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1
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,741
Hey, Carter.
Listen to this.
2
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,710
I'm downstairs,
I'm getting
my morning bagel,
3
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:12,446
and Jill from
accounting insists
on paying for it.
4
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,582
Oh, I think it's obvious.
She likes you, Mike,
5
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:17,585
and until you
repay the favor,
you're in her debt.
6
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:21,089
Janelle, fax her
a cheese Danish.
7
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:24,024
Should I fax these people
assorted pastries as well?
8
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:25,293
Who are
all these from?
9
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,894
(SCOFFS) Every unattached
woman in the building.
10
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:28,762
Oh, lemme see.
11
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:32,333
Oh. Wait a second.
12
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,635
Half these women
told me they were married.
13
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:35,803
Hell,
14
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,839
this one's roommate
told me she was dead.
15
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:40,641
JAMES:
Mike, you have, like,
16
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,343
30 lunch
invites here.
17
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:43,577
Maria from
the Hispanic commission
18
00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,879
wants you to try that new
Cuban place with her.
19
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:49,049
Yoko from
the Japanese consulate
wants to get sushi.
20
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:50,151
Lori from
the parks department
21
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:53,020
wants to
take you out
for wild game.
22
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:56,056
Well, as long as Julie
from waste disposal
didn't call.
23
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:58,759
What the hell
is going on?
24
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,594
Mike, the word
of your breakup
is out.
25
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,564
You're officially
in play.
(SCOFFS)
26
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,634
I'm not in play.
I'm on the injured
reserve list,
27
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,569
six to eight weeks
with a broken heart.
28
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,472
Women decide whether
you're in play or not.
29
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:12,806
You have nothing
to say about it.
30
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,642
I can say
I'm not in play.
31
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,578
(CHUCKLES)
Saying it makes you
even more in play.
32
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,449
You're right.
That could hurt me.
33
00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,984
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
34
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,558
(WOMEN LAUGHING AND CHEERING)
35
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,064
Don't scream.
It's just me.
36
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,732
Save your
pickup lines.
37
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,001
Morning, Nikki.
Is she decent?
38
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:43,036
Uh, she's okay.
39
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,574
What are you guys
doing here?
40
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:47,841
Wow. Look at
this place.
41
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,743
The opulence...
It's like a spa.
42
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,280
I could send my mother
here for the winter.
43
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:54,748
We need to talk about
our problem with Mike,
44
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,717
and it seemed like the only
place he wouldn't find us.
45
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,252
He's been working us
past midnight
46
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,487
every night this week.
47
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:00,654
There's no crisis
going on.
48
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:01,789
I think
it's ridiculous.
49
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,957
I mean,
you would think...
50
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,194
You would think
that Mike would want
to go home,
51
00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,495
but now that's
Ashley's gone,
52
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:09,197
he's got the whole
place to himself.
He can...
53
00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:10,398
He can
walk around naked.
54
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:13,201
He can watch SportsCenter.
He can eat in bed.
55
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,302
And, in your mind,
56
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,204
he's doing
all this naked?
57
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:22,843
Guys, the most important
person in Mike's life
just left him, okay?
58
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,011
He's burying himself
in his work.
59
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,813
What more natural way
can you imagine for him
60
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:26,980
to deal with
his loneliness?
61
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,849
No, no, no.
I know how
Mike feels.
62
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,751
It is hard to go home
to an empty apartment
63
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:33,287
when you're
used to having
someone there.
64
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,488
Who'd you live
with, James?
65
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,056
Well, you know...
66
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:37,958
My parents.
67
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,094
Mike, listen,
I'm sorry,
68
00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:42,630
but I've gotta
leave early tonight.
69
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,665
He's trying to go
over the wall.
No, no, no, no.
70
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,500
My fan club's having
its first meeting tonight,
71
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,568
and they want me there.
72
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,503
(BOTH LAUGH)
73
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,872
Lemme see this.
Lemme see this.
74
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,308
Well, it's not
Paul's handwriting.
75
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:55,876
The postmark
looks legitimate.
76
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,245
It's either
a stunning forgery,
77
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:58,912
or there are actually
people willing
to give up
78
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,716
their free time
to pay homage to Paul.
79
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,885
That's disturbing,
80
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,420
but I'm gonna have
to let you go.
81
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:08,722
Thank you.
82
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,658
I know. That guy
is a total pig.
83
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,059
I feel like I should wear
a sign across my breasts
84
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,027
that says, "I'm up here."
(LAUGHS)
85
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,397
So, you're assuming
86
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,098
he can read.
Right.
87
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,933
Nikki, you're
just in time.
88
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,069
And, you, you're late.
89
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,372
Who are you?
90
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,540
Mike, this is
Danielle Brinkman.
91
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:27,641
Oh, that's right.
You're the...
92
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:28,776
You're the new
assistant D.A.
93
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:29,843
DANIELLE:
Michael Flaherty.
94
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:30,911
We went to
Fordham together.
95
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,080
We were in the same
ethics class.
96
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,348
I cut ethics.
97
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,489
Wait, Danielle Brinkman.
You're Todd Burskey's
girlfriend.
98
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,990
How is Todd?
99
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,025
We broke up
eight years ago.
100
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,428
Oh, I'm sorry.
101
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,030
Actually,
I'm kind of over it.
102
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:52,300
Did it take
the whole eight years,
103
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,435
'cause I'm
on week one,
104
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:57,538
and I'm nauseous
all the time...
105
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,206
Anyway, good to see you
106
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:00,674
Mr. Cheated-off-
my-ethics-final-
107
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,544
and-didn't-have-
the-decency-to-thank-me.
108
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,413
We got a "C."
109
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,617
Thanks a lot.
110
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,654
Mike, I hear you've
been burning the midnight oil.
111
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,988
Well, sir,
I've taken
the liberty
112
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,056
of working out
a long-term
113
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,359
political plan
for you.
Uh-huh.
114
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,227
Well, first off, let me say
how flattered I am
115
00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:23,564
that you even have me
alive in 2060.
116
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,434
Never underestimate
science, sir.
117
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,001
Yeah.
118
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:29,970
PAUL:
Uh, Mr. Mayor?
Yeah.
119
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,872
Listen, I have kind of
a special favor to ask you.
120
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:32,973
What's that smell?
121
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,207
Oh, that's
my cologne.
122
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,444
It's wonderful.
Thank you.
123
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:37,511
What brand is it?
124
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,347
Seduction.
125
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:43,050
Hey, Paul,
men's fragrances
are on the fourth floor.
126
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,986
This is first floor,
city government.
127
00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:47,455
What favor
you wanted to ask?
128
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:50,057
Sir, there's a meeting
of my fan club tonight.
129
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,626
Paul, well, hey.
You've got
a fan club, huh?
130
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,261
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
131
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,863
Mike, do I have
a fan club?
132
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,731
Oh, yes,
you do, sir.
Oh.
133
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:59,367
It's called
the city of New York.
Oh.
134
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,669
Yeah, well,
if you're not
too busy,
135
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,103
it would really
be a thrill
136
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,506
if everybody could,
you know, sort of
come by to meet you.
137
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,774
I'd love to, Paul.
138
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,241
Oh! No,
I'm sorry,
I can't.
139
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,611
I've got to, um...
Mike, tell him what.
140
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,880
Oh, you know,
well, you can't, sir.
He can't because
141
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,114
you've got the...
142
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,484
Well, sir,
you're busy for
the next seven years.
143
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:17,718
Yeah, well, see there?
144
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,753
Damn.
My hands
are tied.
145
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,455
Mr. Mayor,
it's your wife, sir.
146
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:22,456
(MUMBLES)
147
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,124
Her charity function
was canceled.
148
00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:25,959
She wants to know
if you can meet for dinner.
149
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,896
Ah, well, tell her
I've already committed
150
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:29,997
to making
an appearance
151
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,999
at Paul's fan club
meeting tonight.
152
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,834
If only she had
caught me earlier.
153
00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,936
It's all about
timing, sir.
Ooh.
154
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,104
Mike, why do
I have to work
155
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,672
on this midnight
basketball initiative?
156
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,773
This is
minority affairs.
157
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,274
That's Carter's job,
not mine.
158
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,777
You've been out
in the city lately?
You are the minority.
159
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,147
I'm talking here.
160
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,550
Mike, I'd be happy
to do this alone.
Very happy.
161
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,652
Listen up,
Bert, Ernie...
162
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:58,659
I want this presentation
first thing tomorrow morning.
163
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,127
(SIGHS)
164
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,429
Hey, Mike.
Hey.
165
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,830
Guess who I ran
into this morning.
166
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,698
Do you remember
Joe Reed?
167
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,333
Lived in your
freshman dorm?
168
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,168
Huge head,
size of a pumpkin?
169
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,338
Oh, Joe, yeah.
Joe. Joe.
170
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,474
He could barely
walk upright.
171
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:14,675
What's he doing now?
172
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:16,143
Couldn't tell you.
The whole time
he was talking,
173
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,511
I just
kept thinking,
174
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,948
"My God, will you
look at the size
of this guy's melon?"
175
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,250
The guy was
cranially challenged.
176
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,453
Let's not
get vicious.
Oh, really?
177
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,821
Now, what was it
you called Joe
in college?
178
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,557
Frankenhead.
179
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,358
Oh, listen, if you
want to talk about
that police thing,
180
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:32,826
I got ten minutes
right now.
181
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,828
Oh, I can't.
I'm on my way to court.
What about this afternoon?
182
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,329
City council.
183
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,231
Well, we really should
take care of this
pretty soon.
184
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,767
Besides, I want
to catch up on what
everybody's doing.
185
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:41,869
Remember
Betsy Holden?
186
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:44,137
"Two drinks
and I'm yours"?
187
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,806
She was
my best friend.
188
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,009
I knew that.
189
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,277
I'm kidding.
190
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,145
I knew that.
(CHUCKLES)
191
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,547
Listen, I'm
free tonight.
192
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,049
We could grab dinner
and take care of
all this stuff.
193
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,486
Uh, guys, don't we have
a lot of work tonight?
194
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,187
No. No.
Nothing, nothing.
No. No.
195
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:02,089
Nothing that
can't wait.
You can go.
196
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,491
Yeah, okay.
Why not?
197
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:04,492
8:00?
198
00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:05,959
Actually, 7:00's
better for him.
199
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,495
I'll make
the reservations.
200
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,967
Excuse me.
Oh, hi.
201
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,268
I'm Claudia Sacks,
202
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:17,605
president of
the Paul Lassiter Fan Club.
203
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:19,840
Yes, I know.
You do wonderful
work, Ms. Sacks.
204
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:20,941
Oh, it's Claudia.
205
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,009
Claudia, yes.
206
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,978
Oh. Well,
this is the room.
207
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:26,514
It's a
banquet room.
208
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,082
Actually it's
a conference room.
209
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:31,418
Conference
slash banquet.
210
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,354
Oh, and here's
your name tag.
211
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,790
Ooh. (LAUGHS)
212
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,660
And, um...
These are
your pictures.
213
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,295
Here's a sharpie,
in case you want
to sign autographs.
214
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,164
Thank you.
This is our newsletter.
215
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,934
Lassiter Fun Facts
in four different colors.
216
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:49,336
"Paul won
the bronze medal
for public speaking
217
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,572
"when he was at St. Mary's
Elementary School."
218
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:54,407
It was a
silver medal, actually.
Oh.
219
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,109
Well, I'll
correct that.
220
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,712
Let it go.
Let it go.
That's fine.
221
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,548
So. I, uh...
222
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,950
(CLICKS TONGUE) I guess
I'm early, huh?
223
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:06,386
Actually, um... No.
224
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:08,656
No?
225
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,891
God, I just
feel horrible.
226
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,927
I mean, you really do
have so many fans
out there.
227
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,264
I know.
I talk to them
on the Internet.
228
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,431
This is it?
We have such
229
00:08:18,566 --> 00:08:20,400
a good time
talking about you.
230
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:23,771
You know, the way you say,
"Next question, please."
231
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:27,274
That look you give reporters
when you're upset with them...
232
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:28,642
Like now.
233
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,011
Oh, Mr. Lassiter,
234
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,313
the last thing
I wanted to do
235
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:35,315
was embarrass you.
236
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:37,184
I'm not embarrassed.
237
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,452
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen!
238
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,092
Hmm.
239
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,728
Well, at least
there's no line
at the bar.
240
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,364
Guys, this is our first
night off in forever.
241
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,600
Why do we have
to sit around
242
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,002
and you drink
like a bunch
of college boys?
243
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,637
Why can't we
just talk?
244
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,472
So, what's new?
245
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,675
Ta-da!
246
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,511
Ah.
I call it
the Stuart Surprise.
247
00:09:04,612 --> 00:09:06,614
What's in it?
No idea. If I knew,
248
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,249
I'd call it
the Stuart I Know
What's In It.
249
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:12,886
I'm in. (CLEARS THROAT)
Well, do you
shoot it, or what?
250
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,221
Again, no idea.
251
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,628
(BOTH GAGGING)
252
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,029
Here.
Wash it down
with these.
253
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,731
Wash it down
with these.
254
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,535
(BOTH GAGGING)
255
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,503
It's
delicious.
256
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,272
(BOTH COUGHING)
257
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:34,975
(RASPING) Smooth.
258
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,911
I'm going to
the bathroom.
259
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,179
(STUART LAUGHING)
260
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,851
That guy can't
hold his liquor.
261
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,858
...from the outside,
he sets, he shoots,
he pumps...
262
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:54,294
Nothing but trash.
My house, huh? Huh?
263
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:57,665
Yeah, I never
get tired of that game.
264
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,801
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh, so now
you wanna
265
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,402
play a little
one-on-one.
266
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:03,937
Maybe after dinner.
267
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,940
I'm sorry.
I thought you were
the cleaning lady.
268
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,942
Oh. You two play
a lot of basketball,
do you?
269
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,612
Not so much
since she blew
her knee out.
270
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,514
Gimme a couple
of seconds, here.
I'll be ready to go.
271
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,583
All right.
You know,
272
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,586
this is exactly
how I pictured
your office.
273
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,588
Really?
With the, uh, walls
274
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,957
and the door
and everything?
275
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:27,160
(LAUGHING)
276
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:30,030
What the hell was that?
That wasn't even funny.
277
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,302
Listen to me.
278
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,304
I sound like
I'm 16 again.
279
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,106
This feels
really familiar.
280
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:42,109
She's nervous.
There's this weird
kinda tension.
281
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,812
Your hands are sweating.
Why are your hands sweating?
282
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,282
Oh, my God.
This is a date.
283
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,751
Red alert. Red alert.
284
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,287
Uh, you know what,
it's a little chilly in here.
285
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,589
Why don't you
put that back on?
286
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:57,657
Everybody out
of the building.
287
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:58,892
This is not
a drill.
288
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,293
Oh, are you
ready to go?
289
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,396
You know, I can't,
because I got
this big work thing.
290
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,032
You know,
the safety of the city
291
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:06,767
basically depends
on it, so...
292
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,469
Don't touch her.
Your hands are slimy.
293
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,572
Oh. Well, we still
have to talk about
that police indictment.
294
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,274
And we should
talk about that,
and we will.
295
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,542
Tell you what,
I'll call you.
296
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,410
No, I'll write...
I'll fax you, all right?
297
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,746
I'll send
a carrier pigeon.
298
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,981
See ya.
Yeah, okay.
All right.
299
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,119
That was nicely handled.
Very smooth.
300
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,327
Oh.
301
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,271
(CHUCKLES)
302
00:11:53,781 --> 00:11:55,048
(SMALL VOICE)
Oh, no.
303
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,618
(NORMAL VOICE) Oh, God!
(YELPS)
304
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,353
Oh, my God!
305
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:02,255
Oh!
306
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:05,826
Well, I just
wanna say again
307
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:08,361
how truly sorry I am
about last night.
308
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,297
Yeah, well, I hope
you didn't bring
the whole fan club here,
309
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,200
you know,
'cause we don't wanna
create a fire hazard.
310
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,503
How did the big
party go?
311
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:17,838
(STAMMERS)
312
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,573
Oh, come on. Spill it, Paul.
I bet they made up T-shirts.
313
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:21,641
You know,
I would like
314
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:24,477
to put Paul Lassiter
on my chest.
315
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,881
Yes, I said chest.
You're like a horny
little chimp.
316
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,184
Well, to be
honest with you,
317
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,153
the whole
fan club thing,
it was just...
318
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,822
Only about
the most fun
I've ever had.
319
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,424
Morning, people.
Really, it was delightful.
320
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:41,061
I only wish that
my supporters were
as loyal as yours.
321
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,597
Well, good morning,
Ms. President.
Mr. Mayor.
322
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:47,534
Don't forget to tell me
about that next meeting, huh?
323
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:48,601
PAUL: Mr. Mayor?
Yeah.
324
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,303
Mr. Mayor.
Mr. Mayor.
Yeah.
325
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:51,404
(GRUNTS)
326
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:56,844
Not a real
hugger, Paul.
327
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,646
Don't take away
my incentive to make
these little gestures.
328
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:06,019
Are you sure
you don't remember
what happened?
329
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,756
Sorry, Stuart.
It's all a blur.
330
00:13:12,692 --> 00:13:15,128
There might have
been dancing.
331
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:19,566
Well, look who
decided to show up.
332
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,334
It's America's
favorite couple.
333
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,503
I don't want to hear
any of your excuses, okay?
334
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,873
Your tardiness has put us
way behind schedule,
335
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,507
so why don't you two
cozy up?
336
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:30,277
'Cause you're
gonna be spendin'
the night together.
337
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,580
It'd be
the first time.
338
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,086
Okay.
Let's get rolling,
339
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:40,888
'cause we got
a lot of work to do.
340
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,155
(CLEARS THROAT)
Mike, we didn't mind
341
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,523
spending time with you
when Ashley left,
342
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,158
and we know
you're hurting,
343
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:47,527
so, we understand
why you're burying
yourself in your work,
344
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,496
but enough is enough.
345
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:54,034
We're worried
about you, Mike.
346
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,668
I'm healing.
I'll be fine.
347
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:56,937
No. No, no, no.
348
00:13:57,037 --> 00:14:00,407
Uh, we're worried
about what we're
gonna to do you
349
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,111
if you keep us here
another night.
350
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:07,514
Sorry I had
to get rough
with you, man.
351
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:12,953
Mike... I was supposed
352
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,288
to go have drinks
with some people tonight.
353
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,689
Danielle's
gonna be there.
354
00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,259
I thought maybe you'd...
No, no, no, no.
I can't.
355
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:22,395
No, because
Danielle thinks
I'm in play,
356
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,264
and I can't
even get out of
the locker room.
357
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,667
She's an
offensive machine.
She can score at will.
358
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,438
It's baby steps, Mike.
359
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,273
It's time.
360
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,375
(SCOFFS)
All right. Okay.
361
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,010
All right.
I'll go. I'll go.
362
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,845
You guys all take
the night off.
363
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,147
BOTH: Whoo!
JAMES: Yeah.
364
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,648
Whoo-hoo.
Except you two.
365
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:42,950
I gotta make that
366
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,384
proposal in
the morning,
so why don't you two
367
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:45,953
go find a room
and don't come out
368
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:49,322
until you figure out
a way to make balls
bounce at midnight.
369
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,033
So, the last time
I saw you in college,
370
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,601
you had your
shirt off,
371
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,537
you were drinking beer
out of one of those
ridiculous hats,
372
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:08,175
and you were screaming,
"I rule," over and over.
373
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,610
Yeah.
374
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,745
How did you ever
become the deputy mayor?
375
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,848
Well, I did
the exact same thing
during my interview.
376
00:15:18,485 --> 00:15:20,287
Oh, I'm sorry.
You want more peanuts?
377
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,821
Mike, we've already
had four bowls.
378
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,024
See, this is part
of my overall
apology strategy.
379
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:27,194
I, you know,
say I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
380
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:28,861
until you find it
really annoying.
381
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,497
It was
a little much.
382
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,032
I'm sorry,
383
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,633
and then,
you know,
384
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,769
that's followed by
endless bowls of peanuts
until you forgive me.
385
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,138
I forgive you.
386
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,540
All right. Then
my work here is done.
Hold the nuts.
387
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:42,875
Well, this is it.
388
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,844
Chairs.
Podium.
Painting.
389
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,014
Everything you see on TV
except for the cameras,
390
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,081
which you
wouldn't see
391
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,149
because they're...
They're the ones
392
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:50,717
filming it.
(CHUCKLES)
Wow.
393
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,020
How cool is this?
394
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:54,621
Yeah.
So impressive.
395
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:58,391
Paul, can you stand
behind the podium...
396
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,061
For me?
397
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:09,902
You happy?
398
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:12,939
I know what
you're trying to do.
399
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,308
Yes, ma'am.
400
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,609
When Mr. Mayor
took office,
401
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:19,812
he promised to take care
of the pothole problem,
402
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,649
yet it seems
to have gotten worse.
403
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,552
Well, appearances
can be deceiving.
404
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,655
You see, because
this administration
has discovered
405
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,358
that potholes
are a way of combating
406
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,926
another scourge
of our city,
407
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,662
drag racing.
408
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,799
So, one has
to ask themself,
409
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:40,933
are potholes
a problem,
410
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,670
or do they
save lives?
411
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,475
Oh, that
was brilliant.
412
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,712
Yes, ma'am?
You in the front?
413
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,547
Mr. Lassiter,
414
00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,785
would you kiss me?
415
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,588
Well, I see...
I don't think we're
prepared to answer...
416
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,761
They'll be
no further questions.
417
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,367
Is... Is part of
your apology plan
418
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,169
to get me really,
really drunk?
419
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:18,738
No, no, these
are for Nikki
and her friends.
420
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,473
Where did
they go, anyway?
421
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,442
I don't know.
I thought they
were at the bar.
422
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,710
Wait a minute.
Did I hear them
423
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,412
say something about
going to a club?
424
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:26,946
Oh. Yeah.
You wanna go
find 'em?
425
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,849
No, no. I'm not
a club kinda guy.
426
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,184
If I wanna shout
in someone's ear,
427
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,153
I'll go visit
my grandma.
428
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,557
Are you all right
that we're alone?
429
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:38,691
You're not about
to have a crisis
430
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,127
at the office,
are you?
431
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:43,196
Well, I can't
very well do it now
that you said that.
432
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:46,999
I am just saying
that if you wanna
call it a night, we can.
433
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:49,001
No. Hey,
come on, look...
434
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,002
I can
handle this.
435
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,872
I mean, after all,
we are two grown-up,
436
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:55,242
professional people
who just happen to be
437
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:58,044
of the opposite...sex.
438
00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,412
I'll tell you what.
439
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,681
We will take all of
the danger out of
the situation
440
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,983
by behaving
exactly the opposite
of how we would
441
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:05,652
if this was a date.
442
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,487
I... I don't
follow you.
443
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,156
How much money
do you make?
444
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:12,459
Oh, I get it. I see.
445
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,362
I am
unbelievably shallow.
446
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,299
I'm lookin'
to have kids...
447
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,634
Soon.
448
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,305
I have never
449
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,207
satisfied a woman
in bed,
450
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,844
and I have no problem
with that.
451
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,214
Are you ready
to order?
452
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,516
Yes. I'll have
the lobster.
WAITRESS: Lobster.
453
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,784
Should I really
do this?
454
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,886
Oh, definitely.
Why not?
455
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,288
You're payin'
for it.
456
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,358
You don't
remember anything?
457
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,526
Look...
458
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:49,196
Even if anything
did go on,
459
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,399
I'm certainly not
gonna go shootin'
my mouth off about it.
460
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,000
I got a rep
to protect.
461
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,069
And you, to be
perfectly honest,
462
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,938
don't make much
of a trophy, okay?
463
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,946
So, you're
ashamed of me?
464
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,616
Nothing happened, okay?
465
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:11,751
We were drunk.
You couldn't find
your apartment keys,
466
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,221
so I let you
crash at my place.
467
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,488
Why didn't you
tell me?
468
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:16,723
I wanted to
teach you a lesson.
469
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,391
When you look at me,
all you see is
a gay person.
470
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,993
I'm just a guy, Stuart,
I'm a friend of yours.
471
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,262
I know that.
472
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,396
Oh, really?
Well, if Paul
had taken you home,
473
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,564
would you have
worried then?
474
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,098
No. But he's not gay.
Stuart!
475
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,300
Just because I'm gay,
it doesn't mean
476
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,968
I sleep with
every man I get
a chance to.
477
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:30,437
Look at you.
You're straight.
478
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,572
Do you sleep with
every woman you
get a change to?
479
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,106
Yes!
480
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:41,414
Woman?
481
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,782
Man.
482
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,152
Nice ass.
483
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,522
You know,
for a guy.
(CHUCKLES)
484
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,690
It's changes
like that
485
00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,124
that make me love
this city.
486
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,894
They make me
really fear
blind dates.
487
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:58,265
Well, this is where
I get off.
488
00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,403
And then things
got awkward.
489
00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:04,637
Yeah, yeah.
490
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:06,839
Well, usually when
an evening goes
this well,
491
00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:10,677
this is the point
where the guy...
492
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,912
Or the girl.
493
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,148
I can't do this.
494
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,787
I just ended
a long relationship,
495
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,256
and I'm still at home
reading old letters.
496
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,359
But you know what?
497
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:28,395
She dumped me.
498
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,730
I mean, I should
be able to move on.
499
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,833
I'm a grown man.
I can do this.
500
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,937
I can't do this.
501
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:39,839
Take your time.
Figure it out.
502
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,842
I don't have to
be at work for
a few hours yet.
503
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,143
Why should I
be uncomfortable?
504
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,879
I mean, I had
a fantastic evening.
505
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:49,649
You are beautiful.
506
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,518
I really love
being with you.
507
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,020
I can do this.
Mike, I don't know.
508
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,888
Pucker up.
All right.
509
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:58,090
But I'm not
closing my eyes.
510
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,328
I can't do this.
511
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:03,029
I am
so shocked.
512
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:04,897
Oh. I just...
It wouldn't be
fair to you,
513
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:08,000
because I would be
thinking about
somebody else.
514
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,036
I understand.
515
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,138
Timing, huh?
516
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:13,473
Yeah.
517
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:15,608
What was her name?
518
00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:17,344
Ashley.
519
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,346
Mmm. Pretty name.
520
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:21,548
Yeah.
521
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:26,085
Well, good night,
Mike.
522
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:26,953
Yeah.
523
00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:28,355
I had a really
great time.
524
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:29,989
Yeah, me, too.
525
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:31,691
But this is
the right thing.
526
00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:39,566
Oh, my God.
I want her.
527
00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:42,502
Shut up.
528
00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:45,237
Sorry. I'm hungry.
529
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,209
NIKKI:
That's it?
530
00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:52,679
Yeah. I didn't
even kiss her.
531
00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:55,515
Nothing.
Why?
532
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,384
Because you're a wuss.
533
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,922
Apparently, I'm deep.
534
00:22:03,022 --> 00:22:04,223
That doesn't
sound right.
535
00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:05,592
You're not
deep, Mike.
536
00:22:05,692 --> 00:22:07,159
Well, it's late.
537
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:08,661
Anyone ready
to go to bed?
538
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:11,398
She wants you.
38406
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