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1
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Yes, my name is Paul Weston.
I've been on hold.
2
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- How can I help you, sir?
- I'm the executor
3
00:00:13,267 --> 00:00:15,675
of my father's estate and I wanted to...
4
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,920
Can you hold on
while I pull up the account?
5
00:00:18,045 --> 00:00:19,435
Sure, okay, I'll hold.
6
00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:22,072
Thank you for holding.
You call is very important to us
7
00:00:22,197 --> 00:00:24,247
and your estimated wait time...
8
00:00:28,608 --> 00:00:30,197
- Claim services.
- Hello.
9
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:33,122
- Yes, can I help you?
- This is Paul Weston.
10
00:00:33,574 --> 00:00:36,396
And my father had
a life insurance policy with you and...
11
00:00:36,521 --> 00:00:38,788
- Hold on while I get an agent.
- Okay, I'll hold.
12
00:00:47,319 --> 00:00:50,075
Hello. Bank of New Trust.
How can I help you?
13
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,811
My name is Paul Weston.
14
00:00:51,936 --> 00:00:55,341
- Yes, Mr. Weston, how can I help you?
- My father just passed away.
15
00:00:55,466 --> 00:00:57,645
He had two accounts with you.
16
00:00:57,770 --> 00:01:00,078
Can I have your father's
security code?
17
00:01:00,793 --> 00:01:02,886
No, I don't know his security codes.
18
00:01:03,011 --> 00:01:05,927
- I'm gonna have to transfer you.
- No, but just don't put me on hold.
19
00:01:06,052 --> 00:01:08,289
- Hold one second.
- Don't put me on hold, please.
20
00:01:08,414 --> 00:01:10,695
- Just a quick second.
- Please don't...
21
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:11,863
Goddammit!
22
00:01:32,702 --> 00:01:34,302
Do you wanna get that?
23
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In Treatment, S02E30
Gina: Week Six
24
00:02:07,729 --> 00:02:09,754
I'm sorry about the phone business.
25
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:13,302
I'm trying to get
my father's estate settled
26
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and I can't even get anybody
to talk to me. All I get is
27
00:02:16,189 --> 00:02:18,554
"Can you hold? Please, hold.
Let me put you on hold."
28
00:02:19,445 --> 00:02:21,938
- That's so irritating.
- If I believed the operators
29
00:02:22,063 --> 00:02:24,863
were actually helping somebody,
I would wait.
30
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Sometimes I think the whole country
is "on hold."
31
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Nobody is being helped.
32
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They don't even call it "help"
any more.
33
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They call it "customer support."
34
00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:39,617
That's 'cause
all they really do is say,
35
00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:42,188
"I'm sorry you have a problem.
That's too bad."
36
00:02:42,313 --> 00:02:44,965
Well, you know what?
I don't want support. I want your help.
37
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So I hang up.
38
00:02:48,873 --> 00:02:51,045
Is there something I can help you with?
39
00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:01,447
Unless you want to proofread
a letter I wrote.
40
00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:02,431
Sure.
41
00:03:03,528 --> 00:03:04,683
What kind of letter?
42
00:03:06,347 --> 00:03:09,522
Remember last week I left here
and I went to meet with Alex's father?
43
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,290
Yeah, how did that go?
44
00:03:11,821 --> 00:03:12,971
Disorienting.
45
00:03:14,854 --> 00:03:18,604
He offered to accept settlement money
from the insurance company
46
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and drop his lawsuit against me...
47
00:03:22,886 --> 00:03:25,386
- Well, that's great.
- ... in exchange
48
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:28,340
for a letter from me admitting
49
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,084
my guilt in Alex's death.
50
00:03:37,432 --> 00:03:38,982
You wrote the letter?
51
00:03:39,736 --> 00:03:41,502
What would he do with this letter?
52
00:03:41,627 --> 00:03:44,598
He gave me his word
he wouldn't do anything with it.
53
00:03:45,172 --> 00:03:47,104
- Paul!
- I know. You're right.
54
00:03:47,229 --> 00:03:50,018
Once he has it, technically,
he can do anything he wants with it.
55
00:03:50,143 --> 00:03:52,857
Send it to the ethics board
or post it online.
56
00:03:53,324 --> 00:03:55,234
That would be the end of your career.
57
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,404
- What did your lawyer say?
- He says the letter
58
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,787
will put an end to the lawsuit
and that my insurance
59
00:04:01,912 --> 00:04:05,562
will cover the whole settlement.
I won't end up owing a thing.
60
00:04:06,032 --> 00:04:07,807
What happens if you don't send it?
61
00:04:07,932 --> 00:04:10,710
They have a preliminary hearing
next week. The judge...
62
00:04:11,011 --> 00:04:13,024
He could just throw
the whole case out.
63
00:04:13,149 --> 00:04:16,011
But if he doesn't,
it might go to trial with a jury,
64
00:04:16,136 --> 00:04:18,299
in which case I will lose big time.
65
00:04:18,740 --> 00:04:22,086
- How do you know that?
- The lawyer says that's what juries do.
66
00:04:23,636 --> 00:04:25,886
He says everybody hates therapists.
67
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:30,478
They do?
68
00:04:31,090 --> 00:04:34,481
According to this guy,
therapy is bullshit.
69
00:04:34,821 --> 00:04:36,608
He says people go into treatment
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00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,144
hoping that the therapist
is gonna fix them.
71
00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:42,219
But that therapists either
don't solve people's problems
72
00:04:42,344 --> 00:04:45,717
- or they make them worse.
- And this man is representing you?
73
00:04:45,842 --> 00:04:49,371
He fights cases like this every week.
He knows how they go.
74
00:04:50,313 --> 00:04:52,333
And he's worried
that the jury is gonna see me
75
00:04:52,502 --> 00:04:55,253
as a stand-in for all the bad therapists
in the world,
76
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:58,182
and award Alex's father
the entire $20 million.
77
00:04:58,307 --> 00:05:00,553
If this lawyer knew
what he was doing,
78
00:05:00,678 --> 00:05:03,978
he'd get the jury to see
what a good therapist you are.
79
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:08,171
Excuse me for a second, I'm just curious.
80
00:05:08,296 --> 00:05:11,956
What would you say if you were on trial
and the lawyer asked you,
81
00:05:12,081 --> 00:05:16,081
"What percentage of your patients
do you think you've really helped?"
82
00:05:16,804 --> 00:05:19,040
- What are you asking?
- Would you say, on average,
83
00:05:19,165 --> 00:05:21,605
that the people you've treated
have gotten a little better,
84
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:24,156
a lot better,
or they've stayed about the same?
85
00:05:24,453 --> 00:05:26,103
You're someone I treat.
86
00:05:26,718 --> 00:05:28,786
Are you asking me
if I'll help you get better?
87
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,821
Fine, don't answer the question.
This isn't about you anyway.
88
00:05:31,946 --> 00:05:33,190
This is about me.
89
00:05:33,571 --> 00:05:36,168
The way I feel about it
is I'm not helping anybody.
90
00:05:37,098 --> 00:05:38,963
I'm going to mail this letter
91
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:42,726
and I'm gonna quit being a therapist
and find something better to do,
92
00:05:42,851 --> 00:05:45,143
- something useful.
- You know you help people.
93
00:05:45,268 --> 00:05:48,515
You know what I do? Most days,
I sit there and I listen
94
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,657
for 45 minutes.
Then my patients go out the door
95
00:05:51,782 --> 00:05:53,930
and do
whatever they were gonna do anyway.
96
00:05:55,241 --> 00:05:58,341
Paul, you don't just listen.
You make observations.
97
00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:01,543
You ask questions.
You make interpretations.
98
00:06:01,967 --> 00:06:05,467
You encourage people to look
at the patterns of their behavior.
99
00:06:05,592 --> 00:06:08,242
That may be what I do,
but it's not what people want.
100
00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:09,842
And what do they want?
101
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,372
They want to be loved,
102
00:06:12,608 --> 00:06:15,836
even by me. They want a child,
or they want to be my child.
103
00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:17,912
They want a parent who loves them.
104
00:06:18,037 --> 00:06:20,634
They want attention,
they want affection. They want hope,
105
00:06:20,759 --> 00:06:23,009
they want pills, and they want sex.
106
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,467
It's a good list.
107
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,885
But I don't give them those things.
108
00:06:30,830 --> 00:06:33,373
My patient Mia, the lawyer,
109
00:06:34,115 --> 00:06:35,844
do you know what she wants?
110
00:06:35,969 --> 00:06:38,569
She wants me to hold her,
to comfort her.
111
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:42,161
But what she really needs
is a good husband and a family.
112
00:06:42,286 --> 00:06:45,186
And I know
that I cannot give her those things.
113
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:49,123
All I can do is show her she pushes away
the very people who could help her
114
00:06:49,248 --> 00:06:51,415
and that she pulls
on the people who won't.
115
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:54,940
But that only leaves her feeling
more lonely and unloved.
116
00:06:55,744 --> 00:06:59,055
By the time she left on Monday,
by the time she left my office,
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00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:00,711
she felt doomed,
118
00:07:01,301 --> 00:07:03,756
rejected by her family
and the world.
119
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:07,885
And I had absolutely
nothing to say to her.
120
00:07:08,711 --> 00:07:11,235
So you're worried
she won't come back?
121
00:07:11,766 --> 00:07:13,916
Why should she come back, really?
122
00:07:14,774 --> 00:07:16,924
I am of no use to her whatsoever.
123
00:07:17,650 --> 00:07:20,921
All this big wisdom
that I'm supposed to be giving her.
124
00:07:21,046 --> 00:07:22,713
This isn't going to make her happy.
125
00:07:22,838 --> 00:07:25,738
Is that what you want to do,
make people happy?
126
00:07:26,151 --> 00:07:28,085
Absolutely,
I want to make people happy.
127
00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:31,110
What do you want to do,
fuck them up even more?
128
00:07:33,819 --> 00:07:36,163
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna mail this letter
129
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,207
and I'm gonna let them
take my license,
130
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:41,585
and I'm gonna become a life coach.
131
00:07:42,292 --> 00:07:43,442
A life coach?
132
00:07:44,212 --> 00:07:46,496
- What do they do?
- You know what a life coach is.
133
00:07:46,621 --> 00:07:47,674
They give advice.
134
00:07:48,648 --> 00:07:49,698
It's not...
135
00:07:50,849 --> 00:07:53,825
Look, people don't have families
anymore that they can talk to,
136
00:07:53,950 --> 00:07:57,000
and friends are quickly going
the way of families.
137
00:07:58,682 --> 00:08:00,963
So if you were Mia's life coach,
138
00:08:01,088 --> 00:08:04,158
- what would you tell her to do?
- I would tell her to quit her job.
139
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:05,946
I would tell her to grow her hair,
140
00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:09,321
I would tell her to move somewhere
where she's outside in the sunshine,
141
00:08:09,661 --> 00:08:12,861
like Napa Valley.
I would tell her to take up biking,
142
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:17,045
not wear heels for a year.
And I'd tell her, "Get a dog."
143
00:08:20,594 --> 00:08:22,584
Do you think
that she would take your advice?
144
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,001
She just wants me to give her love
145
00:08:26,174 --> 00:08:27,256
and support.
146
00:08:28,931 --> 00:08:31,651
But if she were capable
of receiving love and support,
147
00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:33,929
she wouldn't be coming to you for them.
148
00:08:34,459 --> 00:08:36,159
That's her real problem.
149
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And until it's treated, she won't
be able to take anyone's advice.
150
00:08:40,463 --> 00:08:42,104
And that's why she needs therapy.
151
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,227
Actually,
I think if my first advice worked,
152
00:08:44,352 --> 00:08:46,401
she might try some other new idea.
153
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,152
If my advice didn't work out,
154
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:50,821
she'd go in another direction.
I don't see what the harm is.
155
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,845
Would you want the responsibility
for making her decisions for her?
156
00:08:53,970 --> 00:08:55,547
I think I'd be fine with that.
157
00:08:55,672 --> 00:08:57,542
You see,
that's your problem right there.
158
00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:01,177
You're scared of taking responsibility
for your patients' lives.
159
00:09:01,302 --> 00:09:04,202
You don't actually want
to get involved with them.
160
00:09:04,327 --> 00:09:05,341
I do.
161
00:09:05,466 --> 00:09:07,757
So you still cling to this dogma
162
00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:09,834
of letting them make their own decisions.
163
00:09:09,959 --> 00:09:13,962
But that, in my opinion, that's not
professionalism. That's cowardice.
164
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,920
You know, it's not dogma.
165
00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:21,602
It's a basic tenet of our profession.
166
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:25,523
If you take action
in your patients' lives,
167
00:09:25,707 --> 00:09:28,277
you cause them
to become dependent on you.
168
00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:29,735
You cripple them.
169
00:09:29,904 --> 00:09:32,459
Back on the high moral ground again,
as usual.
170
00:09:32,584 --> 00:09:34,094
But you've got it wrong, Gina.
171
00:09:34,219 --> 00:09:36,454
My problem isn't
that I can't obey the rules.
172
00:09:36,579 --> 00:09:39,547
My problem is that, unlike you,
I actually give a shit
173
00:09:39,672 --> 00:09:42,706
- about my patients.
- You think I don't care about you?
174
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:45,279
You don't let yourself
care about anybody.
175
00:09:45,404 --> 00:09:48,547
You're too afraid to.
You sit in that goddamn chair,
176
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,109
and your patients are falling apart
in front of you,
177
00:09:51,234 --> 00:09:53,133
but instead of reaching out to help,
178
00:09:53,258 --> 00:09:55,844
you study them as if they were
pieces of a puzzle.
179
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:00,250
Well, I let you down.
180
00:10:02,047 --> 00:10:03,797
And you're enraged at me.
181
00:10:04,678 --> 00:10:06,799
I was your teacher. I was your mentor.
182
00:10:06,924 --> 00:10:08,724
I was supposed to give you
183
00:10:09,088 --> 00:10:12,488
the wisdom that would protect you
from this sort of pain.
184
00:10:12,962 --> 00:10:15,153
The pain you're going through now.
185
00:10:15,278 --> 00:10:16,428
And I didn't.
186
00:10:17,167 --> 00:10:20,869
And so you're reacting by telling me
that I'm not feeling your pain,
187
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:23,238
and that my profession is useless.
188
00:10:23,685 --> 00:10:27,167
We both know that you don't believe
a word of that bullshit.
189
00:10:27,338 --> 00:10:29,919
If anything,
you think that I've disappointed you.
190
00:10:30,044 --> 00:10:33,041
You keep telling me I'm a good person.
"You're a great therapist, Paul."
191
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:36,666
But we both know how little respect
you really have for me.
192
00:10:36,791 --> 00:10:40,090
You pretend to be neutral,
but you have done nothing but judge me
193
00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:42,349
since the minute
I came back into therapy.
194
00:10:42,526 --> 00:10:45,340
So you think I've been judging you
all this time?
195
00:10:45,465 --> 00:10:47,854
For fuck's sake,
stop mirroring what I say.
196
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,191
Would you stop hiding
behind the cloak,
197
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:54,074
drop the fucking catlike smile,
the bullshit Buddha pose of yours,
198
00:10:54,199 --> 00:10:57,149
and just tell me for once
what you really think?
199
00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:02,540
What do I really think?
200
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,050
I really think that you're acting
like an asshole.
201
00:11:09,859 --> 00:11:13,549
I really think that you're a therapist
who has remarkably
202
00:11:14,214 --> 00:11:16,258
little insight into your own behavior.
203
00:11:17,332 --> 00:11:19,082
You are so self-absorbed.
204
00:11:19,534 --> 00:11:21,202
You are so entitled.
205
00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:25,500
You come in here and you spout
the same old bullshit!
206
00:11:27,524 --> 00:11:29,980
"I want to cross the boundaries
207
00:11:30,379 --> 00:11:32,511
"because I care so much!"
208
00:11:33,197 --> 00:11:35,397
And I have to sit here and listen.
209
00:11:36,215 --> 00:11:38,546
And then you have the gall
to get mad at me
210
00:11:38,671 --> 00:11:40,606
for not losing my temper!
211
00:11:40,903 --> 00:11:42,909
Well, at least I finally know.
212
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:44,258
You know nothing.
213
00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:48,263
That's right. I'm a self-absorbed
asshole and you're furious at me.
214
00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:49,888
I am furious at you.
215
00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:52,028
Let me ask you...
216
00:11:52,153 --> 00:11:55,303
- How did saying that make you feel?
- It felt good.
217
00:11:59,377 --> 00:12:02,223
But maybe
that's exactly what you wanted.
218
00:12:02,963 --> 00:12:04,963
And what did I want, Gina?
You tell me.
219
00:12:05,088 --> 00:12:07,588
You got me to play the role you relish.
220
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,603
You got me to be the punishing,
rejecting parent,
221
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,441
the failed authority figure
that you can rail against.
222
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,609
- Why would I want that?
- Because it's familiar.
223
00:12:17,955 --> 00:12:19,805
It confirms your worldview.
224
00:12:22,483 --> 00:12:24,633
You get to be the innocent victim
225
00:12:25,573 --> 00:12:29,013
doing your best. And I'm just like
everyone else. I'm out to fuck you over.
226
00:12:29,138 --> 00:12:32,699
So you call me an asshole,
and not only is it my fault,
227
00:12:32,824 --> 00:12:34,419
it's actually what I wanted.
228
00:12:37,301 --> 00:12:38,840
You tell me, how do you feel?
229
00:12:39,439 --> 00:12:42,386
- Give me a fucking break.
- I bet you feel good.
230
00:12:43,653 --> 00:12:45,153
Let's face it, Paul.
231
00:12:45,570 --> 00:12:49,574
- You'd always rather yell than think.
- What don't I want to think about?
232
00:12:51,757 --> 00:12:55,148
Well... you're on a tear here.
233
00:12:55,826 --> 00:12:58,838
You're tortured by what you see
as your failures with your parents,
234
00:12:58,963 --> 00:13:00,821
with your patients, with your father.
235
00:13:01,973 --> 00:13:04,324
So you're destroying
all your careful work,
236
00:13:04,590 --> 00:13:06,490
- and mine.
- Careful work?
237
00:13:07,194 --> 00:13:09,830
You think I'm unprofessional.
You think I've got no boundaries.
238
00:13:09,999 --> 00:13:11,528
You've always thought that.
239
00:13:11,653 --> 00:13:12,582
Have I?
240
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,644
Have I always thought that?
241
00:13:16,939 --> 00:13:20,680
Then why do you think
I've stuck by you all these years,
242
00:13:22,187 --> 00:13:25,095
even when you've been
a complete pain in the ass?
243
00:13:27,047 --> 00:13:28,297
The truth is...
244
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:34,044
despite everything, I really do think
you're a good therapist.
245
00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:37,864
You tell me you're no help
to your patients,
246
00:13:38,607 --> 00:13:40,107
but when you describe them,
247
00:13:40,232 --> 00:13:42,882
it's clear to me
how carefully you listen.
248
00:13:44,174 --> 00:13:45,724
You have a great ear.
249
00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,871
You have a great sense of empathy.
250
00:14:25,475 --> 00:14:27,240
Then why am I failing them?
251
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:30,340
It's not about you, Paul.
252
00:14:31,835 --> 00:14:33,968
You know, they're human beings.
253
00:14:34,756 --> 00:14:37,406
They're struggling
with profound problems.
254
00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:40,545
If only you could find courage
255
00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:43,006
to sit with the fact
that what we do is hard,
256
00:14:43,974 --> 00:14:46,874
and sometimes,
it makes you feel like an idiot.
257
00:14:48,331 --> 00:14:50,131
It's a humbling profession.
258
00:14:51,565 --> 00:14:54,865
And if you lack anything
as a therapist, it's humility.
259
00:14:56,347 --> 00:15:00,351
Somehow you have to learn to tolerate
the fact that we don't save people.
260
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:01,634
We can't.
261
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:16,994
Walter tried to kill himself.
262
00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:20,851
Oh my God!
263
00:15:21,851 --> 00:15:23,630
Paul, why didn't you tell me this?
264
00:15:24,343 --> 00:15:25,893
When did this happen?
265
00:15:26,157 --> 00:15:27,707
About 10 days ago.
266
00:15:29,239 --> 00:15:30,971
You didn't even mention it last week.
267
00:15:31,703 --> 00:15:34,224
I felt there was enough
to talk about with...
268
00:15:35,173 --> 00:15:36,173
my father.
269
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:41,200
I mean, what would I have done
if he had succeeded?
270
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:45,360
You would have blamed yourself,
just like you did with Alex.
271
00:15:45,642 --> 00:15:48,142
But I am responsible for what happened.
272
00:15:49,241 --> 00:15:50,691
Paul, in two weeks,
273
00:15:51,487 --> 00:15:53,034
you've lost your father...
274
00:15:53,355 --> 00:15:56,474
you're wracked with guilt
because you feel you neglected him...
275
00:15:56,599 --> 00:15:57,749
and now this.
276
00:15:59,162 --> 00:16:01,062
The sessions with him are...
277
00:16:01,587 --> 00:16:03,837
The first one was in the hospital.
278
00:16:04,329 --> 00:16:05,979
You can imagine that's...
279
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,675
that's the last place
I want to be right now.
280
00:16:09,373 --> 00:16:12,700
I was sitting with him, worrying
that if I just said the wrong thing...
281
00:16:12,825 --> 00:16:14,627
just one wrong thing...
282
00:16:15,364 --> 00:16:18,564
and his daughter
is outside in the corridor, waiting.
283
00:16:19,796 --> 00:16:22,710
She's just a little bit older than Rosie.
284
00:16:23,332 --> 00:16:25,659
And she's been holding
that family together...
285
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:28,584
the mother and the father,
in a way that...
286
00:16:30,617 --> 00:16:32,259
just in the way that...
287
00:16:34,281 --> 00:16:36,431
... you tried to save your mother?
288
00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:39,470
Yeah.
289
00:16:41,657 --> 00:16:45,128
And she's staring at me with those eyes
that would break your heart.
290
00:16:45,815 --> 00:16:47,631
She's just starting to live her life
291
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,966
and all I wanna say to her is,
"Get out, run away."
292
00:16:51,125 --> 00:16:54,172
But I can't do that, because if she goes,
293
00:16:54,516 --> 00:16:55,766
so does Walter.
294
00:16:57,573 --> 00:16:58,965
I sat with him for hours
295
00:16:59,090 --> 00:17:01,876
trying to tell him that his life
can still have meaning,
296
00:17:02,483 --> 00:17:05,233
that even though
he's overwhelmed with guilt
297
00:17:05,649 --> 00:17:08,401
and loss and shame,
he has to push on,
298
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,497
that he doesn't know what life
might have in store for him,
299
00:17:11,622 --> 00:17:13,522
what his third act could be.
300
00:17:16,572 --> 00:17:18,951
Except he knows, he knows damn well
301
00:17:20,361 --> 00:17:22,661
what his third act is going to be...
302
00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:26,419
a long, steady decline,
303
00:17:27,752 --> 00:17:29,130
just like my father's.
304
00:17:30,316 --> 00:17:31,316
So...
305
00:17:32,421 --> 00:17:33,721
maybe he's right,
306
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,887
to try for a millionaire's death,
as he calls it,
307
00:17:39,530 --> 00:17:41,380
to take control for himself
308
00:17:41,716 --> 00:17:44,425
on his terms,
instead of letting the universe
309
00:17:44,550 --> 00:17:45,750
continue to...
310
00:17:46,928 --> 00:17:48,028
torture him.
311
00:17:51,092 --> 00:17:52,737
Do you really believe that?
312
00:17:55,485 --> 00:17:57,335
I can see how he got there,
313
00:17:58,571 --> 00:18:01,521
how somebody would just want
to close their eyes
314
00:18:02,807 --> 00:18:03,957
and not wake up.
315
00:18:08,447 --> 00:18:11,047
Have you been thinking you might like
to go to sleep yourself?
316
00:18:16,604 --> 00:18:19,267
But I haven't lost everything
I ever wanted.
317
00:18:19,392 --> 00:18:21,292
- If I did...
- If you did?
318
00:18:26,248 --> 00:18:29,190
- I'm not going to kill myself, Gina.
- Tell me why not.
319
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,789
For fuck's sake...
320
00:18:30,914 --> 00:18:32,977
Paul, you know what I'm asking you.
321
00:18:33,102 --> 00:18:36,176
- You're vulnerable here.
- You don't have to worry, Gina.
322
00:18:36,301 --> 00:18:37,601
I have children.
323
00:18:43,819 --> 00:18:46,519
I remember, you know,
after my mother died,
324
00:18:48,588 --> 00:18:51,112
I was standing above her grave
and I promised myself
325
00:18:51,237 --> 00:18:53,290
that I would never ever do that
326
00:18:55,131 --> 00:18:56,363
to one of my kids.
327
00:18:58,154 --> 00:19:01,134
And then Ian was born,
and then Rosie and Max.
328
00:19:02,695 --> 00:19:06,537
I made the same promise to myself
over and over and over again.
329
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:08,791
And I felt this rush
330
00:19:09,868 --> 00:19:10,927
of warmth
331
00:19:11,656 --> 00:19:13,556
through my body.
"I am good,
332
00:19:14,193 --> 00:19:15,393
"I am strong."
333
00:19:17,617 --> 00:19:20,888
Sometimes I feel
like I'm this great tree,
334
00:19:21,988 --> 00:19:23,657
giant, powerful,
335
00:19:24,667 --> 00:19:28,117
and they're gonna live their whole lives
beneath my shade.
336
00:19:31,919 --> 00:19:33,819
And then sometimes I feel...
337
00:19:34,952 --> 00:19:38,038
I feel like all my leaves
have just fallen away...
338
00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:43,425
And I can't do anything for them...
339
00:19:45,213 --> 00:19:46,213
except...
340
00:19:47,383 --> 00:19:48,633
block the view.
341
00:19:51,998 --> 00:19:54,998
- They still need you.
- I don't know about that.
342
00:19:55,272 --> 00:19:56,272
They do.
343
00:19:56,861 --> 00:19:59,311
You still need your mother, don't you?
344
00:20:02,991 --> 00:20:04,291
Can you imagine?
345
00:20:05,428 --> 00:20:06,878
She'd be 80 by now.
346
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:11,433
She'd have got to see
her grandkids grow up.
347
00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:16,297
Do you think
that would have made her happier?
348
00:20:26,003 --> 00:20:28,553
- Can I ask you something, Gina?
- Sure.
349
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,846
Have you ever thought about...
350
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:34,274
suicide?
351
00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:37,125
Yes.
352
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:41,992
When David was dying?
353
00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:44,810
No, not when David was dying.
354
00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:46,731
But afterwards,
355
00:20:48,059 --> 00:20:49,709
when you were grieving?
356
00:20:52,601 --> 00:20:54,201
He was a young man...
357
00:20:55,436 --> 00:20:57,761
he was so young when he got cancer
358
00:20:57,886 --> 00:21:00,036
and his life was stolen from him.
359
00:21:01,742 --> 00:21:05,444
You watch someone die,
someone who wants to live and...
360
00:21:12,501 --> 00:21:14,898
I'm sorry I didn't make it
to David's funeral.
361
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:18,266
Sorry I wasn't there for you.
362
00:21:22,453 --> 00:21:23,453
Thank you.
363
00:21:33,622 --> 00:21:37,600
And what about your patient with cancer?
How's she doing?
364
00:21:39,406 --> 00:21:42,356
She gets the result of the blood test
this week.
365
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:44,135
How is she doing emotionally?
366
00:21:45,249 --> 00:21:47,649
- She's kind of furious at me.
- Why?
367
00:21:48,529 --> 00:21:49,929
It's a long story.
368
00:21:50,674 --> 00:21:53,052
She was in the hospital.
She was really really sick,
369
00:21:53,177 --> 00:21:54,934
but she hadn't told her mother.
370
00:21:55,059 --> 00:21:57,690
So I thought
that her mother deserved to know.
371
00:21:58,344 --> 00:22:00,589
Of course she did. You were right.
372
00:22:01,542 --> 00:22:03,953
Someday, April will thank you.
373
00:22:04,923 --> 00:22:05,923
Maybe.
374
00:22:14,881 --> 00:22:16,175
Listen, Gina,
375
00:22:17,275 --> 00:22:18,475
I'm exhausted.
376
00:22:21,552 --> 00:22:23,502
I don't want to talk anymore.
377
00:22:25,466 --> 00:22:26,916
I think I'll go get
378
00:22:27,254 --> 00:22:29,922
a coffee or something
before I pick up the kids.
379
00:22:30,047 --> 00:22:33,059
- Are you all right? I'll go with you.
- No, it's okay, I'm fine.
380
00:22:35,398 --> 00:22:37,248
I'm just tired, that's all.
381
00:22:40,133 --> 00:22:43,104
- I forgot my letter.
- I'll keep this,
382
00:22:43,934 --> 00:22:45,184
I'll keep this,
383
00:22:45,581 --> 00:22:47,446
you know, for you. And then
384
00:22:47,571 --> 00:22:49,877
you take this week, you think about it.
385
00:22:50,002 --> 00:22:52,852
And if you want it back,
if you wanna send it,
386
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,790
I'll give it to you.
387
00:22:56,197 --> 00:22:57,847
Take a week to do what?
388
00:22:59,053 --> 00:23:00,603
To see your patients.
389
00:23:03,503 --> 00:23:05,453
That's what I've been saying,
390
00:23:05,714 --> 00:23:09,484
- I don't want to see my patients.
- See your patients, Paul.
391
00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:13,039
Act as if you believe you're helping.30931
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