All language subtitles for Spin.City.S02E08.1080p.WEB.H264-DiMEPiECE_track3_[eng]

* I'm in the mood for love

* Simply because
I'm Mike Flaherty *

And he saw
that it was good.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

(WHISTLING)

Coming.

Hey. Hey! Hey!

Let romance begin.

I'm writing
All My Children's
new character,

and I thought
he was going to appear

after we find out
whether Dimitri or Edmund
will raise Mattie.

Lisa, I know
we've only gone out
a couple of times,

but when you said
you wanted to come over
and get a little work done,

I thought you meant
you wanted
to come over and, uh...

get a little work done.

How could you possibly
make that sexual?

Oh, that's easy.
I can do that
with anything.

I'll take your word
for it.

Will you take my word
for it,

or will you
take my word for it?

Will you help me
with my new character?

Sure. Ah...
Mick Flannery,

Deputy Mayor
of New York City.

Lives for crisis,
can handle anything

his job throws at him.

Boy, this could be me
if you mentioned
dashing good looks

and raw animal
magnetism.

I love this guy.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, due to the somewhat
revealing hole

in James' overalls,

casual Fridays has now been
changed to casual Saturdays.

Mike, I was wearing
underwear.

We're painfully aware
of that.

You should make the move
up to a medium.

Mike, I have an issue
I think we should address.

Little old ladies.

Okay, and where do we stand
on little old ladies?

I know a place in the village

where you can pay them
to stand on you.

I'm just tired of seeing
little old ladies

standing in the subway

while young people sit there
pretending not to see them.

Uh, Paul, less talking

and more not talking.

I hate the subway.
I'm so sick of guys

using my breasts
to steady themselves.

Nikki, God gave you
a knee. Use it.

Uh, Paul wants me
to ask you

what you thought
of his proposal

to have the mayor
appear in a series

of live town hall meetings.

Mike says great idea,

but after careful
consideration,

he's gonna
have to pass.

Uh-oh.

Paul, last time
you said "Uh-oh",

all the trees
in Central Park died.

Here's the thing. I may have
inadvertently mentioned
the idea to the mayor,

and I seem to recall
a celebratory embrace.

Well, I hate to be
the bad guy here,
so, uh...

Show's canceled.

Finally, kudos
to Carter and Stuart.

They went to
a benefit last night.

They got their picture
in the paper.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

NIKKI:
"Carter Heywood
and friend."

Ha! Friend is in quotes.

No!

What...
What do quotes mean?

Quotes mean gay, James.

Stuart's been outed.

Am I on yet?

Shh.

Why, Mike, it looks
just like you.

Mike, this is so cool!
You're a TV star.

Let romance begin.

That's exactly what I said.

She put our date on TV.

You know, Mick,
if these lips
are free tomorrow night,

maybe you can give me
a tour of your apartment.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

It's a TV show.
That never happened.

Just because she said that
doesn't mean

I'm gonna have some
wild sexual adventure.

I'm gonna need
some champagne

and a dozen roses sent
to my apartment tonight.

What about your breakfast
with Councilman Nader?

Oh, cancel that.
Mick is sleeping in.

Hey, Stuart.
If you need any help

acclimating to your
new lifestyle...

Leave me alone.

Okay, first off,
we're not
a hostile people.

Stuart.

I'll see you later,
sweetie.

Jeannie, I already told you
I wasn't stalking you.

I was sketching
your building.

I saw your picture
in the newspaper.

I can explain that.

Shh. Now I understand.

Your relentless
hitting on me was just
a way of covering.

I don't know
why I didn't think
of it before.

I mean, (CHUCKLES)
nobody's that desperate.

Really.

I think
it's kind of sweet.

So, now that
you know I'm gay,

you're comfortable
with me?

Of course.
In fact, let's go
have drinks tonight.

Yeah. It'll be kind of
a girls' night out.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

That's a cute blouse.

Not too see-through?

Mmm. No, no.
Okay.

Sir.
Oh, Mike.
Check this out.

I'm working on a move
for my new TV show.

Now...

When I answer a question,

does it make me look wiser
if I take my glasses off
like this?

Or if I put them on
like this.

(CHUCKLES) Oh!

I'm not sure if...
If really...
If live TV is

the best way
to present yourself.

How about we write out
a script,

we videotape it,
and then we edit out
all the unflattering parts.

You know,
show the real you.

Oh, Mike, it's got
to be live TV.

I don't know if I've ever
told you this before, Mike,

but all of my life I've dreamt
of being an entertainer.

The first time Uncle Milty
appeared on that glowing tube
in my childhood living room

wearing a woman's dress
and a wig and makeup,

I felt...
that could be for me.

Okay.

I am gonna need
final approval
over your wardrobe.

Well, Paul,
congratulations.

Your town hall meetings
are a go.

Yes! Yes!

Come on, Mike.
"Yes" with me.

No.

I hate this idea.

There are 10,000 issues
out there,

and the mayor can't
possibly be informed
on all of them.

But we're still
doing it?

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

I'm telling you,
I got charts here,

a list of why
this will work.

Paul, just a sec.

(BEEPS)

(CLEARS THROAT) Stacey?

(WHISPERS) Code red.

Get out.

You know, if we're gonna
do this code red thing,

you gotta come up with
something a little more subtle
than "Get out."

Hey, I stick
to what works.

Okay, I got the flowers
and the champagne
all taken care of.

And here.
A Dean Martin CD,
just in case.

Just in case what,
her mom comes with her?

Growing up,
I was a sensitive boy,

and being so sensitive,
the other boys
would tease me.

About my sensitivity.

To be honest,
sensitivity's what women

find so appealing
about gay men.

About that...

How do I say this?

As gay as I am,

being with you
is so confusing.

Are you trying to say
you're attracted to me?

Yes.

I want you, Jeannie.

Oh, but how can that be
if I'm...

Maybe you're not.

Maybe we should
go back
to my apartment

and try to find out
who you really are.

Check, please.

LISA: Mike,
what's taking you
so long?

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Oh, come on.
You got nothing
to worry about.

You should hope
this is on TV,

'cause you're gonna
be great.

In fact, I can give you
a hundred reasons

why you're gonna
rule that bed.

You're cute,
you don't rush,

you put her needs first.

LISA: Mike,
I'm getting lonely.

In a second!

Oh. And you do
that thing

where you're kind of
on your side

and you reach down
and you...

You should do that.

Go get her, tiger.

I should warn you.

Just because I'm a gentleman
doesn't mean I'm gentle.

Oh, my God.
I work for James Bond.

So tell me. How was it
with Mick last night?

Drum roll, please.
GILLIAN: Well...

Not great.

Well, you heard her.

She said, "Hot, great."

No, Mike, she said,
"Not great."

It was quite clear.
We all heard that,
right?

I heard "Dot gate."

I heard "Lot mate."

What does that have to do
with being

sexually inadequate?
(MIKE GASPS SOFTLY)

Oh, God.

She seemed
to be enjoying herself. I...

What, do you think
she faked it?

No, no, Mike.
Women don't do that.

No, Mike.
You're the best.

I heard "Top date."

Too late, James!

I believe
the accurate figures
are as follows.

During summer, there are
191 public parks open.

146 of them have either

kiddie pools
or splash fountains.

And that's an increase
of 30% over last year.

And that's an increase
of over 30% from last year.

And that's an increase of 30%
over last year.

Mike is gonna love it.

(SNEEZES)

Bless you, Paul.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Yes?

Yes. Do you think
the budget surplus

means you'll be
lowering tolls
on the bridges?

Switch it back,
switch it back.

No, that's last year's!
That's last year's.

This is last year's.
This is last...
Don't panic!

Don't panic! Ah-ah-ah!

I have an answer.
Hot coffee, hot coffee.

Burning thighs...
Ow, ow! 911.

Hey, Flaherty.
If you're having trouble
in the sack,

I give a free clinic
at my apartment,
Saturday nights.

That's a good one,
Roberta.

You really should
do it, man.

Changed my life.

Where's the mayor,
Janelle?

He might be
in his dressing room.

Office.

Hey, Paulie.

Still feeling good
about the town hall
meetings?

All right. I admit
there was a tiny glitch.

Enormous glitch.

Other glitches
gather to pray

at the base
of this glitch.

But you got to admit
there were
a few bright spots.

Oh, yeah, like the moment
when the mayor

responded to the question
about new homeless shelters

by saying, "Damn it,
just put the ice
down my pants."

You think that was
hard for the mayor...

I'm the one
who had to do it.

All right. Look,
we promised the press

a series of
town hall meetings.

That means we have
to do at least two.

Actually, Mike, I think
a series is more like five.

Paul, I'm gonna give you
a series of beatings.

You're gonna tell me
when to stop.

I am not gonna
let the mayor
do another show.

And seeing as you are
the only one

with no credibility left
to damage,

I have no choice
but to choose you
as the new host.

Yes!

"Not great?"

You saw the show.

Oh, yeah. Hey,
what can I say?

Lisa, I'm a fan.

Oh, come on, Mike.
You were trying
so hard,

you were all over
the bed.

Oh, and I meant
to ask you.

How did you get
your head caught

between the mattress
and the box spring?

Hey, look. I might have
rushed a few moves
into production

before they were
properly tested,

but I didn't know you were
gonna put it on TV!

Hey, I put myself on too.

What, the beautiful
sexual dynamo

who every man wants
but none can have?

I'm a writer,
and I'm inspired

by the people I feel
passionate about.

And I hope that
if you dig down deep,

you'll find that means
as much to you
as it does to me.

Let me check.

No.

I was hoping to have
this memorized,

but there was just no time.

There is your part.
I start.

"Lisa, I think
you're basically
a nice person,

"but I just don't think
we can see each other
anymore."

"Michael, you are
the greatest guy
I have ever dated."

"You are so wise,
and if this is your wish,

"it must be what is best."

"I believe it
to be so."

"Good-bye and fare
thee well, Lisa."

Good-bye, Mike.

Uh, please, Lisa?

"Begging doesn't make this
any easier for either of us.

"Just go."

I hope this isn't moving
too fast,

but my parents
are coming to town,

and I would love for you
to meet them.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Jeannie.

Your parents?

Hold your horses.
I mean...

As amazing as
the other night was,

it turns out
I'm still gay.

I broke down
and called Brian,
my ex, last night,

and we just talked
and cried

and talked and cried.

Oh, God, my parents
would have loved you.

I just want you
to be happy.

Oh!

(SNIFFLING)

Goodbye.

Stay sweet.

Hey, Stuart.
Saw your picture
in the paper.

Who were you talking to?

Oh, just my...

Ex-boyfriend.

I'm so confused.

I'm off the air.
My career is over.

Well, if it's any
consolation, sir,

you're still the
mayor of New York.

It's not.

All My Children's
on, Mick.

Yeah, well, I broke up
with Lisa last night,

so there's not gonna
be much to see,

unless she wrote about
her subway ride
to Dumpsville.

Okay, there's Gillian.

So, did your latest night
with Mick go any better?

No. In fact, it didn't
go well at all.

Ah, jeez, here come
the waterworks.

He was even
more awkward in bed.

But, hey. At least
I only had to put up
with three minutes of it.

And the strangest thing...

He paints his toenails.

I'm afraid what I'll find
when we go out tomorrow.

That's not true.
I broke up with her.

Then where'd she come up
with all that stuff?

She made it up!

Okay. There is
a little less of this
than when the day began.

And I thought it was Nikki.

I don't paint my toenails!

I will prove it!
Look at... Look at this.
Look at this, huh?

Look, look.
Look at my nails.
Look at my nails.

Come on,
somebody, please!

Look at my nails!

Hi, Senator Watkin.

I'm surprised
to see you here.

Anything I can do
for you?

Uh, kill me.

I mean, don't kill me.
Kill Mick.

Have Gillian kill Mick.

And if you can't do that,
then, yes, actually kill me,

because I can't
take this anymore.

I'm sorry, Mike.

I made up
all of that stuff
just to punish you.

But, um, it turns out
people loved it.

Mick's a ratings monster.

I don't care
about your stu...

He's a wha...
Ratings monster?
Mmm-hmm.

Well, bigger than Dimitri?

Unless you can come up

with something
really juicy

to replace
the lost ratings,

Mick lives.

On the one hand,
I'm gay.

On the other hand,
I'm very attracted to you.

Well, how about we
go back to my place

and we'll see if we can
straighten you out?

I'll pay the check.

Look, just so I can get
in and out faster,

I'm gonna pay
for the next few visits
in advance.

Psst.

Very impressive,
Stuart.

Oh! Hey!

You guys aren't gonna
blow my cover here,
are you?

I mean, you're not
gonna "in" me.

No, of course not.
Why would I stop you

from making a mockery
of my sexuality

and using it to further
your own twisted needs?

See you, Stuart.
Susan? Have fun.

Carter, I can't believe
you just let him go.

Oh, why not?
I know him.

Of course
you know Stuart.

No, no, no. I mean Susan.
I know him.

You mean...

Oh, yes.
(LAUGHS)

Susan is all man.

Hello, everybody,
and welcome to my show.

First up is Bob Conner.
Bob, where are you?

Bob, why don't you
stand up

and give your seat
to that little old lady?

Who made you king
of chairs?

And who the hell
are you calling old?

A moment of silence,
everybody.

On today's episode,
Mick gets killed.

I'm sorry, Mick...

MIKE: Oh, here it comes.
Here it comes.

But this is the way
it has to end.

(GUN FIRING)

And thus endeth
the tale of Mick.

Anyone wants to know anything
about my sex life,

they can sleep with me!
Let's get back to work.

NARRATOR:
We interrupt this program

for a special bulletin
from City Hall.

(GROANING)

(GROANING)

Help me, help me,
help me, help me!

I'll get security.

Oh, well. How'd you
finally talk Lisa
into killing you off?

Well, she wanted
ratings,

and I knew an actor
who was looking
to make a comeback.

And who are you?

Lance St. Andrews,
national financier.

I'd like to buy you
a drink.

Or perhaps a building.

I'm telling you,
he's a natural.

And, hey, have you heard?

Mick's going to make it.

MIKE: Yeah, later.
Good-bye.

CARTER: Shh. Shh. Shh!

Hey, Stuart.

How'd it go last night?

She had
an Adam's apple.