All language subtitles for Batman S02E21 - The Impractical Joker (Part 1)-eng

NARRATOR". Another bright, brisk morning
in Gotham City.

For such a bustling metropolis,
the day seems to have begun quite normally.

But wait, do we sense
something slightly off-key?

Here in the Keyborn Bookstore perhaps?

Or in the Keynote Music Shop?

Or even in the sacred precincts...

...of the ultra conservative
Gotham City Key Club?

Meanwhile, at Wayne Manor...

...stately home of millionaire Bruce Wayne
and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson...

All right, take it from the top, Dick.
Ahem. Besides its famous apes...

...and the part it's always played in history,
the Rock of Gibraltar is also famous for...?

-It's the key to the Mediterranean.
-Aha.

Right, Dick.

You might make that the keynote
of your geography paper.

- A headache, Bruce?
-No, no, just a bit weary.

But thanks to the brief respite
from crime-fighting...

...which we seem to be enjoying,
my energies will be quickly restored.

What?

Upside down?

Pointing the wrong way?

Hmm. We'll get right on it.

That was the manager
of the Keystone Building.

Someone has been playing havoc
with the big sign identifying it.

Probably the work of some prankster, heh,
or some joker.

Jo-- Of course, Chief O'Hara.

Who else but that malevolent mischief-maker
could be taunting us again...

...with his capricious capers?

You still don't think
we should call the Caped Crusader?

When books, records and files
are involved, Chief O'Hara...

...I think that we should try
to tackle the problem ourselves...

...but when it comes to tampering
with the buildings of our fine city...

...we have no other choice.

I think I found it, Bruce.

I'm afraid you spoke too soon, sir.
Let me answer it for you.

I can always think up a bit of a taradiddle.

No, Alfred, if the commissioner needs us,
this is no time for a white lie, even the smallest.

- Yes, commissioner?
-I'm afraid it's the Joker again, Batman.

We'll be right there.

To the Batpoles.

We're having the locks replaced
in this building.

And when the new keys arrived today,
this was in with them.

- Holy vertebra.
- Indeed.

A macabre little opener.

Read the attached note.

"Latched or mastered,
skeletoned or passed...

...spot the Scot before you're outclassed."

Latched or mastered?

I suspect he used the past tense
to further confuse us, Robin.

Latch, master, pass, skeleton.

They're all terms which refer to keys.

Like the Key Club or the Keystone Building.

Some seventh sense tells me
that this particular Scot...

...is billionaire Angus Ferguson...

...the famous Scottish collector
who's currently visiting our fair city.

Just what I was thinking, Batman,
now that you, uh, reminded me.

Obviously there is a connection here.

Mr. Ferguson is having a private showing
today of his fabulous collection of keys.

How can anyone
have a fabulous collection of keys?

There are some famous keys
in the world, Robin.

Of which Angus Ferguson
has either the original or an exact replica...

...including the piéce de résistance
of his current show...

...the famous Jeweled Key of Kaincardine...

...handed down through the ages
from one Scottish ruler to another.

Hmm. Holy key ring. Where is this showing?

At his private suite at Gotham Towers.

We have as many of our men
posted there as we can spare...

...but, ha, ha, if this note is from the Joker...

I suggest we take a look...

...at Ferguson's fabulous collection of keys.

Ah. This should do it.

Ah. Ah!

At last, success
beyond even my wildest dreams.

Success, Joker, because you can turn
an itsy-bitsy key in an itsy-bitsy box?

Glad you could tear yourself away
from that mirror for one minute, Cornelia...

...to admire my latest triumph.

This box, and particularly
this key I've just made...

...could be the downfall of those audacious
adversaries, Batman and Robin...

...and give me free reign
to pursue my cunning career. Ha, ha!

- How did you make the box, Joker?
-Oh, out of bits and pieces, lads.

Odds and ends, cheese paddings,
lightning bugs, cockroach shells...

...all combined with my talents
in other fields, of course. Ha, ha.

But enough of this chitchat.

I am off to make my first experiment.

And when I return, I suspect I will not only
have confounded the Dynamic Duo...

...but I will have in my possession
the Jeweled Key of Kaincardine.

- The what?
-Ho-ho-ho.

The diamonds with which it is encrusted
are worth a king's ransom, Cornelia.

Not to mention the rubies in its loop,
the emeralds in its stern...

...the sapphires in its collar,
and the fire opals in its bit.

Ah. It's so good.

Aye.

The Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder.

Well, it's good to have you here.

Help yourself to a doch-an-dorris.

It's a breath of heather
from me brewster, my golly.

Thank you, Mr. Ferguson,
but we'd just like to browse a bit.

Browse, aye, browse.
Browse to the content of your stout heart.

What's a doch-an-dorris?

Gaelic for stirrup cup, Robin.

- A drink usually taken on parting.
-You think he wants to get rid of us'?

I think we should try to act
as casual as possible, old chum.

Hmm.

A rare acquisition.

"The key to the Bastille cell block in which
the man in the iron mask was imprisoned."

How could Mr. Ferguson have gotten that?

A golden key opens every lock, Robin.

Shall we?

Holy keyhole.

If there's any dirty work afoot, you can be sure
this key is the hoped-for target.

It must be worth a fortune.

More than a fortune, Boy Wonder.

It's priceless.

And you're right, Batman,
my target is the Jeweled Key of Kaincardine.

Which, luckily,
we will prevent you from obtaining.

Ho-ho! I wonder, Caped Crusader.

I anticipated your presence here today.

And I believe my newest invention
will render you helpless...

...while I transfer ownership
of the priceless jeweled key.

- Are you all right, Robin?
-I think so, Batman. What happened?

- I'm not sure.
-Look, it's gone.

It certainly is gone.

It most certainly is gone.

And if that key is nay found
and returned at once...

...I'll sue this city for $8,000,523
and a threepenny bit.

- But, Mr. Ferguson--
-The charge will be grand larceny.

You'll hear from my law agent
because you can say "Jack McRobinson."

And you, you two muttonheads,
after I offered you a wee doch-an-dorris...

Gotham City still holds you
in great esteem, Dynamic Duo.

The word, uh, "muttonheads"
was most unfortunate.

It was right.

We were standing in that alcove
while the Joker made off with the jeweled key.

It's hard to explain.

What did happen, Batman?

He had some kind of contraption,
a small box with a key.

Which sparked and hummed.

He said it would render us helpless
while he pulled off the robbery.

And it did.

Although, I don't know exactly how yet.

If this device could do that
to the two of you, think--

I have thought, commissioner.

The theft of the Jeweled Key
of Kaincardine...

...is only secondary.

There are many devious tricks
up that crafty clown's sleeve.

He must be stopped...

...before he makes a laughing stock,
not only of Robin and me...

...your fine department...

...but all of Gotham City.

And in conclusion, let me repeat the hope
that Batman and Robin...

...were in no way helping the Joker
steal the Jeweled Key of Kaincardine...

...from Mr. Ferguson's collection today...

...just because the Dynamic Duo
stood by ineffectively.

Ineffectively?

What an unpleasant innuendo.

There is a rumor around Gotham City tonight
that the Joker has some new invention...

...against which the Caped Crusader
and the Boy Wonder are powerless.

Enough of rumors.

It's about time for The Green Hornet.

You're right, Bruce.

Citizens of Gotham City, this is the Joker.

Corning to you through your key station
via my high-powered jamming system...

...and particularly addressing Batman,
wherever you are.

Foiled, failed, frustrated and so defenseless,
I'll even give you a clue to my next crime.

Don't give a hoot for the hobnailed,
but look for a bow and a bobtail.

Joker is in one of his more generous moods
providing us with clues.

Let's provide him with a little action.

To the Batpoles.

In his strange and evil way, Robin...

...the Joker sometimes exhibits
a bit of twisted honesty.

I think we can ignore the first half of the clue
as he suggested...

...and concentrate
on "look for a bow and bobtails."

What do you mean, "twisted honesty"?
He's trying to stomp us, isn't he?

Let's say he wants us
to take his tricky bait the hard way.

Like we did today.

I think I have the solution to that too, Robin.

When he was younger,
the Joker was a well-known hypnotist.

- Holy mesmerism.
-Exactly.

Catching us off-guard...

...and using that ingenious box and key
as a temporary diversion...

...he momentarily had us in his power.

But that's water under the bridge.
Now, "look for a bow and bobtails." A bow.

Bow nut, bowline, bowlegs, Bo Peep--
Rainbow?

No, I suspect there is some other key t--

Key.

Of course. The loop of a key.

The handle is also called a bow.

Now, bobtails.

Bobtailed horse, bobtailed drawbridge.

Bobtailed flush in poker, bobtailed lynx.

Lynx? Cufflinks? A golf course?

L-Y-N-X.

A bobtailed species of wild cat
with a valuable fur varying in color of--

That's it, Robin.

And the way he emphasized
"foiled, failed, frustrated and defenseless."

Sure, Batman.

He must have the key
to Franchin's Fancy Fur Salon. Let's go.

One moment, Robin.

This requires unusual precaution.

Oh, I know diamonds are supposed
to be a girl's best friend...

...but I could get real chummy
with some mink or ermine.

Oh, I'll take three or four of these
and a couple of gorillas.

I think you mean chinchilla, Cornelia.

One of the rarest and most costly of furs.

Oh, well, that's exactly what I mean.

Aren't you afraid we'll get caught
in a place like this, this time of night?

Ha. With my duplicate key
to the manager's office...

...we came through his private entrance.

Which has no burglar alarm.

And Latch and Bolt
are in the front hall, on guard.

Ho-ho! With two recruits. Ha, ha!

But what about the clue
you broadcast to Batman?

Aha. Precisely why I brought
my little magic box.

I'm looking forward
to giving Batman and Robin...

...another taste of its unique power.

- This time the joke's going to be on the Joker.
-So let's get the jump on him.

Ooh! Ho-ho-ho!

Good evening, friends.

Something's wrong.
The key must be broken.

It's not the key to that box that's broken,
Joker, it's your hypnotic power over us.

Well, it worked before.

This time we took our counter-hypnosis
Bat-pellets from our Bat-capsule dispensary.

Latch, Bolt, everybody!

Nothing but some wires and a little battery.

Exactly, Robin.

We didn't give him time to induce hypnosis.

But as I've said, that monstrous mountebank
is full of mad maneuvers.

Would you like me
to bring down some breakfast, sir?

The human body can only go so long
without proper food, drink and sleep.

It's only been one night, Alfred.

And we have to trap the Joker
once and for all.

If I might suggest a thought, sir?

Oh, please, do.

It struck me that recently most of his messages
have involved twists on words.

Wordplays on keys, particularly.

Now, if in his private life--

Precisely the course
we've been pursuing, Alfred.

Robin, what have you come up with?

Keyboard, key bugle, key fruit,
keynote address...

...key signature, Keystone State.

Uh, by "private life,"
I meant a change of identity.

Possibly an assumed name.

- Holy pseudonym.
-Of course, Alfred, why didn't we think of that?

Would you mind handing me
the telephone directory?

- Here you are, sir.
-Thank you.

I programmed a Batcomputer feedback circuit
to isolate key name metaphors...

...in the greater Gotham City
telephone directory.

It's gotta be one of these.

Mrs. Carrie B. Keypin.

No, I don't think he'd
be masquerading as a woman.

- The Locker Room?
-An English grill I occasionally frequent.

Superb suet pudding.

Louie Latch?

What about this one? Clavier Ankh.

- Clavier Ankh? What kind of a name is that?
-A very revealing name, Robin.

The clavier is the keyboard of an organ.

An ankh is a sacred Egyptian cross
symbolizing the key of life.

Gosh, Batman.

And the address.

"Number 1, Dugan Alley."

That's worthy of note.

-It's a cool pad, Joker.
-Ha.

All you've seen of this cool pad, Cornelia,
is that mirror. Vanity is a waste of time.

I never look at myself.

Well, I'm younger, Joker, and a girl.

And it is a cool pad.

Well, it will do for the purpose.

Do you think Batman's
smart enough to find it?

Oh, he's an adversary
almost worthy of me, Cornelia...

...but soon will only be the skeleton of one.

And sooner than I planned, in fact.
There's the Batmobile now.

The Dynamic Duo are somewhat
unorthodox, Cornelia.

No doubt they'll come up the outside wall.
You know what to do.

And Latch and Bolt are waiting to help...

...while Uncle Clavier double-checks
his Human Key Duplicator.

You mean a real live one?

Uh, you'll see, Cornelia.

Oh, at last the end of Batman and Robin
is in sight.

And I can start planning
the craftiest caper of my career.

Your, uh, daily workout, Batman?

Yes. Crime-fighters have to stay in shape.

- But you know that.
-Well, my job is a little easier.

Sometimes a fast gun has the edge
on a fast Bat-rope.

I'm not invading your territory.
I'm just tracking down a clue incognito.

Welcome and good luck.

If you need help, locate us
through Commissioner Gordon's office.

The Batphone number is unlisted.

Smart thinking.

Don't slip.

Brave men, Jim.

You startled me.

I'm sorry, young lady.

We're here to pay Mr. Clavier Ankh
a little unexpected visit.

This is his apartment, isn't it?

Uncle Clavier is in the, uh, library.

May I ask who's calling?

Batman and Robin.

Oh, yes.

This way, please.

Girl from the fur salon.

I'm afraid this could be a trap, Batman.

He who knows how to fear, Robin,
knows how to proceed with safety.

A translation from the Latin.

Maybe I should have told you,
the library is in the cellar.

To make this Human Key Duplicator...

...I also made some brilliant changes
and innovations.

But I'm sure you understand
the basic principles, Batman.

You are in this vise.

A duplicate blank key is in this vise.

And when I activate the motor
and the vises start turning...

...that cutting blade
will do its grooviest work on you.

You monster.

A grown man like me should be prepared
to meet his maker at any time...

...but not a boy like Robin.

What diabolical plan do you have for him?

First a wax spray job.

Somewhat similar to what you get
when you have the Batmobile washed.

It takes a week or so
for the wax to harden properly.

Until then, who knows?

A notched key for a lock
with many wards, hmm?

Do I have to watch all this, Joker?
The reflection is icky.

Oh, not if it makes you
squeamish, Cornelia.

All right, to the Wax Spray Chamber
for the Boy Wonder.

Start with a light spray.

When every pore in his body is filled with wax,
we'll apply a heavier coating.

Let's get the skeletonizing process over with,
Batman, while you're all keyed up.

Have you a last word for posterity?

Only this, Joker.

Evil sometimes triumphs temporarily,
but never conquers.

If I have time, Batman, I'll see that
that is properly engraved on your tombstone.

In the meantime...