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1
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,208
Oh, I took way too much
hand cream. Here.
2
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,144
What do you
want me to do?
3
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,079
Take my extra cream.
4
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,548
What?
5
00:00:15,648 --> 00:00:19,753
Rub your hands against mine
and wipe some of this off.
6
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:22,055
I'm just trying
to live my life here.
7
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:24,958
It's expensive lotion.
I don't want to waste it.
8
00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:28,094
Joy, get a Kleenex
and sacrifice the cream.
9
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:31,965
Is touching me really
that repulsive to you?
10
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:34,034
Right now, yes.
11
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,403
The thought of clasping
your greasy hands
12
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:38,605
to transfer
your cream onto me
13
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,407
is making me
want to throw up.
14
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,642
Are you happy?
15
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:44,778
{\an5}-Oh, you're taking my cream.
-No, I'm not.
16
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,480
You're going
to take the cream.
17
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,482
Oh, God!
18
00:00:51,684 --> 00:00:53,520
{\an5}-Stop it.
-Stop it.
19
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:03,196
Okay, was that foreplay
or is this over?
20
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:04,564
♪ All right!
21
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:05,765
♪ Hey!
22
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:08,201
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
23
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,406
{\an8}You almost ready?
24
00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:15,975
{\an8}You are not
going to believe this.
25
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:22,816
{\an8}Good Lord.
That came from one toe?
26
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,185
{\an8}I didn't think
I'd get her clean.
27
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:29,656
{\an8}I could harvest wheat
with that thing.
28
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,528
{\an8}-I'm very proud.
We have to go.
-All right.
29
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:38,932
{\an8}So tell me... Tell me
why we're going out
with the Woodcocks again.
30
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,134
{\an8}They are taking us
to dinner to thank us.
31
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:43,470
{\an8}-What for?
-For having them
over for dinner.
32
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:45,705
{\an8}And after they take us out
to dinner to thank us,
33
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:47,941
{\an8}are we then required
to take them out to dinner
34
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:52,011
{\an8}to thank them
for the thank you dinner
that they took us to?
35
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:55,248
{\an8}Don't you see?
This is a vicious circle
of thank you hell,
36
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:58,751
{\an8}and I want to get off
the merry-go-round, lady.
37
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,120
{\an8}Put on a shirt.
38
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:01,187
{\an8}Okay.
39
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,661
No.
40
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:14,033
{\an8}Eddie, the toilet
is still running.
It is driving me insane.
41
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,969
{\an8}Are you ever going to
fix that thing?
42
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:19,139
{\an8}The problem isn't the toilet,
the problem is you.
43
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,407
{\an8}You flush wrong.
44
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,009
{\an8}Okay. I know
how to flush a toilet.
45
00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:25,545
{\an8}I've been flushing toilets
my entire life.
46
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:26,713
{\an8}Yes, but not well.
47
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:32,685
A toast
to our new neighbors
48
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:35,855
who took us under their wing,
had us for dinner
when we didn't know anybody.
49
00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:37,323
Thank you, guys.
Seriously.
50
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:39,025
Happy to do it.
51
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:45,832
So, we're all even-steven
with the thank-yous, right?
52
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:47,300
Nobody owes
anybody anything.
53
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,903
We just get to all
walk away clean.
54
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:58,378
Oh, the French sure
like their old-fashioned ads,
don't they?
55
00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:00,914
Are you folks
ready to order?
56
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,683
I would like to have
the onion soup
57
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:06,119
and then the mussels.
58
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:07,887
And, anybody, wine?
59
00:03:07,987 --> 00:03:09,055
I'm okay.
60
00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:11,357
Bottle of merlot.
One glass.
61
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,727
Trout salad for me, please.
62
00:03:14,827 --> 00:03:15,962
Ooh!
63
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:21,134
I'll... I'll go with
the half a chicken,
64
00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:25,438
and I'm desperately
hoping that pommes frites
are French fries.
65
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:29,642
Aw. I was going to get that.
66
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:32,946
So, what's the problem?
67
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,081
I don't want to get
the same thing as you.
68
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:36,616
Why not?
69
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,652
Don't you think
it'd be more fun if we all
get different things?
70
00:03:39,752 --> 00:03:43,389
I think it'd be
exactly the same amount
of fun either way.
71
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,127
Just for variety,
sometimes we like to,
72
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,163
you know,
taste each other's food.
73
00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:53,833
Yeah, you'd like that,
wouldn't you,
Mr. Trout Salad?
74
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,035
Sweetie, maybe you should
just change your order.
75
00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:58,671
No. I have never seen
anything like this in my life.
76
00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:00,607
I want the half chicken.
77
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:03,309
Honey, I'm sure
that there's half
of another animal
78
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,645
on this menu
that appeals to you.
79
00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:14,120
Just switch me
to the steak, Rene.
80
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:17,490
And I will have...
81
00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:23,029
If she doesn't
order the chicken,
82
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,431
I'm going to tip
this table over.
83
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:28,301
I'll go
with the chicken.
84
00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,169
So, what are you two
up to for the weekend?
85
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,804
Well, tomorrow
we're going hiking.
86
00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:33,439
{\an5}-Nice.
-You guys hike?
87
00:04:33,539 --> 00:04:35,508
Oh, God, no.
88
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:39,012
No, I find
the silence of the woods
a little terrifying.
89
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:40,947
We love it.
90
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:43,082
Jeff actually proposed
to me on a hike.
91
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:44,884
Guilty as charged.
92
00:04:44,984 --> 00:04:46,119
It was so romantic.
93
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:47,954
We were in Colorado and
we hiked up this mountain
94
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,490
to watch the sunrise,
and when we got up there,
95
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:53,359
there was already
this incredible picnic
waiting for us.
96
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,927
I hiked up in
the middle of the night
97
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,529
and I set it all up.
98
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,432
And then I noticed his face
was kind of bloody.
99
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:01,267
My foot got caught
on a root on the way down
100
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:04,737
and I went face first
into an old bridge.
101
00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:09,709
Chipped the orbital bone
around my eye,
but it was all worth it.
102
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:13,279
Anyways, the sun came up,
he told me he wanted
to be with me forever,
103
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:15,848
and then handed me
half a cantaloupe.
104
00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:17,350
That's her
favorite melon.
105
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,652
And right there
in the middle of it,
in the, you know...
106
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:20,753
The part
with the seeds.
107
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:23,556
There was this incredible
diamond ring.
108
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,592
Wow. It's beautiful.
109
00:05:28,928 --> 00:05:30,596
Pardon me, ladies.
110
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:34,567
I'm going to go
bomb downtown Paris.
111
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,675
How can you not think
their story was romantic?
112
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:47,146
Oh, come on.
Her ring is buried in
some stringy melon crud,
113
00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:48,881
his eyeball's falling out.
114
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:51,718
It sounds like
a horror movie.
115
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,387
And I suppose you think
the way you proposed
to me was better.
116
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:55,788
Absolutely.
117
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,391
On the way out
of the movie Top Gun?
118
00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:03,429
Yes. I was emotional
and I asked you
119
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,265
if you would ride
into the danger zone
with me.
120
00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:11,404
And then your
Datsun broke down
121
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,005
and we literally
had to push it
122
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,808
through the danger zone
during a police strike.
123
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,643
And you know what?
124
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:20,580
When I saw you push
that car, I knew
you were the girl for me.
125
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,649
You got a lot of power
in that lower body.
126
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:28,421
Yeah, well I thought
that Steph's ring
was really nice,
127
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:30,356
and I seemed to recall,
128
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:33,159
while we were rocking
your Datsun
out of a pothole,
129
00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:35,294
that you promised
that you would buy me
an engagement ring
130
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,064
when you had more money,
but you never did.
131
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,465
I see.
132
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,134
So, the problem is
the little Woodcock girl
133
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,403
has a ring and you don't.
134
00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:45,872
Maybe.
135
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:49,742
Mmm-hmm. And are you aware
that illegal
or "blood diamonds,"
136
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:52,311
as they're
more commonly known,
137
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,281
have funded civil wars
throughout Africa
138
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:56,883
and have played
a part in the deaths
139
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:59,318
of thousands
of innocent people.
140
00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:02,622
They're so sparkly.
141
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:06,359
Joy, we have been
together forever, okay?
142
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:09,262
Diamond rings are
for young, stupid people.
143
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:11,097
And come on,
144
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,800
do you really expect me to
buy you an engagement ring?
145
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:15,301
You're not like that.
146
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:17,537
You know what?
Maybe I am like that.
147
00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:18,604
Is that so crazy?
148
00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:20,473
You promised me one.
149
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,075
Okay, again,
right after Top Gun.
150
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:24,477
I was emotional.
151
00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:26,112
Goose was dead.
152
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,416
I don't think
that it's so awful
153
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,351
that I should be able
to look down at my hand
154
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,353
and see a symbol
of our love.
155
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,322
Okay. How about
the symbol of our love
156
00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:38,791
is the fact that
we're not divorced?
157
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,066
And here we go
with the slamming.
158
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:49,001
You know what?
Never mind.
159
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:52,004
I don't know why after
20 years I should expect
anything different.
160
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:53,806
You are a passionless,
161
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:55,942
completely unromantic person.
162
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:59,812
Which was fine with you
until the Woodcocks
moved in next door.
163
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:00,880
Yeah, okay, fine.
164
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:02,782
Going out with them
opened my eyes.
165
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,951
He actually
fed her dessert.
166
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:09,388
Yeah, did you see
the way she choked a little
on that big spoon?
167
00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:13,092
It was fantastic.
168
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,930
Oh, and, of course,
the toilet is still running.
169
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,599
I guess
this is our life.
170
00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:21,033
Hope you're happy.
171
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:24,637
I'd be a lot happier
if you'd learn
how to flush correctly.
172
00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:27,106
I know
how to flush a toilet.
173
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:31,177
No, you don't.
174
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,348
I really think
it's wonderful
175
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:36,749
that you're celebrating
Joy this way.
176
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,085
Okay. First of all,
take two steps back,
177
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,721
because I feel
your hot breath on my neck.
178
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:44,824
Hey, how about
that one there?
179
00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:46,425
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
180
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,561
You can't just pick out
a ring that quickly.
181
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,997
Okay, Woodcock, listen,
we are catty-corner
182
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,498
to a Jody Maroni
sausage stand
183
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,901
and it just happens
to be Andouille Tuesday.
184
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,036
So, we're going to make
all of this go quick.
185
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,337
What can I do
for you today?
186
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:01,007
My friend here
is looking to buy
an engagement ring.
187
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,242
Great. And how much
are you looking to spend?
188
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,211
Ten million dollars.
189
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:06,546
That's why I'm buying
diamonds at a store
190
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,848
next to a Lady Foot Locker.
191
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,584
Why don't you just put
that one in a bag?
Right there.
192
00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,519
Well, I really wouldn't
be doing my job
193
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:15,288
if I didn't mention
the four C's.
194
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,391
They stand for color,
cut, clarity, and carat.
195
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,393
Hey, you know what,
Woodcock?
196
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,629
I think it's time for you
to go up to level three
and build a bear.
197
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:26,032
I am trying to help.
198
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:28,501
Well, why don't you
tell me a little bit
about the bride.
199
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:29,969
Is she a romantic type?
200
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,404
Not really.
201
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,672
Is she funky?
202
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:34,674
Sometimes after she jogs.
203
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,614
Actually, I meant
is she free-spirited
or more...
204
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,049
Look, look, look.
I'm just gonna level with you.
205
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:46,118
She's just really pissed off
and I really want sausage,
okay?
206
00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:50,289
So, look, I got
$1,500 available
on my Discover Card.
207
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,692
I'm going to close my eyes
and you're going to
make it happen.
208
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:53,759
Eddie, I really think...
209
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:56,395
That bear's not
going to build itself!
210
00:09:57,196 --> 00:09:59,298
(JINGLE PLAYING)
211
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:07,306
There's my sweet-ass baby.
Think fast.
212
00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:11,644
Ow.
213
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,880
What is this?
214
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,148
There it is.
215
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:17,883
The symbol of our love.
216
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,187
You bought me a ring?
217
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,655
Yep. And it wasn't cheap,
218
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:26,392
so feel free to start
taking off my pants
at any time.
219
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,330
Check out the inscription.
220
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:36,869
If found, call 215-227-3898.
221
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,105
It's our phone number.
222
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:42,308
So, basically,
it's a dog tag.
223
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:44,844
Okay. What exactly
is your problem?
224
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,112
What's my problem?
225
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,080
{\an5}-Yes.
-What's my problem?
226
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:49,348
That's the question
on the table.
227
00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:50,916
You want to know
what my problem is?
228
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:53,753
I don't know how to make that
any clearer.
229
00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:56,122
You're sitting
there watching TV.
230
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,523
You throw this ring at me,
231
00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:59,158
you hit me pretty hard
in the boob...
232
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,559
I lobbed it.
233
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,395
{\an5}-You winged it.
-Oh, come on.
234
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,363
It was a gentle,
festive toss,
235
00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:07,366
like I was pitching
softball to a slow kid.
236
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:10,036
Look...
237
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,208
The point is,
I'm a little shocked
at your response here.
238
00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:17,777
{\an5}-Really?
-Yes.
239
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:19,712
Joy, we've been married
for 20 years,
240
00:11:19,812 --> 00:11:22,915
and after one very buttery,
hard to digest French meal,
241
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,918
all of a sudden
you're demanding
an engagement ring,
242
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,620
which, quite frankly,
is like slopping
243
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,321
a new hood ornament
on a car
244
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:32,458
that I've been driving
since high school.
245
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:40,733
So, first,
I'm pushing your Datsun,
246
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:43,669
now I am your Datsun.
247
00:11:43,769 --> 00:11:45,871
Look, the point is,
I sucked it up,
248
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:49,875
I got you your stupid ring,
and you're still yapping.
249
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,745
What you obviously
don't understand
250
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,680
is that it is not
just about the ring,
251
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,682
it is about
the whole experience.
252
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:59,485
It's about the emotion,
the romance.
253
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:07,693
Like that.
I want some of that.
254
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:08,928
What?
255
00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:11,864
The Woodcocks are dining
by candlelight.
256
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,432
On a Tuesday?
257
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:17,703
Oh, no, no.
Now they've gone too far.
258
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:20,973
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
259
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,977
{\an5}-Hey, buddy.
-Okay, that's enough.
260
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,545
JEFF: What are you doing?
261
00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:27,780
We get it.
You love each other.
262
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,783
Now stop shoving it down
the world's throat.
263
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,251
We're having dinner
in our house.
264
00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:35,054
Well, at least
have the decency
to draw the drapes.
265
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:37,857
You're making me look bad
with all the wine
266
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:39,859
and the candles and...
267
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,794
What is this, veal?
268
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,028
Yes.
269
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,365
Wow. This is phenomenal.
270
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,567
What's on this?
271
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,603
Simple butter herb rub.
272
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:52,571
Well, bravo, huh?
273
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,241
Come on. Come on.
You kids eat, too.
274
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,143
Look, I got to tell you,
I'm sorry
about all the yelling.
275
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,011
It's just that,
you know, I was hungry.
276
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,212
All I had for lunch today
277
00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:03,015
was those three sausages
and a half a chicken.
278
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,584
That's okay.
279
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:09,855
Got into a big fight
with Joy, and, you know,
280
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,557
she really didn't
like the ring I got.
281
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:13,692
It didn't go over too well.
282
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:17,596
Someone should
have listened to me
about the emerald cut.
283
00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:19,732
Well, it wasn't that,
Woodcock.
284
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,234
She didn't like
my presentation.
285
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:23,836
Well, how'd you
give it to her?
286
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,705
Well, I, sort of,
you know, gently,
287
00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:29,074
threw it at her.
288
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,077
We've been married 20 years.
289
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,980
You can't walk across
a room every time.
290
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,315
Can I say something?
291
00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:38,751
You make a nice veal.
Go ahead.
292
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,820
Well, I don't think
it matters
293
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,922
if you've been married
20 years or two weeks.
294
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:45,558
Women want you to make
a little bit of an effort.
295
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,226
I mean, for no reason,
296
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:50,229
Jeff came home today
and had built me
the cutest bear.
297
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:59,405
All right, so you people
are the experts
298
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,641
on the creepy teddy bear
love thing,
299
00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:04,176
I give myself over to you.
300
00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:06,478
What can I do to make
this right with Joy?
301
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:09,315
Well, clearly
you need to propose
the right way.
302
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:12,484
Okay, so tell me
how I should get engaged
to my wife,
303
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,621
who I've been married
to since you were five?
304
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:17,022
And don't say hiking,
305
00:14:17,122 --> 00:14:20,893
because I'm allergic
to most grasses and barks.
306
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:23,262
Well, you could go
for the classic.
307
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,664
A trail of rose petals
leading up to your bedroom,
308
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:30,135
and then when she gets there,
she discovers you with
like a thousand lit candles.
309
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:31,670
Hmm?
310
00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:33,239
Okay, that's a trip
to two stores.
311
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,674
What else you got?
312
00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:37,877
There was this one thing
I thought about
doing for Steph
313
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:39,345
before I came up
with the hike idea.
314
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:40,913
What was that?
315
00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:43,148
Well, I was going to jump
out of a small plane
316
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:45,384
and then parachute down
into this field
317
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,887
where there would be
a string quartet playing,
318
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:50,856
and then I'd pull the ring
out of my jumper.
319
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:52,992
Oh.
320
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,427
What?
321
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:57,162
That sounds so great.
322
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,833
Why didn't you do that?
323
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:02,935
Because hiking
was our thing.
324
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:04,870
I thought
it would be more us.
325
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:08,207
I know, the plane
and the parachute.
326
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,510
It's so dramatic.
327
00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,846
It's a great story
to tell people.
328
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,681
And hiking is
a great story, too.
329
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:17,082
I went up at 3:00
in the morning.
330
00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:20,252
It was pretty scary.
I saw a baby wolf.
331
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:21,987
Yeah.
332
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,990
Can we just make
the parachute thing
our story from now on?
333
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,626
I don't want to make
that our story.
We have a great story.
334
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,461
Let's just try it
and see how people respond.
335
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,063
No. I think that's weird.
336
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:34,066
All right, this is awkward.
I got to go.
337
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,201
I'll bring back your plate.
338
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,046
Whoa.
339
00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:58,691
Eddie?
340
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,714
So, you found me.
341
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,120
Yeah.
342
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,789
What is all this?
343
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:36,495
Well, I just wanted
to welcome you home
with some rose petals
344
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,098
and candles and...
345
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:43,369
By the way,
there's nothing on fire
downstairs, is there?
346
00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:46,205
No. It's like a Sting video.
347
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,879
Anyway, I did all this.
Wait, wait, wait.
348
00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:56,715
You stay standing and I'll...
349
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,259
Ignore the awkward hole
in my pajamas.
350
00:17:17,903 --> 00:17:21,974
None of us needs to see
what we're seeing right now.
351
00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,510
I will look
straight ahead.
352
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:25,978
Good.
353
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:31,116
Um, getting back
to all this,
354
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:35,087
this ring, Joy,
is a symbol of our love,
355
00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:37,256
and though it is beautiful,
356
00:17:37,356 --> 00:17:40,259
it's not nearly
as beautiful as you.
357
00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:45,531
And if you'll have me,
358
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:48,767
I would very much like
for you to be my wife
359
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,270
still.
360
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,008
And now if you can
help me get up,
361
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:58,644
I heard a very weird click
in my knee.
362
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,647
There you go.
363
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,183
That was very sweet,
honey.
364
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:05,784
{\an5}-Oh, the ring,
the ring. Yeah.
-Yes.
365
00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:07,252
Ready?
366
00:18:07,352 --> 00:18:08,487
Ha ha! Huh?
367
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,691
Come here.
368
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:14,860
{\an5}-Thank you. I love it.
-Sure.
369
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:19,031
Great. So, you happy? Huh?
370
00:18:19,131 --> 00:18:20,265
You got your diamond.
371
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:22,868
You can go out now
and flash it around
372
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:25,404
like a fancy married lady.
373
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,541
It's great.
374
00:18:33,712 --> 00:18:34,913
Oh, Lord.
375
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:38,617
I'm sorry.
That didn't come out right.
376
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:40,786
(STAMMERING)
I love it.
377
00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:42,521
It's very sweet.
378
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:44,723
What's wrong?
379
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:46,258
I don't know.
380
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:51,830
I mean, I know that
you're trying so hard
381
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,534
to get this right
with everything and...
382
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,903
It's just that
the Woodcocks can have
a candlelight dinner
383
00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:02,508
on a Tuesday
and it doesn't feel
forced at all,
384
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,977
and it's just not
that easy for us
385
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,379
to get this stuff
going anymore.
386
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,549
It feels kind of fake.
387
00:19:11,750 --> 00:19:13,118
Thoughts?
388
00:19:15,287 --> 00:19:19,625
Ooh, well,
there's a lot of stuff flying
around right now, um,
389
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:21,927
punching, smothering...
390
00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:26,265
A running kick, maybe.
391
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:29,401
I'm sorry.
392
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,203
It's my fault.
393
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,438
I thought that this ring
would be, you know,
394
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:36,608
like a thing for us,
a symbol of our love.
395
00:19:36,708 --> 00:19:38,877
But...
396
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:42,181
I guess that part
of our life is just over.
397
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,550
That's what
I've been telling you.
398
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,457
I know, and I guess
you were right.
399
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,595
It's so quiet.
400
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,339
The toilet's not
running anymore.
401
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:08,807
Oh, yeah.
402
00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:12,044
On the way home
from the mall, I stopped
at the hardware store
403
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:15,013
and picked up a flapper.
404
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:17,549
After all this,
it ended up only costing
405
00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:20,419
a couple of dollars
to fix the whole thing.
406
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:22,921
I can't believe
you did that.
407
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,856
You didn't
even say anything.
408
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:27,259
Oh, I don't like to showboat.
409
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:32,631
You fixed the toilet.
410
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:35,434
I fixed the toilet.
411
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:40,505
Could you say that
in that low, deep,
sexy voice again?
412
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,343
(IN DEEP VOICE)
I fixed the toilet.
413
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:01,260
{\an8}And then I look up,
414
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,928
{\an8}and guess
who's floating down
415
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:05,130
{\an8}on a parachute
like an angel?
416
00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:07,532
{\an8}It was me.
417
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,803
{\an8}And then right
when he hit the ground, he...
418
00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:14,172
{\an8}Tell them, honey.
419
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,942
{\an8}I cued the string quartet
with a flare gun.
420
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,977
{\an8}And then he reached
into his jumper,
421
00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:21,046
{\an8}and pulled out this.
422
00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:24,449
{\an8}Isn't that the most romantic
thing you've ever heard?
423
00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:26,285
{\an8}Honey, can we go back
to our table, now?
424
00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:28,553
{\an8}Yeah. Great
to meet you guys.
33476
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