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1
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,177
To remind you, sir.
Wolf Blitzer's here
with a crew from CNN.
2
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:12,213
They're doing that
feature on possible
presidential hopefuls.
3
00:00:12,313 --> 00:00:15,916
Wolf (STAMMERS) Blitzer's
here?
4
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,687
I think the first three b's
are silent.
5
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,222
Nothing to get
nervous about
6
00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:24,392
just 'cause
they're throwing around
the word "presidential."
7
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,959
It's just gonna be
a normal press
conference.
8
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:27,027
Nothing unusual.
9
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:30,064
(IN DEEP VOICE)
This is CNN.
10
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:31,399
I should have done
that voice.
11
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:34,168
This is CNN.
12
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:37,405
This is the door closing.
13
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,407
Come on, who's afraid
of the big bad wolf?
14
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:40,674
Not you, not this Mayor.
15
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,443
Uh-uh. Just go out there
and keep it simple.
16
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,011
Remember all we're
announcing today
17
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:46,480
is that the money
for school renovation
is going to Brooklyn.
18
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,048
After careful consideration,
19
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:52,286
we've decided that
the money allocated
for school renovations
20
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,988
is going to b...
(STAMMERS)
21
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,460
Is going to b...
(STAMMERS)
22
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,230
It's going to Queens.
23
00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:05,833
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
24
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:27,621
The same thing happened
to me once
25
00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:29,157
when I was running
for class president
26
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,758
of my junior high.
27
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,493
But you can say
your "B's" now, right?
28
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:34,895
Oh, yeah, I'm all b...
(STAMMERS) I'm fine.
29
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:38,166
James, remove all the B's
30
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:41,001
from the speech the Mayor
has to give this afternoon.
31
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:42,703
That's gonna be tough, Mike.
32
00:01:44,071 --> 00:01:46,240
Oh, b... Boy.
33
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:50,178
Sir, you're talking
to the Bronx boy's
Baseball Boosters.
34
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,547
And hey,
what do you know,
35
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:56,550
the guest speaker...
Bobby Bonilla.
36
00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,188
I think you just came
down with the flu, sir.
37
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,223
(COUGHING)
38
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,658
I did not need
to get sick today!
39
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,329
Mike, you are aware
40
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:09,730
that my wedding is
in two days, right?
41
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,332
Paul, I told you
my wedding gift
to you
42
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:12,900
is to plan this event
down to the last detail,
43
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,402
and that is a promise
I'm going to keep.
44
00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,537
Did you hear that,
Stuart?
45
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,307
Mike made a promise,
much like your promise
46
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:22,109
not to shave while
you're showering.
47
00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,277
What's the big deal?
48
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,613
There were whiskers
49
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,116
floating around when
I took my bath.
50
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,218
What kind of bath?
51
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,819
A bubble bath.
52
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,021
Okay, two things.
One, you're a guy.
53
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:35,923
You shouldn't be taking
bubble baths.
54
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:40,261
And two, shaving
isn't the only thing I do
in the shower to save time.
55
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,236
Paul, don't ever move
in with somebody.
56
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,703
It'll ruin your life.
57
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,973
Lovely sentiments to a man
about to be married.
58
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,243
Mike, promise me
you won't let me down.
59
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:58,111
What are you
worried about?
I'm your best man.
60
00:02:58,246 --> 00:02:59,647
I will be
the best best man.
61
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,149
In fact, I don't think
that term even does
me justice.
62
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:05,152
I want you to think of me
as your ultimate man.
63
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,720
Okay, ultimate man.
64
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,021
Did you take care
of the cake?
65
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,558
I preordered a seven-layer
coconut cream cake,
66
00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,693
and had figurines
custom made for the top
67
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,462
that look exactly
like you and Claudia.
68
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:17,365
One thing. I'm allergic
to coconut.
69
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:21,635
See? That's why
your figurine is
covered with hives.
70
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:30,311
Claudia, I see
the vows you wrote
are to love Paul
71
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,946
and to cherish him
eternally.
72
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,650
Well, I could have
gotten a lot mushier.
(LAUGHS)
73
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:40,654
Now, Paul, your vows
are to love Claudia
74
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:43,891
and to lose five pounds...
75
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,528
Well, I wanted to combine
my wedding vows
76
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,663
with my New Year's
resolutions.
77
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,333
Mike, Congressman Sears.
It's an emergency.
78
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,101
Oh. Just go ahead.
79
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:57,805
Now, the groom
and the groomsmen
will be wearing
80
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:01,709
powder blue
ruffled tuxedos
with tails
81
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:02,876
and a top hat?
82
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,145
Hey, hey, lookin' sharp.
83
00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:07,348
All right. Yeah,
we'll introduce
the bill on the 5th,
84
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:10,584
we'll lobby till the 10th,
and we'll vote on the 14th.
85
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:13,321
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
Where were we?
86
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:16,390
Mr. Flaherty, don't
you have to write
all that down?
87
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,691
Oh, no, Father.
88
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,394
It's like I have
a little secretary
in my head.
89
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,029
She files, she types...
90
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:23,931
She's got a little crush
on me.
91
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,335
Oh, yes, you do.
92
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,872
Carter Heywood!
93
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,775
Father Larry!
Oh, God, hi!
94
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,009
You two know each other?
95
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,647
I've known Carter since
he was four foot tall.
96
00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:41,181
Well, how have you been?
97
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:42,950
Are you married yet?
98
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,824
Uh... I... Uh...
99
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,561
Still haven't met
the right girl.
100
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:57,831
Oh. You know, when...
When he was a kid,
101
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,767
all the girls wanted
to date him,
102
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:03,404
but Carter wanted
to run around
with the boys.
103
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,143
Well, he outgrew that.
104
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,179
Now it's dinner
and a movie.
105
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,448
Still a guy's guy, eh?
106
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,549
Ho-ho!
107
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:20,253
Don't worry, Carter.
There is a woman
out there somewhere
108
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,155
just waiting for you.
(CHUCKLES)
109
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,124
I won't rest
until I find her.
110
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:32,400
It's just that
he's the only person
I haven't come out to.
111
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:36,236
I wanted to, but
I just haven't figured out
a way to tell him!
112
00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,939
What about a singing
gorilla-gram?
113
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,011
(LISPING) * Well, I didn't
know how to tell you
114
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:45,913
* But I really
like the fellas
115
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,315
* Here's a balloon
for you *
116
00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,917
Step, kick!
117
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,927
This is just beautiful.
118
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,995
(WHISPERING)
119
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,933
Why do people always
whisper in church?
120
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,068
They do it out
of respect.
121
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,003
And would you
throw that away?
122
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:14,842
Stuart, that is
the poor box!
123
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:17,144
What? If they're poor,
they're hungry.
124
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:20,714
What do you mean
the wedding's not today?
125
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,115
Today's Saturday, isn't it?
126
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,485
Mike, you reserved
the church for
next Saturday.
127
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:27,521
I specifically remember
scheduling Paul's wedding
for the 24th
128
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,824
because on the 31st
the mayor's opening
a new V.A. Hospital,
129
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:34,327
and I arranged to have
the blue angels fly
over the ceremony.
130
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:38,298
(JETS FLYING OVERHEAD)
131
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,603
I wanted to see that.
132
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:47,908
Oh, what am I gonna do?
Paul and Claudia are
gonna be crushed.
133
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,343
I'm sorry. I'd like
to help you out,
134
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:54,748
but we have Edith Anderson's
funeral today.
135
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,751
A funeral? That's great.
136
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,887
Well, not great,
but... But...
137
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,622
It sounds like something
you could postpone.
138
00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:04,492
How would Mrs. Anderson
feel about that?
139
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,193
She's dead.
140
00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,897
I mean, a couple
more hours aren't
gonna kill her...
141
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,501
Again.
142
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:16,837
I'm sorry, Mike,
it's out of the question.
143
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,774
Ridiculous.
144
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,711
Look at this? God.
Wait a minute.
145
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,679
Father, I have
to talk to you.
146
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,581
Father?
147
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:32,252
Father! I'm gay.
148
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,659
Sir?
149
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,261
Sir, if we don't
leave now, we're gonna
be late for Paul's wedding.
150
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,564
Oh, b... B...
(STAMMERS)
151
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,298
So that stutter's
still a problem?
152
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,567
You know what might help?
153
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,235
Back in high school
before chorus practice
154
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,038
Mr. Baptisto would have us
do this exercise.
155
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,673
Betty Boda bought a bit
of better butter.
156
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,909
Betty Boda bought
a bit of better butter.
Okay, Now you try it.
157
00:07:58,679 --> 00:07:59,680
Maybe not.
158
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:04,217
It's no use. I c...
(STAMMERS)
Can't do it.
159
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,786
Wow, it's "C's" now.
160
00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:08,856
What am I gonna d... Do?
161
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,959
And there's the D's.
You're working your way
up the alphabet. Mr. Mayor.
162
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,426
It's fascinating.
163
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:16,363
Mr. Mayor, I did not buy this
bridesmaid dress for nothing.
164
00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:17,565
Now, I'm leaving
with or without you
165
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,099
after I return
councilman Weir's call.
166
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,401
He wants to know
if you're meeting him
at 5:00 or 6:00 on Monday.
167
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,904
We're meeting
at f... (STAMMERS)
168
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,739
I got it.
Six o'clock.
169
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:31,178
Hello, I'm Paul Lassiter.
How are you today?
170
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,213
This is the worst day
of my life.
171
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,316
Oh, come on! It's gonna
be a wonderful day.
172
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,119
I just lost
my favorite aunt.
173
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,321
Oh, what are you saying?
You haven't lost anyone!
174
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:42,590
You come over
to my apartment,
175
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,858
you see her anytime
you want!
176
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,460
You're gonna take her back
to your apartment?
177
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:48,929
Well, no,
not right away.
178
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,598
We're gonna go
to Hawaii first.
179
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:53,801
I really think she needs
to get a little color
back in her face.
180
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,604
You're a sick, sick man.
181
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:57,938
Enjoy!
182
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,607
See you after.
183
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,775
No present.
184
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,111
Hey, Paul.
185
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,146
Oh, Mike, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
186
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,648
The limousines,
the tuxedos,
187
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:10,050
and I'll tell you,
those blue angels
flying overhead...
188
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,785
That's very impressive.
189
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:16,323
Look, Paul, there's...
There's a problem
with the wedding.
190
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:20,894
Problem? Oh, God, no, no.
How big a problem?
191
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,703
I'm awful sorry about
your grandmother,
192
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,372
but you gotta understand
my situation here, okay?
193
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:33,641
Now, if you'd be willing
to help us out,
194
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,743
I would be glad to pay
for all your expenses
195
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:39,747
and to remove the cans
and the "just married"
sign from your hearse.
196
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:43,383
I'm so sorry.
197
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:45,653
I... I thought it was
one of those special limos
198
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,921
with the hot tub
in the back.
199
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:56,063
I'll give you an hour,
but that's all.
200
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,364
After that,
we begin the funeral.
201
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,466
I understand. You people
are very excited
202
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,101
to start mourning.
203
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:07,908
Okay, I got us an hour
for the wedding.
204
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,143
Let me go fetch the priest,
get this thing moving.
205
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,179
You can't do that, Mike.
206
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,380
I'm not gonna
fetch him.
207
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,783
I'll ask him nicely,
"Please come out."
208
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,918
I've knocked
Father Larry
unconscious.
209
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,021
Well, it's not
all bad news.
210
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,422
How can you say that?
211
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:25,225
Well, for starters,
it's not all my fault anymore.
212
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,264
Claudia's gonna be here
any second.
213
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,633
Someone should meet her
out back and tell her
everything's gonna be okay.
214
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,268
I am not doing it
unless he wakes up.
215
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:38,338
Ladies and gentlemen,
Nikki's only rule of dating.
216
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,844
We need smelling salts.
217
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:44,945
I got a better idea.
218
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,547
Paul, you still making
your own cologne?
219
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,784
Yeah. I call it Paulo...
220
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,619
For men.
221
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,588
Ooh, ooh!
222
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:59,492
Ooh, that burns!
223
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,328
You should probably be taken
to the hospital,
224
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:05,398
and we'll do that
as soon as you finish
performing the ceremony.
225
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:08,168
I'm sorry, Mike.
I just don't think
I could do it.
226
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:10,637
Oh, no.
Oh, God it's official.
227
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:12,773
This is the worst day
of my life!
228
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:13,874
No, it's all right,
it's all right.
229
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,409
All we have to do is
find someone else
230
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,847
who's legally qualified
to perform the ceremony.
231
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,157
I'm going to join
the other bridesmaids.
232
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:31,759
Ah.
233
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,763
Ah. See,
this is good, sir.
This is gonna work.
234
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,765
We found a noise
you can make consistently.
235
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,232
Ah!
236
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,601
If you just
stick with it, you will
not have any problems.
237
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,003
Ah!
238
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,204
Mr. Mayor.
239
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,338
Ah.
240
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:46,573
We got a problem.
241
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,375
The priest got knocked
in the head.
242
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,143
We need you to perform
the ceremony.
243
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,678
Ah-ah-ah!
244
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:56,817
I'm sorry, sir,
I can't take
"ah-ah-ah"
245
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,886
for an answer.
We got 25 minutes.
246
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,288
Ah...
247
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,224
He says he'll give it
his best shot.
248
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,961
Honey, you okay
in the confessional?
249
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,797
You have enough air?
250
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:12,565
CLAUDIA:
Honey, why were there
so many crying,
251
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:15,135
hysterical women
in my bridal room?
252
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:19,239
Well, what can I say, honey?
I'm a heartbreaker.
253
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:23,911
CLAUDIA: Paulie?
Yeah?
254
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:27,180
CLAUDIA: Honey,
let me take a sneak peak
at the church.
255
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,916
No, no, no, no!
256
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,584
Honey, it's bad luck if...
257
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,586
If... If you see each other
before the ceremony.
258
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:36,123
Oh, phooey on tradition.
I'm coming out.
259
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:37,690
No, no, no, no!
260
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,862
Jeez, you're a strong woman.
261
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:47,300
Carter, you have
to tell Father Larry.
262
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,601
I told him.
263
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:51,071
He was unconscious.
264
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,705
That's a technicality.
265
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,208
Look, here he comes.
You can do it.
Just be strong.
266
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,610
Father Larry...
267
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,848
This is one
of my parishioners, Tina.
268
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:04,852
She insists I go
to the hospital
for a quick x-ray.
269
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:08,655
By the way, she's single,
270
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:11,859
if you'd like to exchange
phone numbers.
271
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,028
(MOUTHING)
272
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:21,268
Tina, baby, I'm
in the phone book
under "L" for love.
273
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:31,644
Friend of the bride,
groom, or deceased?
274
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:34,214
I'm here to pay my respects
to Mrs. Anderson.
275
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,117
She was one of the kindest,
most gentle...
276
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,718
Yeah, yeah,
she was a real peach.
277
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,520
On the left,
and no crying
278
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:44,124
until after the bride
says "I do," okay?
Have a good time.
279
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,226
The Mayor's finally ready.
Can we get started?
280
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,996
Yeah. Hey, Ed, hit it!
281
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,664
Mike, you sure this
is gonna work?
282
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:52,966
Paulie.
283
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,668
Wow!
284
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:59,907
(BRIDAL CHORUS
PLAYS VERY SLOWLY)
285
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,182
Hey, Ed.
Got 10 minutes left.
Wanna speed it up, babe?
286
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:12,419
(MUSIC SPEEDED UP)
287
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,925
(WHISPERING) What is that?
288
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:20,427
Mike?
289
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,095
That's Paul's
grandfather.
290
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,834
He just really
wanted to be here.
291
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:33,273
(CLEARS THROAT)
But he's got bingo
at 3:30, so...
292
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,475
Mr. Mayor, you're on.
293
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,580
Dearly b...
(STAMMERS)
294
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,953
Dearly b...
(STAMMERS)
295
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,123
Ah. Ah.
296
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,125
That's a beautiful
sentiment, sir.
297
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,793
Time's up.
We're getting started.
298
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:56,964
Sir, why don't I bring
this baby home.
299
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:59,799
Mike, are you sure
this is legal?
300
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:02,202
What, are you
wearing a wire?
301
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,374
Dearly beloved, we are
gathered here today...
302
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:12,079
(CRYING) Why?
Why? Why?
303
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,347
Let me finish.
304
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,088
We are gathered here
today...
305
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:24,357
Uh, Paul, do you?
306
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,426
I do.
307
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,462
Great. Claudia,
I assume you're a ditto.
308
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,300
The best man has
the rings. That's me.
309
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,701
There you go.
310
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:37,837
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
Unless anyone here
has a reason
311
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,007
why this wedding
should not take place...
312
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,510
Don't look at her.
She's not gonna
say anything.
313
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,447
This is
a total disaster!
314
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:55,722
You know what
I'm gonna do?
315
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,090
I'm gonna go,
I'm gonna get
Claudia,
316
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,158
I'm gonna bring
her back here.
317
00:15:58,258 --> 00:15:59,526
I'm gonna make
everything right.
318
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:04,031
Mike, the band called.
They're not gonna show.
319
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,099
They got a better offer
to play the funeral.
320
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,200
All right, James.
321
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,868
From now on,
you are the band.
322
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:10,170
Cool!
323
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,139
Can I be Loverboy?
324
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,476
You can be
Captain and Tennille
for all I care.
325
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:21,048
(PLAYING SAMBA BEAT)
326
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,782
* At the copa
327
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,052
* Copacabana
328
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:28,555
* The hottest spot
north of Havana
329
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,390
* At the copa
330
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,458
* Ha!
331
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,226
* Copacabana
332
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:37,064
* Music and passion
were always in fashion
333
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,332
* At the copa
334
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:40,633
* Ah!
335
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:44,137
* They fell in love
336
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:49,376
Sir?
Yeah?
337
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,577
You're cured.
338
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,680
I'm c... (STAMMERS)
339
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:56,816
Ladies and gentlemen...
340
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,586
I am Loverboy.
341
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:04,424
Mike, there was a corpse
at my wedding.
342
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,826
Hey, Paul's not
the most exciting guy
in the world,
343
00:17:06,926 --> 00:17:08,628
but I wouldn't
call him a corpse.
344
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,198
I don't mean
to sound threatening,
345
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,499
but if you make another joke,
346
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,967
I'm gonna rip off your legs
and feed them to you.
347
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,637
Mike, you're back in.
348
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,473
Okay, Claudia, I'm gonna
make you a deal, okay?
349
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,375
You come with me back
to the reception,
350
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,278
I will let you rip all
the limbs off Stuart
you want.
351
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,815
And feed them to him?
352
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,583
It's your day, sweetie.
353
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:36,923
Through this door lies
the greatest happiness
you will ever know.
354
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,860
(FUNERAL MUSIC PLAYS)
355
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,305
I meant the next door.
356
00:18:18,064 --> 00:18:20,967
Bet you didn't know
that they kept those
in there, did you?
357
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,839
Yeah, she's gone.
358
00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,412
See you.
359
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,782
(CLINKING GLASS)
360
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,550
(GLASS SHATTERS)
361
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,919
Wonderful.
362
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,223
I know that traditionally
a toast is given
after the wedding,
363
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,558
but seeing as the groom
isn't speaking to me,
364
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,794
well, I figured
what the hell.
365
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,029
Paul and Claudia,
let me just
start by saying
366
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:51,864
that if you were
a mere mortal couple,
367
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,235
your relationship would
be buried back there
with Mrs. Anderson.
368
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,836
(RIM SHOT)
369
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,375
Maybe the funeral
was a message.
370
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,777
Maybe Mrs. Anderson
was there to remind us
371
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,913
that life goes by
very quickly,
372
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,949
and we don't have a lot
of chances to be truly happy.
373
00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,651
Or maybe she was just there
to remind us
374
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,554
that blow-drying
your hair in the bathtub
is never a good idea.
375
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:19,892
But seriously, I just want
to say that I love you guys...
376
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,528
(RIM SHOT)
377
00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:25,932
To Paul...
378
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,235
And Claudia.
379
00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:30,737
Mr. Mayor, you're on.
380
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,405
(STAMMERING)
Hi... Hi... Hi...
381
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,840
Hit it, James.
382
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,242
(COPACABANA PLAYS)
383
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,009
* And do you, Paulie
384
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:39,279
* Take this girl Claudia
385
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,914
* To be your lawful
wedded wife
386
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,751
* Even in those times
of strife
387
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,262
I do.
388
00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,931
* And do you, Claudia
389
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,933
* Take this guy Paulie
390
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,703
* To be your one
and only man
391
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,038
* Even though he doesn't tan
392
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,078
* When you walk out that door
393
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,946
* It means forever more
394
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,182
* Instead of one
you will be two
395
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:19,519
* If you just say I do
396
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,557
I do.
397
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:28,461
* I'm glad you found me
398
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,529
* Hey
399
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,797
* Quite entrancing
400
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:31,931
* Ha
401
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:35,134
* But now it is time
for some dancing
402
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,036
* So Paul and Claudia
403
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,639
* Start your romancing
404
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,674
* Now I'm proud
to announce
405
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:44,043
* That I'm going
to pronounce you
406
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:47,079
* For the first time
407
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:51,318
* As man and wife
408
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,925
Sir, sir, sir, sir?
(WHISPERS)
Can I kiss her?
409
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,327
Kiss the bride, sir.
410
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,364
Paul, you may k...
(STAMMERS)
411
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,434
Sir, if it makes
you feel any better,
412
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:10,737
there's never been
a Mayor of New York city
elected president.
413
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:12,839
(RELIEVED SIGH)
414
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,141
Paul, you may...
415
00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:19,712
Kiss your beautiful bride.
416
00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,718
Thank you,
thank you very much.
417
00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:27,620
Thank you.
418
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,357
No, no, really, thank you.
Thank you very much.
419
00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:34,627
ALL: * Copa
Copacabana
420
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:38,365
* The hottest spot
north of Havana
421
00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:40,266
* At the copa
422
00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,369
* Copacabana
423
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:46,373
(ALL STOP SINGING)
424
00:21:46,439 --> 00:21:50,076
Father Larry?
I'm a homosexual!
425
00:21:51,378 --> 00:21:52,712
Hit it!
426
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:58,150
* Music and passion
were always in fashion
427
00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,653
* At the copa
428
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:03,823
* They fell in love
30906
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