All language subtitles for Batman S01E32 - The Riddlers False Notion-eng

♪ Batman ♪♪

So far we have seen

in the lobby
of a silent film festival

an unscheduled diversion.

The tramp was The Riddler.

What the blazes was his game?

He was after a roll.

A tasty payroll.

But this roll had a twist.

A crooked crew
behind a movie camera.

And two stars who didn't know
they were in the picture.

A trap!

Caught again on film.

And in the abandoned cutting
room of a bankrupt movie studio

The Riddler
and his felonious filmsters

enjoy the show.

And got ready
for an even stranger one.

Temper tonic.

Poured into innocent lemonade

at Mr. Van Jones'
temperance party.

Incredible affect.

Friends turn
into snarling beasts.

A free for all.

And down in the driveway,
a damsel in distress.

Oh, yeah?

Robin? Where's Robin?

In the Riddler's
filthy clutches.

Kindling
for the biting buzzsaw.

We warned you before,
we warn you again

in just one minute, you will
a Boy Wonder sawed in two.

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Batman ♪♪

Meanwhile, even
as the buzzsaw spins

a desperate Batman races

from the scene
of Mr. Van Jones' fatal party

bent on pursuit
of Robin's captors.

Horrors! The Boy Wonder's
tiny utility belt radio

lost in the struggle.

No way of contacting him now.

Batman! Wait!

I'm so ashamed, Batman, the way
I behaved at that party.

It's not your fault,
commissioner.

Riddler's henchmen spiked
your drinks with temper tonic.

Now you've taken
my universal drug antidote

you'll be alright.

Yes, but still
my unseemly behavior

certainly contributed
towards Robin's capture.

Let that be a lesson.

In future, be more careful from
whom you accept free lemonade.

What the blazes!

'Great Scott, Batman!
Look up there.'

A parachute blossoming.

"A bear like a fallen tree?"

Easy. A bear lumbers and
a fallen tree becomes lumber.

Good grief!
Another one.

'"Why is silk like grass?"'

Even easier.

You measure both by the yard.

Lumber...yard..

The Gotham Lumberyard!

That must be where
he's holding Robin.

'Goodbye, commissioner.'

Speed to headquarters.

I'll call you if I need help.

Goodbye, Batman.

Save that boy!

Robin!

Robin!

Do you hear me?

Too late.
He's history now, Batman.

I'll do better
than that, Riddler.

Question.

When is a man
a stupid relative, huh?

I've heard enough
of your murderous riddles.

Surprise, Batman.

This is what is known in
the film game as a two-parter.

Look!

"When is a man
like a stupid relative?"

When he's a mannequin.

A dummy.

Robin?

Riddler?

Stop! Surrender!
Give yourself up.

By all that's holy
I might forget myself

and do you violence.

My name is Pauline.

My lawyer's name
is Mr. Oliver Wendell.

Why don't you look him up
and buzz him?

No use, Batman.
She's hard as nails.

Knows her legal rights too.

A frustrated,
would-be actress..

...a star that was never born

venting her disappointment
on society.

Only one thing to do,
commissioner.

Take her to the Batcave
and work on her.

Great Scott, Batman.

Revealing its location
will be tantamount to..

...taking off your mask.

Not quite, commissioner.

Before the trip, I intend
to render her senseless

with a whiff

of Batgas.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

I'd like you to come along
too, commissioner.

Me? To the Batcave?

When it's a question
of Robin's safety

I don't entirely trust myself.

I'd like a witness present
to make sure

that I don't employ methods

which might bounce back
on me in court.

Well, of course, if you wish
my presence, Batman, I'll..

Uh, Batgas for me as well?

It's a precaution I have
to take, commissioner.

If you were captured and
tortured by criminals

you might reveal the location
of the Batcave.

I place myself
in your hands, Batman

with the most serene confidence.

Sit down, commissioner.

Restrain her, Chief O'Hara.

Hey! Hey, wait.
Wait, I want my lawyer.

Help! No, don't you dare.

I assure you, commissioner,
the sensation is not unpleasant.

Your handkerchief?

Great science!

Chief O'Hara,
summon some men.

We'll need help in getting them
to the Batmobile.

Great Scott!

At last, the fabulous Batcave.

- Unusual, isn't it?
- Oh, magnificent!

I feel as if I've awakened
in some future age.

Such equipment.

What fantastic ingenuity

you and the Boy Wonder
have employed

in hooking it together.

True.

We did muster many long hours
of brain power.

However, this is no time
for self-congratulation.

A small demonstration
will now take place.

- A demonstration?
- Yes, commissioner.

Take this can of Batwake.

When I give you
this signal

spray a whiff of it
in the prisoner's face.

Certainly.

You will notice, commissioner,
that this Batmask in most ways

resembles an ordinary
operating room oxygen mask.

I will introduce
no drugs, no serums

into Pauline's bloodstream.

I understand.

Now, commissioner.

- Give her the Batwake, please.
- Oh-oh, yeah.

Where am I?

Deep..

...in the entrails
of the earth, Pauline.

Where every instrument

has been designed
to combat crime

and smear its perpetrators.

There are those who came
to this Batcave

and never left.

That is true.

Now, tell me.

Where is Robin being held?

I don't know.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm..

I only know..

'Yes.'

'...the clues,
two riddles.'

Give them.

Why was Flo Zigfield
like a nearsighted man?

Because they both
put on spectacles.

Two?

What kind of men
are always above board?

Chessmen.

Join me over here, commissioner.

Watch very carefully,
commissioner.

I'm going to mingle
Pauline's captured breath

with a clear liquid
in this container.

What do you hope to discover,
Caped Crusader?

The truth, commissioner.

If Pauline's answers
were true

then the oxygen content
of her breath

will turn this liquid red.

If, however, she lied

then the increase
in her metabolism

will increase the oxygen
content of her breath

and cause an imbalance which
will leave this liquid clear

and undisturbed.
Do you understand?

Oh, yes.
Yes, of course.

Now..

...for the test.

Would you squeeze the bag,
commissioner?

Thank you.

Fantastic!

Oh, I doff my hat to you,
Batman.

No wonder you're
the nemesis of crime.

Obviously you were telling
the truth, young lady.

A wise decision,
I promise you.

Commissioner.

You observed I used
no undue methods

to extract that confession.

Oh, none whatever. I'd affirm
that in the highest court

in the land.

But what do those strange
clues mean, Batman?

Simple, commissioner.

Look at it in the context
of the theme

which has run
throughout this entire case.

Silent movies.

Uh, clue one. Spectacles.

Harold Lloyd of course.

He always wore spectacles.

And he was often found
perilously balanced

on the ledge
of a high building.

Chessmen.

The Chessman Building!

Right, commissioner.

I'll call Chief O'Hara
on the Batphone

alert where to find you
along the roadside.

I'll also tell him that he will
find the standby container

of Batwake in your
right-hand coat pocket.

Uh, right.
Oh, thank you.

This, uh.. This has been
a privilege, Batman.

A rare privilege.

I thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Fire away.

Meanwhile, on a narrow ledge

just below the roof of
the venerable Chessman Building

the Riddler
and his felonious filmsters

prepare to shoot
a shattering spectacle.

Stolen straight
from Harold Lloyd.

Coming up..

...the last reel
in our drama

starring the Boy Wonder

going down.

This time..

...no whimsical dummy,
but the real thing.

You lowdown fiend,
what's the point of all of this?

Comedy, Boy Wonder.

Light-hearted comedy
to accommodate a connoisseur.

Riddler, this life of crime has
finally softened your brain.

Question.

Can a robin fly
if his wings are clipped?

You won't earn a nickel
murdering me, Riddler.

This doesn't make sense.

Correct, Boy Wonder.

Not cents, dollars!

At least one million dollars.

Rehearsal.

Make sure my safety belt
doesn't show.

Sure, Riddler baby.

'Make with the action.'

Whoa-oh-oh!
Whoa-a-a-a!

Whoa-a-a-a!

Cut!

End of rehearsal.

This time, we film it.

Uh, but little difference, ya?

Ya. Little difference.

This time, the Boy Wonder
makes the plunge.

Rolling.

Little mood music]

Robin!

Curses!

The Batrope!
Grab it with your teeth.

Hold on, Robin.
Tight.

I'll raise you back up
to the ledge.

- Are you alright, Robin?
- Holy molars!

Am I ever gonna take good care
of my teeth.

True.

You owe your life
to dental hygiene.

If only more people..

Those cowardly crooks!

They're escaping again.

Only if we had our Batcopter.

Holy smokes!
Sky writing.

- More clues, no doubt.
- You're right, Batman.

Look! A riddle!

"What kind of machine
has ears?"

That one's for
a nursery school.

A train of course.

A train has engineers.

You want to land us all back up
in the pen again, baby?

Lackeys, you don't realize

these clues have
a false meaning.

"A cowboy wear
a tight belt?"

The same reason a policeman
or anyone else does.

To hold up his pants.

A train.

A hold up.

Well, the El Chief!

- Which?
- The El Chief, Batman

That famous train which all
the movie people used to take.

The Riddler's planning
to hold it up.

- Fits like a glove.
- Yes, it does.

Very good thinking, Robin.

Commissioner Gordon? Robin,
calling from the Batmobile.

Thank heavens, Boy Wonder,
you are safe.

- How do you feel?
- Just great.

- How do you feel?
- No nauseous after-effects.

Tell Batman it was like waking
from a strange refreshing dream.

I'll do that, commissioner.

In the meantime,
here's a red hot tip.

Send every man you've got
to Gotham Central Station.

Stake-out that famous train.

The El Chief.

A strange and shocking twist
to the plot.

For even as the defenders
of law and order

descend
on Gotham Central Station

the Riddler shows up
on the other side of the city.

At the mansion
of Mr. Van Jones

famed fancier
of old silent films.

Well, come in.

Mr. Riddler, at last.

Yeah.

I have it right here,
Mr. Van jones.

My silent masterpiece.

The only silent movie
ever made of Batman and Robin

in action.

I can hardly wait.

Oh.

Imagine.

The first silent epic film
in almost four decades..

...mine.

What a triumph
for a collector like myself.

But, come on,
let's run it.

Come on.

Sensational, Mr. Riddler.

Worth every penny
of the $100,000

I contracted to pay you.

I thank you,
Mr. Van Jones.

Just a moment, I'll put
this film in the safe.

And get you your check.

Would you excuse me?

Have no fear for the safety
of your epic, Mr. Riddler.

I'll keep it with my others.

In this burglar-proof vault.

It can be opened by
positively no one

but myself.

Mr. Van Jones..

...why are you like a clock
at midnight?

Answer.

'Cause both your hands
are going straight up right now.

What is this?

This is your last reel.

'Step aside.'

But my films!

You can't take them.

They're priceless.

Oh, I think
we'll find a price..

'...when you try
to ransom it back.'

This way, partners.

No sheriff, Riddler baby?

'Hos, he went that-a-way..

...to the train station.

Hurry it up, boys.

Clean out that safe
and let's head for them hills.

Blazes!
A bat shadow.

Same old ending, Riddler.

It never fails.

Thought you had us fooled with
your double-dealing clues, huh?

"The Great Train Hold-Up."

The most famous silent
film ever made.

'And the only existing print'

is right here
in the Van Jones safe.

Get him, boys.

Get him, or we'll never
make it to the border.

Good heavens!

Call Chief O'Hara, Robin.

Tell him we have the entire cast
right here.

Cast?

You're about to star
in a picture

of your very own, Riddler.

A long picture.

Titled, "Up The River."

Alfred, why are you
dawdling so?

We're gonna be late
at the restaurant.

- Is that so, madam?
- Well, of course it's so.

We're due to meet Dick
and Bruce there at 8:00.

As you say, madam.

Alfred..

...really,
and on my birthday too.

Dick and Bruce promised they'd
have a big surprise for me.

And that's precisely what I
shouldn't wish you to miss.

- Happy Birthday, Mrs. Cooper.
- Many happy returns.

Merciful heavens to Betsy,
it's Batman and Robin.

My friend Bruce Wayne contacted
me through the commissioner.

He said you'd always wanted
to meet the Dynamic Duo.

'Kind of like a birthday
surprise, Mrs. Cooper.'

- It's an honor, ma'am.
- And a pleasure too.

May we take the liberty?

- I think we better run, Batman.
- That's right, Robin.

We'll be late for that
appointment we have tonight.

Happy birthday again,
Mrs. Cooper.

Quickly, let's race
to the Batmobile.

Oh, Alfred.

Alfred, imagine.

They kissed me.

Will Bruce and Dick ever believe
that when I tell them?

Oh, I'm sure they will.

After all, I was a witness.

Madam.

Next week,
the Penguin waddles again.

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Batman ♪♪