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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
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2
00:00:09,601 --> 00:00:11,234
Hey, who stole my bacon?
3
00:00:11,234 --> 00:00:13,601
Don't look at me. I
don't eat meat anymore.
4
00:00:13,601 --> 00:00:15,100
Give it back, D.J.
5
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:17,133
Oh, mom, he licked it.
6
00:00:17,133 --> 00:00:18,701
I did not!
7
00:00:18,701 --> 00:00:19,567
It's slimy.
8
00:00:19,567 --> 00:00:21,067
Would you shut up?
9
00:00:21,067 --> 00:00:24,868
Your dad's in there
trying to sleep!
10
00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:27,634
Now here, give me
that bacon he licked,
11
00:00:27,634 --> 00:00:30,067
And I'll feed it
to your dad.
12
00:00:31,968 --> 00:00:33,834
You know what to do.
13
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,634
Pick D.J. up
from school,
14
00:00:35,634 --> 00:00:37,467
take him
to soccer practice,
15
00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:39,767
then pick me up
at the mall.
16
00:00:39,767 --> 00:00:43,767
Why not just buy me
a chauffeur jacket and cap?
17
00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:46,667
That's all I
ever hear from you.
18
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:49,667
"I need new clothes.
Buy me a hat.
19
00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:52,734
Buy me a jacket.
Me. Me. Me."
20
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,000
I thought
you were sleeping.
21
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,501
And miss hearing
my family scream
22
00:01:00,501 --> 00:01:03,934
At the top of their
lungs in the morning?
23
00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:09,934
Well, you know, it's
breakfast time, Dan.
24
00:01:09,934 --> 00:01:11,434
I did my best.
25
00:01:11,434 --> 00:01:14,434
You should be thankful
nobody was hurt.
26
00:01:14,434 --> 00:01:19,501
Is this big pile
of dirty clothes on the floor here for me?
27
00:01:19,501 --> 00:01:22,934
Oh, honey, and it's
not even my birthday.
28
00:01:22,934 --> 00:01:24,968
It was late.
I was tired.
29
00:01:24,968 --> 00:01:28,067
I was going to pick
them up in the morning
30
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:30,033
After a full
four hours' sleep.
31
00:01:30,033 --> 00:01:31,467
Where's the towels?
32
00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:32,968
In the washer.
33
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,534
Why are they
in there?
34
00:01:34,534 --> 00:01:37,033
They're taking a ride.
35
00:01:37,033 --> 00:01:39,467
How am I supposed
to take a shower?
36
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:42,234
Why do you wash
all the towels at once?
37
00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:43,968
Just to
tick you off.
38
00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,534
Here. Sign this.
39
00:01:45,534 --> 00:01:48,033
It's not like
the towels are dirty.
40
00:01:48,033 --> 00:01:49,968
When you shower,
you're clean.
41
00:01:49,968 --> 00:01:51,400
The towels
are just wet.
42
00:01:56,467 --> 00:01:59,000
Until it gets hairier
than you are.
43
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,767
Wait! What was that,
your report card?
44
00:02:01,767 --> 00:02:03,200
Damn.
45
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:09,501
Four Cs and a "D."
46
00:02:09,501 --> 00:02:13,133
Well, at least we know
you're doing your best.
47
00:02:15,133 --> 00:02:17,901
Well, I'm just getting
to know my teachers.
48
00:02:17,901 --> 00:02:20,634
I liked last year's
excuse much better.
49
00:02:20,634 --> 00:02:25,467
Remember? "I can't
concentrate in class 'cause of the asbestos."
50
00:02:25,467 --> 00:02:29,167
What do you want,
better grades or better excuses?
51
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:30,734
With grades like that,
52
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:35,200
you'll be able
to operate any slurpee machine in this town.
53
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,200
So what, am I grounded?
54
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,634
No. Just go to school.
55
00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:41,467
Follow Becky.
She knows where it is.
56
00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:47,334
You let her off
mighty damn easy.
57
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,334
What are you
talking about?
58
00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:52,801
You ought to start
putting some pressure on that girl.
59
00:02:52,801 --> 00:02:54,868
Make her
do more homework.
60
00:02:54,868 --> 00:02:56,734
I'll get right on that
61
00:02:56,734 --> 00:02:59,467
Because I don't
have enough to do.
62
00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:02,467
How long are you going
to let this go on?
63
00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:04,934
Let's pretend like
you're ever home.
64
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,467
What would you do?
65
00:03:06,467 --> 00:03:09,000
Don't start. I'm killing
myself at that shop.
66
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,767
I don't have a job,
the restaurant, and the kids.
67
00:03:12,767 --> 00:03:14,601
You get
eight hours' sleep.
68
00:03:14,601 --> 00:03:19,868
Oh, yeah. That's why
I'm so damn chipper in the morning.
69
00:03:19,868 --> 00:03:23,634
What is this about,
Roseanne--clothes, Darlene, what?
70
00:03:23,634 --> 00:03:25,801
Could you just take me
to the restaurant?
71
00:03:25,801 --> 00:03:28,434
Could you do that
without us fighting?
72
00:03:28,434 --> 00:03:30,868
Yeah. I think
I can manage that!
73
00:03:30,868 --> 00:03:32,334
Fine!
74
00:03:39,534 --> 00:03:42,567
And don't use all
the toilet paper either.
75
00:03:42,567 --> 00:05:01,901
That's
our last roll!
76
00:05:03,701 --> 00:05:05,767
How long have you
been here?
77
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:08,834
Since hairy towels.
That was a good one.
78
00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,334
Well, Jackie, whatever
you're here for,
79
00:05:12,334 --> 00:05:14,834
Just go ahead,
borrow it, eat it,
80
00:05:14,834 --> 00:05:18,868
use it, or wash it.
I don't give a damn.
81
00:05:18,868 --> 00:05:20,367
Jeez, what a mood.
82
00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:22,868
I just need a thermos
of coffee.
83
00:05:22,868 --> 00:05:24,367
Knock yourself out.
84
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:27,434
O.k. Thanks.
Have you got a thermos?
85
00:05:27,434 --> 00:05:30,868
It's on top
of the fridge there.
86
00:05:30,868 --> 00:05:32,033
O.k.
87
00:05:32,033 --> 00:05:35,434
Yep. Got to stay awake
on the highway.
88
00:05:35,434 --> 00:05:37,100
Truckers' motto--
89
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:38,634
Stay awake.
90
00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:42,868
Do you want
to talk about it?
91
00:05:42,868 --> 00:05:44,434
Oh, god, Jackie,
92
00:05:44,434 --> 00:05:46,868
don't you have some load
of innocent chickens
93
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:50,467
to drop off
at the nugget factory or something?
94
00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:51,734
What's the deal?
95
00:05:51,734 --> 00:05:53,934
You guys
have been fighting all the time lately.
96
00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:55,200
No, that isn't true.
97
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,901
We only fight
when we see each other,
98
00:05:57,901 --> 00:05:59,400
which is hardly ever.
99
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,467
Come on.
100
00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:03,200
It's just a combination
of the fact
101
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,400
That we
are both exhausted
102
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,334
and he's such a jerk!
103
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,868
[Knock on window]
104
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:14,467
Oh, my god. It's Arnie.
105
00:06:14,467 --> 00:06:17,868
What's he doing here
so early in the morning?
106
00:06:17,868 --> 00:06:21,868
Perhaps he dropped by
to have sex with you again.
107
00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:23,000
Look...
108
00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:27,367
I made a mistake, o.k.?
109
00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:30,000
When are you going
to drop it already?
110
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,400
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just crazed.
111
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,767
You better
get out of here.
112
00:06:34,767 --> 00:06:37,868
Pretty soon
he'll figure out where the door is.
113
00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:39,200
I got to go.
114
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,033
I got to get
on the road anyway,
115
00:06:42,033 --> 00:06:44,033
But just take it easy.
116
00:06:44,033 --> 00:06:45,033
Yeah. Yeah.
117
00:06:45,033 --> 00:06:47,434
Is anybody going
to get the door?
118
00:06:47,434 --> 00:06:48,767
Anybody's on her way.
119
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:51,868
If you're going
to make a big deal out of it--
120
00:06:51,868 --> 00:06:52,934
Did I?
121
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:54,501
Don't do me any favors!
122
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:55,934
I know it's early,
123
00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:57,934
But I brought Nancy
with me
124
00:06:57,934 --> 00:06:59,834
so you'd let me in.
125
00:06:59,834 --> 00:07:04,334
Oh, what? You guys are
together again, I see.
126
00:07:04,334 --> 00:07:05,834
Forever.
127
00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:08,234
It's official.
I'm settling for Arnie.
128
00:07:08,234 --> 00:07:09,501
And we're
getting hitched,
129
00:07:09,501 --> 00:07:13,200
And we wanted you guys
to be the first to know.
130
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,000
You come over here
every couple of months,
131
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,667
say you're going
to get married,
132
00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:19,167
but you never do.
133
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:21,067
This time
it's for real.
134
00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:24,901
I Said I wouldn't
marry until I had money put away.
135
00:07:24,901 --> 00:07:26,367
Nancy's dad
gave me $5,000
136
00:07:26,367 --> 00:07:27,868
never
to see her again.
137
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,601
You are such a leech.
138
00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:34,167
Get off my back,
you tramp.
139
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:35,167
You're worthless.
140
00:07:35,167 --> 00:07:36,834
You're easy.
141
00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:43,200
I smell coffee.
Come on, honey.
142
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,100
He rules my world.
143
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:50,434
That was
a bad thing to see.
144
00:07:52,267 --> 00:07:54,834
So you're finally
going to do it, huh?
145
00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:56,334
You got it.
146
00:07:56,334 --> 00:07:57,834
Just a small affair.
147
00:07:57,834 --> 00:08:02,000
We want you to be
best man and best woman.
148
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,868
You don't
need a new dress.
149
00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:05,200
It's very casual.
150
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,901
It's o.k. We'd love to.
151
00:08:06,901 --> 00:08:09,367
Name the time and place.
We'll be there.
152
00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:12,534
Las Vegas, Nevada.
We leave sunday, come back tuesday.
153
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:16,467
Vegas for three days?
Jeez, I don't know.
154
00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:17,968
You guys love Vegas.
155
00:08:17,968 --> 00:08:19,801
We can't afford it now.
156
00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:21,167
Everything's on us.
157
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,501
Just bring money
to gamble.
158
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:23,467
Hold on.
159
00:08:23,467 --> 00:08:26,634
It would just be
the four of us.
160
00:08:26,634 --> 00:08:30,534
If you guys don't go,
we won't have any fun.
161
00:08:33,434 --> 00:08:37,634
I can't just close down
the shop for two days.
162
00:08:37,634 --> 00:08:39,400
I'll get tickets
for Wayne Newton.
163
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,634
Oh, Wayne!
164
00:08:40,634 --> 00:08:44,934
If there was any possible
way, we'd love to do it,
165
00:08:44,934 --> 00:08:46,367
But we just can't.
166
00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:47,534
Aw, Dan.
167
00:08:47,534 --> 00:08:50,501
Arnie, he said no.
168
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:52,367
Sorry for barging in.
169
00:08:52,367 --> 00:08:53,868
Thanks for the coffee.
170
00:08:53,868 --> 00:08:56,868
It would be like
a second honeymoon for you.
171
00:08:56,868 --> 00:08:57,868
Arnie!
172
00:08:57,868 --> 00:08:59,033
What?
173
00:08:59,033 --> 00:09:01,434
I don't think
you should grovel.
174
00:09:01,434 --> 00:09:03,701
Why not?
I'm good at it.
175
00:09:04,901 --> 00:09:07,467
Are you ready
to go to work?
176
00:09:10,501 --> 00:09:11,934
What?
177
00:09:11,934 --> 00:09:15,634
Well, thank you for
answering for both of us, Dan.
178
00:09:15,634 --> 00:09:16,634
You wanted to go?
179
00:09:16,634 --> 00:09:18,934
Yeah, I think it would
be a good thing.
180
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,701
It would be good
for us, Dan.
181
00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:22,100
Why didn't you
say something?
182
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,934
I tried, but you
were unstoppable.
183
00:09:23,934 --> 00:09:26,534
You want to take off
and leave the kids?
184
00:09:26,534 --> 00:09:29,434
Yes, Dan. That's all
I've ever wanted.
185
00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:34,767
Becky can take care
of everything around here.
186
00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:37,434
Last year, I was
supposed to go to Vegas,
187
00:09:37,434 --> 00:09:39,501
But you screwed
everything up.
188
00:09:39,501 --> 00:09:42,067
Oh, right.
I made it snow.
189
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,534
I closed down O'hare
international airport.
190
00:09:44,534 --> 00:09:46,100
I have that power.
191
00:09:48,234 --> 00:09:51,667
I want to see
Wayne Newton!
192
00:09:51,667 --> 00:09:55,167
How do I close down
the shop for two days?
193
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:56,567
You're the boss.
194
00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:59,467
If you don't show up,
it's just closed.
195
00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:01,801
You just don't
want to go anywhere!
196
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:05,434
I Could use a vacation
as much as anybody else!
197
00:10:05,434 --> 00:10:06,701
So what's stopping you?
198
00:10:06,701 --> 00:10:07,767
Nothing!
199
00:10:07,767 --> 00:10:09,868
Good. Call Arnie.
Tell him we're going.
200
00:10:09,868 --> 00:10:10,868
Fine!
201
00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:11,868
Fine!
202
00:10:11,868 --> 00:10:13,100
Second honeymoon!
203
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:19,767
You're on!
204
00:10:22,701 --> 00:10:26,067
[Dan]
* Luck, be a lady tonight *
205
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:29,200
Luck, be a lady
tonight
206
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,634
Stick with me, baby
207
00:10:30,634 --> 00:10:32,434
I'm the fella
you came in with
208
00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:35,367
Luck, be a lady
tonight
209
00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:40,701
[Roseanne] * Luck,
be a lady tonight *
210
00:10:40,701 --> 00:10:43,901
Luck, be a lady
tonight
211
00:10:43,901 --> 00:10:47,167
Luck, if you've
ever been a lady to begin with
212
00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:50,200
Luck, be a lady
tonight
213
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,734
[Dan]
* Luck, be a lady *
214
00:10:53,734 --> 00:10:56,734
[Dan and Roseanne]
* Luck, be a lady *
215
00:10:56,734 --> 00:11:00,067
Tonight
216
00:11:04,734 --> 00:11:06,734
Yes! All right!
217
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:07,801
Yes!
218
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,300
Oh, you're
doing good.
219
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,234
Yeah.
Can't seem to lose.
220
00:11:11,234 --> 00:11:12,234
Great.
221
00:11:12,234 --> 00:11:15,234
Boy,
is this machine hot!
222
00:11:15,234 --> 00:11:16,234
Yes!
223
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:17,734
Ha ha ha ha!
224
00:11:17,734 --> 00:11:18,734
Uhh!
225
00:11:18,734 --> 00:11:20,734
Roseanne Conner
from Lanford, Illinois.
226
00:11:20,734 --> 00:11:23,234
Alice Thurber,
Ottumwa, Iowa.
227
00:11:23,234 --> 00:11:25,634
Well, nice to meet you.
228
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,200
Yes!
229
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,267
Oh, man,
you won again.
230
00:11:31,267 --> 00:11:32,200
That's great.
231
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,200
Yeah.
I got a system.
232
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,701
I walk around
until a machine sends off vibes.
233
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:41,400
Well, this one...
Was...humming!
234
00:11:43,701 --> 00:11:44,701
Yes!
235
00:11:44,701 --> 00:11:46,200
There she is.
236
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,701
Wow! Bing! Bing!
237
00:11:47,701 --> 00:11:48,634
Ah, great!
238
00:11:48,634 --> 00:11:51,200
Hey, uh, Dan,
Alice Thurber.
239
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,200
Alice Thurber,
my husband Dan.
240
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,200
Good to meet you,
Alice.
241
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,834
Same here.
242
00:11:56,834 --> 00:12:01,501
Yeah, Alice Thurber
is having a great night on these machines.
243
00:12:01,501 --> 00:12:03,000
Alice Thurber is?
244
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,834
Alice Thurber...is.
245
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:07,234
Here's half of
the gambling money.
246
00:12:07,234 --> 00:12:10,234
Me and Arnie
are going to go shoot craps.
247
00:12:10,234 --> 00:12:12,200
Kiss for luck.
248
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,734
Can I get a little more
money from you?
249
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,234
What did you do with
what I gave you?
250
00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:18,834
I bought a hamburger.
251
00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:22,634
Well, here's another 20,
but make it last.
252
00:12:23,801 --> 00:12:25,767
Where's my kiss?
253
00:12:27,167 --> 00:12:28,100
Bye, sweetie.
254
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:31,033
Hey, Dan, can I
get 20 from you?
255
00:12:31,033 --> 00:12:33,701
O.k., but not
on the lips.
256
00:12:33,701 --> 00:12:36,200
You know, I just
want to thank you
257
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,701
for coming up here
with us.
258
00:12:38,701 --> 00:12:41,200
It means so much
to Arnie and me.
259
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,400
It came
at the perfect time.
260
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,701
We really needed
to get away.
261
00:12:45,701 --> 00:12:47,701
I should be
thanking you.
262
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:49,801
You guys have been
married forever.
263
00:12:49,801 --> 00:12:51,634
Last May.
264
00:12:51,634 --> 00:12:54,100
Any advice
for the newlyweds?
265
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:58,200
Well, since you
and Arnie are paying for the trip and show
266
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,200
And food and everything,
267
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,701
No.
268
00:13:03,701 --> 00:13:06,234
Hey, I never did ask you--
269
00:13:06,234 --> 00:13:09,000
How did
you and Arnie meet?
270
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,000
Remember
when he worked for the water department?
271
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,667
He was reading my meter
one day,
272
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:18,234
And I caught him
peeping through the blinds at me.
273
00:13:18,234 --> 00:13:20,734
Oh, he still does that?
274
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:22,734
It was so perverted.
275
00:13:22,734 --> 00:13:24,834
So we started dating.
276
00:13:24,834 --> 00:13:27,367
One thing
led to another.
277
00:13:27,367 --> 00:13:31,200
The next thing I know,
he's living in my car.
278
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,801
[Dan]
paging Alice Thurber.
279
00:13:33,801 --> 00:13:34,834
Doggone it.
280
00:13:34,834 --> 00:13:37,200
Telephone call
for Alice Thurber.
281
00:13:39,834 --> 00:13:42,968
Me and Dan have
a system, too.
282
00:13:42,968 --> 00:13:44,434
Ha ha ha ha.
283
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,200
[Ding]
284
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,200
Whoa!
285
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,701
Aah!
286
00:14:00,734 --> 00:14:04,200
I can't, Mark.
I got to study tonight.
287
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,868
Oh, don't be stupid.
288
00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:08,701
If he wasn't stupid,
he wouldn't be anything.
289
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:11,868
Drop dead.
290
00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:15,400
I'll talk to
you later, ok?
291
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,901
I love you.
292
00:14:16,901 --> 00:14:19,300
I love you, too,
Becky.
293
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:23,167
Oh, Darlene,
don't be jealous.
294
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:24,634
You could have
a boyfriend, too, you know.
295
00:14:24,634 --> 00:14:27,133
A little lipstick,
a little mascara.
296
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,934
A big juicy pork chop
tied around your neck.
297
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:34,801
[Telephone rings]
298
00:14:34,801 --> 00:14:35,801
Hello.
299
00:14:35,801 --> 00:14:37,300
Oh, hi, mom.
300
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:38,801
Yeah, I'm fine.
301
00:14:38,801 --> 00:14:40,734
Want to talk
to Becky?
302
00:14:40,734 --> 00:14:43,801
Well, she's in your bed
right now with Mark.
303
00:14:43,801 --> 00:14:45,334
Should I wake them?
304
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:47,267
Give me the phone!
305
00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:48,701
I'm right here.
306
00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:51,334
D.J.,
go take a bath.
307
00:14:51,334 --> 00:14:53,834
I got to do
a science project.
308
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:55,167
So do it.
309
00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:56,934
Mom always helps me.
310
00:14:56,934 --> 00:14:58,901
Mom's in Las Vegas,
D.J.,
311
00:14:58,901 --> 00:15:00,901
And she's
never coming back.
312
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,868
I got to make
a sundial.
313
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:04,701
Well,
then make a sundial.
314
00:15:04,701 --> 00:15:06,133
I don't know how.
315
00:15:06,133 --> 00:15:08,334
Just find
something round.
316
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:11,234
There.
317
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,734
Now take it outside,
318
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:20,968
and when
it starts to stink,
319
00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,033
it's tomorrow.
320
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,801
Deej, you want to
talk to mom?
321
00:15:29,801 --> 00:15:31,000
No!
322
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,300
No.
323
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,334
Well, mom, you already
called twice today.
324
00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:40,334
No--no, mom,
we do, too, miss you.
325
00:15:40,334 --> 00:15:43,300
Well, we would
if you'd leave us alone.
326
00:16:02,968 --> 00:16:03,968
Boo!
327
00:16:03,968 --> 00:16:05,400
Call the kids?
328
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,834
Yeah. They're
still there.
329
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:08,834
How the hell
does this work?
330
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,234
You put a quarter in.
331
00:16:10,234 --> 00:16:13,567
If it pushes
the other quarters off the edge,
332
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,400
You get to keep them.
333
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,834
There's a hundred quarters
334
00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:19,334
Just waiting to
jump off the cliff.
335
00:16:19,334 --> 00:16:20,834
Man.
336
00:16:20,834 --> 00:16:21,968
Uh...
337
00:16:21,968 --> 00:16:25,067
They got this sucker
nailed down pretty good.
338
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,367
O.k. We'll do it
your way.
339
00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:29,300
Give me
a quarter, Dan.
340
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,434
This will be
easy money.
341
00:16:31,434 --> 00:16:33,868
If it looks easy,
I'll bet it is.
342
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:36,367
Here. Let me
fish out a quarter.
343
00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:39,367
Get us a big bucket
to catch our winnings!
344
00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:40,868
Just give me the quarter.
345
00:16:40,868 --> 00:16:45,167
You know the guy
that invented this game must be a moron.
346
00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:46,200
Give me another one.
347
00:16:50,033 --> 00:16:51,534
Give me another one.
348
00:16:54,701 --> 00:16:56,367
Give me another one.
349
00:16:56,367 --> 00:16:59,234
Oh, here it comes.
Here it comes.
350
00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:00,734
Give me another one.
351
00:17:03,234 --> 00:17:04,734
Yahoo! Look at that!
352
00:17:04,734 --> 00:17:06,400
I Won!
353
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,300
A quarter.
Look at that.
354
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:10,267
Don't go giving
all that back.
355
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:12,834
Walk away a winner.
356
00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:15,901
What do you
want to do-- craps, blackjack?
357
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,067
No.
358
00:17:17,067 --> 00:17:18,901
Guess again.
359
00:17:18,901 --> 00:17:20,567
Liberace museum.
360
00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:23,000
Say something sexy,
Dan.
361
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,467
We're up 85 bucks.
362
00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:26,834
Ooh. Let's go
to the room.
363
00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:28,334
Could this
be happening--
364
00:17:28,334 --> 00:17:29,834
No kids, no work,
365
00:17:29,834 --> 00:17:31,334
Just you and me?
366
00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:32,868
Dan! Rosie!
367
00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:35,367
And Nancy and sluggo.
368
00:17:35,367 --> 00:17:36,934
Hey, check it out!
369
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,200
We've converted
our craps winnings
370
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,701
into actual crap.
371
00:17:41,701 --> 00:17:43,200
Oh, man,
you won, too?
372
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:46,133
How does this place
stay in business?
373
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:47,567
Isn't this
the worst?
374
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,200
God, I hope so.
375
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,901
You're my best man.
Let's go rent me a tux.
376
00:17:51,901 --> 00:17:54,234
Can't you do that
by yourself, Arnie?
377
00:17:54,234 --> 00:17:57,701
Come on. You know I can't
do anything by myself.
378
00:17:57,701 --> 00:18:00,200
Oh, go on, Dan.
379
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,367
Later?
380
00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:02,601
Later.
381
00:18:02,601 --> 00:18:04,868
Later, we're taking
you guys to dinner.
382
00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:06,868
I won't take hell no
for an answer.
383
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:08,367
Let's go, Dan.
384
00:18:08,367 --> 00:18:10,300
Honey, remember,
I'm wearing white.
385
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:12,901
You should wear
white, too.
386
00:18:12,901 --> 00:18:14,901
We're going as virgins.
387
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:28,901
Rosie, tell me the truth,
you saw that woman.
388
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:31,501
My boob job's better
than her boob job.
389
00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:33,834
You can't compare.
It's apples and oranges.
390
00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:36,334
When I first decided
to do this,
391
00:18:36,334 --> 00:18:38,868
Arnie and I got
into a huge fight.
392
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:41,300
I wanted
to look like Jamie Lee Curtis,
393
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:43,968
And he wanted the
Adrienne Barbeaus,
394
00:18:43,968 --> 00:18:46,467
But I didn't
have enough skin.
395
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,968
O.k., look,
we've done the buffet thing.
396
00:18:48,968 --> 00:18:51,367
We've done
the gambling thing, the shopping thing.
397
00:18:51,367 --> 00:18:53,701
What do you want
to do tonight?
398
00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:57,767
I'd just like to get Dan
and do the alone thing.
399
00:18:57,767 --> 00:19:00,634
Isn't that sweet,
after all these years?
400
00:19:00,634 --> 00:19:02,868
Yeah. I think
we're ready again.
401
00:19:05,868 --> 00:19:07,367
Give me that.
402
00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:08,868
Do it again.
403
00:19:08,868 --> 00:19:10,367
50 on the--
404
00:19:10,367 --> 00:19:11,567
Seven, red!
405
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,767
All right!
406
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:15,000
That third dessert's
almost always a mistake.
407
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,400
Yeah,
but you definitely got them rethinking
408
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,767
The all-you-can-eat
concept.
409
00:19:20,901 --> 00:19:21,834
All right.
410
00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:25,667
Seven!
411
00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:26,667
Damn!
412
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,267
You keep betting
against me,
413
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:29,734
And it's
ticking me off.
414
00:19:29,734 --> 00:19:31,167
There's no rule
against that.
415
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:33,234
I can bet
any way I want.
416
00:19:33,234 --> 00:19:34,601
But it's like a code.
417
00:19:34,601 --> 00:19:36,334
You don't
bet against friends.
418
00:19:36,334 --> 00:19:38,767
You play your way,
I play mine.
419
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:40,834
Now roll the dice!
420
00:19:40,834 --> 00:19:42,267
Yo, 11!
421
00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:43,267
Hell!
422
00:19:43,267 --> 00:19:44,901
Going to bet on me now?
423
00:19:44,901 --> 00:19:46,801
No. You're bound
to lose sometime.
424
00:19:46,801 --> 00:19:48,868
Can I borrow
another 20?
425
00:19:48,868 --> 00:19:50,367
Miss me,
sugar top?
426
00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:52,868
Notice I was gone,
bubble butt?
427
00:19:52,868 --> 00:19:54,934
Here, blow
on the dice, baby.
428
00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:56,868
Let's shake
the joint up.
429
00:19:56,868 --> 00:19:58,367
Are you winning?
430
00:19:58,367 --> 00:19:59,367
Winning? Yes.
431
00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:01,534
Big winning.
Big, big winning.
432
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,801
Yay, Dan!
433
00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:05,367
Yo, 11!
434
00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:07,033
Ooh! Happy days!
435
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:11,234
You guys
are making me sick.
436
00:20:11,234 --> 00:20:12,968
Let's go to a show.
437
00:20:12,968 --> 00:20:14,868
It's just you and me
tonight.
438
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:16,367
They want to be alone.
439
00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:17,400
For what?
440
00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:21,667
Oh, I get it.
441
00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:24,267
You want to get us
some wedding gifts.
442
00:20:24,267 --> 00:20:25,634
Have fun.
Let's go, honey.
443
00:20:29,501 --> 00:20:31,334
Four!
Four points, four!
444
00:20:31,334 --> 00:20:32,834
Dan.
445
00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:35,400
Just give me
one second, honey.
446
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,567
O.k.
447
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,467
Oh!
448
00:20:40,467 --> 00:20:41,968
Incredible!
449
00:20:41,968 --> 00:20:42,968
Dan.
450
00:20:42,968 --> 00:20:44,467
What, what, what?
451
00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:45,968
We had a date.
452
00:20:45,968 --> 00:20:46,968
Now?
453
00:20:46,968 --> 00:20:48,033
Yeah, now.
454
00:20:48,033 --> 00:20:49,467
Rosie, I'm hot.
455
00:20:49,467 --> 00:20:51,400
So am I.
456
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,434
Rosie, come on.
I'm having a real good time here.
457
00:20:55,434 --> 00:20:58,367
Oh, what, like
you wouldn't have a good time
458
00:20:58,367 --> 00:21:01,067
With me alone
up in the room?
459
00:21:01,067 --> 00:21:03,634
Whoo!
Ohh!
460
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:10,434
If you want to,
go back to the casino.
461
00:21:10,434 --> 00:21:14,033
Let's just do what
we came up here to do.
462
00:21:14,033 --> 00:21:17,601
Oh, you sweet talker, you.
463
00:21:17,601 --> 00:21:20,100
You got your stuff
all over the place.
464
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:24,167
Where am I supposed
to put my stuff, on the floor?
465
00:21:24,167 --> 00:21:26,167
Yeah. Pretend
like you're home.
466
00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:28,834
Honey, there's
something wrong with the towel racks.
467
00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:32,334
Look. They got fresh,
clean towels hanging all over them.
468
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,801
We could have this
very same argument
469
00:21:34,801 --> 00:21:36,367
Back in Lanford.
470
00:21:36,367 --> 00:21:38,334
You're the one that
dragged us here.
471
00:21:38,334 --> 00:21:39,767
When I started
having fun,
472
00:21:39,767 --> 00:21:41,834
you dragged me
away from it.
473
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:43,200
Hey, we had a date.
474
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,534
Excuse me. I thought
I was more important
475
00:21:45,534 --> 00:21:46,968
than that stupid game.
476
00:21:46,968 --> 00:21:48,868
You are, but waiting
wouldn't kill you.
477
00:21:48,868 --> 00:21:51,434
We came here
to spend time together.
478
00:21:51,434 --> 00:21:53,934
We haven't had
five minutes alone since we got here!
479
00:21:53,934 --> 00:21:55,334
Well, now we're alone.
480
00:21:55,334 --> 00:21:57,767
I, for one, am having
a great time.
481
00:22:01,667 --> 00:22:05,167
You know, Dan, we should
have took separate vacations.
482
00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:06,868
I go to Vegas,
483
00:22:06,868 --> 00:22:08,834
And you go to hell.
484
00:22:09,834 --> 00:22:19,834
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