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1
00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,371
* Good times *
2
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:06,539
* Any timeYou meet a payment *
3
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:07,774
* Good times *
4
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,976
* Any timeYou need a friend *
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,244
* Good times *
6
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:13,179
* Any timeYou're out from under *
7
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,616
* Not gettin' hassledNot gettin' hustled *
8
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:20,020
* Keepin' your headAbove water *
9
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,622
* Makin' a waveWhen you can *
10
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:24,691
* Temporary layoffs *
11
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:26,192
* Good times *
12
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,061
* Easy creditRipoffs *
13
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:29,362
* Good times *
14
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:31,164
* Scratchin'And survivin' *
15
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:32,665
* Good times *
16
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,001
* Hangin'In a chow line *
17
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,870
* Good times *
18
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:39,272
* Ain't we luckyWe got 'em *
19
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:44,911
* Good times *
20
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:52,118
Hey, Penny,
I still smell smoke.
21
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,688
You'd better fan
a little harder.
22
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,565
VoilĂ .
23
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:07,233
This ought to kill the smell.
24
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,102
It kills everything else
it comes near.
25
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,439
Hey, J.J., what is that stuff?
26
00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:14,207
It's Thelma's perfume.
Yuck.
27
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,542
It's my what?
28
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,577
That's right, girl.
Give me that, fool.
29
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,813
The elevator's here!
Mama's coming!
30
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,147
Oh, no.
31
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:22,882
[ALL SHRIEKING]
32
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:29,389
Hi, y'all.
33
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,291
ALL:
Hi.
34
00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:37,564
Child, it is so cold out there,
35
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:38,798
my goose bumps are begging me
36
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,968
to go south for the winter.
37
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,403
What's that I smell?
38
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,105
Smell?
39
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,774
What smell?
40
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:50,310
You know what,
I smell something...smoky.
41
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:52,245
Smoky and sweet.
42
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,682
Like somebody's barbecuing
an Avon lady.
43
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,619
That's supposed
to be a joke.
44
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:00,754
[ALL LAUGHING]
45
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,155
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
46
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:03,623
Somethin' funny's
going on here.
47
00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:05,492
Hey, why don't we go
down to Lake Michigan
48
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:07,060
and watch the ice crack.
49
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,728
THELMA:
All right!
Let's do that.
50
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:11,664
Hold it right there,
every one of you.
51
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,400
Something is going on,
52
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:14,968
and ain't nobody
leaving this room
53
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:17,437
until I get to the bottom
of this.
54
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,406
[SHRIEKS]
55
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,609
What happened to the couch?
56
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,645
Uh, well, see, Willona,
57
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,280
uh, this is nothing.
58
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,883
Uh, matter of fact, I don't even
want to bore you
59
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:32,085
with the details.
60
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:35,622
Honey, bore me with the details.
What happened?
61
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:39,225
Well, Willona, we just had
a little itty bitsy...fire.
62
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:40,794
[CLEARS THROAT]
Fire?
63
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:44,431
Lord have mercy.
64
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:46,266
Did anybody get hurt?
65
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:47,801
Oh, no, Willona,
nobody got hurt.
66
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,703
It was
really nothing.
67
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,405
It was really nothing, huh?
68
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,507
By the looks of this couch,
you're lucky everybody
69
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:56,576
in this house
hasn't burned down by now.
70
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,112
I left y'all to watch Penny.
Now, I wanna know what happened.
71
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,714
And I wanna know right now.
72
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,315
You see, Willona--
It all started--
73
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,684
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
74
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:05,852
One minute.
75
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,187
Now, we gonna go
one at a time.
76
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:08,621
You first.
What happened?
77
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,390
Willona, you coming
to the right person,
78
00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:11,891
I'm gonna tell you
what happened.
79
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,626
You know,
after you dropped Penny off,
80
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,628
J.J. came over
with this fine girl.
81
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,330
Her name was Mandy.
Oh, she's bad.
82
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:20,100
But anyway, I was working on
my chemistry experiment, right,
83
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,369
and when I was doing that, theformulas I was mixing...
84
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:23,970
Michael, will you
play house with me?
85
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,805
Sure, Penny. Just as soon as I'm
finished
86
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:28,908
with this chemistry
experiment.
87
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,310
[CLAPPING]
88
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:31,778
That's beautiful.
89
00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:34,080
Now can we play house?
Sure.
90
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,583
Michael, would you come taste
this soup for me, please?
91
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,251
Excuse me, Penny.
Thelma, dear,
92
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,819
nothing would give me
more pleasure
93
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:42,455
than to taste
your delightful soup.
94
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:44,858
Ugh!
95
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,327
[GAGS, COUGHS]
96
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,799
You're improving,
Thelma.
97
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:56,536
Hey, everybody.
98
00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,773
This is Mandy.
99
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:03,510
Mandy, this is everybody.
100
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:07,747
And, uh,
over here is my, uh,
101
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,150
genius brother,
Michael.
102
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,152
MANDY:
Michael.
103
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:15,055
You're all J.J. talks about,
Michael.
104
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:18,324
You know,
J.J. is just too kind.
105
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:22,195
But, Mandy,
I am your humble servant.
106
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,533
Uh, why don't you
say we leave
107
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,735
the ebony Einstein
over here by himself,
108
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:32,238
and me and you go "genius"
on the couch.
109
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,407
Hello.
110
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,811
Just for a minute.
111
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,913
I mean,
I find your brother
112
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,948
so compelling.
113
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:44,150
But, uh, Mandy, see,
114
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,885
I'm, uh...
115
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,989
I'm compelling too.
116
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,091
You?
117
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,326
On a scale
of one to 10,
118
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,595
you a minus two.
119
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,498
Is that Fahrenheit
120
00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:01,601
or Celsius?
121
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:05,338
Oh, allow me.
Heh, heh.
122
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:10,810
Uh, Michael,
123
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:14,147
would you flick my Bic?
124
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,853
Mandy, not only
will I flick your Bic,
125
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:23,323
but my heels
are clicked.
126
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:26,760
Uh, Mandy, would you like
to stay for dinner?
127
00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:29,596
Thelma, I don't think
Mandy's constitution is ready
128
00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,232
to adjust to your...
unique style of cooking.
129
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,136
Uh, she can't anyway.
She has to go home and change,
130
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,706
'cause, see, me and Mandy
are going dancing tonight.
131
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,941
Dancing?
Well, if Michael'll be here,
132
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:45,078
I might be persuaded to stay.
Oh, no, I'm afraid Mandy can't--
133
00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:46,646
See, uh, because--
134
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,815
Oh, listen, Michael,
can I write to you?
135
00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:51,885
Baby, anytime.
You know I will be here.
136
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:54,854
Every day.
137
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:56,723
Whoo.
138
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,695
Now, Michael, will you
play house with me?
139
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:04,698
Sure, Penny, but after dinner,
okay? I'm gonna wash up.
140
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:06,933
He's so understanding.
141
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,902
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
142
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,773
Hello.
143
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,408
Oh, hi, Reggie.
144
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:18,211
Did your sister use
the recipe I gave her?
145
00:06:18,244 --> 00:06:20,680
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
146
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:27,754
Well, I'll send her
a get-well card, okay?
147
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:29,055
Oh, I see.
148
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,525
Where do I send the wreath?
149
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,862
Oh, my goodness. Oh, I don't--
150
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,664
Well, listen...
151
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,069
Hey, Penny.
Where's Michael?
152
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,571
He went to wash up.
153
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,406
You know,
that's the fifth girl this month
154
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,408
he's taken from me.
155
00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:50,844
J.J.: Hey, Michael.
Yeah?
156
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:53,346
Yeah, Michael,
every time I bring a girl home,
157
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:54,848
she winds up
wanting to be with you.
158
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,816
I just wanna know one thing.
159
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,886
What's your secret?
160
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:03,757
Well, you know, what can I say?
161
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:07,460
Michael, I'm so sorry
for the delay.
162
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,763
I'll have your dinner ready
in a second.
163
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,297
It's all right.
164
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:14,200
J.J.:
Michael! Fire!
165
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,169
Hey, hey, hey,
calm down everybody.
166
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,638
Do not panic.
I will handle everything.
167
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,041
How did this happen?
Everything will be all right.
168
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,076
You just listen. Calm down.
169
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,444
I got everything under control.
170
00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,046
And that's how it happened,
Willona.
171
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,747
I realized that after
I put out the fire,
172
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,816
it was that hot plate
that Thelma put on the couch
173
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:30,884
that really started it.
174
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,752
Michael, that is not true.
175
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,387
That couldn't
have started the fire,
176
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,222
because I never put
the plate in the oven,
177
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,258
so the plate was cold.
178
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,927
It was?
I didn't know that, Thelma.
179
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,796
I guess I was wrong.
180
00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:45,098
And that's wasn't the only thing
you were wrong about.
181
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,767
Mandy wanting to go out
with you?
182
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,936
Hmm.
183
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:53,406
You must have been sniffing
too much couch, brother.
184
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,476
Never mind about Mandy.
185
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,079
How did the fire start?
186
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,747
Let me tell you--
I already told you--
187
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:01,748
No, no, baby--
188
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,049
[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
189
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,018
Hold it. Hold it.
190
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,420
Now, I could tell you, Willona,
because I know the facts.
191
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,723
I wish somebody
would tell me the facts.
192
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:12,192
Okay. Now, remember when
you brought Penny over?
193
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:13,560
Uh-huh.
I was in the kitchen
194
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:16,763
making my usual magnificent,
fantastic dinner, right?
195
00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:18,798
Yeah.
And Michael was sitting here...
196
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,036
Michael, will you
play house with me?
197
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,904
Not right now. I'm busy.
Can't you see?
198
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:28,541
Well, excuse me!
199
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,276
Penny, I'll play house with you,
200
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,680
just as soon as I finish
making my soup.
201
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,284
Hey, everybody.
202
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,186
I want you all
to meet Mandy.
203
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:44,057
Mandy, this is everybody.
204
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,091
And over there
205
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,693
is the woman
whose cuisine
206
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:49,295
is responsible for this
magnificent physique,
207
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,232
my sister, Thelma.
208
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,800
Nice to meet you, Mandy.
209
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:56,469
Ooh! Girl,
what is that delicious smell
210
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,071
coming from the kitchen?
211
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:01,241
Looks like
a magnificent casserole to me.
212
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,376
Well, it's nothing much.
You know, nothing much.
213
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,679
It's just a little something
I threw together
214
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,748
with my, uh,
secret ingredient.
215
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,383
Well, you can tell me.
216
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:13,386
What's your secret
ingredient?
217
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:16,623
Powdered chicken lips.
218
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,629
[CLEARS THROAT]
219
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:25,432
Why don't we just leave
the, uh, gorgeous gourmet
220
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:26,933
over here by herself,
221
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:30,537
and me and you kind of grease
on over to the couch?
222
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,872
Well...
[CLEARS THROAT]
223
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,041
Well, just for a minute.
224
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,510
I mean,
your sister's so interesting.
225
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:39,179
Yeah, but, see, uh, Mandy,
226
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,313
I'm, uh,
227
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:43,283
interesting too.
228
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:46,052
You?
On a scale of one to 10,
229
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:48,521
you's a zero.
230
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,724
That high, huh?
231
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,694
Uh, allow me.
232
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,663
[CHUCKLES]
233
00:09:57,797 --> 00:10:00,700
Mandy,
I'll light your fire.
234
00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,874
Thank you.
235
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:09,743
No problem.
236
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,645
I got it.
237
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,115
You're too late, hon.
238
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,082
Thelma.
239
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,819
Listen, girl.
I hope I'm not imposing,
240
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,621
but could I stay for dinner?
Sure you can.
241
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:22,889
Uh, no, see, she can't,
242
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,591
because, you see, uh,
243
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:28,595
me and Mandy
are going dancing tonight,
244
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,530
and she's gotta go home
and change.
245
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,499
Yeah, I forgot.
246
00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:35,802
This is the last time
I answer a lonely hearts ad
247
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,037
in the newspaper.
248
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,705
[LAUGHS]
249
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,441
I mean, there's just
no quality control, you know?
250
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,610
I know what you mean.
Oh, yeah, Mandy.
251
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,078
What do you say
me and you, uh,
252
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:47,447
go walk on over
to the elevator there.
253
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,716
Now, look, Thelma, would you
make me up a doggie bag?
254
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,584
I'll take scraps, anything.
255
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,186
As a matter of fact,
send it by J.J.
256
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,654
I'll eat it on the way
to the disco.
257
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:55,922
Goodbye.
258
00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,193
Okay, Michael,
now, you go wash up, okay?
259
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,062
Thelma, I will scrub
my hands in Ajax
260
00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:04,064
just to have a sample
of your food.
261
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,865
Oh, thank you, Michael.
You're welcome.
262
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,667
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
263
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,105
Hello.
264
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:14,374
Yes, this is Thelma.
Who's this?
265
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,776
The man who loves me the most?
266
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:20,613
Norman, is that you?
267
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:24,384
Huh? No? Phil? Robert?
268
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,619
This has gotta be Kevin.
Come on, now...
269
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:34,094
Hey, Penny, where's Thelma?
270
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:37,263
She's on the phone
with one of her many admirers.
271
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:41,701
Boy, I wish I was as popular
as my sister, Thelma.
272
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,804
Don't be silly, J.J.
273
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,273
What would you do
with all those handsome men?
274
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,811
Is dinner ready yet?
275
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,346
Abdul? Pierre?
276
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,281
Robert? No?
277
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,450
Well, I'll just
forget it for now.
278
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,953
Well, look, I'll just go
put this in the oven.
279
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,688
Thelma, I don't know
how you do it.
280
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,556
You make fantastic meals,
281
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:04,791
you look beautiful,
282
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,059
and you have
more boyfriends
283
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:07,660
than you know
what to do with.
284
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:11,064
Well, you know, what can I say?
285
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,500
MICHAEL:
You can say our couch
is on fire!
286
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,368
Hey! Look!
287
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,671
What? Huh? Thelma!
288
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:20,373
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute.
289
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,942
Just take it easy.
290
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:25,945
Take it easy.
It's no problem...
291
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,580
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
292
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,215
And that's just what happened.
293
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,117
And after I put out that fire,
294
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:34,254
I realized that it was the match
that J.J. threw on that couch
295
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,522
that started that fire.
296
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,525
Oh, yeah, platypus face?
297
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,296
Hm.
298
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:44,531
Well, then,
299
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:49,269
how do you explain
this cold match in the ashtray?
300
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,505
Oh, there's a match
in the ashtray?
301
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:53,673
J.J.:
Mm-hm.
302
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:56,176
Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess I was wrong.
303
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,577
J.J.: Yeah.
I still wanna know
304
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,946
how the fire got started.
305
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:02,048
J.J.: Well, you see--
Well, you see, Willona--
306
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:05,051
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
307
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,587
Silencio!
308
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:11,324
All right, now, Willona.
309
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:15,061
Here's the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth,
310
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:18,565
the gospel
according to Brother J.
311
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,140
All right, Willona,
here's the truth.
312
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:28,942
Now, me being
the designated breadwinner
313
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,076
in the family,
314
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,112
the number-one in charge,
315
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,647
the general man about town--
316
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:37,183
Uh, J.J., could you
get on with it?
317
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,718
You know?
Okay.
318
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:42,155
See, I came home
with this fine-feathered fox,
319
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:44,557
and everybody was freaking out
because they didn't think
320
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,459
I could pull herin the first place.
321
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,161
[CLEARS THROAT]
322
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,466
Gang, I'm home.
323
00:13:56,936 --> 00:14:00,073
Aw. Everyone,
I want you all to meet
324
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:03,276
my adorable woman, Mandy.
325
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:06,446
And, adorable woman Mandy,
this is everyone.
326
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:09,049
And over there
is my sister, Thelma,
327
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:12,452
the wicked witch of the kitch.
328
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:13,853
[CACKLES]
329
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,125
J.J., will you play house
with me?
330
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:23,396
But J.J., you promised me
we was gonna play house.
331
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,267
Before you play house, man,
332
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,302
help me out
with this chemistry experiment.
333
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,071
Uh, sure, Michael.
334
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:34,808
Whether it be chemistry
or biology,
335
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:38,812
uh, just call on Dr. J.J., Ph.D.
336
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,116
Oh, boy, whatcha got here?
337
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,119
Uh-huh.
338
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,189
There you go, Michael.
339
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,990
Hey. Gee, thanks, J.J.
340
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:53,593
All right.
Oh, wow, J.J.
341
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,764
I had no idea
you were a scientist too.
342
00:14:57,797 --> 00:15:01,368
Oh, just a little sideline
hobby of mine.
343
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,738
And, uh, please, mama,
no teeth there.
344
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,876
J.J., would you come
and test my soup
345
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,845
and see if it needs anything?
346
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,313
[CACKLES]
347
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:17,684
Oh, the sacrifices one must make
for one's family.
348
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:18,852
[CHUCKLES]
349
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:21,621
I'll just chip you off
a piece here.
350
00:15:30,864 --> 00:15:32,432
Mm.
351
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,703
Fine bouquet.
352
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,272
Not bad, Thelma.
353
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,975
Next time, a little lighter
on the concrete.
354
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,278
Oh, and, uh--
Oh, you're still here.
355
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:47,147
No. Mandy, Mandy, Mandy.
356
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,983
Didn't I promise you a few
fleeting moments on the couch?
357
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,419
Oh, yeah, J.J. Yeah.
358
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,987
[CLEARS THROAT]
359
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,124
Hey!
360
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,027
[GROANS]
361
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:03,463
What's the matter, J.J.?
362
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,465
Don't you find me
attractive?
363
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,568
Well, on a scale of one to 10,
364
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,205
you're about
a one and three-quarters.
365
00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,708
Oh, J.J.,
I'll try harder.
366
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,643
I promise.
Mm-hm.
367
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:20,280
Well, allow me, my dear.
368
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,919
[CLEARS THROAT]
369
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,587
Ha!
370
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:31,691
J.J., do you think Mandy
would like to stay for dinner?
371
00:16:31,725 --> 00:16:32,892
[LAUGHS]
372
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:34,828
Uh, no, Thelma.
373
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,430
She doesn't have any Blue Cross.
374
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:43,403
Besides, uh, Mandy has to
go home and change.
375
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,573
We're going dancing tonight.
376
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,175
Oh, yeah,
and I can hardly wait.
377
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:50,610
Let's get out of here.
378
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,078
Whoa!
379
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:53,313
[LAUGHS]
380
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,422
Michael, you go wash up
for dinner, okay?
381
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,423
Sure, Thelma.
382
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,891
I tell you,
that J.J. is so clever.
383
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:07,260
You know, I've been working
on this experiment all day,
384
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:08,828
and he got it right
the first time.
385
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,764
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
386
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:15,835
Hello.
387
00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:17,871
Last Chance Dating Service?
388
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:20,740
Yes, I called.
389
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,045
Uh-huh.
390
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:27,047
What are my requirements
for a date?
391
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,050
Well, he has to have
a cast-iron stomach.
392
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:32,052
And he can't be frightened
very easily,
393
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:33,486
you see, because...
394
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:42,162
Well, Penny, I'm back.
Are you ready to play house?
395
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:45,231
J.J., the baby's tired.
Would you rock it to sleep?
396
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,700
Sure.
397
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:50,236
[VOICE CRACKING]
* Lullaby *
398
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,539
* And good night *
399
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:57,210
* Everything be all right *
400
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,545
I tell you, J.J.,
401
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,747
you can sing, you can dance,
and you're a scientist.
402
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,449
Man, you should get
a Nobel Prize.
403
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:05,452
Yeah, and his taste buds
should be enshrined
404
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,653
in the Hall of Fame.
405
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,388
I heard that, Mom.
You tell him.
406
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,091
And you're the world's
greatest baby rocker.
407
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,259
Well, you know,
what can I say?
408
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,427
[CHUCKLES]
409
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,632
THELMA:
Fire!
410
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:20,734
Oh!
Hey, hey, hey.
411
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,035
J.J., save us, J.J.!
412
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:24,037
This place is on fire!
You gotta do something.
413
00:18:24,037 --> 00:18:25,672
Hey, hey, take it easy,
take it easy.
414
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,474
I'll handle it.
I'll handle it.
415
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,876
Everything is trumbowie
and bodacious.
416
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:32,779
And that's what happened.
417
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,849
See, after I put out the fire,
418
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,150
I came to the conclusion
419
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:39,352
because Michael's burner
was so close to the couch,
420
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:41,187
that's what set the couch
on fire.
421
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,223
I rest my case.
422
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:44,858
No, you won't.
It's overruled, J.J.
423
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:47,360
Now, that alcohol burner hasn't
been any closer to the couch
424
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:49,129
than it is right now.
425
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:52,065
Hey, wait a minute.
Maybe it was Mandy.
426
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:54,067
MICHAEL:
Yeah, she was
smoking a cigarette.
427
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,069
She sure was.
That girl was puffing 'em back.
428
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:57,871
She was like a chain smoker.
Chain smoker.
429
00:18:57,904 --> 00:18:59,706
Hold it. Hold it.
430
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:02,042
Mama, I didn't tell
my story.
431
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:03,043
Oh, Penny, that's okay.
432
00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:05,378
Wait. Now, hold it now, baby.
433
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:06,713
My baby wants to say something.
434
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,214
You go on and say it.
435
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,517
Isn't that sweet? She wants
to tell a little story too.
436
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:11,885
[LAUGHS]
437
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:14,220
Well, okay. No wild stories,
438
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,589
because I've had enough
of the wild stories
439
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,458
for the evening, okay?
440
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,659
Go on, baby.
It's the truth.
441
00:19:19,693 --> 00:19:20,760
Shh.
I promise.
442
00:19:20,794 --> 00:19:22,128
Okay.
Well,
443
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:23,697
after you dropped me off...
Mm-hm.
444
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,065
...I was playing with my doll,
445
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:26,599
and Michael was experimenting.
446
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,201
Michael, will you play house
with me?
447
00:19:28,234 --> 00:19:29,803
In a while, Penny.
Right now, I'm busy
448
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,905
with this chemistry experiment.
449
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,541
[APPLAUDS]
450
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,875
That's beautiful.
451
00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,711
Now can we play house?
No.
452
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,080
Why not?
Your water turned green.
453
00:19:40,113 --> 00:19:42,148
I know.
It's supposed to turn red.
454
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,051
Ah.
455
00:19:45,085 --> 00:19:48,288
Well, back
to the drawing board.
456
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:49,856
Thelma, will you play house
with me?
457
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,091
Well, I'd love to, Penny,
458
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:53,059
but I have to finish
making this soup.
459
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,127
Would you like to taste it?
460
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,162
No, thanks.
461
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:58,665
I have a perfect
attendance record at school,
462
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,500
and I don't want to spoil it.
Oh, Penny.
463
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,501
[LAUGHS]
464
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:05,038
Hey, everybody. We're home.
465
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,673
I want you all to meet Mandy.
466
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,508
Mandy, this is my brother,
Michael.
467
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:09,642
Nice to meet you, Mandy.
468
00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,011
MANDY:
Thank you.
469
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:14,080
And, uh, my old ugly sister
over there, Thelma,
470
00:20:14,114 --> 00:20:16,983
and our little neighbor,
Penny.
471
00:20:17,017 --> 00:20:19,185
J.J., will you play house
with me?
472
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,920
Uh, play house with you?
473
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:24,224
Penny, you see, you just
a little itty bitty tyke.
474
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,559
Mandy over here is a big girl.
475
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:29,429
I'd rather play house
with her.
476
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,430
[CLEARS THROAT]
477
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,631
What do you say we go over here
478
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,366
and sit down on the couch,
my dear?
479
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,634
Okay, for a minute.
480
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:36,903
I do need a cigarette.
481
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,039
Well, allow me.
482
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,141
[CHUCKLES]
483
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,784
Oh, I see.
484
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,887
Anyway, uh, Mandy,
485
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:54,954
have I ever told you
486
00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:57,090
that on a scale
of one to 10,
487
00:20:57,123 --> 00:21:00,593
you are a 250?
488
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,962
Constantly, J.J.
489
00:21:03,063 --> 00:21:04,931
[LAUGHS]
490
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,132
[COUGHS]
491
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:08,635
Mandy, would you like to stay
for dinner?
492
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,503
Oh, no, thank you, Thelma.
493
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,305
I've got to go home and change.
494
00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:14,107
J.J. and I
are going dancing tonight,
495
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,709
believe it or not.
496
00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:19,879
Yeah, so, uh, let me walk you
to the elevator, my dear.
497
00:21:19,913 --> 00:21:22,082
Okay. Uh, it was nice
to meet everybody.
498
00:21:22,082 --> 00:21:23,350
THELMA:
Nice meeting you too.
499
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:25,652
Yeah, nice meeting you.
Hang tough.
500
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:26,986
[DOOR CLOSES]
Well, Michael,
501
00:21:27,087 --> 00:21:28,621
go wash up for dinner, okay?
502
00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:29,823
Sure, Thelma.
503
00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:30,957
[BLOWS]
504
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:32,492
Call me when it's over.
505
00:21:32,525 --> 00:21:33,893
Very funny. Very--
506
00:21:33,927 --> 00:21:35,562
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
507
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:40,166
Hello.
508
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,370
Oh, hi, Virginia.
How you doing?
509
00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:46,673
What? You're going out
with Poppo?
510
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:49,409
Oh, my--
You know karate?
511
00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:51,311
Well, if you don't,
you'd better learn fast,
512
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:53,313
because let me tell you
about that man.
513
00:21:53,346 --> 00:21:55,181
He is a little bit too much...
[DOOR CLOSES]
514
00:22:15,268 --> 00:22:18,071
J.J., did you ever tell me
I was a 250?
515
00:22:20,407 --> 00:22:22,275
"Constantly."
516
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:25,578
[COUGHING]
517
00:22:25,612 --> 00:22:26,813
J.J.:
Okay.
518
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:28,114
I'll talk
to y'all later, man.
519
00:22:28,148 --> 00:22:29,683
Be hanging tough.
520
00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:32,185
[COUGHING]
521
00:22:32,218 --> 00:22:33,720
All right, Penny.
I'm back.
522
00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:35,655
I'm ready to play house.
523
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:38,291
J.J., do you like Mandy
better than me?
524
00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:41,294
Mandy?
I don't like Mandy at all.
525
00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:45,365
Then why are you going dancing
with her?
526
00:22:45,398 --> 00:22:47,100
I'm not going
dancing with her.
527
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:48,201
I just broke our date.
528
00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:50,236
I hate women that smoke.
529
00:22:51,304 --> 00:22:53,306
Now you tell me.
530
00:22:55,108 --> 00:22:56,443
Hey, Penny,
what's wrong?
531
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:58,144
You look sort of humdrum.
532
00:22:58,178 --> 00:22:59,245
Hey, between me and you,
533
00:22:59,279 --> 00:23:01,247
did you have any
of Thelma's soup?
534
00:23:01,281 --> 00:23:03,249
Hey, I heard that,
buddy.
535
00:23:03,283 --> 00:23:05,885
And for that, you're not
getting any dinner.
536
00:23:05,919 --> 00:23:07,487
You promise?
537
00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:13,193
Uh-oh! The couch!
538
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:14,761
What--?
Hey, Penny!
539
00:23:14,794 --> 00:23:16,162
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
540
00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:28,842
And that's how I put out
the fire.
541
00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,710
I dumped Thelma's soup on it.
542
00:23:30,744 --> 00:23:32,612
Oh, Penny,
543
00:23:32,645 --> 00:23:36,249
what you're really saying
is that you started the fire.
544
00:23:36,282 --> 00:23:37,550
I'm sorry, Mama.
545
00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:39,919
Those stupid cigarettes.
546
00:23:39,953 --> 00:23:42,522
They'll kill you one way
or they'll kill you another.
547
00:23:42,555 --> 00:23:44,724
Penny, do you know how serious
this could have been?
548
00:23:44,758 --> 00:23:46,593
The whole building
could have burned down.
549
00:23:46,626 --> 00:23:49,295
Everybody could have been burned
to death. Do you realize that?
550
00:23:49,329 --> 00:23:51,464
Yes.
Have you learned a lesson?
551
00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:53,800
Oh, I did. I promise
I won't do it again.
552
00:23:53,833 --> 00:23:54,834
Penny...
Okay.
553
00:23:54,868 --> 00:23:56,503
Why would you wanna do
something silly
554
00:23:56,536 --> 00:23:58,004
like smoking a cigarette
anyway?
555
00:23:58,104 --> 00:24:00,306
I wanted to be
like Mandy.
556
00:24:00,340 --> 00:24:04,210
I thought J.J. would like me
better.
557
00:24:04,244 --> 00:24:05,812
Penny, I do like you...
558
00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,881
when you're not burning up
our furniture.
559
00:24:09,382 --> 00:24:12,252
I just wanted
to be glamorous.
560
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:14,754
Penny, smoking
isn't glamorous.
561
00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:16,589
Look at me.
I don't smoke.
562
00:24:16,623 --> 00:24:18,658
Thelma, don't confuse the child.
563
00:24:23,897 --> 00:24:25,331
I'm sorry, everybody.
564
00:24:25,365 --> 00:24:27,801
That's all right, baby.
I'll take care of it.
565
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:30,970
That's all right, Willona.
We needed a new couch anyway.
566
00:24:31,071 --> 00:24:33,073
One good thing did come out
of all of this, though.
567
00:24:33,106 --> 00:24:34,407
What?
We got a chance
568
00:24:34,441 --> 00:24:36,643
to get rid
of Thelma's soup.
569
00:24:36,676 --> 00:24:39,212
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
570
00:24:50,623 --> 00:24:53,960
[***]
571
00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:57,564
* Mmm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm *
572
00:24:57,597 --> 00:25:00,867
* Just lookin'Out of the window *
573
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:04,604
* Watchin' the asphalt grow *
574
00:25:04,637 --> 00:25:08,241
* Thinkin' howIt all looks hand-me-down *
575
00:25:08,274 --> 00:25:10,043
* Good times ** Hey, yeah *
576
00:25:10,076 --> 00:25:11,378
* Good times *
577
00:25:11,411 --> 00:25:14,514
* Keepin' your headAbove water *
578
00:25:14,547 --> 00:25:17,317
* Makin' a waveWhen you can *
579
00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:19,252
* Temporary layoffs *
580
00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:20,720
* Good times *
581
00:25:20,754 --> 00:25:22,455
* Easy creditRip-offs *
582
00:25:22,489 --> 00:25:24,290
* Good times *
583
00:25:24,324 --> 00:25:27,627
ANNOUNCER:
Good Times was videotapedin front of a studio audience.
584
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:33,233
* Good times *
40457
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