All language subtitles for Aroused.2013.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:21,645 --> 00:00:23,693
I played some weird games
with girlfriends.
2
00:00:23,725 --> 00:00:24,909
We were just...
3
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:27,420
and I didn't know
that was sexual.
4
00:00:27,453 --> 00:00:29,628
I didn't know what sex
was, to be honest.
5
00:00:29,653 --> 00:00:32,740
We had five weeks of sex
education at private school,
6
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,812
I still didn't know
I had a vagina.
7
00:00:39,145 --> 00:00:41,064
He was in
a punk rock band
8
00:00:41,096 --> 00:00:42,935
and I had the biggest
crush on him.
9
00:00:42,967 --> 00:00:44,615
I was with him,
like, off and on
10
00:00:44,664 --> 00:00:45,895
for two or three years.
11
00:00:45,944 --> 00:00:47,465
I thought he was the
greatest thing in the world.
12
00:00:47,543 --> 00:00:50,140
I kept asking him
to marry me.
13
00:00:50,165 --> 00:00:52,648
I look back and I go,
what the heck, you know?
14
00:00:52,693 --> 00:00:54,019
Like, I was
15 years old.
15
00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:57,058
Like, what was I thinking
about marriage already for?
16
00:00:57,916 --> 00:01:01,002
I've been doing it
since I was 13.
17
00:01:01,034 --> 00:01:03,050
I didn't know
how sex really happened.
18
00:01:03,083 --> 00:01:04,922
I only saw,
like, Blue Lagoon
19
00:01:04,971 --> 00:01:07,003
and I saw them, like,
get on top of each other.
20
00:01:07,051 --> 00:01:08,734
So when I had
my boyfriend
21
00:01:08,759 --> 00:01:10,278
and he tried
to have sex with me,
22
00:01:10,312 --> 00:01:11,958
and I was, like,
you're doing it wrong.
23
00:01:11,991 --> 00:01:13,430
And he's, like, how do you
think people have sex?
24
00:01:13,463 --> 00:01:14,711
And I was, like,
25
00:01:14,743 --> 00:01:16,182
you just get on top
of me and rub like that.
26
00:01:16,199 --> 00:01:18,182
He goes, no,
it goes inside.
27
00:01:18,215 --> 00:01:19,382
And I was like, no,
it hurts.
28
00:01:19,399 --> 00:01:21,072
And he said, okay,
turn over
29
00:01:21,097 --> 00:01:24,137
and we just did anal for,
like, a year and a half.
30
00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:13,788
? Are we under attack
31
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,288
? In this zone?
32
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,047
? Tell me your name
33
00:02:23,686 --> 00:02:25,765
? Is it for fame?
34
00:02:59,194 --> 00:03:01,705
? Are we under attack
35
00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:05,545
? In this zone?
36
00:03:07,738 --> 00:03:09,626
? Tell me your name
37
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:14,179
? Visual frame
38
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,928
? Are we under attack
39
00:03:19,737 --> 00:03:22,377
? In this zone?
40
00:03:22,409 --> 00:03:25,096
This is not
a story about pornography.
41
00:03:25,129 --> 00:03:27,816
This is a story about women,
42
00:03:27,849 --> 00:03:31,256
their dreams, their desires,
and their lives.
43
00:03:33,917 --> 00:03:36,652
I had an idea
for my third fine-art book
44
00:03:36,685 --> 00:03:39,324
to take images of the most
sexualized women on the planet
45
00:03:39,357 --> 00:03:41,915
and portray them
in a totally different light,
46
00:03:42,112 --> 00:03:44,142
strip away
the porn-star mask,
47
00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:47,130
allowing for their true
essence to shine through,
48
00:03:47,318 --> 00:03:49,877
as the exaggerated image
of a porn star
49
00:03:49,894 --> 00:03:52,005
has stuck with us
for so long.
50
00:03:52,054 --> 00:03:53,445
As an artist,
I felt the need
51
00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:55,765
to change the way we view
these women visually,
52
00:03:55,798 --> 00:03:57,045
yet I was unaware
53
00:03:57,077 --> 00:03:59,925
of the bigger picture
that would unfold.
54
00:04:02,374 --> 00:04:03,829
I called my friend Mike Moz,
55
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:05,685
a veteran in the adult
entertainment world,
56
00:04:05,717 --> 00:04:07,013
and asked him
to put together
57
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:09,716
a group of some of
the most successful names
58
00:04:09,734 --> 00:04:10,886
in the business.
59
00:04:11,427 --> 00:04:13,250
Yet I soon realized
that many people around me
60
00:04:13,267 --> 00:04:15,538
started to ask
why would I immerse myself
61
00:04:15,587 --> 00:04:16,898
in the world of pornography,
62
00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,170
which is still perceived
by so many
63
00:04:19,203 --> 00:04:22,434
that know nothing about
the business as taboo.
64
00:04:22,724 --> 00:04:25,475
It was this reaction
that opened my eyes,
65
00:04:25,524 --> 00:04:27,955
taking this project
to a whole new level,
66
00:04:27,988 --> 00:04:29,635
raising many questions
in my mind
67
00:04:29,684 --> 00:04:30,995
as to why porn stars
68
00:04:31,027 --> 00:04:32,835
are looked down upon
in our society,
69
00:04:33,052 --> 00:04:36,811
yet we watch their movies
for our own sexual pleasure,
70
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,363
and the fact that we use sex
71
00:04:38,396 --> 00:04:41,883
as our ultimate power tool
in many areas of our lives.
72
00:04:42,848 --> 00:04:45,248
So I took on a house
in the Hollywood Hills
73
00:04:45,265 --> 00:04:47,424
and brought my creative team
together,
74
00:04:47,457 --> 00:04:49,984
invited 16 women
currently in the business
75
00:04:50,017 --> 00:04:51,424
to pose for my art book
76
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,504
whilst filming
the making of the process
77
00:04:53,537 --> 00:04:54,896
for a documentary,
78
00:04:54,945 --> 00:04:57,536
and from this
Aroused was born.
79
00:04:57,569 --> 00:05:00,127
During the three hours I was
going to spend with each girl,
80
00:05:00,145 --> 00:05:02,176
I planned to ask questions
about their lives,
81
00:05:02,209 --> 00:05:05,216
creating a platform
for their voices to be heard.
82
00:05:05,952 --> 00:05:08,319
So here we are
preparing to meet
83
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,559
some of the most
successful women
84
00:05:10,592 --> 00:05:12,895
in the business of sex.
85
00:05:39,890 --> 00:05:42,049
It's easy money,
but is it easy being naked
86
00:05:42,082 --> 00:05:44,209
and having sex with someone
you don't know?
87
00:05:44,242 --> 00:05:45,521
At first, no,
88
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:46,609
it wasn't.
I'm sure.
89
00:05:46,642 --> 00:05:48,699
It wasn't.
I was very timid.
90
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,927
I didn't really
move my body.
91
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,047
You could tell
I was a little...
92
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,247
if you see some
of my earlier scenes
93
00:05:53,296 --> 00:05:54,847
and you do some research
on Misty Stone...
94
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:56,447
Yeah, right?
Can't wait.
95
00:05:56,496 --> 00:05:57,887
Which I'll wait until after,
96
00:05:57,936 --> 00:05:59,913
because I wanted
to meet the person.
97
00:05:59,937 --> 00:06:01,200
Oh, I dig it.
98
00:06:01,217 --> 00:06:02,848
I don't want to meet
the porn star.
99
00:06:02,897 --> 00:06:04,608
And if I'd known
and seen the work before,
100
00:06:04,657 --> 00:06:07,696
I wouldn't... couldn't look at you
in the same light as this.
101
00:06:07,729 --> 00:06:08,880
I feel like this is
a very innocent place
102
00:06:08,897 --> 00:06:10,256
for me to be sitting.
103
00:06:10,289 --> 00:06:11,408
No matter who I meet,
104
00:06:11,441 --> 00:06:13,968
I feel like that
blank canvas to me is...
105
00:06:14,303 --> 00:06:16,719
because then it's a genuine
I-want-to-get-to-know-you.
106
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,667
It's after
that I can see your work
107
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,779
and then go, wow, so she said
this and she's done this.
108
00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:22,699
And I think that's
when the story unfolds
109
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:23,867
in a different head space
for me.
110
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,050
Oh, my goodness,
she's so awesome.
111
00:06:25,068 --> 00:06:26,539
Wow, I love that.
But it's the truth.
112
00:06:26,588 --> 00:06:27,979
Mike's bringing...
sent me some Wikipedia
113
00:06:28,028 --> 00:06:29,579
so I know who you are,
of course.
114
00:06:29,628 --> 00:06:30,859
I'm not used
to this treatment
115
00:06:30,908 --> 00:06:33,019
because, honestly, we get
treated so differently
116
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,931
because of what we do,
you know what I mean?
117
00:06:34,964 --> 00:06:37,059
So you wanting to
really get to know me?
118
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:39,095
Oh, my goodness, do you know
how that makes me feel?
119
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,479
Amazing. Thank you.
120
00:06:40,511 --> 00:06:41,791
Really?
Yes.
121
00:06:41,816 --> 00:06:44,096
My first tattoo
is my mom's signature
122
00:06:44,214 --> 00:06:45,685
of her first
and middle name.
123
00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:47,450
She is my best friend.
124
00:06:47,997 --> 00:06:51,484
We both died in my childbirth
and were revived.
125
00:06:52,415 --> 00:06:54,879
I mean, we've been through
everything together.
126
00:06:54,927 --> 00:06:56,689
My mom and I talk
about everything.
127
00:06:56,714 --> 00:06:59,145
When I was 13 years old,
to push her buttons,
128
00:06:59,194 --> 00:07:01,993
I said, Mom, what would you do
if I became a stripper?
129
00:07:02,026 --> 00:07:03,401
She said, well,
if you're gonna do it,
130
00:07:03,434 --> 00:07:04,841
make sure that you dance
in a city
131
00:07:04,874 --> 00:07:05,961
where you'll make
a lot of money
132
00:07:05,994 --> 00:07:08,361
so that your time
is worth it.
133
00:07:10,025 --> 00:07:12,233
I looked a lot different
in school.
134
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,335
I was very...
135
00:07:14,413 --> 00:07:16,331
I was very Puerto Rican.
Really?
136
00:07:18,887 --> 00:07:23,747
I had long, burgundy,
scrunched-up gelled hair,
137
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,678
glued-down bangs
and big loop earrings
138
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:31,709
and big bubble jackets
and, like, 18 pairs of Nikes
139
00:07:31,991 --> 00:07:33,893
and Taylors and stuff.
140
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:36,182
And then I just changed,
you know.
141
00:07:36,263 --> 00:07:40,022
I left school very young
to go to beauty school.
142
00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:41,210
I was always, I would say,
143
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:43,962
growing up,
I was a daddy's girl.
144
00:08:43,217 --> 00:08:46,975
I always was with my dad,
but as I got older,
145
00:08:47,009 --> 00:08:48,639
I feel like... 'cause
my parents got divorced,
146
00:08:48,657 --> 00:08:50,207
so I lived with my mom,
147
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,608
so I felt like I was forced into
a relationship with my mother
148
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,453
if I wanted to have
a social life.
149
00:08:58,039 --> 00:09:00,038
I come from
a really big family.
150
00:09:00,071 --> 00:09:01,238
There's eight kids.
151
00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:03,142
And I do remember my dad
was very...
152
00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:05,030
You know, he was a bishop
and he was in the Air Force,
153
00:09:05,063 --> 00:09:06,486
and so he was always gone.
154
00:09:06,518 --> 00:09:07,638
He had too much to do,
155
00:09:07,671 --> 00:09:09,702
and so, like,
there's always been
156
00:09:09,719 --> 00:09:12,710
this huge desire
for attention in me.
157
00:09:13,672 --> 00:09:17,607
I moved, like,
55 times as a kid.
158
00:09:19,051 --> 00:09:20,210
Shut up.
Swear, yeah.
159
00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:22,353
That's, like, when
I stopped counting.
160
00:09:23,465 --> 00:09:25,517
My parents divorced
when I was young,
161
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:26,677
so I didn't grow up...
162
00:09:26,702 --> 00:09:28,093
I had my stepdad, but...
163
00:09:28,118 --> 00:09:29,797
Right, but not
with your dad.
164
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:30,869
No, mm-mm.
165
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:32,261
Didn't see him or just...
166
00:09:32,278 --> 00:09:33,540
No, mm-mm.
167
00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:34,677
Out of the loop.
Mm-hmm.
168
00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:35,876
Still out of the loop?
169
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:36,997
Prefer not to see him.
170
00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:38,660
I make a choice,
a valiant choice
171
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:42,596
not to participate
in seeing him.
172
00:09:44,923 --> 00:09:47,689
My mom was taking care of
my brothers and sisters,
173
00:09:47,723 --> 00:09:50,554
but because my mom had me
when she was 15 years old,
174
00:09:50,587 --> 00:09:52,825
my grandparents
had always raised me.
175
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,774
My grandpa
was always my dad,
176
00:09:54,799 --> 00:09:56,642
and so it was actually...
177
00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:58,922
now that I look back on it
as an adult,
178
00:09:59,055 --> 00:10:02,063
I really... I cherish
that they were there
179
00:10:02,522 --> 00:10:04,041
to take care of me,
you know,
180
00:10:04,073 --> 00:10:07,160
because my mom was so young
that, who knows, you know.
181
00:10:07,209 --> 00:10:09,672
With young parents,
you just never know.
182
00:10:11,429 --> 00:10:13,109
I moved in with my dad
for a couple of years.
183
00:10:13,141 --> 00:10:14,852
It was a very turbulent
situation.
184
00:10:14,870 --> 00:10:16,101
When I turned 16,
185
00:10:16,134 --> 00:10:18,309
he kicked me out
and that was that.
186
00:10:18,341 --> 00:10:21,941
And we didn't talk again
until just a month ago.
187
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:24,869
23 years of my life,
we didn't talk.
188
00:10:27,045 --> 00:10:28,340
I would go to school
with a full face of makeup
189
00:10:28,373 --> 00:10:30,484
and, like, my hair,
like, flat-ironed.
190
00:10:30,517 --> 00:10:31,956
And the teachers are, like,
191
00:10:31,989 --> 00:10:33,156
"Why don't you go
wash it off?"
192
00:10:33,188 --> 00:10:34,436
And I didn't get it,
you know.
193
00:10:34,485 --> 00:10:36,147
I thought
it was embarrassing
194
00:10:36,164 --> 00:10:38,835
to be seen without
a full face of makeup.
195
00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:40,324
Literally at, like,
10 years old,
196
00:10:40,356 --> 00:10:41,604
I thought
I was a little woman
197
00:10:41,637 --> 00:10:45,555
because I was kind of,
within our little family,
198
00:10:46,644 --> 00:10:48,339
grasping to try to assume
199
00:10:48,373 --> 00:10:51,140
this, like, adult,
maternal role, you know,
200
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,883
because
it just wasn't there.
201
00:10:52,901 --> 00:10:55,924
My family was raised...
half was reform
202
00:10:55,941 --> 00:10:57,331
and half was Catholic.
203
00:10:57,364 --> 00:11:01,523
And then personally I was
raised nondenominational
204
00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:06,292
and then I married
a preacher when I was 18
205
00:11:07,070 --> 00:11:08,509
who was missionary Baptist.
206
00:11:08,527 --> 00:11:13,358
So that is how religious
my background is.
207
00:11:14,098 --> 00:11:16,929
I used to, like, teach vacation
Bible school to the kids
208
00:11:16,978 --> 00:11:20,129
and Sunday school and
all those wonderful things
209
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:22,816
that I still truly
totally believe in.
210
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,577
I haven't lost my religion.
I still believe in God
211
00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:28,609
and I still have the things
that I, you know, relate to
212
00:11:28,658 --> 00:11:29,809
as far as religion goes.
213
00:11:29,841 --> 00:11:36,289
And for me, I still think
that no matter who God is
214
00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:39,921
or what God you believe in
or what you want to think,
215
00:11:39,970 --> 00:11:41,152
you should still be able
to live your life
216
00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:44,321
the way you think
is best humanly possible.
217
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,840
I went to private
Christian school.
218
00:11:47,614 --> 00:11:49,868
I mean, I was no
stranger to the Bible.
219
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,237
I've read it
inside and out.
220
00:11:51,286 --> 00:11:54,644
Like, I remember I had
to memorize a new verse
221
00:11:54,678 --> 00:11:56,324
every single day
and recite it.
222
00:11:56,358 --> 00:11:59,444
I was schooled
in the religious way.
223
00:11:59,478 --> 00:12:03,269
I was at that church
six days a week.
224
00:12:04,408 --> 00:12:05,751
There'd be two services.
225
00:12:05,784 --> 00:12:08,774
There'd be Sunday school,
then church on Sundays.
226
00:12:08,791 --> 00:12:10,862
Monday through Friday,
I'm in school
227
00:12:11,816 --> 00:12:13,776
and then I'm in daycare
till my mom gets off work,
228
00:12:13,910 --> 00:12:15,142
which is Christian daycare.
229
00:12:15,174 --> 00:12:16,421
Missionettes on Wednesday,
230
00:12:16,454 --> 00:12:18,070
which is like
Christian Girl Scouts.
231
00:12:18,102 --> 00:12:20,261
And then Saturday
occasionally I'd get drug in
232
00:12:20,294 --> 00:12:21,702
'cause my mom
had choir practice.
233
00:12:21,734 --> 00:12:23,749
So I lived at that church.
234
00:12:23,783 --> 00:12:25,942
And even then, I remember
I would sit in class
235
00:12:26,022 --> 00:12:27,110
and they would say something
236
00:12:27,142 --> 00:12:28,950
and it just
wouldn't make sense.
237
00:12:28,983 --> 00:12:31,249
They would say something
238
00:12:31,798 --> 00:12:33,236
that defied logic
239
00:12:33,268 --> 00:12:34,435
even to a third-grader.
240
00:12:34,484 --> 00:12:37,315
And, um... so I just...
241
00:12:37,364 --> 00:12:40,435
I didn't feel
any guilt about sex
242
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,179
by the time
it got down to that.
243
00:12:43,316 --> 00:12:44,627
Church was, like, forced.
You know what I mean?
244
00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:47,667
When I was really, really
young, I was all about it.
245
00:12:47,716 --> 00:12:49,683
I loved going
to Sunday school
246
00:12:49,717 --> 00:12:51,620
and, you know,
things like that.
247
00:12:51,653 --> 00:12:56,115
I was, like, sort of
the preacher's pet,
248
00:12:56,624 --> 00:12:57,903
I guess you could say.
249
00:12:57,921 --> 00:13:00,719
That sounds kind of sexual.
It wasn't at all.
250
00:13:01,670 --> 00:13:03,381
Just that I was, like,
you know,
251
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:04,868
the shining little star
in the bunch
252
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,300
and had all of Genesis
memorized
253
00:13:07,318 --> 00:13:09,028
by my fourth birthday,
you know.
254
00:13:09,061 --> 00:13:11,269
But then one day,
I just woke up
255
00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:13,316
and I realized
that it's just a story,
256
00:13:13,350 --> 00:13:14,820
at least in my opinion.
257
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,756
I respect
any and all religions
258
00:13:16,790 --> 00:13:20,149
as long as, you know,
they're about, you know,
259
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,496
the greater good of all.
260
00:13:22,514 --> 00:13:23,952
You know what I mean?
261
00:13:23,986 --> 00:13:27,344
But for me, I just kind of
came to look at religion
262
00:13:27,393 --> 00:13:30,593
as, like, a placebo
that people need
263
00:13:31,190 --> 00:13:32,757
to get them through
dark moments
264
00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:35,270
and to sort of
guide their ships.
265
00:13:35,303 --> 00:13:37,030
But I just kind of
went renegade
266
00:13:37,079 --> 00:13:39,542
and decided I didn't want
any of those things, you know.
267
00:13:41,624 --> 00:13:43,735
You know who I love?
Deepak Chopra.
268
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:44,887
First time I went
to one of his seminars,
269
00:13:44,904 --> 00:13:47,020
I hate to tell you,
it changed my life.
270
00:13:47,098 --> 00:13:48,300
Changed my life.
271
00:13:48,325 --> 00:13:49,763
Just how he says,
you know,
272
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:52,356
think about loading all these
things into your suitcases
273
00:13:52,388 --> 00:13:54,211
and how heavy it's gonna get
274
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,770
and all those little things
that just...
275
00:13:56,793 --> 00:13:58,468
Yeah, you know what?
You're right.
276
00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:00,748
Made a difference.
Let it go.
277
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:03,422
Do you have a strong
religious connection at all?
278
00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:04,422
Mm-mm, no.
279
00:14:04,494 --> 00:14:06,413
My mom's Catholic,
you know.
280
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:09,822
I was baptized Catholic,
but, no, we didn't really...
281
00:14:09,854 --> 00:14:11,742
You know,
we had a pretty...
282
00:14:11,774 --> 00:14:13,982
I pretty much was able
to do whatever I wanted,
283
00:14:14,015 --> 00:14:16,173
which is probably
why I'm here.
284
00:14:18,175 --> 00:14:21,067
I just was very naive
and didn't really, like...
285
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,671
I grew up being scared
to say what I really felt.
286
00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:28,943
You know, I think my mom's
intentions were good,
287
00:14:28,977 --> 00:14:30,655
but she really
raised us kids
288
00:14:30,689 --> 00:14:33,168
to kind of suppress that.
289
00:14:33,217 --> 00:14:35,567
You know, like,
don't speak up kinda.
290
00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:37,647
And that kind of hurt me
in a lot of ways.
291
00:14:37,696 --> 00:14:39,567
Growing up, it was,
like, man, you know...
292
00:14:39,616 --> 00:14:41,567
Being 30 years old now,
293
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,008
I'm finally being
able to go, okay,
294
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,607
I can say this
and it's okay,
295
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,519
and I'm not gonna,
like, get hurt
296
00:14:47,536 --> 00:14:50,288
and these people aren't gonna
be angry at me, you know.
297
00:14:50,337 --> 00:14:53,007
It was a lot of work
to be able to do that.
298
00:14:54,273 --> 00:14:56,513
But I think
one of the reasons
299
00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:58,273
that's it's so common
300
00:14:58,305 --> 00:15:02,993
for girls in adult not
to have fathers in the home
301
00:15:03,026 --> 00:15:05,553
is not really because
they're damaged,
302
00:15:05,585 --> 00:15:09,216
but because there's not
someone there to disappoint.
303
00:15:09,731 --> 00:15:10,994
I mean, it's one thing
304
00:15:11,012 --> 00:15:12,179
to disappoint your mom
like that.
305
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:13,874
It's another
to disappoint your dad.
306
00:15:13,892 --> 00:15:16,274
And if you don't have
a dad to disappoint,
307
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,810
that barrier is not there.
308
00:15:17,843 --> 00:15:20,946
And so lots of people,
especially now,
309
00:15:20,979 --> 00:15:22,371
are children of divorce
310
00:15:22,403 --> 00:15:26,323
and one-parent homes and
everything, but it's just...
311
00:15:26,355 --> 00:15:28,002
I find with adult
that it's always
312
00:15:28,051 --> 00:15:30,003
just a matter of how many
barriers were there,
313
00:15:30,035 --> 00:15:31,842
because there are barriers.
314
00:15:31,907 --> 00:15:33,603
It's a social no-no.
It's taboo.
315
00:15:33,652 --> 00:15:37,605
So if it's a child
coming in from foster care,
316
00:15:38,207 --> 00:15:39,645
they have no one
to disappoint.
317
00:15:39,678 --> 00:15:42,046
If it's a child coming in
from one parent,
318
00:15:42,079 --> 00:15:43,038
especially the mom,
319
00:15:43,086 --> 00:15:44,766
they don't have a dad
to disappoint.
320
00:15:44,798 --> 00:15:47,198
If it's a child... you know...
And they're not fucked up.
321
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:50,366
They don't have to worry
about that responsibility.
322
00:15:50,398 --> 00:15:52,429
If it's a child
who moved around a lot,
323
00:15:52,447 --> 00:15:54,797
they don't have the roots
in the community
324
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,269
that they can disappoint.
325
00:15:56,287 --> 00:15:58,845
And so the less
grounded you are
326
00:15:58,878 --> 00:16:00,045
into a community
and a family,
327
00:16:00,079 --> 00:16:01,598
the easier it is to go off
and do things
328
00:16:01,647 --> 00:16:02,960
that go against that.
329
00:16:04,484 --> 00:16:06,484
Listening to these stories,
330
00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:08,292
I also wanted
a different perspective,
331
00:16:08,324 --> 00:16:09,764
so I approached an agent
332
00:16:09,813 --> 00:16:11,567
and veteran
of the adult industry.
333
00:16:11,818 --> 00:16:14,570
People who don't know
our industry will say,
334
00:16:14,602 --> 00:16:17,386
well, surely they wanted
to be a Hollywood actress.
335
00:16:17,418 --> 00:16:18,666
No, they didn't.
336
00:16:18,698 --> 00:16:21,257
They're not
failed actresses.
337
00:16:21,306 --> 00:16:23,273
They've been promiscuous
all their lives
338
00:16:23,307 --> 00:16:27,129
and when they reach 18,
you know what?
339
00:16:27,147 --> 00:16:28,506
I'm giving it away
for free.
340
00:16:28,538 --> 00:16:30,265
I might as well
do it on camera.
341
00:16:30,383 --> 00:16:32,270
They don't think,
well, in the future
342
00:16:32,584 --> 00:16:35,896
it might hinder
a normal relationship
343
00:16:36,781 --> 00:16:39,868
or it will be difficult
to raise children
344
00:16:39,901 --> 00:16:42,157
knowing that one day
that's gonna come up.
345
00:16:42,206 --> 00:16:45,276
We want 18-year-olds
because they're fresh,
346
00:16:45,309 --> 00:16:47,676
because they have
tight bodies,
347
00:16:48,144 --> 00:16:51,503
and because that's what
a lot of guys who jerk off
348
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,200
want to jerk off to.
349
00:16:53,264 --> 00:16:54,479
They don't want
to jerk off
350
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,432
to a woman that looks
like their wife
351
00:16:56,464 --> 00:16:59,328
even if their wife
is beautiful.
352
00:17:00,179 --> 00:17:02,611
So the first
three years,
353
00:17:02,660 --> 00:17:03,938
if they work
from 18 to 21,
354
00:17:03,972 --> 00:17:05,218
none of them are smart.
355
00:17:05,251 --> 00:17:07,011
I don't care
who they are.
356
00:17:07,043 --> 00:17:11,490
They're gonna blow through
$150,000, $250,000.
357
00:17:11,523 --> 00:17:12,819
So for that,
I would like them...
358
00:17:12,851 --> 00:17:15,778
spend 18 to 21,
get some education.
359
00:17:15,811 --> 00:17:17,922
See if this is really
what you want to do
360
00:17:17,939 --> 00:17:22,579
because you will have
a scarlet letter on you.
361
00:17:22,611 --> 00:17:24,147
You will.
362
00:17:35,113 --> 00:17:37,336
The more time I spent
getting to know these women,
363
00:17:37,401 --> 00:17:38,728
the more
I kept thinking about
364
00:17:38,777 --> 00:17:42,445
the changes in the world we live
in regarding our views on sex.
365
00:17:42,470 --> 00:17:44,944
We frown upon these women
in the sex industry
366
00:17:44,969 --> 00:17:48,130
who are making films to fulfill
the ever-growing demand.
367
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,080
Yet if there was no need
for porn,
368
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:51,916
these women
would be choosing
369
00:17:51,941 --> 00:17:53,822
a completely different
life path.
370
00:17:53,893 --> 00:17:55,045
Sex is everywhere
371
00:17:55,077 --> 00:17:57,780
and right in front of our noses
on a daily basis,
372
00:17:58,192 --> 00:18:00,927
somewhat distorting
its sensuous roots.
373
00:18:00,944 --> 00:18:03,056
One can see advertising
up on giant billboards
374
00:18:03,136 --> 00:18:04,976
trying to sell a product,
375
00:18:05,056 --> 00:18:08,367
yet the subliminal message depicts
some sort of sexual innuendo
376
00:18:09,145 --> 00:18:12,008
stating that sex holds
the power and without it,
377
00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:15,000
this product
holds no value to you.
378
00:18:16,649 --> 00:18:19,609
From the media with its
mainstream publications
379
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:24,520
to the high-art intellectual magazines
that sell across the globe...
380
00:18:24,934 --> 00:18:28,470
reality TV shows
that stream uncensored
381
00:18:28,503 --> 00:18:32,534
live on the Internet
all day, every day...
382
00:18:32,838 --> 00:18:35,062
to the pop icons
we so love and adore
383
00:18:35,094 --> 00:18:37,350
who use their sexuality
384
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:40,389
to pull you into their
extraordinary world...
385
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:43,915
ultimately, sex sells.
386
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,379
Yet why are we so willing
to let sex be the indicator
387
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,818
as to whether
something tastes better,
388
00:18:48,851 --> 00:18:50,114
runs faster,
389
00:18:50,148 --> 00:18:54,131
or makes you look and smell
more attractive?
390
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,311
The lines are blurring
391
00:18:57,328 --> 00:19:00,207
between the messages we are
sending out into the world.
392
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,608
Whether you think sex
is the root of all evil
393
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:06,967
or the thing that connects you to God,
everyone is partaking in a sacred ritual.
394
00:19:07,178 --> 00:19:09,897
So ultimately,
how far are we willing to go
395
00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:12,809
to forget the true power
of who we really are
396
00:19:12,841 --> 00:19:15,641
as we are letting go
of our innate sensuality
397
00:19:16,142 --> 00:19:19,037
for our obsession
with sexuality?
398
00:19:31,554 --> 00:19:35,984
When I first came into the business,
I couldn't say the word blowjob.
399
00:19:36,017 --> 00:19:37,158
Forget throat fuck
400
00:19:38,587 --> 00:19:40,497
and fisting.
401
00:19:40,528 --> 00:19:42,927
And after about
three months of working...
402
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,887
I don't know if you know him...
Clive McLean is his name.
403
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,103
He shot for Hustler for
29 years before he died.
404
00:19:49,137 --> 00:19:51,360
And they have a beautiful
ranch in Sunland,
405
00:19:51,392 --> 00:19:55,311
and, okay, I've become
adjusted to the porn life,
406
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,381
and after three months,
I went up there
407
00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:58,844
and I said,
put the kettle on.
408
00:19:58,877 --> 00:19:59,948
I need to chat to you.
409
00:19:59,982 --> 00:20:04,341
I said because, morally, I don't think
women should sell themselves for sex.
410
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:06,106
I said,
so if I don't believe
411
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:09,209
what they're doing is moral,
what sort of person am I?
412
00:20:09,258 --> 00:20:11,401
I'm getting a paycheck
off of their pussies.
413
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:13,497
It makes me worse.
414
00:20:13,530 --> 00:20:15,161
Someone's gonna
do your job, Fran,
415
00:20:15,194 --> 00:20:17,497
and there's always
gonna be people like you.
416
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:19,049
And they can either choose
417
00:20:19,082 --> 00:20:20,857
to have someone that doesn't
give a shit about them
418
00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:21,769
or someone like you
419
00:20:21,802 --> 00:20:24,217
who might actually care
about them.
420
00:20:25,293 --> 00:20:28,499
I never believed I would
actually do it, you know.
421
00:20:28,601 --> 00:20:30,312
It's one of those things
422
00:20:30,345 --> 00:20:32,120
where I think
the greatest reservation
423
00:20:32,169 --> 00:20:33,608
lies in people discovering you
424
00:20:33,641 --> 00:20:35,048
and treating you differently
425
00:20:35,082 --> 00:20:37,401
because of what you do,
you know.
426
00:20:38,451 --> 00:20:40,889
And I was always
petrified of that.
427
00:20:40,975 --> 00:20:43,358
I knew that there was
a lot of money to be made,
428
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:44,686
and so that
was the motivation.
429
00:20:44,735 --> 00:20:47,134
Anyone who tells you
it isn't is full of shit.
430
00:20:48,335 --> 00:20:49,726
An agent approached me
431
00:20:49,758 --> 00:20:51,646
and said we'd like to bring you
out to California.
432
00:20:51,678 --> 00:20:54,846
We see that you do some...
We see that you do nude work,
433
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,518
and all you would be doing
is Playbolevel.
434
00:20:57,677 --> 00:21:00,092
And so on my first shoot
when they said, "Okay,
435
00:21:00,186 --> 00:21:02,108
now we're gonna film,"
I go, "Film what?"
436
00:21:02,758 --> 00:21:04,869
And they said,
"Your solo scene."
437
00:21:04,918 --> 00:21:08,197
And I said, "Of course it's
solo, but what are we filming?"
438
00:21:08,231 --> 00:21:10,229
They go,
"Your masturbation scene."
439
00:21:10,424 --> 00:21:13,287
I go, "I hate to admit this
440
00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:15,835
"and you're not gonna believe me, but
I've never masturbated in my life."
441
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:17,858
And they go, "Well,
how is that possible?"
442
00:21:17,891 --> 00:21:21,378
I go, "I always had
somebody to do it for me."
443
00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:24,858
But I sat there just
deer-in-the-headlights
444
00:21:24,891 --> 00:21:28,618
and I said, "So how much am I
getting paid for the day?"
445
00:21:28,667 --> 00:21:30,666
And they told me
and my jaw dropped
446
00:21:30,699 --> 00:21:32,426
because not only was that
the biggest paycheck
447
00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,106
I'd ever gotten in one day,
448
00:21:34,953 --> 00:21:38,632
that's the biggest check
I'd ever gotten in my life.
449
00:21:39,075 --> 00:21:41,145
I get paid to have sex.
450
00:21:41,349 --> 00:21:43,349
Like, why doesn't
everybody do that?
451
00:21:43,381 --> 00:21:45,060
We do it for free
all the time.
452
00:21:45,093 --> 00:21:47,012
If you can make money,
why not?
453
00:21:47,567 --> 00:21:49,760
I remember going online
to find an agent
454
00:21:49,847 --> 00:21:52,014
because I wanted
to do nude modeling.
455
00:21:52,171 --> 00:21:53,649
And when I went there,
456
00:21:53,719 --> 00:21:55,807
I went in, took
my Polaroid, of course.
457
00:21:56,011 --> 00:21:57,274
And when I walked out,
458
00:21:57,291 --> 00:21:59,242
I guess I didn't really
pay attention
459
00:21:59,291 --> 00:22:00,970
to what was hanging
on the walls.
460
00:22:01,003 --> 00:22:03,882
And it was a hardcore
adult company.
461
00:22:04,858 --> 00:22:05,903
And I was, like,
462
00:22:06,005 --> 00:22:08,324
well, that's not, you know,
what I signed up for.
463
00:22:08,357 --> 00:22:09,796
I was just trying
to do, you know,
464
00:22:09,845 --> 00:22:12,452
nude modeling like
Penthouse style stuff.
465
00:22:13,191 --> 00:22:15,094
And the owner of the company
466
00:22:15,111 --> 00:22:17,222
and one of the directors
loved me so much,
467
00:22:17,271 --> 00:22:19,969
they were, like, please,
please, please do this.
468
00:22:20,068 --> 00:22:22,755
He was, like, we'll pay you
a better amount...
469
00:22:22,788 --> 00:22:24,051
you know, we'll pay you
this amount of money,
470
00:22:24,084 --> 00:22:25,315
which was better
than any other girl
471
00:22:25,348 --> 00:22:26,595
was getting at that moment.
472
00:22:26,628 --> 00:22:28,547
And they said if
I didn't feel comfortable,
473
00:22:28,579 --> 00:22:29,555
if I didn't like it,
474
00:22:29,588 --> 00:22:31,187
I didn't have to sign
the model release
475
00:22:31,236 --> 00:22:32,739
and they'll still pay me.
476
00:22:32,756 --> 00:22:35,907
So giving me
that freedom to choose
477
00:22:35,940 --> 00:22:37,667
whether I like it or not
during it,
478
00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:39,075
not a lot of people
479
00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:42,836
get that first experience
in the business.
480
00:22:43,994 --> 00:22:48,073
So elongate a female
performer's career.
481
00:22:48,106 --> 00:22:51,353
The idea is you come in,
482
00:22:51,402 --> 00:22:53,765
you start off doing
girl-girl and solos
483
00:22:53,813 --> 00:22:54,916
until you're comfortable
484
00:22:54,949 --> 00:22:56,436
being in front
of the camera.
485
00:22:56,484 --> 00:22:58,739
Then you'll introduce
a boy.
486
00:22:59,527 --> 00:23:01,638
Then after six months
of that,
487
00:23:01,671 --> 00:23:03,958
you'll be seen on camera
with two boys.
488
00:23:04,934 --> 00:23:06,232
Keep it stretched out.
489
00:23:06,358 --> 00:23:07,845
Don't give your fans
490
00:23:07,878 --> 00:23:10,165
and the public
and the porn world
491
00:23:10,198 --> 00:23:11,989
all of your body
all at once
492
00:23:12,596 --> 00:23:14,971
because if you're 18
and you do that,
493
00:23:15,096 --> 00:23:16,727
you won't see past 24
494
00:23:16,744 --> 00:23:19,943
because you would have
done everything.
495
00:23:20,393 --> 00:23:22,440
Smart women
that you've met
496
00:23:22,473 --> 00:23:25,000
that are in
their later thirties,
497
00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:26,956
they've done it
the right way.
498
00:23:26,973 --> 00:23:28,262
They've held off.
499
00:23:28,702 --> 00:23:30,029
Sure,
we'll give it to you,
500
00:23:30,078 --> 00:23:32,349
but you're gonna
have to wait for it.
501
00:23:32,891 --> 00:23:34,656
And then the fans
have got it.
502
00:24:43,775 --> 00:24:44,942
I was in New York
503
00:24:44,991 --> 00:24:47,441
and I was dancing at
one of the clubs there.
504
00:24:47,582 --> 00:24:49,821
And I just woke up
one morning
505
00:24:49,854 --> 00:24:51,933
and I was, like, I'm just
sick of this lifestyle.
506
00:24:51,966 --> 00:24:55,133
Like, I'm out
till 5, 6 A.M.
507
00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:57,037
I sleep
until 5, 6 P.M.
508
00:24:57,086 --> 00:24:58,845
I get up,
I go blow some money,
509
00:24:58,893 --> 00:25:00,845
and then I go to work
and I do it again.
510
00:25:00,878 --> 00:25:02,285
You know, it was just
like this vicious cycle,
511
00:25:02,317 --> 00:25:03,692
and I was drinking a lot.
512
00:25:03,726 --> 00:25:06,445
And I didn't necessarily
think that adult
513
00:25:06,478 --> 00:25:08,813
would be, like,
my saving grace, you know.
514
00:25:08,845 --> 00:25:10,653
I just thought it was something
else that I could do.
515
00:25:10,686 --> 00:25:12,653
If I didn't experience
this firsthand,
516
00:25:12,685 --> 00:25:14,205
I wouldn't believe it.
517
00:25:14,871 --> 00:25:17,911
But I am actually
more together and stable
518
00:25:17,944 --> 00:25:20,391
than I've ever been
in my whole life, you know.
519
00:25:21,042 --> 00:25:23,681
Financially,
520
00:25:23,713 --> 00:25:25,964
you know, as far as
having a little home
521
00:25:26,144 --> 00:25:28,703
and just trying
to just build a life.
522
00:25:28,798 --> 00:25:32,797
And I know it sounds... again,
it sounds insane, you know,
523
00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:36,636
that I found
my stability in porn.
524
00:25:36,754 --> 00:25:39,296
It just doesn't sound
like it makes sense,
525
00:25:39,555 --> 00:25:41,746
but that's what I did.
526
00:25:52,855 --> 00:25:55,493
Because in a sense they're
becoming younger and younger,
527
00:25:55,511 --> 00:25:59,190
I feel,
in their interest in sex,
528
00:25:59,223 --> 00:26:00,919
because it's all
on the Internet.
529
00:26:01,005 --> 00:26:03,517
You can download it,
you can get to it quicker.
530
00:26:04,083 --> 00:26:07,437
Do you find there's a lot of
18-year-olds coming to you?
531
00:26:07,726 --> 00:26:10,253
Like, literally, you're, like,
let me see your passport?
532
00:26:10,302 --> 00:26:11,404
They walk in,
that's all they know.
533
00:26:11,438 --> 00:26:12,701
They don't know
anything else.
534
00:26:12,734 --> 00:26:14,621
They just know
they can fuck,
535
00:26:14,654 --> 00:26:16,333
they like the attention.
536
00:26:16,382 --> 00:26:18,861
Do you think a lot of these
girls are sex addicts?
537
00:26:19,934 --> 00:26:21,213
Um...
538
00:26:21,245 --> 00:26:23,932
No. I think they're more
attention addicts.
539
00:26:25,496 --> 00:26:28,023
When stripping and porn
came into the picture,
540
00:26:28,056 --> 00:26:31,527
it was, like, wow,
like, a lot of attention.
541
00:26:31,544 --> 00:26:33,623
And also the attention
of feeling sexy,
542
00:26:33,656 --> 00:26:35,383
because I didn't get
that kind of attention
543
00:26:35,415 --> 00:26:36,663
growing up either.
544
00:26:37,181 --> 00:26:38,300
I was not that girl,
you know.
545
00:26:38,349 --> 00:26:39,739
Like, people
wouldn't look at me
546
00:26:39,788 --> 00:26:41,068
and, like, want to date me.
547
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,500
So it was, like, ooh,
I felt sexy, too, you know?
548
00:26:44,012 --> 00:26:45,419
But I don't know
where that came from.
549
00:26:45,453 --> 00:26:46,780
I really... I'd love to know.
550
00:26:46,829 --> 00:26:47,980
Well, it turns on
the switch.
551
00:26:48,013 --> 00:26:49,900
When you know that
you're having a gap.
552
00:26:49,933 --> 00:26:51,340
My dad traveled at times.
I get it.
553
00:26:51,372 --> 00:26:52,908
That switch turns
and you're, like, oh, wait,
554
00:26:52,941 --> 00:26:55,148
but I can get it from here
and this makes me feel good.
555
00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:56,988
Because I think
we all want to be loved
556
00:26:57,021 --> 00:26:58,988
on a very, you know,
profound level.
557
00:26:59,028 --> 00:27:00,779
You have a child,
so you know that.
558
00:27:00,883 --> 00:27:03,114
You know
you need to feed her
559
00:27:03,202 --> 00:27:06,370
to make her feel that
she is really cared about.
560
00:27:06,616 --> 00:27:07,608
So kind of it's that.
561
00:27:07,633 --> 00:27:10,975
When you moved
into stripping,
562
00:27:11,694 --> 00:27:14,911
was it with intention to go
into porn or was it just...
563
00:27:15,271 --> 00:27:17,639
Not at all.
Like, not at all.
564
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,927
The same girlfriend
565
00:27:19,959 --> 00:27:21,639
that got me hooked up
in the bachelor parties,
566
00:27:21,687 --> 00:27:23,350
we hadn't been hanging out
all the time.
567
00:27:23,368 --> 00:27:25,127
I randomly
got a call from her.
568
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,759
She's in L.A. doing porn
569
00:27:26,808 --> 00:27:30,391
and she's with an agent
who will give her 100 bucks
570
00:27:30,408 --> 00:27:32,679
if she would, you know,
scout girls for him.
571
00:27:32,728 --> 00:27:33,767
So she was, like, hey,
572
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:34,966
you want to come out
and try this?
573
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,199
And that's how it happened.
574
00:27:36,248 --> 00:27:38,887
I was on the plane
the next day and...
575
00:27:40,812 --> 00:27:44,971
I started stripping
when I was 15 years old.
576
00:27:45,986 --> 00:27:48,305
I think back then,
'cause I was really young,
577
00:27:48,345 --> 00:27:50,080
I probably liked attention,
you know.
578
00:27:50,112 --> 00:27:51,280
I liked attention.
579
00:27:51,328 --> 00:27:52,671
I really wasn't thinking
about the money.
580
00:27:52,688 --> 00:27:55,248
But I had won a dance
contest in Hollywood.
581
00:27:55,281 --> 00:27:57,372
I used to hang
around Hollywood a lot
582
00:27:57,403 --> 00:27:59,442
and I knew everybody
back then,
583
00:27:59,459 --> 00:28:01,150
so I would get in
all the clubs.
584
00:28:01,291 --> 00:28:03,224
And I met a guy there
who was, like,
585
00:28:03,326 --> 00:28:05,432
"I know how you can make
a lot of money."
586
00:28:05,464 --> 00:28:06,855
And I was, like,
really? How?
587
00:28:06,936 --> 00:28:08,775
He's, like, my friend owns
a bachelor party company.
588
00:28:08,972 --> 00:28:11,130
And I said, but I'm not
of age, you know.
589
00:28:11,163 --> 00:28:12,459
I'm only 15.
590
00:28:12,491 --> 00:28:14,731
He's, like, oh, it's okay,
they won't ask for ID.
591
00:28:14,780 --> 00:28:17,371
And so I started stripping
at bachelor parties
592
00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:18,682
when I was young.
593
00:28:18,700 --> 00:28:19,851
I like to have sex.
594
00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:24,970
I mean, when I was younger,
yeah, I was probably...
595
00:28:25,772 --> 00:28:27,132
I'd look back now
596
00:28:27,165 --> 00:28:29,719
and probably say silly girl,
silly young girl.
597
00:28:29,744 --> 00:28:31,623
I was never afraid of sex.
598
00:28:32,225 --> 00:28:34,168
So it was just like, okay,
599
00:28:34,363 --> 00:28:36,347
so people are gonna get
to see me having sex
600
00:28:36,364 --> 00:28:37,915
and people are gonna
get to see me naked.
601
00:28:37,947 --> 00:28:39,563
And I figured that,
602
00:28:39,596 --> 00:28:44,395
after I'd done the first,
like, time on the camera,
603
00:28:44,911 --> 00:28:48,125
I was either gonna love it
or hate it.
604
00:28:48,159 --> 00:28:49,822
You know, and if
I didn't like it,
605
00:28:49,871 --> 00:28:53,229
I knew I could just walk away.
606
00:28:53,469 --> 00:28:55,468
My family,
they're very judgmental
607
00:28:55,517 --> 00:28:59,195
and they kind of made it
seem like, oh, really?
608
00:28:59,229 --> 00:29:00,748
So this is what
you're gonna do?
609
00:29:00,797 --> 00:29:02,748
So what are you
getting paid?
610
00:29:02,780 --> 00:29:04,668
Who are you?
I don't see you on TV.
611
00:29:04,700 --> 00:29:06,267
You know,
so it became, like, okay,
612
00:29:06,300 --> 00:29:07,516
so if you're gonna do it,
613
00:29:07,549 --> 00:29:08,876
then you need to be
the best at it.
614
00:29:09,128 --> 00:29:11,975
And I thrived on that
and I became the best at it
615
00:29:12,132 --> 00:29:14,134
and I just kept growing
and growing and growing.
616
00:29:14,323 --> 00:29:15,746
And I'm still not exactly
617
00:29:15,804 --> 00:29:17,771
where I want to be
in this industry,
618
00:29:18,100 --> 00:29:20,195
but, yeah, family had
a whole lot to do with that.
619
00:29:20,229 --> 00:29:21,428
Mom has always
been supportive.
620
00:29:21,460 --> 00:29:22,788
I love you, baby.
621
00:29:22,837 --> 00:29:23,876
But, you know,
622
00:29:23,957 --> 00:29:25,460
my family made it
kind of hard at first.
623
00:29:25,477 --> 00:29:28,516
But now that I am
where I am, oh, my goodness,
624
00:29:28,549 --> 00:29:30,868
the support that I have
from them is amazing.
625
00:29:30,916 --> 00:29:32,675
My dad's in the Air Force
626
00:29:32,709 --> 00:29:33,956
and then my mom
just, you know,
627
00:29:33,988 --> 00:29:35,107
she does different things,
secretary,
628
00:29:35,156 --> 00:29:36,596
she's worked at a bank.
629
00:29:36,628 --> 00:29:38,035
And I lived in Oklahoma,
630
00:29:38,069 --> 00:29:40,179
like I said, the only state
you can't buy porn.
631
00:29:40,197 --> 00:29:42,900
There's just
no easy way to do it.
632
00:29:43,334 --> 00:29:45,916
There's no way to tell them.
You can't hide it.
633
00:29:46,112 --> 00:29:47,474
Somebody's gonna see it.
634
00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:49,493
And there's
no softening the fact
635
00:29:49,611 --> 00:29:51,657
that you tell your parents,
"Hey, I'm doing porn." No.
636
00:29:51,690 --> 00:29:53,418
They knew I was always
in trouble, you know.
637
00:29:53,451 --> 00:29:55,305
But I actually
lost my virginity
638
00:29:55,339 --> 00:29:56,586
with my first husband.
639
00:29:56,618 --> 00:29:59,466
So I actually wasn't,
like, messing around.
640
00:29:59,498 --> 00:30:00,538
Like, I was always sexual...
641
00:30:00,587 --> 00:30:01,817
But not promiscuous.
642
00:30:01,866 --> 00:30:03,226
I didn't lose my virginity
until I was 17.
643
00:30:03,259 --> 00:30:06,538
I came home
and I said, "Mom, Dad,
644
00:30:07,529 --> 00:30:08,648
I'm moving to L.A."
645
00:30:08,666 --> 00:30:10,408
And they're, like,
what? Why?
646
00:30:10,426 --> 00:30:11,849
Because it came
out of nowhere.
647
00:30:11,881 --> 00:30:13,625
It wasn't, like, oh, I was
thinking about doing this.
648
00:30:13,658 --> 00:30:16,393
They're, like, "Why are
you moving to L.A.?"
649
00:30:16,425 --> 00:30:17,944
I was, like, "To do porn."
650
00:30:17,978 --> 00:30:20,170
My dad called me
every name in the book.
651
00:30:21,150 --> 00:30:23,615
"What the fuck?
Oh, my God!"
652
00:30:23,685 --> 00:30:27,740
My mom was just like
a deer in the headlights.
653
00:30:27,772 --> 00:30:30,092
The only porno
that I ever saw
654
00:30:30,141 --> 00:30:31,371
that I came across,
655
00:30:31,420 --> 00:30:32,972
my parents
made a home video,
656
00:30:33,021 --> 00:30:34,443
which was
quite disturbing.
657
00:30:34,477 --> 00:30:35,692
Yeah, I know.
I was being nosy
658
00:30:35,741 --> 00:30:39,132
in my parents' closet
with my stepsister
659
00:30:39,165 --> 00:30:40,763
and we came across
some videos
660
00:30:40,781 --> 00:30:43,099
and we put it in
not knowing what it was.
661
00:30:44,146 --> 00:30:46,833
And, yeah, not sexy,
so I turned it off
662
00:30:46,867 --> 00:30:48,274
and screamed and was
scarred for life.
663
00:30:48,306 --> 00:30:50,737
My father still doesn't
know I ever watched it
664
00:30:50,783 --> 00:30:52,199
or ever saw it.
665
00:30:52,498 --> 00:30:54,626
When I finally started
getting recognized,
666
00:30:54,674 --> 00:30:56,977
I was, like, okay,
I'm a porn star.
667
00:30:57,027 --> 00:30:58,513
Now let's do this.
668
00:30:58,546 --> 00:31:01,058
Because, like, what I discussed
with them earlier, it did...
669
00:31:01,090 --> 00:31:03,074
It got to a point
where it was, like, okay,
670
00:31:03,106 --> 00:31:04,786
if I'm gonna do this,
671
00:31:04,818 --> 00:31:06,225
I'm gonna be the best I can be
672
00:31:06,258 --> 00:31:08,626
and maybe try and be
the best there can be
673
00:31:08,658 --> 00:31:10,257
or is or ever was.
674
00:31:10,274 --> 00:31:11,745
I wanted, at that point,
675
00:31:11,794 --> 00:31:14,379
knew, like, okay,
now this is my career.
676
00:31:14,654 --> 00:31:17,485
Now I'm not just
gonna do it half-assed.
677
00:31:17,842 --> 00:31:19,495
I'm gonna do it all the way.
678
00:31:19,605 --> 00:31:21,640
So I want to rise to the top.
Of course.
679
00:31:22,289 --> 00:31:24,403
About three months in,
I was gonna stay.
680
00:31:24,428 --> 00:31:26,476
But when I really, actually
started doing porn,
681
00:31:26,508 --> 00:31:28,235
I didn't feel like
I was doing porn.
682
00:31:28,268 --> 00:31:31,548
And then again, I wasn't
raised even watching porn
683
00:31:31,629 --> 00:31:32,796
or knowing what porn is.
684
00:31:32,828 --> 00:31:34,699
So my mind
didn't wrap around,
685
00:31:34,717 --> 00:31:35,996
like, this was porn,
you know,
686
00:31:36,029 --> 00:31:37,467
because my parents
never hid me from it.
687
00:31:37,516 --> 00:31:38,876
It was never in my house,
it was never around.
688
00:31:38,909 --> 00:31:40,299
It wasn't something
we talked about.
689
00:31:40,316 --> 00:31:41,739
I was raised very religious,
690
00:31:41,757 --> 00:31:44,504
so my mind didn't think of it
as something bad either.
691
00:31:44,529 --> 00:31:46,236
I just didn't know
what it was.
692
00:31:46,917 --> 00:31:49,685
I wasn't forced to do
anything I didn't want to.
693
00:31:49,734 --> 00:31:50,756
Nobody ruined my life.
694
00:31:50,773 --> 00:31:52,356
It was a decision that
for the rest of my life
695
00:31:52,374 --> 00:31:54,325
I'm gonna have to deal with
someone questioning me
696
00:31:54,374 --> 00:31:56,516
because I did do, you know,
an adult film and whatnot.
697
00:31:56,533 --> 00:31:59,234
But at the end of the day,
I did it because I wanted to
698
00:31:59,344 --> 00:32:01,557
and I feel confident enough
to, you know,
699
00:32:01,621 --> 00:32:03,701
take responsibility
for my own actions.
700
00:32:04,137 --> 00:32:08,041
Do you think you can have
this career as an adult star
701
00:32:08,073 --> 00:32:09,992
and be able
to have an impact
702
00:32:10,026 --> 00:32:11,144
beyond the sex?
703
00:32:11,178 --> 00:32:13,576
You know, what happened was
704
00:32:13,625 --> 00:32:16,200
the second that I started
doing scenes...
705
00:32:16,234 --> 00:32:17,385
like, when I went in,
706
00:32:17,417 --> 00:32:19,576
because
it was so easy for me
707
00:32:19,609 --> 00:32:22,104
to take one look at
the girls at the convention
708
00:32:22,138 --> 00:32:24,505
before I signed and see it
for what it was,
709
00:32:24,537 --> 00:32:29,465
I assumed that anyone
who was given a glimmer
710
00:32:30,156 --> 00:32:31,388
could see it
for what it was.
711
00:32:31,420 --> 00:32:34,476
So I didn't think
that the prejudices
712
00:32:34,508 --> 00:32:36,747
would be hard ones
to break down.
713
00:32:37,284 --> 00:32:40,931
And then I remember
it wasn't people who knew me
714
00:32:40,965 --> 00:32:42,995
who were telling me, oh,
you've made a big mistake
715
00:32:43,028 --> 00:32:45,715
and, oh, you're never gonna
amount to anything now,
716
00:32:45,748 --> 00:32:46,978
you've ruined your life.
717
00:32:47,010 --> 00:32:49,956
It was strangers.
And I remember at first
718
00:32:50,005 --> 00:32:52,324
I was like, ha-ha, you're
funny, that's so ignorant.
719
00:32:52,356 --> 00:32:55,027
And then
it was a growing voice
720
00:32:55,045 --> 00:32:56,324
as I got a growing name.
721
00:32:56,357 --> 00:32:58,099
There were more people
who want to tell you
722
00:32:58,133 --> 00:32:59,779
"You're too pretty for this,
you're too this for that."
723
00:32:59,813 --> 00:33:01,060
I'm, like, what do you mean?
724
00:33:01,092 --> 00:33:03,219
That makes no sense
to be "too pretty" for porn.
725
00:33:03,252 --> 00:33:04,658
I mean, they want pretty.
726
00:33:04,829 --> 00:33:06,046
I mean, they don't...
727
00:33:06,971 --> 00:33:08,227
How can you be...
728
00:33:08,431 --> 00:33:11,406
It's like saying you're
too good of an actress
729
00:33:11,439 --> 00:33:13,647
to be an actress.
It's stupid.
730
00:33:14,188 --> 00:33:16,921
I immediately started in
this business when I was 18,
731
00:33:16,953 --> 00:33:18,424
so I was still
very much a baby
732
00:33:18,473 --> 00:33:19,671
and hadn't fully developed.
733
00:33:19,704 --> 00:33:22,535
My mom got implants
when I was in school.
734
00:33:22,552 --> 00:33:25,111
I saw the transformation
of her,
735
00:33:25,145 --> 00:33:27,015
how she felt more womanly.
736
00:33:27,032 --> 00:33:28,632
And when I signed
my contract, they're, like,
737
00:33:28,664 --> 00:33:30,344
have you ever thought
of getting implants?
738
00:33:30,376 --> 00:33:32,551
I was, like,
I've always wanted them.
739
00:33:33,111 --> 00:33:35,671
So they're, like, okay,
then we will manage you
740
00:33:35,703 --> 00:33:37,462
and, you know, take you
to the right people
741
00:33:37,479 --> 00:33:39,271
so we can get it done right.
742
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:40,550
So I was happy
743
00:33:40,599 --> 00:33:43,478
that they guided me
in the right position
744
00:33:43,543 --> 00:33:45,350
and that I had a company
that stood behind me
745
00:33:45,384 --> 00:33:47,191
even at such a young age.
746
00:33:47,508 --> 00:33:49,315
I never thought
I'd be a porn star.
747
00:33:49,364 --> 00:33:51,603
I was gonna be
a weather girl.
748
00:33:51,636 --> 00:33:54,916
I did, and I even had
a full ride
749
00:33:54,965 --> 00:33:56,595
to O.U. for
meteorology school.
750
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,376
So I was actually
gonna be a weather girl.
751
00:33:59,408 --> 00:34:01,290
I was into sex,
and even at 18,
752
00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:02,927
like most girls
that get in.
753
00:34:03,014 --> 00:34:04,222
I was, like,
oh, I could do porn.
754
00:34:04,254 --> 00:34:05,630
But I didn't want to,
I was like, no,
755
00:34:05,662 --> 00:34:06,942
'cause what if I do it
and then I regret it
756
00:34:06,974 --> 00:34:08,413
or I don't like it?
757
00:34:08,430 --> 00:34:09,582
You thought about that?
758
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,133
I did, I did, and
I waited until I was 22.
759
00:34:13,127 --> 00:34:16,486
Is there a lot of people
in the industry whacked out?
760
00:34:16,914 --> 00:34:18,289
The girls especially?
761
00:34:19,477 --> 00:34:21,046
Like any industry,
by the way.
762
00:34:21,164 --> 00:34:23,549
I know, you know, with
the modeling industry,
763
00:34:23,580 --> 00:34:25,115
the various industries
that I've been in, of course,
764
00:34:25,148 --> 00:34:26,891
and the entertainment
industry,
765
00:34:26,924 --> 00:34:28,795
drugs are prevalent.
It's there.
766
00:34:28,844 --> 00:34:29,963
I know a lot of the girls
were explaining
767
00:34:29,996 --> 00:34:31,435
how they've had sex
with other girls
768
00:34:31,468 --> 00:34:32,843
or girls come onto the set
769
00:34:32,876 --> 00:34:34,284
and in the bathroom
every five minutes.
770
00:34:34,316 --> 00:34:35,563
And none of them
will say anything.
771
00:34:35,597 --> 00:34:36,700
None of them seem
to want to get involved.
772
00:34:36,732 --> 00:34:38,283
And it kind of
breaks my heart
773
00:34:38,317 --> 00:34:40,844
that they just want
to get the job done,
774
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:42,732
that nobody's...
775
00:34:43,172 --> 00:34:46,467
Well, they're
taking drugs on set
776
00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:49,171
because they're not happy
about what they're doing.
777
00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:50,403
They're taking drugs on set
778
00:34:50,420 --> 00:34:53,188
because they see a guy
with a cock like this.
779
00:34:53,220 --> 00:34:56,691
They know that's not going
anywhere without a Vicodin.
780
00:34:56,740 --> 00:34:58,723
I'm blessed.
I have a normal home life.
781
00:34:58,741 --> 00:35:00,483
I have a husband,
I have a kid.
782
00:35:00,500 --> 00:35:02,883
I have friends
that keep me in check.
783
00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:06,147
I do like some of
the porn girls very much.
784
00:35:06,936 --> 00:35:08,551
They are great company.
785
00:35:08,584 --> 00:35:10,119
I have a lot of fun
with them,
786
00:35:10,153 --> 00:35:11,176
a lot in common.
787
00:35:11,208 --> 00:35:12,967
And I will bring them
to my house.
788
00:35:13,016 --> 00:35:14,679
Do you think these girls
have lost a sense
789
00:35:14,713 --> 00:35:16,183
of who they really are
as women
790
00:35:16,217 --> 00:35:17,463
when they come into
that office?
791
00:35:17,496 --> 00:35:21,016
Yes. Not as women,
but they become
792
00:35:21,048 --> 00:35:24,264
the person they are
on the screen.
793
00:35:24,616 --> 00:35:26,935
They lose a sense
of themselves.
794
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,376
Do you think they're leaving
their soul at the door
795
00:35:29,408 --> 00:35:31,279
when they walk in
or do you think...
796
00:35:31,328 --> 00:35:32,879
I think every time
797
00:35:32,928 --> 00:35:36,687
someone does a scene
in front of a camera
798
00:35:37,610 --> 00:35:41,978
that a tiny bit
of their soul disappears.
799
00:35:42,010 --> 00:35:44,895
So I think as fast as
the money they might make,
800
00:35:45,021 --> 00:35:48,460
I think they will need to spend
half of that on therapy.
801
00:35:48,509 --> 00:35:50,540
"Why I did it
in the first place."
802
00:36:00,718 --> 00:36:02,461
Over the past several years,
803
00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,781
I've been fortunate enough
to photograph
804
00:36:04,814 --> 00:36:06,221
some of the most
successful people
805
00:36:06,254 --> 00:36:07,853
in the entertainment
industry,
806
00:36:07,887 --> 00:36:09,133
and I'm no stranger
807
00:36:09,166 --> 00:36:11,384
to creating
thought-provoking imagery:
808
00:36:11,525 --> 00:36:14,692
From artwork for
Grammy-nominated artists
809
00:36:15,021 --> 00:36:16,405
or exploring what happens
810
00:36:16,450 --> 00:36:18,429
behind the closed doors
of a hotel
811
00:36:18,592 --> 00:36:22,367
in the art photograph book
Room 23...
812
00:36:28,269 --> 00:36:32,108
to shooting beautiful women
for erotic stories in Paris.
813
00:36:32,749 --> 00:36:37,292
This was for my first
fine-art book, Paper Thin.
814
00:36:39,098 --> 00:36:40,953
Yet one of my dreams
was to shoot for Playboy
815
00:36:40,987 --> 00:36:43,545
because of its iconic imagery
of the past,
816
00:36:44,009 --> 00:36:45,496
and my dream was realized
817
00:36:45,529 --> 00:36:48,137
when they gave me their
cover story with Lisa Rinna,
818
00:36:48,169 --> 00:36:50,761
a woman very much in touch
with her body.
819
00:36:51,472 --> 00:36:54,771
Yet having the most sexualized
women in bed just for me
820
00:36:54,796 --> 00:36:57,771
was daunting, as I felt
that capturing their sensuality
821
00:36:57,804 --> 00:37:00,603
may not be as easy
as one would think.
822
00:37:08,044 --> 00:37:09,755
Okay, so what
we're gonna do
823
00:37:09,772 --> 00:37:11,051
is we're gonna have you
on the bed,
824
00:37:11,084 --> 00:37:12,443
take your robe off,
825
00:37:12,476 --> 00:37:15,132
and have you lie
in the center of the bed.
826
00:37:17,452 --> 00:37:19,195
Keep moving
around the space
827
00:37:19,212 --> 00:37:20,651
and I'm gonna
move around you.
828
00:37:20,684 --> 00:37:21,931
And your lights are here,
829
00:37:21,964 --> 00:37:23,883
so you're gonna play
to the light.
830
00:37:23,932 --> 00:37:25,963
If you move your face
away from it
831
00:37:26,012 --> 00:37:28,331
and you feel darkness,
you will be in dark.
832
00:37:38,226 --> 00:37:39,377
The hardest thing for me
833
00:37:39,410 --> 00:37:41,633
is pulling the sexy
out of the girl
834
00:37:41,666 --> 00:37:44,410
and have them really get
in touch with their sensual.
835
00:37:44,472 --> 00:37:46,441
You need to soften the eyes
836
00:37:46,491 --> 00:37:50,130
so that you show
a vulnerable side of yourself.
837
00:37:50,162 --> 00:37:52,042
I think that's
a very hard thing to do
838
00:37:52,074 --> 00:37:54,064
because somehow
your guard has to go down
839
00:37:54,089 --> 00:37:56,591
in order to allow that
to come through.
840
00:37:56,616 --> 00:37:59,401
But I know that that's
really the essence
841
00:37:59,434 --> 00:38:00,729
of what these images
are all about
842
00:38:00,762 --> 00:38:04,809
is trying to find the you
behind the porn star.
843
00:38:05,379 --> 00:38:07,539
? So you call me
844
00:38:07,588 --> 00:38:09,186
? I keep looking back
845
00:38:09,219 --> 00:38:10,626
? 'Cause you want it
846
00:38:10,659 --> 00:38:12,466
? I keep looking back
847
00:38:12,499 --> 00:38:14,307
? 'Cause I need it
848
00:38:14,339 --> 00:38:16,018
? I keep looking back
849
00:38:16,067 --> 00:38:17,298
? Come on, feed it
850
00:38:17,347 --> 00:38:19,459
? I keep looking back
851
00:38:19,491 --> 00:38:20,770
? ' Cause I found it
852
00:38:20,787 --> 00:38:22,339
? I keep looking back
853
00:38:22,371 --> 00:38:23,938
? I can tease it
854
00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:27,266
? I keep looking back
for love ?
855
00:38:28,427 --> 00:38:29,706
The hardest thing
I find
856
00:38:29,739 --> 00:38:31,674
is to take yourself
out of where you are,
857
00:38:31,708 --> 00:38:33,114
the lights, the people,
the whole thing.
858
00:38:33,147 --> 00:38:34,426
So if you can put yourself
in that place
859
00:38:34,475 --> 00:38:37,834
and just run with it
or just connect with me
860
00:38:37,867 --> 00:38:39,754
and just be
in that space,
861
00:38:39,787 --> 00:38:41,578
then it becomes
a bit more of a dance.
862
00:38:41,595 --> 00:38:43,674
And I think, for me,
modeling
863
00:38:43,707 --> 00:38:45,880
or being in front of
the camera is a dance.
864
00:38:45,949 --> 00:38:47,856
It's knowing
it's not easy,
865
00:38:48,082 --> 00:38:49,233
but when you
get it down...
866
00:38:49,258 --> 00:38:50,296
And it's a silent focus.
867
00:38:50,321 --> 00:38:52,491
You can just get in that zone
and nothing fazes you.
868
00:38:52,525 --> 00:38:54,052
Nothing. It's
a softening of the eyes.
869
00:38:54,077 --> 00:38:55,324
It's the letting go.
870
00:38:55,357 --> 00:38:57,788
More like you've never
seen something before.
871
00:38:57,821 --> 00:38:59,084
That, I think, evokes
872
00:38:59,117 --> 00:39:01,384
more of an innate
connection to yourself.
873
00:39:02,992 --> 00:39:09,833
? That's the time
I'm home ?
874
00:39:09,896 --> 00:39:12,983
Not too... yeah, closed
is better. Closed.
875
00:39:13,339 --> 00:39:15,226
This is so hard,
I swear to God.
876
00:39:15,259 --> 00:39:16,346
No, no, I'm trying
to pull you back.
877
00:39:16,371 --> 00:39:17,963
I could never be
a real model.
878
00:39:18,026 --> 00:39:24,025
? There's my girl back home
879
00:39:24,554 --> 00:39:26,185
Yeah, every
single picture.
880
00:39:26,218 --> 00:39:27,353
Oh, no.
I absolutely hate it.
881
00:39:27,386 --> 00:39:28,505
You know, this is
the first picture
882
00:39:28,554 --> 00:39:30,265
I've ever loved,
by the way.
883
00:39:30,796 --> 00:39:32,475
? So you call me
884
00:39:32,508 --> 00:39:34,315
? I keep looking back
885
00:39:34,348 --> 00:39:35,867
? 'Cause you want it
886
00:39:35,916 --> 00:39:37,755
? I keep looking back
887
00:39:37,788 --> 00:39:39,195
? 'Cause I need it
888
00:39:39,228 --> 00:39:41,355
? I keep looking back
889
00:39:41,388 --> 00:39:42,539
? Come on, feed it
890
00:39:42,556 --> 00:39:44,395
? I keep looking back
891
00:39:44,428 --> 00:39:46,235
? 'Cause I found it
892
00:39:46,268 --> 00:39:48,155
? I keep looking back
893
00:39:48,188 --> 00:39:49,483
? And you tease it
894
00:39:49,516 --> 00:39:53,387
? I keep looking back
for love ?
895
00:39:59,159 --> 00:40:01,030
? So you call me
896
00:40:01,079 --> 00:40:02,790
? I keep looking back
897
00:40:02,839 --> 00:40:04,710
? 'Cause you want it
898
00:40:04,759 --> 00:40:06,310
? I keep looking back
899
00:40:06,359 --> 00:40:07,750
? 'Cause you need it
900
00:40:07,799 --> 00:40:09,478
? I keep looking back
901
00:40:09,511 --> 00:40:11,350
? Come on, feed it
902
00:40:11,846 --> 00:40:13,573
? I keep looking back
903
00:40:13,606 --> 00:40:15,364
? 'Cause I found it
904
00:40:15,382 --> 00:40:17,253
? I keep looking back
905
00:40:17,285 --> 00:40:18,565
? And you tease it
906
00:40:18,582 --> 00:40:21,813
? I keep looking back
for love ?
907
00:40:55,537 --> 00:40:57,952
All I know is being
in front of the camera,
908
00:40:57,985 --> 00:41:00,160
and in my industry,
909
00:41:00,193 --> 00:41:04,096
it's not always
the most glamorous images.
910
00:41:05,013 --> 00:41:06,733
I'm not always doing things
911
00:41:06,804 --> 00:41:13,162
that I feel is flattering
or appealing in any way.
912
00:41:15,148 --> 00:41:17,850
So it's a little difficult
sometimes
913
00:41:18,888 --> 00:41:22,865
to, you know, just be
an object to someone.
914
00:41:23,874 --> 00:41:26,193
Gradually going into
the adult industry
915
00:41:26,226 --> 00:41:28,545
was fairly easy for me.
916
00:41:28,577 --> 00:41:30,689
I was a bit timid,
you know, at first
917
00:41:30,722 --> 00:41:35,073
and I wasn't as comfortable
with my body as I am now.
918
00:41:35,106 --> 00:41:37,025
But as I grew, you know,
919
00:41:37,058 --> 00:41:40,096
it just became who I am,
you know.
920
00:41:40,911 --> 00:41:43,630
I was always comfortable
in my own skin.
921
00:41:43,663 --> 00:41:48,270
But I feel, like,
comfortable in my own body
922
00:41:48,303 --> 00:41:49,582
is a little bit different.
923
00:41:49,631 --> 00:41:54,494
I felt like I really
knew myself sexually.
924
00:41:54,527 --> 00:41:57,373
I was releasing things
that I'd never done before,
925
00:41:57,391 --> 00:41:59,917
feeling things
I'd never done before.
926
00:42:00,043 --> 00:42:02,971
And it was exciting.
It was intriguing.
927
00:42:03,073 --> 00:42:05,121
Being sensual
is like the beginnings
928
00:42:05,170 --> 00:42:09,865
that give you the butterflies
or the goosebumps.
929
00:42:10,983 --> 00:42:13,030
You know,
almost like a first date.
930
00:42:13,063 --> 00:42:16,950
The sensuality just, like,
gets you excited for the sex.
931
00:42:29,414 --> 00:42:32,502
I was shy about porn
and my sexuality.
932
00:42:32,551 --> 00:42:34,822
I hated on girls like that,
933
00:42:35,444 --> 00:42:37,891
girls that embraced
their sexuality
934
00:42:37,940 --> 00:42:40,178
and women that flaunted it
935
00:42:40,212 --> 00:42:43,811
or women that could watch
porn with their husbands.
936
00:42:43,860 --> 00:42:46,003
I was, like, ugh, how gross.
937
00:42:46,020 --> 00:42:48,755
And then once
I started embracing that
938
00:42:48,788 --> 00:42:50,585
and finding out
what I like,
939
00:42:50,726 --> 00:42:54,484
it wasn't
just about him anymore.
940
00:42:54,838 --> 00:43:00,406
Sexuality is the way
I would express myself
941
00:43:00,439 --> 00:43:06,086
and sensuality
is how I feel on the inside.
942
00:43:07,006 --> 00:43:12,914
Yeah, I think that's
how I differ the two.
943
00:43:13,008 --> 00:43:14,575
Sensuality and sexuality
944
00:43:14,608 --> 00:43:18,879
are just two tremendously
different topics.
945
00:43:18,896 --> 00:43:21,455
I know that my life in
the industry through myself,
946
00:43:21,488 --> 00:43:22,814
through my fans,
947
00:43:22,848 --> 00:43:25,759
through other people
that I've watched, met,
948
00:43:25,776 --> 00:43:28,479
and learned from,
I've grown to understand
949
00:43:28,496 --> 00:43:30,135
there's
so many different levels
950
00:43:30,172 --> 00:43:33,931
of how you can show your
sexuality to the world.
951
00:43:35,768 --> 00:43:39,374
I think the more women
own their sexuality,
952
00:43:39,460 --> 00:43:41,432
the more the world's
going to be equal,
953
00:43:41,457 --> 00:43:44,480
the more there's going
to be a level of humanity,
954
00:43:44,513 --> 00:43:49,279
because when you're told that
if you have these parts,
955
00:43:49,297 --> 00:43:50,925
you can only be this
956
00:43:50,996 --> 00:43:53,475
and if you have these parts,
you can have this,
957
00:43:53,524 --> 00:43:55,507
then you're segregated still
958
00:43:55,524 --> 00:43:59,187
and there's not
an equal playing field.
959
00:43:59,402 --> 00:44:00,713
So I don't think it's bad
960
00:44:00,746 --> 00:44:03,160
for women to completely
take back their sexuality.
961
00:44:03,194 --> 00:44:04,553
And if it's a pendulum
962
00:44:04,602 --> 00:44:07,161
where it's swinging
from one end to the other,
963
00:44:07,194 --> 00:44:10,393
it's gonna eventually
land in the middle.
964
00:44:12,283 --> 00:44:15,290
Obviously, I have moments
where, you know,
965
00:44:15,323 --> 00:44:17,160
perhaps something
will get under my skin.
966
00:44:17,210 --> 00:44:18,440
I'm human, you know.
967
00:44:18,490 --> 00:44:20,543
I think it's human
to doubt yourself
968
00:44:20,848 --> 00:44:24,671
and I think that if you
never sit and self-reflect,
969
00:44:24,688 --> 00:44:27,439
you know, you probably need
to reprioritize.
970
00:44:27,488 --> 00:44:29,407
I do doubt myself
from time to time,
971
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,550
but I don't know
if it's 'cause
972
00:44:31,568 --> 00:44:34,910
I just gave up trying
to fit a mold
973
00:44:34,928 --> 00:44:36,991
of what, like, society
wants me to be.
974
00:44:39,057 --> 00:44:40,993
You see a lot of,
like, bravado
975
00:44:41,026 --> 00:44:44,465
and, like, a false sense
of importance with girls.
976
00:44:46,418 --> 00:44:47,664
Rule of thumb was always
977
00:44:47,697 --> 00:44:49,393
that I didn't want to do
anything on camera
978
00:44:49,426 --> 00:44:51,393
that I've never done
in my personal life.
979
00:44:51,426 --> 00:44:55,585
I've watched so many girls
do their first anal scene
980
00:44:56,031 --> 00:44:58,334
because they got offered
a little bit more money for it
981
00:44:58,351 --> 00:44:59,630
and they were gonna do it
on camera
982
00:44:59,663 --> 00:45:01,533
or their first DP
or their first gang bang.
983
00:45:01,551 --> 00:45:03,470
And I think to myself,
when I'm older
984
00:45:03,551 --> 00:45:05,150
and I'm looking back
at my life,
985
00:45:05,183 --> 00:45:09,353
do I want to remember all
of those experiences that way?
986
00:45:09,494 --> 00:45:11,669
I came in
wanting to be vulnerable
987
00:45:11,701 --> 00:45:13,906
and wanting to be honest
988
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:18,751
and share the person
outside of just the body
989
00:45:18,784 --> 00:45:20,222
doing things onscreen.
990
00:45:20,255 --> 00:45:23,343
And I wanted to bring that
entire personality to it.
991
00:45:23,392 --> 00:45:24,591
I mean, I was a shy kid.
992
00:45:24,623 --> 00:45:26,690
I couldn't give
a book report in class.
993
00:45:26,729 --> 00:45:29,977
I would stutter
and get red and shake.
994
00:45:30,010 --> 00:45:31,540
I was too nervous.
995
00:45:32,377 --> 00:45:34,104
And that's actually
one thing
996
00:45:34,138 --> 00:45:35,977
I can really thank
the adult industry for.
997
00:45:36,010 --> 00:45:38,056
I needed help socially
opening up
998
00:45:38,089 --> 00:45:41,496
and taking risks and
putting myself out there.
999
00:45:41,545 --> 00:45:43,368
And so now I've gone
from the kid
1000
00:45:43,386 --> 00:45:44,665
who can't stand up
in front of class
1001
00:45:44,698 --> 00:45:46,985
to a porn star
who can host award shows
1002
00:45:47,018 --> 00:45:48,105
and go on television
1003
00:45:48,138 --> 00:45:49,945
and answer
the most intimate, personal,
1004
00:45:50,026 --> 00:45:55,422
almost offensive questions,
and it doesn't even faze me.
1005
00:45:55,500 --> 00:45:57,604
It's like being
a superhero.
1006
00:45:57,745 --> 00:46:01,311
It really helps to have
a stage name, of course.
1007
00:46:01,345 --> 00:46:03,983
This is better to sell.
1008
00:46:05,461 --> 00:46:08,692
It can become a brand,
1009
00:46:09,528 --> 00:46:14,537
but it also helps because
when you build a character,
1010
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:19,895
you give yourself another chance
to have a second life.
1011
00:46:20,742 --> 00:46:26,044
We look at the world
and we think we know
1012
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:28,065
what the world wants to see
1013
00:46:28,112 --> 00:46:31,318
and then we project that
into our personalities.
1014
00:46:31,435 --> 00:46:34,474
So I have Ash on set
doing my movies
1015
00:46:35,034 --> 00:46:38,681
and she's a million and one
times less censored
1016
00:46:38,714 --> 00:46:40,312
than, you know,
1017
00:46:40,361 --> 00:46:42,505
Ash out to eat at dinner
in Hollywood.
1018
00:46:44,973 --> 00:46:47,277
I guess she's someone
that I had to invent
1019
00:46:47,310 --> 00:46:52,212
to separate myself from
being in the Fantasyland,
1020
00:46:52,259 --> 00:46:56,275
being in Neverland
or being in the real world
1021
00:46:56,308 --> 00:46:58,083
where you kind of
have to be an adult
1022
00:46:58,111 --> 00:47:00,446
and, you know, be practical,
1023
00:47:00,798 --> 00:47:03,084
'cause Asphxia
is not practical at all.
1024
00:47:03,119 --> 00:47:05,678
She's very much...
she's just insane,
1025
00:47:06,260 --> 00:47:11,282
but you have to have, you know,
a balance of the two.
1026
00:47:11,299 --> 00:47:12,658
I'm glad.
1027
00:47:12,692 --> 00:47:14,819
In a lot of ways,
I feel Asphxia saved my life
1028
00:47:14,852 --> 00:47:18,467
because she's helped me
come out of my shell
1029
00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:22,131
and I feel like I don't care
if I make an ass of myself
1030
00:47:22,163 --> 00:47:24,851
or, you know,
act inappropriate
1031
00:47:24,876 --> 00:47:26,997
because
I won't feel shameful
1032
00:47:27,075 --> 00:47:29,281
because Asphxia
doesn't feel shameful.
1033
00:47:29,314 --> 00:47:30,689
Well, I am.
1034
00:47:30,723 --> 00:47:34,081
The other half of me would
never do anything like that.
1035
00:47:34,114 --> 00:47:36,993
I really don't think
it's quite hit me yet
1036
00:47:37,010 --> 00:47:38,753
that I'm a porn star.
1037
00:47:38,771 --> 00:47:41,809
See, I even make a bizarre
face when I say that.
1038
00:47:42,181 --> 00:47:43,540
Porn star? Am I?
1039
00:47:43,572 --> 00:47:46,947
In this industry, everyone
has two names most times,
1040
00:47:46,981 --> 00:47:51,156
so very cliché,
and I didn't want that.
1041
00:47:51,339 --> 00:47:52,571
My agent was like, you know,
1042
00:47:52,603 --> 00:47:54,139
you have to have
a last name.
1043
00:47:54,219 --> 00:47:56,059
He's, like, why don't you
use Alexis Texas
1044
00:47:56,091 --> 00:47:57,658
because you're from Texas?
1045
00:47:58,304 --> 00:48:01,870
And at first, I found it
very kind of silly
1046
00:48:02,399 --> 00:48:04,229
and I didn't think
it was very sexy.
1047
00:48:04,253 --> 00:48:07,420
But I know I also didn't
want to be a Love or a Sky
1048
00:48:07,452 --> 00:48:09,452
or just the typical
porno names.
1049
00:48:10,193 --> 00:48:14,063
Even though as much as
Alexis Texas is a persona,
1050
00:48:14,112 --> 00:48:16,991
it's still, like I said,
a part of Alexis.
1051
00:48:17,025 --> 00:48:19,103
And, you know,
I've made that character
1052
00:48:19,136 --> 00:48:20,304
who I want it to be,
1053
00:48:20,353 --> 00:48:21,824
who I knew people would like
1054
00:48:21,857 --> 00:48:23,151
or the things
that people like.
1055
00:48:23,185 --> 00:48:26,624
And I still, you know, am
perfecting that character.
1056
00:48:27,499 --> 00:48:30,426
I've always been Nina,
you know.
1057
00:48:30,474 --> 00:48:32,457
And even
when I'm on sets,
1058
00:48:32,475 --> 00:48:35,786
I usually have people
address me by my real name.
1059
00:48:35,818 --> 00:48:37,993
I find it weird
to respond to Brooklyn
1060
00:48:38,027 --> 00:48:40,425
and sometimes there's
a lag in my response
1061
00:48:40,458 --> 00:48:41,914
when my name is called
1062
00:48:41,946 --> 00:48:45,332
'cause I don't realize
people are talking to me.
1063
00:48:45,356 --> 00:48:48,356
I think I probably just
chose the stage name
1064
00:48:48,381 --> 00:48:51,068
'cause that's what
people do, you know.
1065
00:48:52,323 --> 00:48:54,114
There is a difference
1066
00:48:54,131 --> 00:48:57,443
between people that are
just working actors in porn
1067
00:48:57,475 --> 00:49:01,475
and then people that
are porn stars, I guess.
1068
00:49:01,492 --> 00:49:06,434
They see themselves as
a movie star or a rock star,
1069
00:49:07,402 --> 00:49:10,633
somebody that's, like,
bigger than life, you know,
1070
00:49:10,666 --> 00:49:12,953
instead of just
this is your job, you know,
1071
00:49:12,985 --> 00:49:14,440
and you just do it as a job,
1072
00:49:14,474 --> 00:49:16,808
and when you go home,
you're, like, your normal self.
1073
00:49:16,842 --> 00:49:19,800
I think sometimes
they actually transform
1074
00:49:19,833 --> 00:49:22,712
into these characters
that they create.
1075
00:49:23,450 --> 00:49:26,082
Civilians,
they don't understand.
1076
00:49:26,380 --> 00:49:27,788
That's why we call you
civilians,
1077
00:49:27,820 --> 00:49:29,227
because you're different.
You don't understand.
1078
00:49:29,260 --> 00:49:30,635
You're not us.
1079
00:49:30,669 --> 00:49:32,584
You don't understand
the risks that we take.
1080
00:49:32,615 --> 00:49:34,341
You don't understand the things
that we've gone through
1081
00:49:34,376 --> 00:49:35,495
to be where we are.
1082
00:49:35,544 --> 00:49:36,662
You don't understand
the ridicule
1083
00:49:36,696 --> 00:49:39,015
that the civilians give us,
you know.
1084
00:49:39,064 --> 00:49:41,574
I mean, we have fans.
We have fans that love us.
1085
00:49:41,623 --> 00:49:44,054
But we have people
who hate us and spit on us.
1086
00:49:44,087 --> 00:49:46,503
We use the term civilian
1087
00:49:46,535 --> 00:49:48,775
as somebody basically
who doesn't do porn
1088
00:49:48,824 --> 00:49:52,103
or, you know, isn't involved
in the adult world.
1089
00:49:52,768 --> 00:49:55,712
And they don't think
the same way, you know, we do.
1090
00:49:55,744 --> 00:49:57,839
Like, sex and our body parts
1091
00:49:57,857 --> 00:49:59,279
and the things
that happen to our bodies
1092
00:49:59,296 --> 00:50:00,559
are part of our everyday life
1093
00:50:00,577 --> 00:50:01,936
and we're not afraid
to talk about it.
1094
00:50:01,968 --> 00:50:04,175
It's hard to say that
we're different people
1095
00:50:04,209 --> 00:50:05,647
because it's really not.
1096
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,768
It's just I'm willing
to put my sex life on camera
1097
00:50:08,801 --> 00:50:11,007
and talk about it,
and you're not.
1098
00:50:11,544 --> 00:50:13,531
We're not that different,
and that's the point.
1099
00:50:13,556 --> 00:50:15,316
We have no filter.
1100
00:50:15,349 --> 00:50:17,236
There you go.
Civilians have filters.
1101
00:50:17,269 --> 00:50:19,156
We don't have any.
1102
00:50:19,189 --> 00:50:22,386
Sometimes people go,
oh, so what you do?
1103
00:50:22,411 --> 00:50:24,148
I'm, like, I act and model.
1104
00:50:24,180 --> 00:50:25,908
What movies
have you been in?
1105
00:50:25,956 --> 00:50:27,428
Who do you model for?
And I'm, like, mmm,
1106
00:50:27,477 --> 00:50:33,075
it's, like, naughty modeling,
and they go, oh.
1107
00:50:34,042 --> 00:50:36,729
We have real feelings
and personalities.
1108
00:50:36,763 --> 00:50:37,849
We are real people.
1109
00:50:37,882 --> 00:50:39,001
Just because
you don't like me
1110
00:50:39,050 --> 00:50:40,233
or you don't like what I do,
1111
00:50:40,251 --> 00:50:42,250
don't come at me,
like, you know,
1112
00:50:42,282 --> 00:50:44,122
snobby or bitchy, you know.
1113
00:50:44,170 --> 00:50:45,450
Just because I do porn
1114
00:50:45,482 --> 00:50:48,233
doesn't mean that I'm just
a filthy, disgusting person.
1115
00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:49,561
We're probably a lot cleaner
1116
00:50:49,610 --> 00:50:51,289
than some of the civilians
out there,
1117
00:50:51,322 --> 00:50:54,195
and it baffles me the way
that we get treated.
1118
00:50:54,368 --> 00:50:56,223
I've had
a couple people, like,
1119
00:50:56,257 --> 00:50:58,176
"Go back from
where you come from."
1120
00:50:58,208 --> 00:50:59,344
I'm, like,
where do I come from?
1121
00:50:59,376 --> 00:51:01,183
Am I a different breed
or something?
1122
00:51:01,216 --> 00:51:04,655
Actually, I had a girl
throw me a Bible at me.
1123
00:51:04,689 --> 00:51:06,367
Honestly,
it was kind of funny.
1124
00:51:06,384 --> 00:51:08,447
I'm not gonna lie.
I kind of laughed.
1125
00:51:08,464 --> 00:51:09,887
But I was, like,
just because
1126
00:51:09,905 --> 00:51:12,464
I choose to do something
that you don't agree with,
1127
00:51:12,496 --> 00:51:15,215
you know, one,
how do you know who I am
1128
00:51:15,618 --> 00:51:17,735
'cause that obviously means
you watched it
1129
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,733
or you knew me somehow.
1130
00:51:19,774 --> 00:51:22,556
But it never made me regret.
I was, like, you know,
1131
00:51:22,573 --> 00:51:26,764
it just made me start hating
how judgmental people are.
1132
00:51:26,813 --> 00:51:29,533
I never, ever regretted
anything I've done.
1133
00:51:29,565 --> 00:51:31,724
Like, I love it so much,
you know.
1134
00:51:31,773 --> 00:51:32,956
Otherwise I wouldn't do it.
1135
00:51:32,974 --> 00:51:35,293
I feel like I have
an elegance in me
1136
00:51:35,325 --> 00:51:39,964
and, I don't know,
like, a beauty
1137
00:51:39,997 --> 00:51:43,404
in the filthy things
that I do.
1138
00:51:44,324 --> 00:51:46,595
And I've been
very promiscuous
1139
00:51:46,628 --> 00:51:47,763
my whole entire life.
1140
00:51:47,796 --> 00:51:49,155
That's just
the way I am.
1141
00:51:49,188 --> 00:51:51,843
I've never been called
a slut or a dirty whore.
1142
00:51:51,877 --> 00:51:53,475
Maybe on the DVDs.
1143
00:51:53,508 --> 00:51:54,915
You know how it is
in the industry.
1144
00:51:54,948 --> 00:51:56,884
But in real life,
I've never been...
1145
00:51:56,916 --> 00:51:59,764
and even now,
my friends look at me
1146
00:51:59,796 --> 00:52:01,316
and I can see
in a very classy way
1147
00:52:01,348 --> 00:52:02,563
I'm never looked at.
1148
00:52:02,628 --> 00:52:05,075
So beauty and filth
is the balance
1149
00:52:05,157 --> 00:52:08,227
between the beautiful
woman that I am
1150
00:52:08,245 --> 00:52:10,307
and the filthy whore.
1151
00:52:47,450 --> 00:52:48,697
I've loved what I do
1152
00:52:48,730 --> 00:52:50,927
ever since the first time
I stepped on film.
1153
00:52:50,952 --> 00:52:53,190
Nothing could have taught me
what I've learned in porn.
1154
00:52:53,224 --> 00:52:57,350
In college, there is
no class for that.
1155
00:52:57,399 --> 00:53:00,039
So I'm kind of getting
everything I need
1156
00:53:00,071 --> 00:53:01,638
to feel fulfilled from porn.
1157
00:53:01,671 --> 00:53:04,070
If it's not giving it
to me directly,
1158
00:53:04,119 --> 00:53:05,510
it's financing it
1159
00:53:05,559 --> 00:53:07,319
or it's sending me off
to weird countries
1160
00:53:07,383 --> 00:53:12,598
where I run into the most
amazing things I've ever seen.
1161
00:53:45,206 --> 00:53:48,150
I have to say, I thought
when I got in the business,
1162
00:53:48,182 --> 00:53:50,709
there was going to be platters
of cocaine everywhere
1163
00:53:50,742 --> 00:53:54,437
and champagne and drinking
and all that stuff.
1164
00:53:54,471 --> 00:53:56,438
And it wasn't at all
like that.
1165
00:53:56,470 --> 00:53:59,221
It was makeup on set
at 7 A.M.
1166
00:53:59,238 --> 00:54:00,838
And we did features
in the nineties.
1167
00:54:00,918 --> 00:54:04,870
We didn't have gonzo, so you
were on set 16 hours a day.
1168
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:07,524
You had your dialogue,
1169
00:54:07,564 --> 00:54:09,403
you were there
all day long working.
1170
00:54:09,436 --> 00:54:11,115
So it was
a lot of difference.
1171
00:54:11,148 --> 00:54:12,875
I kind of actually wish
1172
00:54:12,916 --> 00:54:14,654
there was
a little more party,
1173
00:54:14,686 --> 00:54:17,677
but it wasn't
at all like that.
1174
00:54:18,121 --> 00:54:21,721
When I was 18,
probably about 18 to 20,
1175
00:54:21,753 --> 00:54:23,704
I was making
more gonzo movies,
1176
00:54:23,721 --> 00:54:25,640
which are just straight sex,
1177
00:54:25,673 --> 00:54:27,881
wham-bam-
thank-you-ma'am type,
1178
00:54:27,913 --> 00:54:30,120
not really
high-end production.
1179
00:54:30,153 --> 00:54:32,312
Well, I love to be choked.
I love to be slapped.
1180
00:54:32,361 --> 00:54:35,752
I love to spit.
I love to smack girls.
1181
00:54:35,801 --> 00:54:36,920
I love to...
I am dirty.
1182
00:54:36,953 --> 00:54:38,200
Just 'cause I look like this
1183
00:54:38,233 --> 00:54:41,304
doesn't mean
that I don't get crazy.
1184
00:54:41,321 --> 00:54:42,920
That's what I like to do
sexually.
1185
00:54:42,953 --> 00:54:47,064
Just 'cause that's taboo to
what everybody wants to think,
1186
00:54:48,671 --> 00:54:51,262
in my world I guarantee you
1187
00:54:51,303 --> 00:54:55,383
80% of people sexually
have been choked or smacked
1188
00:54:55,415 --> 00:54:57,445
or hit or got a little rough
in their life.
1189
00:54:57,464 --> 00:55:00,054
They're just afraid
to say that it's okay.
1190
00:55:00,103 --> 00:55:02,582
So for whatever reason,
you know,
1191
00:55:02,616 --> 00:55:04,294
the people that have
decided to speak up
1192
00:55:04,327 --> 00:55:08,023
have pointed out that maybe
that's, you know, wrong
1193
00:55:08,055 --> 00:55:10,246
when it's really not.
It's really not.
1194
00:55:10,296 --> 00:55:11,814
I guess it really comes down
1195
00:55:11,846 --> 00:55:14,246
to people are just afraid
to express themselves
1196
00:55:14,263 --> 00:55:19,094
and they want to pick on
the ones that can.
1197
00:55:20,104 --> 00:55:22,439
But then sometimes
it'll be, like, times
1198
00:55:22,473 --> 00:55:25,527
when the guy will want to call
you, like, really dirty names
1199
00:55:25,622 --> 00:55:28,357
and I'm terrible for it,
1200
00:55:28,498 --> 00:55:30,352
because a lot of my fans
like me to say,
1201
00:55:30,385 --> 00:55:32,737
"Oh, come fuck me,
you dirty bastard."
1202
00:55:33,216 --> 00:55:36,031
But if a guy suddenly
wanted to turn around to me
1203
00:55:36,066 --> 00:55:39,632
and say, like, "Get down on
your knees, you dirty bitch,
1204
00:55:39,665 --> 00:55:41,200
and suck my cock,"
1205
00:55:41,544 --> 00:55:44,279
I don't know whether I could
let him get away with it.
1206
00:55:45,119 --> 00:55:50,512
If you want to enjoy porn,
never go to a porn set
1207
00:55:50,583 --> 00:55:54,982
because if you actually saw
what went on to make that movie,
1208
00:55:55,031 --> 00:55:59,142
you would probably never
jerk off to it again.
1209
00:55:59,191 --> 00:56:00,790
When we film,
it is mechanical
1210
00:56:00,823 --> 00:56:04,534
because you are going
from position A to B to C.
1211
00:56:05,298 --> 00:56:06,769
You're stopping in between.
1212
00:56:06,810 --> 00:56:09,332
You're not trying to catch
smooth transitions.
1213
00:56:09,364 --> 00:56:11,444
I thought, you know, there was
the chance when I flew out here
1214
00:56:11,492 --> 00:56:15,363
that I would be shooting in
some overweight guy's basement.
1215
00:56:15,396 --> 00:56:16,515
You know what I mean?
1216
00:56:16,532 --> 00:56:18,754
And for the most part,
you know,
1217
00:56:18,773 --> 00:56:21,971
the shoots that I've been on
have been pretty professional.
1218
00:56:22,497 --> 00:56:24,544
We have sex on camera.
1219
00:56:24,857 --> 00:56:26,535
When you're
behind the scenes,
1220
00:56:26,562 --> 00:56:27,921
it's not that glamorous.
1221
00:56:27,970 --> 00:56:30,129
I mean,
the finished product is
1222
00:56:30,162 --> 00:56:32,512
and, yes,
we please our customers,
1223
00:56:32,531 --> 00:56:35,121
but when we're filming it,
it's not always that way.
1224
00:56:35,170 --> 00:56:38,369
So it's very much when
people look down on it,
1225
00:56:38,402 --> 00:56:40,562
you're, like, it actually
wasn't as easy
1226
00:56:40,610 --> 00:56:43,083
and as much fun as
you think it is, you know.
1227
00:56:43,108 --> 00:56:44,613
So you're judging something
1228
00:56:44,645 --> 00:56:46,387
when you haven't even
been on set.
1229
00:56:46,404 --> 00:56:47,524
You don't know
all the hardships,
1230
00:56:47,556 --> 00:56:50,915
and it's really hard
for the men.
1231
00:56:51,744 --> 00:56:53,668
It's more of a job
for the men
1232
00:56:53,693 --> 00:56:57,311
because they have to
keep going no matter what.
1233
00:57:01,466 --> 00:57:03,722
You know, if I could be
in this industry forever,
1234
00:57:03,755 --> 00:57:05,034
I would be fine with that.
1235
00:57:05,083 --> 00:57:07,802
And then just independently,
you know, you know,
1236
00:57:07,835 --> 00:57:09,562
continue in the pursuit
of knowledge
1237
00:57:09,595 --> 00:57:12,122
and go to school
just for the sake of doing it.
1238
00:57:12,155 --> 00:57:13,466
But, unfortunately,
I don't think
1239
00:57:13,483 --> 00:57:14,922
that that's where
we're headed
1240
00:57:14,955 --> 00:57:17,482
with, you know, the piracy
1241
00:57:17,515 --> 00:57:20,154
and the economy
being such an issue.
1242
00:57:21,486 --> 00:57:24,093
I don't know
that this will last
1243
00:57:24,142 --> 00:57:26,764
for more than five years.
1244
00:57:26,782 --> 00:57:28,493
I definitely don't think so.
1245
00:57:28,525 --> 00:57:31,186
It does definitely raise
the question in my mind,
1246
00:57:31,256 --> 00:57:34,813
like, shit, did I maybe
jump into this
1247
00:57:36,025 --> 00:57:37,624
and did I fuck myself?
1248
00:57:37,687 --> 00:57:39,960
I don't know.
No pun intended.
1249
00:57:40,015 --> 00:57:41,774
I don't think
I would have done well
1250
00:57:41,807 --> 00:57:44,526
being in this industry
when I was younger.
1251
00:57:45,045 --> 00:57:48,308
I don't think I was
as strong a person,
1252
00:57:48,341 --> 00:57:50,964
and I don't know.
1253
00:57:50,997 --> 00:57:53,988
I just wasn't
as confident in myself
1254
00:57:54,545 --> 00:57:56,448
and I think
I would have ended up
1255
00:57:56,465 --> 00:57:57,760
being one of them
young girls
1256
00:57:57,793 --> 00:57:59,984
that gets manipulated.
1257
00:58:00,017 --> 00:58:03,184
If you asked me where
the girls of 2005 were,
1258
00:58:03,217 --> 00:58:04,336
they're gone.
1259
00:58:04,385 --> 00:58:05,584
Nobody knows them.
1260
00:58:05,617 --> 00:58:07,008
The girls now
1261
00:58:07,834 --> 00:58:10,366
don't even know
the porn stars of my era
1262
00:58:10,421 --> 00:58:12,260
and eventually
they will fade away.
1263
00:58:12,293 --> 00:58:14,626
You won't be needed anymore.
1264
00:58:14,728 --> 00:58:17,079
Your services
will not be needed.
1265
00:58:17,112 --> 00:58:19,287
You will be
what they call shot-out
1266
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:23,602
and they will move on
to the next girls.
1267
00:58:23,759 --> 00:58:25,066
One time I did a scene
1268
00:58:25,091 --> 00:58:27,051
and I felt like
I was a piece of meat,
1269
00:58:27,076 --> 00:58:29,204
like, thrown into
a lion's cage.
1270
00:58:29,253 --> 00:58:32,515
I cried after the scene
because I felt, like, so used.
1271
00:58:32,533 --> 00:58:37,332
Like, no one asked me
if I wanted to drink 12 loads
1272
00:58:37,365 --> 00:58:39,444
out of a cup with a straw.
No one asked me that.
1273
00:58:39,493 --> 00:58:42,602
They just told everybody else
1274
00:58:42,665 --> 00:58:44,313
this is what we're gonna do
and we're not gonna ask her
1275
00:58:44,346 --> 00:58:46,217
'cause they knew I wasn't
gonna want to do it.
1276
00:58:46,234 --> 00:58:47,593
But they don't
think about, like,
1277
00:58:47,626 --> 00:58:49,593
how that person's gonna feel
when they're done
1278
00:58:49,626 --> 00:58:51,065
and how that affects them
1279
00:58:51,679 --> 00:58:53,790
for the rest of their lives,
you know.
1280
00:58:55,395 --> 00:58:59,115
I always feel that people
think that porn
1281
00:58:59,217 --> 00:59:02,332
causes these girls
to have drug problems
1282
00:59:02,445 --> 00:59:04,732
and, you know,
bad influences and all that.
1283
00:59:04,757 --> 00:59:06,356
But for me, myself,
1284
00:59:06,371 --> 00:59:10,098
I did drugs previous
to entering the business
1285
00:59:10,147 --> 00:59:12,466
and it just gave me
more time and more money
1286
00:59:12,499 --> 00:59:14,146
to do more drugs.
1287
00:59:14,739 --> 00:59:19,251
So it didn't really,
you know, influence me.
1288
00:59:19,268 --> 00:59:22,899
I had already been doing it.
1289
00:59:22,932 --> 00:59:25,939
I was no longer able to work
without partying
1290
00:59:25,972 --> 00:59:28,819
and when I stopped partying,
I couldn't work,
1291
00:59:28,852 --> 00:59:32,099
so I kind of
had to say goodbye.
1292
00:59:32,443 --> 00:59:34,042
It's good to be
in the place that I am
1293
00:59:34,075 --> 00:59:35,754
where I'm comfortable
with myself
1294
00:59:35,802 --> 00:59:38,425
and I'm happy for once.
1295
00:59:39,294 --> 00:59:42,253
I have a very good life now.
1296
00:59:44,582 --> 00:59:50,308
You know, you get where
your whole life is just...
1297
00:59:50,808 --> 00:59:54,055
You have to keep this look
in order to make money
1298
00:59:54,088 --> 00:59:56,807
and it gets very difficult,
you know,
1299
00:59:56,856 --> 00:59:58,535
where if you don't have it,
1300
00:59:58,568 --> 01:00:00,407
you're not gonna be able
to make money.
1301
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:02,678
But you have to
eventually use your head,
1302
01:00:02,696 --> 01:00:05,975
and that's what my husband
helps me with.
1303
01:00:06,008 --> 01:00:09,079
You don't have
to look like this forever.
1304
01:00:11,864 --> 01:00:14,503
Lucky for me, he's in
the same line of work.
1305
01:00:14,536 --> 01:00:18,855
It's really nice
to come home to someone
1306
01:00:18,904 --> 01:00:20,279
and just complain
1307
01:00:20,312 --> 01:00:22,695
about everything that
happened through your day
1308
01:00:22,744 --> 01:00:24,903
or just come home
and be ecstatic
1309
01:00:24,936 --> 01:00:26,647
about everything
that you did in your day
1310
01:00:26,664 --> 01:00:29,046
and they're cool about it.
1311
01:00:29,789 --> 01:00:32,860
Everyone I date, like, needs
to know going in what I do,
1312
01:00:32,902 --> 01:00:34,581
and I try
to make that a point,
1313
01:00:34,614 --> 01:00:37,060
because if you're not gonna be
okay with it right off the bat,
1314
01:00:37,094 --> 01:00:38,421
you're never
gonna be okay with it.
1315
01:00:38,454 --> 01:00:41,444
Porno sex and home sex are
completely different things,
1316
01:00:41,882 --> 01:00:43,402
entirely
different situations.
1317
01:00:43,435 --> 01:00:45,242
Like, I get asked that
all the time
1318
01:00:45,275 --> 01:00:46,842
if people think that,
you know,
1319
01:00:46,875 --> 01:00:50,474
that that's, like, you know,
how we all have sex at home.
1320
01:00:50,506 --> 01:00:53,193
Like, it's not how we all
have sex at home at all.
1321
01:00:53,226 --> 01:00:55,252
It's completely different.
1322
01:00:55,463 --> 01:00:58,502
Well, you know, my man says
there is no such thing
1323
01:00:58,535 --> 01:01:00,903
as a monogamous relationship
with a porn star.
1324
01:01:00,936 --> 01:01:03,175
That's how he feels
and I feel totally opposite,
1325
01:01:03,224 --> 01:01:04,694
I'm sure, because
this is my livelihood.
1326
01:01:04,727 --> 01:01:06,487
This is my work, this is
what I do for a living.
1327
01:01:06,504 --> 01:01:10,423
And there are instances, yes,
where I enjoy myself on set.
1328
01:01:10,455 --> 01:01:11,495
I love it.
1329
01:01:11,544 --> 01:01:13,047
There are other times
where I don't enjoy it
1330
01:01:13,064 --> 01:01:14,375
and it is just work.
1331
01:01:14,424 --> 01:01:17,095
So, I mean, you have to look
at that in all aspects
1332
01:01:17,144 --> 01:01:18,951
and they don't,
and they don't understand.
1333
01:01:18,984 --> 01:01:22,865
And it messes with us
especially as a woman
1334
01:01:23,022 --> 01:01:25,420
being emotional and having
someone cheat on you
1335
01:01:25,454 --> 01:01:26,765
and hurt you in these ways
1336
01:01:26,798 --> 01:01:29,204
because this is what you do
and you're nasty.
1337
01:01:29,229 --> 01:01:31,067
Oh, my gosh,
like, are you serious?
1338
01:01:31,101 --> 01:01:32,492
It hurts your feelings.
1339
01:01:32,509 --> 01:01:34,588
So at this point, I'm almost
through with civilians
1340
01:01:34,621 --> 01:01:37,771
and I'm thinking about just
fucking with porn stars only.
1341
01:01:39,892 --> 01:01:42,371
Porn is...
you're selling a product.
1342
01:01:42,404 --> 01:01:44,371
Your person, your body,
is your product.
1343
01:01:44,420 --> 01:01:46,019
I like going to work.
It's not, like, a chore.
1344
01:01:46,052 --> 01:01:48,691
It's not like it's something
I don't want to do.
1345
01:01:49,138 --> 01:01:52,417
I love it.
1346
01:01:52,450 --> 01:01:55,776
The first thing I ever got
was chlamydia and I cried.
1347
01:01:55,810 --> 01:01:59,121
But what I looked back
and I thought was so cool
1348
01:02:00,471 --> 01:02:02,710
is that the guy
actually called me
1349
01:02:02,743 --> 01:02:04,550
and told me
on the phone, you know,
1350
01:02:04,582 --> 01:02:05,990
that his test came back
positive for it.
1351
01:02:06,023 --> 01:02:07,910
And this is before they
even tested for that.
1352
01:02:07,943 --> 01:02:09,190
He, this performer
1353
01:02:09,223 --> 01:02:11,014
would go
and get the test anyway,
1354
01:02:11,031 --> 01:02:13,829
and I thought
that was really cool.
1355
01:02:13,863 --> 01:02:18,342
And I've had gonorrhea,
you know, I have herpes.
1356
01:02:18,374 --> 01:02:20,038
Is that it?
1357
01:02:20,071 --> 01:02:21,526
Yeah, I've been lucky
enough to not get,
1358
01:02:21,559 --> 01:02:23,190
you know,
a lot of girls get HPV.
1359
01:02:23,223 --> 01:02:24,341
The guys have it, too.
1360
01:02:24,390 --> 01:02:26,096
They just don't...
you know.
1361
01:02:26,308 --> 01:02:27,571
Sometimes you have stuff
1362
01:02:27,604 --> 01:02:28,979
and you just don't know
you have it.
1363
01:02:29,012 --> 01:02:30,514
A lot of people have herpes
don't know they have it.
1364
01:02:30,580 --> 01:02:31,699
And they blame it
on porn, right?
1365
01:02:31,716 --> 01:02:33,011
Like, did you do
a full panel
1366
01:02:33,043 --> 01:02:34,098
before you got
in the business
1367
01:02:34,116 --> 01:02:35,218
and see where you're at?
1368
01:02:35,236 --> 01:02:37,027
'Cause
you can have herpes
1369
01:02:37,076 --> 01:02:39,347
and not ever have
an outbreak, you know.
1370
01:02:39,380 --> 01:02:40,691
And then
you can transfer it
1371
01:02:40,723 --> 01:02:42,515
without even having
an outbreak.
1372
01:02:42,610 --> 01:02:48,256
So I kind of just assume
most people have it.
1373
01:02:48,290 --> 01:02:51,297
Of course, in the business
when a new girl comes,
1374
01:02:51,399 --> 01:02:53,461
you don't tell her
the dark side.
1375
01:02:53,479 --> 01:02:55,398
I'm sure the same
with the modeling business
1376
01:02:55,430 --> 01:02:56,678
and everything else.
1377
01:02:56,711 --> 01:02:58,309
You're not gonna
sit there and say,
1378
01:02:58,358 --> 01:03:00,038
well, you might have an STD,
1379
01:03:00,071 --> 01:03:03,190
you're going to
definitely get an STD.
1380
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:05,333
And there's all these factors
1381
01:03:05,367 --> 01:03:07,302
besides all the other stuff
I talked about.
1382
01:03:07,334 --> 01:03:10,166
But the health reasons,
you know,
1383
01:03:10,183 --> 01:03:13,174
if you do get something,
1384
01:03:14,066 --> 01:03:17,313
health insurance
won't even cover you.
1385
01:03:17,362 --> 01:03:19,152
You know,
a lot of these girls
1386
01:03:19,185 --> 01:03:20,993
don't have health insurance.
1387
01:03:21,881 --> 01:03:25,155
They don't go visit their
gynecologist regularly.
1388
01:03:25,233 --> 01:03:28,225
They don't know anything
that's happening down there.
1389
01:03:28,257 --> 01:03:30,784
If they do catch something,
you know,
1390
01:03:30,817 --> 01:03:32,478
it is, it's very scary.
1391
01:03:32,534 --> 01:03:34,305
And girls
come in the business
1392
01:03:34,353 --> 01:03:37,728
and when a scare happens,
it drives me crazy
1393
01:03:38,451 --> 01:03:40,641
when they all
jump on the bandwagon,
1394
01:03:40,675 --> 01:03:44,081
like, oh, my God, you mean
you can catch AIDS from this?
1395
01:03:44,115 --> 01:03:45,522
I'm, like, what do you think
1396
01:03:45,602 --> 01:03:47,202
you get paid
the big bucks for?
1397
01:03:47,235 --> 01:03:50,034
You know, stunt guys
get paid a lot of money.
1398
01:03:50,083 --> 01:03:52,513
You know why? They put
their life on the line.
1399
01:03:52,546 --> 01:03:54,322
And the same...
As soon as you start
1400
01:03:54,355 --> 01:03:57,073
having sex in this business
without a condom,
1401
01:03:57,122 --> 01:03:58,785
you're putting your life
on the line.
1402
01:03:58,803 --> 01:04:01,921
So that's why you
get paid the big bucks.
1403
01:04:02,253 --> 01:04:04,891
I know each day that I work,
I'm taking a risk.
1404
01:04:05,215 --> 01:04:07,465
I couldn't imagine
not being with someone
1405
01:04:07,490 --> 01:04:09,375
that didn't test regularly
like I do.
1406
01:04:10,305 --> 01:04:12,983
Like, it makes you
much more aware
1407
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:14,624
of what's going on
in the world.
1408
01:04:14,649 --> 01:04:16,665
When you think
about how many people
1409
01:04:16,697 --> 01:04:18,363
hook up at bars
with other people
1410
01:04:18,410 --> 01:04:19,817
and they're actually
more of a threat
1411
01:04:19,849 --> 01:04:21,240
than the adult industry are
1412
01:04:21,258 --> 01:04:23,800
to its performers
in a circle.
1413
01:04:23,818 --> 01:04:24,969
Like, if you go out
1414
01:04:25,018 --> 01:04:26,489
and have sex
with someone in a bar,
1415
01:04:26,521 --> 01:04:27,817
you don't know
where they've been.
1416
01:04:27,850 --> 01:04:29,080
You don't know what
sexual habits they have,
1417
01:04:29,097 --> 01:04:31,497
what hygiene they have.
1418
01:04:31,933 --> 01:04:33,565
But we do.
1419
01:04:33,597 --> 01:04:35,234
We know what each other
is doing.
1420
01:04:35,259 --> 01:04:37,658
We have a regimen
and we get tested.
1421
01:04:38,046 --> 01:04:40,444
So it's a lot safer
and I would hope
1422
01:04:40,477 --> 01:04:43,740
that we are promoting
safer sex to some degree.
1423
01:04:43,756 --> 01:04:46,043
The fact is, you're not
paying me to have sex.
1424
01:04:46,068 --> 01:04:47,732
You're paying me
for the right
1425
01:04:47,757 --> 01:04:50,011
to exploit that sex...
not in a bad way...
1426
01:04:50,058 --> 01:04:51,290
but you're paying me
1427
01:04:51,339 --> 01:04:52,729
for the right
to make money off of it.
1428
01:04:52,778 --> 01:04:53,962
And if you're gonna
make money off of it,
1429
01:04:53,979 --> 01:04:55,257
I'm gonna make money
off of it.
1430
01:04:55,291 --> 01:04:57,658
Otherwise, I'll have sex
behind closed doors
1431
01:04:57,690 --> 01:04:59,770
or I'll go film myself
having sex.
1432
01:04:59,818 --> 01:05:02,537
So it's more like
a fair labor thing
1433
01:05:02,571 --> 01:05:05,609
than it is I would
or wouldn't do it
1434
01:05:05,642 --> 01:05:06,970
depending on the money.
1435
01:05:07,019 --> 01:05:09,449
Porn is so dirty,
porn is so nasty, you know.
1436
01:05:09,482 --> 01:05:11,658
But porn can be so dirty
and so nasty
1437
01:05:11,690 --> 01:05:13,321
in a very sensual,
sexual way.
1438
01:05:13,339 --> 01:05:16,318
And I don't really know how
to explain how I feel about it,
1439
01:05:16,343 --> 01:05:17,783
but I belong here, baby.
1440
01:05:18,994 --> 01:05:21,028
There's always two sides
to everything.
1441
01:05:21,052 --> 01:05:22,923
Politicians get hookers
all the time
1442
01:05:22,955 --> 01:05:24,043
and they're forgiven.
1443
01:05:24,076 --> 01:05:25,567
It's normal?
That's normal?
1444
01:05:25,591 --> 01:05:28,118
We're not hiding behind
somebody's back to do it.
1445
01:05:28,352 --> 01:05:30,913
We're not sitting there
cheating on our spouses.
1446
01:05:30,938 --> 01:05:32,505
We're not breaking up
marriages.
1447
01:05:32,538 --> 01:05:35,306
Everybody that's with us
knows what we do,
1448
01:05:35,355 --> 01:05:36,426
and you watch it.
1449
01:05:36,475 --> 01:05:39,914
So, you know,
who are you to judge us?
1450
01:05:40,655 --> 01:05:42,653
This journey
has give me a chance
1451
01:05:42,686 --> 01:05:44,899
to shed light
on my own sexuality
1452
01:05:44,915 --> 01:05:47,681
and ultimately
the loss of our sensuality.
1453
01:05:48,199 --> 01:05:50,182
I believe we make judgments
on others
1454
01:05:50,216 --> 01:05:53,447
because of our own fears,
our society's ideals,
1455
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:54,967
and what has been
instilled in us
1456
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:55,959
by our forefathers.
1457
01:05:56,008 --> 01:05:58,839
So before
we make assumptions,
1458
01:05:59,307 --> 01:06:02,106
maybe we should take a look
at ourselves.
1459
01:06:02,390 --> 01:06:05,466
? Did you face
each other? ?
1460
01:06:05,490 --> 01:06:08,432
? Did you hold up
to the light? ?
1461
01:06:09,210 --> 01:06:14,184
? Did you find
another way? ?
1462
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:19,350
? Did you feel
a little more like ?
1463
01:06:19,368 --> 01:06:22,727
? When you find
the animal? ?
1464
01:06:22,807 --> 01:06:27,047
? Did you find
another way? ?
1465
01:06:29,591 --> 01:06:32,839
? Did you face
each other? ?
1466
01:06:32,871 --> 01:06:36,423
? Did you hold up
to the light? ?
1467
01:06:36,455 --> 01:06:40,327
? Did you find
another way? ?
1468
01:06:59,711 --> 01:07:01,182
? God only knows
1469
01:07:01,684 --> 01:07:05,236
? I couldn't care
so much for ?
1470
01:07:06,868 --> 01:07:09,411
? What happened to me
1471
01:07:14,056 --> 01:07:15,494
? I only know
1472
01:07:15,527 --> 01:07:20,662
? Why I escape so much
1473
01:07:21,357 --> 01:07:25,468
? And get high for days
1474
01:07:27,981 --> 01:07:30,972
? Did you feel
a little more like ?
1475
01:07:31,005 --> 01:07:34,796
? When you find
the animal? ?
1476
01:07:34,845 --> 01:07:39,117
? Did you hide
or run away? ?
1477
01:07:42,216 --> 01:07:45,511
? Did you face each other?
1478
01:07:45,544 --> 01:07:48,902
? Did you hold up
to the love? ?
1479
01:07:48,943 --> 01:07:53,069
? Did you find
another way? ?
1480
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:40,054
? Did you feel
a little more like ?
1481
01:08:40,072 --> 01:08:43,574
? When you find
the animal? ?
1482
01:08:43,608 --> 01:08:47,862
? Did you find
another way? ?
107785