All language subtitles for Spin.City.S01E20.iNTERNAL.1080p.WEB.H264-DiMEPiECE_track3_[eng]

The mayor
will be giving

a State-of-the-City
address within the hour.

Now, I cannot overstate
the delicacy of this.

P.C. watchdogs are
gonna be out in full force,

particularly after
the mayor's little
performance this weekend.

Uh, Mike, it was
absolutely essential

that the mayor attend
that Unity Pride Day.

And by jumping up on that
stage and performing
with that rap band,

he showed those kids
he understood their world.

Carter, don't get
me wrong.

I've got nothing
against rap music.

I happen to like
the rap music,

but whether it's rap,
country and western,
or a damn show tune,

the mayor should not
be singing any song

called Yo Bitch.

Hey! What happened
to you?

Skateboard accident.

Paul, I've seen you
dislocate your shoulder

running for an elevator.

Stay off the skateboard.

This little monster
from across the street

comes barreling down
the sidewalk I'm on,
all right?

So I manage to avoid
him, right?

But I'm thrown
off-balance

and his kid sister
nails me with her
big wheel.

So technically,
it's a big wheel accident.

Yo, Paul, those things
come standard equipped
with the little hand brakes,

so if I were you
I'd be asking myself,

"Was it really
an accident?"

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(PARROT SQUAWKS)

Looking back at the past
12 months I've been in office,

I can point with pride
to the many accomplishments

of my administration.

Crime is down.

You are now less likely
to be murdered

or violently assaulted
on the streets of this city...

than at any other time

in the past 20 years.

At the same time...

we are experiencing
a cultural renaissance.

Once again,
New York is a mecca

for filmmakers,
musicians,

writers, and
television producers.

(SNIFFS)

And, uh...

this, uh... This both
contributes to our tax base

and attracts
thousands of visitors

to our city each year.

Now, if it wasn't for...

Dude, I said
I was sorry.

You think this...

means "I'm sorry"?

This was
a State-of the-City address

seen by millions
of New Yorkers,

and do you know
what our message was?

Crime is down,
jobs are up,

and the mayor hates
deaf people.

Back off, pal.
I'm just a temp.

Ha! Just a temp.

And you! Where did
you find this guy?

Temp agency.

Paul, I'm thinking
of having you replaced
with a monkey.

So! Why did
the agency send
you over, anyway?

His resume said
he knew sign language.

He lied on his
resume, Mike?

(SARCASTICALLY)
It would appear so.

You guys telling me
you never lied on
your resume before?

Nope.
No.

Not a chance.
STUART: Not me.

PAUL: Nope.
Not me, either.

Uh, I'm still gonna
get paid for today, right?

(SARCASTICALLY) Oh, yeah.
The "check" is, uh,
"in the mail."

So, what exactly
is the purpose
of this meeting?

Sarah Edelman
is coming by.

She's the director
of the New York Coalition
for the Hearing Impaired.

I'm trying to make
an overture to
the deaf community.

She's deaf?

Yeah, Paul. Makes
for a better overture.

So how come Stuart
gets to go and I don't?

Because we're trying
to actually accomplish
something.

Because Stuart
knows sign language.

You just worry
about getting better.

Claudia staying
at your place?

Is she taking
good care of you?

Ho ho ho! Is she ever.

I have two words
for you gentlemen...

Sponge bath.

STUART: You know
what Claudia's doing, Paul?

What?
She's nesting.

Nesting?

MIKE: That's right, Paul.

Next thing you know,
her earrings are gonna
be on your night stand,

her toothbrush
will be in your
medicine cabinet,

and she'll show up
at your door with
a bunch of twigs in her beak.

Oh, wow. That could
only mean one thing...

Claudia wants to lay
her eggs in my apartment.

Oh, she'll lay them
in your apartment,

but they're gonna
hatch in a house

you can't afford
on Long Island.

Good night.

We would like
to convey our
sincerest apologies

for the events
that took place
this morning.

Can't she
understand me?

Yes.
She understands.

Gee, Stu, how'd you
ever pick that up?

Well, that was easy.
Thanks for coming up.

It's always nice
dealing with somebody

who is so understanding.

No, she understands you
because she reads lips.

She does not,
however,

understand how
this administration

thinks it can get away

with a simple, empty,
insincere apology.

Because it's always
worked before? (LAUGHS)

(MAYOR LAUGHING)

Yeah... Okay, Mike.

I think
I've warmed her up.

Why don't you bring
this one home?

Nice meeting you,
ma'am.

Uh, please.

Ms. Edelman...

Uh, may I call
you Sarah?

Go for it.

Sarah, we're well aware
that words alone

cannot undo the hurt
and... And pain

that we've inflicted
upon these most
valued members

of our community.

What'd she say?

Can you believe this?

Followed by an expletive
referring to cow dung.

Okay.

Sarah, uh, I'm gonna
level with you.

We screwed up,

and... And I don't have
a good excuse ready.

She appreciates
your candor,

but she thinks
that anything less
than a public apology

would be viewed
by the hearing impaired
community

as a slap in the face.

You got it.

And if it makes you
feel any better,

feel free to slap
Stuart in the face.

No. That's not funny.

If I can add on
a personal note,

it's always great
to reach out to members

of the hearing impaired
community,

though may I add,
in this case

it's particularly great.

She says that politicians
are always trying

to charm her,
but in this case

it's particularly
annoying.

Charming.

It's particularly
charming.

Aren't our resumes
supposed to be kept
confidential?

Why, Mr. Heywood?
You have something
to hide?

No.
(STUART CHUCKLES)

When were you a clerk
for the United Nations?

Hmm?

Oh! That.

Um, actually, it was
the Model United Nations,

you know,
in high school.

Oh!
It was
a very big deal.

Paul, between
your junior
and senior years

you ran a re-election
campaign

for Sheik Taranchi
of Jordan?

That is correct.
Uh-huh.

Jordan's a monarchy.

They don't have elections.

It was a grassroots
movement.

Janelle, when do you
know you have to go
to the dentist?

You got a little
toothache there?

Yeah. I was... I was
chewing on my pen,
on the end of it,

and I think I cracked
my molar right in half.

Ahhh.

I'll make an appointment.
Ahhh.

Ah, Nikki,
you got aspirin?

Yeah, I do.

I can't believe
the way you people

lie on your resumes.

Really? When was
the last time you typed

110 words per minute?

Probably the same day
you spoke
conversational Farsi.

Look at this...

James Leonard Hobert III
claims he can tap dance.

(SOUND OF TAP DANCING)

Were you considered
cool in Wisconsin?

If you're looking
for your remotes,

I used my glue gun
to put a strip of Velcro
on each one

and mounted them
to the side of the TV.

(CHUCKLING)

You know, I never
used to have trouble
finding my things.

What does that mean?

Nothing, nothing.

I'm just pointing out
that before you cleaned
my apartment

I knew where everything
was and you had to ask.

Now you know where
everything is
and I have to ask.

Come on, Paulie.
This place was a mess
before I cleaned it up.

You know, I found a half
cream cheese sandwich...

Underneath the sofa
on top of the magazines.

I know... I know
exactly where it was.
I put it there.

It's... It's gone now!

(STAMMERS) I've...
I gotta shower.

Honey, let me help you.

No, no, no, no, no. I...
I can bathe myself.

Anything I can't reach
I'll just use my loofa
on a stick.

Okay. Well, be careful.

Remember what the doctor
said about getting
your cast wet.

PAUL: I remember.
I remember.

Oh, and watch out
for my bird.

I hung him
in your shower.

What?

(PARROT SCREECHING)
PAUL: Ahhh!

(CRASH)

Hiya, Mike.
Back from the dentist?

Oh, this?

Bird in the shower.

Broke all five toes
in my foot.

MIKE: I can't
believe this guy
is my press secretary.

You know, when I had
my wisdom teeth out

I was in bed
for three days,

and I had put it off,

so by the time I got it
the roots had twisted

around and around
and around...

MIKE: Shut up.

Shut up, shut up.

The apology
press conference.
It's all set up.

And I personally invited
a hearing impaired
reporter to cover it.

Charming fellow.

MIKE: All this Novocain
is supposed to shield me
from the pain,

and yet I still hear him.

There he is!
Hiya, Tim!

(HEARING IMPAIRED INTONATION)
Thank you for having me here,
Mr. Flaherty.

(MUFFLED)
Thank you for coming.

(INTONATION)
What are you saying?

(MUFFLED) What do you mean,
what am I saying?

(INTONATION)
Are you making fun of me?

No, I'm just
trying to tell you

that I'm sensitive

to the needs...
Feelings of the deaf
community.

MIKE: Oh, no.

Stuart, damage report.

Engine number 4 is in flames,
and we're losing
altitude fast.

Needless to say,
we're suspending
beverage services

in the main cabin.

Nikki, damage report.

Apparently, Ms. Edelman
has quite a bit of clout.

She's already organized
a demonstration for tomorrow

outside of city hall.

She's gotten support
from every special
interest group

that has hearing impaired
constituents.

Check out this list, Mike.
They're all showing up.

Hey! Gay and Lesbian
Liberation Union.

That's me! That's me.

Uh, Mike, can I have
tomorrow morning off?

So let me just
assure you

that in the future
our screening process
for interpreters

will be much more
thorough.

For starters,
we're gonna just go
ahead and throw in

all the applicants
who don't actually
know sign language.

As for
yesterday afternoon,

I think any of you
who have had major
dental surgery

can appreciate
what I was going through.

Mr. Mayor, will there
be a formal reprimand

of your deputy mayor?

This man did nothing wrong.

I mean, have we finally
reached a point

where anything can be
taken out of context

and cause a politically
correct house of cards

to come tumbling down?

You know, it's like
that interview
I did last year

I caught all that
flack for.

What was it that I referred
to the Latino community as?

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Lateenies, sir.

Paul, you should
see Chester.

His feathers are ruffled,
his beak's quivering.

He's been in attack
position all day.

You really
spooked him.

I spooked him?

Jeez, that thing practically
tore my face off.

I kept waiting for
Alfred Hitchcock
to yell "cut."

Okay, sour puss.
I'll make this quick.

I'm gonna
stop by the store
on my way home.

Do you want me
to pick up some more

of those pudding packs
you like?

No.

No pudding packs?

No.

For God's sake, Paul.
What's wrong?

Claudia,
I'm 35 years old.

I've been living
on my own for almost
four years now.

What are you
saying, Paul?

I'm set in my ways.

I'm not used
to having people

hanging their pets
in my shower,

or their...
Their clothes in my closet

or their feminine accessories
all over my sink.

My moisturizer?

This morning, you know,
I mistook it
for my toothpaste.

Now everything I eat
tastes like your neck.

I think I understand, Paul.
I'll see you tonight.

Neck.

* O'er the land

* Of the free

* Hee!

* And the home...*

(SLAMS PIANO KEYS)

Okay. Fine.
Piano, three octave range.

Check.

All this proves
is that you were

a lonely, geeky kid.

You know what, Stuart?
I wasn't lonely.

I had my music.

You know, I gotta agree
with the mayor on this.

This P.C. thing
is just way out of control.

I'm with Mike.

You know, Stu, I know
you're being supportive,

but when you do that,
it just makes me
doubt myself.

If we have to apologize
every time

we unintentionally
offend somebody,
where does that end?

If I'm walking down
the street and I'm singing

Girls Just Want To Have Fun,

as I often do,

should I apologize
for suggesting

that guys just
want to work?

No, but you would
have to apologize

for using the term
girls instead
of women.

There you go,
right there.

When does a girl
become a woman?

One day with me.

Stu, I'm begging you.
Jump to the other side.

Give me a break, Mike.
We're a dying breed.

Who's looking out
for the white,

middle class,
heterosexual male?

Congress.

You know, Sarah,
when you told me

not to bring Stuart
because your friends
knew sign language...

silly me,
I took that to mean

they'd be able
to interpret for me.

Thank you.

Okay. Don't worry about me.
I'll just entertain myself.

* Oh, girls just
wanna have fun

* That's all
they really want

* Oh, girls just
wanna have fun

(FALSETTO VOICE)
* That's all
they really want

* Some fun

* Come home in
the middle of the night

* My mama says
"What you gonna do
with your life?"

* Oh, mama dear
we're not the fortunate ones

* 'Cause girls
just wanna have fun

* Oh, girls
just wanna have fun

(FALSETTO)
* That's all
they really want*

You know what?

We should probably
talk about

this demonstration
you're planning.

What? What'd I do now?

All right, I get
what's going on here.

This is...
This is very clever.

You're a...
You're teaching
me a lesson

about what it's like
to be excluded.

Well, not only do
I not need that lesson,

I don't deserve
that lesson, all right?

So, good night.
Enjoy your dinner.

Wait, Mike.
Don't go.

You can speak.

(SARCASTICALLY)
No. You're hearing things.

Okay. Here are
your remotes...

TV...

VCR,

cable box,

stereo,

and garage door opener.

Where are you going?

Home. But not to worry.

I put all your dirty
laundry back on your floor,

I sprayed a ring of filth
around your tub,

and I even made you
a half a cream cheese sandwich

and put it where
I knew you'd find it.

It was nice getting
to know you, Paul.

I hope you find
true happiness someday.

Goodbye.
Goodbye?

PARROT: Goodbye, Paul!

Claudia!

Ow... Ooh!

Claudia, Claudia,
come back.

Come back, Claudia.
Please.

Please don't leave me!

Claudia, please!
I'm getting rug burns!

Claudia! I love you!

Oh, Claudia.
Oh, please, please!

The apartment seems
so empty without you.

You mean it, Paulie?

Nah, it started
out rough,

but I gotta tell you,
Sarah and I are having
a great time.

(WHISPERS) Yeah.
Oh, listen, I gotta go.
Here she comes. Bye.

You don't have
to whisper, Mike.

Sorry.

Wait a minute...
How did you know
I was whispering?

You make a funny face.

You know what's great
about this?

I don't often
get the opportunity

to meet someone like you,

and... And if I hadn't,
I wouldn't have known

that you're such
a beautiful, charming,
intelligent woman.

Say that again.

Oh! I'm sorry.

I was just saying
you're a beautiful,

charming,
intelligent woman.

I understood you.

I wanted to
hear it again.

Suppose I wanted
to take you out
for dinner.

How long would
it take me to learn
sign language?

I don't know,
uh, about a year.

How about lunch?

If you don't talk
with your mouth full,

you'll be fine.

You know,
I hate to do this,

but it's...
It's getting late.

We'd better talk
about work.

Go ahead.

Okay. You...
You know what I think?

I think you knew
that our administration
had no bad intentions

towards your organization.

You were just being
incredibly opportunistic
to further your own cause.

So?

So I think you have
to make a choice.

You can either
trust me when I say

that this mayor is good
for your organization,

and while I can't
make any promises,

we want to work on issues
that matter to you,

or you can have
your demonstration,

draw your battle lines,
and take your chances.

You want me
to trust you?

Will you look
at this face?

You want me to make
a decision right now?

Uh, no. We...
We... We...

We can finish
our coffee.

New York is one of
the most progressive
cities in the world

when it comes to
the rights of
the hearing impaired.

But be assured
we will not be resting
on our laurels.

We understand
your concerns,

and I'm sure
our response is coming
in loud and clear.

Now I don't literally
mean loud and clear.

What I means is...

I know what
you mean.

Thank you for
your understanding.

Uh...

This means horny.

Beep.

Okay. Well.

This means horny.

I'll make a note of that.

(STUART LAUGHING)

Time!

Twenty seconds.
A new record.

Ah. You don't know
how many women have
said that to me!

All right, Bondek,
outta the chair.
Outta the chair.

Mike, I gotta
go to the bathroom.
I need the chair back.

You're gonna have to
hold it for no more
than, what? Twenty seconds.

On your mark...
Get set...

Hold on, Mike,
please?
Go!

And he's off!
Flaherty looks strong.

Coming up to
the first turn!

Whoa! He negotiates it
with ease! Look out, pal.

Hey, good-looking!
How you doing?

And around we go!

Look out, people.
Mike Flaherty,
king of the wheelchairs!

Looking good as he goes
into the final stretch

on his way... to...

victory.

You know, I'm wondering,
why do you have
the college

that you graduated from,

but not whether you got
a B.A. or a B.S.?

I didn't?
Let me write that in.

Why don't you
put down B.S.?

'Cause you didn't
graduate from
college, did you?

No, I did. I did!
I was there for
four years.

Who's gonna stay
a fifth for two lousy
gym credits?

Certainly not the guy
who's gonna buy us beer

for the rest of the night.
Ahhh!

Well, that was a treat.

Well, I do what I can.
Why is there no music?

Hmm. Jukebox is broken.

Say, sport, is that
gonna be much longer?

Hey,
don't ask me, man.

I have no idea
what I'm doing.