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1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:06,673
EDDIE: Hey! There he is.
Large and in charge.
2
00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:07,907
How does it feel?
3
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,809
What are you talking about?
4
00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:12,612
What, you didn't hear?
They gave Principal Middleton
a forced leave of absence,
5
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:15,849
and you are now
the new acting principal,
my friend.
6
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,385
(STUTTERING)
What? What happened?
7
00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:20,887
I guess you left
the sports banquet
a little too early, huh?
8
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:22,489
Well, Middleton
got into the Chablis
9
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,691
and before you know it,
he did something
pretty obscene
10
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:25,992
with the girls'
soccer trophy.
11
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,429
What did he do?
12
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:30,797
Oh, don't worry about it,
but when it comes back
from evidence
13
00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:33,166
you might want to give it
a good scrub down.
14
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,803
Mr. Woodcock,
15
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:40,540
the Jell-O guy is out front
and he needs
your monthly order.
16
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:47,614
Okay. Okay, this just got
very real.
17
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,884
Jell-O. Jell-O, Jell-O.
Okay, it's, uh, 800 students,
18
00:00:50,984 --> 00:00:55,055
one cup per student,
five days in a week,
minus weekends and holidays,
19
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:56,523
carry the one...
20
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,558
Eight million cups of Jell-O.
21
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,096
I think that's pretty wrong.
22
00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:13,940
Tell the guy we'll take
12 crates of green.
23
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,243
Thanks. How'd you
know that?
24
00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:20,280
Well, back when I used
to smoke,
25
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,183
I would take
my breaks with
Gladys the lunch lady.
26
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:26,786
Learned a lot about Jell-O,
learned a lot about love.
27
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,759
But mostly Jell-O.
28
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,630
(JINGLE PLAYING)
29
00:02:05,091 --> 00:02:07,861
JOY: 'Til Death
is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
30
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:16,569
Morning.
31
00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:18,805
(STUTTERING)
Is there toast in my eye?
32
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,640
{\an8}What?
I bit down hard,
33
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:25,145
{\an8}and a toast fragment
actually flew into my eye.
34
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,381
{\an8}Huh.
35
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:32,619
{\an8}Could you
do something, please?
36
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,120
{\an8}Just try not to blink.
37
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,788
{\an8}Okay, okay...
38
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,123
{\an8}I...
39
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,526
{\an8}Oh, God, I'm blinking.
I can't stop blinking.
40
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,895
{\an8}Because there's something...
Just look inside there.
41
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,129
{\an8}Come here.
All right,
you got it?
42
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,498
{\an8}Ow! What the hell
are you doing?
43
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:46,566
{\an8}I'm trying to help you.
44
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,768
{\an8}Well, you touched my eyeball!
45
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,336
{\an8}You think that was
fun for me?
46
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,539
{\an8}Well, you don't poke someone
in the eye, woman.
47
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:55,108
{\an8}I think they teach you that
in nursery school.
48
00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:00,146
{\an8}Wait, you got it out.
49
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:02,949
{\an8}Thank you.
50
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:05,919
{\an8}(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
51
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,422
{\an8}Hey, Eddie.
What are you doing?
Why aren't you dressed?
52
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,858
{\an8}Well, for your information,
I like to get dressed
to Matt Lauer,
53
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:14,694
{\an8}and he's not on yet.
54
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:18,998
{\an8}My first act as principal
was to institute
the 7:00 a.m. staff meeting.
55
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:24,604
Didn't you get my e-mail,
subject line,
"Early Start, Early Smart"?
56
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:27,273
No, but I'm guessing
with a screen name
like Woodcock,
57
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,976
it's probably hard to
get past those spam filters.
58
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:32,912
You're a joker,
and I love it.
59
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:35,081
Look, I'll wait in the car
while you get dressed,
all right?
60
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:36,883
All right, but let me
finish my toast.
61
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:38,351
All right.
62
00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:46,826
Hmm.
63
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:53,866
Does anyone know
what we're doing here
at the crack of dawn?
64
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,501
'Cause I am still drunk.
65
00:03:58,037 --> 00:04:01,774
Maybe it's one of those
sexual harassment seminars.
66
00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:05,578
Oh, please. You know what
we call sexual harassment
in the French department?
67
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:06,879
Flirting.
68
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,350
That is a swingin' pantsuit.
69
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,489
Hey! Okay, hey!
70
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:20,627
Good morning, gang!
Welcome to the first
of many, many
71
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:25,465
"Early Start, Early Smart"
meetings. Okay?
72
00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:27,700
All right, now first of all,
don't think of this
as my meeting.
73
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,202
Think of this as ours.
74
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:30,637
If anyone has any ideas...
75
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:33,673
Hey, I have an idea.
Why don't we all go home?
76
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,241
(ALL LAUGHING)
77
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:38,945
Okay, all right,
I know it's early,
and we're all a little grumpy.
78
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,880
Now, I did bring
a box of donuts...
79
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,582
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
80
00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:46,019
All right, those...
81
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,354
How do you not buy
a fritter?
82
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,990
Those were actually
for after the meeting, but...
83
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:52,925
Hey, you know what?
You can eat them now.
That's cool.
84
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,794
It's all good.
85
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,629
{\an5}JEFF: Okay, how about
everybody...
Teacher mandate?
86
00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:59,365
Hey, everybody can
grab a donut,
then come on back here.
87
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,767
EDDIE: All right.
MAN: I had a little...
88
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:03,603
Or stay there!
Either way,
you know.
89
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:04,804
All right...
90
00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,072
(EDDIE MUTTERING)
91
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:08,975
Okay, so the first thing
that I wanted to talk about
92
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:12,779
was to make our school
a little more
environmentally friendly.
93
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,681
Now, I'd hate
for Winston Churchill High
94
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,283
to become
Winston Landfill High!
95
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:24,390
That was a play on words.
It's clever.
96
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:29,362
No, it isn't.
A clever play on words
would be like...
97
00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:32,732
If I called Todd, scrod,
'cause he looks like a fish.
98
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,734
(ALL LAUGHING)
99
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,102
I love you, Eddie.
100
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,471
Right back at you,
fish face.
101
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:42,008
The point is
that we could all make
a little more effort.
102
00:05:42,108 --> 00:05:45,411
For instance,
instead of using
Styrofoam cups for coffee,
103
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,347
we could all bring in mugs.
104
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:51,351
You know, I swear to God,
there is pudding in here.
This is unbelievable.
105
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,219
What? Let me get
a finger in.
106
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:54,887
(HESITATING)
107
00:05:54,987 --> 00:05:56,022
I would rather you don't.
108
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:57,757
I've got jelly.
109
00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:00,526
All right, finger it.
110
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:04,430
JEFF: Guys?
111
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:08,468
So, by bringing in mugs,
we can help to
save the planet,
112
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,937
but also show a glimpse
into our personalities.
113
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:16,709
For instance, my mug says,
"I'd rather be sailing." Huh?
114
00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:18,845
It was given to me
by my brother,
who owns a boat
115
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,614
because he makes
a lot more money than I do.
116
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:25,084
And my mug says,
117
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:27,787
"I'm Styrofoam,
and you can throw me out
instead of washing me."
118
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:28,988
(ALL LAUGHING)
119
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:31,290
It's a talking mug, everybody.
120
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,660
All right, guys,
we're only on point one here
of a 10-point agenda. So...
121
00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:35,728
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
122
00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:37,296
Okay.
Well, that's that.
123
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,233
Well, all right,
great first day, guys.
This was really good.
124
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,135
Hey, who drew
a picture of me?
125
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,238
I'd never do that with a cat!
126
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,578
Hey. What a day!
127
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,016
Why does our couch look
like my grandma's panties?
128
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:03,523
I got a new slipcover.
129
00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:06,325
I thought this room
was feeling
a little too masculine.
130
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:10,263
Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's, uh,
a real sports bar in here.
131
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:15,368
Baby, I just think
couch color is a big decision,
you know?
132
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:17,069
Something we should
talk about.
133
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,438
Okay, let's talk.
I don't like it.
134
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:21,040
Well, I already bought it,
so too late. Good talk.
135
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:23,743
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
136
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:26,045
Hey, guys!
137
00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:27,547
All right, if we're gonna
go see a movie tonight,
we gotta pick one right now.
138
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:30,116
I'm in the mood
to see something
get blown up!
139
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,150
(EXCLAIMS)
140
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,785
God, I love you!
141
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:36,589
You know, I've actually been
dying to see
The Butler's Timepiece.
142
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:41,093
Uh-huh.
143
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,229
Did you pick out this couch?
144
00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:46,799
{\an8}(LAUGHS)
JEFF: Guys, I...
145
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:49,735
Actually, I heard it's great.
It's about this family
of English butlers
146
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,805
that passes a pocket watch on
from generation to generation,
147
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:55,174
and you see how
the watch plays a part
in each of their lives.
148
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:57,710
Let me guess.
Everyone knows
what time it is.
149
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:58,978
(LAUGHING)
150
00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:00,847
Yes. It's just that
I'm a person, so...
151
00:08:00,947 --> 00:08:02,949
All right, here.
Look, right here.
Blood Money.
152
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,450
{\an8}(MUMBLES)
STEPH: Sounds great.
153
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:06,285
Oh, love blood,
love money!
Let's go!
154
00:08:06,385 --> 00:08:08,154
All right,
it's agreed.
155
00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:09,922
Good. Go and do
what you want.
156
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,458
(BRITISH ACCENT)
But wait! How will the butlers
know what time it is?
157
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:15,328
(BRITISH ACCENT)
Oh, cheerio, cheerio!
Pip-pip and all that!
158
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:16,662
JOY: (BRITISH ACCENT)
Take the trolley.
159
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,498
(SCREAMS)
160
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:43,122
Jeff has been having
some anger issues lately.
161
00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:46,826
Oh. Have you talked
to anyone about this?
162
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,697
That's why we're here.
163
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:55,868
We're talking to you
about this.
164
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:04,477
You are
the school psychologist.
165
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,979
(LAUGHS)
166
00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:09,081
And the girl's softball coach.
167
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:10,650
Go Lady Panthers.
168
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,151
(GROWLS)
169
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,759
So, can you help us?
170
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:24,463
You know, the thing is
I usually work
with just the students.
171
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,700
Except, of course,
when Mr. Hernandez
from maintenance came in
172
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,403
and told me
he sometimes dreams
about other men.
173
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:36,208
I probably shouldn't
have said that.
174
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:40,846
Okay, uh, well, um...
175
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:42,648
I don't really understand
why I'm here.
176
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:45,318
You see, I wanted to go see
a certain movie,
177
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,886
and nobody would
listen to me.
178
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:49,589
I ripped off my shirt.
All of a sudden,
I'm the weirdo.
179
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,593
The thing about Jeff is
he tends to bottle things up.
180
00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,995
That's because
nobody listens to me. So...
181
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,530
Honey, I heard you
about the movie.
182
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,298
It's just it was
two-and-a-half hours
about a stopwatch.
183
00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:00,733
It's a pocket watch!
184
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:06,405
Here comes the shirt.
Look at the shirt.
Watch what he does.
185
00:10:09,475 --> 00:10:12,712
Hey, I'm not going to
rip my shirt, all right?
186
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:14,647
This isn't
really about me.
187
00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:17,450
Jeff's principal now,
and he's got
a lot of responsibility,
188
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,018
and people aren't
taking him seriously.
189
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,019
Oh.
190
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,188
STEPH: Any advice?
191
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,924
Oh, you know,
I'm not sure.
192
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:28,628
I usually tell
the students it's ADD,
and then they graduate.
193
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:33,366
Oh! You know, wait.
194
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:37,470
I remember reading
about something like this
in a book once.
195
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,638
(WHISPERING)
Wow.
196
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,941
(EXCLAIMING)
I found it.
197
00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,409
Um...
198
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,711
"For patients who tend
to repress anger..."
199
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,513
(WHISPERING)
That means you.
200
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:51,317
"...advise them that
they might avoid
uncontrollable outbursts
201
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:54,353
"by identifying
the root cause of the stress,
202
00:10:54,453 --> 00:11:00,326
"and address said cause
in the moment in a calm
yet assertive fashion."
203
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:07,800
You know what?
That's a great idea.
204
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,369
And I'm going
to start right now.
205
00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:11,971
You're terrible at your job.
206
00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:15,841
You're pissing me off.
207
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:29,755
Would you like some condoms
or a pamphlet for the Army?
208
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,770
Good morning, gang.
209
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,372
Those are
for after the meeting.
210
00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:47,807
(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
211
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,909
I said after!
212
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:59,051
Okay, well,
let's get this thing started.
213
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:01,687
First of all, I pitched our
school-wide environmental plan
214
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:04,990
to the Superintendent
this morning
in a special presentation
215
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:08,828
that I like to call,
"It Is Easy Being Green."
216
00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:14,500
And it turns out that with
the $5,000 that we'll save
by eliminating plastic sporks,
217
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:18,838
we will actually be
able to help revive
the school orchestra.
218
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,239
(CLAPPING)
219
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:21,607
Oh, please, please.
Thank you, though.
We're very busy.
220
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,410
Uh, Eddie, um, Mrs. Riola has
another cat emergency,
221
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,412
so I'm gonna need you
to cover sixth period.
222
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,214
But that's my
snack-and-nap time.
223
00:12:28,314 --> 00:12:31,517
Well, I'm sorry,
Eddie, but today,
it is all about team.
224
00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:35,788
Oh, I see. So somebody
drops by the boys' suit
section at Mervyns,
225
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:37,123
and he thinks he's Elvis.
226
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:38,557
(IMPERSONATES ELVIS)
227
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,260
(LAUGHING)
228
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,529
(CONTINUES
IMPERSONATING ELVIS)
229
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:46,599
Nothing?
230
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:49,201
I actually think
he looks pretty great.
231
00:12:50,035 --> 00:12:51,937
Me, too.
He's delicious.
232
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,843
I want that tie.
233
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,779
This tie?
Oh, come on.
234
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:02,515
This thing is
rolling down
the ugly-tie highway.
235
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,916
(HONKING)
236
00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:07,953
Please don't touch me, Eddie.
237
00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:10,189
Oh. You mean, like this?
238
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,857
(MAKING A NOISE)
239
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,959
Okay, now I'm going
to issue you
an official warning
240
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,796
that if you touch me again,
there will be
serious consequences.
241
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:17,863
Even if it's like this?
242
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,398
(MAKING A NOISE)
243
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:23,602
Now you're suspended.
244
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:25,504
Suspended?
245
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:26,605
(CHUCKLES)
246
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:29,608
Can you do that?
247
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,578
I just did, bitch.
248
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,586
JOY: He did what?
249
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:44,089
He suspended me, Joy.
And he also
called me a bitch.
250
00:13:47,426 --> 00:13:49,562
Oh, my God!
251
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:53,299
So you're gonna be here,
like, all day tomorrow?
252
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,703
All I did was poke him.
I can't believe he got...
253
00:13:57,803 --> 00:14:00,773
Wait, wait, wait.
You poked him?
254
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:03,542
Yes. And apparently,
he can suspend me for that.
255
00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:05,711
It's the most stupid rule
I ever heard.
256
00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:08,314
Eddie, you're a huge man.
257
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,583
That rule was made
for people like you.
258
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,419
Remember that time
that we went backstage
at the Neil Diamond concert,
259
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,855
and you hugged him so hard
you made him cry?
260
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,624
That was not because of me.
261
00:14:18,724 --> 00:14:20,993
He had a half-empty
amphitheater,
and was very upset.
262
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:26,265
You know what?
I know what this is about.
263
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:30,536
You don't like
that little Jeffy
is your boss now.
264
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,005
You know what he brings
for lunch every day?
265
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:35,808
Chicken soup with stars.
266
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:41,680
With stars, Joy!
He's not even man enough
to eat a noodle!
267
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:46,218
I can't take orders
from a guy like that.
268
00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:48,520
You know, I don't know
why you're having such
a hard time with this.
269
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,356
You have no trouble
taking orders from me.
270
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,858
Well, that's 'cause
you have lady parts.
271
00:14:57,463 --> 00:15:00,766
Listen, honey, I know that
this is gonna be hard for you,
272
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:04,837
but I think that you just
have to accept that
Jeff is in charge now,
273
00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:08,807
and maybe, just maybe,
you just crossed the line.
274
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:12,044
And, that way, you show
that you're the bigger man.
275
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:17,850
Okay, maybe you're right.
276
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,686
Maybe I could be
a little more mature
277
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,621
and not let him
get to me so much.
278
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:23,856
'Cause you're the big man.
279
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:25,124
I'm the big man.
280
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,561
Knocky, knocky!
281
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,897
I'm going to kill him!
282
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:33,198
(EXCLAIMING)
283
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,344
Jeff, what can we do
for you?
284
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:49,114
Uh, I actually just have
a little paperwork issue
for your hubby.
285
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,816
Technically,
you're not suspended
286
00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:53,118
till I get
your old John Hancock
on this form here.
287
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:54,453
(EXCLAIMING)
288
00:15:54,553 --> 00:15:57,189
Forgot to check
the box that says,
"Without pay."
289
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:58,557
Here you go.
290
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:13,505
You know what, Eddie?
I'll just scan your signature
291
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:15,474
from when you signed up
for softball. All righty.
292
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,242
EDDIE: You know what...
Stay.
293
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:21,613
Okay, what is this?
You trying to
get yourself killed?
294
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,149
No! I'm just
working on myself.
295
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:26,852
I'm learning
to deal with my anger
in the moment,
296
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:27,920
in a healthy way.
297
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:29,488
Oh, speaking of which,
298
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:32,191
I'd appreciate it
if you never use
my garden hose ever again,
299
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:35,928
because I know that you do,
and I'll be watching.
300
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,765
Okay?
301
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:52,711
Eddie is having
some anger issues.
302
00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:54,880
He wants to kill his boss
with a shovel.
303
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:59,485
Oh. Have you talked
to anyone about this?
304
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:04,690
Yeah. We're talking
to you about this.
305
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:07,226
You're
the school psychologist.
306
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:09,995
Oh, right.
307
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,263
(GIGGLING)
308
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:14,266
I just...
I've got my head
in so many places.
309
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:18,303
Coaching the girls'
softball team
is so draining.
310
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:21,340
I just wish
the girls cared about it
as much as I do.
311
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,643
I mean, I know
it's supposed to be fun,
312
00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:27,880
but, I mean,
isn't it more fun
when you win?
313
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,520
It sure is.
314
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,688
Yeah, anyway,
I was wondering
315
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:40,726
if you could give Eddie
some advice about working
with someone he can't stand.
316
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:43,996
I talk and I talk
until I'm blue in the face.
They just...
317
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:45,264
They don't listen.
318
00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:48,333
You don't win a game
on game day.
319
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,869
You win in practice,
the week before.
320
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:54,373
But, you know,
they have homework
and boyfriends
321
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:59,011
and girlfriends
who look like boyfriends.
322
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:02,548
It's... And I'm pretty sure
that our catcher is pregnant.
323
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,518
Oh, I probably
shouldn't have said that.
324
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,521
Okay, this is brutal.
325
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:12,925
We don't leave right now,
I kill everyone
with a shovel.
326
00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:15,294
And then myself.
327
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:19,064
Wow, you do seem angry.
328
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:23,602
I have some literature
on the pitfalls
of violent video games.
329
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:28,240
Um, and there's actually one
where you get points
when you kill hookers.
330
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:29,808
It's kind of great.
331
00:18:30,976 --> 00:18:32,978
Okay, that's it.
We're leaving.
332
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:35,881
Um, remember,
the safest sex is abstinence.
333
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,218
We've got that covered.
334
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:44,823
I am so glad that
we could talk like this.
335
00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:47,359
I mean, I feel that,
as women,
336
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,660
we can probably
work this out.
337
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,730
Yeah, I hear you.
338
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:54,433
I mean, I'm not saying
that Eddie's not at fault.
339
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:57,469
But when people challenge him,
even when he's wrong,
340
00:18:57,569 --> 00:19:00,172
sometimes he refuses
to back down.
341
00:19:00,272 --> 00:19:02,007
It's probably
Jeff's fault, too.
342
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:03,575
Yeah.
343
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:05,644
He's just learning
to assert himself.
Sometimes he goes overboard.
344
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:07,146
Yeah.
345
00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:10,215
And Eddie barely
touched him.
346
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:11,750
Yeah.
347
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:13,952
But it was
inappropriate touching.
348
00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:19,992
Yeah, but shouldn't
the punishment
fit the crime?
349
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:21,093
Yeah.
350
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:29,635
But Eddie should respect
the fact that Jeff is
the principal.
351
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:34,173
Yeah, but you know,
Jeff's not really
the principal.
352
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,176
I mean, he's
the acting principal,
353
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:40,812
so maybe if Jeff acted
more like a principal,
354
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,348
Eddie would respect him.
355
00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:46,118
Yeah, well, maybe if
Eddie acted a little less
like a douche
356
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:48,053
he wouldn't get
into so much trouble.
357
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:53,592
Did you call my husband
a douche?
358
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:55,127
(SIGHS)
359
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:57,763
Sorry, I may have
overstated it.
360
00:19:57,863 --> 00:20:01,266
I just prefer a man
with a little more class.
361
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:04,870
Yeah, well,
I prefer a man
who's completed puberty.
362
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:09,808
And I prefer a man
who has completed evolution.
363
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,244
And I prefer a...
364
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:16,515
Bite me!
365
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:27,326
{\an8}So, did the women
figure it out?
366
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:39,037
{\an8}All right,
so the talk went
pretty well, then.
367
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:41,807
{\an8}Honey, door.
368
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,314
{\an8}(TELEPHONE RINGING)
369
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:50,649
{\an8}Honey, phone.
30417
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