Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,227 --> 00:00:04,819
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,065
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,234 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,680
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,242
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:21,336
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,022
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:24,339
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:30,237
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:35,444 --> 00:00:38,186
Good evening. Coming up,
a major Hollywood movie
11
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,930
is set to film in Quahog.
12
00:00:39,948 --> 00:00:41,540
But first,
whoever recorded me
13
00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:43,600
cursing at
that freeway off-ramp veteran,
14
00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:45,711
please don't post that,
all right, seriously.
15
00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,454
We all have bad days.
16
00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:49,956
Our top story:
the latest Brad Pitt film
17
00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,383
will be shot
right here in Quahog.
18
00:00:51,535 --> 00:00:53,777
Pitt will play
former New Jersey governor
19
00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:54,720
Chris Christie.
20
00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:57,114
Brad Pitt is playing
Chris Christie?!
21
00:00:57,207 --> 00:00:59,207
It should be a fat guy
playing that role!
22
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:02,619
Chris Christie didn't eat
10,000 Jersey Mike's subs
23
00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:04,712
just to be played
by a Hollywood pretty boy.
24
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,808
That's offensive, and I,
for one, will not stand for it.
25
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,794
Although that's mostly
due to cardiovascular disease.
26
00:01:10,813 --> 00:01:12,071
I got to sit down.
27
00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:14,239
Peter, you know, you've
actually got a valid point.
28
00:01:14,391 --> 00:01:16,224
Oh, boy. Here comes the soapbox.
29
00:01:16,393 --> 00:01:18,969
It's shameful Hollywood would
pass over the many talented
30
00:01:19,062 --> 00:01:21,747
plus-sized actors who are
much more deserving of the role.
31
00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:23,323
-Name two.
-Jonah Hill?
32
00:01:23,475 --> 00:01:24,991
-He's thin now.
-Uh, Fat Albert?
33
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,568
-Not real.
-James Corden?
34
00:01:26,645 --> 00:01:28,236
He's been canceled
for sending eggs back.
35
00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:30,831
Well, it's just another example
of Hollywood's history
36
00:01:30,983 --> 00:01:32,482
of exclusionary casting,
37
00:01:32,501 --> 00:01:35,410
-whitewashing and thin-washing.
-Exactly.
38
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,988
Like Mike Myers playing
an Indian man in The Love Guru.
39
00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:40,173
-[giggles]
-Or Marlon and Shawn Wayans
40
00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,326
-playing White Chicks.
-[giggles]
41
00:01:42,344 --> 00:01:44,419
Or Mickey Rooney playing
an offensive stereotype
42
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,496
of an Asian man
in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
43
00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:48,682
I don't know that movie,
but I like breakfast.
44
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,334
Oh, come on, you two.
45
00:01:50,352 --> 00:01:52,502
You're really offended that
one of the biggest movie stars
46
00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:56,022
on the planet is coming to
our crap town to shoot a movie?
47
00:01:56,175 --> 00:01:57,858
I mean, Brad Pitt could put it
anywhere,
48
00:01:58,010 --> 00:01:59,843
-with any of us.
-Facts.
49
00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:02,788
I mean, when was the last time
a celebrity visited Quahog?
50
00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:04,848
-Uh, Jared Fogle.
-Who?
51
00:02:04,867 --> 00:02:06,032
The Subway Guy. Remember?
52
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,534
He was here
for a public appearance.
53
00:02:07,611 --> 00:02:08,869
Took a shine to Chris
for some reason.
54
00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:10,129
Took him camping.
55
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,113
Had these weird candies
he'd only let Chris eat.
56
00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:14,374
How come I don't remember
any of this?
57
00:02:14,526 --> 00:02:16,209
Ah, too many video games,
buddy.
58
00:02:16,362 --> 00:02:17,785
They're rotting your brains.
59
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,046
Get your hands off me, Jared!
60
00:02:20,199 --> 00:02:22,123
You're really gonna complain
about Brad Pitt?
61
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,217
Who cares what role
he's playing?!
62
00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:25,627
Well, that's easy
for you to say, Lois.
63
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,480
Women have no idea
what it's like for us men,
64
00:02:28,632 --> 00:02:30,465
being held up to
impossible standards of beauty
65
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,600
in the media.
66
00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:33,877
Ooh, Jennifer Lawrence has
a new movie.
67
00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:35,379
Eh! Too old. Next.
68
00:02:35,397 --> 00:02:37,047
Peter, I think
you're right to protest.
69
00:02:37,065 --> 00:02:38,715
-I'll even join you.
-Thanks, Brian.
70
00:02:38,734 --> 00:02:41,476
Sometimes you just got
to stand up for what's right.
71
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,495
That's why I stood up
to Kanye West.
72
00:02:43,647 --> 00:02:46,406
Dinosaurs were created
by the Illuminati.
73
00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:49,168
The government hides secrets
in SpaghettiOs.
74
00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:50,818
And Hitler would've
won Wimbledon
75
00:02:50,913 --> 00:02:52,579
if he played tennis, bro.
76
00:02:52,731 --> 00:02:54,414
Sir, sir, sir.
77
00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:57,176
We do not wear shoes
in this house.
78
00:02:58,570 --> 00:03:02,055
Thank you. Now please
continue about Wimbledon.
79
00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:06,018
[chanting]
Overweight is overdue!
80
00:03:06,169 --> 00:03:07,186
Overweight is overdue!
81
00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:09,188
Wow, I'm impressed, Peter.
82
00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:10,856
Yeah, it's going great.
83
00:03:11,007 --> 00:03:12,691
News trucks even showed up
to cover it.
84
00:03:12,842 --> 00:03:15,343
I-I think... I think those
are just food trucks.
85
00:03:15,437 --> 00:03:18,088
Come on, you know you want some.
86
00:03:18,106 --> 00:03:19,347
Hi, fellas.
87
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,591
Oh, hey. Thanks for coming out
to support us.
88
00:03:21,685 --> 00:03:24,077
"Dangerous Curves Ahead."
89
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,931
-Oh...
-[laughs] Right?
90
00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:30,042
[laughs]
Oh, that is good.
91
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,935
[laughing]
You get it.
92
00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:34,696
[laughs]
That... that is clever.
93
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:35,714
Am I right?
94
00:03:35,941 --> 00:03:37,031
[laughter]
95
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,443
That, that's good.
That's good.
96
00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:41,778
-Isn't it, though? [laughs]
-Yeah, yeah.
97
00:03:41,797 --> 00:03:44,556
[whispers] Brian, can you
explain that shirt to me later?
98
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,229
Protesters were on hand today
at the set of
99
00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:52,973
the new Chris Christie biopic
being filmed in Quahog.
100
00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:56,126
They were protesting the casting
of Hollywood superstar Brad Pitt
101
00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:58,979
in the lead role
and not a person of heft.
102
00:03:59,131 --> 00:04:01,147
Well, Peter, I'm just glad
you're on the news
103
00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,559
for something other than sitting
on a hamster at a school event.
104
00:04:04,653 --> 00:04:07,320
[clamoring]
105
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,139
Hey, they said they weren't
gonna put that!
106
00:04:09,157 --> 00:04:10,374
[doorbell rings]
107
00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:12,900
Mr. Griffin, hi.
108
00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:14,753
I'm Josh Universal
from the movie.
109
00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:17,314
I'm taking a break
from my horrific cocaine habit
110
00:04:17,332 --> 00:04:19,258
to ask you
to sit down with our producers
111
00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:22,502
for a "listening session"
to hear your concerns.
112
00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:25,264
And, on an unrelated note,
can I use your bathroom,
113
00:04:25,491 --> 00:04:27,415
and does anyone have
a rolled-up bill?
114
00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:29,659
Oh, of course. I got
a special five just for that.
115
00:04:30,662 --> 00:04:34,255
[sniffs] All right, let's get
zapped and go see a play!
116
00:04:34,349 --> 00:04:36,358
♪ ♪
117
00:04:38,854 --> 00:04:40,988
Hmm. That's odd.
118
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:48,512
Mr. Griffin, thank you
for meeting with us.
119
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:49,679
Have a seat.
120
00:04:49,698 --> 00:04:51,181
Not on my lap!
121
00:04:51,274 --> 00:04:52,774
Sorry. [chuckles]
I'm a little nervous.
122
00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:55,460
Peter Griffin,
please meet Brad Pitt.
123
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,213
♪ ♪
124
00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:01,358
[gasps]
George Clooney's boyfriend?
125
00:05:01,376 --> 00:05:04,044
No, no. A few years ago,
he was cast in a marriage.
126
00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:05,953
Mr. Griffin,
we've asked you here
127
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,622
because we understand
you have an issue
128
00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,549
with Brad playing the lead role
in our movie.
129
00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:13,294
We want to make sure we hear
and ignore all your concerns.
130
00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:15,981
Look, I know Brad Pitt is
a big star and all,
131
00:05:16,132 --> 00:05:17,983
but he's playing Chris Christie,
who's a fat guy.
132
00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:20,802
It seems unfair that
the role didn't go to a fat guy.
133
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,987
It only makes sense.
134
00:05:22,214 --> 00:05:24,323
Don't you think
we should cast the best actor,
135
00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:25,640
letting them interpret the role,
136
00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,492
rather than depending
on physical traits?
137
00:05:27,719 --> 00:05:29,995
Not if you're taking the role
away from a fat guy.
138
00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,906
But, Mr. Griffin, Brad Pitt is
a highly skilled actor
139
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,076
who's won an Oscar and lots
of garbage Golden Globes.
140
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,502
You're not hearing my concerns.
141
00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,504
You don't know
the challenges fat guys face.
142
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,673
What it's like
to have to rock multiple times
143
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,234
to get off the couch,
or how it feels to have to poke
144
00:05:44,252 --> 00:05:46,011
a new hole in your belt
with a nail,
145
00:05:46,162 --> 00:05:48,088
only to realize
the end no longer
146
00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:49,406
tucks into the little loop,
147
00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:50,924
or the shame
of getting thrown out
148
00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:52,300
of a strip club for touching.
149
00:05:52,411 --> 00:05:54,411
That last thing doesn't seem
like a weight issue.
150
00:05:54,429 --> 00:05:56,170
You sound just like the judge!
151
00:05:56,264 --> 00:05:59,082
Look, the casting of this movie
is offensive to fat people,
152
00:05:59,175 --> 00:06:01,610
and I won't rest
until it gets shut down.
153
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,270
Mr. Griffin, look,
154
00:06:04,423 --> 00:06:07,866
what if we made you our
"official fat guy consultant"?
155
00:06:08,093 --> 00:06:09,534
Do you think I'm an idiot?
156
00:06:09,761 --> 00:06:11,352
Yes! What if I told you
157
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:14,188
we'll give you a P.A. who will
get you anything you want?
158
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,099
Deal. 20 Happy Meals, please.
159
00:06:16,192 --> 00:06:18,268
He's actually Judd Apatow's
nephew Zack.
160
00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:19,769
You can't tell him what to do.
161
00:06:19,938 --> 00:06:21,271
In fact, you work for him.
162
00:06:21,273 --> 00:06:22,530
I want you to get me this thing,
163
00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:25,050
and I can't remember
what it is or where I saw it.
164
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,095
Wow, I'm gonna learn so much
from his last name.
165
00:06:33,952 --> 00:06:36,061
[fighting and gunfire on TV]
166
00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:39,639
The new season of White Lotus
is weird.
167
00:06:39,791 --> 00:06:42,234
Griffins, you are looking at
the Chris Christie movie's
168
00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:44,403
official fat guy consultant.
169
00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:47,239
Boy, that's a garbage title
if I ever heard one.
170
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:49,241
What? Wait a minute,
so instead of demanding
171
00:06:49,468 --> 00:06:51,410
they cast a plus-sized actor,
you caved
172
00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:53,245
when they offered you
a meaningless title?
173
00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:55,747
-What about
everything you fought for?
-Don't you see, Brian?
174
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:58,975
Now I can work the system
from the inside with dignity.
175
00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:01,536
-[phone rings]
-Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew?
176
00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,756
[deflated]
Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew.
177
00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:08,318
[crying]
Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew.
178
00:07:08,336 --> 00:07:10,670
What does a fat guy consultant
even do?
179
00:07:10,822 --> 00:07:13,323
I'm the personal
weight-gain coach for Brad Pitt.
180
00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:15,100
Wou-Would we get to meet him?
181
00:07:15,251 --> 00:07:17,177
Sure. My job is
to teach him how to think,
182
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,104
eat and live like a fat guy.
183
00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:20,830
So, just like that,
you're giving up?
184
00:07:20,849 --> 00:07:22,107
Brian, I'm a fat guy.
185
00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:23,516
I got all fired up
about something,
186
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,486
and now I'm tired
and I'd like some custard.
187
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:33,100
Guys, I'd like you to meet
my new friend Brad Pitt.
188
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,603
-Oh, my God!
-Whoa, nice to meet you.
189
00:07:35,697 --> 00:07:38,123
-Who's this now?
-He's a very famous actor.
190
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,033
He's like
the white Morris Chestnut.
191
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,943
-Oh, damn!
-Wow!
192
00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:44,278
I can't believe I'm sitting here
with Brad Pitt.
193
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,613
I've got so many questions.
194
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,115
Like, what are the other rules
of Fight Club?
195
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,693
Well, the first rule is--
196
00:07:49,786 --> 00:07:51,211
No, I'm clear on the first rule.
197
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,030
And I know the second rule is
just repeating the first.
198
00:07:54,049 --> 00:07:55,381
But there's got to be
loads more.
199
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,793
Like, I got to think
"no sack attacks" is on there.
200
00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,053
Hey, Brad.
Any chance I could get
201
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,888
Jennifer Aniston's number
from you?
202
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,148
I know she's got to be
a nightmare,
203
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:05,709
but she keeps it
so freakin' tight.
204
00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:06,726
Okay, enough small talk.
205
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,228
Let's do
what I brought him here for:
206
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,063
to break the Internet
with a group
207
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,824
-head-smushed-together selfie.
-[phone beeps]
208
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,308
[camera clicks]
209
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,995
Kevin Spacey?
Get out of here.
210
00:08:17,222 --> 00:08:19,222
You're not allowed to be
in head-smushed-together photos
211
00:08:19,241 --> 00:08:20,332
after what you did.
212
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:23,059
Not guilty
on all British counts.
213
00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:25,545
[chuckles] Oh, that rascal.
214
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:30,416
[knocking]
215
00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,570
Hi, you must be Peter's wife.
I'm Brad.
216
00:08:33,663 --> 00:08:35,597
♪ ♪
217
00:08:37,075 --> 00:08:40,076
Oh, I know who you are.
I'm-- [screams]
218
00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:42,003
Hi, I'm-- [screams]
219
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,429
Stewart. Charmed.
220
00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:45,248
I know you dump people
when they're 40,
221
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:48,026
but that still gives us
39 good years.
222
00:08:48,253 --> 00:08:50,177
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Pitt.
223
00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:52,346
Um, when you did
that movie Snatch,
224
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,515
did you know
that also means something else?
225
00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:56,183
Because it very much does.
226
00:08:56,278 --> 00:08:58,762
That's a sticky handshake
you got there, Chris.
227
00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,764
Peter, I was wondering
if I could spend some time
228
00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:03,283
with you and your family,
observing how you live
229
00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:05,710
and how you eat,
to prepare for the role.
230
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:07,120
Sure, I'd be glad to help.
231
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,606
Wow, I ain't had a celebrity
ask me for a favor
232
00:09:09,657 --> 00:09:12,125
since Jeremy Renner asked me
to shovel out his driveway.
233
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:16,037
-[engine idling]
-Uh, Jeremy, in light of
recent events, uh...
234
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,557
could ol' Pete borrow your skis?
235
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,137
Okay, Brad, I'm gonna teach you
to be a fat guy.
236
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,306
For starters,
this is where we eat.
237
00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:29,401
Um, excuse me, Mr. Pitt,
but would you mind
238
00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:31,311
if I FaceTime my friends
with you here?
239
00:09:31,463 --> 00:09:33,721
Oh, my God, they'll go crazy!
240
00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:35,240
Sure, Meg, it'd be my pleasure.
241
00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:38,159
-[squeals]
-[FaceTime app ringing]
242
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,087
Oh, boy.
243
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:52,465
Oh, this-this is sad.
244
00:09:53,985 --> 00:09:57,429
Oh, this-this is just... Oh...
245
00:09:57,656 --> 00:10:00,006
Why don't I just take this,
dear.
246
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,725
-[ringing stops]
-[phone beeps]
247
00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:08,422
Okay, Brad, now,
another fat guy rule is that
248
00:10:08,516 --> 00:10:10,591
when you're out at restaurants,
always act like
249
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,110
you're on the fence
about dessert.
250
00:10:12,261 --> 00:10:14,337
So, folks, we thinking dessert?
251
00:10:14,339 --> 00:10:16,114
Seriously? You must be joking.
252
00:10:16,341 --> 00:10:19,117
I cannot move.
No, sir. No way.
253
00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:20,860
Absolutely stuffed to the gills.
254
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:22,269
Gonna have to take a rain check.
255
00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:24,514
Although... No, no,
I can't even suggest it.
256
00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:28,017
We are done. Done-a-roo.
Check, please.
257
00:10:28,036 --> 00:10:29,443
Although... just thinking,
258
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,112
I don't know when
we'll be back here.
259
00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:32,964
I read about
the award-winning pastry chef--
260
00:10:33,116 --> 00:10:34,782
Wait, what am I saying? No! No.
261
00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:36,134
Stop me, please,
someone, please.
262
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,861
Bring the check now.
263
00:10:37,954 --> 00:10:40,121
Okay, you know what, we'll get
one order and we'll all share.
264
00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:42,140
One dessert, one dish,
five spoons.
265
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:43,700
Whoever wants can have some.
266
00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:45,644
One plate. One of everything.
My plate.
267
00:10:45,795 --> 00:10:47,729
One spoon. No share.
268
00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,317
Now, Brad, if you're gonna
play a fat guy on camera,
269
00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:55,195
you got to learn
how to do the rope swing.
270
00:10:57,473 --> 00:10:59,199
Okay, let me show you
how it's done.
271
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,534
[groans]
272
00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:06,814
900,000 views.
273
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,058
-I'm learning so much.
-That's great.
274
00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:11,060
Hey, can you click
on a porn site for me?
275
00:11:11,079 --> 00:11:12,578
Otherwise I got to
peck it with my nose
276
00:11:12,731 --> 00:11:14,631
like a tic-tac-toe chicken.
277
00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:22,922
Here you go.
278
00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:24,516
Thanks so much, Mrs. Griffin.
279
00:11:24,743 --> 00:11:26,092
I love a home-cooked meal.
280
00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:28,836
Well, we are
so happy to have you.
281
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,263
-How's Shiloh?
-Who?
282
00:11:30,415 --> 00:11:31,839
-How's Maddox?
-Who?
283
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,507
-How's Zahara?
-Who?
284
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,859
-How's Pax?
-Who?
285
00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:36,236
-How's Vivienne?
-Who?
286
00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:37,511
-How's Knox?
-Who?
287
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,364
Ignore her,
she can be so annoying.
288
00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,274
Sometimes I wish
I had a private plane
289
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,410
just so I could choke her on it.
290
00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:48,431
Hey, can I get you anything?
291
00:11:48,524 --> 00:11:51,617
Another pork-n-Cheetos sandwich
or a buffalo latte?
292
00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:53,027
I'm good, Peter, thanks.
293
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,454
[director]
Brad, you're up!
294
00:11:54,622 --> 00:11:55,714
[groans]
295
00:11:55,865 --> 00:11:58,124
[grunting]
296
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,293
-Ah!
-[director] Brad? Are you okay?
297
00:12:00,445 --> 00:12:03,037
My back. I threw out my back.
I can't move.
298
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,781
Hey, since you can't
really move right now,
299
00:12:04,799 --> 00:12:06,540
this is probably
a good time to ask,
300
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,393
what's Juliette Lewis
really like?
301
00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:11,545
[straining]
Nice. Talented. Professional.
302
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,357
-A little shrill.
-Yeah, a little shrill.
Yeah, that sounds right.
303
00:12:15,293 --> 00:12:17,961
[groaning, panting]
304
00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:20,221
I don't think I can walk.
305
00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:22,315
We can't push back our schedule
any more.
306
00:12:22,391 --> 00:12:24,075
If Brad's injured,
what are we gonna do?
307
00:12:24,152 --> 00:12:25,802
We'll need a new Chris Christie.
308
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:29,205
But who could possibly play
that role on such short notice?
309
00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:31,991
I can play that role.
310
00:12:32,143 --> 00:12:34,235
Griffin,
you're not even an actor.
311
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,829
No, but what I am is
a real fat guy.
312
00:12:36,982 --> 00:12:38,572
Brad Pitt was never
the right choice.
313
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,575
This role calls for
real-life fat guy authenticity.
314
00:12:41,653 --> 00:12:43,486
I mean, would Transparent
have been as good
315
00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,171
if they just put a guy
in a dress?
316
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,081
Would Neil Patrick Harris
have been as funny
317
00:12:47,175 --> 00:12:48,749
on How I Met Your Mother
if he wasn't
318
00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,751
a known heterosexual horndog?
319
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,512
Would Tropic Thunder
have been as authentic
320
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:56,065
if Robert Downey Jr. wasn't
a dignified Black man?
321
00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:58,926
We're in a jam.
What do you think?
322
00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:00,761
I don't think
we have any other choice.
323
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,172
All right, Griffin,
you got the part.
324
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:05,024
Awesome! I'm gonna
FaceTime my friends.
325
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,859
They're gonna be
so excited for me.
326
00:13:07,012 --> 00:13:09,162
[FaceTime app ringing]
327
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,626
Oh, boy.
328
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,629
Oh, this-this is sad.
329
00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:25,637
[TV announcer]
We now return to
a steamy business drama
330
00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,880
where no one understands
what's happening.
331
00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:30,624
Are you saying we should forge
the EBITDA projections
332
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,218
-for the quarterlies?
-No.
333
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,645
I'm saying
we declare a revenue-miss
334
00:13:33,796 --> 00:13:35,296
while issuing additional shares
335
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,723
based on reduced
capitalization estimates.
336
00:13:37,892 --> 00:13:39,967
Jim, you're in grave danger
337
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,561
of violating
the Glass-Steagall Act.
338
00:13:41,713 --> 00:13:44,213
[Chris]
They haven't shown a bare ass
in three weeks!
339
00:13:44,307 --> 00:13:45,898
Show me your ass, Jim.
340
00:13:46,051 --> 00:13:47,141
[Chris]
And I'm back.
341
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,053
Griffins,
you are looking at the new lead
342
00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:51,904
in the Chris Christie movie.
343
00:13:51,981 --> 00:13:54,499
You? Wh-What happened
to Brad Pitt?
344
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,726
It's what I've been saying
all along, Lois.
345
00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:58,061
He can't do what I do.
346
00:13:58,079 --> 00:14:00,112
He doesn't bring
the fat guy authenticity.
347
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,231
His sweat doesn't smell
like french fries.
348
00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:04,250
He doesn't bring
the sky-high blood pressure
349
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,902
or the jolting sleep apnea.
350
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,846
I have that gift.
That's why.
351
00:14:07,997 --> 00:14:09,906
Peter, this is ridiculous.
352
00:14:10,075 --> 00:14:11,516
You can't play Chris Christie.
353
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,500
You're not even an actor.
354
00:14:13,578 --> 00:14:14,744
Oh, no?
355
00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:18,581
Yes, Lois! Yes! Yes! Oh!
356
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,007
Sound familiar?
357
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,085
-But how do you...?
-Squirt gun full of Ivory.
358
00:14:22,178 --> 00:14:25,530
Sorry, Lunchables, I'm afraid
I've lost my appetite.
359
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,090
Peter, I'm proud of you.
360
00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,441
You're actually making
important strides
361
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,018
on behalf of inclusivity
and cultural sensitivity.
362
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,203
Yeah, I'm all for that stuff.
363
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,854
As long as we don't
got to take down
364
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,281
the Confederate statue
in the yard.
365
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,266
That's for history and learning.
366
00:14:37,285 --> 00:14:38,710
Even if they did
come in second place
367
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,286
out of two armies in a war.
368
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,439
-So, how'd we do?
-Second place, baby.
369
00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:44,941
Hey, not bad.
370
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:47,468
Silver medal. Whoo!
371
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,332
Okay, Peter,
so, in this next scene,
372
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,377
Christie would probably struggle
in the heat and sun
373
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,379
on the George Washington Bridge.
374
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,881
You presume to lecture me
what it's like?
375
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,142
How dare you thinsplain to me?
376
00:15:03,294 --> 00:15:05,904
Talk to me
when your BMI is over 35.
377
00:15:06,055 --> 00:15:07,888
Wow, a real live movie set.
378
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,057
So cool to be here
for the magic.
379
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,801
Yeah, and look,
there's a child star
380
00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:13,077
who's getting an hour of school.
381
00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:15,896
Okay, Billy, now,
what color is this?
382
00:15:15,974 --> 00:15:17,564
-Blue?
-Close enough.
383
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,824
Now get back out there
384
00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:21,644
and be the most distracting
part of any film.
385
00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:22,754
♪ ♪
386
00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,756
♪ Making a movie ♪
387
00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:28,151
♪ Not as glamorous as it seems ♪
388
00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:29,652
♪ Standing around ♪
389
00:15:29,671 --> 00:15:32,155
♪ For three hours
just to move a light ♪
390
00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:35,708
♪ Tripping over thick cables
everywhere ♪
391
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:41,180
♪ Spending all day shooting
one ten-second scene, yeah ♪
392
00:15:41,332 --> 00:15:45,193
♪ Waving flies
off the craft service table ♪
393
00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:48,337
♪ Making a movie ♪
394
00:15:48,431 --> 00:15:51,674
♪ Way more tedious
than it seems ♪
395
00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:55,453
♪ The most important job
is the editor ♪
396
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,457
♪ Staring at a frame
for 18 hours straight ♪
397
00:15:59,684 --> 00:16:02,702
♪ Most of them snap
and go crazy ♪
398
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:07,799
♪ Even a dumb cartoon like this
takes 18 months ♪
399
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:12,428
♪ What are we all doing? ♪
400
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,142
[camera shutters clicking]
401
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,720
Oh, Peter,
your big movie premiere.
402
00:16:20,888 --> 00:16:22,538
This is so exciting!
403
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:25,391
Did Dr. Hartman bring a woman
in a coma as his date?
404
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,635
Hey, guys, big night, huh?
See you in there.
405
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,563
-[crowd clamoring]
-[camera shutters clicking]
406
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:33,974
Oh, God, here come those
mindless entertainment reporters
407
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,901
who only want to know,
"Who are you wearing?"
408
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,720
-Stewie!
-Stewie.
-Over here, Stewie.
409
00:16:37,739 --> 00:16:40,223
How do you respond to those
who accuse your show
410
00:16:40,241 --> 00:16:42,241
of trafficking in
decades of misogyny,
411
00:16:42,393 --> 00:16:45,061
homophobia and racially
insensitive stereotyping?
412
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,654
Uh... Thom Browne, thank you.
413
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,007
Go, Brian. Go, go, go, go, go.
414
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,751
And here's the star of the film,
Peter Griffin.
415
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,344
What are you wearing tonight,
Peter?
416
00:16:53,421 --> 00:16:56,163
Well, Tom, the shirt is actually
two shirts sewn together.
417
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,516
The jacket is stolen
from a steak house maître d',
418
00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:00,243
and the pants are a towel.
419
00:17:00,245 --> 00:17:02,762
You know, I hear you were
quite the prankster on set.
420
00:17:02,914 --> 00:17:03,929
Well, it wasn't so much pranks
421
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,264
as yelling
and shouting at women.
422
00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:06,766
Yeah, a lot of 'em aren't here
tonight.
423
00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:09,268
They're doing some town hall
meeting with Gloria Allred.
424
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:11,154
Ah, we'll see what happens.
425
00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:17,593
The after-party's at a Panera
426
00:17:17,612 --> 00:17:20,204
that's still open
to normal customers.
427
00:17:20,431 --> 00:17:22,540
[cheering]
428
00:17:22,691 --> 00:17:24,024
Thank you all for coming.
429
00:17:24,193 --> 00:17:26,269
-[Quagmire] Giggity.
-It was a lot of hard work.
430
00:17:26,287 --> 00:17:29,213
-[Quagmire] Giggity.
-And thanks to the unnecessarily
long writers' strike,
431
00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:32,366
we were unable to write
a third joke for this speech.
432
00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:34,034
[cheering]
433
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,945
-Hey!
-Ow!
434
00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:37,238
That's your father's movie
up there.
435
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,948
Pay attention, you dope.
436
00:17:38,966 --> 00:17:41,184
♪ ♪
437
00:17:42,804 --> 00:17:45,271
[clamoring on screen]
438
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,456
Repeat after me.
439
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:50,293
-I's am governor.
-I's am governor.
440
00:17:50,311 --> 00:17:52,962
-Youse are not.
-Youse are not.
441
00:17:52,964 --> 00:17:55,648
Big Pussy didn't deserve
to die like that
442
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:56,908
in The Sopranos.
443
00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:58,484
But he was a freakin' rat!
444
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,986
Congratulations, you are
the governor of New Jersey.
445
00:18:01,139 --> 00:18:03,230
Now let's all root
for the Jets and the Mets
446
00:18:03,324 --> 00:18:04,990
like the idiots we are.
447
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,234
[cheering]
448
00:18:07,328 --> 00:18:09,337
♪ ♪
449
00:18:10,498 --> 00:18:12,965
[thunder crashing]
450
00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:17,320
Lord, please protect us
from this coming hurricane.
451
00:18:17,413 --> 00:18:20,172
It's bad enough you gave me
the same first and last name.
452
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,825
Please don't let me be killed
by a Sandy.
453
00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:26,662
The fellas at the Y would never
let me hear the end of it. Amen.
454
00:18:26,831 --> 00:18:28,831
♪ ♪
455
00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:30,775
[crying]
456
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,336
Oh, Chris, you're dying.
457
00:18:33,429 --> 00:18:35,838
Don't remember me like this.
458
00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,949
Remember me stuffed
like a sausage
459
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,785
into that NYPD softball uniform.
460
00:18:40,936 --> 00:18:43,937
♪ But I would walk 500 miles ♪
461
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:47,416
-[scattered clapping]
-♪ And I would walk 500. ♪
462
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,444
[feigning enthusiasm]
Hey, that was terrific.
463
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,964
[forced]
Oh, what an achievement.
464
00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:54,540
[chuckles awkwardly]
You really did it, buddy.
465
00:18:54,692 --> 00:18:56,525
What are you guys
talking about? I stunk.
466
00:18:56,619 --> 00:18:57,618
I can't act at all.
467
00:18:57,712 --> 00:18:59,011
No...
468
00:18:59,121 --> 00:19:02,198
You were, uh,
very believably fat.
469
00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:03,957
Didn't you notice half the time
470
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,309
I was staring
right into the camera?
471
00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:08,053
They had to use peanut butter
to get me on my mark.
472
00:19:08,206 --> 00:19:09,221
Yeah, but you've done
a great thing
473
00:19:09,374 --> 00:19:11,223
for authenticity
and inclusivity.
474
00:19:11,376 --> 00:19:12,558
I don't even know
what those words mean,
475
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,894
I just like to see your tail wag
when you say 'em.
476
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,488
Peter, you're giving
the marginalized a voice.
477
00:19:17,715 --> 00:19:18,898
How are they marginalized?
478
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,141
The whole country's full
of dumb, fat [bleep].
479
00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:24,570
Now more than ever, we need
authenticity and inclusivity.
480
00:19:24,722 --> 00:19:26,831
No, Brian.
What we need is good actors.
481
00:19:27,058 --> 00:19:28,724
I don't care if they're Black,
white, tall,
482
00:19:28,743 --> 00:19:30,001
short, thin, fat.
483
00:19:30,152 --> 00:19:31,502
Gay, straight--
you forgot those ones.
484
00:19:31,729 --> 00:19:33,838
Look, I-I admit
I thought acting was easy.
485
00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:36,007
And maybe I was blinded
by all the praise I got
486
00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:37,733
from Harvey Weinstein.
487
00:19:37,752 --> 00:19:40,736
Peter, Harvey Weinstein hasn't
had clout for like six years.
488
00:19:40,905 --> 00:19:43,088
Oh, boy. Then I may have done
some things I'll regret.
489
00:19:43,908 --> 00:19:46,242
I don't know, I guess,
as a fat guy, I-I got offended
490
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,427
that Chris Christie wasn't
played by a fat guy.
491
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,855
But turns out it just needed
to be a good actor.
492
00:19:51,006 --> 00:19:53,006
Maybe we should all
spend less time judging
493
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,266
and more time enjoying
494
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,252
what different actors
bring to different roles.
495
00:19:56,387 --> 00:19:58,679
That's the magic
of movies and TV.
496
00:19:58,773 --> 00:20:00,105
[Chris]
And stepson porn.
497
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:02,591
Chris, you don't have
to join every conversation.
498
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:05,018
[murmuring]
499
00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:06,278
Okay, look, look, I understand
500
00:20:06,431 --> 00:20:08,355
not everyone will agree
on this issue,
501
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,374
but let's discuss it
in a civilized manner
502
00:20:10,526 --> 00:20:12,968
by making death threats
from our individual homes
503
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:14,712
to one another on the Internet.
504
00:20:14,863 --> 00:20:16,589
[phone chimes]
505
00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:20,551
Right back at you, buddy.
506
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:29,227
Well, I'm sorry your movie
didn't go over well, Peter.
507
00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:30,953
Yeah, the money was good,
but I got tired of
508
00:20:30,972 --> 00:20:32,063
all the one-night stands.
509
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:33,064
-What?
-Huh?
510
00:20:33,215 --> 00:20:34,640
Sorry, my ears have been clogged
511
00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,717
since I made out with that guy
from the film crew.
512
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,884
-What?
-Huh?
513
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,144
Well, I got to say, Bri,
514
00:20:39,297 --> 00:20:40,238
it might not have worked out
for Dad,
515
00:20:40,389 --> 00:20:42,723
but I sure got bit
by the acting bug.
516
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,983
Really? You want to be an actor?
517
00:20:44,151 --> 00:20:46,635
Oh, yeah. I'd be great
in Streetcar.
518
00:20:46,654 --> 00:20:50,248
Stella! Stella!
519
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,732
What?!
520
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,043
Is Aidan home?
37441
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
