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1
00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:01,634
♪ All Right!
2
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:02,702
♪ Hey!
3
00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:05,038
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
4
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:12,379
{\an8}Smell that meat.
5
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:14,414
{\an8}How is this not a cologne?
6
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:18,418
{\an8}Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's happening here?
7
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,520
{\an8}I'm grilling the corn.
I read
it's supposed to taste better.
8
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:21,721
{\an8}Slide your steaks over.
9
00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:24,057
{\an8}I'm not moving my meat
for a vegetable.
10
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:25,425
{\an8}Move your corn, lady.
11
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,559
{\an8}You move it.
12
00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:29,029
{\an8}Oh, I will.
13
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:31,031
{\an8}I'm getting my tongs.
14
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:36,036
{\an8}Unpleasant.
15
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:37,804
{\an8}Ooh, sorry.
16
00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:40,840
{\an8}We were just playing
a little Frisbee
before dinner.
17
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,142
{\an8}Well, we didn't mean
to interrupt.
18
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:43,977
{\an8}I'll see you tomorrow
for car pool, right, Eddie?
19
00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:45,311
{\an8}Okay then.
20
00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:52,385
{\an8}Ha ha!
21
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,455
{\an8}Thank you so much
for having us.
22
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,090
{\an8}JOY: No problem.
23
00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:01,361
{\an8}Can I speak to you?
What the hell is going on?
24
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:02,929
{\an8}I'm gone for two seconds,
and I come out,
25
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:04,531
{\an8}and Woodcock's
breathing on my meat?
26
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:06,299
{\an8}I invited them over.
27
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:07,767
{\an8}They were staring
at the grill.
I didn't know what to do.
28
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,869
{\an8}Well, this is not
company meat, okay?
29
00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:12,639
{\an8}This is the private stuff
from the catalog.
30
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,008
{\an8}Okay. All right, thank you.
31
00:01:18,711 --> 00:01:19,913
{\an8}Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
32
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,948
{\an8}(STAMMERING) What are
you doing there, chief?
33
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:23,550
{\an8}Uh, sitting.
34
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,318
{\an8}Okay, we don't sit
in these chairs, okay?
35
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,487
{\an8}They're old.
36
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,823
{\an8}You have to ease, okay?
37
00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:35,528
Oh, my gosh!
Are you okay?
38
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:37,097
Aw, my chair.
39
00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:41,101
Thank you, Steph.
I'm fine.
40
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,239
All right, this is...
41
00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:48,441
This is the better one here.
42
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:55,281
Oh!
43
00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:59,886
Nobody says a word.
44
00:01:59,986 --> 00:02:02,088
You know, I could go
get some folding chairs.
45
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,524
Thank you, Jeff.
Eddie, help him.
46
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:10,830
Well, the good news
is now you can get
new patio furniture.
47
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,065
Yay.
48
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:15,168
What? Won't that be fun?
49
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,537
I hate shopping with Eddie.
50
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,973
Oh, 'cause
he's really annoying?
51
00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:23,209
Yeah, but you're not
allowed to say that.
52
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,544
Sorry.
53
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:25,912
You know,
he makes buying anything
54
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,747
into this huge,
drawn-out process.
55
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:28,915
He has to do
all this research,
56
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:30,817
and then he has
all these opinions.
57
00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:32,852
He goes into
the chat rooms,
58
00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:34,754
gets blocked
from the chat rooms.
59
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:37,490
{\an5}-Yeah, shopping with Jeff
can be a real pain, too.
-Yeah.
60
00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:41,227
That's why
whenever I want something
for the house, I...
61
00:02:41,594 --> 00:02:43,596
What?
62
00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:45,231
Just there's a way
to make it easier.
63
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,332
What? What way?
64
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,234
Well...
65
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:52,405
I tell Jeff if he lets me buy
whatever I want, sight unseen,
66
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:55,642
I'll make it
worth his while.
67
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,076
What do you mean
"make it worth his while"?
68
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,711
What do you do,
rub his feet or something?
69
00:02:58,811 --> 00:03:00,780
Mmm-hmm. And other parts.
70
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,517
I get kind of freaky.
71
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:07,086
(LAUGHS)
72
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,123
Are you telling me
that you trade sex
for furniture?
73
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,225
No.
74
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:15,461
Oh. I guess I am.
75
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:18,431
That is...
76
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,934
This is brilliant!
77
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,037
♪ Hey!
78
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,538
♪ Oh!
79
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:27,240
♪ All right ♪
80
00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,108
(PEOPLE CHEERING ON TV)
81
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,547
Hey, what'd you just do
to the television?
82
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:36,349
I turned it off.
83
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:38,818
That is an option
in some homes.
84
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:41,621
Listen, I have been out
shopping for patio furniture,
85
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,223
and I found something
that I like.
86
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:46,359
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, lady, okay?
87
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:48,428
There's a lot to consider.
88
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,864
You got your aluminum,
your wrought iron,
your premium teak.
89
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,334
I know, I know.
It is a complicated issue.
90
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,469
Here is a way
to make it simple.
91
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,405
If you let me buy
the furniture that I want,
92
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,308
sight unseen,
no questions asked,
93
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,911
I will have sex with you
right now.
94
00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:18,358
Say again.
95
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:22,996
You heard me.
Patio furniture for sex.
96
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:26,299
Daytime sex?
97
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,002
Daytime sex.
98
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,070
In the day?
99
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:34,574
That is why
it's called daytime sex.
100
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,242
Well, you realize
it'll be light out.
101
00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:38,177
I'll be able to see you.
102
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:41,781
Yes.
103
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:44,484
And you'll be able to see me.
104
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:46,386
I will see you.
You will see me.
105
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:49,188
It'll be like
we're doin' it together.
106
00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:53,293
Interesting.
107
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,995
This is a highly
unorthodox offer.
108
00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:58,731
Where would this
"sex in the day" happen?
109
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:01,301
Gentleman's choice.
110
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,204
{\an5}-On the couch?
-Couch it is.
111
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,840
No, wait, wait, wait.
I'm not committing.
112
00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:11,678
Not committing
to the couch yet.
113
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,262
Stairs?
114
00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,999
Wherever your
trick knee allows.
115
00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:38,071
Keep in mind we eat there.
116
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,372
Okay.
117
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,343
So let's say
we're gonna have
118
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,378
the daytime sex
on the couch.
119
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:47,246
What kind of sex
are we talking about?
120
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,582
(CHUCKLING)
Oh, anything you want.
121
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,284
That we've done.
122
00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,856
Including the thing
in Mexico?
123
00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:59,058
You feel you're up to it?
124
00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:00,827
I don't even have to
brush my teeth?
125
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:02,595
I just ate a hoagie.
126
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:12,171
Okay, fine.
127
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:14,407
I'll have the daytime sex
on the couch,
128
00:06:14,507 --> 00:06:16,309
despite the hoagie.
129
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,077
Wow.
130
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,382
How bad is this
patio furniture?
131
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,685
You see, that is the thing.
132
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:28,187
You don't get to hear
anything about the furniture.
133
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:31,457
You have to agree to my choice
sight unseen,
134
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:34,827
and I am all yours
right here, right now.
135
00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:37,563
How 'bout it, cowboy?
136
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:44,070
Pass.
137
00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:57,683
Did you just say "pass"?
138
00:06:58,184 --> 00:06:59,452
I did.
139
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,655
To sex?
140
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,457
That is correct.
141
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:08,261
Okay, wait.
Just to make this
incredibly clear,
142
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:12,298
you just chose
patio furniture over sex
with me.
143
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:15,435
I've had sex with you.
I know what it's about.
144
00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:18,971
You say "Oh," I say "Oh,"
145
00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:20,339
then you run
into the bathroom
146
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,942
and I try to find my socks
in the bed.
147
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,878
But patio furniture, that...
148
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:30,483
I cannot believe this.
149
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:34,387
I mean, I have got some
good stuff going on here.
150
00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,856
My body is
a freakin' wonderland.
151
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,593
When did we get to a point
in our marriage
152
00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:44,030
where I couldn't have
patio furniture for sex?
153
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:49,368
When did they cancel
Knight Rider?
154
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:03,583
I haven't had it since KITT,
the talking car?
155
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,753
You are an ass.
156
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:10,223
Hey, look,
I was just sitting here,
minding my own business,
157
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:12,225
having some
lovely cheese doodles,
158
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,726
and all of a sudden,
you're forcing me
159
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:17,363
to pick between
patio furniture
and your bouncy house.
160
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:22,134
I didn't realize it would be
such a tough choice!
161
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,338
You see? That's what happens
when the TV's off!
162
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:29,008
♪ Oh! Ah, ah, ah! ♪
163
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,677
(HUMMING)
164
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,816
Enough with
the humming, Woodcock.
165
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:38,851
Either sing it or shut up.
166
00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:41,354
Sorry.
167
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,960
How loud do you breathe?
168
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,630
You're like a foghorn.
169
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:52,565
I can't stop breathing, Eddie.
170
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:55,968
Well, we gotta
come up with something,
because this is brutal.
171
00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:58,437
What is with you?
You've been in a bad mood
all day.
172
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,006
I have not.
173
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,874
You made the lunch lady cry.
174
00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:04,377
It's called
Chicken a la King,
not Chicken a la Band-Aid.
175
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,079
She should have gloved up.
176
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:10,650
Fine. I'm mistaken.
You are
a little ray of sunshine.
177
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,557
Joy and I got into
this fight yesterday.
178
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,559
She came home
with this crazy idea
179
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:22,628
that we should trade
patio furniture for sex.
180
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,097
Really? What, like
181
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:26,632
if you agree to the furniture
without looking at it,
182
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:29,201
she'll make it
"worth your while"?
183
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,571
Yeah. How'd you know?
184
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,906
Steph and I,
we do the same thing.
185
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:41,180
So my wife got the idea
from your wife.
186
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,182
(SCOFFS) I bet she did.
187
00:09:45,051 --> 00:09:46,686
Get out.
188
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:48,854
{\an5}-What?
-Get out of my car.
189
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,258
We're still moving.
190
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,894
I don't care.
I don't want you or your wife
191
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:57,396
or your "get your freak on"
furniture selves
192
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:58,731
anywhere near me.
193
00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:00,800
Would you calm down?
It's just a game.
194
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:02,868
It's a sweet, wonderful game.
195
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:05,738
No, no. Uno is
a sweet, wonderful game.
196
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:08,407
{\an5}-This is prostitution.
-What?
197
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:09,575
That's right. You heard me.
198
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,944
Your wife is
a furniture hooker.
199
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,647
She may not be walking
the docks in high heels
200
00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:16,682
trying to drum up business
during fleet week,
201
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,751
but the effect is the same.
202
00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:20,753
No, it is not.
203
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:24,156
Look, you're young.
You may not realize it
yet, okay?
204
00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:26,258
But you are trading
a moment of pleasure
205
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:29,695
for a lifetime of furniture
that you had no say in.
206
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,297
Well, that's not a problem,
207
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:33,332
because there is nothing
that she picked out
208
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,035
that I would not
have bought myself.
209
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:38,070
Oh, really?
210
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:44,276
So the berry farm's out back?
211
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,379
You don't need a farm
to have a berry sign.
212
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,914
It's called folk art.
213
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,316
{\an5}-Folk art.
-Mmm-hmm.
214
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,118
Shame on you.
215
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,822
What the hell is that?
216
00:10:56,922 --> 00:11:00,292
It's a gardening bench with
a distressed patina finish.
217
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,895
Oh, my God.
218
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:06,866
Okay, all right, all right,
well, that one slipped by me,
219
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,135
but I'm okay
with everything else
in here.
220
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,469
Like this chair.
221
00:11:10,569 --> 00:11:12,905
Steph got this chair here
especially for me.
222
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:16,175
It's very masculine,
she calls it my throne.
223
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:20,546
Looks like a shell.
224
00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:25,217
No, it doesn't.
Hey, manly chairs
can be scalloped.
225
00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:29,021
I can't imagine
the horror that's happening
in your bedroom.
226
00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:36,128
JEFF: Oh, my God!
227
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,269
Well, could be worse.
228
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,005
You could have a shelf
of dolls on the wall.
229
00:11:50,142 --> 00:11:52,144
You got one of those
somewhere, don't you?
230
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:56,882
They're First Ladies,
they're not technically dolls.
231
00:11:56,982 --> 00:11:59,051
You know, you don't have
to enjoy this so much.
232
00:11:59,151 --> 00:12:02,254
I'm sorry.
Well, look, at least
you still have this,
233
00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:04,390
the big, ugly man dresser.
234
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:07,693
Yeah. Yeah, she calls
that "fine for now."
235
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:09,862
She's been wanting a new one.
236
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:11,964
Oh, I bet she has.
237
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,265
All right,
now listen to me, Woodcock.
238
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:14,700
This is what you're gonna do.
239
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,702
You're gonna
stand your ground.
240
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,871
The next time
your wife tries to seduce you
241
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:22,575
into trading your joeys
for a pair of antique sconces,
242
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,510
you're gonna say no.
243
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,813
I gotta go.
244
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,850
The smell of potpourri
is making me nauseous.
245
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:35,054
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! ♪
246
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:37,890
Guess what, Joy?
247
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:41,160
Your sick little neighborhood
sex trade is over.
248
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,030
I just spoke
to Woodcock, and he...
249
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:46,098
Joy!
250
00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:47,700
JOY: Out here!
251
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:49,769
Ha!
252
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,109
What did you do, woman?
253
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:01,213
I bought patio furniture.
254
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:04,784
But you just can't
buy furniture.
255
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:07,820
Actually, you can.
256
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,157
And it turns out
if you don't have
an annoying giant with you,
257
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:13,526
it only takes
about 15 minutes.
258
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,863
But I didn't take the sex.
259
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,699
Bet you're regretting
that about now, huh?
260
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,536
Joy, I had ideas.
261
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,138
I have wood samples
and fabric swatches.
262
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:28,874
Did you know that
Relax The Back and NASA
263
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,277
are working together
on a smart foam?
264
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,345
No, you didn't know.
You know why?
265
00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:36,482
Because you don't
do the research!
266
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:39,819
You just can't change
how we make decisions.
267
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:42,688
Yeah? Well, a lot
of things change.
268
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:44,390
You used to want
to have sex with me.
269
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,892
Then America falls out of love
with Knight Rider,
270
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,061
and it's a different world.
271
00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:52,264
Now I pick the furniture.
272
00:13:58,437 --> 00:14:00,873
It doesn't even glide.
273
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:03,175
You know I like to glide.
274
00:14:03,275 --> 00:14:05,978
This is why
we had a shopping protocol,
275
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:09,315
because you deliberately,
deliberately seek out things
that I hate,
276
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:12,785
and I will hate this furniture
for the rest of my life.
277
00:14:16,155 --> 00:14:17,423
All right.
278
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:22,361
Well, I guess I'll take
my daytime sex now.
279
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:28,701
It's almost dusk.
Let's get it going.
280
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:32,338
Oh, I'm afraid that offer
is no longer on the table.
281
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:33,472
Or the couch.
282
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:34,840
(CACKLING)
283
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:42,181
Wait a minute.
So you get the furniture,
and I get nothing?
284
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:43,983
Pretty much, yeah.
285
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:46,452
Fine.
286
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,287
I'll do it myself.
287
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:52,858
♪ Ow!
288
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,994
♪ Ow, ow! ♪
289
00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:59,632
There's my handsome husband.
290
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,800
Yeah. Here I am
291
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,602
on my scalloped chair.
292
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,606
So, on my way back
from the library,
293
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,942
I dropped off
your dry cleaning,
294
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:13,212
and guess what I saw
in the store next door.
295
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:14,813
A new dresser?
296
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,348
Oh, yeah.
297
00:15:18,817 --> 00:15:21,153
Does it have a patina?
298
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,455
Shh. No more talking.
299
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:33,766
It's on.
300
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,768
(LET'S GET IT ON PLAYING)
301
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:38,837
Wait, wait. Wait. Stop.
302
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,806
{\an5}-What's wrong?
-I can't do this.
303
00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:42,775
But you love doing this.
304
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:44,910
But it's wrong.
305
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,445
No, it's not.
306
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:50,816
I'm tired of living
in a berry patch.
307
00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:52,651
{\an5}-What?
-Yeah.
308
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:56,288
Look and I'm tired of
your baskets
and your dried flowers
309
00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:58,524
and your crates
from the French bakeries,
310
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:01,827
and I cannot stand
all that girly crap
in the bathroom.
311
00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:03,629
I washed my hands
for 15 minutes
312
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,398
before I realized
I was rubbing a candle.
313
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,970
A man lives here, a manly man
314
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,672
who drinks beer
and guts fish and
315
00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:15,908
throws boomerangs!
316
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:20,846
Enough!
Stop trying to seduce me,
you furniture hooker.
317
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:25,684
Did you just
call me a hooker?
318
00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:27,786
(PHONE RINGING)
319
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:32,191
Hello.
320
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:35,260
Forget what I said.
They can go out and buy
the furniture anyway.
321
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:41,200
She found a new dresser,
and I stood my ground.
322
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,769
There is no ground.
Abort mission.
323
00:16:46,138 --> 00:16:48,607
Take the sex
before it's too late.
324
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,348
Hey there, bunny.
325
00:16:58,283 --> 00:16:59,818
(DOOR SLAMMING)
326
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,993
Bet you're feelin'
pretty good, aren't you?
327
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:11,196
Yep.
328
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:14,133
Pretty smug on
your frilly wrought iron.
329
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:17,569
I'm ridin' a nice buzz, yeah.
330
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:21,507
Well, you can ride it
straight to hell.
331
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:23,842
Because what
you have done today
332
00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:25,844
hasn't just ruined our patio,
333
00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:27,312
which incidentally looks like
334
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:29,982
it's owned by a gay man
in Palm Springs.
335
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,729
But you also ruined sex.
336
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:46,799
That's right.
You took something
that we did together,
337
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,501
that was beautiful,
though infrequent,
338
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,772
and you made it
a commodity,
339
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,675
something to trade,
something dirty.
340
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,583
And not the good dirty,
like we had in Mexico.
341
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,427
(SLURPING)
342
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,069
Hi.
343
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:25,437
Hello.
344
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:28,173
What you readin'?
345
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:29,608
A book.
346
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,616
What are you after now,
a new set of stemware?
347
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:40,252
Come on, Eddie.
348
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:42,621
Fine.
349
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,291
Do your business
and then hit IKEA.
350
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,394
I'll just shut off inside.
351
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:00,973
Come on, I'm sorry.
352
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:02,841
Really.
353
00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:05,410
I mean, Steph just told me
about the whole
sex-for-furniture thing,
354
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:09,681
and I thought that
it was kind of a fun way
of getting what I want.
355
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:11,683
But I realize
356
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,320
we're not them.
357
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,724
I mean, it would have
worked for us 20 years ago.
358
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:19,858
Right?
359
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:23,428
You kiddin'?
360
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,330
Back then, I would've let you
furnish the entire house
361
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,933
just to watch you
walk out of the room.
362
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:29,768
You got a great onion.
363
00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:33,472
I mean, with Jeff and Steph
364
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:36,608
it's all so magical
and undiscovered,
365
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,178
and for us, I've...
366
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:41,513
I've seen you
move a rug naked.
367
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:47,286
Well, technically
I did have flip-flops on.
368
00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:53,659
Anyway...
369
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:59,298
I would really like
to keep the furniture.
370
00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:00,699
But listen, instead of sex,
371
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,701
I would like to
offer you something else,
372
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:06,038
something that I think
actually might arouse you.
373
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,676
Mail-order beef?
374
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:13,845
I'm giving you 25 pounds
of whatever you want.
375
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,847
Even if it's dry, aged
Kobe beef
376
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:19,384
in its own
commemorative chuck wagon?
377
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:20,752
{\an5}-Done.
-Okay, wait, wait.
378
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,554
I'm not committing
to the chuck wagon.
379
00:20:22,654 --> 00:20:26,124
Ooh, the words
"bacon-wrapped"
just caught my attention.
380
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,826
Oh! Chops!
381
00:20:30,195 --> 00:20:32,598
I am so turned on
to you right now.
382
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:33,732
I love you, too.
383
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:36,068
No, no.
Leave the catalog open.
384
00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:41,173
(MOANING)
385
00:20:41,273 --> 00:20:42,774
(GIGGLING)
386
00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:46,378
♪ Hey, baby!
387
00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:50,682
♪ Yo, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
388
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:53,185
♪ Hey
389
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,820
♪ Ta-na-na ♪
390
00:20:55,287 --> 00:20:57,155
Hey, neighbor.
391
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,858
{\an8}So, uh, got to keep
my dresser.
392
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:02,160
{\an8}Yep. I mean, you know,
Steph pointed out
393
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,263
{\an8}that it didn't really go
with anything else
that we had,
394
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:06,765
{\an8}so she painted it white
and distressed it a bit,
395
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:10,402
{\an8}and added some
antique crystal pulls,
but still...
396
00:21:10,502 --> 00:21:13,472
{\an8}A win's a win.
You know what I'm saying?
397
00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:16,508
{\an8}Let me address
the giant elephant
in the room.
398
00:21:17,409 --> 00:21:18,844
{\an8}All this meat
399
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:20,879
{\an8}is for me.
400
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:29,454
{\an8}♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey ♪
30136
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