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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,544 Jenkins is dead. 2 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,847 "Hal Jenkins of Manhattan died today 3 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:15,216 "at the age of 106." 4 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:16,584 Wow. 5 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:17,885 Just goes to show you, huh, sir? 6 00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:19,887 One day you're here, and... 7 00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:20,988 A century later... 8 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,192 Poof. 9 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:25,493 Makes you think. 10 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,661 Guess how he died, Mike. 11 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,963 Snapped in half and crumbled into a ball of dust? 12 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,601 He was jogging on the treadmill at my club 13 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:36,270 and fell over. Do you know what this means? 14 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,539 An old guy got flung across the room? 15 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,975 No. Well, yes. 16 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:45,246 But it also means there is an opening at Cabot House. 17 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,680 Sir, with all due respect, you know, 18 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,750 they probably haven't pried Jenkins out of the wall yet. 19 00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:51,985 Well, you know how I feel about your club. 20 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,788 It's elitist, it's exclusionary, it's snobbish... 21 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,024 Why do you think it's so hard to get in? 22 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,594 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 23 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,150 All right. Listen up. 24 00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,822 Thank you! 25 00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:31,392 I want everyone to stay away from 26 00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,227 a reporter named Phil Hockner. 27 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:34,995 Look at this cheap shot. 28 00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,597 He said the mayor didn't come through on his promise 29 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,832 to clean up the South Bronx landfill. 30 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,701 Mike...He didn't. 31 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,404 Well, you go... 32 00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,473 Try and clean up a landfill, 33 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,807 and... and you come back 34 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,642 and you tell me that isn't a cheap shot. 35 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,179 Mike, old buddy. 36 00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,014 You are looking sharp. 37 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,783 You have got a thing going on... 38 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:59,420 And you are down with the ladies. 39 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,289 How much money do you want, James? 40 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:02,656 Just enough for lunch? 41 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,692 Oh, Come on. This is the fifth day in a row! 42 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,260 Please tell me you're not spending this 43 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,429 on that childish train set. 44 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,798 Childish! Mike, I'm not the one 45 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:14,101 who has that stupid vibrating football game. 46 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:17,205 I've seen that at the store, Mike. It says ages 8-12. 47 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,839 Okay, first of all... 48 00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,543 This isn't about me. 49 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,280 Second of all, the box says ages 8 and above. 50 00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:28,816 I'm above. 51 00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,820 What do you want the money for, James? 52 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:36,089 I'm learning to play a new street game called three-card monte. 53 00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:38,025 Mike, all you have to do is find the queen. 54 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,860 Find the queen! 55 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,062 That sounds like a game that... 56 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,332 Sounds like a game that Carter would play. 57 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,133 Isn't Carter the city champion? 58 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,769 That sounds like Carter reading the personal ads. 59 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,738 There. Can we go eat now? 60 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,610 Don't worry, Mike. I'm gonna make all my money back. 61 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,079 The guy in front of me wins all the time. 62 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:00,881 No way! 63 00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,018 It's not the same guy every time, is it? 64 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,820 It is! 65 00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,822 I haven't got all day to try and explain this to you, 66 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:12,426 So let me just say this, I forbid you to play that game. 67 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,527 Okay? 68 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,263 Listen, uh, Stacey, 69 00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:17,064 I'm gonna have lunch with the mayor at his club, 70 00:03:17,164 --> 00:03:21,101 so can you put these business cards in your rolodex for me? 71 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,274 Okay I'll tell you what. I'll uh... 72 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,808 Put the first one in... 73 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,844 And I'll get you rolling. 74 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,146 Gimme a break, Mike. I'm reading a classic here. 75 00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:34,782 Don't you want me to better myself? 76 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,150 She's in our book club. A bunch of women from City Hall 77 00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,886 are meeting tomorrow for a group discussion. 78 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,921 A girls' book club? Why don't you just buy... 79 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,790 Why don't you just buy a condo in Florida, get six cats, 80 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,292 and call it a life? 81 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,727 Will you stop doing that? 82 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,633 So admit it. You enjoyed our little squash game. 83 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,435 Uh, afraid not, sir. 84 00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,169 Why not? 85 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:57,305 You played naked. 86 00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,773 Well, that's one of the perks of the club. 87 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,942 You aren't encumbered by gym clothes. 88 00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,177 I do feel that I was at a disadvantage 89 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,947 because, uh... I couldn't look at you. 90 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,551 So, sir, I thought the Cabot House 91 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:14,488 changed its charter a few years back to, uh... admit women. 92 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:18,191 Well, we did, although there aren't many female members... 93 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,427 I'm guessing none. 94 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,495 How did you know? 95 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,831 Well, I had a look at the club registry. 96 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,434 The president of the ladies' auxiliary is, uh... 97 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,336 Frank Costello. 98 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,438 I know you have moral objections, Mike, 99 00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,039 but you see... 100 00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:36,143 I grew up in a world of boys' schools, boys' clubs, 101 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:37,545 boys' dances. 102 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,381 What ever happened to that world? 103 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,216 It's called San Francisco. 104 00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,485 Psst! 105 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:48,456 Psst! 106 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,461 I understand Mike put the kibosh on the gambling? 107 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:55,796 What's it to you? 108 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,531 I happen to know somebody in the office 109 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,732 who can help you win your money back. 110 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,200 Really? Who? 111 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,370 Pick a card, any card. 112 00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:05,939 Got it. Don't tell me. 113 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:11,144 Seven of clubs. Seven of clubs! That's amazing! 114 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:16,083 Oh, my gosh. You turned the whole deck into seven of clubs! 115 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,553 James, I happen to be a master 116 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:20,821 of the sleight of hand, 117 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:24,392 or as we like to call it... prestidigitation. 118 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,460 I went to magic camp three summers in a row. 119 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:27,695 At the end of the third year, 120 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,697 I got my certificate of completion. 121 00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,866 Isn't it a one-year course? 122 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,302 You wanna win your money back or what? 123 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:38,406 The Cabot House is like a second home to me, Mike. 124 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:40,441 I was just hoping it would win you over. 125 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,175 No offense. It's just... 126 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,777 It's not my type of crowd. 127 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:44,945 That's Jeff Gibbons over there. 128 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,415 He's a CEO of Pierce Brothers publishing. 129 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,851 Bryan Rush manages the largest mutual fund in America, 130 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,421 And, of course, you know John Dorris! 131 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,688 Well, look who's here. 132 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:57,057 (CHUCKLING) Hey, Flaherty! 133 00:05:57,157 --> 00:06:00,160 You know, if you ever wanna get out of politics 134 00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:03,431 and put your law degree to real use, 135 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,165 Give us a call. 136 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,601 Thank you, John. I'm flattered. 137 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,069 He's with me. 138 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,309 So, you see, Mike? 139 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:17,645 Well, I have to admit, sir, 140 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:21,048 there are some very impressive people here, but, uh... 141 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,183 I just... 142 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,318 Oh, that's good! 143 00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:27,788 Wait, wait, wait! Don't take another bite 144 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,657 Until Jerry loosens you up with a little deep-tissue massage. 145 00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:30,724 Jerry! 146 00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:31,825 Really, sir, don't bother, 147 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:34,462 because it's not gonna change my... 148 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:35,663 Oh, God, that's good. 149 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,832 Oh, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! 150 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:43,937 Hey. Hey, Mike. 151 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,474 Yeah, I know. seven of clubs. 152 00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,542 So, Mike, did you have a nice time at your lunch? 153 00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:51,812 Of course not, Stuart. He will not tolerate that kind of sexism. 154 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,547 He is an enlightened man. 155 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:58,385 Tell me you did not have a good time at that lunch. 156 00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,554 I did not have a good time at that lunch. 157 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,657 I had a great time at that lunch. 158 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,825 Yes! 159 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,127 * Men, men, men, men 160 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,262 How could you have a good time at a place like that? 161 00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,298 Oh, Nikki, have you ever had your butt massaged 162 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,266 between salad and main course? 163 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,869 Unfortunately, yes. 164 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,939 Mike, that club is nothing but a bunch of wealthy guys 165 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,240 who sit around and make decisions 166 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,575 that affect other people's lives. 167 00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,644 I have to land on the female side on this one. 168 00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,513 Well, knock me over with a feather! 169 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,816 Really, Mike, it just reeks of discrimination. 170 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,417 I mean, if they don't accept women, 171 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:33,521 they're probably not too hot about gays and blacks, either. 172 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,323 Not my kinda place. Ha! 173 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:38,926 To Carter! 174 00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,728 Hear, hear. 175 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:41,929 You guys are the best! 176 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,999 Carter, you really should meet my nephew. 177 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,234 He's gay. 178 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,036 To hell with your nephew. 179 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,103 I'm gay! 180 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,204 Oh, ho! 181 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,574 (ALL LAUGHING) 182 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,611 Oh, my. 183 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:01,849 Stacey, what about you? 184 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,316 What did you think about The Great Gatsby? 185 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,786 Well, I think it's nice to know that however rich you get, 186 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:09,456 you know, there's still the same problems... drinking and cheating, 187 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:12,693 the lost innocence of a dissolute generation. 188 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,563 I read that off the book jacket. 189 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,767 Hey, am I late? 190 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,570 I think you're confusing late with uninvited. 191 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,973 Oh. Apparently your little club doesn't allow men. 192 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,140 How ironic. 193 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,910 Of course we do. If they read the book. 194 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,579 I read The Great Gatsby. 195 00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,013 Really? 196 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,649 Yeah. I picked it up while I researching nicknames for my... 197 00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:36,984 Stuart! 198 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,786 No. Little Stuart. 199 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:43,090 Burgers really were better at the Cabot House, 200 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,157 weren't they? 201 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,326 (TAPPING) Plus... 202 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,996 They have that ketchup boat... 203 00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:50,998 Which is nice. 204 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,401 It's just too bad that we 205 00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,670 object to that place on... 206 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:57,871 so many levels. 207 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,407 Ah. So...Many. 208 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:02,876 Be nice to go back. 209 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,712 We could go back, give 'em a piece of our minds. 210 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,513 Tell them how outraged we are. 211 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:07,781 Maybe grab a little lunch. 212 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,117 Just a quick bite. We'll really rub their noses in it. 213 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,253 Deputy mayor Michael Flaherty! 214 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,422 Ah. Annoying reporter, Phil Hockner. 215 00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,390 Got a second to answer a question? 216 00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:18,892 For you, Phil? 217 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:20,628 No. 218 00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:23,496 I have a picture of the mayor... 219 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:26,499 Exiting an exclusively male club. 220 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,002 All right, Phil. I'm gonna level with you. 221 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,872 This picture was taken months ago when the mayor was a member. 222 00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:35,008 But, uh... He found out they weren't admitting women. 223 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:38,278 He quit, and he swore he'd never set foot in the place again. 224 00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,013 So unless you have any more questions, 225 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,148 will you please excuse us? 226 00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:42,482 We were having a little conversation about 227 00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,317 how difficult it is for women to get ahead 228 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,886 in this male-dominated world. 229 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,293 Well, you, uh... 230 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:54,862 shut him down very nicely. 231 00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,930 It's politics, Carter. You gotta stay one step ahead. 232 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,366 Hey, Janelle. Yeah, where's the mayor? 233 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,134 Ah. At the club. 234 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,303 Ha ha. Course he is. 235 00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,372 Okay. Thank you. 236 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,840 All right. I'm heading down to Cabot House. 237 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,009 You go back and hold down the fort. 238 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:13,180 Fine. But if I hear you had a hamburger 239 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,915 or got a massage, 240 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,050 so help me god, there's gonna be trouble. 241 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,554 MAN: Round and around and around she goes, 242 00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,190 and where she ends up 243 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,858 nobody knows. Show it to me. 244 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,761 Aw, man! 245 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,897 I'm so sorry. You have a nice day now. 246 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,999 Hey, hey, hey! 247 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,701 My man! 248 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,536 This is my friend right here. This is my personal ATM! 249 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,040 Step up, Wisconsin. What you wanna do? 250 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,408 Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast, bub. 251 00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:43,110 I'm gonna play for the kid today. 252 00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,345 Oh, big brother. All right. 253 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,147 So what's the wager? 254 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,182 Whaddaya say to a finsky, huh? 255 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:50,984 Okay. 256 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:51,952 You know the rules. 257 00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,086 Do I need to sell him a pamphlet? 258 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,888 Nice try. I already bought a pamphlet. 259 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,124 Come on, let's get goin', all right? 260 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,591 Okay. So here we go. 261 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,127 You gotta watch the queen to get the green. 262 00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,429 You don't watch the queen, you can't get the green. 263 00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:04,297 See, the trick, James... 264 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,034 Is to keep your eyes... 265 00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:08,836 On the queen. 266 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,904 You don't get that green. You gotta show me that queen! 267 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,374 The the lef... no, no! okay, Stop! Okay! The right! 268 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:15,743 Okay, stop! The middle! 269 00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,978 Okay. The middle. The middle. The middle. 270 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:18,912 Yes! 271 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,748 All right, Paul! We won! All right! 272 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,082 Okay. Okay. Okay. Now... 273 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,118 We go for the big bucks. James, give me your wallet. 274 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:31,658 Sir? 275 00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,493 Over here, Mike. 276 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,462 (PANTS) There you are. 277 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:36,764 Listen, I need you to get dressed. 278 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,098 We gotta get out of here. 279 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:41,902 Oh, I just sprayed some eucalyptus oil, Mike. Smell it. 280 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:43,603 Sir, I grew up in New York. 281 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:44,905 I'm not gonna fall for that. 282 00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:47,240 Come on, let's go. I'll explain to you in the car. 283 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,848 Then again, why rush? 284 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:56,984 It's so nice in here. 285 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,801 Still there, isn't he? (EXHALES) 286 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,069 I'm losing faith in my plan to wait him out, sir. 287 00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:18,638 I don't believe the guy's 288 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,207 just gonna sit by my locker 289 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:21,909 and hope that I show up. 290 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,879 Seems like a stupid plan, doesn't it, sir? 291 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,917 PAUL: Here we go. Round and round she goes, 292 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,451 And where they stop, nobody knows. 293 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,286 Find the queen... it's here! Damn! 294 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,423 You just lost to yourself. 295 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:37,825 When are you guys gonna learn? 296 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,326 You can't win at these games. 297 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:42,062 Oh, yeah? Here. Find the lady. 298 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,297 And round and round she goes, and... 299 00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:45,432 Find the queen. 300 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,201 Damn! 301 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:50,838 I thought you said you can't win. 302 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,539 No, I said you can't win. 303 00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:53,706 The reason you can't find the queen 304 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,108 is because they palm it. 305 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,878 Palm it? James, hand me my big book of magic terms. 306 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,849 Wait. They cheat? This isn't fair! 307 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,951 Yes, James, cheating isn't fair. 308 00:13:04,051 --> 00:13:07,554 Kids, thanks for tuning in to this week's after school special, 309 00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:09,957 "The Boy who Played Three-Card Monte." 310 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,861 Yeah, I'm calling about a fire. 311 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,097 No, no, not to report one. 312 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,132 To request one. 313 00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,903 I want you to send some trucks... 314 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,537 And clear this building out. 315 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,441 Louise... 316 00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,243 Louise, I'm the deputy mayor. 317 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,880 I will decide what is illegal. 318 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,884 Louise? 319 00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:38,919 Ah, damn it. 320 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,621 Phone shorted out. 321 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:44,457 Sir, I told you this club was not a good idea. 322 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,426 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 323 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,530 You have to understand something, Mike. 324 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:52,900 This place fills a void for me... 325 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,168 My daughter's all grown up. My wife is gone. 326 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,737 Plus I'm the mayor. It's not easy for me to meet new people. 327 00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,172 Look, sir, I'm sorry 328 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,708 you're not gonna have a relationship with this club anymore, 329 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:04,644 but if you ever want a friend, you want someone to hang out with, 330 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:05,946 You know, just call me. 331 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,582 Oh, Mike, you don't want to hang out with me. 332 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,351 You're single, you're attractive... 333 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:13,653 You're the mayor. 334 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:16,289 You're a babe magnet. 335 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,927 You know, I was considered, uh... 336 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,929 Quite the wing man in my school days. 337 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:26,199 Did a little flying myself in college. 338 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,067 (SNICKERS) 339 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:28,969 My most famous mission... 340 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,271 Thirty seconds over Gladdis. 341 00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,074 Okay, now I see how they do it. 342 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,676 All right, Carter, come here. Bet with me. 343 00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,946 I don't want to bet with you. I just taught you how to do it. 344 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:42,415 Come on. $5.00, and find... 345 00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,151 The queen! 346 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,819 Flip those two. What? 347 00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,455 I said flip those cards. 348 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,792 Two kings! 349 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,995 So... This must be the queen, 350 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,463 unless you're cheating, of course. 351 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,965 You're killing me, Carter! 352 00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,532 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 353 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,768 Hello? 354 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,503 Uh, yeah. Mike. 355 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:04,604 I'll be right there. 356 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,239 In fact, I'll take a cab. 357 00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,177 I'm telling you, Gatsby had a chance 358 00:15:10,277 --> 00:15:11,578 at Daisy when they were young and single, 359 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:12,712 and he walked away. 360 00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:13,846 He has a point. 361 00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,448 The only thing that I don't get is if Daisy 362 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:18,151 loved him so much, why didn't she just leave her husband? 363 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,686 Because women honor their commitments. 364 00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,254 They don't feel comfortable cheating. 365 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:25,058 Ha. It really is hard finding a good cheating woman. 366 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,760 I have a question for you. 367 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,397 This guy I've been seeing 368 00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:32,665 last night gave me a really expensive necklace for no reason. 369 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,834 What does that mean? 370 00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,836 Look, one of us gave up free tickets to the Rangers game 371 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,238 to stay home and read last night, 372 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,040 so either I want to see a fight break out, 373 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,441 or I want to talk about this book. 374 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:45,712 Fine. Stuart, what does it mean if... 375 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,881 Gatsby were to give a very expensive necklace 376 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:51,551 to Daisy for no reason? 377 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,754 He's feeling guilty because he's fooling around. 378 00:15:54,854 --> 00:15:56,056 Really? 379 00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,626 I really like the necklace, though. 380 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,299 CARTER: Voila! 381 00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,767 I made it. 382 00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:10,370 What the hell are you doing in here? 383 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,506 You're supposed to cause a diversion so we can get out! 384 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,708 You just told me to just come right down. 385 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,477 Read... Between... The lines! 386 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,279 Fine, I'll just go right back... 387 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:20,547 No, no, no. That's too risky. 388 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,615 You gotta stay here now. He might see you. 389 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,385 Oh, man. 390 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,854 All right, well, there's no phone, so... 391 00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:30,057 I guess we just wait here until... 392 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,958 One of the other members comes to help us out. 393 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:33,760 I prefer to steam alone. 394 00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:36,529 I booked the room for the whole day. 395 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,267 It's just never enough for you, is it? 396 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,477 Trying to break a sweat there, Mike? 397 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,413 I have no phone. 398 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,149 Nobody is coming to help us! 399 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:57,950 Your cell phone's back on. 400 00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,386 I'm back in business! 401 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,555 (PHONE RINGING) 402 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:03,456 Yeah? 403 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:04,824 Stacey, listen to me. 404 00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,093 Mike, is that you? 405 00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,960 I want you to listen very carefully 406 00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:09,562 and do everything I say. 407 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:12,865 First... Cancel my vacation to Florida. 408 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,503 Second... 409 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:20,140 I am trapped in the Cabot House steam room 410 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,674 with the mayor. 411 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,111 I want you to get everybody together, 412 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:27,147 come down here, and create a diversion 413 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,915 so we can get... (PHONE BEEPING) 414 00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,117 Hello? 415 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,451 Hello? 416 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,453 Day of reckoning. 417 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,587 The point of no return. 418 00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:36,489 It is now or never... Gimme the money. 419 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,463 All of it, James. 420 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:47,867 Good-bye, guys. 421 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,904 (GROANING) 422 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,377 Mike, could you spray some more eucalyptus? 423 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,784 So thirsty... 424 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:12,959 * So thirsty 425 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,963 (WHISPERS) So thirsty. 426 00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,300 As someone who's been here longer than you, 427 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,501 I don't want to hear it. 428 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,836 I've been here the longest. 429 00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,410 Man, that guy's patient. 430 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,814 Oh, sure. He's in a climate- controlled environment. 431 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,015 We're in Hell. 432 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,752 I pity the man who has to wash this towel. 433 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,089 This is not good. 434 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:47,026 Wait a second. This is the diversion! 435 00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:48,795 We should be leaving! 436 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,597 ALL: Ta-da! 437 00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,265 No! No! 438 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:55,502 Why does everybody insist on breaking in here? 439 00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:57,804 Create a diversion and get everyone down here. 440 00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,373 Frankly, I think I deserve a bonus. 441 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,442 It's been like this all day. 442 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,544 I'm gonna put my suit back on... 443 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:11,218 The rest of you, if you're not already naked, 444 00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,285 Strip down. 445 00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:13,353 Mike! 446 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,555 You heard the man. Exactly what he says. 447 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,058 Can you help me with my pants? 448 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,027 Come on, Mr. Man! 449 00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,094 Here we go! 450 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:24,631 Oh, ho! It's Wisconsin and his big brother. 451 00:19:24,731 --> 00:19:26,098 What? Y'all want another beating? 452 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,235 $300! 453 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:31,238 You wanna bet $300? 454 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,040 You heard the man. 455 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,107 All right, y'all. 456 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,676 Come on, let's do this. 457 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,011 $300. Find the queen, you keep the green. 458 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,480 Show me the queen, you keep the green. 459 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,250 Show me the queen. Where the queen? Where the queen? 460 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,351 Turn over those two! 461 00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:45,652 Cop! 462 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,888 PAUL: Wait! 463 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:49,956 Come back! 464 00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:51,958 He took all my money. 465 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,426 But, the point is... 466 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,861 Is that he didn't beat us. 467 00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:58,030 You see? Because there is no queen. Look! King! King! 468 00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,266 King! 469 00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:04,737 Can I have a sip of that? 470 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:13,045 Deputy Mayor Mike Flaherty. 471 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:19,185 One second, annoying reporter Phil Hockner. 472 00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,326 Here's some towels. 473 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:27,927 STUART: We don't need 'em! NIKKI: Shut up, Stuart! 474 00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,464 With you here, Mike, I've got my story. 475 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,233 "Mayor hides ties to elitist club." 476 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,935 Randall Winston hides nothing. 477 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,137 He's a man... 478 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,840 Whose actions speak louder than his words. 479 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,743 He's a man of great vision. 480 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:45,845 I can't see. 481 00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:50,049 With all due respect, sir, I've gotcha. 482 00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:52,218 With all due respect, Phil, no, you don't. 483 00:20:52,319 --> 00:20:54,687 Come on in, guys. Right here. 484 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:55,855 The mayor has a statement to make 485 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,223 about the admission of women here 486 00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:58,325 at Cabot House. 487 00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:00,927 Sir... 488 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,802 The Cabot House has to catch up to the times. 489 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:13,606 I'm afraid we have to go co-ed. 490 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,876 Oh, hell, I'm delighted we have to go co-ed. 491 00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:19,111 All right. Let's get some pictures. 492 00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:24,351 I want some copies of these. 493 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,621 I'm not much of a bar type of guy. 494 00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,156 I'm really only here with the book club. 495 00:21:30,256 --> 00:21:32,925 I mean, what are the odds that I'm gonna find a woman here 496 00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:36,396 who wants what I want? A commitment, children, 497 00:21:36,496 --> 00:21:37,864 a cedar closet. 498 00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:42,902 Wow...I never met someone who I felt so in touch with. 499 00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:44,571 How do you know so much about women? 500 00:21:44,671 --> 00:21:46,706 Books. I'm a reader. 501 00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:49,108 I thought we were having a book club. 502 00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,010 We are. Hi. 503 00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:53,245 We just phased out the book reading part of the book club. 504 00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:54,447 How are you? 505 00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:57,016 Shh, shh, shh. SportsCenter's on. 506 00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,150 Very nice. 36005

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