All language subtitles for Jack of All Trades - 02x08 - Seventy Brides For One Brother.Dvdrip Saints.En

Hey, could you do me a favor?
Could you try on one more?

It'll mean so much to my wife

when I surprise her
on our anniversary.

Are you sure
I'm the right size?

Oh, you're definitely
in the ballpark, baby.

Okay. Be right back.

Jack. I've been
looking all over for you.

I thought
you hated shopping.

Oh, well, it's our anniversary, right?

What anniversary?

The six-month anniversary
of our partnership,

and, well, I thought
I'd look around

and find something nice
and surprise you. Yeah.

That's so sweet. Well, perhaps we can
celebrate after the Governor's party

with a game of chess
and a glass of wine.

The Governor's party? Oh, no, I
forgot about that stuffy brouhaha.

Do we have to go? Oh,
you won't want to miss it.

The Governor's guest tonight

is millionaire Sultan Mohammed
Kareem Abdul Ohmar Shariff Ali.

Wait a minute, he's the guy
with the 70 wives. Uh-huh.

Oh, man, I'll bet he gets
great group... discounts.

You think your wife would
like this one, mister?

Thank you so much, Jack, but
I already have a handkerchief.

She'll love it.

(ARABIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, you're so handsome
in your uniform.

Thank you for your kind
invitation, Governor.

This meeting
has been long overdue.

Indeed. And how lovely that all
of your charming wives could come.

CROQUE: Emilia, my dear!

Governor.

Sultan, may I present
Madame Emilia Rothschild

and her attaché,
Monsieur Jacques Stiles.

It's a pleasure.

You remind me
of a sunflower, my dear.

Oh, what a lovely thing
to say.

Say, Ali Baba, understand you got
quite the pad on the island here.

What do you say I come on over
for a barbecue after happy hour?

You supply the buns. I'll
be sure to bring the meat.

My apologies.
The harem is sacred.

Only my wives and my guards
are allowed inside its walls.

May I present
two of my wives,

Petunia and Lilac.

Well, hubby here must have
a pretty good memory

to remember the names
of all of you, huh?

I choose their names myself
when they marry me.

Each one after the flower
they remind me of.

Oh, how clever.

The sooner you erase
their former identities,

the easier it must be
for you to control them.

Charming.

Say, which reminds me, Sulty, how
do you put up with all the nagging?

Why not ask them?

This way, Mr. Stiles.

Governor, I have decided to
allow your troops to re-supply

at any of my islands.

(EMILIA SCREAMING) You'll have
a contractual agreement to sign

by tomorrow morning.

I must write to my brother
at once!

Say, ladies,
what's the rush?

Em?

Let me go at once!

May I present, dear husband,
for your pleasure,

your new wife.

What?

Sunflower.

(GASPS)

(SINGING) In 1801,
the Revolution had been won

And Uncle Sam's favorite son

Had a job he needed done

Which brought Jack to a lady

Both beautiful and smart

Who found his mix intriguing

A scoundrel with a heart!

From the Halls of Montezuma

To the shores of Tripoli

There was never
a leatherneck braver

A daring dragoon is he!

He'll halt the bold advance

Of Napoleon's attack

There ain't a French
or pirate rogue

Who don't know Jack!

From the Halls of Montezuma

To the shores of Tripoli

Sailin' 'round
the bloody world

To defend democracy

And when ya need
a fightin' man

To trust or watch your back

Just ask the bloke
right next to ya

Damn right!

It's Jack!

Everyone,
say hello to Sunflower.

WOMEN: Hello, Sunflower.

I demand to be released!

(WOMEN GASPING)

How cute.

Isn't my new wife adorable?

An excellent choice,
dear husband.

Sunflower, this is Iris.

She will help you get acquainted
with my tastes, so to speak.

Iris, perhaps you could give
Sunflower a tour of her new home.

My name is
Emilia Rothschild.

(WOMEN GASPING)

And you are so cute.

Come on.

Let's get something
straight, right here.

Out there,
he may be the boss,

but in here,
you answer to me.

You got that?

It's quite a show
you put on for him.

You'll be doing it, too.

But don't get too full
of yourself, Sunflower.

You're just
the flavor of the month.

I was the first woman
he ever married.

Do I detect a note of pride
behind that tragic fact?

You're one snobby bitch,
aren't you?

(WOMEN GASPING)

But don't worry,
I can fix it

so you can go home
if you're not happy here.

ALL: Fight, fight!

Fight, fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight!

What a pity that women of such obvious
strength would turn on each other,

when their real problem's
right outside that door!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Now, then,

you can all choose to stay
here in matrimonial slavery,

or you can follow me.

(GROANS)

Where do you think
you're going?

I was just making sure
somebody was standing here to...

To keep me from escaping.

Fellas. Say, brother,
this where the Sultan lives?

Oh, this is just
his vacation home, sir.

Good. Then I've come
to the right place.

Look, he told me to stop
by here for a job interview.

So, here I am.

Did he say
for what position?

Well, after seeing his wives,

I was hoping to go through
a variety of positions.

But, whatever you have open.

We do have an opening available
for the harem security detail.

Let me get this straight. You
get paid to watch 70 women?

Let me think about that.

Okay.

Well, if you come with me, we'll
get you prepared for the main hall.

Okey-doke.

You know, I was just kidding
about what I said before.

The Sultan's got nothing to worry
about with me around his wives.

I'm sure you're right, sir.

Now, perhaps I can offer you a
slug of whiskey to take the edge off

before I take the edge off.

Don't mind if I do.

Nothing like
a full-service barber.

Hey, I'm thinking just a little
off the top, if you don't mind.

I'm afraid I'm going to have
to take off more than that.

What the Sam Hill is that?

The Sultans guards are composed
entirely of eunuchs, sir,

so that they may not be
clouded by temptation.

Surely the Sultan told you.

Ah, well...

Yeah, sure, I knew that.

But you don't have to
worry about me.

See, I got that part
all worked out.

I lost my chromedanglers
during the war.

There I was, oiling my
musket, when all of a sudden...

Well, let's just say
everything went nuts.

Why didn't you say so?
You poor man.

You can start today.

Thanks.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Tell me, how are you
enjoying your stay so far?

Well, let's see.

I find you to be an
atrocious, patronizing swine

who obviously sees women
as nothing more than

silly little playthings placed
on the earth for your amusement.

Cute! Yes, you are.

If you get any more adorable,
I'll explode.

JACK: Care for some more
goat's milk, Sunflower?

You must be
the new eunuch.

Yes. I'm here to fulfill
your every desire, madam.

Have you ever
done this before?

Oh, yeah. Don't worry
about me. I'm on top of you.

It. I'm on top of it.

IRIS: Hmm.

There's something odd
about you.

Oh?

Security check.

(JACK GASPS)

Holy moly.

(GROANS)

(WOMEN GROANING
IN DISAPPOINTMENT)

Care for dessert,
anyone?

That reminds me,
the final order of business.

Gather round!

Congratulations, Sunflower.

Fate has chosen you
for a higher calling.

Tonight, we mate.

JACK: Psst.

Oh, so good
to see you, Jack.

All right, let's not get all
mushy. Now, look, the way I see it,

we can sneak out of here at
midnight when they switch the guards.

I can't leave.

Excuse me?

These women are slaves,
Jack. We need to show them

they're capable of freeing
themselves from the bosom of tyranny.

Look, the only bosom I'm
busting out of here is yours.

Now, come on,
let's get going already.

(GASPING)

Guards! Guards!

No package, no pain.

Well, at least
you still have guts.

All right, baby, let's go!
I can't, Jack.

I'm sorry.
Oh, this ain't over, sister.

What is going on in here?

It pains me to have to
tell you this, dear husband,

but Sunflower here was
discovered plotting her escape

with the new eunuch.

Oh, preposterous!
I'm still here, aren't I?

My cherished
little Sunflower.

I wouldn't want you
thinking I'm a monster.

All will be forgiven after
we test drive my new mattress.

I cannot stop you from
ravishing my body, Sultan,

but you will never
lay claim to my heart.

I've heard enough.

Far be it from me to force a
woman to act against her will.

Execute her at dawn!

(WOMEN GASPING)

Congratulations, Iris.

Within the hour you'll have the
Sultan all to yourself again.

Don't presume to know
anything about me.

You're in love with him,
aren't you?

That's why you won't leave.

I was once,
a long time ago.

As I said, I was the
first he ever married.

Which makes you the best
hope to stand up to him.

You've had his ear
the longest.

I mean, why not claim
the life you deserve?

And what life
would that be?

A life of independence, and the
right to choose your husband.

A pleasant delusion.

But you seem to forget
that disobeying the Sultan

is a crime punishable
by death,

as you will soon discover.

Well, I hope you can live with
my death on your conscience.

I really do.

Good speech, Em.
If I had a bra, I'd burn it.

Jack! How long
have you been there?

Long enough to know if busting you out
of here means busting them out, too,

well, so be it.

I'm sorry I ruined your
carefully crafted escape plan.

Don't sweat it. It was too much to expect
me to pass for a stinking eunuch anyway.

Can we get back
on track, Jack?

All right, all right, look, I happen to
know a certain masked crusader in these parts

who can put a door
in that wall of guards,

but you gotta
lead those women through it.

If I can just get through to Iris,
the rest of the harem will follow.

The palace
is very well guarded.

You'll need a huge distraction
to occupy his guards.

Don't you worry about a thing,
baby. I got just the ticket.

Hey, is trash day
Wednesday or Thursday?

You're so cute.

What a shame
you have to die.

Oh, well.

Don't I get any last words?

Ladies, it was Socrates
who once said,

"It is now time to depart,
for me to die,

"for you to live.

"But which is going
to a better state

"is unknown to everyone
but God."

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Mon Gouverneur, the treaty has
arrived from the Sultan's palace.

Fabulous.

Mark this day
on your calendar, Brogard.

Oui, mon Gouverneur.
A great day in French history.

Once I affix my signature
to this treaty,

the alliance between la France and Sultan
Mohammed Kareem Abdul Ohmar Shariff Ali

will be complete,

and Napoleon's armies will be
strategically placed across the globe.

Papers, please. Thank you
very much. Coming through.

Catch me if you can.

The Dragoon!

After him!

Oui, mon Capitaine!

We didn't land
on the altar of marriage.

The altar of marriage
landed on us.

And so, in closing, I say that if
freedom can only come to me through death,

then death shall it be.

You really are
a tasty little peanut.

I will miss you.

Come on.

BROGARD: After him!

After him!

After him!

(SHRIEKS)

Come on, guys,
pick up the pace.

Come on, you idiots!

(WOMEN GASP)
IRIS: Wait!

How dare you interrupt
my execution, Iris?

Stick it up your keister,
Mohammed. I'm talking here.

This prissy blonde annoys me as
much as she annoys the rest of you.

But I'm not too proud
to admit she has a point.

(ALL MURMURING)

I could have you
executed, Iris.

The name is Sheba.

Not Iris, not Daffodil.

Sheba.

You called me by name once,
remember?

When we first met.

That was the only time I ever
felt like a woman around you,

and not your property.

And if the rest of you don't want
to forget your names for good,

you'll stand with me now.

Listen to her.

Aren't you tired
of being a number?

And aren't you tired
of faking it in the sack?

WOMAN 1: Oh, yeah!
WOMAN 2: Yes.

Guards, gag her!

Yes, Sultan.

Sorry to interrupt,
Your Sultan-ness,

but I think the French
have double-crossed you.

What?
I don't believe this.

Oh? Then how do you explain the
battalion of troops storming your palace?

I thought you might
like that back.

Traitors! Kill them!

Attaboy!

You know, I like your style,
but your execution's all wrong.

Okay, come on, sister.
We've got some women to lib.

Ladies, follow us!
The road to freedom awaits!

JACK: Okay, ladies, right this
way. Come on. Go, go, go, go!

Hurry! Come on, ladies!

Iris, just you and me
together, forever?

Stick it, slick. And for the
last time, the name is Sheba.

(EXCLAIMS)

This way!

(ALL CHEERING)

WOMEN: We're free, we're free!

Anyone needs a place to stay, please
do not hesitate to ask, all right?

There you go.

Is he a friend of yours?

Oh, more often than not.

You hold onto him.
Good men are hard to find.

Thank you for
saving my life, Sheba.

Oh, no.
Thank you for saving mine.

Take care, Sheba.

Wow.

Well, another day
well spent, Jack,

thwarting French imperialism and
standing up for women's rights.

Hear, hear.

Hey, just imagine the kind of
alimony payments the Sultan's in for.

What are you hiding there?

Well, it is the six-month anniversary
of you bossing me around, remember?

Well, I'm glad to see the day's events
have inflamed your feminism, Jack.

That's just the wrapping, Em.
Look inside.

Now, turn it over.

"To my partner,

"the only one
who can get a rise out of me.

"Your favorite eunuch, Jack."

It's beautiful.

It better be.
It cost me two months' salary.

Hey, since you didn't
lose your head today,

what do you say we celebrate,
Rothschild style?

Oh, with a game of chess.

And a bottle of wine.

Now, you just sit tight,
and I'll be back

before you can say "unique
eunuch" ten times real fast.

Unique eunuch,
unique eunuch.