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1
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,241
Just the man
I was looking for.
2
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,376
You went to
catholic school, right?
3
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,244
St. Mary's.
12 horrible years.
4
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,946
I still have limited use
of my knuckles.
5
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,215
Remember
a Sister Margaret?
6
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:15,316
Oh, she was the ringleader.
7
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,485
Scary, awful,
monster of a woman.
8
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:19,853
Well, she speaks
highly of you too, Paul.
9
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,822
She's coming by here
later this afternoon.
10
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,624
She's having problems
with the neighborhood
around her school.
11
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,394
So I told her you would
sit down and talk
to her about them.
12
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,296
Never.
Not in a million years.
13
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,198
Correct answer was,
"Yes, I'd love to,
14
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:32,366
"and good morning,
sister."
15
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:33,967
Good morning, sister?
16
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,336
Hello, Paul.
17
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,770
(WHIMPERS)
18
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,041
Morning. What could I do
for you, Sister Margaret?
19
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,410
Well, you could start
by telling me
20
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,612
why I never see you
at church anymore.
21
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,847
I... I joined
a different parish.
22
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,150
And who's your priest?
23
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:51,152
Father O'... Connor?
24
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,054
O'Leary?
25
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,523
O'Cohen?
26
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,126
Oh, my.
27
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,128
You're lying.
28
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:01,495
Oh, God.
29
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,831
Now you've taken
the Lord's name in vain.
30
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:04,932
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
31
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:06,367
Oh, God!
I did it again.
32
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,902
Oh, God...
Oh! I can't stop.
33
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,871
Oh, ga-ga-ga-God...
34
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:14,175
Sister,
I'll take care
of this for you.
35
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,543
Ow...
36
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,146
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
37
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,758
Okay. Hopefully,
it's not too transparent
38
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,260
an attempt
to attract voters.
39
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,461
We got the go-ahead
on that free concert
40
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:34,762
at Madison
Square Garden.
41
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,497
The rumors are true.
That Maxwell, Travis,
and Johns
42
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,432
are going to reunite
for one night only.
43
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,733
Didn't they play
at Woodstock?
44
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,570
So what? They've
gotta be, like,
90-years-old.
45
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,806
Why don't we just
reunite The Andrews Sisters?
46
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,176
Hey, back off, man!
M.T.J. rocks.
47
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,413
When I was 15,
my mom drove me
48
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:53,747
to the concert
in Madison.
49
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:57,585
You went to the concert,
the band rocked,
50
00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,388
you bought
a $65 T-shirt,
51
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:01,589
and you screamed
like an idiot
52
00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,891
when the band said,
"Hello, Wisconsin!"
53
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,260
Were you there?
54
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:10,198
Okay, then.
Meeting is adjourned.
55
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,667
I say, meeting
is adjourned.
56
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:15,836
What?
57
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,771
We wanna know if you're
going to break up with Carrie.
58
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,673
When did it become
office policy
59
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,675
to review
my personal life
at the morning meeting?
60
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,611
You started it, Mike.
When you became single,
61
00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:27,715
all you wanted to do
was talk and talk and talk.
62
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,883
It was kind of like
a soap opera.
63
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,254
First, it was really,
really irritating...
64
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,990
but you listen
to enough of it
65
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,227
and all of a sudden,
boom! You're hooked.
66
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,596
So, today on
67
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,398
"Deputy mayor
in heat..."
68
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:48,702
All right.
69
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,904
I like Carrie a lot,
70
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,940
but she walks
that fine line
71
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,343
between
incredibly intense
72
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,379
and borderline loopy.
73
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,914
So I'm afraid tonight
I'm gonna have to break up
with her.
74
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,251
Hold on a second.
Paul couldn't be here.
75
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,985
He asked me
to tape it.
76
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,791
Okay. One last item.
77
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,660
I'm having
a secret meeting
78
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,262
tomorrow morning
79
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,896
without Paul.
80
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,698
I'd like you all
to show up
81
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,267
around 5:00 a.m.
82
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,109
4:30 is better
for me, Mike.
83
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,618
That's you and me
at the duck pond.
84
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,353
Don't we look happy?
85
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,455
Oh, yeah. Very, uh...
86
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,123
Very happy, happy.
87
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,526
Happy us.
88
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,094
What's going on
with you, Mike?
89
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,629
You're all nervous.
90
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:49,863
Oh, no.
91
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,499
Boo!
Oh! Gosh.
92
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,534
See? Come on,
lighten up.
93
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,303
I can hear
your heart beating.
94
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,004
I think it had stopped.
95
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,407
(GIGGLING)
96
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:02,009
Okay. What did you
want to say?
97
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:04,778
Okay. All right.
Here it goes.
98
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:08,649
Carrie, I just,
I feel very strong...
99
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:09,950
Can we move that?
100
00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,985
'Cause the glare
is really killing me.
101
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,424
There, there.
All better.
102
00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:18,859
Okay. You were saying?
103
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,160
Here it goes.
104
00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:22,896
I think that...
Okay, now it's just
staring at me.
105
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,499
Okay. Fine.
106
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,501
You're having trouble
with conversation starters.
107
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,636
I've got one!
108
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:30,203
I'm ready to have children
109
00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:32,540
and I think you'd make
a great father.
110
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,078
Questions? Comments?
111
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,414
I've only known you
for three weeks.
112
00:04:40,748 --> 00:04:41,949
I mean, I...
113
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,352
Normally, I don't
discuss fatherhood
114
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,354
or kids until...
115
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,490
Never.
116
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:53,026
I am too old to go down
a very long road with someone
117
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,963
unless I am sure
they're going
to the same place.
118
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,065
What if we're not?
119
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,502
Well, then I guess
120
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,737
I'd have to break up
with you.
121
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,744
Get outta town.
122
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,647
Are you...
Are you serious?
123
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,416
I am totally serious.
124
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,021
Wow.
125
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,156
Well, then I...
126
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,258
I guess...
127
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,495
I guess it's over.
128
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,698
I can't believe
you did this to me.
129
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,134
Oh, Mike.
Maybe we should
think about it.
130
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:36,437
No, no, no, no...
No, no.
131
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:39,072
No, no, no.
That wouldn't be
fair to you,
132
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,974
dragging it out
like that.
133
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,544
No, no, no.
No, you've got a schedule.
134
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,914
This just happened
so fast.
135
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,249
I know. I just never
saw it comin'.
136
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,654
Well, I gotta go.
137
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,557
Wait! Mike...
138
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:58,892
Just because
we're not gonna spend
139
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,227
the rest of our lives
together
140
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:01,829
doesn't mean
we can't have
141
00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:04,297
one more night
together.
142
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:06,800
Wait.
143
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,602
You just
broke up with me
144
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,303
and now you want to...
145
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,473
What are you, a guy?
146
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:18,879
Wait a minute.
147
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,448
You dumped her
and slept with her
148
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:21,549
in the same night?
149
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,452
I mean, you're like
James Bond.
150
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:27,888
Congratulations, Mike.
151
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,190
Yeah, we're so proud
of you.
152
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,595
I was in a very
vulnerable place
last night, okay?
153
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,665
I'm ashamed of myself.
154
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,638
You just pulled down
your own rebound, Mike.
155
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,106
Very few guys
in our league
156
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,608
can score on
a play like that.
157
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:48,976
I got a question
for you.
158
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,712
Did you guys have
sex before or after
you broke up?
159
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,380
After.
160
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:54,782
I've got news
for you, honey.
161
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,584
You didn't break up.
162
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,351
What's she
talking about?
163
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:01,254
Any sex within
24 hours after
the break-up
164
00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,790
is technically
make-up sex.
165
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,558
Technically,
you made up.
166
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,229
No...
167
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,498
(ALL CLAMORING IN AGREEMENT)
168
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,933
Aw, I'm so glad
that I was informed.
169
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,302
I wish somebody
would just write down
170
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,870
all these rules for me.
171
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,005
I'll give you one.
172
00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,040
Next time you want
to end a relationship,
173
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,009
try letting the woman
shake your hand.
174
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,681
Hey, Paulie. What's up?
175
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,683
You look like hell.
176
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,653
There was no
secret meeting,
was there, Mike?
177
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,327
Afraid not, Paulie.
178
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:41,895
Sorry about that.
179
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,965
(WHISPERING)
It's tomorrow.
180
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,873
Sorry to keep
you dudes waiting.
181
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,876
No problem, Mr. Mayor.
182
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,645
This is wonderful tea.
183
00:07:58,045 --> 00:07:59,379
Well, thank you.
184
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:00,814
That's a rock 'n roll
thing, right?
185
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,049
That's good
for the voice?
186
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,817
It keeps me regular.
187
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:06,987
Okay. Rock on.
188
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:09,957
I hope you guys
don't mind me asking,
189
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:12,459
but why did
you fellas break up
in the first place?
190
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,461
(CLEARS THROAT)
That may be
thin ice, sir.
191
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,129
What?
That's all right.
192
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:19,366
We just lost sight
of why we played music.
193
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,569
You know, it became
all about money.
194
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,104
So, you boys got
those contracts?
195
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,438
Yeah.
196
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:31,912
Just put your
Herbie Hancocks
right there.
197
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,848
Herbie Hancocks.
That's a little
rock 'n roll humor.
198
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:36,784
Yeah. It's a good one.
199
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,753
You see, I thought
you broke up
200
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,789
because you, Kevin,
write all the music
201
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:42,956
and the lyrics,
202
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:46,359
but Johnny here seems
to get all the attention.
203
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,595
Yeah, Johnny always
did have a knack
204
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,396
for sticking
his face out front.
205
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,832
I don't deserve
a little recognition?
206
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:52,900
I tell you what...
207
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,735
Let's play "first one
to sign the contract
208
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,938
"gets a free picture
of the Mayor
on his vacation."
209
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,240
Oh, look,
Johnny.
210
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,508
It's the same
island
211
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,243
you and your bimbo
girlfriend stayed on
212
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:04,612
while I was holed up
in the studio
213
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,113
writing
our last album.
214
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:07,314
I should have
renamed that one
215
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:10,618
"Bite me,
you ungrateful,
self-centered jerk."
216
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:12,953
Well, hey, now,
we both know
217
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,888
that wouldn't sell
a million copies.
218
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,024
I'm outta here.
219
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,731
Way to go with
the picture, Mike.
220
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:30,470
Would you care for
a cup of coffee, sister?
221
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:33,206
I take my strength
from the Lord, Paul,
222
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,508
not from some
popular narcotic.
223
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,645
(MOUTHING)
224
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,080
Now...
225
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,650
Tomorrow I'm coming
with the entire parish
226
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,652
to talk about
our security issues.
227
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,486
I want a plan
for keeping
those hooligans
228
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:47,655
off the property.
229
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,222
You could put
a big picture
230
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:50,924
of yourself
out front.
231
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,994
That might
do the trick.
232
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,601
(BUZZER BUZZES)
(JANELLE OVER SPEAKER)
Carrie's here.
233
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,904
Oh! Just a minute,
Janelle.
234
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:06,707
(DOOR OPENS)
235
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,109
Mike?
236
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,513
You look terrible.
237
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,815
There are going
to be good days,
238
00:10:14,915 --> 00:10:17,550
and there are going
to be bad.
239
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,319
Why did you
want to see me?
240
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:22,222
I guess I just...
I had to know for sure
241
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:24,892
that it was really over.
242
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,061
I'm sorry, Mike.
It is.
243
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:34,067
Well, that's okay.
I just had to know...
244
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,003
for sure.
245
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,839
Shake?
246
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,413
You know, it's been tough
on me, too.
247
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,315
I mean, I sat there
last night.
248
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,950
I laid in bed all night
249
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,452
hearing nothing
but the sound of that clock
250
00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:55,522
next to my bed,
counting away my life.
251
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:59,559
Tick, tick, tick.
252
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,995
And then I realized
what I need to do.
253
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,965
Get a digital clock?
254
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,201
I can't wait any longer,
255
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,504
so I'm just gonna go ahead
and have a baby on my own.
256
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:12,572
That's great.
257
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,507
Me? I'm gonna
go out and have
258
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,744
a couple
of beers with
the guys, but...
259
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,980
We all handle grief
in our own ways.
260
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,984
See? Your sense of humor.
That's such a wonderful trait.
261
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,756
Ahh, that's why
I'm so happy
I'm having your baby.
262
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,566
Are you telling me
that you're pregnant?
263
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:43,370
Nope. But I will be,
thanks to you.
264
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,072
Wait, am I missing
a step here,
265
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:49,442
because if you're talking
about last night,
266
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,544
I took precautions...
267
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,013
We took precautions.
268
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,482
Let's just say
I'm the kind of girl
269
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,885
that never throws
anything away.
270
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:06,226
I put it in the freezer.
271
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:09,162
You froze my guys?
272
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,300
I'm just here
to get your blessing.
273
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,468
What am I, the Pope?
274
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:16,569
Don't yell at me.
275
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,372
Those are my guys!
I want them back!
276
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,541
All right, look.
If you're gonna be
all weird about this,
277
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:22,609
I'm just gonna leave.
278
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,077
You can't do this!
279
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,481
Give me back my sperm!
280
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,522
How you guys doin'?
281
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:41,829
Crucified in the press.
282
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:45,332
My approval ratings
have dropped overnight.
283
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,567
Get that band back
together again, Flaherty.
284
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,236
My first
priority, sir.
285
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,306
Okay. Mike's fertility
clinic open
for business.
286
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,709
Nikki. Medical. Go.
287
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,178
This particular
insemination method
288
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,712
can actually work,
289
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,548
although obviously
it isn't popular
290
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,150
amongst most women.
291
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:07,187
For one,
they don't get dinner
and cab fare home.
292
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,722
All right. Legal.
293
00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:12,292
Basically, the rulings
are confusing
294
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,094
and arbitrary,
295
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,364
referring to lots
of cases in books
296
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,032
I couldn't find.
297
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,205
Keep in mind
I'm not a lawyer.
298
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,174
Mike, that's Carrie
on line 2.
299
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,442
Uh, Carrie. Hi.
300
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:30,743
Uh, yeah.
301
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:31,979
Listen, um, um...
302
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,981
What? What?
Put her... put her...
303
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,448
Put her on hold!
Trust me.
304
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,050
Put her on...
Put her on hold.
305
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,520
Carrie, I'm just
gonna put you on hold.
306
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:44,124
Mike, I was this close
from getting into the CIA.
307
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,093
Trust me,
we gotta treat this
308
00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,295
like a hostage situation.
309
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,232
Lassiter here.
310
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,903
Yes, I am fully apprised
of the situation.
311
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:58,438
Now, before we can even
begin to talk,
312
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,073
as a show of good faith,
313
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,674
you have to release one,
314
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,111
maybe two million
of the hostages.
315
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:17,057
Look, Kevin, I was hoping
it wouldn't have
to come to this,
316
00:14:17,157 --> 00:14:20,727
but I got some
photographs of you
and Elton John.
317
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:24,932
I think you might
want them back.
318
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:27,434
I used those as
Christmas cards in '84.
319
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,538
All right. That was
my best shot.
320
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:32,940
Look, you gotta
understand.
321
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:35,208
I got a lot
going on right now.
322
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,610
I...
323
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,081
I had sex with
this woman, Kevin,
324
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,816
and she wants
to get pregnant.
325
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:46,686
She kidnapped my guys,
326
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,157
and she put them
in the freezer.
327
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,425
That old story.
328
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,228
Uh, James.
329
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,965
Kevin Travis,
this is James Hobert.
330
00:14:58,065 --> 00:14:59,799
He's the Mayor's
speech writer.
331
00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,034
Hi.
332
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,170
I'm your... Uh...
333
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:06,373
Yours...
all your albums...
334
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,309
Anyway, if you're
going to say no,
335
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,478
I dare ya.
Say no to him.
336
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,348
* Baby, baby
337
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,450
* I love ya, baby*
338
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:20,653
That song
changed my life.
339
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:21,888
Mine, too.
340
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,690
Went double platinum.
I bought an island.
341
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,325
(LAUGHS)
342
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,360
I'm your biggest fan.
343
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:30,330
I bought the vest
you wore on your
first tour for $1,000.
344
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,499
Never worn a vest
in my life.
345
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,469
Oh, God.
346
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:42,042
I see that you're
supposed to be meeting
347
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:43,376
with the lesbian
activists tonight.
348
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:44,911
And I've got Sister Margaret,
349
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,446
so I was wondering,
350
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,482
what do you say
we trade, okay?
351
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,352
My nuns
for your lesbians.
352
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,721
They're not baseball
cards, Paul.
353
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,457
And besides,
what do you know
about lesbians?
354
00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:00,593
What do lesbians
know about me?
355
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,230
This could be
a fabulous opportunity.
356
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,498
To remind them
why they're lesbians?
357
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,270
All right.
Carrie's on her way.
358
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,339
I gotta get going.
You all know your
assignments.
359
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,906
Carter, Stuart,
you're gonna
come with me.
360
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,042
While I break into
her apartment,
361
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,743
you hold the cab,
you hold the elevator.
362
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:18,211
Nikki,
you are plan "B."
363
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,447
I want you to distract
Carrie with these.
364
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,282
Sperm bank
pamphlets?
365
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,051
Yeah. It's a list
of donors.
366
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,352
It's probably
a fool's errand,
367
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:26,886
but see if you can
find somebody
368
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:28,055
who's got
something I don't.
369
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,658
Mike, I didn't get
an assignment.
370
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,461
Yours is the most
important job of all.
371
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,963
You stay here
and look busy, okay?
372
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,066
I gotta get going.
373
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,500
' Cause by my precise
calculations,
374
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,069
she should be here
in five minutes.
375
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,236
Hi, Dad.
376
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,904
Damn this watch.
377
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,741
Hi. Carrie, please,
right this way.
378
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,077
Carter, Stuart,
379
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,478
I have to take
this meeting,
380
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,413
so I can't take
the other meeting
I was going to take.
381
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,582
If you could take
that meeting for me?
382
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:57,850
Wait a minute.
What meeting?
383
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,219
I thought you guys
were going to break
into the apartment.
384
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,154
Now you understand
why your role in the mission
385
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,223
is to stay here
and look busy.
386
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,692
Carter, Carter,
before you go,
387
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,827
I'm begging you,
switch with me.
388
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,662
Please. I'll do anything.
389
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:13,200
STUART: I can't believe
you'd rather commit
a felony
390
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,434
than talk to some nuns.
391
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,636
PAUL: Just
stand there while
I get my bearings.
392
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,438
I have a very keen
night vision.
393
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,140
In a few moments,
it's going to seem
394
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,874
like broad daylight
in here.
395
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:23,543
Does this help?
396
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,178
Ow. Ow.
397
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,947
Ouch. No, my pupils
were fully dilated.
398
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,017
I still can't get over
that outfit.
399
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:32,452
You can stand there
and laugh,
400
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,820
but when we're fleeing
from the police,
401
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,855
which one of us you think
they're gonna notice first?
402
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,457
I'm gonna guess
the guy that looks like
403
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,459
Catwoman on steroids.
404
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,163
Come on.
Let's get going.
405
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:44,697
And watch out
for your fingerprints.
406
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,199
Paul, we don't have
to touch anything.
407
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:47,567
Just unplug
the refrigerator.
408
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,035
By the time she figures
out what happened,
409
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,137
it'll be too late.
410
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,571
I think I got it.
411
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:55,808
Oh. That's not it.
412
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,344
Just grab the stuff
and let's go.
413
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,179
You grab the stuff.
I paid for the cab.
414
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:00,347
I picked the lock.
415
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:01,881
I broke the toaster.
416
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,050
(POLICE SIREN WAILS)
Oh, my God.
We're gonna get caught.
417
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,786
Oh, God. I'll never see
the light of day again.
418
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:07,887
Get the package.
419
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,222
What package?
420
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,324
Aaah! I'm panicking!
421
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,926
Every man for himself!
(SIREN WAILS)
422
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,070
How'd it go, guys?
423
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,172
Go ahead.
Tell him, Paul.
424
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,939
Tell him how
you saved the day.
425
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,508
Is this it?
426
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,710
Welcome home, fellas.
427
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,180
Mike, that's
frozen yogurt.
428
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,583
Mike, you gotta
understand.
429
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:37,717
Mike, the bad news is
430
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,786
you're going to be
a father.
431
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,456
The good news is
we saved you a teaspoon
432
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,958
of this fat-free
frozen dessert treat.
433
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:48,195
Mike, please.
434
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,496
Understand
there were sirens
435
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,598
and they kept getting
closer and closer...
436
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,065
And then
what happened, Paul?
437
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,002
They kept getting
farther and farther away.
438
00:18:57,337 --> 00:18:59,439
All of you failed
at your assignments.
439
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,507
No, no, no, Mike.
440
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:02,209
Not me. I'm busy.
Busy-busy.
441
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,517
Okay. Now I know
442
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,385
that you really
want to have
a baby with someone,
443
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,786
and I know
that you're afraid
444
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,288
that you're not going
to find that person.
445
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,623
I am afraid, too,
446
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,425
but believe me
when I tell you
447
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,826
one day you will,
448
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:23,430
and you're going to be
so, so happy that
you waited.
449
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,238
Blah, blah, blah,
450
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,506
blah, blah,
blah, blah.
451
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,375
Okay. You're nuts.
452
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:44,884
You padlocked
the freezer.
453
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:48,255
Fine. I'm taking
the whole thing
with me.
454
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,029
Could you hold
the door for me?
455
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,336
Well, we did it.
456
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,806
How'd we do it?
457
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,741
Sir, he's got a daughter
applying to colleges,
458
00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:11,110
and once he
found out my father
was president of Yale,
459
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,145
things just really
fell into place.
460
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,848
I thought your father
was a pharmacist.
461
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,351
Sir, with all due respect,
do you wanna rock, or what?
462
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,955
Hey, Mike, how'd it go?
463
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,024
Just call me Pops.
464
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,960
Can't you feel
the excitement, Mike?
465
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,095
Oh, yeah, sir.
466
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:30,863
A couple of hippies
stumble out of
retirement
467
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,333
and pad their
investment
portfolios.
468
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,167
Whoopee, sir.
469
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:37,470
This is more than
some old hippies, Mike.
470
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,205
This is Clark,
Prado, and Conrad!
471
00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:42,275
No. Those are
your attorneys, sir.
472
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,176
(CROWD CHEERING WILDLY)
473
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:47,947
New York City knows
how to rock 'n roll!
474
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,316
And as a thank-you
to our fans,
475
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,684
get ready for the biggest
rock band in history
476
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:55,121
to give you the biggest
light show in
the history of Rock Them.
477
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:56,823
Let's rock!
478
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,292
(ELECTRICITY ZAPPING )
479
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,234
Mike, you're not supposed
to hold the lighter up
480
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:10,637
until the end
of the show, I think.
481
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,372
That is the end
of the show, sir.
482
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:14,106
Power's out all over
the city.
483
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,643
Everywhere?
It's a tragedy.
484
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:17,877
I mean, the city
can't exist
485
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,647
without its subways and
its traffic lights, its...
486
00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:22,181
Refrigerators.
487
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:36,162
We've got bigger problems
than melting ice cream, Mike.
488
00:21:37,564 --> 00:21:39,131
I don't, sir.
489
00:21:43,202 --> 00:21:45,071
PAUL: Ladies,
the power's going
to be off for a while,
490
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:47,073
so we should get started.
Let me just say
491
00:21:47,173 --> 00:21:49,075
first off
that this administration
is very proud
492
00:21:49,175 --> 00:21:51,944
of its open attitude
towards alternative
lifestyles.
493
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:53,913
Who you choose to share
your bed with
494
00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:56,649
or who you choose
to shower with
495
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:59,819
or whatever,
is entirely your choice.
496
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:02,455
Consensual sex
is entirely that.
497
00:22:02,555 --> 00:22:04,957
Consensual.
So, enjoy.
498
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:08,495
Ugh.
499
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:12,599
I'm sorry.
500
00:22:12,699 --> 00:22:14,266
It's the wrong room.
34879
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