All language subtitles for Spin.City.S01E23.iNTERNAL.1080p.WEB.H264-DiMEPiECE_track3_[eng]

Geez, Mike.
You look horrible.
What's the matter?

MIKE: I had dinner last night
at the Irish consulate.

My name tag said "Flaherty."
You can do the math.

Not quite the recovery
time you used to have,

huh, frat boy?
Here's the mail.

MIKE: Whoa, whoa.
You wanna get that
out of here?

What, this?

Sorry.
Here's the rest.

MIKE: Well, okay.
Look...
hold all my calls.

No interruptions.
No visitors.

JANELLE: Go on in.

Mike, you gotta see this.
It's gonna kill you.

MIKE: Good.

Introducing
the office impression
of the day...

NIKKI AND CARTER:
Feeding time
at the aquarium!

MIKE: Oh, that's hysterical.
Please stop.

Oh, Mike,
you're no fun.

I ate soap
for your amusement!

MIKE: Go away.

Please! Please, people.
Will you leave Mike alone?

Please.
Mike, you gotta help me.

Do my tonsils
look swollen?

It hurts
when I swallow.

Get back. Get out.
Get out!
Out-out-out-out,

or I'll run
you through!

There's plenty more
where that came from.

Ow! Ahhh!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Mr. Mizrahi,
we'd like to thank
you again

for donating your time to our
little charity fashion show.

I should thank you,
actually.

I mean, if it wasn't
for working on this show,

I'd never would
have met Carter.

What can I say?
I'm a perk.

You know,
I take great pride

in welcoming diverse
groups to the mansion.

In fact, we've had
many gay couples

pay us a visit.

You're very hip, sir.

Anyone want more wine?

Well! Nice of you
to finally show up.

I'll have some.

Where's the food?
I'm starving.

Well, dear, perhaps
you should have

come down an hour
and a half ago

when we were supposed
to be eating.

I was just being
fashionably late.

(LAUGHS) Little joke
for you, Isaac.

I'm sure they find
your insensitive behavior
quite appealing.

Randall, sit down.
Let's not make a scene.

No, we will not
be sitting.

Well, this is exciting.

I, for one, am not
going to start this meal

until you apologize
to our guests.

Well! There it is.
I heard it.

Mike, she didn't
say a word.

Oh, no. She did, sir.
I... I heard her very clearly.
Carter, you must have...

Oh! Loud and clear,
Mike.

Gentlemen,
if you'll excuse me.

Wow. That was
a fabulous exit.

So Bette Davis.

Twenty-two years I've been
putting up with that.

Women. I tell you,
you boys have
the right idea...

You know,
except for the sex.

(SPITS)

They really got
so mad that they were
throwing plates?

Who's to say it was
out of anger?

Do not our Greek
friends break plates

as a sign of joy?

How do you explain
the choke-hold?

Do our Greek friends
not wrestle for sport?

Who am I kidding?
I need a drink.

Who wants to come?

I can't. I have
to give a speech
at my co-op board.

They catch you sunbathing
nude on the roof again?

I never saw what
the big deal
was with that.

You were on
somebody's skylight.

Stop living
in the past, Mike.

We need a new laundry room.

Ours is so bad,
none of the chicks

will wash their
skivvies in-house.

And by chicks,
you're referring to...

Broads. Dames. Skirts.

She-meat.

I know for a fact
there's phenomenal talent

in my building,
but, with no laundry room,

I'm left with no natural
way to approach them.

Stuart, is this really
your speech?
Mmm-hmm.

"I'm sick of the
crummy laundry room.

"You gotta do
something about it.

"It's scaring
all the tenants away."

At least he referred
to them as tenants

and not she-meat.

You know, Stuart,
if you want I can
help you with this.

But it's good, right?
There's stuff
you can work with.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
We're just gonna
tweak it a little.

Hey, Nikki,
what do you say?
You wanna go for a drink?

No can do, Mike.

I'm going to meet
Carter and Isaac Mizrahi.

You just feel
so cool saying that,
don't you?

You know it.

Janelle?

Can't. My boss
is making me work late.

I'm your boss.
And no, I'm not.

You caught me.

Does anybody want to go
for a drink with me?

Sure, Mike.

I'll go out and tip
a few sudsies with you.

All right, big daddy.
You're on.

PAUL: Great!
It's beer night
at my favorite karaoke bar.

* What's new, pussycat?

* Whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa... *

When I see women
and children

dragging bags of laundry
down the street

looking like they can't
walk another step,

I ask myself, why?

When I spend $2.50
of my hard-earned money

on a washing machine
with a final spin cycle

that leaves my clothes
sopping wet,

I ask myself, why?

Now I, for one,
have had enough.

My fellow tenants,
it's time to stop
asking why

and start asking,
what if?

Amen! I hear you,
brother!

Sorry.
You were saying?

There's me,

and there's
Bobby De Niro

and John-John
and Caroline,

who is wearing Prada.

I'm not bitter.

Oh! And look,
here in the corner

is our Carter.

Carter, I can't believe
you didn't tell me.

You are friends
with Robert De Niro?

Yeah. We're splitting
house with him

in the Hamptons
this summer.

I'm standing
8 feet behind him
in a picture.

He doesn't even know
I'm alive.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Oh. This is important.

Um, it's a fashion
emergency.

Take it in my room.

Okay, What the hell
is a fashion emergency?

Oh, Carter, I think
Isaac is amazing.

CARTER: He is.

He's brilliant,

he's funny, he's cute.

He's just too much.

He enjoys life
in the fast lane.

I don't like the clubs,
the parties,

the whole fashion scene.

And you have
the nerve to call
yourself gay?

I miss my lectures.

I miss my reading group.
I want my life back.

Why? Why don't you
just keep this one

and donate yours
to some 90-year-old?

* What's new, pussycat?

* Whoa, whoa, whoa...

Get out of my head.
Damn you!

(WHISTLING)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Paul, if that's you,

I still refuse to sing
You Don't Bring
Me Flowers.

Hello, Michael.

Sir.

So, how's the Mrs.?

I'm sorry, Nikki.
I'm just a quiet, boring,

slightly uptight
gay man.

Oh, put that
in a personal ad

and you can have
anyone in town.

Oh, you know what?
A little bad news.

Cindy can't do
your fashion show.

Aw.

But you know what?

I was thinking about this.
Stand up a second.

Actually, you know,
the dress would fit you.

How would you
like to replace her?

You know,
I always had to wear

my brother's
hand-me-downs growing up,

but I always wanted
to be glamorous.

I actually used
to go to bed at night

and dream of walking
down the runway.

And some people
just want to cure cancer.

I say give us
a laundry room

where mothers don't lose
precious quarters

in broken machines,

where children
can feel safe

in dry jammies,

and where a man
can put on a clean shirt

and go to work,
proud to be a man!

I say give us
a laundry room

or we will
give you a fight

like you have
never seen.

Oh, it's always
been this way.

Every Spring
like clockwork,

we have this giant
month-long argument.

Gosh, sir.
That's... healthy.

You blow off steam,
you get it all out.

That way, you don't let
the tension build up.

We do that the other
11 months out of the year.

This is no way
to live, Mike.

Yeah, well, it's no
Gracie Mansion, sir,

but I call it home.

A little joke, sir.
Just trying to cheer you up.

I'm not sure
that's possible.

Hey, Your Honor.

You know what they say
about time.

Yeah. Eventually
it catches up to you

and forces you to face...

the emptiness
that's become your life.

I was actually
going for, uh...

it heals all wounds, sir.

Well, it's late.

Thanks for the sandwich
and the sympathetic ear.

I don't mean to drag you
into all this.

No, no, I'm just going
to go and get
a hotel room or something.

Don't you be
silly, sir.

That's what
I'm here for.

Besides, hotel
and politician

equal scandal.

You may check in
as Randall Winston

but you'll be
checking out

as the artist
formerly known
as the Mayor.

Welcome to Chez Flaherty.

Thank you, Mike.

I really mean that.

Aw, hey, sir.

That is what I'm here for.

And, uh,
you just let me know

if there's anything
I can do to make your stay
more comfortable.

I'm sure
I'll be fine.

Nighty-night, sir.

Nikki, what is
wrong with you?

I'm practicing
my runway walk.

Oh. Thank God.

I thought you
dislocated something.

Stuart,
how'd the meeting go?
Hey.

Did you get
your washing machines?

I got more than that.

They elected me president
of the building.

Oh, God. What have I done
to those poor people?

I have 180 tenants
under my command

and I wield supreme
executive power.

What are you going
to do,

declare war on
another building?

Good morning, Janelle.
Any messages?

Yeah.
Brush your hair.

For your information
I had a little problem

with the hot water
in my apartment
this morning.

There wasn't any.

Oh, that's odd.
I had the most
wonderful shower.

Very refreshing.

All 47 minutes of it.

Oh, Mike, do you know
what you need
for your bathroom?

A bouncer?

Eucalyptus, Mike.

You just toss
a few drops of that,

and with the steam
that I generated

it would be like a spa.

So, Janelle,
by any chance

did, um, Mrs. Winston call?

Sorry, sir.

You know,
if you'd like, sir,

I can call
Mrs. Winston right now.

Oh. You want me
to leave you alone, Mike?

No, sir.
I meant I will
dial the phone

for you,
you would talk,

and I would leave
you alone.

No, no, no.
I'm not making
the first gesture, Mike.

I am tired of crawling
back to her

and apologizing
for things that
I'm not really sorry about.

Well, sir, uh,
correct me if I'm wrong,

but isn't that
what marriage
is all about?

I mean, after all...

You know, Mike,
how hard it is

to balance a relationship
and a career in politics?

You know, I was
thinking that
last night, sir,

as I was having sex
with my comforter.

I am proud of the work
that I do for this city.

You should be, sir.
I can hold out
as long as she can.

Be strong, sir.

If I have to,
you know,

I can stay with you
till the end of time.

Oh, God, sir.

I'm telling you, Mike,
they're onto us.

The entire press corps
is camped outside
Gracie Mansion.

They haven't seen
the mayor enter or exit
for three days now

and I don't know
what to tell them.

It's killing me.

Oh, it's killing you?

I'm... I'm living
with the guy.

I have to watch
his television shows,

listen to his music.

"Why do you get
the bathroom first?"

"Because I'm the mayor."

Try that one
on for size.

It's bad,
but please, Mike.

You gotta help me.
I'm this close
to a nervous breakdown.

Look, look, you see?
I think I got a hive.

It's jelly, Paul.

Oh. I had a donut.

You got it all over
your jacket, too.

Did you eat that donut
or mate with it?

Thanks a lot.
Making fun
of my eating habits.

Hey, I don't care if
the last co-op president

fixed every little leak.

Call me back
when you have people
rowing in your kitchen.

Come on. I don't
want to be late

for the Charity Fashion Ball.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

President Bondek here.

Yes, Mrs. Schnoll.

I realize that
the gutters are clogged

but I'm really
in kind of a...

Uh-huh...
Uh-huh... Uh-huh.

James, your stupid speech
ruined my life.

I'll be returning
the favor when
you least expect it.

I'm gonna go hang out
with models, Stuart.

Are you coming
or not?

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh...

Uh-huh!

What, are they
leaving already?

Uh-huh.

Phone's for you.

Hello?

Ah-hah.

Ah-hah. Ah-hah.

Well, you know,
my gutter was clogged once,

and, you know,
I figured it was just like,
you know, sticks and mud

and, like, wet leaves
and stuff,

so we got a broom handle
and we just, you know,
shoved it down there

and I found out
where my neighbor's
cat was missing.

(LAUGHS)

Hello?

Hello?

Mike, this is
a groovy scene.

I can't remember
the last time
I had so much fun.

Well, if "groovy"
is any indication, sir,

I'd say it's been
at least 25 years.

Ah! (LAUGHS)

Hello, Randall.

Helen. I didn't
expect to see you here.

Who invited you anyway?

Well, actually, it was...

Is it really important
who invited whom?

What is important
is that fate

brought you both
together tonight.

Now, I know you both
believe deeply
in this charity,

so, why not put
our differences
aside for the evening,

walk down that runway,

and show this town
what kind of first couple
you really are.

Fine.

I'll meet you back here
in five minutes.

Well, that kind of love
just warms my heart.

I love fashion,

and there are so many
beautiful people.

James, we're
genetically inferior.

They've been programmed
not to talk to us.

Hi.

I'm Stuart Bondek.

Hi.

I make a lot less
money than you

and I'm not nearly
your physical match,

but how about throwing
away your pride

and lowering yourself
down to my level

for, hmm, a night?

(LAUGHING)

Wait a second.

I know you.

You're the president
of my co-op.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.
I got the flyer
you put out

announcing it
to the building.

Well, then,
is there anything
I can do for you?

You could start
by wiping the butt print
off my skylight.

You look so much older
through the glass.

That was my mother.

Oh! Good. The dress.

You better
work it, honey.

How do you feel?

I... I can't breathe.

Perfect!

* I'm too sexy
for my job

* Too sexy for my job

* Too sexy...

Hey, sexy.
Have you seen Isaac?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.
He's over there.

He's, uh, talking
to the lighting guy.

They're either
talking about work

or he's trying
to land a plane.

Hey, Mike.
You don't have
to be scared.

You can go out there
and sit down.

No, no, Carter.

This is the perfect spot

to keep an eye
on the mayor.

See, I got press
everywhere here,

so, I got people
stationed at every door.

If anything happens
we can get out of here
in eight seconds.

Enjoy.
Yeah. Thanks.

* I'm too sexy
for my job... *

Well, this shouldn't
be so bad.

If I have to stay here
for more than an hour

I'm going to kill someone.

Dear God,
let it be me.

I am doing so much
with so little here.

You should come to one
of my shows sometime.

Oh, yeah.

Will you embrace it?

I'll give it a shot.

Wow.

God, I'm good.

Mike, check this out!

Geez, Nikki.
You've got beautiful...

dress.

He approves.

(CLUB MUSIC PLAYING)

No!

(SCREAMS)

You're doing
just great.

Oh. Nice distraction
back there
at the show, Mike.

Oh, don't thank me, sir.
Thank Nikki.

She really took one
for the team.

Is she okay?

Oh, I think so.

I mean, I don't know
'cause she's not
talking to me.

Well! I think
I've got about everything.

Yeah, anything you've forgot,
I'll just bring it.

Okay.

Uh, sir, wait a minute, uh...

I didn't know you used...

Herbal Extract.

Mmm-hmm.

This is my shampoo,
isn't it, sir?

Didn't I bring
that with me?

No, you know, I thought
both your suitcase

and your hair
looked fuller.

All right, Mike,
so I accidentally
took your shampoo.

And my conditioner.

Sir.

My pumice stone?

Mike...
Sir, it's all right.

You just keep those.

I am going to have
to charge you for the robe.

Thanks for
having me, Mike.

You know,
I just don't think
I could have...

There's no need
to explain, okay?

We'll just behave
like those people

who crashed in the Andes

and not talk about it.

Well, that shouldn't
be too difficult.

Helen and I have
been pretending
for years.

You know, Mike,
I wish you had
known her

when we first met.

There was
a sweetness to her,

a gentleness.

I know, I know,
it's hard to believe,

but I just want
you to know

that it's not all
her fault.

Well, look, sir.
Sometimes people
grow together,

sometimes they...
They grow apart, they change.

You know, sometimes
they just move on.

When you think
of the ramifications

of a mayor who can't
even keep his own
marriage intact.

Hmm.

You know, sir,
I, uh...

I hate the idea
of you going back,

knowing how much
you don't want to.

What are you saying?

I'm just saying
maybe you should do

whatever makes
you happy and...

let me worry
about the ramifications.

Seriously, Mike,
divorce?

I've never even
said the word.

Well,
you just did, sir.

You know,
I gotta be honest.

Sometimes
I feel it would be

the right thing to do
for both of us.

I'm with you.

Well, thank you, Mike.

You know, the next
couple of weeks

are going to be
extremely difficult.

Maybe if I need
someplace to stay...

Not in your life,
sir.

This new speech
better work.

I want out
of this job.

Don't worry about it.
I plagiarized quite a bit
from Jesse Jackson.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Dear, dear neighbors.

It is with great regret
and heavy heart

that I must
stand before you

and reject the high title

you have generously
bestowed upon me.

I reiterate...

My role was never
to complicate or obligate.

No, my role was
to generate!

My role was to liberate!

My role was to increase
the number of machines

to an even-ate!

Good people
of Bailey Manor,

my work here is done!

Good night!

When are you going
to unstop my gutters?