All language subtitles for The.West.Wing.S04E05.WEBRip.x264-FGT

Previously on The West Wing:

I can't believe
how many times I get asked

"What would be a win
in the debates?"

If we don't get elected,
I promise you

President Ritchie is going
to have a lot less sympathy

for your agenda.

You're what my friends call
a superior son of a bitch

and you can't be trusted.

Wait till the debates.

Election's in six weeks,
Mr. President.

Where are we in the vote?
Well, to be honest, we're
slipping a little bit.

Are you taking this personally?

We should have
a great debate, Rob.

We owe it to everyone.

I know how Ritchie's going
to win this election.

Affirmative action and quotas
are about two different things.

Affirmative action is about
providing people an opportunity

they might not
otherwise get.

I don't know you can talk
about providing opportunity

while at the same time
supporting racial profiling.

What the hell is...?
I don't support
racial profiling.

Your nominee
for Attorney General did.

Can you tell us
why you nominated him?

"Why?"

Yes.

'Cause bite me,
that's why.

C.J.:
It's a legitimate
question.

It's been
almost four years, Sam.

How long do you want to say,
"I told you so"?

JOSH:
He wasn't saying

"I told you so," sir.

We need an answer
on Rooker.

What's wrong with "bite me"?

I think we'd lose.

Not in New Jersey.

C.J.:
"It's never been shown

racial profiling works,
and I'm against it."

That answer's pretty simple,
isn't it?

We can make it more complicated.

A lot people in...

I'm sorry, Mr. President,
do you mind if I...?
No.

I think she was talking
to me, there, Dexter. What?

A lot of people in law
enforcement believe

profiling helps them
do their job better.

Not everyone's
against it.

I'm against it.

And so are the voters

but I think what...

How you doing there, Joey?

Kippy?
Kenny.

Okay.
I think,
Mr. President

that what Congresswoman Wyatt
was saying is

that if we can figure out a way

to make this answer
about the drug war

then we can talk
about successes.

Is that what
you were saying, Andy?

Yes, sir.
Yeah, but, Ritchie

will bring it back to Rooker
and the fact that you don't know

what your position on
racial profiling...
I do know what my position is.

TOBY:
We're losing the question.

Fundamentally, it's
what was the story with Rooker?

C.J.:
We gave him our full support
until it became clear

that an increasingly divided
Congress was

going to shoot down our nominee.

We didn't give him
our full support.

We withdrew the nomination.

Why not blow past the nomination
fight and give a strong...?

"Blow past the nomination"?
...and give a strong

unambiguous statement
in support of law enforcement?

'Cause that's not
going to be the question.

Nobody's for stronger,
fairer law enforcement.

That's not
going to be the question.

Why not just say
we screwed up?

"Mr. Rooker's
a devoted crime fighter--

"we had our
differences--

but on this,
all Americans can agree..."

Excuse me.

Yes, sir.

Were you doing me just then?

I was offering an answer...

You were doing me.

I may have slipped into it, yes.

Anybody else do
a pretty good Bartlet?

It's talent night
here at debate camp.

Anybody want
to do a little skit?

( whispering )

( clearing throat )

Apparently, eight
Israeli Thunder fighters--

these are also known
as American-made

Boeing F-15E
Strike Eagles--

have hit two terrorist bases
in the north and south of Qumar

and while no Qumari
government personnel

or institutions
were destroyed

Qumar, of course,
considers an attack on its soil

to be an act of war.

So, we are, as always

one bad bottle of tequila away
from all-out war in West Asia.

Would you like to take this one
or shall I?

Why don't you get this one
and I'll get... the next one?

Okay.

We've got
a secure room.

I agreed to be locked up
with you people for 48 hours.

How much time
do I have left?

LEO:
47 hours, 41 minutes.

LEO:
Hutchinson and Berryhill
are hooked in

along with Nancy and Fitzwallace

and we're still getting
Peter from State.

Defense Condition 3
for the bases in Qumar is what?

Mike.

It deploys the Independence
to the Gulf.

They've got 75 aircraft.

PRESIDENT:
What's happening on the ground?

MAN:
AC Striker recon
says 30,000 troops

are massing
at the Syrian border.

That was fast.

LEO:
They're not there yet.

We're getting
MILSAT confirmation.

MAN 2:
Mr. President, you have

Secretaries Hutchinson
and Berryhill

Director Kato,
Chairman Fitzwallace
and Dr. McNally.

All right.

Well, we've got ourselves
a Marx Brothers movie.

( over phone ):
Sir, it's Ken.

On your order,
we'll put CTU on high alert.

You have the order. Oh, Fitz?

FITZWALLACE:
Yes, sir?

How you doing?
Fine. Thank you, sir.

And you?

Well, we've made camp
in North Carolina for prep.

So, I've been thinking a lot
about killing myself

but let me ask you something--
besides Qumar

Iran, Syria, Hezbollah,
they've all got short

and medium range
missiles.

If Israel feels threatened
by them, what happens?

They launch a preemptive strike.

LEO:
Yeah, but before
that happens

Qumar shows its
teeth, right?

Yeah.
Yeah, so what
happens then?

They'll want something from us
in exchange for standing down.

Well, for the moment,
they haven't stood up

but in the meantime,
let's try

and think of something
we can give them when they do.

That's what we should
do in the meantime?

Leo...
We should think
of something we
can give them?

Honey, if we're
going to have this fight

can we not do it
in front of the Joint Chiefs?

It just scares the hell
out of them.

Yes.

Mr. Chairman, would you
put our bases in Qumar

at Defense Condition 3

and put the U.S. Military
at DefCon 4?

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Andy.

Yeah?

A couple of things.

I need you to look
at a couple of answers

on defense readiness.

I-I-I need concrete examples

of waste
in Pentagon procurement.

We need two more members
of the I.R.C. for post spin.

I need you to fill out
this marriage license

and paperwork
for a joint checking account

and review this 60-second answer
on Rwanda.

Okay, okay, okay, um...
under no circumstances...

and sure.

See, by my count, you said,
"Under no circumstances"

to the I.R.C. post spin,
and, "Sure"...

I said, "Under no
circumstances," to
marrying you again.

May I ask why?

I have the
unique experience

of having done
it once before.

Yes, well...

I have to get to the
things you gave me.

A person's running
for president.

Hey.

Hey.

That was good, Sam.

Stay up in his face.
Don't back off.

You want to shoot
for two minutes?

There's a hoop in back.

Yeah...

He's right.
Don't back off.
Yeah.

What's going on
with you and Andy?

Nothing.
I think you're wrong.

I'm not.

I think you're
getting back together.

I'm not.
But you want to.

Yes.
I think... Wait. What?

See, sometimes, if I
slam on the brakes,
you just run right past.

Okay, fill us in
on everything you got so far

between the two of you.

Yeah, that's what's going
to happen right now.

Well, if you do that...

Are you going stay
up in his face?

Did you hear me say
I would?

No, actually.
Well, I will.

Listen, let me
tell you something.

What I said
wasn't personal.

Who said it was?

He did.

He said it's been
four years

and when am I going
to stop saying, "I told you so"

and that wasn't...
I was...

Let's say we were new.

We made mistakes.

We'd just gotten to...

We weren't even
in the White House

when we heard Rooker...

It was, like, January 5.

It was the 15.

It was January 15.

JOSH:
How do you remember?

TOBY:
I just do.

I think Cornell Rooker's going
to be the Attorney General.

How about that?

What do you mean?

He's on the phone
with the Governor right now.

We're settled
on that?

Yes, it's Cornell Rooker,
if that's

what he's saying on the phone,
if he's saying yes.

If he's saying no, then it's
going to be somebody else.

Well analyzed.

I thought there might be

more conversations
about the more
conservative tendencies.

Like privacy?
Yeah.

C.J.:
That's what...

He's a Democrat
with a record

the right wing
can't complain about.

Excuse me, Josh.
I'm looking for Donna.

Donna's at the
White House, as
a matter of fact.

She's at
the White House?
Yeah.

She knows the old tenants are
still there, right?

She's being taken out to
lunch by her predecessor

a guy who's the assistant
to Mack McConnell

assistant to the
Deputy C.O.S.

Nobody did that with me.

Anybody do that with you?

Sam...

JOSH:
He's who judiciary calls

when they want to put
a stamp on, and yes

he's got a record
conservatives can't
complain about.

Guys, our opponent has

a record conservatives can't
complain about, but he lost.

Excuse me. Mr. Ziegler?

Yeah?

Congresswoman Wyatt is here
in person

without an appointment
and she's asking to see you.

Yeah.

Congresswoman Wyatt's
also Mrs. Ziegler.

Just, uh... I'll be right out.

Yes, sir.

You think we're going
to get hit from the left?

I do.
Look...
JOSH:
I don't.

He gets a honeymoon.
Let's take advantage.

You're missing my point.

JOSH:
What?
I think he'll be confirmed.

No problem. We might even get
the honeymoon from the left.

But?

I'm not sure he's the right guy.

( footsteps approach )

We got Rooker.

Donna?

Yeah.

Jeff Johnson.

Come on back.

This was incredibly nice
of you.

Well, the guy before
did it for me.
So who knows?

Maybe you'll do it
for someone else
in four years.

Eight years.

( chuckling ):
Whatever.

Is this where
I'll be working?

Who knows?

The White House
reinvents itself

with every
administration.

It's never the same.

There are some things
that I can tell you

that won't be
in your briefing.

You want
to hear them?
Sure.

Never wear your badge
off campus.

It's like wearing a bull's-eye.

Don't let your kids
get the mail out of the mailbox.

You don't know what separatist
just sent you a chain letter.

I don't have kids.

Good, because there are days
you're going to need

to be here at 8:00,
maybe even earlier

and not go home
till 6:00 or 7:00.

What else?

The iodine tablets.

Some people take them;
some people don't.

I did, but you can
ask your doctor.

What's the iodine for?

Uh, it protects your thyroid
from the radiation.

And... why is there radiation?

There's an XW-9 warhead

in a silo 93 feet below
the Eisenhower putting green.

They say it's not
enough radiation

to hurt you,
but do you really want

to take chances
with something like that?

Really? Wow. God, no.

Yeah. Listen,
before I forget

I've got to hit you up
for a favor.

My girlfriend's a stringer
for a teen magazine.

It's called 21.

Sure.
With all the young
people coming in

they want to do a story
and you've been visible

and with the way you look...

any chance
she could get

a ten-minute phoner?

No problem.
You can give her the number.

Great. You ready for lunch?
Yeah.

Where to?

You tell me.

I don't know anything.

Okay.

Everything all right?

Yeah. I couldn't get you
on the phone

and I was
on the tenth floor.

They need another sample.

Why?

There was a blackout
in Alexandria

and the incubator was
without power for 45 minutes.

Can we maybe talk
about this over here?

A blackout
in Alexandria?

It's a cab ride.

Just go over.

You're in, you're out,
no sweat.

No, it's not no sweat.

In fact, it's
a little bit gruesome.

It's gruesome?

It's something.

You get off on
the fourth floor

which is clearly marked

for all the other passengers
on the elevator to read

that it's the
Fertility Clinic

and you're trying to show
with your body language

that it's not you

and that's impossible to
show with body language.

An 84-year-old Welsh nurse
hands you a brown paper bag

with a cup and a video

and points the way
toward a room.

I won't even tell you
the name they have
for this room.

What's the name?
I won't tell you.

Why?
It's not a good
out-loud word.

You take the longest
walk of your life

back to the Welsh nurse

who takes the cup
out of the bag

and says, "Very nice."

Honey, I need you
to do this now.

There's a timing thing.

Can it possibly wait
till next week...?

I thought maybe today
I could...

It's January 15, Andy.

I can't have a baby today.

He's getting sworn in
in five days.

I'm not saying never--

I'm saying can we...
wait five days?

Sure.

How's it going?

Rooker's going to be the AG.

KENNY:
Mr. Ziegler!

Yeah?
I'm sorry
for shouting.

Joey says she's ready.

I'm sorry?

Electoral Math.

( grunts )

Was it 'cause we...
burned it down?

SAM:
I was going to say.

Okay, let's start.

I'm taking Ohio out of the red
and putting it back in play.

How much money is it going
to take to win there?

JOEY:
A lot more than we have there.

We're on the air
in 18 of the top 25.

There's no new money
to spend on this.

We're going to have
to move it...

I'm going to stop you there.

Joey, I-I can't
go to him with it.

Let me go to him with it.
Let Bruno.

No, I'm with Toby.

I don't think you understand

how the President feels
about his home state.

He's a New Hampshire Bartlet.

It's been home
for centuries.

He's a Democrat elected
to the statehouse
with close to 60%

and the fact that
the state's in play is

a real embarrassment for him.

He doesn't want
to campaign there

because that's embarrassing,
too, but we...

C.J., I'm trying to tell you
it's not in play anymore.

Joey, no kidding--
if you asked the president

which he'd rather win,
New Hampshire or the election

he'd have to think
before he answered.

Put a pin in it; we'll come back
after prep. Thanks.

MAN:
President Bartlet,
the next question's to you.

Governor Ritchie contends
there's a crisis

in the American family

that parents aren't spending
enough time with their kids.

JOSH:
We're trying this again.
Sorry.
Yeah.

And that your solution
is essentially

to have government
raise children.

Well, that's an extraordinary

and unsurprisingly dumb
interpretation of what it is

my administration's
trying to accomplish.

( applause and cheers )

It's hard enough
to raise kids today

with help from family leave,
subsidized day care, preschool--

we need more of it, not less.

SAM:
The government can't

raise kids, Mr. President--
parents have to.

I have three grown daughters,
Governor.

You really want to tell me
how I should raise my family?

You're really comfortable
with that?

There it is.
You want to tell
other American

fathers and mothers what
they're doing wrong?

Sir, I did not say...

I didn't think you did.

So why don't we stick

to what it is
government can do--

which is collect money
and distribute it--

and stop wasting time
by sentimentalizing families?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's not good, sir.

SAM:
We just lost the vote
of every

stay-at-home mom and their
husbands who are henpecked.

Who are you now?

Sir...
I like the aggressive
answer; it's just right.

We're letting Ritchie put him
on the opposite side of values.

Lead with
"I'm the proud father of... "

PRESIDENT:
That wasn't the question, Larry.

The question was, "What do
I have against families?"

Josh...
and the answer is I have
nothing against them at all.

They're simply not mentioned
in the Executive Powers section.

Larry's right,
we have to put him on
the right side of this.

He is on the
right side of this

but we need help
with the answer.

You're asking me to do that
which I don't want to do, right?

Yes.
Okay.

I have a press briefing.

( clears throat ):
Good afternoon.

Today is January 22.

Let me brief you on the
President's morning schedule.

He started with...
How's that?

CAROL:
Good.

Yeah?
Yeah.

You sure?
Yeah.

You don't care.

No.

Okay.
I've got boxes
to unload.

I'm going to stay here
and practice.

No, David, the President
was very clear about that.

Mark, then Katie.

Mark, Katie, Jessie, Phil,
Steve, Betsy, Julie, Julie

Julia, Kevin, Paul, Tom,
Sondra, Suzanne...

( sighs )

Mike, Danny... Elizabeth.

18th seat.

18 you can vote...
"vote" sounds like "moat"...

which is a trench-- Trent.

Excuse me, C.J.

Yeah?

Bill Stark.

I'm with Kingspeak.

We're a magazine that reaches

over 600,000
Christian Evangelicals.

I'm sorry I missed
your first briefing.

I heard you did well.

I can do better.

I wanted tell you

that on December 10

all 600,000 will
be praying for you.

Really?

That's right.

I don't understand.

Well, once a year,
we identify

the 365 most influential
people in media

and we assign each of
them a calendar day

and we pray for them.

I really don't know
what to say in response

to that sort of kindness.

Well...

the Administration
will reconsider

their position on some issues?

Like what?

Um... school prayer?

I think the President's
pretty much made up his mind.

Millions of Americans want it.

There are a lot of votes there.

Yes, but we got as many
as we needed for now, so...

Just wanted to say hi.

I'll see you around.

Oh, by the way...

just so you don't think
we disagree on everything

I think Cornell Rooker
is terrific.

Really?
Back in the day

we served on
a city council together.

First African-American man
I've ever heard make sense

on racial profiling.

MRS. LANDINGHAM:
Look at this.

Leonardo DaVinci.

"Madonna and Child
with a Pomegranate."

It's nice.

( gasps ):
Here's Botticelli.

"Adoration of the Magi."

What are we
doing right now?

We're choosing pictures
from the collection

at the National Gallery.

They'll loan stuff?

Anything you want
in the National Gallery

or the whole Smithsonian.

Really?
Yeah.

I want Apollo 11.

Well, you can't have that.
Then don't bother me.

Sir...
I'm meeting with
the Leadership

I'm signing six Executive Orders
I don't yet understand...

( knocking on door )

Mr. President.

God, I thought that
was a closet.

It's my office.

All right, the room's got
four doors, it's huge.

I want to run through
these Executive Orders.

Do you understand them?

Not quite yet.

C.J., what are you doing?

I'm sorry, sir.
I just wanted to see Leo.

He's standing
right there.

Yeah.

Would you get your ass
in here?

Could everyone
stop acting strange?

What's up?

A reporter for
a conservative
Christian magazine

introduced himself

and happened to mention

that he served
on a city council with Rooker

which is true-- it was in Miami.

Yeah.

The reporter
said that

he liked Rooker's position
on racial profiling.

That's strange.

No, it's not.
We found the transcript.

"I'm not saying it
should be active policy

"but there is no question in my
mind that in certain situations

racial profiling can be
helpful to law..."

Law enforcement?

Yeah.

It's our second day, how do you
think it's going so far?

We'll get into it.

Yes.

AMY:
And down the stretch,
here she comes.

Here comes Gardner.

She's going to take
the yellow jersey

past the picturesque farms
and hillsides

and Champs d' Leamp
and the white cliffs of Dover.

Where do the Americans find
this kind of spirit?

( cell phone beeps )
Her cell phone's ringing now--
probably a sponsor.

Hello?

It's Josh.

Hello.

You're breathing very hard.

I'm riding.

Then what are you doing?

Later?

Yeah.

I'm having dinner

with Peter Harlow.

How's Peter's wife?

( chuckles )

They're separated.

Yes, I know.

What do you need?

How do we stand strong

for the modern family
with all its quirks

and not seem like we're dissing
everyone born before 1962?

By doing it.

Can I call you
in a couple hours?

You'll think about it?
Yeah.

Thank you.

( mumbling )

You're going to
this meeting?

Yeah.

WW-160, you been
able to find it?

I don't even know
where I am right now.

I'm looking on
this side again.

Do you mind if I talk
to you while we walk?

Well, we may as well get used
to having meetings

in the corridors
from now on.

It may be our only hope.

I now know why they made
the Oval Office a special shape.

Six new editorials--

NAACP, the Urban League,
La Raza...

NAACP doesn't want to see
a black Attorney General?

No, I think they do,
but they also stand

for the ones who get pulled over
for having too nice a car.

Thank you.

Intergovernmental's also...

I'm talking to
Intergovernmental.

Does anybody know
where WW-160 is?!

Hi.

I'm Josh Lyman.

You all work for me.

Does anybody know
where WW-160 is?

I haven't seen it.

That one hasn't seen it.

She's... you know, she's
keeping an eye out, though.

I don't think he's going
to be confirmed.

I think the first thing
that's going to happen to us is

we're going to lose
a confirmation battle...

spend the next four
years with two outs
and a full count.

If we pull him out now

it's a story
for a day and a half

until we announce
the next guy.

If we wait a week...

This is the guy.

This is the story.

Good.

'Cause you know why?

'Cause hubris always wins
in the end.

The Greeks taught us that.

( whistles )

We were looking
for West Wing 160.

Yeah, I think it's
in the Kremlin.

Let's just meet here.

Leo, this is a strong,
deserving nominee.

Sam, it's not hubris.

He should be
Attorney General.

Yeah, but he's
not going to be.

So, let's take it
from there.

No, the President doesn't
want to give it up yet.

Let's line up people for I.P.,
the mornings...

Cornell Rooker has
an exceptional record

as a U.S. Attorney...

a leader in fighting
employment discrimination

was college chair of...

He's tough on crime;
he's fair on justice--

that's the line--
say that.

Do not say that.

What the hell is that?

"He's tough on crime;

he's fair on justice"...

sings a song
and has a mustache?

What is that supposed to...

And Toby's gone to the zoo.

Yeah, I think we may have
killed these two guys

with Inauguration.

SAM:
Leo, I beseech you--
let me take a pass

at some remarks
the President can make

withdrawing
the nomination.

We're going to do it anyway.
Let's do it now.

JOSH:
Here it is.

If you take a thorough look
at Cornell Rooker's record,
you'll see...

Yes.
...he's fought
for justice

his entire career.

If you take a thorough look
at Cornell Rooker's record

you'll see he's fought
for justice his entire career.

I don't want to be able
to turn my head tomorrow

without reading that quote.

Anything else?

No.

Thank you.

Hey... I don't think
there is a WW-160.

Yeah, hey.
How do you do?

What?

Guess what I have here.

It's a copy of 21 magazine.

It's for Generation Now!

Is my thing in there?

Yuh-huh.

What?

( clears throat )

"In sleek Selia Yang slacks
and a classic DKNY button-down

"she's not afraid
to bring a note of

'Let's do drinks after work'
to the office."

That's totally untrue, but
I do like the sound of it.

"But much as we love
her style, we worry

about her inexperience
and Bambiesque naiveté.

"'There's so much to
learn,' says Moss.

"'I didn't even know there
was a nuclear missile silo

under this place.'"

I didn't.

There's not!

There is!

Who told you that?

Jeff, when I met him
for lunch.

Let me take a
guess at something.

Jeff set you up with
the reporter, right?

His girlfriend.

You probably didn't even
bring this up, right?

The girlfriend
led you there?

Bambiesque?

As does pertain to Bambi.

There's a reason why we
keep these missile silos

way out the hell in
the middle of nowhere.

It's 'cause they're
working with some
pretty nasty materials.

Also, there's
not much point

in keeping nuclear
secrets from China

when all they have to
do is take the free tour.

Did it really sound right
to you when he said it?

What'd you think,
we go to war

and Hercules rockets
come flying out of
the Rose Garden?

The Eisenhower Putting Green.

( laughing ):
Oh, my God!

I'm too stupid to live!

This is just like
when I played the lead

in Li'l Abner
in eighth grade

and rehearsals
are going fine.

All of a sudden, there's sets
and lights and costumes

and everyone's tripping
all over themselves except me.

You guys all walked
into the building

and got freaked
by the lights.

I walked in and, you know,
something else happened.

Well, we can't all be you.

You can all try
a little harder to be.

For sure I'm not taking
the iodine tablets.

I should be sitting
at my desk right now.

Do I have a desk yet?

No.

Okay.

Then I'll just...
walk around some more...

see if I can get
into a pickup meeting.

CHARLIE:
Toby.

Yeah?

You going to dinner?

Yeah.

I'm a bad friend.

I should've been
there for you.

Okay, but I-I don't know
what you're talking about.

Josh and Sam talked
to me. I'm on board.

With what?
Team Toby.

See, I lent voice to thought
and that was my mistake.

If you want to marry Andy,
then, damn it, so do I...

Okay.
...want that, you know,
to happen for you.

I get it.

Do you? Because
this is about love.

I think you have
a different motivation.

Laughs?

Yes.

Sure, but also as
much love, really

as I think either one of
us are comfortable with.

Yes.

Well, let me start here:
Have you asked her?

Yes.

And she said no?

This is excruciating.

You're going to give me
your white blood cells...

not all of them,
but as many as I want.

Why?

Because you love me.

No, wha... uh...

what's the matter
with your white blood cells?

Nothing. It's my
immune system.

It's not... recognizing
that a pregnancy isn't

something it's
supposed to attack.

So, they draw
blood from you...

like a rabid dog

clean it,
thank goodness...

and give me injections
of your blood cells

to build up tolerance.

You know how you're
always saying

you wish people
were more like you?

Well...

The guy's had
a lot of success.

You don't have to sell me.

It sounds like something
we should try...

but let me ask you something,
and bear in mind

that I'm happy,
I'm... eager

to go to as many doctors
as there are...

but should we talk
about a stop date?

You mean talk
about adoption?

Yeah, we can talk
about adopting.

You meant a stop
date stop date.

I meant adopting.

I meant surrogacy,
and yes, I love kids

and I want them
and I don't have to have them.

I want them.

And I'm there.

Okay.

You're getting
killed on Rooker.

No kidding.

Hey, C.J.

Is he in there?

Yeah. Is anything wrong?

No...

There's a problem.

I just said a stupid thing.

What's the problem?

Well, I did a one-on-one
with Danny Concannon
a few days ago on Rooker.

Did you say,
"If you take a thorough look

at Cornell Rooker's record..."?

Yes, as a
matter of fact.

And?
He did.

Oh, man.

A D.U.I. got fixed
in law school.

He doesn't want to write
about the D.U.I.

as much as he wants to write

about us being the
Capital Clampetts.

What was the stupid thing
that you said?

Doesn't matter.
Let's fix this.

* Gaudeamus igitur *

* Iuvenes dum sumus *

* Post iucundam iuventutem *

* Post molestam senectutem *

* Nos habebit humus *

* Nos habebit humus. *

Yeah!
( applause )

What was that?

It's an old camp song.

What's it mean?

Let us be merry, therefore

while we are young men.

After the joys of youth,
after the pains

of old age, the
ground will have us.

It's true.

How can I get you
on board with me?

New Hampshire?

Yeah.

By coming out with me.

On what?
The President's got to
spend a little more time

in the congressional districts
we're not going to win.

Why would he spend any time
in districts...?

SAM:
To build Democratic momentum

in the very places we
traditionally tank.

We're running comically weak
candidates in these districts.

The Tennessee 7th,
Horton Wilde in Orange County

he's in the hospital
with his fourth heart attack.

Who the hell knows
when he's going

to resume a campaign schedule?

I can't make a pitch

about putting resources
in the right places

and then advocate sending
the President to districts

where the last Democrat won

by railing
against Abraham Lincoln.

That's a reasonable point.

Will you help me?

Yeah.

( phone rings through receiver)

I have to say
you look good.

( cell phone rings )

Thank you.

I don't remember
you looking this good.

Is something different?

( ringing continuing )

I don't know, the
autumnal equinox

is usually good
to me, but...

( ringing continues )

I think that's your cell phone
that's been ringing.

( ringing continuing )

Yes. Excuse me.

Hello?

JOSH:
Hey.

Hello.

You on your date?

Well, I wouldn't call it that.

Listen, you probably don't want

to let him know it's me
on the phone.

It's too intimidating.

It's like going out with Cher
and Sonny calls.

How can I help you?

Any thoughts?

Yes. Ritchie's right.

There's a family crisis
in America.

So, a radical feminist is saying

women should stay home
with the kids?

First of all, I don't think
I'm a radical anything.

Second of all, who said
women should stay home?

And third is, it's
the capitalist treadmill

that encourages scheduling
quality time on a Palm Pilot.

That's not how they do it
in Scandinavia.

But everybody kills themself
in Scandinavia.

That's hard to deny.

We need to defend
our accomplishments

on work and family

many of which you pushed for

and show that we get

what working parents
are going through.

Can you help us?

Yes.

I'll call back.

What would be a really bad time?

Oh, really anytime.

Outstanding.

DONNA:
Josh?

Yeah?
There's a Mr.
Michael Gordon

here to see you.

Does he have an appointment?

( whispering ):
No, he's... with the NSA.

NSA?

Yeah.
Send him in.

Mr. Lyman?

Yeah.
Michael Gordon.

Donna says you're
with the NSA?

I'm not here
to bug your office.

Yeah, but you wouldn't tell me
if you were, right?

It's about Miss Moss,
as a matter of fact.

What's the trouble?
Probably nothing

but a few days ago, a
teen magazine published
a short interview with her.

Yeah, look, the old guys
were playing a joke on her.

I realize it's not a good idea
for a White House staffer

to be saying there's a missile
in the capital.

Well, the problem is, joke or
not, she hit a little close
to home for our comfort.

What do you mean?

Obviously, I
can't elaborate.

"She hit a little close
to home"?

Yeah.

You trying to tell me...?

Mr. Lyman, you don't
have code-word clearance.

We need to stay
professional.

Yeah.

How long has she been
working for you?

( snickering ):
Listen, this...

this is silly.

She was just duped.

It was a joke.

How long has she been
working for you?

This is a giant
misunderstanding.
Mr. Lyman...

I would vouch for Donna
with my life.

She doesn't know
about missiles.

She's from Wisconsin.

I'm simply asking how long
she's been working for you.

No, look, I'm sorry.

I'm sure your intentions
are good and...

this is just routine, but...

it could get tricky

and I'd like to have her talk
to somebody.

A lawyer?

Yeah.

Suit yourself, but until
this is straightened out

I'm going to need to
revoke her credentials.

She's my assistant.

For how long?

As long as it takes.

All right.

Thank you.

Donna...

What was that?

You got to go home.

Why?

That idiot interview you did
popped a red flag at NSA.

They're revoking
your credentials

till it's
straightened out.

( sighing )

I don't believe it.

I'm talking to someone
in Cochran's office.

What am I supposed to do?

Take a few days off.

Go home.
Go to the beach.

It's February 2.

Well, then, I wouldn't
go to the beach.

You've got a meeting
in Leo's office.

( sighing ):
Don't worry about this.

I'm going to fix this.

( talking indistinctly )

The President's not going

to be available
for a little bit.

Why?
Fitzwallace just got here.

Any idea what's going on?

All right, listen up.

( talking stops )

We still have
an open question

on family.

We still have an open question
on Rooker

missile defense
and vouchers.

We start dress rehearsals
tomorrow at 3:00.

Let's split up
in our groups.

I really want vouchers by 10:00

missile defense
by 11:00.

Anyone not doing anything
at midnight-- Team Toby

my cabin.

Good.

JOSH:
Break's over.

MILITARY AIDE:
Ten-hut.

PRESIDENT:
Thanks for coming down.

Yes, sir.

What's going on?

The Mastico, a 200-foot

Qumari cargo ship
is heading east

in the Mediterranean,
toward Lebanon.

Is it carrying Qumari
arts and crafts?

No, it's carrying 72 tons
of weapons and explosives

including a Multiple Launch
Rocket System.

This fires 12 warheads
with 644 M-77 munitions.

It does it in 60 seconds.

The global
positioning device

on the MLRS is how
we found the ship.

This is the message in a bottle

we've been
waiting for.

They turn around the ship
in exchange for what?

Access to the High Altitude
Area Defense program.

LEO:
That's okay...

'cause that's just
the most sophisticated

anti-ballistic missile system
in history short of Star Wars.

What else?

They're arming the Bahji, Leo

two training camps of
which the Israelis
just attacked.

I've got to turn around
the boat-- tonight.

Tomorrow we'll worry
about tomorrow.

Well, we can invite the sultan
over for a mixer.

Look...
A nice mixer.

Punch, sack races, whatnot...

Why are we playing games
with these people?

They refuse to catch
and prosecute the Bahji.

In fact,
they support them

in a variety of ways.

Why isn't that the end
of the conversation?

"We'll worry about tomorrow
tomorrow."

We said that yesterday.

Fitz?

I couldn't agree with Leo more.

What about Nancy?

Yeah.

What's available
from the Sixth Fleet?

One Forward Unit
east of the Mastico--

the 26th Marine Expeditionary.

Stop the boat.

Don't shoot it
unless I tell you to.

Yes, sir.

This doesn't feel good,
does it?

It's quiet, you know.
It's too quiet.

C.J....
Yeah.

( door opens and closes )

The President has withdrawn
Rooker's name from nomination.

( sighing ):
Well, at least it's behind us.

Not quite.

Our report card for our
first two weeks in office.

The President's approval
has gone

from 61% during the transition--

when, I suppose,
there's nothing to approve--

to 49% once there was.

47% see him
as a strong leader--

a result of bungling
the Rooker nomination--

and African-American
support--

which basically elected him--
has gone from 92 to 78.

Finally, if the election
were held today

the President would be chairman
of the Economics Department

at Phillips Andover Academy.

Can anyone report
anything good?

600,000 evangelicals
are praying for me...

so... we have
that going for us.

What the hell are you
talking about?

It's true-- a guy
gave me this card:
"365 People in Media."

SAM:
Who are the others?

C.J.:
I don't know.
Let's see...

"Hugh Hefner, Don Imus,
Howard Stern..."

all the late-night guys.

This is...

one, two, three...

this is the editorial
board of the New York Times.

This isn't a good list, this is
a list of the people who are

going to hell.
Yes.

They're not
praying for me

'cause they like me,
it's 'cause

I'm doomed
to eternal damnation.

If you weren't,
it'd be a waste of praying.

You're on
the list, too, pal.

Can I see that?

You can all leave.

We're going to do better
for you, boss.

Do better for him.

We will.

We will.

Sam...

Yeah.

Can you walk with me
a second?

Yeah.

( heavy sigh )

Well, you were right,
I was wrong.

More often than not,
it's going to be the
other way around, so...

Thanks. Listen, I got
a weird problem.

What?

Remember Donna had lunch
with Mack's assistant
a few weeks ago?

He told her there's
a missile silo on the grounds.

She repeated it to a magazine
and an NSA guy came

to see me just now,
and he said she struck
a little close to home

and they want
to investigate.

In the meantime, they've
revoked her credentials.

"Struck too close to home."
What does that mean?

It means somehow, she...

There's actually
some kind of weapons system

right here
on the White House...

or... intelligence
gathering...

Wait a minute.

This doesn't sound right.

( dry chuckle )

Hi.

Hey.

Just... hanging
with my friend Michael.

He works in the staff
secretary's office.

Plus, he's got
his own band.

By the way, you know
what your name is
for the next month.

It's going to be Bambi,
isn't it?

Yeah, it's going
to be Bambi-ass.

But on your good days,
I'm calling you Abner

'cause you stepped
into the White House
and didn't flinch.

I'm making phone calls.

( phone ringing )

AMY:
Yeah?

How you doing?

I'm freezing.

Where are you?

I'm at my front door.

Well, go inside.

I can't.
I'll lose you.

You'll never lose me, Amy.

Please don't say that.

What do you have?

I don't have anything.

I don't believe you.

I don't know what
you want me to say.

I want women to have help
from the government.

I want women
to earn what men earn.

I want everyone
to earn enough

so that everyone can make the
right choice for their family

and, after that,
it's none of your business

who stays home
and who goes to work.

You don't know more about
raising a family than I do.

That was it.

We got it.
We'll give it a test.

I'll call you back.
Probably around 1:00.

A.M.?

Yeah. Yeah.

Good.

Let's get that in the form
of an answer.

We got something
from Amy.

Good.

He was wondering,
the Team Toby meeting.

Toby doesn't need
to be there, right?

I wasn't
really wondering.

Why don't you just
do your job as a man

and get that nice girl
pregnant?

I did.

Wait, what?
What?

Andy's pregnant.

Toby, Andy's pregnant?

With twins.

This is incredible.

And they're yours?

Yeah.

Both of them?

( quiet laugh )

I'm going downstairs.

Well, we're going to have
to step this up now.

Yeah.

I'm going to get hats.

Let's go.

Hey.

Good evening,
Mr. President.

Did you have
a good day?

Yes, sir. We haven't
found the answer we like

on the Rooker
question yet.

You know what I remember
he said to me.

He said, "Mr. President

"when I hear black footsteps
behind me, I'm scared.

When I hear white footsteps,
I'm not."

Well, I think we both know
people who'd say different.

You have to respect him
for voicing

such an unpopular opinion

amongst people
to whom he's a leader.

You pay for these things
for such a long time.

Too long,
don't you think?

I absolutely do.

And I don't know why
we struggle with it.

We made a mistake,
I corrected it.

I'll make more.

Yes.
Humans can't rebut that.

It's prevent defense and has
the added merit of being true.

Am I going to lose
New Hampshire?

Yes, sir.

I don't mind blowing the
knucklehead stuff like Rooker.

Rooker's not knucklehead, but...
if I'm making mistakes there

how do I know I'm not doing it
when it comes to matters like

death and destruction?

Well, probably you don't,
'cause there's no manual.

Sir, we expect a President to
face the world in his own way

for his own time.

Also, luckily for all of us

you have better advisers
in that area

than you do in domestic
and political policy.

( laughing ):
All right.

When we're done tonight

we should talk about
moving money to Ohio.

Yes, sir, and maybe making
a stop in Orange County.

You know, our candidate
in the 47th is such a dynamo

that he's in
the hospital

with his fourth
heart attack.
Not anymore.
He's dead.

Okay.

Let's go.

And stay up in my face, okay?

Yes, sir.

I swear to God,
the winner of this debate's

going to be the next President.

Anybody want to be
on the losing team?

STAFF:
No, sir.

Then let's pump it up.

Let's go, Claudia Jean.

C.J.:
Good evening, and welcome
to the Presidential debate

between President Josiah Bartlet
and Governor Robert Ritchie

being brought to you

from the University of
California, San Diego.

The format, agreed to by both
candidates, is as follows:

A candidate will have 90 seconds
to respond

followed with a 60-second
questioning by his opponent

followed by
a 60-second summation.

By virtue of a coin toss,
Mr. President

the first question goes to you.