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[
]
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ANNOUNCER:
This is the story of two sisters:
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Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell.
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Jessica lives in a neighbourhoodknown as rich.
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Jessica likes life.
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The only thing about lifeshe would change, if she could,
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is that she would set itall to music.
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The Tates have more secretsthan they do money.
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We're approachingMary Campbell's house.
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Mary, too, likes life.
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Unfortunately, life doesn't seemto be too crazy about her.
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As you can see, the Campbellsdon't have nearly as much money
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as the Tates.
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They do, however,have as many secrets.
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In last week's episode of Soap,
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Jodie checked into the hospitalto become a girl
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and wound up meeting a girlwho would like him to stay a guy.
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Danny has been running aroundin disguises, running from the Mob.
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So far, Danny has not been caught,
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but Chester has been.
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Jessica met Mary for lunchand saw him kissing Claire.
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Confused? You won't beafter this week's episode of Soap.
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We begin this week's episodeof Soap,
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shortly after Jessica and Marysaw Chester and Claire.
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Oh, Mary, thank you so much
for coming home with me.
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Feeling any better? Good.
Uh-huh.
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I really feel like such a fool, Mary.
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I mean, all those years
of not believing,
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and I...
I still find it hard to believe.
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Not that I don't believe it, Mary.
I mean I do believe it.
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I saw it with my very own eyes.
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It was Chester and Claire
and he was kissing her.
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And do you know
what is really funny, Mary?
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Chester doesn't even like to kiss.
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Don't keep going over it, Jess.
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You know what, Mary?
I think we're cursed.
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Who?
Us. All of us.
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I think that there is a curse
on this family.
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Well, if there isn't, there should be.
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Benson? Do you know where we keep
the family photo album?
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Yeah.
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Oh, good. Would you mind
bringing it to me?
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Why do you wanna look
at those depressing pictures for?
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Benson, they're family photographs.
They are depressing.
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A bunch of ugly people
in old clothes.
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And then you got those
dried-up, pressed flowers
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that fall out all over the place.
And then the pictures crumble and you cry.
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Every time you look at those pictures,
I gotta do the floor.
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Mary, I think I am on to something.
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I think that in those pictures,
we'll find the answer.
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Mary, did you see The Omen?
No.
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Well, I mean, nobody believed
Lee Remick
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when she said that her son was
the devil and he was trying to kill her.
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And you know what happened?
He killed her.
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And then, I mean, uh,
of course everyone said:
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"Well, she was right."
But, I mean, it did her a lot of good.
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She was dead by then. Heh.
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Oh, thank you, Benson.
Thank you, thank you. Oh.
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Oh. Look at this. Oh.
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Gee, I... I-I'm sorry, Benson. I...
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Look. Mary, look.
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Randolph.
And where is Randolph, Mary?
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Jessie,
no one knows where Randolph is.
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Exactly. Our brother... Our brother
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who fathered an illegitimate child
with a Swedish maid
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and then disappeared
into the wilds of Ecuador.
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Don't you think that's peculiar?
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Jessie, Randolph was peculiar.
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No, Mary, he wasn't. He was cursed.
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Jessie, Randolph wasn't cursed,
he was nuts.
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Any man who would go to Ecuador
to sell wall-to-wall carpet
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is not all there.
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Mary, look at this.
Who's that?
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Well, I don't know who it is, Mary,
but I saw The Exorcist,
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and that face is worse.
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Oh, that's Mr. Tate.
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Oh, my god, Mary, it is. It's Chester.
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Yeah, on your wedding day.
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It is not, Benson.
It's our Halloween party
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because I'm dressed
as Chiquita Banana.
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Do you think I'd wear bananas
on my head to a wedding?
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Don't ask me.
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I wish I knew someone
that removes curses.
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Jessie, we are not cursed.
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There is no such thing
as a curse.
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Mary, Mary,
how can you say that?
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I mean, Mary, look at me.
I married a man who does
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you know what.
That's not a curse.
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I have one illegitimate daughter
who sleeps around.
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It's not a curse, Jess.
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Well, I have one daughter
who doesn't even go out on dates.
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That's not a curse.
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Daddy still believes
the war is going on.
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Not a curse.
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All right, Mary.
Your first husband committed suicide.
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You have one son who's gay
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who's gonna have
a sex-change operation.
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You have one son who's a spy.
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You have one stepson
who lives with a dummy.
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And you have another stepson
who came between Corinne and me.
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And your husband
won't make love to you.
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You're right, we're cursed.
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[
]
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
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Okay.
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Hi. Mrs. Campbell?
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Yes.
Ah.
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I'm your son Danny's employer.
Uh... May I come in?
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Yes.
Oh. Thank you. Oh, it's nice.
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Where is he going?
Uh...
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House hunting.
He's been driving me crazy.
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You know, every time
he goes into a house,
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he's gotta look around
all the rooms.
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Mrs. Campbell, about Danny,
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you know, I'm a little bit, uh, worried
about him.
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He leaves so suddenly.
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Uh, listen, Mr, uh...
Smith.
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Giorgio Smith.
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My friends call me
Georgie or Georgie boy.
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My mother calls me Face. Heh-heh.
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My father call...
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Forget about my father.
He's not a nice man.
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Danny's not here. He's in Europe.
Huh?
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You have his address in Europe?
No. Just Europe.
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Well, you know, this creates
a little problem for me
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because my boss wants me
to find Danny so bad.
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He says if I don't find him,
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then nobody's ever gonna
see me again. Heh-heh.
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Uh...
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I know who you are.
Giorgio Smith.
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You want to kill Danny, don't you?
Kill? K-k-kill Danny.
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Whe...? Where do you get
such crazy ideas from?
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Kill Danny, eh?
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
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[SPEAKING IN YIDDISH]
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[IN FOREIGN ACCENT]
How are you, missus?
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Rabbi Maccabee here,
collecting some money for trees. Heh.
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Hello, mister. You look like
a fine gentleman. Nice hair. Heh.
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Nice Jewish people, Campbellwitz.
It's a nice Jewish name.
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It's Campbell.
Not Jewish?
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Well, forget the trees then.
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I don't know why they want
more trees anyway.
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Israel is a jungle from the trees.
Heh. Goodbye.
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Wait. I'll get you some money.
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Well, now, now, hey.
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[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
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You know, there's a lot
of phoney baloneys
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going around here,
collecting for things they just make up.
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You got credentials?
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Credentials?
Yes.
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Do I have credentials?
You want credentials?
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Five thousand years of suffering.
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How's that for a credential?
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[QUIETLY] All right.
You want credentials?
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I'll give you credentials.
All right. All right. I'm sorry.
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I'm sorry.
Ah. Credentials, he asks.
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Uh... Bar mitzvah,
chopped chicken liver,
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Tel Aviv, a bagel. Credentials.
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Mr. Schmarty-Pants, your head
should grow in the ground
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like an onion, you want credentials.
Hey.
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Wholesale. A credential.
All right, all right, Rabbi.
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I was just trying to be careful.
There you go.
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And, uh, Mrs. Campbell,
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we'll be in touch with you, eh?
You want more credentials?
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No, I don't want more credentials.
I'll give you some more credentials.
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I'm sorry, Rabbi.
Let me give you a cheque.
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[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Ma. Ma, it's me.
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Danny? Oh, dear. Oh, my God.
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Do you know who that was?
They wanna kill you.
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I know, Ma.
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You've gotta get out of here.
Ma, it's all right. They're gone.
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You're not a spy, are you?
174
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,714
No, Ma, I'm not.
Oh, God.
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00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:36,354
[DOOR OPENS, MARY GASPS]
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Hi, uh...
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00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,076
I, uh... How are you doing?
178
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Mary, what, are you giving money
to every crackpot that comes around?
179
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Burt...
It's for... It's for a good cause, right?
180
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I know. That's what they all say.
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What is this for? Trees, I bet,
right, huh? Trees, huh?
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00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,149
What is it with your country
and trees?
183
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:56,717
I don't know. Maybe they got
a lot of dogs, Burt.
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Danny? Danny?
185
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:01,320
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
186
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,551
Oh, Danny.
I was just leaving.
187
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,116
Boy, Danny, you had me fooled.
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It's Danny.
189
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,957
I know, Burt.
190
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,836
I gotta go but, Ma,
I'll come back again, soon. I promise.
191
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,679
No, no, the back way.
Oh, okay.
192
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,314
That's a great outfit.
Heh-heh.
193
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,876
Bye.
Bye.
194
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,833
Hey, Mare.
195
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,637
Hey, Mare, I've been looking for you
all day.
196
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,071
Where were you?
I was with Jessica.
197
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,879
Hey, Mary,
198
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,391
what do you say, uh,
199
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,510
how about we go upstairs?
200
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,360
Why?
201
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:48,440
[LAUGHS]
202
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,832
Why? I see, it's been so long,
you don't remember. All right.
203
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:58,074
Okay, now, see, Mary,
what I'm trying to say is,
204
00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,280
[SMACKS LIPS]
205
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:04,435
mm-hm,
why don't we, uh, go upstairs,
206
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:09,397
you know, and kind of
lounge around
207
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,240
and va-va-voom?
208
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,909
[IMITATES TRUMPET
THEN CHUCKLES]
209
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,640
You know?
210
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:20,993
Mary, I saw Dr. Medlow today
and guess what?
211
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,429
What?
212
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,591
I think I can.
213
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,035
Now?
Yes!
214
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,436
Oh, Burt, not now.
215
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,880
Not now?
I'm just not in the mood.
216
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,959
Not in the mood?
You're not in the mood?
217
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,755
For six months, all I've been hearing
from you is "when?"
218
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,351
Now, all of a sudden,
it's "I'm not in the mood." Heh.
219
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,674
Burt, how can I be in the mood?
220
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,917
This morning we took Jodie
to the hospital.
221
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,352
This afternoon, Jessica found out
Chester's been unfaithful to her.
222
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:08,789
And a few moments ago,
223
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,152
I found out the Mob
is trying to kill Danny.
224
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,312
Oh, ahem.
225
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,758
Well, that kind of lets the air
out of my tyres. Heh.
226
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,112
So to speak, you know?
227
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,879
[
]
228
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,957
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
229
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,320
[QUIETLY] Corinne.
Hi.
230
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:37,556
Corinne, what are you doing here?
231
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,717
How'd you get in?
You gotta get out of here.
232
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:40,920
I have to talk to you.
233
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,549
No, no talk. We've talked enough.
That's it for talking.
234
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,319
Tim, I'm so unhappy.
235
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,318
You? What do you think,
this thrills me?
236
00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,557
Corinne, you can't be here.
This is for priests.
237
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,434
Tim, you know that guy I live with?
You know, Peter?
238
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,871
Come on now, Corinne, don't start.
Come on now, up on your feet.
239
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,959
But I have to talk to you.
No, we've done enough talking.
240
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,232
Leaving. You're gonna leave,
you're not gonna talk. Come on, up.
241
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,875
Oh, but Tim...
No, no "but Tim."
242
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,391
Only one word I listen to,
"Goodbye, Tim." Well, that's two words.
243
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,069
Just say "goodbye."
Goodbye, Corinne.
244
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:16,035
Goodbye, Tim. Hmm.
Good. I like that. You did that well.
245
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,197
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
246
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,637
I need your help.
247
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,518
This business with Corinne
is getting to be too much for me.
248
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:38,511
See, being a priest means more to me
than anything ever has in my life.
249
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,680
Ten, 12 years ago, remember
what I was like in high school?
250
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,190
I majored in motorcycles.
251
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,120
I was a bum, a nothing.
252
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,993
And then I found you.
253
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,432
I came back to the Church
and I became a priest.
254
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,190
And I love it. I love what I'm doing.
255
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,710
And I've been really happy.
256
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,232
Except for one thing: Corinne.
257
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,353
I mean, she's stirred up
all these old feelings.
258
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:09,234
Hey, I know I'm a man
and I know we all have those feelings,
259
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,150
but I think I'm getting them
too much, you know?
260
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,958
So, I'm thinking, uh, maybe
there's something wrong with me
261
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,391
in the priest department.
262
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,354
I understand tests,
263
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,951
and I know you've given some
humdingers in your day,
264
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,713
but are you gonna send Corinne in
once a week for the rest of my life?
265
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,600
Because if you are, I think
we're gonna get to a week there
266
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,269
that could embarrass everyone.
267
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:45,156
I mean, I don't know.
I thought I had the calling.
268
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,511
But now, I don't know.
269
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,359
Do I?
270
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,432
I'd ask for a sign,
271
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,235
but, quite frankly,
knowing the kind of signs you give...
272
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:58,478
Burning bushes, flooding the world.
273
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,400
I think I'll pass on the sign.
274
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:05,720
I mean, you get a little flamboyant
with the signs there.
275
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,711
Excuse me. Flamboyant.
I'm telling God he's flamboyant.
276
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,436
Well, thanks for listening.
277
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,155
I feel better just having talked.
278
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:22,116
And if you got an answer,
all right, you can give me a sign.
279
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,870
But nothing crazy, now. Please.
280
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:27,914
Goodbye.
281
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,117
[
]
282
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,231
Dennis, what do you mean
it's not such a good idea that I have the operation?
283
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,990
I don't know. I mean, a sex-change
operation is such a drastic step.
284
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,669
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
285
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,997
Dennis?
Well, it's just that...
286
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,760
Well, I've been thinking.
And maybe it's not such a good idea.
287
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,633
Why?
288
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,230
Dennis, what's going on?
289
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,713
I'm gonna marry Jill.
290
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:56,680
You're what?
291
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,033
Excuse me. I, uh...
292
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:03,879
I have to go meet Mandelbaum.
293
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,514
[MUMBLES]
294
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:10,599
See, he, uh... He challenged me
to a race around the hospital floor.
295
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,315
I'll be back in a week or two.
296
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,832
You're gonna marry her?
297
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,353
Yes.
298
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,318
Well, that's one wedding night
they could show
299
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,557
on Saturday morning television.
300
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,070
Look, Jodie, I'm sorry.
No, I love it.
301
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,239
The homosexual and the starlet
are getting married.
302
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,035
You'll kill each other
fighting over the electric rollers.
303
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,993
Jodie.
You're gonna marry her, Dennis?
304
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,361
Do you have any idea
what you're getting yourself into?
305
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,160
Jodie, I'm scared.
Well, I don't blame you.
306
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,829
No, I have to do it. Ah.
307
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,431
Jodie, I'm a football player.
That's all I know.
308
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:53,350
And soon I'll have to earn a living
from having been a football player.
309
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,757
I'm not the smartest guy in the world.
310
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,030
[SNIFFLES]
311
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,074
I can't do anything else, Jodie.
312
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,560
[SIGHS]
313
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,360
Look, even if you had the operation,
I mean, sooner or later,
314
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,517
people would find out.
315
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,871
I'd never be able to find work.
316
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,199
I can't do it.
317
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,313
I don't want to marry her,
but I'm scared.
318
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,354
[SIGHS]
319
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,274
I guess you'll have trouble
believing it
320
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,678
but I love you.
321
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,956
And I'll always love you.
322
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,479
Sorry, Jodie.
323
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:37,950
[INHALES DEEPLY]
324
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,356
Okay, I'm fine.
325
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,393
I am fine.
326
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,159
[WHIMPERS]
327
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,836
[VOICE BREAKING] Sure, I'm fine.
328
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,158
Boy, I can really pick them.
329
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,040
[INHALES DEEPLY]
330
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,274
No sense being a girl now.
331
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,198
Actually, there's no sense in being.
332
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,917
It's checkout time.
333
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:12,876
Make life a lot easier for me,
Mom, Burt,
334
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,958
Anita Bryant.
335
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,274
Time for your pill, Mr. Dallas.
336
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,473
Nurse, haemorrhage in 514, quick!
337
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,711
Tsk. Would you look at this.
338
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,833
Very nice. Hmm.
339
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,710
What, are you trying
to tell me something?
340
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:45,155
Just a few of these.
341
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,952
A couple of the yellow.
Love the lavender ones. Hmm.
342
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:53,510
A whole bunch of these.
343
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,320
I wonder how long this'll take?
344
00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,313
Jodie?
345
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,878
Jodie, did I ever tell you
about my wife?
346
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:32,359
I know, uh, you're not in the mood
right now to hear stories by old men,
347
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:36,873
but, uh, you'll listen,
because it... It could help.
348
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:41,359
You see, my wife, Jodie,
ho-ho-ho,
349
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:45,634
my wife was a wonder.
I swear she was a miracle, Jodie.
350
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:50,437
She used to walk down the street,
the whole Bronx would light up.
351
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:55,590
Uh... I used to stare at her in
amazement, thinking how lucky I was.
352
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,951
And after 15 years,
353
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,119
I still stared at that woman
in amazement.
354
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,996
She was all I needed, Jodie.
I had the whole world right there.
355
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,920
If I died, I could have died happy.
356
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:16,477
The, uh, trouble was that she died.
357
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:21,239
One day, she wakes up, a little lump.
358
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,631
Six months later, bing, bing,
359
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,840
the light goes out on my life.
Oh, boy.
360
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:36,035
I tell you,
I walked around for months, I was doubled over.
361
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,880
It's like somebody slugged me.
362
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,357
I went through the normal routine
of daily living.
363
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:46,031
I ate, I slept, I went to the bathroom.
364
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:50,359
And in between these
three major activities, Jodie,
365
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,312
there was a lot of pain.
366
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:59,549
I never thought I'm ever gonna
fall in love again. Baah.
367
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:03,549
Well, a few years later,
368
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,752
I met a redhead.
369
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:10,193
Not like my wife.
No, entirely different.
370
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:14,150
So, I ate, I slept,
I went to the bathroom,
371
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:18,115
and, uh, one day, I laughed.
372
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,997
And one day I noticed, I...
I-I laughed.
373
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,874
Then another day, I hummed.
374
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:29,154
And then soon after, I sang.
375
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,633
Well, I married her.
376
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:37,589
Oh, Jodie, if we weren't happy... Ah.
377
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,794
In an entirely different way.
See, it wasn't... Wasn't better, it wasn't worse,
378
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,071
it, uh... It was different.
379
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:52,590
There I was,
miserable Barney Gerber, happy again.
380
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:53,990
[LAUGHS]
381
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,590
You see, Jodie,
you see how smart I was.
382
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,314
I thought I'll never love again.
383
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,274
I thought
I'll never be happy again, huh?
384
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,471
I also thought,
385
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,479
I'll never have to say
"goodbye" again.
386
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:13,520
Mm.
387
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,031
Yeah, 10 years we were happy, Jodie.
388
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:21,359
And then, one day, ah,
some maniac with...
389
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,995
With bourbon in his blood,
something on his mind,
390
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,556
runs through a red light,
391
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:33,079
and stops Barney Gerber
right in mid-song.
392
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,400
Well,
393
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,760
ahh, it was 16 months ago.
394
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:46,353
Well, since then, I...
I have eaten, I have slept,
395
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,519
occasionally,
I went to the bathroom.
396
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,798
And I, uh... I had a heart attack.
397
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:59,439
So I said, "Gerber, that's all.
You're finished. Forget it."
398
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,553
What? It's never gonna happen again.
399
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:08,199
Once was wonderful,
twice was incredible.
400
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,275
A third time? What?
You're kidding yourself. Come on.
401
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,393
A third time would be asking
for a miracle.
402
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,155
But you know something, Jodie?
403
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,753
I don't really believe that.
404
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,998
If I believed that,
I wouldn't be here, in this hotel,
405
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:30,035
letting them sew Dacron
into my heart to hold it together.
406
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,880
I wouldn't be here,
begging my blood to visit my heart
407
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,391
at least a few times a day,
you know, to keep it going?
408
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:42,153
I wouldn't be here at all, Jodie,
if I didn't believe there could be
409
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,880
a third time.
410
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,033
Ah. Listen, listen, mein kind,
411
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:51,075
I know that you don't feel
so terrific right now,
412
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,632
but wait, Jodie, wait.
413
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,431
Someday, I guarantee you,
414
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:01,959
you're gonna hear
somebody laughing,
415
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,830
and you'll turn around,
416
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,796
and it'll be you.
417
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,319
[
]
418
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,280
ANNOUNCER:
Are the Tatesand the Campbells cursed?
419
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,359
Or are they just having a runof bad luck?
420
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,917
Is Danny's rabbi disguisegood enough to fool the Mob?
421
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:33,113
Is it good enough for him to performPassover services?
422
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,199
Will Father Tim get a sign from God?
423
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,235
A phone call? A Mailgram?Something?
424
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,238
Will Jodie live?
425
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,511
These questions and many otherswill be answered
426
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,315
on next week's episode of Soap.
427
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,477
[
]
428
00:23:49,527 --> 00:23:54,077
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