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1
00:00:41,799 --> 00:00:43,520
So? How'd it go last night?
2
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:47,520
We drove up to Chester's Peak and
spent the whole night under the stars.
3
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:51,079
You gotta lock this man down, Brenda!
No offense, but you're Sam Goody.
4
00:00:51,079 --> 00:00:52,479
He's Tower Records.
5
00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:58,439
Oh, my God, we're taking it slow, Kate!
And I've got my entire life ahead of me.
6
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:02,479
Brenda Cokono, will you make me
the luckiest man in the whole world?
7
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:09,840
Oh, my God!
8
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:37,000
Many moons ago, the bureaucrats in city
hall thought it wise
9
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,319
to deprive our great city
of its one and only mall.
10
00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:43,719
Once upon a time, our youth were filled
with dreams and promise
11
00:01:43,719 --> 00:01:45,840
but we forced them out of the food courts,
12
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,480
arcades and toy stores right
into the hands
13
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:52,319
of the mohawked, switchblade-wielding
gangs that awaited just outside!
14
00:01:52,319 --> 00:01:57,280
"Don't re-open this mall!" They said.
"It's haunted!" They said.
15
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,519
Well, a new day rises.
16
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:03,319
And under my leadership,
we re-open these doors and give back
17
00:02:03,319 --> 00:02:08,199
to the citizens of Bakersfield
the mall they so rightly deserve.
18
00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:14,680
I will now cut the ceremonial ribbon
with these novelty scissors,
19
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,319
which can be purchased
at the new Novelty Scissors store
20
00:02:17,319 --> 00:02:19,280
located on the second floor.
21
00:02:38,879 --> 00:02:41,000
Come on, hon!
Our hibachi tables awaits!
22
00:02:41,319 --> 00:02:44,639
Trust me, you do not want
to disrespect the Japanese.
23
00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:46,039
Get me a to go box!
24
00:02:46,039 --> 00:02:49,280
Well, well. What'a we have here?
25
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:53,400
Not a great idea to walk these streets
alone, grandpa.
26
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:56,840
Lucky for you, my buddies'n I
got a nice cold six pack
27
00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:01,199
back at our gang headquarters.
You ever had a beer before, tough guy?
28
00:03:01,199 --> 00:03:03,840
- Yes?
- Stebe, it's our anniversary!
29
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:07,439
And I thank you for the invitation,
but I respectfully decline.
30
00:03:07,439 --> 00:03:11,759
Oh, no, see, that's a bad move.
Cause that'd make you our enemy.
31
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,360
You don't wanna be our enemy now,
do ya'?
32
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,479
No?
33
00:03:15,479 --> 00:03:17,759
Stebe Hornsby, you get inside
this mall right now!
34
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,800
- Who was that you were talking to?
- No one! A friend!
35
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,800
Look at this place! A Vitamin Shop
right next to a shoe store!?
36
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:35,039
A store that only sells hats?! I love you
so much! Get the F out of here!
37
00:03:35,039 --> 00:03:37,719
- Excuse me, mister.
- Not you, silly. Those.
38
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,960
Stebe, I know you would rather be couped
up at home, but this is our special day.
39
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,479
Yeah, maybe you're right.
40
00:03:46,479 --> 00:03:51,400
You know me, I'm a thrill seeker.
Look! An escalator!
41
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,159
- Stebe, what's wrong?
- Nothing. Maybe we take the stairs.
42
00:04:00,159 --> 00:04:04,039
What? Why?
Look, it's easy. I'll show you.
43
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:13,960
Now it's your turn!
44
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,480
I don't wanna ride the fucking escalator,
okay?! God!
45
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,600
Just one thing after another with you!
I'll meet you at the restaurant! God!
46
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:29,000
Looks like the mall is re-opened
and I'm on my way to re-election.
47
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,800
Ms. Mayor, we have to shut down
the mall now!
48
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,160
These electromagnetic waves
49
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,959
are forecasting an unprecedented spike
in paranormal activity!
50
00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:38,680
Officer Smith, meet Doctor Richards.
51
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,240
The mall's lead scientist and a real pain
in my you know what.
52
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,000
Sorry, but this mall stays open!
53
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,600
I've been a student of science
all my life, Mayor.
54
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,839
Science, science, science!
That's all I ever hear from you!
55
00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:54,279
And I will not stand idly as you put these
good citizens in harms way! Oh, yeah!
56
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,160
We're all doomed!
Doomed, Jerry, doomed!
57
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:08,120
Hey! What happened
to the Tower Records?
58
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,959
I'm trying to return this piece
of sell-out trash!
59
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:22,160
Alright, I get it, you don't want to give
me my money back. Fine, I'm outta here.
60
00:05:22,879 --> 00:05:28,759
Leave. Leave this mall as soon as you can.
It's not safe here.
61
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:33,079
And whatever you do,
do not take the escalator...
62
00:05:33,079 --> 00:05:36,720
Let go of me, perv! What are you,
my eighth grade piano teacher?
63
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,879
Welcome to Hibachi Chachi's!
64
00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:42,439
I may not be authentically Japanese,
but I can assure you I'm a pro.
65
00:05:43,319 --> 00:05:46,399
It's not that you're not Japanese.
Although that is a bit of a bummer.
66
00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:47,920
It's my husband, Stebe.
67
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,759
I just wish he'd embrace some
of the things I like for once.
68
00:05:50,759 --> 00:05:56,839
I once was in love too, but master Ichiro
Makimoto ground my soul to bits over years
69
00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:01,279
of intense, relentless hibachi training,
making my heart grow cold.
70
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,079
There you are!
71
00:06:06,079 --> 00:06:08,600
Welcome to Hibachi Chachi's,
my name's Phil.
72
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,680
- Phil, huh? Doesn't sound very authentic.
- Dude!
73
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,920
Welcome to Build-A-Dillo!
What can I help you create today?
74
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,759
But make it quick,
we are swamped!
75
00:06:18,759 --> 00:06:19,959
I'm picking...
76
00:06:19,959 --> 00:06:22,199
And for the last time no
aardvarks or anteaters!
77
00:06:22,199 --> 00:06:24,959
I'm picking up an advance order.
Under Matt Hornsby?
78
00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:27,160
You're going to need to be more
specific, kid. We're backed up here.
79
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,920
- What's the name on the 'Dillo?
- Matt Hornsby.
80
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:33,199
When I tried to take out a loan from the
bank for a customizable armadillo store,
81
00:06:33,199 --> 00:06:35,279
they laughed at me.
Can you believe that?
82
00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:37,600
I'm just hoping I can get through this
rush in the next few weeks
83
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,079
so I can finally get some downtime.
84
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:42,800
- Sorry! What's the name?
- Matt Hornsby.
85
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,160
Got it. Alright, just gotta find it here
on this long list of 'Dillo orders.
86
00:06:47,519 --> 00:06:49,720
Everybody loves the idea.
87
00:06:51,639 --> 00:06:53,759
You know my dad
isn't even talking to me anymore?
88
00:06:53,759 --> 00:06:56,639
Doesn't like that I'm in the 'Dillo biz.
Anyway, what's the name?
89
00:06:56,639 --> 00:06:57,720
Matt Hornsby!
90
00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,639
One of the new guys must have forgot
to put your name down.
91
00:07:00,639 --> 00:07:02,639
Let me see what I can find in the back.
92
00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:06,040
A big time Hollywood producer
came in here earlier and said he wants
93
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,120
to write a film trilogy about me and this
whole 'Dillo craze.
94
00:07:10,879 --> 00:07:13,000
Anyway, I'll check on that 'Dillo for ya.
95
00:07:17,519 --> 00:07:20,759
Alright. Holsby, Holsby.
Where is Holsby?
96
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,720
Where are you?
And we've got a sale.
97
00:07:27,519 --> 00:07:30,639
What the...
Probably nothing.
98
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,879
What was that?
99
00:07:35,399 --> 00:07:37,199
Eyes and ears are playing tricks on me.
100
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,879
What? What the... Oh, no!
101
00:07:40,279 --> 00:07:43,160
- I feel like I'm in heaven!
- Oh, yeah.
102
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,879
Oh, yeah, it's really getting in there.
103
00:07:50,639 --> 00:07:54,519
- Barb, it's got me.
- It's almost a little too much.
104
00:07:54,519 --> 00:07:56,959
- Barb, help!
- Craig!
105
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:01,319
No! Oh, no!
106
00:08:08,199 --> 00:08:10,759
I have your 'Dillo, Cornsby.
107
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,440
What is it now?!
108
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:58,919
Keep shopping! I won't let you peasants
take this away from me!
109
00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:36,399
It has begun.
110
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,679
Stebe, I can not believe you let him toss
that shrimp in your pocket.
111
00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:49,799
Who are you and where's
the man I married?
112
00:09:50,279 --> 00:09:53,159
Yeah, you were right. Sorry if
I've been acting like a wet blanket.
113
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:56,320
It's okay, honey.
I just want tonight to be special.
114
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:58,360
You know, have a little
excitement in our lives.
115
00:10:02,879 --> 00:10:05,440
- Oh, my God!
- Relax. This has to be part of his show.
116
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,720
I bet he has beef in his pocket
and this is how he cooks it.
117
00:10:14,399 --> 00:10:16,200
He's really selling it, huh?!
118
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,360
Oh, God! I don't think
this is part of the show!
119
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,000
We've got to get out of here!
120
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,399
Oh, my God!
121
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,559
I knew this place wasn't
authentically Japanese!
122
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,679
Stebe, slow down! You know what exotic
foods do to your stomach!
123
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,399
Oh, my God!
124
00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:53,200
I know there's been some concerns
125
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:57,159
about the recent slew of deaths here
at the mall. And I share your concerns.
126
00:10:57,159 --> 00:11:00,519
Every life is precious.
I'm always saying that, ask anyone.
127
00:11:00,519 --> 00:11:04,000
But I can assure you that this
mall is perfectly safe.
128
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,960
Do you think I am the type of Mayor
who would reopen a mall
129
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,279
if I had been given information
that it wasn't safe?
130
00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:14,840
I am the type of Mayor who reopens
the mall and everyone loves me for it!
131
00:11:15,879 --> 00:11:20,279
Please, go back to shopping as usual.
Everything is fine, trust me.
132
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:23,679
This is a great, historic day.
So have fun!
133
00:11:26,879 --> 00:11:28,240
What?
134
00:11:28,799 --> 00:11:30,799
Oh, shit. Oh, god!
135
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,559
I used to be the manager
of Tower Records.
136
00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,159
I was getting enough money to move out,
making minimum wage;
137
00:11:38,159 --> 00:11:40,879
$7.25 back then,
which was pretty good,
138
00:11:40,879 --> 00:11:44,440
but then the accident happened.
139
00:11:44,879 --> 00:11:48,960
A young girl got eaten alive
by the first floor escalator.
140
00:11:49,639 --> 00:11:52,679
And the mall got shut down
for maintenance. It was a boring time,
141
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:57,360
but I went into Spender's Gifts
and that's when I found this.
142
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:02,919
-"Ten Thousand Jokes About Weiners?"
- Oh, no. Not that one. This one.
143
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,759
At first, when I dabbled a bit,
nothing really happened,
144
00:12:08,759 --> 00:12:14,639
but then one night something
horrible occurred.
145
00:12:27,159 --> 00:12:29,360
A portal to the netherworld opened.
146
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:37,080
And the spirit of that girl who was eaten
by the escalator was released.
147
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:48,120
And she's been haunting
this mall ever since.
148
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,279
So, how brown do you want your panini?
149
00:12:52,279 --> 00:12:56,559
The Tio Pepe Panini Press gets it
perfect, every time!
150
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,360
Oh, shit, you live here, huh?
151
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,440
We need to have our heads on a swivel.
152
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,639
Be on the lookout for anything out
of the ordinary.
153
00:13:25,279 --> 00:13:26,879
Oh, no!
154
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,320
We have to save ourselves!
Come on!
155
00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:43,000
Stebe, you usually don't even like to make
eye contact with a place like this.
156
00:13:52,519 --> 00:13:55,240
Well, I've had just about
enough of this stuff.
157
00:13:56,919 --> 00:14:01,159
I've got 99 problems, and this mall
just became top of the list.
158
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:04,840
Oh, Stebe?!
159
00:14:18,879 --> 00:14:20,080
Why?
160
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,600
Deb, please! Help me.
161
00:14:30,399 --> 00:14:33,480
I hope you like your beef... well done.
162
00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:00,480
Told you you were running too fast.
163
00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:11,080
Stebe, I've never seen you take charge
like this. Do you know something I don't?
164
00:15:27,799 --> 00:15:30,000
- Damn it, we're trapped.
- What up, limp dicks!
165
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,120
Theo! Oh, thank God. You're never going
to believe it, but this mall is...
166
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,159
Haunted? Yeah, no shit, dude.
Tell them what you told me, pervert.
167
00:15:36,159 --> 00:15:38,279
Oh, the weiner joke about
the masturbating cow?
168
00:15:38,279 --> 00:15:39,840
What? No!
169
00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:50,480
You fucked with the wrong mall!
170
00:15:52,279 --> 00:15:53,440
- Oh, God!
- Stebe, help!
171
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,600
Let her go!
Killing her won't win me back!
172
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:01,159
I barely knew you! We went out one time
because you wouldn't leave me alone!
173
00:16:01,159 --> 00:16:03,000
Stebe, you know this escalator?
174
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,240
Before I met you, I proposed
to someone else, okay?
175
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,120
Right here at this mall. She was
so overcome with emotion
176
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,279
that she accidentally got eaten alive
by the escalator.
177
00:16:10,279 --> 00:16:12,840
You were just some creepy guy who sat
by himself at the food court
178
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,519
watching me eat
lunch on my break.
179
00:16:14,519 --> 00:16:16,480
You proposed to someone else?!
180
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,960
It was a long time ago.
I thought she was the one!
181
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,960
You told me I was your one and only!
182
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,519
Well, forgive me for being
such a hot commodity!
183
00:16:23,519 --> 00:16:25,440
That is such bullshit, Stebe!
184
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,919
Or maybe I wasn't the second choice.
Who knows where I am on the list.
185
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,000
- Deb!
- Get... get off me!
186
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:40,759
No!
187
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:48,120
Brenda, I'm sorry, okay? I know you
weren't expecting me to propose that day.
188
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,039
You're right,
we barely knew each other.
189
00:16:52,799 --> 00:16:56,720
I guess I just really wanted to be in
love. And I felt bad for a long time,
190
00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:01,399
but the truth is if you hadn't gotten
mutilated by this faulty escalator,
191
00:17:01,399 --> 00:17:04,759
well... then I never would have
met the true love of my life, Deb!
192
00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:06,759
Oh, you mean your second choice?
193
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,279
Maybe if I'd have known that,
I would have said, no!
194
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,720
Stebe, that's it!
That's my unfinished business.
195
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,400
I never got to answer
your question.
196
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,759
Brenda Kokono, will you make me
the luckiest man in the whole world?
197
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,359
No!
198
00:17:41,319 --> 00:17:46,960
No, Stebe, I will not, and nor would I
ever under any circumstances, marry you.
199
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,480
Yeah!
200
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,240
No one turns down a marriage
proposal from my husband!
201
00:18:22,759 --> 00:18:24,359
Oh my, you hate to see that.
202
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,960
Happy anniversary, babe.
203
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,079
Wow, that was pretty messed up.
Seemed a little unnecessary.
204
00:18:31,079 --> 00:18:33,680
Okay, sure,
happy anniversary.
205
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,640
Well, old-timer, I guess this is where
our wild ride comes to an end.
206
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:46,359
There is just one more piece of
unfinished business to take care of.
207
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:52,440
I used to be the manager
of Tower Records.
208
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,279
Man. You're a real fucking
weirdo, you know that?
209
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,119
Well, I'm just glad it's all
over and everyone is okay.
210
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,519
Well, well, look who it is.
211
00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:28,039
Was wondering if you were gonna show
your face around here again.
212
00:19:28,039 --> 00:19:30,599
You reconsider my offer on that beer?
213
00:19:30,599 --> 00:19:34,200
Tellin' ya, my fellow gang members would
love to make your acquaintance.
214
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:37,680
I'm sorry, sir. I'm very flattered,
but I'm already in a gang.
215
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,960
And that gang
is called my family.
216
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:50,960
Hey! I built this 'dillo for you
guys, for your anniversary.
217
00:19:53,079 --> 00:19:55,519
That's actually very sweet.
218
00:19:55,519 --> 00:19:59,359
Yeah, I'm actually finding it very
difficult to be angry about this, so...
219
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,279
Thank you.
220
00:20:01,329 --> 00:20:05,879
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