All language subtitles for Spun Out s01e03 Unauthorized.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,322 --> 00:00:03,418 - (knocking) - Come in. 2 00:00:03,419 --> 00:00:05,510 Dave, you wanted to see me? 3 00:00:05,517 --> 00:00:07,884 Yes. Beckett, are you familiar with the author Harper Thomas? 4 00:00:08,012 --> 00:00:10,880 My literary hero? He's the reason I wanted to become a writer. 5 00:00:10,948 --> 00:00:14,284 I've read Gutter Alley a hundred times. I keep a copy in my desk. 6 00:00:14,352 --> 00:00:17,721 Well, I keep my copy, and then I keep 2 copies that bookend that copy. 7 00:00:17,788 --> 00:00:20,023 Still a little unclear. Do you know him? 8 00:00:20,091 --> 00:00:22,025 Nobody really knows him. 9 00:00:22,093 --> 00:00:24,094 After his first book came out, he became a total recluse. 10 00:00:24,128 --> 00:00:26,062 No one's seen him in a decade. 11 00:00:26,097 --> 00:00:28,131 Word is he bottles his own urine. 12 00:00:28,269 --> 00:00:30,303 Well... 13 00:00:30,370 --> 00:00:32,305 Beckett Ryan, 14 00:00:32,372 --> 00:00:34,774 - meet Harper Thomas. - (Beckett gasps.) 15 00:00:34,842 --> 00:00:37,010 Hello. 16 00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:41,547 Yeah, Harper is here because his second book 17 00:00:41,615 --> 00:00:43,582 - is about to be released... - (Beckett gasps.) 18 00:00:43,650 --> 00:00:46,598 And he has graciously agreed to do a public reading. 19 00:00:46,599 --> 00:00:47,239 (Beckett gasps.) 20 00:00:47,253 --> 00:00:51,056 And our firm is handling the event and you'll be his personal guide. 21 00:00:51,124 --> 00:00:54,026 And before you hyperventilate, perhaps Harper would like a cup of coffee? 22 00:00:54,093 --> 00:00:56,362 No, he likes tea. 23 00:00:56,396 --> 00:00:59,164 All of us writers know that he likes tea. I'll get it. 24 00:00:59,232 --> 00:01:01,834 - I'll get it. I'll get it. - Ok, go. Ok, good. 25 00:01:04,037 --> 00:01:07,272 I thought I was the socially inept one. 26 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:09,308 He's not gonna make a big deal 27 00:01:09,342 --> 00:01:11,310 out of me being here, is he? No, no, no, no. 28 00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:14,412 He's aware that you're a very private man and he's a professional. 29 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,782 HARPER THOMAS IS HERE! HARPER THOMAS IS HERE! 30 00:01:20,453 --> 00:01:22,754 Thank you, thank you, thank you! 31 00:01:22,822 --> 00:01:27,325 - I love you. - No! 32 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:31,763 Harper Thomas is here! 33 00:01:31,797 --> 00:01:35,333 He's tall for a teenage girl. 34 00:01:36,635 --> 00:01:40,171 Fill the lens 35 00:01:40,205 --> 00:01:43,241 With all your friends 36 00:01:43,275 --> 00:01:48,612 Oh now is forever 37 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,615 Come on, fill the lens 38 00:01:51,649 --> 00:01:53,717 With all your friends 39 00:01:53,718 --> 00:01:55,033 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 40 00:01:57,816 --> 00:02:01,285 Oh! Somebody tagged me on Facebook again. 41 00:02:01,319 --> 00:02:04,922 This better be a cute one. 42 00:02:04,956 --> 00:02:08,558 Nel-SON! Why do you keep tagging me 43 00:02:08,592 --> 00:02:10,860 in ugly photos? It's embarrassing! 44 00:02:10,895 --> 00:02:12,862 Well, you just answered your own question. 45 00:02:12,897 --> 00:02:15,065 That's my thing. I find the worst photos of people, 46 00:02:15,099 --> 00:02:18,435 tag them for sport and then release them back into the wild. 47 00:02:18,502 --> 00:02:22,872 Well, quit it. I can't spend half my day untagging myself in stupid pictures! 48 00:02:22,907 --> 00:02:25,374 Yet, you leave up all the ones of you making that duck face. 49 00:02:25,443 --> 00:02:28,177 Duck face is my go-to! 50 00:02:30,113 --> 00:02:33,583 I don't think you know how bad that actually makes you look. 51 00:02:33,617 --> 00:02:35,418 That's not duck face. 52 00:02:35,486 --> 00:02:38,721 This is. 53 00:02:38,756 --> 00:02:41,289 Sorry, Stephanie, you just don't have the bone structure. 54 00:02:45,846 --> 00:02:48,948 - Oh, hey, Gordon, make yourself comfortable. - Ok! 55 00:02:59,492 --> 00:03:02,093 You know, Gordon, I think you misunderstood me. When I said, 56 00:03:02,161 --> 00:03:04,062 "Make yourself comfortable", I meant: sit in that chair, 57 00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:07,799 listen to me... with pants on. 58 00:03:07,867 --> 00:03:09,667 Oh! 59 00:03:09,735 --> 00:03:12,704 Ok, but you need to be more specific. 60 00:03:12,771 --> 00:03:16,074 I heard from your client, Falafel Zone, today. 61 00:03:16,142 --> 00:03:18,210 They have an assignment for you. 62 00:03:18,244 --> 00:03:20,045 Yeah, now see, they're losing some market share, 63 00:03:20,112 --> 00:03:22,179 so they would like you to come up with a concept 64 00:03:22,214 --> 00:03:25,182 that they can leverage over multiple platforms becau... 65 00:03:27,052 --> 00:03:29,786 They want you to come up with an idea. 66 00:03:29,821 --> 00:03:32,156 Oh, ok. 67 00:03:32,224 --> 00:03:33,457 Hm... 68 00:03:33,491 --> 00:03:36,660 Oh, I think cheese should have handles. 69 00:03:38,629 --> 00:03:41,298 No, an idea about falafel. 70 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:43,334 Falafels with handles? 71 00:03:43,368 --> 00:03:47,170 Ha! I'm sorry, Dave, that's a bit of a non-starter. 72 00:03:47,238 --> 00:03:50,240 Gordon, I really need you to concentrate. 73 00:03:50,274 --> 00:03:52,475 - And no procrastination. - You know me, Dave, 74 00:03:52,509 --> 00:03:54,844 I don't procrastinate. I have a process. 75 00:03:54,879 --> 00:03:57,480 - Great! Gordon... - Shhh! 76 00:03:57,547 --> 00:03:59,482 Process, Dave. 77 00:03:59,516 --> 00:04:02,785 Process. Shh... 78 00:04:04,721 --> 00:04:06,821 Hate to ask you this, but... 79 00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:09,024 - would you mind signing my book? - No, no, no, no. 80 00:04:09,092 --> 00:04:10,792 I'm sorry, I don't sign autographs. 81 00:04:10,826 --> 00:04:12,961 I consider my words to be a part of my soul, 82 00:04:13,029 --> 00:04:15,297 and I try not to give pieces of my soul away to strangers. 83 00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:20,602 I suppose a lock of your hair is out of the question? 84 00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:23,705 I don't have much hair, so... 85 00:04:23,739 --> 00:04:25,494 - Everywhere? - What? 86 00:04:25,495 --> 00:04:26,495 Yeah, too far. 87 00:04:30,045 --> 00:04:32,380 Hi. You must be Harper Thomas. I'm Stephanie Lyons. 88 00:04:32,414 --> 00:04:34,949 I read your book in college. It's an honour to meet you. 89 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:38,052 - Can I get your autograph? - Uh, those are just the CliffsNotes. 90 00:04:38,086 --> 00:04:40,521 Are you sure you don't just want his initials? 91 00:04:40,555 --> 00:04:42,489 I loved the gist of your story. 92 00:04:42,524 --> 00:04:44,959 (inaudible words) 93 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:47,394 Harper doesn't do autographs. 94 00:04:47,428 --> 00:04:50,063 - (inaudible whispering) - Huh. Harper does do autographs. 95 00:04:50,097 --> 00:04:54,401 Oh! 96 00:04:54,435 --> 00:04:57,470 Ok. 97 00:04:57,538 --> 00:05:00,373 Sign there. 98 00:05:00,408 --> 00:05:03,476 - (indistinct whispering) - Ok. 99 00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:06,578 - There you are. - Thank you. 100 00:05:06,646 --> 00:05:09,514 - I will cherish this. - Hey, Duck Face. 101 00:05:09,582 --> 00:05:11,383 You checked your Facebook page lately? 102 00:05:11,418 --> 00:05:13,919 Nelson, if you don't stop tagging me, I will end you! 103 00:05:16,356 --> 00:05:18,424 - Missed me. - You... 104 00:05:21,962 --> 00:05:24,528 I know it looks like I do, 105 00:05:24,596 --> 00:05:28,066 but I don't care that she threw that. 106 00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:33,104 Can I get another? Oh, and some more hot water 107 00:05:33,138 --> 00:05:38,576 - for my fellow writer's tea? - Yeah, because the tip on hot water is huge. 108 00:05:38,643 --> 00:05:41,245 So, where have you been hiding the last 10 years? 109 00:05:41,313 --> 00:05:44,448 Inside my house... 110 00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:46,650 - writing this. - (Beckett gasps.) 111 00:05:46,718 --> 00:05:49,019 That's the last one, promise. 112 00:05:49,053 --> 00:05:51,522 I wrote a page a week for 10 years. 113 00:05:51,556 --> 00:05:54,692 It's like being the first person to see the Holy Grail. 114 00:05:54,726 --> 00:05:57,194 Yes, it is. 115 00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:00,529 - May I? - No no no no. 116 00:06:00,530 --> 00:06:02,500 I'm not allowed to let anyone read it until it's released. 117 00:06:02,501 --> 00:06:05,067 - I know. I only wanted to smell it. - Nope. 118 00:06:05,135 --> 00:06:07,470 Touch it? 119 00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:11,240 Ok. 120 00:06:11,308 --> 00:06:14,142 - Hey, hey, hey, hey! - Alright, sorry. 121 00:06:14,176 --> 00:06:17,245 Sorry. I can't wait for your reading. 122 00:06:17,313 --> 00:06:19,381 You know, it sold out in about 10 minutes. 123 00:06:19,448 --> 00:06:21,349 Did you say 124 00:06:21,417 --> 00:06:23,351 s... s... sold out? 125 00:06:23,419 --> 00:06:26,622 You have a huge cult following. I'm surprised you didn't know that. 126 00:06:26,689 --> 00:06:29,825 I've been living in isolation for a decade. I stopped receiving faxes 8 years ago. 127 00:06:29,893 --> 00:06:31,627 Thank you. 128 00:06:34,362 --> 00:06:35,588 I thought you didn't drink. 129 00:06:35,589 --> 00:06:37,630 And I thought I'd be reading to 5 elderly people 130 00:06:37,633 --> 00:06:39,567 on a break from a mall walk! Excuse me. 131 00:06:39,635 --> 00:06:41,669 Oops! Oh! Oh! 132 00:06:41,703 --> 00:06:43,738 Hmm. Hey, it's fine, 133 00:06:43,805 --> 00:06:45,940 I'll drink it from the tray. 134 00:06:52,213 --> 00:06:55,148 I like it when my cat goes... 135 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:58,752 * I like it when my cat goes... * * Woof, woof! * 136 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:01,387 * I like it when my cat goes. * 137 00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,690 * I like it when my cat goes... * Ah-ah-ah-ah * 138 00:07:03,758 --> 00:07:05,358 139 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,527 (voice sped up) 140 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:14,100 (voice slowed down) * I like it when my cat goes... * 141 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,403 Gordon, what the hell are you doing!? 142 00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:20,273 I'm looping. It's part of the process. 143 00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:23,042 And what does this have to do with Falafel Zone? 144 00:07:23,077 --> 00:07:26,212 I think that's pretty clear, Dave. Nothing. 145 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,881 You know, Gordon, 146 00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:31,250 a client comes to us 'cause they need something. 147 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:34,287 If we don't provide that something that they need, 148 00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:37,022 then I may have to take drastic action. 149 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,958 You're not going to quit, are you? 150 00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,992 No, I'm not going to quit! 151 00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:44,729 But if you keep this up, I may have to f-f-fire you! 152 00:07:44,763 --> 00:07:47,599 - F-f-fire you! - Oh, Gordon! 153 00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:49,534 Phat beats, Dave. 154 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,970 Woof, woof! Woof, woof! 155 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:54,739 * I like it when my cat goes. * * Woof, woof! Woof, woof! * 156 00:07:54,773 --> 00:07:59,144 (laughing hysterically) 157 00:08:01,146 --> 00:08:03,981 - Harper... - Hey, Bobcat! 158 00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:05,583 Beckett. 159 00:08:05,617 --> 00:08:08,051 Heh, heh! I miss us, man. 160 00:08:08,086 --> 00:08:10,321 Hey, I have a great idea. We should fight. 161 00:08:10,355 --> 00:08:11,892 - Oh... - We should have a fight. 162 00:08:11,893 --> 00:08:13,850 What we got over here? A little worm? 163 00:08:13,858 --> 00:08:16,460 HEY! I'm a friend! 164 00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:19,163 Oh, this is fun. This is great. 165 00:08:19,197 --> 00:08:21,464 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, I read your book. 166 00:08:21,499 --> 00:08:24,601 (laughing) My what!? 167 00:08:24,635 --> 00:08:27,504 You know, that thing you spent the last 10 years of your life writing? 168 00:08:29,273 --> 00:08:31,441 Get out of here, man. 169 00:08:31,475 --> 00:08:33,776 No, look, I'm telling you, 170 00:08:33,810 --> 00:08:36,346 I got the same feeling reading that one as I did the first one. 171 00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:38,515 It's like a sequel that doesn't disappoint. 172 00:08:38,549 --> 00:08:40,617 What? 173 00:08:40,684 --> 00:08:43,953 - Congrats, man. - I just wasted 174 00:08:43,987 --> 00:08:47,089 10 years of my life writing the same book 2 times! 175 00:08:47,124 --> 00:08:49,892 - What? - I am a failure... 176 00:08:49,926 --> 00:08:53,295 and a hack. And that book can never be released. 177 00:08:53,363 --> 00:08:56,766 No. No, no. I never said that. When did I say that? I didn't say that! 178 00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:59,835 Well, you didn't not say that. 179 00:08:59,903 --> 00:09:02,937 Only my best friend... 180 00:09:02,972 --> 00:09:07,108 could serve me up truth salad. 181 00:09:07,177 --> 00:09:09,144 Truth salad 182 00:09:09,212 --> 00:09:12,147 with croutons of insight. 183 00:09:12,215 --> 00:09:13,649 No, no. 184 00:09:13,716 --> 00:09:16,218 I WANT TO BE ALONE! 185 00:09:16,286 --> 00:09:18,987 Harper... Oh no, that's not a good idea. 186 00:09:19,055 --> 00:09:20,955 Harper, Harper, wait! 187 00:09:21,023 --> 00:09:23,124 Hold my faxes. 188 00:09:29,431 --> 00:09:31,399 No, no, no, 189 00:09:31,433 --> 00:09:35,336 no, no, no. You did not post a Vine of me trying to swallow my vitamins! 190 00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:37,338 Well, it's up for Vine of the day. 191 00:09:37,406 --> 00:09:41,009 I'm gonna make you a star! A blinking, swallowing star! 192 00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:44,544 - Ugh! - Face it. You're just not photogenic. 193 00:09:44,612 --> 00:09:47,681 Yes, I am! Take a picture of me right now. 194 00:09:51,052 --> 00:09:53,854 Dammit! What happened to my neck? 195 00:09:53,922 --> 00:09:55,989 You know, Nelson, two can play at this game. 196 00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:59,026 Oh, I don't think so. See, I have a facial recognition app. 197 00:09:59,094 --> 00:10:02,662 It detects and deletes any unflattering images of me. 198 00:10:02,697 --> 00:10:04,663 It's the same technology that has the world fooled 199 00:10:04,698 --> 00:10:07,900 into thinking that George Clooney is still attractive. 200 00:10:07,968 --> 00:10:09,769 Wow! 201 00:10:09,803 --> 00:10:11,871 I know, it's pretty smart, huh? 202 00:10:11,939 --> 00:10:14,273 Also, I had my parents sign waivers, 203 00:10:14,307 --> 00:10:18,111 and if they upload anything without my approval, I own their house. 204 00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:25,550 Oh, hi, Dave... listen, I went to every bar in town... 205 00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:29,855 everyone says "hi"... but I couldn't find him. 206 00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:32,390 Where would he be headed? I think... 207 00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:35,326 Oh, you want me beheaded. 208 00:10:35,394 --> 00:10:37,863 Is that a Bobcat? 209 00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:41,032 Ha, ha, ha! Yes, I was just messing with you. 210 00:10:41,067 --> 00:10:43,001 Like I do... 211 00:10:43,035 --> 00:10:44,402 Ok, I'll see you tomorrow. 212 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,204 - Harper? Are you alright? - I'm fine, man. 213 00:10:47,239 --> 00:10:48,985 How did you get in here? 214 00:10:49,526 --> 00:10:51,170 And why are you wearing my roommate's robe? 215 00:10:51,176 --> 00:10:52,910 Oh, my God, what did you do to Abby? 216 00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,079 Awww, it's my Bobcat! 217 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,448 - There she is! - Wait a minute... 218 00:10:57,483 --> 00:10:59,450 Did you guys... ? 219 00:10:59,485 --> 00:11:02,820 I had to. She is my muse. 220 00:11:02,854 --> 00:11:06,991 - You know me and writers. - All too well. 221 00:11:07,025 --> 00:11:11,428 Oh! Tell him about your new book idea. 222 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:14,665 The new book? What about the book that took you 10 years to write? 223 00:11:14,699 --> 00:11:16,700 Come on, man, stop worrying! 224 00:11:16,768 --> 00:11:18,903 This guy is always worrying about stuff. 225 00:11:18,937 --> 00:11:20,671 - Because you're such a worrier! - Alright! 226 00:11:20,705 --> 00:11:23,773 I'm already started! Do you have any idea how fast 227 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,342 you can write when you're too drunk to obsess over 228 00:11:26,376 --> 00:11:29,612 every sentence or remember to put in punctuation? 229 00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:34,383 - Yeah. - It's about a werewolf and a vampire. 230 00:11:34,418 --> 00:11:37,220 They're together, that's the hook. Boom! 231 00:11:37,288 --> 00:11:40,089 - Do you guys mind if I crash here? - Yeah, for sure, 232 00:11:40,124 --> 00:11:42,825 but can you sleep with Beckett? You just cuddle way too much. 233 00:11:42,859 --> 00:11:46,461 Looks like we're gonna be bedmates! 234 00:11:46,495 --> 00:11:48,563 But I should warn you: 235 00:11:48,631 --> 00:11:50,999 - I'm a sleep puncher. - Oh... 236 00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:54,169 - Oh! Ok. - AH! 237 00:11:54,237 --> 00:11:56,471 (laughing) 238 00:11:56,539 --> 00:11:59,541 (He snores.) 239 00:12:01,376 --> 00:12:03,410 Oh! (Harper grunting) 240 00:12:09,179 --> 00:12:13,115 I hurt everywhere. 241 00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:17,052 I can feel my blood scraping trough my veins. 242 00:12:17,119 --> 00:12:19,321 You're not just a good sleep puncher... 243 00:12:19,389 --> 00:12:21,690 you're also good at trying to stick my bedside lamp 244 00:12:21,757 --> 00:12:25,394 in places it does not belong. 245 00:12:25,428 --> 00:12:27,862 - Yeah, sit down. - Yeah. 246 00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:30,065 (heavy sigh) Easy. 247 00:12:30,099 --> 00:12:32,668 (He snores.) 248 00:12:32,735 --> 00:12:35,170 How does he do that? 249 00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:39,774 Is he dead? 250 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:42,543 - No. - Alright, we'll wheel him into my office 251 00:12:42,578 --> 00:12:44,545 and keep him there until it's time for the reading. 252 00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:47,415 He's not going to be reading his second book. 253 00:12:47,482 --> 00:12:50,384 Oh, why not? 254 00:12:50,452 --> 00:12:54,288 Because he wrote... this. 255 00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:57,725 What the hell happened!? I thought you idolized this man. 256 00:12:57,792 --> 00:13:01,362 Is there some reason you're trying to murder him and our company's reputation? 257 00:13:01,430 --> 00:13:04,131 Look, Dave, trust me. I've got this handled, alright? 258 00:13:04,199 --> 00:13:06,033 I'm not gonna let anything happen to Harper. 259 00:13:06,101 --> 00:13:09,837 (Harper groaning) Let's get cr?pes. 260 00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:17,878 - Ta! Ta! Ta! Ta! Shh... - Oh... 261 00:13:17,946 --> 00:13:20,413 - How's Harper? - He's sleeping like a little baby. 262 00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:23,050 I held a sleeping baby once. 263 00:13:23,118 --> 00:13:26,286 But then the mall security made me give it back. 264 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,722 (in a low voice): Get out of here! 265 00:13:31,626 --> 00:13:34,961 Congratulations! Your duck face has gone viral. 266 00:13:34,995 --> 00:13:37,464 Well... tag, you're it! 267 00:13:37,498 --> 00:13:39,766 Beckett gave me your high school yearbook. 268 00:13:39,833 --> 00:13:41,735 (sigh) Do I look worried? 269 00:13:41,802 --> 00:13:46,105 No? You should. Your mustache looks like it has a mullet! 270 00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:47,906 That's the janitor. 271 00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:51,577 A bit racist. 272 00:13:51,611 --> 00:13:54,880 Besides, you can look all you want, you're not going to find anything. 273 00:13:54,914 --> 00:13:57,383 That's the whole reason that I was yearbook editor: 274 00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:59,918 to make sure that this day would never arrive. 275 00:13:59,952 --> 00:14:03,422 Hey! Could you two keep it down? 276 00:14:03,456 --> 00:14:05,223 Harper is trying to sleep. 277 00:14:05,258 --> 00:14:08,359 He's punching like a little angel. 278 00:14:08,394 --> 00:14:12,697 Great news! I cured my hangover! 279 00:14:14,633 --> 00:14:18,703 - By getting drunk? - No! No, no, no, no, no... 280 00:14:18,737 --> 00:14:23,040 By getting obliterated! 281 00:14:23,108 --> 00:14:26,877 I used this... to finish this. 282 00:14:26,912 --> 00:14:28,879 Harper, you're feeling better? 283 00:14:28,914 --> 00:14:30,915 The best, Dave! 284 00:14:30,949 --> 00:14:33,150 Thanks to your boy here. 285 00:14:33,218 --> 00:14:36,020 Well... give my boy a raise. (laughs) 286 00:14:36,054 --> 00:14:39,256 - Oh and I drank the rest of your liquor. - Oh, there goes that raise! 287 00:14:39,324 --> 00:14:43,460 - And I'm not releasing my book. - And why don't you clean out your desk? 288 00:14:43,494 --> 00:14:46,997 Instead, I will be previewing 289 00:14:47,032 --> 00:14:51,100 my new-new book at the bar-bar. Bar... 290 00:14:51,168 --> 00:14:54,003 It's about vampires 291 00:14:54,071 --> 00:14:56,940 and wait for it... 292 00:14:56,974 --> 00:14:59,309 (He snores.) 293 00:14:59,344 --> 00:15:02,646 werewolves! 294 00:15:02,714 --> 00:15:05,649 I've created a new genre. 295 00:15:08,619 --> 00:15:10,953 If he extends the life of that genre, 296 00:15:10,987 --> 00:15:13,556 I will destroy everything that you hold dear. 297 00:15:13,623 --> 00:15:17,526 Yep, fair enough! 298 00:15:18,995 --> 00:15:22,030 I'd like to give a shout out to all my muses in the audience tonight. 299 00:15:22,098 --> 00:15:24,867 - My sex buddy, Abby. - That's me! 300 00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:28,838 - My working girl, Stephanie. - (delighted exclamation) 301 00:15:28,905 --> 00:15:32,407 - And the best PR man in the business, Bobcat. - It's me. 302 00:15:32,475 --> 00:15:36,778 Tonight, I will be reading from my new book... 303 00:15:36,846 --> 00:15:40,415 The Vampire Who Loved a Werewolf... 304 00:15:40,483 --> 00:15:42,550 a Lot. 305 00:15:42,618 --> 00:15:45,353 Chapter one. 306 00:15:45,388 --> 00:15:48,623 (howling) 307 00:15:53,195 --> 00:15:55,397 Chapter two. 308 00:15:57,465 --> 00:15:59,466 "Their coming together was perfect. 309 00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:04,738 He would not be able to go out into the daytime... 310 00:16:04,773 --> 00:16:08,709 because he's a vampire... 311 00:16:08,743 --> 00:16:10,912 and she preferred it, 312 00:16:10,946 --> 00:16:13,915 to make love underneath the full moon." 313 00:16:16,484 --> 00:16:18,786 Harper, you have to stop. You're making a fool out of yourself. 314 00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:21,388 - Shut up. Sit down. - Ok. 10-4. 315 00:16:24,793 --> 00:16:26,727 "And she woke up, 316 00:16:26,761 --> 00:16:30,397 because it was all... a dream." 317 00:16:33,301 --> 00:16:35,268 (inaudible words) 318 00:16:35,303 --> 00:16:39,339 Man, what a twist! So none of that even happened? 319 00:16:39,407 --> 00:16:41,941 (camera click) 320 00:16:41,975 --> 00:16:44,109 Harper, you can't release that. 321 00:16:44,144 --> 00:16:46,111 Come on, you're just jealous 322 00:16:46,146 --> 00:16:48,080 because I'm a real writer and you're stuck working in PR. 323 00:16:48,114 --> 00:16:51,918 - I like my job. - (Harper chuckles.) 324 00:16:51,952 --> 00:16:55,254 Good! Because you're gonna be stuck doing it for a long time. 325 00:16:55,288 --> 00:16:58,257 Oh, hey, hey, Bobcat! I have an idea, let's have a fight. 326 00:16:58,291 --> 00:17:00,860 Let's fight each other. I'm not fighting you. 327 00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,861 Ok, cool. Oh, by the way, I read your book. 328 00:17:02,895 --> 00:17:05,497 Yeah, yeah... it's middling at best. 329 00:17:05,531 --> 00:17:07,666 Alright, well... now, we're saying things we don't mean... 330 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:10,001 And writing things that aren't good. 331 00:17:10,035 --> 00:17:12,637 Ok, yeah. You know what? 332 00:17:12,672 --> 00:17:15,039 I see what you're doing, and there's nothing you can say 333 00:17:15,074 --> 00:17:18,042 - that is gonna make me fight you. - Fight! Fight! Fight him! Fight! Fight! Fight! 334 00:17:18,077 --> 00:17:21,946 - Boys, maybe we should calm down. We're all friends here. - Yeah, we're all grown-ups. 335 00:17:21,980 --> 00:17:25,349 Ok, alright, alright, alright. No fight. Ok? 336 00:17:25,383 --> 00:17:29,019 - Just play a game instead. Duck, Duck, Goose! - (Stephanie gasps.) 337 00:17:29,087 --> 00:17:32,389 - Hey! - Ah! What did you do that for? 338 00:17:32,423 --> 00:17:35,926 - Sorry, I didn't mean... I wasn't... Sorry. - No, no, it's my fault, I'm... 339 00:17:35,994 --> 00:17:37,612 - Truce, ok? - Yeah. 340 00:17:37,613 --> 00:17:38,613 Alright. 341 00:17:39,163 --> 00:17:42,199 "Hey! My name's Bobcat, 342 00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:44,968 - and I like my job!" - I kind of like my job. 343 00:17:45,003 --> 00:17:47,004 (Harper laughing mockingly) 344 00:17:47,071 --> 00:17:49,873 I'm the greatest novelist of the 21st century! 345 00:17:49,907 --> 00:17:53,276 (howling) 346 00:17:58,016 --> 00:18:01,485 (telephone ringing) 347 00:18:01,552 --> 00:18:04,587 Gordon, that's Falafel Zone calling. 348 00:18:04,622 --> 00:18:06,689 - I'm not ready. - They're calling to hear 349 00:18:06,757 --> 00:18:08,791 - your idea, you better be ready. - I'm not ready! 350 00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:11,528 - You have to be ready, Gordon. Gordon, just answer the phone. - I can't. My mouth is full. 351 00:18:11,562 --> 00:18:13,830 - Answer the phone, Gordon. - I don't know how! 352 00:18:13,898 --> 00:18:17,500 I am not answering your phone, Gordon. I am not answering your phone! I am not answering 353 00:18:17,568 --> 00:18:20,069 - the damn phone! Alright! - I'm not answering. NOOO! 354 00:18:20,137 --> 00:18:23,171 DLPR. Dave Lyons speaking, for some reason. 355 00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:26,708 Yes, you're calling for Gordon. Yes, I understand, 356 00:18:26,776 --> 00:18:29,611 you want to hear his ideas. Well, hold on just one second. 357 00:18:29,679 --> 00:18:33,181 - Gordon, take it. - No! No! I got NOTHING! 358 00:18:33,249 --> 00:18:35,083 You better come up with something. 359 00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:37,052 No, it's not my fault! I kept having to leave every half hour 360 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:41,056 to get a new falafel. And you keep stifling my process. 361 00:18:41,090 --> 00:18:43,390 - Gordon! - (Gordon grunts.) 362 00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:46,093 (Gordon sighs.) 363 00:18:46,161 --> 00:18:49,229 It would be so much easier if we could just order them online 364 00:18:49,297 --> 00:18:51,566 and have them deliver to your door, like pizza. 365 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,634 Oooh, in pizza boxes! 366 00:18:53,702 --> 00:18:56,971 Did you hear that? 367 00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:59,139 Yes, I think it's a brilliant idea as well. 368 00:18:59,207 --> 00:19:01,809 No, no, you're right. I am very fortunate 369 00:19:01,877 --> 00:19:03,977 to work with such a... 370 00:19:04,045 --> 00:19:06,947 talented man. 371 00:19:07,014 --> 00:19:10,016 Alright, thanks very much. 372 00:19:10,051 --> 00:19:12,052 Well, Gordon, twice a year, you prove to me 373 00:19:12,087 --> 00:19:15,255 - I'm right for keeping you here. - See you in 6 months, Dave. 374 00:19:15,290 --> 00:19:18,559 Alright. Oh, and Gordon, pants up. 375 00:19:18,626 --> 00:19:22,428 - Oh, come on! - Now! 376 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:27,100 - Ah, Harper! - Alright, look, I'm here. 377 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,069 But if you're gonna try to turn me back 378 00:19:29,136 --> 00:19:31,071 into that timid turtle of a man, you can just forget it. 379 00:19:31,138 --> 00:19:34,240 Wouldn't think about it. We here at DLPR support our clients, 380 00:19:34,308 --> 00:19:36,810 even if they want to use their world class talent to turn out 381 00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:40,747 - mass market pulp fiction. - Ok. Good, good, good. 382 00:19:40,781 --> 00:19:43,348 Because I'll tell you what. Getting drunk and writing a book 383 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:45,350 in one day then getting laid sure beats 384 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,352 sitting alone in a room for 10 years. 385 00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:51,957 It sure does. You know, your new book is so different from your first too. 386 00:19:51,992 --> 00:19:54,927 It's so much more... commercial, which is why 387 00:19:54,995 --> 00:19:58,664 you'll be spending the next 2 years of your life doing this! 388 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,866 What the hell is this? 389 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,002 This is your new life. Shopping malls, 390 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:07,539 - college campuses, book tours... - Hmmm, no, no, no book tours. 391 00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:11,075 Oh yeah! Every night, 1500, 2500-seat venues. 392 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:14,479 - No, no. I can't do that. - Well, that is the life 393 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,748 of a guy who writes vampire novels. 394 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,987 Something wrong? 395 00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:26,624 No, I'm good. 396 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,459 Harper... 397 00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:31,729 Hey, you could always see through me, Bobcat. 398 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,902 - I'm scared. - Scared of what? 399 00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:40,672 That my second book won't live up to my first. 400 00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:42,807 That perhaps I only have one great novel in me. 401 00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:45,843 Well, I know for a fact that you already have two. 402 00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:48,212 And according to you, I don't even have one. 403 00:20:48,246 --> 00:20:52,248 But I'm not giving up, so you shouldn't either. 404 00:20:52,316 --> 00:20:54,651 Thank you. 405 00:20:54,686 --> 00:20:56,653 Look, uh... 406 00:20:56,721 --> 00:20:58,822 the comment I made about your book... 407 00:20:58,856 --> 00:21:02,292 - Ah, forget it, I know you didn't mean it. - Oh, yes, I did. 408 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,995 But, you know, if you have anything else... 409 00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:07,030 - Really? - Sure. 410 00:21:07,098 --> 00:21:09,286 'Cause it just so happens I've been working on a short story. 411 00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:11,865 It's about a Ukrainian baba who... 412 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,872 It's... it's really more of an outline. 413 00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:19,375 - We can probably expense that. - Oh, really? 414 00:21:24,358 --> 00:21:27,226 Did you have fun hanging out with Harper Thomas this week? 415 00:21:27,261 --> 00:21:29,728 Yeah, but I like hanging out with you guys better. 416 00:21:29,763 --> 00:21:32,365 Yeah, we're pretty good friends. Pretty boy, move it 417 00:21:32,399 --> 00:21:35,000 or we're leaving without you! 418 00:21:35,034 --> 00:21:37,536 Oh, you're just in a bad mood 419 00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:39,872 because you couldn't find a bad picture of me. 420 00:21:39,939 --> 00:21:41,807 Yes, you're right. 421 00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:43,809 There are no bad photos of you in existence. 422 00:21:43,877 --> 00:21:45,911 I looked through Facebook, 423 00:21:45,945 --> 00:21:47,913 Myspace, Tumblr, Instagram, 424 00:21:47,947 --> 00:21:51,650 - YouTube... even tried Linkedln. - Wow! You were desperate. 425 00:21:51,718 --> 00:21:53,785 - Hmm. - Told you. 426 00:21:53,819 --> 00:21:55,753 Hey, by the way, 427 00:21:55,788 --> 00:21:57,755 your grandma is really nice. 428 00:21:57,790 --> 00:21:59,824 My grandma? 429 00:22:05,059 --> 00:22:10,825 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 430 00:22:10,875 --> 00:22:15,425 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33318

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.