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1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:03,935
(upbeat march plays)
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00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,538
¶ Good morning, USA!
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:10,509
¶ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ¶
4
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,478
¶ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ¶
5
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:18,183
¶ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ¶
6
00:00:19,785 --> 00:00:23,188
¶ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
7
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,223
¶ Good...
¶ Good morning, USA
8
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,958
Aah!
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00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:31,463
¶ Good morning, USA!
10
00:00:36,802 --> 00:00:41,139
BULLOCK: This is the story ofthe Smiths' trip to Familyland,
11
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:44,009
the familiest place on Earth.
12
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,877
Just like the sign says.
13
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,412
Why did I have to read that?
14
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,214
Can't the audience read it?
15
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,248
Oh, they can't.
16
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:51,349
Right.
17
00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:54,586
(car horns honking)
18
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,588
It's gonna be
so great to finally
19
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,056
spend some time
as a family.
20
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,525
It seems like we never
get to do that anymore.
21
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:01,893
What are you
talking about?
22
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,328
You're forgetting
our five-week run
23
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,196
as champions
on Family Feud.
24
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:06,364
Five weeks?
25
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,066
That was all shot
in one afternoon.
26
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,068
Shh. That's a
TV secret.
27
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,904
All I'm saying is that
last time we came here
28
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,607
was one of the best days
this family's had together.
29
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,409
Look how happy we were.
30
00:01:19,712 --> 00:01:21,212
Francine, they
don't care.
31
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,714
They're all on their
mobile devices.
32
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:24,182
They're in their
own world.
33
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,952
You're right. Stan,
can you please tell them
34
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:29,020
to put down their iPads
for a second?
35
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,523
Francine, I'm trying to
concentrate on the road.
36
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,191
And I'm on my last lap.
37
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:38,263
Whatever.
38
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,267
Mom's
cinnamon cookies!
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00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,803
Terrific. No one
cares about me,
40
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,705
they just care
about my cookies.
41
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,640
I don't even care
about your cookies.
42
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,809
We're at the one place
in all the world
43
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,377
where you can
get Trippin' Balls--
44
00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:55,080
tiny pellets
of futuristic ice cream.
45
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:57,616
Hey, guys, let's all sing
the Trippin' Balls song.
46
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:01,786
¶ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls. ¶
47
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:04,155
Paul Anka wrote that
in a night.
48
00:02:04,957 --> 00:02:06,992
In a night.
49
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,294
(indistinct crowd chatter)
50
00:02:11,497 --> 00:02:13,164
BULLOCK:
Smith.
51
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:14,899
Sir, what are you
doing here?
52
00:02:14,901 --> 00:02:17,002
Yeah, Avery, shouldn't you
be here with your family?
53
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,637
I don't have
a family.
54
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,006
What about that Indian
baby you have sometimes?
55
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:22,907
This isn't
one of those times.
56
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:25,110
But I am a family-phile.
57
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,312
I have a fetish
for family things.
58
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,482
I know the word "fetish"
makes it sound sexual.
59
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:33,418
Which is good, because it is.
60
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:37,322
I see you're
all together.
61
00:02:39,191 --> 00:02:41,393
(muffled groan)
62
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,095
STEVE:
Oh, look!
63
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,197
(gasps)
It's Mikey Muskrat
64
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,466
and the founder
of the park, Roy Family.
65
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,335
Wasn't Roy Family
a total weirdo?
66
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,170
Yep, I heard he was
cryogenically frozen
67
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,506
somewhere in the park
and that he used to have
68
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,875
two tamed caterpillars
as a mustache.
69
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:59,144
Are you sure you're not
talking about Walt Disney?
70
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,278
Who?
71
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,047
(sniffs)
Oh, my God,
72
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,182
it smells so yummy
around here.
73
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:08,019
Ugh, yeah, they pump in pleasant
smells to make you happier
74
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,688
and want to buy things.
75
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,556
You're such a cynic.
76
00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:14,225
Okay, everybody,
what should we do first?
77
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,560
I know what
I'm doing.
78
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:17,362
Straight to Cartoon City.
79
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,863
It's where
Mikey Muskrat
80
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,632
and all of his
cartoon pals
81
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,367
go about their
daily lives.
82
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,236
They live, they laugh,
they love, they learn.
83
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,671
They're just
like us, really.
84
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:27,906
Except they
don't bleed,
85
00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,374
and most of them
wear bow ties
86
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,742
and gloves
but not pants.
87
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,043
Forget Cartoon City.
88
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,878
I'm gonna go
to Wild Wild West World
89
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,980
and ride
Brokeback Splash Mountain.
90
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,049
It's just one long,
dark tunnel
91
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,551
where anything can happen.
92
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,885
I vote
Outer Space Land.
93
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,721
Can you picture
what these idiots
94
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,089
think space
looks like?
95
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:47,392
It's gonna be Ground Control
to Major Lame.
96
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,527
Oh. I guess
that was kinda lame.
97
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:51,830
Yeah? Well, I'm going
to Fairytale Land
98
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:53,898
to teach little girls
that princesses
99
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,067
are an outdated
stereotype perpetuated
100
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,203
by a male-dominated
society.
101
00:03:58,205 --> 00:03:59,704
Well, good news.
102
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:02,407
There's time for us
to do everything together.
103
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,375
We can start in Cartoon City,
104
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:06,277
and then head over
to Simpler Times Mountain
105
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:10,248
for our picnic lunch at noon,
just like we did last time.
106
00:04:11,917 --> 00:04:14,185
Hey, where did
everybody go?
107
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:16,287
They ditched you,
Franny. But not me.
108
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:18,189
I just rudely walked away
as you were talking.
109
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:19,390
You did?
110
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:21,626
When did you...
Oh, I get it.
111
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,928
¶
112
00:04:30,369 --> 00:04:31,870
Hey, you're
cutting!
113
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:35,774
How about I show you
what real cutting is, huh?
114
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,208
I'm sorry,
I couldn't hear you.
115
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,110
Can you speak into
my microphone?
116
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,680
Whoa, things
just got real.
117
00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,884
(toy horns honking)
118
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,386
Oh, boy, looks like
cartoon rush hour
119
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:50,155
is just kicking in.
120
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:58,129
I want to be a princess
like you when I grow up.
121
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,564
Well, then
you just find
122
00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,232
the best looking
boy you can
123
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,501
and do whatever
he says.
124
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:04,969
Don't listen to her.
125
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,572
You don't need a boy
to define your identity.
126
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,908
You're a strong,
independent girl.
127
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,076
Seriously,
whatever he says.
128
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,578
Even if it's
something you think
129
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,013
shouldn't be asked
of a princess.
130
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:18,316
Because he'll find
a princess who will.
131
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,151
Out of my way, people!
I'm here to laugh
132
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,720
at how cheesy
Outer Space Land is.
133
00:05:27,092 --> 00:05:30,862
Oh... my... God.
134
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:33,965
They got it exactly right.
(gasps)
135
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:38,236
Just like the flying cars
on tracks at home.
136
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,345
(crowd booing)
137
00:05:48,180 --> 00:05:51,649
Get outta town,
you jezebel!
138
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:53,918
(giggling)
139
00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,324
It's 1:00.
140
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,292
No one showed up for lunch.
141
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,728
Some family vacation this is.
142
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,864
Well, at least
we're together.
143
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,766
Yeah, and they just
unload you on me.
144
00:06:10,135 --> 00:06:11,636
Real great park, Roy.
145
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,805
Familyland, my ass.
146
00:06:20,312 --> 00:06:22,547
(crackling)
147
00:06:31,423 --> 00:06:34,459
Whoa, you're the guy
from the statue!
148
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:37,595
This isn't Familyland.
149
00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:38,997
Gluttony.
150
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,665
Selfishness.
151
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,400
Ugh!
152
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,004
It's become something
sick and perverted.
153
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,772
Shut it down.
154
00:06:47,774 --> 00:06:50,008
Shut it all down.
155
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,010
Hey, you're the boss.
156
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,093
ROY FAMILY:
Attention Familyland patrons,
157
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,930
Familyland is
temporarily closed.
158
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,132
(deep voice):
Forever.
159
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,566
(screams)
160
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,035
(clamoring)
161
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,469
What's happening?
162
00:07:18,471 --> 00:07:20,438
Relax, Francine.
It's just a show.
163
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,140
This is not a show.
164
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,275
Familyland is now a prison.
165
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,144
You will die here.
166
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,679
(woman crying)
167
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:30,615
Oh, look at that.
168
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,216
This is definitely
a show.
169
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:34,218
Honey, get up.
170
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,921
The talking fish
says it's a show.
171
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,323
Honey?
172
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,658
(crying):
No!
173
00:07:42,461 --> 00:07:44,896
(sobbing)
174
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,231
I-It's a show.
175
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,442
BULLOCK:
And so, the Great Wall rose
176
00:07:57,444 --> 00:08:00,979
and Familyland wasthrown into chaos.
177
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,115
(whooping wildly)
178
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:07,885
And the people lostall semblance of civilization.
179
00:08:08,687 --> 00:08:10,388
(whooping wildly)
180
00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:15,259
Get 'im!
181
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:17,996
Resources were scarceand tempers flared
182
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:21,666
as the kingdom hoveredon the brink of war.
183
00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:32,210
Out of the chaos,four kings rose to power.
184
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:37,015
In the north, the Tween Kingand his army of whiny turds.
185
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:40,184
To the east, the Feminist Queen
186
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,888
and her armyof splay-legged princesses.
187
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,324
In the south,a strange-headed man
188
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:49,127
leads an armyof futuristic astronauts
189
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:52,864
that are alsosomehow old-timey.
190
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,533
And to the west,the Cowboy King,
191
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,636
Black Stanand the Italian Stallions.
192
00:08:58,638 --> 00:08:59,904
(whip cracks)
193
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:01,806
Was there anything else?
194
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:05,410
Let's see, Francine and Klausare tooling around the park,
195
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,245
but you'll see them.
196
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,514
Yep, I think that covers it.
197
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,549
All right,talk to you next time
198
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,051
there's something to explain.
199
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:20,525
(indistinct chatter)
200
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,527
Four kings.
201
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:23,561
(grunts)
202
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,929
Not so fast.
203
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,330
All evens.
204
00:09:26,332 --> 00:09:28,366
Two, four, six,
205
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,735
eight and ten.
206
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:34,405
Bear, play my favorite song!
207
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:45,883
ROGER: ¶ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls ¶
208
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:49,454
¶ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ¶
209
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,256
Damn it, Roger's been playing
that on a loop all day.
210
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,791
Time to teach him a lesson.
211
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,259
Let's ride.
212
00:09:56,595 --> 00:10:00,031
¶ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ¶
213
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,933
(horse whinnies)
214
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,468
Can I help you
with something?
215
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,036
You know why
I'm here.
216
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,938
You've been playing
that jingle day and night.
217
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,073
I can't hear
my piano bear.
218
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,642
Sure, Stan, I'll happily
shut the music off.
219
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:14,479
If you give me half your
supply of Trippin' Balls.
220
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,114
Yeah, right.
221
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,116
I'll give you a little time
to reconsider my offer.
222
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:22,286
But know that if you refuse,
the music will never stop.
223
00:10:27,059 --> 00:10:29,594
¶ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ¶
224
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:33,131
Have you had time
to reconsider?
225
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,398
Oops, we overshot.
Hold on.
226
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,933
L-Let me get this
to back up.
227
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,269
Excuse me, can you
back me up a bit?
228
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,238
Ugh, there's no reverse
on this thing.
229
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,273
We're gonna have to do
another full rotation.
230
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,308
Sit tight, Standy.
231
00:10:52,317 --> 00:10:54,652
Do you want to see
me dance, sire?
232
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,786
No, not really.
233
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:56,954
Are you sure?
234
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:59,090
Because it looks
something like this.
235
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:04,762
¶ Zoo zoo, zoo
zooby, zooby zoo. ¶
236
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:07,431
You disrupted the king's
pleasurable dance.
237
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:08,432
Guards, kill him!
238
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:09,534
It's fine.
239
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:10,935
Let him speak.
240
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,537
Kill him later,
got it.
241
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:15,873
My king, I've returned from
my raid on Fairytale Land.
242
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,608
I bring you churros.
243
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:20,211
Churros to
last a week.
244
00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:22,713
These are days old!
245
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:25,883
And you've brought
no dipping sauce!
246
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,518
Can we can
kill him now?
247
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,021
I don't want you to think
it's the only thing
248
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:34,292
I'm focused on, but it's
all I can think about.
249
00:11:40,732 --> 00:11:43,067
Oh, I remember this ride.
250
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:45,169
It was one of
the kids' favorites.
251
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:46,971
It looks abandoned.
252
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:48,239
Maybe we can
hide out here
253
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,141
until everyone
comes to their senses.
254
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,043
Great idea.
255
00:11:54,746 --> 00:11:57,048
I wonder why they closed this.
256
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,383
I remember it being
very popular.
257
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,518
Well, no one's here.
258
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,553
Let's give it a whirl.
259
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,323
(banjo music playing)
260
00:12:06,491 --> 00:12:08,426
Hello, I'm Pappy Van Pappy.
261
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,194
I'd like to tell you a story
262
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,830
about a rabbit I owned
that ran away.
263
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,198
The rabbit's a metaphor.
264
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,399
For a slave.
265
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,368
Ain't that right,
Floppy Rabbit?
266
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:20,338
Hmm. This ride
may be a bit dated.
267
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,740
Well, it certainly
has my attention.
268
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,242
And that's when I realized
269
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,577
I like working
on farms for free.
270
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,945
Bye, everybody!
271
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,780
Wow.
272
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:33,017
25 minutes
of uninterrupted racism.
273
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:35,853
Yeah, if you don't count
all of your horrified gasps
274
00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:37,722
as interruptions.
275
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,890
I wonder where
that elevator goes.
276
00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:42,693
Well, there's only
one way to find out.
277
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,662
(elevator bell dings)
278
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,398
Hello, Francine.
279
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,533
Roy Family?
280
00:12:49,535 --> 00:12:50,534
But-but you...
281
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:51,869
Was frozen?
282
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,537
You're right, I were.
283
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:55,539
But now I wasn't.
284
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:58,442
Attention denizens
of Familyland.
285
00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:03,114
Now, times are trying
and rations run low,
286
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,983
and I'm sure all of you'd
really like to go home.
287
00:13:05,985 --> 00:13:10,554
Which is why Uncle Roy's decided
to let the last army standing
288
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:12,723
walk out the front door.
289
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,959
(laughs maniacally)
290
00:13:16,094 --> 00:13:18,929
I'm gonna kill the
last army standing, too.
291
00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:21,332
I just wanted to say
I am a big fan
292
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,634
of Simpler Times Mountain.
293
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,907
I don't understand.
294
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,409
You trapped us
in the park
295
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:34,011
so you could
watch us all kill each other?
296
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:36,180
And-and why were you
frozen for 30 years?
297
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,348
Answer that
last one first.
298
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,116
Try not to tell
me what to do.
299
00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:41,852
I built Familyland
to be an Eden,
300
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:44,255
and I wanted to see it
come to fruition.
301
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:47,291
So I froze my body,
but not my mind,
302
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,826
right in the center of the park.
303
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,529
That way, I could
watch it all happen.
304
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,998
You were conscious
that whole time?
305
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,533
Oh, yeah,
it was awful.
306
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,102
And I had to watch what
happened to my creation.
307
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,137
My park.
308
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:04,008
Tainted by people who don't
appreciate the value of family.
309
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,711
So, since they
destroyed my dreams,
310
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,613
they can destroy each other.
311
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:13,217
But... but
I appreciate family.
312
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:14,819
That has to count
for something.
313
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,287
It does, Francine.
314
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,055
You and I are of a kind.
315
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:20,725
Which is why we're going to
watch the blood blath together.
316
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,660
Did you just
say "blath"?
317
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,895
My tongue's been
frozen for 30 years.
318
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:28,199
But don't worry,
it'll thaw out.
319
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:36,040
Today, we go from tweens...
320
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,708
to teens!
321
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:38,809
(crowd cheering)
322
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,712
Today, we fight for respect!
323
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,414
(crowd cheering)
324
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,183
If we fight hard enough,
will we get husbands?
325
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:47,885
No!
326
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,222
Ugh, okay, I'll explain
this one more time.
327
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,757
Are there
going to be casualties?
328
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:53,858
Maybe.
329
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,426
But we're mostly grown men,
330
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,728
and one of the armies
is entirely made up of children.
331
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,064
I don't want to jinx it,
but I like our chances
332
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,032
of going completely
casualty-free.
333
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:05,669
Okay, I just realized
your laser guns aren't real.
334
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:07,204
So I have a new strategy,
335
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,340
and you're just gonna
have to trust me on this.
336
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,441
Die for me.
337
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,443
Die... for me.
338
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:13,577
Okay?
339
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,946
Any questions?
340
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:17,915
No questions, good.
341
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,187
Nice, isn't it?
342
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:24,455
This is where
we'll live, Francine,
343
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,424
and you'll have
all the love and respect
344
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,925
a woman like you deserves.
345
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,895
What makes you think
I'd ever marry you?
346
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,229
Marry?
(chuckles)
347
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:33,697
Listen to her.
348
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:35,266
Captive for a half an hour
349
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,535
and already trying
to flip it on me.
350
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,104
Sorry, this guy
can't be caught,
351
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,940
but I encourage you to try.
352
00:15:44,075 --> 00:15:45,776
So why don't you
get going on some dinner.
353
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,312
But you just said
you couldn't be caught.
354
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:50,548
And then
I encouraged you to try.
355
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,949
I'll be
in the control room
356
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,351
watching your family
kill each other.
357
00:15:55,253 --> 00:15:56,954
Klaus, we have to do something.
358
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,656
They're all gonna
kill each other.
359
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,158
Wait, what are
all these fans?
360
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:03,727
(gasps)
Look.
361
00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:06,397
Hayley was right.
362
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,666
This is how they send smells
out into the park
363
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,134
to get you to buy things.
364
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,969
(gasps)
That's it.
365
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,405
Hey, Roy, do you have cinnamon?
366
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,173
I want to make some cookies.
367
00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:19,243
ROY: Oh, my God,
would you leave me alone?!
368
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:22,413
¶
369
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:51,742
(yelling)
370
00:16:58,383 --> 00:17:02,019
That's right, kill each other.
371
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:16,634
(screams)
372
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,418
¶
373
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,336
(sniffs)
374
00:18:02,681 --> 00:18:05,449
(sniffs) What's
that smell?
375
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,384
(sniffs)
Cinnamon.
376
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,920
Are... a-are those
Mom's cookies?
377
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,956
I don't know,
but i-it smells like...
378
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,958
Home.
Home.
Michael Chiklis.
379
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,659
It's coming
from up there.
380
00:18:17,462 --> 00:18:19,964
They stopped fighting.
What did you do?
381
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:22,766
I baked my ass off.
382
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,702
(pounding)
383
00:18:27,138 --> 00:18:28,272
Francine!
384
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,406
We smelled
your cookies!
385
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:31,275
You made us
remember, Mom.
386
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,310
I'm so glad
you guys are here!
387
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:35,980
That man,
Roy Family,
388
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,982
h-he took me hostage,
389
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,784
he-he made me
iron his pants.
390
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,553
I don't care
who you are.
391
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:45,322
Francine only irons
one person's pants,
392
00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:47,825
and that's
all of ours.
393
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,560
(camera clicks)
394
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:53,397
Well done.
395
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:54,565
What?
396
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,634
You're why I
built Familyland.
397
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,435
I wanted a place
where families
398
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:00,638
would find their
way back together.
399
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,573
You were broken,
but, Francine,
400
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:06,343
you showed me that the
Smith family is worthy.
401
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:07,411
Wait, "Smith."
402
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,146
That's not
Jewish, is it?
403
00:19:10,181 --> 00:19:13,250
Then yes, you are indeed
a worthy family.
404
00:19:13,252 --> 00:19:15,352
And, um, here.
405
00:19:15,354 --> 00:19:18,122
Here is
your reward.
406
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:19,790
Ooh, lifetime
passes.
407
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,025
It was worth it!
408
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:23,260
It was all worth it!
409
00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:25,663
What will you do now?
410
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,797
Leave your family.
411
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,032
Come live with
me forever.
412
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,266
We'll get an apartment.
413
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,801
What? No.
414
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,870
Then I shall return
to my slumber,
415
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:37,107
until I'm awakened again
by another family's strife.
416
00:19:43,381 --> 00:19:46,550
Oh, wait, I got to
go to the bathr...
417
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:48,318
(birds chirping)
418
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,854
There are a lot of blackout
dates on these lifetime passes.
419
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:54,725
So, are we just gonna ignore
all the truly horrible things
420
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,627
that took place
in the last week?
421
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,729
Gosh, Francine,
I think we are.
422
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,732
BULLOCK: And that was the lasttime Familyland was visited
423
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,500
by the Smith family.
424
00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:05,536
Or any family, for that matter,
425
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:09,239
as it was closed immediatelyunder a mountain of lawsuits.
426
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:12,910
In its place stands a memorialwall for the fallen.
427
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:17,081
As for me, I was neverheard from again.
428
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:20,984
But some say they stillsee me in the park.
429
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:22,386
(sobbing)
430
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:26,356
¶ Zoo zoo, zoo zooby,
zooby zoo. ¶
431
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:29,093
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
432
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,494
Bye! Have a beautiful time.
35666
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