!

-[grunts, gasps]
-Dad, what's wrong?

I don't remember how to chug.

Don't think and don't savor,
just swallow.

Finish it all in one gulp.

[gulping]

[belches, chuckles]

And tug.

[grunting]

On my honor!

[cheering, applause]

-[whooping]
-[clears throat]

Let's keep our composure.

We have many ropes to travel.

Oh, I get it. What a perfect
front for a speakeasy.

-[laughs] Classic.
-[Judy] It's not a front, Ham.

-The speakeasy's gone.
-And I may have

a few outstanding warrants,

and our designated driver's
a ten-year-old,

so let's not cool our heels
here too long.

Okay, but where
are we supposed to go?

That was our only Doug lead.

Well, I guess we could
go talk to Chester.

-Ask him where his grandson is.
-Wait, Chester is alive?

Yeah, I ran into him last week.

My dealer Morty
lives at his retirement home.

Wait, what kind of dealer?

Uh, blackjack, butt crack.

We're not paying you
to ask questions.

-You're not paying me.
-Even better.

[Pamela]
Next up,

the Tobin Family Tobler-ropes

versus Alyson and her
Sisterhood of the Tugging Pants.

Does Alyson have two
incredibly large, hot sisters?

[Wolf]
Oh, yeah. Madison and Wisconsin.

They're in town from Portland.

They're super nice. So large.

-[bell rings]
-Chug...

...and tug!

[grunting]

Uh-oh. I'm a little distracted

by those double dreamboats
over there.

The phrase "smother me"

-keeps popping into my head.
-Use it.

Pull those giant Alysons
into your arms, Dad.

-[Beef grunts]
-[cheering]

-Woo-hoo!
-Bring on the next beer.

Oh, gosh, I just realized

I haven't phoned the kids
once yet.

Don't worry, Dad,
I'll text them for you.

I have their numbers.
We text all the time.

[laughs] Incredible.

Hey, maybe we should do
a few shots?

You sure about that, Dad?
I mean, what about focusing?

Oh, come on, son,
I may not be The Dare Bear,

but you don't want to be
a Square Bear.

-If you insist.
-That's the spirit, Mr. T.

I pity the fool that doesn't
want to do shots with you.

We're down to the Final Four.

It's the Tobin Family
Tobler-ropes

versus the Tug-tleys.

-[bell rings]
-And chug!

[belches]

Well, ex-squeeze me.

I love drunk Beef.

Give him another shot, Pam.

Gladly. You still got it, Beef.

Now get your asses on the rope.

Okay, but wait, wait,
wait, wait. Wait.

Wait. I love you guys.

Well, we love you, too, Dad,
but we got to tug now.

You got to tug now. Whee...

-Ooh, chandelier.
-Plenty of time for that later, fella.

Got to save the bar.

-Chug!
-Uh-oh, gonna... oh.

Dad, no.

Don't worry.
I can pull from down here.

I love you guys.

[grunts]

-[cheering, applause]
-Yes!

Shots for everybody, on me.

[Chester]
Okay.

Who wanted to see me? Oh, you?

What are you doing here?

Morty's in jail. They got him.

I'm not here for that.
We're looking for your grandson.

These kids want to party.

Oh, uh, last I heard,

he was living on a houseboat
at the marina.

A party boat? Oh, hell yeah.

You guys want a real party,
stick around.

The nurse fell asleep again.
We got everything.

Eh, I'm gonna stick
with these losers for now,

but I'll circle back
for the after-party.

Later, Chester.

Don't let my back door
hit you on the way out.

-[farts]
-Oh!

Huh.

Maybe this is the boat
that takes us to his party boat?

Oh, or maybe this
is a freaky party

where the lights are all out and
the first person to make a sound

has to drink an entire bottle
of Chardonnay.

Bow-bow-bo-bow.

Are you trying to do
an air horn?

Yeah. Bam-bada-bam-berr!

Okay, that's like a fanfare,
that's not even--

Kids, can we go inside?

Toot-toot, Doug. Party patrol.

? Doug! ?

-Hello.
-Doug. There he is.

I mean, there you are.

Lone Moose legend alert.
Let's party.

Where do you keep
your beer bongs,

'cause Mama came to rage.
[chuckles]

Sorry, we've been
looking for you all night.

We're here to become
party legends

at your awesome party,
so let's go.

We just want to get in on
whatever you're doing tonight.

Oh, great. Come on in.

? Let's get crazy. ?

Doug, um, would you
eat a Meat-a-Roni ever?

Uh, what's the savings?

-35 cents.
-Oh, yeah.

-That's a keeper.
-What about dog food?

Oh, definitely.
I call it "Doug Food."

So, how's the emancipated life
treating you, Doug?

Lot of freedom?
Lot of good times?

Uh, I'm kind of too busy
for good times.

I work two jobs and my houseboat
needs a new bilge pump.

How's things at school?
They still got classes?

Doug, do you have any alcohol?

I'd really love to not feel
this way anymore.

Oh, no, alcohol
is way too expensive for me now.

But I have some friends
just down the dock

if you want to go visit them.

That sounds like a party.
Let's go.

Could I, uh, use
your bathroom first?

Sure. It's that jar.

-We can all turn around.
-Never mind.

I'm never going
to the bathroom again. Let's go.

-[Pamela] And...
-[bell rings]

-...chug!
-[gulping]

[whoops] I can't believe
it took me this long

to remember how much fun it is
to have this much fun.

That's great, Dad.

But what do you say
we buckle down

for a quick sec and get serious?

W-We're in the finals against
Craig and his fellow Ptarmigans.

You're going down, Tobin.

You're going down Tobin.
I'm gonna kick your ass, Beef.

[chuckles]
I don't think you are, Beef.

Or should I say

-Dare Bear?
-[jukebox playing]

? Three sad wives... ?

Time to boogie, Beef.

Uh, Dad, don't listen.

[muffled] Put, uh, uh...
let's put candles in his ears.

? The second wife
was a freckled lass ?

? She choked to death
on the bone of a bass ?

? Three sad wives... ?

And tug!

Dad, we need you on the rope.
We got to save the bar.

Beef, I'm giving you
ten seconds.

-[Honeybee] Beef!
-[Wolf] Dang it!

Get back on the rope.

[scatting]

Three, two, one.

And the Ptarmigans win.

? The third wife
was a frowning gal ?

? So she stuck her head
in a fishing pail ?

? Three sad wives. ?

[lively chatter]

-This is bad.
-Oh, I don't know.

He seems to be taking
losing pretty well.

I mean, sure,
he's, like, nine beers in

and having the time of his life,
but trust me,

in the morning, he is gonna be
hella pissed at himself.

He's never gonna let himself
have fun again.

-[people chanting] Dare Bare!
-Oh, man. What's he doing now?

-Dare Bear!
-You asked for it.

-[screams]
-? Dare Bear! ?

Scroungey,

Stubby, Two-legs.

Daddy's here. [kissing]
Come eat.

-Now it's a party.
-Is it?

Sometimes I feed them like this.

It helps build trust.

-I wish I had teats.
-Oh, geez,

I'm just realizing
what time it is,

and that we simply must go
because we are, um...

reverse-Draculas,
which means that we're allergic

to the nighttime,
so we have to go,

-but let me just snap
a quick pic real quick. -All right, cool.

This is one of those times
I never want to forget.

Okay, everyone looks great,
bye-bye.

Hey, come back.

I still have 45 minutes
till my shift

at the medical waste
rendering depot.

Let's go home
and clean those rugs, okay?

And I sure wouldn't mind a hug.

98, 99, 100.

[laughs]

[grunts, whoops]

I think he's done enough dares
for one night.

Let's try to get him home.

We could be looking at a full
Beef Melt when he sobers up

and it really sinks in
that he didn't save the bar.

But, hon, I got to say,
I don't think this is really...

-about the bar?
-What do you mean?

You guys might not be able
to see it 'cause he's your dad,

but I think Beef actually
wanted to cut loose tonight.

The Chug n' Tug was just,
like, an excuse.

He doesn't care that much
about this old bar

except it's the last time
he was his old self.

[Wolf]
Oh, gosh.

Wow, yeah.

Huh. So, what do we do?

Well, I think we save the bar
and the Dare Bear.

Maybe your dad
doesn't need to leave.

Maybe he needs to stay here
so we can poke the guy

who loved to poke the Dare Bear.

? Dare bear! ?

-[groaning]
-[Judy] There he is.

-He's back, baby.
-[chuckles] Sorry, Dad,

we had to put you in the bathtub
in case you puked.

You asked to be put to sea,
but this seemed safer.

Oh, no. It's coming back to me.

The bar.
I didn't save it, did I?

And I-I danced. And sang?

-You want some coffee?
-Coffee will not remove

the foul taste that comes from
making a fool of myself.

You want me to pistol-whip you?

That's how we cured hangovers
in the '50s.

No, I'll just lie here in
my shame and regret, thank you.

What shame and regret, Beef?
You did it.

-Did what?
-You saved the bar.

I mean, you didn't,
but the Dare Bear did.

Wait, what?
What did that lunatic do?

That crazy little cub
took a $6,000 dare

from Craig Ptarmigan.

Oh, no. Did we do
a Cage-Travolta style Face/Off?

No, it was more of an In/Face.

[people chanting]
Chug, chug, chug!

Dear Lord. I didn't.

You did. You swallowed the toe.

-Did I throw up?
-Nope. But I did.

Oh, might again right now
just thinking about it.

Then Craig gave you the cash,
and you gave it to Pamela.

She was incredibly grateful.

But she would also like
Pappy Suggs's toe back

when you're, uh, done with it?

Good lord. I mean,
I'm glad I saved the bar,

but you guys must be
very embarrassed of me.

Hell no, Dad. It was great
to see you having that much fun.

Beef Tobin,
Lone Moose party legend.

Beep-beep-bop-berr.

What sound are you making, Judy?

It's the party air horn.

-Bam-beep-bop-berr.
-Ugh, sure.

And everything worked out
just like you wanted.

So maybe you shouldn't feel like

you have to be in control
all the time?

Yeah, I wouldn't mind
hanging out

with the Dare Bear
now and again.

I got to admit,
other than a pounding headache

and the fact that I have
an ancient man's toe

in my stomach,
I had a wonderful night.

By the way, how did we get home?

We picked you up on our way
back from the docks.

Oh, great.
Wait, why were you at the docks?

[shushes]
You just rest now, Father.

[Beef] ? All right, stop whatcha
doin' 'cause I'm about ?

? To ruin the image and
the style that ya used to ?

? I look funny ?

? But, yo, I'm makin' money,
see ?

? So, yo, world,
I hope you're ready for me ?

? Now gather round,
I'm the new fool in town ?

? And my sound's laid down
by the Underground ?

? I drink up all the Hennessy
you got on ya shelf ?

? So just let me
introduce myself ?

? My name is Humpty,
pronounced with a "umpty" ?

-? Yo, ladies,
oh, how I like to ? -[horn honks]

? The Humpty Dance
is your chance ?

? To do the Hump, come on ?

[laughing] ? Dare Bear,
do the Humpty Hump ?

? Dare Bear,
do the Humpty Hump. ?

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