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1
00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:02,602
(JINGLE PLAYING)
2
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,371
♪ Every time I zig, you zag
3
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:07,674
♪ I like coffee,
tea's your bag
4
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,743
♪ Though it makes no sense,
it's true
5
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:12,012
♪ There's no me without you ♪
6
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:17,717
{\an8}JOY: 'Til Death
is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
7
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:20,387
{\an8}Here you go.
Your regular,
meatball sandwich.
8
00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:24,924
{\an8}Extra sauce, extra cheese,
with a light dusting
of crumbled bacon.
9
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:26,059
{\an8}Here's to your health.
10
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:27,827
{\an8}(CHUCKLES)
11
00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:29,963
{\an8}You know, funny story
how bacon got invited
to this party.
12
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,297
{\an8}Yeah, I heard it.
13
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:32,599
{\an8}No, no, no. I have
to tell you this.
14
00:00:32,665 --> 00:00:35,702
{\an8}It was about 10 years ago.
I was at this very table
15
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:40,073
{\an8}and I had some bacon
stuck in my teeth
from breakfast.
16
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,208
{\an8}I bite into
the sandwich
17
00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:46,813
{\an8}and all of a sudden
these two meats are
making love inside my mouth.
18
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,816
{\an8}And they bore
a child named Yum.
19
00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:54,554
{\an8}(LAUGHING)
20
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:58,491
{\an8}Uh-huh. Well, it's about time
my mouth made love
with some nicotine gum.
21
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:01,561
{\an8}(LAUGHING)
22
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:06,833
{\an8}Oh. Wow. Oh.
23
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:11,805
{\an8}Oh, boy. Too much cheese.
24
00:01:13,706 --> 00:01:14,874
{\an8}Darn.
25
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:20,914
{\an8}Eddie!
26
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:24,184
{\an8}(LAUGHS)
27
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,288
{\an8}Kenny. What are
you doing here?
28
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:31,157
{\an8}Living, loving,
getting my sandwich on.
29
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,227
{\an8}Sit down. Sit down!
30
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:38,698
{\an8}Did anyone see
you come in here?
31
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,901
{\an8}There was a homeless guy
outside with his raincoat
tucked into his pants.
32
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:46,840
{\an8}I'm talking
about someone
we know, or Joy.
33
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,842
{\an8}Why are you all wiggy, man?
34
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:52,245
{\an8}I'm not wiggy.
Why do you think I'm wiggy?
What am I doing that's wiggy?
35
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:56,216
{\an8}You're squeezing that
sandwich so hard,
you just lost a ball.
36
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,186
{\an8}What's going on
with you, man?
37
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:04,090
{\an8}Wait a minute.
Are you tapping
the meatball lady?
38
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,260
{\an8}No!
39
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:08,928
{\an8}Probably smart.
She looks like she would
talk a lot in the sack.
40
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,297
{\an8}What's going on, man?
41
00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:12,632
{\an8}All right, look,
here's the thing.
42
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,367
{\an8}For about 20 years,
I've been coming in here
43
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:17,804
{\an8}and getting
meatball sandwiches,
but I've never told Joy.
44
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,672
What? Is she on you about
cholesterol and stuff?
45
00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:21,007
Cholesterol? Please.
46
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:24,110
I've seen that woman spread
cold gravy on a cupcake.
47
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,547
(EXHALES)
48
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,355
It was early on
in our marriage. I was out
running a bunch of errands
49
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:37,490
and then I ended
up coming in here.
50
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,360
When I got home later,
I told Joy everything I did,
51
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:43,663
but for some reason,
I never told her
about the sandwich.
52
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,032
Was it wrong? Yes.
53
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:50,537
Did it make me feel
better than I've ever
felt in my entire life?
54
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,772
You bet your
sweet black ass.
55
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:05,185
I understand.
You get yourself
secret meatballs.
56
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,320
Every man needs
a secret meatball.
57
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,990
Yes. Yes, we do!
And this is the only thing
left in our relationship
58
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,126
that is all mine.
59
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,563
Mmm-hmm. It gives you
a chance to reconnect
with an old friend. You.
60
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:18,364
Well, that's...
61
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:19,666
Now, listen, listen.
I need you to do me
a favor.
62
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,668
You can never mention
any of this to Joy.
63
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:24,571
She already knows
everything else there
is to know about me.
64
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,339
She knows my ATM code.
65
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,876
My strange fear
of bean-based soups.
66
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:33,980
And the confusing
feelings I have when
I see Jude Law.
67
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:39,552
I get that. I get all
weird about Prince.
68
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:50,430
The important thing
to remember while
maneuvering her
69
00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:54,567
is you have to feel
like a tiny driver
inside the dune buggy.
70
00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,236
(LAUGHING)
71
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,870
I'm seeing a tiny badass me
72
00:03:57,937 --> 00:04:00,073
with tiny goggles on and
tiny little driving gloves.
73
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:02,742
All right.
74
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:08,281
I think of myself as tiny,
but still pretty tall compared
to other tiny people.
75
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,717
And tiny me is also catnip
to the tiny ladies.
76
00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:11,718
Oh!
77
00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:13,319
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
78
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,390
Yeah, okay. Okay.
79
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,659
I know, I know.
She's a bitch and
she sleeps around.
80
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,363
But you have to invite her.
She's still your mother.
81
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,667
Hey, guys.
You have a little
sauce on your shirt.
82
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:28,668
Oh.
83
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:35,008
This must've happened
at Morry's when you called
my name and I jumped.
84
00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:36,843
What the hell
are you doing?
85
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:40,079
You have to treat
a stain before it sets.
That's laundry 101.
86
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:43,182
But you're
making it worse!
87
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:44,550
It's a process!
88
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,988
Wow, that's definitely
getting worse.
89
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,291
I'm gonna need
some kosher salt
and some pantyhose.
90
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,527
Don't rub it like...
91
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,203
So what is that? Tomato?
92
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:05,471
No.
93
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,241
Hell, no!
94
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,479
What is it, lipstick?
You having an affair on me?
95
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:16,449
Maybe.
96
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,918
Maybe he's looking
for a lady who doesn't
ask so many questions.
97
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,588
You guys been sniffing
dune buggy glue?
98
00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,693
'Cause you're acting
really strange.
99
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:30,430
Oh, what, what?
So, suddenly a man
can't dab another man
100
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,833
with a wet cloth without
being labeled strange?
101
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,635
What a world.
102
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,870
What a world, indeed.
103
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:40,640
All right, listen here,
buddy. You're gonna
tell me what's going on,
104
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,842
{\an8}or I'm gonna
get it out of your
little friend here.
105
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,144
He doesn't
know anything.
106
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:46,312
Yeah? I'll be
the judge of that.
107
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,417
Hey there, Mr. Man.
108
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:54,120
(LAUGHS)
109
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,857
That nice, smooth head
of yours is getting
a little sweaty.
110
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,927
Thank you.
111
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,831
What are you two
hiding, Kenneth?
112
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,005
Don't call me Kenneth.
My mom calls me Kenneth.
113
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,908
Oh, does she, Kenneth?
And when does she
call you Kenneth?
114
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,944
When you're trying
to hide something,
115
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:19,178
Kenneth?
116
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,322
He's got a secret
meatball sandwich.
117
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,628
What?
118
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:39,065
You have played
with my dune buggy
for the last time.
119
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,035
I deserved that.
120
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,411
So what's the deal
with the sandwich?
121
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:55,415
All right, honey.
Look, here's...
Here's the thing.
122
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,784
Um...
123
00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:00,920
I've been going to
this place called Morry's
and I've been getting these
124
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:06,192
secret meatball sandwiches
and not telling you.
125
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,494
And how long you
been doing that?
126
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:10,062
I don't know.
What is this, Tuesday?
127
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,597
Twenty years.
128
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,403
(LAUGHING)
129
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,043
What? What?
130
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,612
You're not mad?
131
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:30,583
Are you kidding?
It's freakin' hilarious!
132
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,286
So you're not upset
that I've been keeping you
in the dark about this?
133
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:37,824
About your
secret sandwich?
Not so much!
134
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,425
(LAUGHING) Oh, man!
135
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:43,362
Sneaking around to get
meatballs for 20 years
is just so lame!
136
00:07:43,429 --> 00:07:45,731
It is. It is.
Crazy lame.
137
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,568
So, we can pretend
we've never had
this conversation?
138
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:51,003
Your secret's
safe with me.
139
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,506
Oh, wait a second.
Hold on. You know
what I'm going to do?
140
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:56,042
I'm gonna have
a secret yogurt
right now.
141
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:58,644
(SHUSHING)
142
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:02,882
There's fruit at the bottom.
Don't tell anyone.
It's a secret!
143
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:10,590
Here you go. Here's
your meatball sandwich
and your root beer.
144
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,391
Ah! Thank you.
Hey, I got a funny
story for you.
145
00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,026
Yeah, I know,
I heard it.
146
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,329
No, no, no, no.
No, listen. This one
you've never heard before.
147
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,865
This is fresh stuff.
I've been coming
here about 20 years...
148
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,433
And you never told your wife
and then she found out
149
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,336
and you were afraid
she was gonna be
angry, but she wasn't.
150
00:08:23,402 --> 00:08:24,403
Should I leave
the check?
151
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,410
Wait a second.
How did you hear
about that story?
152
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:33,913
Well, your wife told me.
She was in here a couple
of hours ago.
153
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,716
What?
Yeah.
154
00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:40,286
You know, she's pretty.
I was surprised,
I always pictured her fat.
155
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,624
Take it away.
What?
156
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,625
Take it away!
157
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:53,766
Hey, babe.
158
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,701
Hello.
159
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,480
What's up?
You're kind of
creeping me out.
160
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:11,984
How was your day?
What'd you do?
161
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,453
Uh...
162
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,789
I don't know.
I went to the car wash.
163
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,392
I went to the bank.
164
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:21,460
Do you know
we have almost
no money?
165
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,464
Sure do.
166
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,100
Did you go
anywhere else?
167
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:31,270
No. Oh, I did
pick up a chai tea.
168
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:34,807
A chai tea?
Or a lie tea?
169
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,679
What?
I know you went
170
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:42,848
to my secret meatball
place. Convenient how you
just left that out, huh?
171
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:46,319
Okay, yeah.
I went to Morry's once,
just to see the place.
172
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,354
Well, now you've
contaminated it.
173
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:53,459
I'm sorry,
I've contaminated it?
174
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,861
There's a possum trap
in the ladies room.
175
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:59,765
Why'd you go, Joy?
I thought you didn't care.
176
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,400
You were laughing
when I told you.
177
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,469
Okay, fine.
Yeah, I laughed
about it at first,
178
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,172
but then it seemed
really weird that you
had to hide it from me.
179
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:08,407
I mean, what is
the deal with this
stupid sandwich?
180
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:11,844
It's not just a sandwich,
it's what it represents.
181
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:16,215
Don't you understand? It was
the only thing in my life
that you didn't know about.
182
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,318
The one and only thing
that was all mine.
183
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,821
Come on,
there are things that we
don't know about each other.
184
00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:25,491
I can list five things
right now that you
don't know about me.
185
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,226
Oh! Go for it.
186
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,461
Okay.
187
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:29,862
I...
Bleach your mustache.
188
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,544
Wow. Um...
189
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,449
Okay, all right.
Here's something
you don't know, okay.
190
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:53,519
In college, once,
after this concert, I...
191
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,488
Slept with a guy
named Daryl Hall
192
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,023
because you thought
he was part of
the band Hall and Oates,
193
00:10:57,089 --> 00:11:00,593
and he just ended up
being a random guy
named Daryl Hall.
194
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:11,237
All right, we know
everything about
each other, okay?
195
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:14,907
Call me crazy, but I don't
think that that's such a
bad thing in a marriage, babe.
196
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,108
It's 'cause
you're a chick.
197
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,044
Excuse me?
198
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,514
Look, Joy.
I'm a good husband.
199
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:23,449
I would never
cheat on you.
200
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,118
I would never murder
someone and bury
them in the pantry.
201
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:28,721
The pantry?
202
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:30,823
What's wrong
with the pantry?
203
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,926
Well, it's just a very
specific place to talk
about burying someone.
204
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,861
Generally, people
just say the woods,
205
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,596
but it's almost
as if you have a plan.
206
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:39,532
Can I finish?
207
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,000
Go ahead.
Okay.
208
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:45,404
My secret meatball
sandwich was the last
bit of my independence.
209
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:49,975
Now, I know it may
sound lame, but it
was important to me.
210
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:53,479
But now
you know it, and you
can never un-know it.
211
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,384
Well, I'm so sorry
I know your big secret.
212
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:01,087
Here. Why don't you
hit me over the head
with a frying pan
213
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:03,422
and I'll forget all
about it? Go ahead.
214
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:17,136
You're not actually
thinking about hitting
me with that, are you?
215
00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:20,439
No!
216
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,547
Hey, hon, Steph
and I are heading out.
What are you doing tonight?
217
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:33,052
Why don't you tell me
what I'm doing tonight,
oh, keeper of all secrets?
218
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,223
Ew, what's that smell?
219
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:39,358
Me.
220
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,865
Wow, you are a smoldering
kettle of sexual energy.
221
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,367
I think we'd better
leave the room before
we both jump your bones.
222
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,674
Is he still bumming
about that meatball thing?
223
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,643
How long's
that gonna last?
224
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,045
I don't know. Possibly
forever. I'm looking into
getting my own condo.
225
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,683
You know,
maybe him having a secret
wasn't such a bad thing.
226
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,886
Maybe it gave
your relationship
a little spark.
227
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:08,854
It really didn't.
228
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,224
I don't know. I mean,
229
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,126
he's never smelled
like that before.
230
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:19,431
I actually think
secrets are kind of
cool and exciting.
231
00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:24,703
I mean, I love Jeff.
But I know everything
about him.
232
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:27,273
I'm desperately hoping there's
something I don't know.
233
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,875
So it keeps me going.
234
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:32,545
Hmm.
235
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:41,821
Wow.
236
00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:45,724
All right. You need
to get a new secret.
237
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:50,429
What?
What brought this on?
238
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:54,300
I don't know. Maybe
your secret meatballs did
give you an air of mystery.
239
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:58,971
Because without them,
you are just a big,
tall pile of bleh!
240
00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:02,208
A new secret, huh?
241
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:03,742
I think it's gonna
be good for us.
242
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,545
You know what?
Maybe I'm gonna get
myself a secret, too.
243
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:10,115
Ooh, a lady secret.
How very forward-thinking.
244
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,152
I'll allow it.
245
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,592
Oh! Kenny,
what are you
doing here?
246
00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:21,460
Oh, I totally ruined
Eddie's marriage.
247
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,195
So, I'm taking him out
for a tuna sandwich.
248
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,866
Ah! Gentlemen.
Hey, Kenny.
249
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,668
Hey, what's going on,
Eddie? You ready for
your apology lunch?
250
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:32,238
Oh, no need to
apologize, my friend.
251
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,206
Joy has had
a change of heart.
252
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,175
She's gonna let me
pick a new secret.
253
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,278
Apparently, your wife
got to her. She said
you're a snooze to live with
254
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:42,514
because there's nothing
mysterious about you,
so she figured that I...
255
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:45,050
I am sorry?
256
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:51,223
There's nothing
mysterious about me?
257
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,559
That's right. Yeah.
258
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,029
Okay, right. So, look,
this is what I need.
259
00:14:57,096 --> 00:15:00,599
I need you guys to focus
here and come up with
a great new secret for me
260
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,469
that's gonna blow
meatball sandwiches
out of the water.
261
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:04,904
Anybody. What do you got?
262
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,306
Secret tacos.
263
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:09,174
Okay, see, now you're
replacing food with food.
264
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,943
Come on, we're
better than that.
265
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,178
Boink the science teacher.
266
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,081
Frank Littleton?
267
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:21,820
I'm sorry, I meant
the new math teacher.
268
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:24,623
Let's keep it
above the belt,
all right?
269
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:27,660
Secret bird.
Secret hamster.
Secret squirrel!
270
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,261
Secret jetpack!
271
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,732
Do us a favor.
Get a haircut.
272
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,771
How could
she not think
I'm mysterious?
273
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:41,006
I am a magician
for God sakes.
274
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,875
You know, I own two capes!
275
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:45,844
All right, look.
This is the thing.
276
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:49,481
We gotta make sure
that my secret is
better than Joy's.
277
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:51,517
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
278
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:52,985
Joy gets to have
a secret, too?
279
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,753
Yeah.
Oh, boy.
280
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,389
(STAMMERING)
What? What, "Oh, boy"?
What's wrong with that?
281
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,693
A good secret
is when it's yours
and you know what it is.
282
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:05,230
A bad secret is when it's hers
and she's riding the pool boy.
283
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:09,435
All right, look,
nobody's gonna be having
sex with anybody, okay?
284
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:12,071
You know, of course.
It's gonna be fine.
285
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:16,442
You got a bosomy,
free spirited lady doing
stuff and not telling you.
286
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:18,110
What could
possibly
go wrong?
287
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:24,416
What'd you
do today?
288
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:27,619
Oh, hung out,
went around.
289
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:31,857
Got a pretty great
new secret rolling.
290
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:35,561
But, of course,
that is all that
I can divulge.
291
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,464
Obviously.
That's what makes
it a secret.
292
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,900
Good.
You get it.
293
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:45,838
But I can tell you
that mine is pretty
spectacular.
294
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,475
And I don't mind
telling you,
295
00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:52,211
that I'm loving
my secret, too.
296
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,246
Great. Couldn't be
happier for you.
297
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:57,349
Secrets, huh?
298
00:16:57,416 --> 00:17:01,787
Fun to keep.
Fun also, to do.
299
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,169
One secret
pinwheel, please.
300
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,561
(LAUGHING)
You.
301
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,965
(BANGING)
302
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,200
Hey!
303
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:53,572
What the hell is
going on in here?
304
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:55,507
What? It's my secret.
305
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,544
You can't just
take my secret and
make it your secret.
306
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,379
You're breaking
the laws of secrets.
307
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:04,016
Why? It couldn't be
your secret anymore
308
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,685
and the sandwich
is delicious.
309
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,353
Did you go with melted
mozzarella on the top?
310
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:11,023
What other cheese
could you possibly
go with on there?
311
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,025
I don't know. Feta?
312
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,760
Feta? Feta?
313
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,628
Oh, you know what?
I can't even look
at you right now!
314
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:18,263
You have no business
being in here!
315
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,800
And you. You! I guess
you'll just wait on
anybody, won't you?
316
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:25,104
Um, yeah. I'm a waitress.
That's kind of what I do.
317
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:29,675
I don't know why
you're getting
so upset about this.
318
00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:32,344
You said
your new secret
was spectacular.
319
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:33,946
I lied!
320
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:38,317
All right, Joy?
I don't even have
a new secret.
321
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:42,421
I couldn't even think
of anything else.
That's how lame I am.
322
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,490
Well, why do you think
I took your secret?
323
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:47,126
I couldn't think
of anything else, either.
That's how lame I am.
324
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,294
So that's it?
325
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:51,797
Now, we know
everything about
each other.
326
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,233
We're no longer two
independent beings.
327
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:55,734
(SIGHS)
328
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,637
This is the end
of Joy and Eddie.
We've simply become
329
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,640
Jeddy.
330
00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:09,248
Yeah, but you know what,
who cares? This has been
exhausting anyway.
331
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:13,552
Now that we have
absolutely nothing
left to hide,
332
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:19,124
I'm actually feeling
a strange sense of peace.
333
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:22,594
Yeah, me, too.
Make some room.
334
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,835
I'm sorry you
lost your secret.
335
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:35,641
But, you know, when your last
shred of independence
is a meatball sandwich,
336
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:37,809
you're kind of
running out of road.
337
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:39,845
Come here.
338
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,917
I'm gonna go try
to find a fork that
doesn't have gum on it.
339
00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:51,456
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
what you got
going on there?
340
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:54,059
Oh, this is a new sandwich.
It's not on the menu yet.
341
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:58,597
It's peppers and sausage
and cheese on a jalapeno roll.
342
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:01,033
Listen.
Next time I'm in here,
343
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:03,702
throw a little bacon
on that and keep
it on the down low.
344
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:09,975
Secret sausage.
345
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,878
I'm back.
346
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,351
Hey, babe.
347
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:20,886
Hey, honey.
348
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,656
Mmm.
349
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:29,561
Mmm.
350
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,802
I'm getting sausage,
351
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:40,872
{\an8}jalapeno and...
352
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:47,312
{\an8}Bacon?
353
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,888
{\an8}Is that your new
secret sandwich?
354
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:03,595
{\an8}Why don't you go upstairs
and bleach your mustache?
29587
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