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1
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:09,743
We had the greatest day.
I laughed at all of his jokes.
2
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,579
I did the whole,
"You're so fascinating.
3
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,614
"Please continue talking
about yourself" gambit.
4
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,117
I pulled out all the stops.
He still hasn't called.
5
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,986
I'll take things
I don't care about
for $100, Alex.
6
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,256
Good morning.
7
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,491
ALL: Good morning.
Good morning.
8
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,659
Jamie, I really enjoyed
the Mayor's chat
9
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,595
with the transit authority
commission last night.
10
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,996
It was a very
effective speech.
11
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:30,398
Thank you.
12
00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:33,334
Can you do me a favor
and read this line
I've circled there?
13
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:35,436
"We're all so very proud
of our new unique...
14
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,772
"Unique New York,
New York,
Newark connector."
15
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:42,009
Took the Mayor
about 25 minutes
to get through that.
16
00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:44,145
You might want
to start reading
these things aloud,
17
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,546
especially with
the arrival next week
18
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:48,082
of the six Sikh sheiks
from Sheik-al Sham.
19
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,119
You're making
that up, right?
20
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,654
Okay, next item.
21
00:00:53,754 --> 00:00:56,524
The Mayor's taping
an episode of
Counterpoint tomorrow.
22
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,126
We will make sure
that he is prepared.
23
00:00:58,226 --> 00:00:59,893
Topic, superstores
in urban centers.
24
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,929
Oh, I hate those stores!
25
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,131
Last time I went to one,
26
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:05,966
I got lost for the better
part of a weekend.
27
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,035
Well, Paulie, that's why
we tie a balloon to your wrist
28
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,138
before we send you down
to the Xerox room.
29
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,406
That builder center
they opened up in Brooklyn
30
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,375
knocked out eight
mom and pop
hardware stores.
31
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,210
MIKE: That's a good
issue for us.
32
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,880
These stores are going to
provide tax revenue to this
city in the amount of...
33
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,450
(STUTTERS)
Every year, it'll be...
34
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,152
(SIGHS) Geez,
we should know this.
35
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,220
(PAUL CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)
36
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,688
In a second, Paul.
37
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:29,022
I want information.
(PAUL CONTINUES
CLEARING THROAT)
38
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:30,458
Exactly how much money
is the city's getting,
39
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:33,327
I wanna know
how many jobs
will be created,
40
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,163
I want...
I want to know
41
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:36,897
what you're
chokin' on, Paul.
42
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,967
Nothing. I got
a tickle in my throat.
43
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,635
Paul's got the bug.
We've all had it.
44
00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:43,171
Not me.
And you know why?
45
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:46,507
Because I take over
40 vitamins
and minerals a day.
46
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,242
It's called a bowl
of Total, Stuart.
47
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:51,679
American's onto
your little secret.
48
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,848
You all get sick
because you're weak.
Sickness is all up here.
49
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,418
The only thing that can
fight off a virus
is hearty resolve.
50
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,486
Are you with me, Paul?
51
00:01:58,586 --> 00:01:59,953
I amb, Bike.
52
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:01,889
Feelin' strong?
53
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:04,024
(IN NASAL VOICE)
Got the strength
of 10 men!
54
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:06,194
You like crackers
and ginger ale?
Love 'em.
55
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,795
Great. 'Cause you're
about eight hours away
56
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,730
from wishing to God
you could hold 'em down.
57
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,202
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
58
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,783
How you doin', honey?
59
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,084
Oh...
60
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,021
No, no, no, nothing
to be afraid of.
61
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,257
Yes, there is.
You're lying to me.
62
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,325
Not true.
63
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:38,992
You know
Charlie Morris, right?
64
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:42,230
Yeah. He's debating
the Mayor tomorrow night
on Counterpoint.
65
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,298
Here it comes.
66
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,335
I'm replacing him
on the show.
67
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,002
What happened to Charlie?
68
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,805
We like Charlie.
69
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:53,674
Charlie's easy
to deal with.
70
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,309
Charlie likes
a nice steak dinner.
71
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,246
Well, Charlie should
lay off the red meat,
72
00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:00,881
because Charlie went in
for a double bypass
this morning.
73
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,016
Okay, note to self,
74
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,386
cancel Charlie's
cheese-of-the-month
Christmas gift.
75
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,756
Anyway, I just wanted
to let you know.
76
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,057
Hope it's not
a problem for ya.
77
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,760
Oh, hey, it's not
a problem for me.
Why would it be?
78
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,094
Alrighty then.
79
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:17,531
One, two, three...
80
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,099
Hey, what are you, uh...
81
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:21,435
What do you know about
superstores, anyway?
82
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,903
You mean besides
what I learned
83
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,972
during my four-part
series on them last week
84
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,940
that you told me
you watched and loved?
85
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,043
I taped them.
And I'm planning
on loving them.
86
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,280
Hello, Michael.
Ms. Schaeffer.
87
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,682
No. You can understand
if I don't feel comfortable
88
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,751
consorting with
my opponent?
89
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:41,355
I'm just kidding.
Just kidding. That's my
game face, you see.
90
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:43,857
Pretty good, huh? Huh?
91
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,459
Want to see
the other side?
92
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,801
(WHISTLES)
93
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,438
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
94
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,209
Nikki Faber,
you want to talk
to me about something?
95
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:04,945
You see? I didn't
have to say a word.
You knew.
96
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:07,315
This is why I come to you.
You are so sensitive.
97
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,082
Ah, yes, sensitive.
98
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,952
That's hetero-speak for gay.
99
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,855
No. I'm just saying
you know how men think
100
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,325
because you are one,
but you also date men,
101
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,393
So you also understand
what a woman has to deal with.
102
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:22,463
Let's face it.
You're homosexual,
but you're bi-helpful.
103
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,633
Fair enough.
What's your problem?
104
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:26,934
He still hasn't called.
105
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,369
Well, I'm sorry.
I really am.
106
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,739
Nope. Nope.
I need more than that.
I need to know why.
107
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,106
Okay, give me a minute.
108
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,509
Wait. I'm getting something...
109
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,010
I'm getting something.
110
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,146
Uh, he's walking
past a phone.
111
00:04:39,246 --> 00:04:41,148
He... He stops!
He stops!
112
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,350
He's dialing
your number.
113
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:45,653
The phone should
be ringing
right about...
114
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:47,087
Now!
115
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,357
Oh, how cool
that would have been
if that had happened.
116
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:52,893
Forget it.
117
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,962
Hey, come on.
Just trying to cheer
you up. Come here.
118
00:04:58,466 --> 00:04:59,433
Poor Nikki.
119
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,102
Yeah. I wonder
120
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,772
if that guy has any idea
how much she likes him.
121
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,575
Come on. How could
a guy not know when
a girl was into him?
122
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,778
I really like
your sweater, James.
123
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,212
Thanks.
124
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,483
My old girlfriend
gave this to me.
125
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:17,685
God, she was hot.
126
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,192
(COUGHING) Mike,
127
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,695
my worst fear
has been confirmed.
128
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,129
(CONTINUES COUGHING)
129
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,768
Coughing in my face
was your worst fear?
130
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:38,071
No. That tickle
has blossomed into
full-blown influenza.
131
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,507
I got the shakes,
the chills...
132
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:42,075
Paul, you could
tell me you had
the boogie-woogie fever.
133
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,711
I'd still drag you
in there by your tongue.
134
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:44,978
I can't talk.
135
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,948
I feel like somebody
stuck a hairdryer
in my mouth.
136
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:52,152
Go take care of yourself.
Drink a bottle of moisturizer
or something.
137
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,254
It's just a daily briefing.
I think I can handle it.
138
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,690
Oh, you're a very
kind and generous man.
139
00:05:56,790 --> 00:06:00,428
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You go home. You count
that as a sick day.
140
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,195
Bless you, sir.
141
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:08,301
Good afternoon, class.
My name is Mr. Flaherty.
142
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:11,505
I'll be your substitute
press secretary
for the afternoon.
143
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,007
Let's kick off
with some questions.
144
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,308
Yes.
145
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,277
Mike, any truth
to the rumor
that the Mayor's office
146
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:21,449
is considering changing
city zoning laws
to bring in superstores?
147
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,016
No comment.
148
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,519
Meaning that you haven't
done anything, or you're
withholding information?
149
00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:29,457
Surprisingly,
I have no comment
on my no comment.
150
00:06:30,924 --> 00:06:32,159
Okay, let's move on.
151
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,161
The City Hall Santa Claus
will be in the lobby
152
00:06:34,261 --> 00:06:36,464
all this week between
the hours noon
and 3:00 p.m.
153
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:39,099
Between noon and 3:00.
Where do those hours
leave working mothers
154
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,634
who want
to take their kids
to visit Santa?
155
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,604
You'll have to check
with Mrs. Claus
156
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,574
regarding Santa's schedule.
157
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:49,477
We have him from
between noon and 3:00 p.m.
158
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,344
So, you're leaving them
no other option?
159
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:55,248
Perhaps they can visit
one of the other
700,000 Santa Clauses
160
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:59,620
in New York City.
We have him between
noon and 3:00.
161
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,989
Are there any other questions?
Please, someone else.
162
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,258
Why don't you
just call him?
163
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:09,129
I can't.
I'm not a caller.
I'm a callee.
164
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,064
I go out on a date.
I come home.
165
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:14,034
I listen to my messages.
It's a very nice life.
166
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,336
But to be
a caller? No way!
167
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,105
You make that first
phone call,
168
00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,707
it's all down hill
from there.
169
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:22,375
Next thing you know,
you got a thousand cats,
you're living in Brooklyn.
170
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,012
Can I borrow you
for a second?
171
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,847
If you want any more
superstore facts,
172
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:30,518
ask someone else,
because Super Carter
is super tired.
173
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,886
I'm sorry about that.
No. Check that.
174
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:36,590
I'm super sorry
about that. It'll
just take a sec.
175
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,661
Hey, Nikki,
you feeling
a little better?
176
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,030
Oh, yeah.
Carter's really
helping me out.
177
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,699
What is it
about men, James?
178
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,636
Uh, you're going to
have to be a little
more specific.
179
00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:51,539
All right. Why is it
if a guy likes somebody,
180
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,808
he can't just
pick up the phone,
call 'em, let 'em know?
181
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:58,078
Hey, I like somebody,
I'd tell them I like
them right away.
182
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,081
And if someone likes me,
I'd want to know
as soon as possible.
183
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,884
Some people
call that desperate.
184
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,453
I prefer needy.
185
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:09,256
You have no idea
how adorable
you are, do ya?
186
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:12,392
Why can't I find
a guy like you,
James, huh?
187
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,132
Bye, Nikki.
188
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,638
Maybe...
Maybe I went
a little too far
189
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,473
with the whole
Santa Claus thing.
190
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:29,142
But I'm telling you,
when I saw you
come out there,
191
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,912
I felt like I was at
a shooting gallery.
192
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,816
Every time your little
duck head popped up
from behind that podium...
193
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,586
Ooh! Ping! Ping!
Ping, ping, ping, ping!
194
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,621
God, it was fun!
195
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,890
Oh, yeah,
it was a hoot.
196
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,025
You have any idea
how much damage
you've caused?
197
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:49,062
Thanks to you, Paul's pulling
the night shift next week
in a Santa suit.
198
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:52,700
The only thing those kids
are going to get for Christmas
is a wet, hacking cough.
199
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,302
Worst part is,
you're down there
doing all the shooting,
200
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:56,670
and I'm up there
dodging the bullets.
201
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,607
I wish, just once,
the shoe was on
the other foot.
202
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,508
I wish I got to ask
you the questions.
203
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:02,710
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
204
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,645
Uh, Mike, it's Randall.
205
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:07,848
(COUGHS) I've come down
with that thing Paul's got.
206
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:10,984
I'm too sick to do
that TV show. I'm sorry,
207
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,020
but you're going to have
to fill in for me.
208
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,693
Okay.
209
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,494
Now I wish I'd win
the lottery.
210
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,930
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
211
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:25,032
Huh. Nothing.
212
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:28,902
Well, I'll just have to settle
for taking you down.
213
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,638
Bring it on, lover.
214
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,179
Carter, have a minute?
Something important's
going on.
215
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,314
I know. Mike's
going to war.
216
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,652
He's not going to
let us rest until we
get him 100% prepared.
217
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:47,054
Yeah. You think
Nikki likes me?
218
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:51,692
Likes you as in
as a coworker,
or likes you or as in
219
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:54,027
"This is going to be
the longest
conversation of my life"?
220
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,666
Nicky said,
"Why can't I find
a guy like you, James?"
221
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:01,134
And who's more like
James than James?
Oh, boy.
222
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,170
Here she comes.
If you hear anything,
let me know.
223
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,972
Okay, James.
224
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:07,540
I'm telling you, Mike,
this is all the
information
225
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,176
we have on superstores.
226
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:13,146
Everything there is
to know is condensed
into this little, tiny...
227
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,017
Ten thousand
pound book?
228
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:19,653
Would you like
some help with that?
229
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:20,988
No, no. My arms
are just tired.
230
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,890
I worked out at
the gym this morning.
231
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,193
You know what, Mike,
I could organize
all the facts
232
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:27,394
so that it's easier
for you to follow.
233
00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,963
See, I believe in
paying attention
to details.
234
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,365
Uh, whether
it's the exact
number of new jobs
235
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,802
that superstores generate
for the city, or, uh,
236
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:38,138
timing the perfect dinner,
so it coincides with sunset.
237
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:48,615
Your shirt's
buttoned wrong.
238
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:52,019
Damn!
239
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,689
Mike, we've been at this
since 6:00 this morning.
240
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,590
Maybe you've got
enough information.
241
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,693
That's impossible.
My mind is like
a machine,
242
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,829
and it can store
an endless supply of facts.
243
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,530
I can spit 'em out
on demand.
244
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,866
Stuart, your birthday
is May 24, 1964.
245
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,735
Nikki, your mother's
maiden name
is Shaunessy.
246
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:11,504
James, you had
an erotic dream
about Barbra Streisand.
247
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,240
Mike, that was our secret.
248
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:19,112
No, no. The secret
part was she was
dressed up as Yentl.
249
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:25,518
Mike, I've looked over
Ashley's tapes,
250
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,387
and she doesn't have
a lot of weaknesses.
251
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,589
However, I may have
found an Achilles' heel.
252
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,558
For some reason
253
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,127
she seems to care
deeply about you.
254
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,898
I'll give her
my hurt face.
255
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,233
She always caves in when
I give her my hurt face.
256
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,372
Exactly. And if you
get in any real trouble,
257
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,307
may I suggest
leaning across the table,
258
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,143
and discreetly threatening
to break up with her.
Hi, Ashley.
259
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:53,113
Hey. Look at this!
260
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,249
A binder full of data,
an overworked staff,
261
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,552
and a very tense
Deputy Mayor.
All for little me?
262
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:03,623
Well, Mr. Flaherty,
I do declare, this
war's already over.
263
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,793
Oh, no, this war
hasn't even begun.
264
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:08,796
See this book?
Ash, everything
in here
265
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:10,597
is in here.
266
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:12,132
Well, good luck.
267
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,334
I just want to say
it's been nice knowing you.
268
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:17,370
You're an excellent dancer.
You make wonderful soups,
269
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,706
and I really enjoyed that
weekend in Bucks County.
270
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,342
I appreciate that, Mike,
and, uh, by the way,
271
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,643
we never went
to Bucks County.
272
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:24,945
Sorry.
273
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,247
Got a lot of stuff up here.
274
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,821
Oh, sorry, sir.
I didn't think you
were coming in today.
275
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,288
Shouldn't you be
at home resting?
276
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,557
Probably, but Helen
didn't want me
getting the help sick.
277
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,192
They're very
important to her.
278
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:44,697
I'm sure the help
appreciates it.
279
00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:47,034
Probably be reflected
in your Christmas bonus.
280
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,838
You're preparing hard
for that debate
with Ashley, huh?
281
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,605
Oh, yes, sir.
We're going to
make us proud.
282
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:53,974
I'm sure you will.
283
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:56,844
Care to take a little walk
down memory lane
with me, Mike?
284
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,379
Uh... How...
285
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,648
How long a walk do you
think that'll be, sir?
286
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,450
'Cause I got this TV thing.
287
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,419
Look at this here.
288
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:11,558
That's me
in high school.
289
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:14,862
Prom night.
290
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,229
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
291
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,466
College days, uh...
292
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:22,602
Oh, there's me and
my fraternity brothers
on luau night.
293
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:24,437
Nice grass skirt
there, sir.
294
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:28,241
Would you look at
where you're holding
that tiki torch?
295
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,609
Yeah, yeah.
296
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:32,012
You know, sir,
I probably should
just hang on to this
297
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,881
until you retire
from politics.
298
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,517
There's a lot
of memories in
this thing, Mike.
299
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,387
[whistles] Who's that?
300
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,956
That's Valerie Horn,
301
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:44,491
the one that got away.
302
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:45,893
Old flame, huh, sir?
303
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:48,561
She was the tennis coach
at my club the summer
304
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,297
that I graduated
from college.
305
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,899
And, um...
306
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:55,135
Well, when we met,
the attraction was instant.
307
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:58,906
And by the third set,
we'd fallen in love.
308
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,974
Wow, that's a...
309
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,210
That's a beautiful
story, sir.
310
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:06,446
Boy meets girl,
boy falls in love
with girl.
311
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:09,416
Deputy Mayor's late
for a television
appearance.
312
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,553
Sadly, that's when
the competition kicked in.
313
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:18,558
The friendly games
became more and more
hotly contested.
314
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:23,931
At one point,
I tattooed her thigh
with an overhead that...
315
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,365
Pssh!
316
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,601
Did you at least
give her that little
317
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,403
"It's all right" wave?
318
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,340
On match point,
I finished her off
with an ace.
319
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,108
I was so happy
320
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,144
I tossed my racket
up into the air,
321
00:14:37,244 --> 00:14:40,147
and as I was waiting
for it to come down,
322
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:43,150
she walked off
the court and out
of my life forever.
323
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,518
You think the competition
drove you apart?
324
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,621
Yeah.
325
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,123
Yeah, I guess it did.
326
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,561
But that was a long
time ago, Mike.
(CLEARS THROAT)
327
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,596
Sir, uh, Valerie...
328
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:57,697
Mmm-hmm?
329
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,200
Well, what's
she doing now?
330
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,269
She went on to become
the most famous
331
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,604
lesbian tennis player
on the Eastern Seaboard.
332
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,575
Maybe he's right.
I never thought
333
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:11,078
that competition was
a problem between
Ashley and me,
334
00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:14,281
but lately, it's been
spilling over so much
into our personal life.
335
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:17,317
To an outsider, it probably
looks more like a contest
than a relationship.
336
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,453
But I could be overreacting.
I don't know.
What do you think?
337
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:25,392
I'm sorry, Mike,
I can't hear a word
you're saying.
338
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,794
My ears are
packed with fluid.
339
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,032
Thanks for
the help, Paul!
340
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,500
(YELLS) What?
341
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:42,142
I don't even think
James knows I exist.
342
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,414
Why don't you try
sitting next to him
and talking to him
343
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,016
until he loses
the will to live?
344
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,384
(CHUCKLES)
You're so silly.
345
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,521
I just want to know
if you think that
I should tell him.
346
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,089
Yes!
347
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,291
For God's sake,
please tell him now.
348
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:02,829
I can't!
349
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,798
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
where you rushing off to?
350
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,435
Mike's show comes on
in an hour.
351
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,403
That's not what
you're here to
talk about, is it?
352
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,439
No. No, no, no.
Big development.
353
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:14,174
Nikki asked me
to buy her a drink.
354
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,342
What do you think
I should get her?
355
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,510
I don't know.
How about a drink?
356
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,112
That's the thing.
She said "surprise me."
357
00:16:19,212 --> 00:16:20,613
Serve it to her naked.
358
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:32,459
(CLEARS THROAT)
359
00:16:32,559 --> 00:16:36,363
Well, I did it.
I'm a caller.
360
00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:38,498
There's no shame in that.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What happened?
361
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,568
Got the machine.
Jeff, Amy, and the kids
aren't home right now.
362
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,536
Please leave a message
after the beep.
363
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,339
Well?
364
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,541
I think it's obvious.
365
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:51,278
Jeff and his sister
Amy run an orphanage.
366
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:57,884
James, whatever
you're getting me,
make it a double.
367
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,093
Sounds like you're
getting an earful, buddy.
368
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,695
(COUGHS) You must
get this all day long.
369
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:11,098
Oh, yeah.
When I go home
to my girlfriend
370
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,299
and want to
talk about it,
371
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,966
it's the last thing
she wants to hear.
372
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,535
Mmm-hmm.
373
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,137
I think she's
leaving me.
374
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,342
Listen to this.
375
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,811
I come home,
and there's a guy
on the machine...
376
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:27,480
Now, what is
even more galling
377
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,582
is while the government
claims to be acting
378
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:30,717
in the best interests
of the people,
379
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,119
they completely
ignore the fact
380
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:35,021
that neighborhoods
and businesses
will be destroyed.
381
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,289
And that's just
irresponsible.
382
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:40,127
Strong words.
Counterpoint, Mr. Flaherty?
383
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,561
It's a complex issue.
384
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:45,031
Reasonable people
are going to disagree.
385
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,136
Scathing retort.
386
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,672
Do you dare rebut,
Ms. Schaeffer?
387
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:55,275
Well, I'm sure
as Mr. Flaherty
is aware,
388
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:59,011
that a superstore
invasion will cause
a traffic nightmare,
389
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:02,048
pollute the air,
and decimate small
businesses,
390
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,783
destroying
people's lives.
391
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:07,987
(CHUCKLES) If that doesn't
deserve a counterpoint,
I don't know what does.
392
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,159
Mr. Flaherty? Well?
393
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,762
Owen, it's
a free country.
394
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,265
What am I going to do,
criticize her 'cause
she's got an opinion?
395
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,267
Well, that's, uh...
396
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:24,637
That's kind of what
we do on this show.
397
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:27,874
Um...
398
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:32,212
Why don't we think
about that during this
commercial break?
399
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,413
And clear.
400
00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,948
Excuse me, I'm going
to go wake up the crew.
401
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:42,189
Well, hey. I think
it's going great.
What do you think?
402
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:43,990
Are you kidding?
I'm walking
all over you.
403
00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,693
This isn't a rehearsal.
The cameras are rolling.
404
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,496
Yeah, well, maybe
I decided it isn't healthy
405
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,797
for us to be fighting
all the time.
406
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,200
It sounds to me like
you're just not prepared.
407
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:57,504
From 1974 to 1994,
the city lost 50,000 jobs
in retail employment,
408
00:18:57,604 --> 00:18:59,406
while those
in the suburbs
gained 204,000.
409
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,608
Superstores will create
13,000 jobs and generate
410
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:03,810
more than $100 million
in excess tax revenue.
411
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,278
But that's not the point.
412
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:10,283
I need to know that
our relationship
can survive this.
413
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,051
Honey, we always fight.
414
00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:14,754
Not like this,
not in public, you know?
415
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:16,723
It's not like some
Boggle game at home,
416
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,125
where sometimes I win
and sometimes you win.
417
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:20,393
Mike, you never win.
418
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:23,230
I just want to know
419
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:25,965
that you're not going
to end up a lesbian tennis
player in Rhode Island.
420
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,570
Okay, Mike, I'm trying
to follow you here.
421
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,005
But all I can say is
that I love the way we are.
422
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,242
I love that we don't
back down from each other.
423
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:38,044
And I love being
with someone who
keeps me on my toes.
424
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,613
And I love that you're
not threatened
by a strong woman.
425
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,282
And I love that
you believe that.
426
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,884
So, what's the problem?
427
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,586
I don't know,
maybe there isn't one.
428
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,255
You're telling me
it wouldn't bother you
429
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,624
if I said your
pollution theory was
completely specious?
430
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,293
Ooh, a $5 word!
431
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:56,263
Somebody has been thumbing
through their dictionary!
432
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:59,866
It is going to be so much
sweeter beating you now that
you're going to be trying.
433
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,635
Uh-huh, see?
Therein lies
your problem.
434
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:06,172
Beating me
when I'm trying.
Can't be done.
435
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:07,540
Wait a minute.
The other day,
when we were...
436
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,476
I wasn't trying.
437
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:10,643
What about when
we were skiing...
438
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,345
I felt bad for you
and let you win.
439
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:14,547
When that red light goes on,
440
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,749
I'm going to knock that
smirk right off your face.
441
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:20,853
Do you have any idea
how sexy you are
to me right now?
442
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,023
I want you so bad.
443
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:25,091
And we're back.
444
00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:26,859
Oh! Um...
445
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:30,263
Okay. Are you
folks ready?
446
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,566
See, that's what
I'm talking about.
I'm talking about
447
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:36,769
huge plastic
containers filled
with malted milk balls
448
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,038
for, like, 99 cents.
449
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,273
Ugh!
450
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,742
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe
through my nose.
451
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,144
Oh! My throat
is so sore,
452
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,213
I can barely breathe
through my mouth.
453
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:49,349
(SNIFFLING)
454
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:51,451
I'm sicker than you.
455
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:56,022
Mike, I'm telling you
that my sinuses
456
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:59,426
are so congested,
I feel like my head
is going to explode.
457
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:01,328
You're lucky.
458
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:08,034
If I had (SNORTS)
what you had,
459
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:10,337
I'd be snapping
my fingers with joy.
460
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:14,341
But I have
what I have.
461
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:17,209
So, my joints are
so swollen, I can't.
462
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:21,881
Mike, let's call a truce.
I love you, honey.
463
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:23,750
I love you too.
464
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:25,685
Don't go kissing me.
465
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,921
Why? Because I'm
sicker than you?
466
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,358
(COUGHING)
467
00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:38,398
I win.
468
00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:46,138
James?
469
00:21:46,238 --> 00:21:47,540
Nikki?
470
00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:50,543
James.
471
00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:53,946
Karen?
472
00:22:09,896 --> 00:22:12,432
I am so sick
of straight people.
36578
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