All language subtitles for Roseanne s03e04 Like A New Job.eng

[sound effect playing]

[theme music]

[laughing]

[music playing]

No, come on.

You're wide open.

Come on.

Don't just stand there.

Shoot the ball.

Shoot it.

Shoot it.

Shoot it it's up!

Uh I was watching that.

Well, now you're
watching this.

Give me that.

Hey, there is no
way I'm going to be

watching Italian basketball.

Ooh, look.

It's the spokes model category.

Yay.

Becky, I can't see.

Oh I'm sorry, Darlene.

Am I in your way?

Well, we got a 19 inch TV
and you got a 25 inch butt.

Well, guess we're just going
to have to watch my show.

Well, guess I'm just
going to have to tell

Mom that I was watching first.

[laughing]

You're such a little infant.

You're a PEZ head.

Hey, babe.

How long have they
been fighting like this?

Well, let's see,
Darlene's almost 14 now.

[telephone ringing]

Hello.

Mother.

She was watching it first.

Yeah.

I'd love to.

Friday night?

Yeah, I was hoping you'd call.

You want to buy me dinner?

Well, gee, what's in it for you?

Oh sure, I put out.

Everybody knows that.

Darlene, what are you doing?

Oh, don't worry Mom.

He thinks it's Becky.

Oh, OK.

Mother!

I'm going to kill you Darlene.

Hey, Kelly, I'll
see it on video.

Sorry got to go.

7:30.

Don't dress.

You're dead.

[laughing]

Now, you guys have been on
each other's case for weeks.

Give it a rest.

Mother, she was the one--

And so did you.
Now go on.

Find something to do.

Go on.

Go on.

And stop calling me mother.

Well, thanks for your help.

What?

Don't you have anything to
say about what Darlene just did?

Yes.

If only she'd use her power
for good instead of evil.

[laughing]

The thermostat's fixed.

You just turn this
little doodad here.

The heat goes on in the
basement and it's ready for you

to resume your writing career.

Well, you know,
I don't think I'm

going to have that much
time to pursue that career,

now what with the
new job I got today.

Did you get that waitress job?

Yes, I did.

Well, it was close.

It was between me and the
other woman they hired.

Well, it beats sweeping
up at that beauty parlor.

Well, the way I look at it,
I'm still working with hair,

only now, it's in the food.

Come here woman.

You done good.

Well, good then, you must
massage my feet now, nave.

[chuckling]

And a dainty pair
of pups they are.

You know, I'm going to be
working the dinner shift.

So that means you're going
to take over around here.

Don't worry.
I can handle it.

Yeah, well, you know,
that means that you've

got to feed the kids
once in a while,

you've got to maintain
law and order around here,

and you have to keep them
from killing each other.

Better write this down.

Mom, Darlene's
hogging the bathroom.

She's doing her
homework in there.

And she locked me out.

And I really need to get in.

Darlene's doing her homework.

Oh, honey.

Oh it's a proud, proud day.

You want to handle this, Dan?

Nope.

You start your job tomorrow.

I start my job tomorrow.

You got a job?

Yeah.

I'm working in the restaurant
over at Rodbell's department

store.

The-- the one in the mall?

Yeah.

Where I hang out
with my friends?

Yeah.

My mother is
going to be there.

Yeah, it's a kick
in the head, ain't it?

You've ruined my life?

Well, you don't think I took
the job for the money, do you?

[music playing]

[chattering]

You guys behave!

Can I help you.

Um, yeah--

Hey!

Just have a seat anywhere ma'am.

Look, you guys quit
flipping them spoons.

- Coffee?
- Yeah.

That'd be great.

Um, you know, I uh--

Um there's no cream.

Um, there's some in the back.

I'll be back in just a second.

Well I've had worse jobs.

Spoon.

Spoon.

[laughing]

Here yo go.

- Thanks.
- Excuse me.

Would you please do
something about those kids.

They're throwing
spitballs at my wife.

Yes sir.
I'm sorry.

I'll take care of it.

I'll be right back.

Look.

You guys have got
to cut this out, OK?

Yeah, right.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You know, you look like
you could use some help.

Well, this is the
first day on the job.

And there's supposed to
be another waitress here.

But she hasn't gotten here yet.

Oh, that's a shame.

Wait a minute.

Tada!

We look like we were
separated at birth.

That's your table, sis.

Jeez, they're kind
of cute, aren't they?

You know, I have a couple
kids at home, just their age.

I think I can relate to them.

Get out!

[applause]

[music playing]

Roseanne, you know
when our dinner break is?

I'm starving.

Gee, I'm not hungry at all.

I wonder why.

Mmkay, I've got a Salisbury
steak, and a sauce steak.

Who gets the Salisbury steak?

- Uh, I do.
- OK.

Then you would be
the person to ask.

Um, which one is it?

Roseanne!

Roseanne!

Enjoy your, uh, thing.

Roseanne, we're out of decaf
and I can't find anymore.

Oh, well, see, you just
don't know where to look.

[laughing]

There.

Now you're out of regular.

Hey, hi Becky.

How you doing honey?

(WHISPERED) Come on, come on.

Mother, would it be all
right if that other woman

waited on us?

No.

For one thing, she's busy.

And for another, y'all are
just going to sit there

sipping sodas for an hour.

And then you'll leave her,
like, a quarter for a tip.

Miss, I'm waiting here.

Well, just a minute all right?

Just go have a seat.
I'll be right with you.

All right.

But do me a favor
and don't come over

and start acting like you're
my mother or something, OK?

So what?

Then like's
breastfeeding you is out.

[laughing]

Oh god.

Miss.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mmkay, you ready to order?

I'll have a cup of coffee
and a glass of water.

You're not going
to order any food?

Nope.

This ain't my table.

You want me to wait
on your daughter?

She looks kind of embarrassed.

Yeah, I'm real
worried about it.

Hi girls, how are you doing?

You know, this
is really weird,

Mrs. Conner, you serving
us and everything.

Yeah, well, just
pretend like, you know,

it's over at our house.

Of course, here they
make me wash my hands

before I serve you the food.

[laughing]

Mother, that's gross.

She's just kidding, you guys.

Well, duh, Becky.

Lighten up, Beck.

Yeah, lighten up, Beck.

Duh.

Can we just order now?

Shoot.

OK.

I'll have a cheese
burger, and fries, and--

How come you're
even here eating?

I mean, your dad's supposed
must be cooking for your.

Dad said it's OK.

Besides, he's only
going to order

a pizza at halftime anyway.

Well, I left the meatloaf
in the fridge this morning.

Well, I guess he
changed his mind.

Really?

Well, could we,
like, order now.

Uh, yeah.

You'll eat what I bring you.

Just like him sitting up there
on his butt, watching the game,

while I kill myself
making a meat loaf.

And this time I even
put real meat in it.

[music playing]

BECKY: Give it back.

Hey, give that back!

DARLENE: Make me!

BECKY: Give it back!

Hey, it was on my
side of the room!

DARLENE: Well, I don't
even want it in the room.

BECKY: OK.

Let go!

[suspenseful music playing]

BECKY: That's my sweater.

Yeah, well, let's see if it fly!

DARLENE: You scum!

Dad, look.

[laughing]

Oh, there's something
you don't see every day.

No, no, no.

Darlene, come on.

That was my favorite!

Like I care.

[laughing]

[inaudible].

Look at this Darlene.

Darlene Conner,
Junior [inaudible]----

No, no, no, 1991.

[inaudible].

Becky, you drop that
thing and you're dead.

Oops.

You dropped it.

Now go get it.

Ow!

Hey!

Hey!

Break.

[groaning]

All right.

What's going on?
- Dad, look--

I can't live with
her anymore, OK?

She's always getting
her stuff in my stuff.

You know what?
I don't care.

You two can't live together?

Fine.

You don't have to.

Darlene, get your stuff, you're
moving down to the basement.

What?

Are you kidding?

I mean, I'm sick of this.

You two do nothing but fight.

You're just going to have
to learn how to live apart.

What do you think about that?

You're the best dad.

I'll get my stuff.

And hurry it up.

DJ, go clean up your room.

Why?

I'm on a roll.

I ought to get more kids.

Hello, dear.

Welcome to Conner Manor
where the children are fed,

the dishes are washed,
and all is serene.

And the bras
and the underpants

are all over the front yard.

You know, most people
would have opted for, like,

a pink flamingo.

Ah, that.

A minor skirmish.

I'll have the girls
take care of it.

Though I hear you totally
humiliated Becky at the mall

today.

Yeah.

You know, I think this job's
going to work out swell.

By the way, what was Becky
doing at the mall anyhow?

She didn't want pizza?

Well what about that meatloaf?

Nobody wanted meatloaf.

Couldn't give that stuff away.

Where are you going
with that stuff?

Well, I can't live
with Becky anymore

so I'm moving down
to the basement.

Whose stupid idea is that?

Mine.

I'll straighten this out.

I already straightened it out.

The girls wouldn't
stop fighting.

I took care of it.
- By what?

Separating them?

I never would have
done that, Dan.

Well, you weren't here.

You told me to
take charge, I did.

What are you going to do?

Come in and overrule
everything I do?

Well, now they're never going
to talk to each other again.

Honey.

How can you just lay there
like that and stare at the TV?

Easy.

It was quiet

till you got home.

[music playing]

I don't know.

I think Dan had a good idea.

When we were kids
it would have been

great having our own rooms.

I don't think we would be this
close if we'd been separated.

And besides, we had a lot
of fun sharing that room.

Fun?

It was awful.

You used to pour warm water on
my blanket when I was sleeping.

I thought I was a
bed-wetter till I was 12.

Well, you were no
perfect sister anyways.

You used to lock the door
when I'd stay out late.

Then I'd have to come
home and ring the bell.

And then Daddy would get up.

And he'd, like, to talk to me.

You started that rumor
I liked Ronnie Addison.

Well, you did
like Ronny Addison.

I did not.

Yes you did.

You're such a liar!

It was written
all over your diary.

Ronny Addison, he's so
cute, I just love him.

He's so hot.

You read my diary?

No.

You ready my diary.

I have to work.

Mom, I need your
employee discount card.

Well, I'm trying
to work now, Darlene.

Just give me a minute.

Jackie, can I
borrow a credit card?

What for?

Well, I saw this great
stereo system, right?

It's $1,000.

So I use mom's ID, get 20%
off, then return it full price.

I do that 5 times
and I can afford

the stereo system for real.

Not bad, huh?

Darlene, that's illegal.

How would you know?

What?

Am I sitting here
in a clown suit?

Forget about it Darlene.

Run along.

I'm always going to be poor.

Now, she'd need a
receipt for that, right?

See.
There you go.

See?

See what?

Darlene just walked right
by Becky, didn't say nothing.

So she just walked by her.

What's the big deal.

Because normally when she'd
walk by she'd look at Becky,

and she'd go, hi, geek and.

Then Becky would go
drop dead, butch.

You know, they'd
have a relationship.

Roseanne, did you ever
wonder that maybe what's really

bugging you here is
that Dan decided to put

him in separate rooms, not you.

That is ridiculous.

No!
No, no.

No.

I think I might be
onto something here.

Somebody else is calling
the shots on your turf

and you don't like.

Damn.

Just may make detective yet.

And you also may be the
first cop in history to ever

pay for a cup of coffee.

You're hopeless, Roseanne.

Well, what am
I supposed to do?

Just let everything
go to hell and let

Dan do whatever he wants?

Do you trust Dan?

Do I have to?

Well, you just got to let
him do what he thinks is right.

OK, but like, what
if I just, you know--

Look, you asked him to take
over so just let him do it.

Let somebody else do it.

I can't.

That's because
you think you always

have to be the strong one.

I don't know how to be weak.

Wait a minute.

You're weak.

Teach me.

[music playing]

Hi, babe.

Hi.

Hey, Mom.

What's he doing up?

We made a deal.

DJ did the dishes, and I'm
letting him stay up a little.

A deal?

Let's go make some
coffee, Roseanne.

He let DJ stay up late.

Then it's going to
be, like, totally

impossible for me to get
him up in the morning,

and send him to school.

That's going to
ruin my whole day.

It'll be OK.

And look at this.

Why would he let
DJ do the dishes?

It's covered with filth.

Why would he do that?

Breathe.

OK.

Roseanne, I know
the dishes are a mess.

I was just waiting
for DJ to go to bed.

I'll do them.

See?

Now, Dan, if DJ promised you
that he would do the dishes,

what is he ever going to
learn if his father goes

and does everything for him.
My god.

Oh my god.

Breathe.

You breathe.

I wanna go do the dishes.

Roseanne, let him do it.

Give them the power
over the dishes.

But he does a lousy
job on the dishes.

You do a lousy
job on the dishes.

Yeah, but he's
going to leave spots.

Roseanne, this is it.

You're going to go in there.

You're going to watch
Dan do the dishes.

And you're not going
to do anything.

You understand?

Honey you want me to dry?

Nah, thanks.

I'm just going to leave
them in the rack to air dry.

(WHEEZILY) Spots.

Spots.

Mom, I can't find
the extra blankets.

Where do you keep them?

Ask your father.

Good.

Good.

Dad?

You going to bed already?

What bed?

I'm trying to do my math.

It's freezing down there.

[laughing]

Darlene, you didn't come up here
because you were cold, did you?

Yeah, I did.

I think you're just
using that as an excuse

to go back to your old
room, isn't that true?

No.

Are you making me move back?

I am just over here
breathing with Aunt Jackie?

Darlene, Girl you can
stay in the basement as

long as you want, if you want.

Well, it's kind of,
like, lonely down there.

And I would move back
upstairs, but Becky's just

going to say it's her room and
I'm moving back because I miss

her, and need her, and dweeb,
dweeb, dweeb, dweeb, dweeb,

dweeb, dweeb.

I'll tell you what, why
don't you blame it on me?

Tell her I said the
basement was too cold.

All right.

Thanks Dad.

Anytime.

Hey, Becky.

Dad's making me move back.

So get your crap off of my crap.

Thank you, thank
you, no applause.

Oh, yeah, right.

Like you planned
she would get cold.

Rosie, Rosie, Rosie.

She didn't come up here
because she was cold.

The basement's heated.

She just needed an excuse
to go back to her old room.

I'm surprised you
didn't pick up on that.

But then, not everyone can be as
perfect a parent as Dan Conner.

Oh I'm truly humbled
by your magnificence.

As am I. And you know, I
think I'll let these old dishes

wait until the morning.

Ladies.

I'm amazed, Roseanne.

You just stayed back.

You let Dan handle that.

Mm-hmm.

May I do the dishes now?

You've earned it.

Thank you.

Oh, say, sis.

You might want to turn
the heat in the basement

back up with that little
thermostat deal over there.

You little sneak.

Thank you, thank
you, no applause.

[music playing]

[applause]

Yeah, but remember how you
taught me to put lipstick on?

Not on the lips, around the lips
so it wouldn't smear when I got

kissed.

God you were stupid.

I trusted you.

Well you were no angelic
little sister yourself.

What did I ever do to you?

Oh, I start going out with
Dan and you go and tell him

you're my daughter.

[laughing]

He was stupid.

And what about your
imaginary sister?

My imaginary sister?

You made her up.

Oh, yeah, well, if she
was my imaginary sister she

was your imaginary sister too.

Yeah, but she'd
only talk to you.

That's because she
hated you, Jackie.

Roseanne.

It was all I
could do to keep her

from killing you in your sleep.

Just admit it.

You were the rottenest
sister ever born.

Well, I don't believe I have
to sit here and take that,

and neither do you, Vanessa.

Very funny.

Now don't say that Vanessa,
you'll hurt hr feelings.

She likes wearing
her hair like that.

Just grow up, OK?

Hey!

What'd she say about my hair?

[music playing]

[applause]

[sound effect playing]

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