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1
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:10,708
(EXCLAIMING)
2
00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:12,872
Emperor Napoleon!
3
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:15,137
What a pleasant surprise.
4
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:19,882
Of course. A master tactician
never heralds his arrival.
5
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:22,649
So as to keep the less astute off guard.
6
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:26,283
Again, I am humbled
before you, brother.
7
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,327
If I had known
you were coming,
8
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:29,726
I would have...
9
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:32,731
Blabbed the secret to half the
people between here and Paris?
10
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,195
That nag Josephine
mustn't know I'm here.
11
00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:37,600
(SNARLING)
12
00:00:38,738 --> 00:00:41,502
How is the lovely Empress?
13
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,541
Soon to be former Empress.
14
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:47,603
Try as I have
to harvest her loins,
15
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,671
she has still yet to bear me
an heir.
16
00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:51,984
But my dear brother,
17
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:55,749
if, God forbid, something
should happen to you,
18
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:59,155
like an elephant
mistaking you for a peanut,
19
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:02,388
I would be happy to assume
the duties of Emperor.
20
00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:03,520
You?
21
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:13,062
There, there, little brother. Noogie?
22
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:20,874
Enough!
23
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:24,407
The time has come to find me
a fertile young bride.
24
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:28,352
Assemble all the reow-reows
on the island. At once!
25
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:30,915
Legs!
26
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,459
Too hard.
27
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:44,733
Too soft.
28
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:48,965
(MOANING APPRECIATIVELY)
29
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:50,441
Just right.
30
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:54,936
Up!
31
00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:01,478
Open.
32
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,887
No, no, no!
They're all wrong.
33
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:10,396
Governor Croque, there seems to be
some mix-up with my exporting license.
34
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:14,627
With all due respect, whatever's
going on here, I don't approve.
35
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,498
Unless I was invited.
36
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:18,332
(NAPOLEON CLEARS THROAT)
37
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:20,965
(GASPS)
38
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:25,568
Emperor, do you remember
Madame Emilia Rothschild
39
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:28,580
and her attaché,
Monsieur Jack Stiles?
40
00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:31,439
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
41
00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:39,213
Oh!
42
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,257
Congratulations, Emilia.
43
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,695
You have won the honor
of becoming my new bride.
44
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,027
(GASPING)
45
00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:56,440
(SINGING) In 1801,
the Revolution had been won
46
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,636
And Uncle Sam's favorite son
47
00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:00,474
Had a job he needed done
48
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,447
Which brought Jack to a lady
49
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,449
Both beautiful and smart
50
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,451
Who found his mix intriguing
51
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,453
A scoundrel with a heart!
52
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,387
From the Halls of Montezuma
53
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,121
To the shores of Tripoli
54
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,460
There was never
a leatherneck braver
55
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:20,192
A daring dragoon is he!
56
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,131
He'll halt the bold advance
57
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,227
Of Napoleon's attack
58
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,534
There ain't a French
or pirate rogue
59
00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:29,234
Who don't know Jack!
60
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,338
From the Halls of Montezuma
61
00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:34,141
To the shores of Tripoli
62
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,478
Sailin' 'round
the bloody world
63
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:38,107
To defend democracy
64
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,345
And when ya need
a fightin' man
65
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,149
To trust or watch your back
66
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,486
Just ask the bloke
right next to ya
67
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,581
Damn right!
68
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,285
It's Jack!
69
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:53,592
Brother, say hello
to your new sister-in-law.
70
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:55,861
Hello.
71
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:58,833
On second thought,
let me say hello first.
72
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:01,867
Oh la la!
73
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:06,344
I will have fun taming you like
the sexy, savage beast that you are.
74
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:09,176
Will you, now?
And if I refuse?
75
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,717
You are English, madame,
are you not?
76
00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:13,479
And proud of it,
Your Highness.
77
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:15,487
When I return to France,
78
00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:20,049
I will soil the peace treaty between
our two countries like a poopy diaper.
79
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:22,651
My armies will cross
the English Channel
80
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:25,391
and leave nothing in England
but Stonehenge.
81
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:27,056
Or
82
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,331
you could love me.
83
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:38,600
How can I say yes without
the benefit of a first date?
84
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:41,511
Very well.
Dinner tonight.
85
00:04:43,516 --> 00:04:44,540
And for dessert,
86
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:46,842
I shall have you.
87
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,415
Now, don't give me any beak
about this, Jean-Claude.
88
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:52,685
You're going to get her.
89
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:54,317
Besides,
you should be thanking me.
90
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,157
Paris is known
for its hot chicks.
91
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:58,823
Well, barnyard birds
are not my type, Jacques.
92
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:01,298
But I will nonetheless
carry out the mission.
93
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,459
Vive la résistance!
94
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,231
What is your business,
Jack?
95
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,797
Croque, my boy,
I want to gab with you
96
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:12,709
about something
that's kind of important.
97
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,339
What is it
you are proposing?
98
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:16,910
Marriage.
99
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,447
Monsieur Stiles, I hardly...
100
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:21,282
Stopping a marriage.
Between Napoleon and Emilia.
101
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:22,343
(SHUSHING)
102
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:26,352
For such talk I could
have you executed at once!
103
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,291
Well, you could, sure.
104
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:31,421
But, then again,
you'd never become emperor.
105
00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:35,332
It is true,
I want to be emperor.
106
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,198
Is that so terrible?
107
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:41,303
I want a queen and a crown
and a castle.
108
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:42,602
Is that so terrible?
109
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,075
All right, don't get
your girdle in a twist, Guvvy.
110
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:48,545
I think I've found a way to stop this
unholy matrimony before it's too late.
111
00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:49,706
But how?
112
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:52,979
I granted Napoleon his divorce
from Josephine this morning.
113
00:05:53,052 --> 00:05:55,418
Of course, it is only legal
in Palau-Palau.
114
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:57,956
All we have to do is delay
this marriage a little bit,
115
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,549
and I'll handle the rest.
Deal?
116
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:04,595
All right,
my little American monkey,
117
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:06,222
we have a deal.
118
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,763
But tell me, how are we going
to stall Napoleon?
119
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:13,703
No man has ever managed to
dissuade my brother from his course.
120
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,363
No man, eh?
121
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,170
(CHUCKLING)
122
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,786
(FARTING)
123
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,525
(FARTING)
124
00:06:42,802 --> 00:06:44,895
Charming, Your Flatulence.
125
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,373
Now, time for dessert.
126
00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:55,243
(GASPING)
127
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,881
Before we go any further,
promise to behave.
128
00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:06,155
I promise.
129
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:12,895
And now, to the point.
130
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:16,328
You will marry me.
131
00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:22,834
Perhaps a more
romantic proposition.
132
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:24,501
You want romance?
133
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,438
This is England.
134
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,412
Die, England, die,
England! Die, die, die!
135
00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:36,081
Brilliant plan, huh,
my sweet?
136
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,916
Now, what is your choice?
137
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:40,618
Your hand
or your country?
138
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:44,689
(SIGHING)
139
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:47,391
My hand. I accept.
140
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,957
JACK: Emilia!
141
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,295
Oh!
142
00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:56,200
I am so pleased!
143
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:57,942
(JACK CHUCKLING)
144
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:01,276
Oh, my God!
Who is this?
145
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:02,871
I'm your new mother-in-law.
146
00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:06,851
So nice to have you
in the family, son.
147
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,882
(LAUGHING)
148
00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:10,845
Are you clinically insane?
149
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,117
(CLUCKING)
150
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:16,287
Wouldn't want to share our family
secrets with everyone, now, would we?
151
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:20,897
Em, aren't you going
to introduce us?
152
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,500
Napoleon Bonaparte,
meet my mother.
153
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,664
Sacrebleu. Impossible!
154
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:31,767
Oh, you are such a charming
little fellow.
155
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:36,042
I could just put you
on a stick and eat you!
156
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:39,448
Oh, Mummy, thank you
so much for the visit.
157
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,146
Don't forget to take
your medication.
158
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,654
Leave now?
Oh, you must be joking.
159
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:46,118
What kind of mother
would I be
160
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,820
if I were to miss
this blessed event?
161
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:53,924
Besides, I haven't spent enough
time with this charming little man.
162
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,735
Now then, tell me,
do you have a good job?
163
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,029
I'm the Emperor of France.
164
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,632
Oh? Does that pay well?
165
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:06,269
I have priceless treasures,
palaces.
166
00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:08,905
Oh, goody! Then there's
plenty of room for me.
167
00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:10,039
Quoi?
168
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,812
Well, you know the
old saying, don't you?
169
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:17,652
You don't just marry a woman,
you marry her family, too.
170
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:21,454
Actually, it's one palace.
Very, very small.
171
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:23,995
Oh, coziness!
172
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:27,123
Then I shall sleep
between my beautiful daughter
173
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,497
and my beautiful new son.
174
00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:32,832
No peeking
while I'm sleeping.
175
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,533
I would rather peek
into Satan's toilet, madame.
176
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:37,872
(CHUCKLING) Oh, please,
177
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:38,933
call me Jack
178
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:40,803
...queline.
179
00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:49,487
Emilia,
I've been worried sick.
180
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:51,887
It's way past your curfew.
181
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:54,222
Oh, ha-ha. Thank you for
the amusing charade, Jack.
182
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:57,160
But if you wanted to wear my
clothes, all you had to do was ask.
183
00:09:57,229 --> 00:09:59,459
You know, in case you haven't
noticed, I'm trying to help.
184
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,295
Oh, I'm sorry. You call
this helping, do you?
185
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:02,800
Yeah. Nothing scares a man away
186
00:10:02,868 --> 00:10:04,802
like the sight
of his new mother-in-law.
187
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:07,634
How foolish of me to count
on you to respect my decision.
188
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:10,636
Well, you're actually thinking of
going through with this, aren't you?
189
00:10:10,710 --> 00:10:12,200
What better way
to change the world
190
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,473
than to partner with the most
powerful man living in it?
191
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,709
See, you're assuming
you can change him,
192
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:20,843
which is the second most popular myth
afflicting your particular gender.
193
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,751
Oh. And dare I ask
what the first is?
194
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:24,983
Oh, I'll give you the long and
short of it one day, sister.
195
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:27,992
But for right now, I can't let
you marry that little pipsqueak.
196
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:30,051
That costume really has
gone to your head, Jack.
197
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,391
I'll marry
whomever I want,
198
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,329
with or without
your permission.
199
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:37,165
Oh, but Emilia, for the love of
God, think of your wedding night.
200
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:41,536
Napoleon will be like a gopher at a
golf course, in and out of every hole.
201
00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:45,543
That's it. Don't bother attending the
wedding, Jack, because you're not invited.
202
00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:46,942
Fine.
Fine!
203
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:50,676
Yeah, have fun on your honeymoon
playing "Hide the Emperor."
204
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:51,978
(EXCLAIMS IN ANGER)
205
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,249
Brilliant plan, Jack.
206
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,348
You look exquisite.
207
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:01,325
And Napoleon
cannot stand you.
208
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,827
Good. So, he's gonna
call off the wedding?
209
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:04,123
No. As soon as
he says "I do,"
210
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,323
he intends locking you
in the bastille.
211
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,493
Not to worry, though. I will
visit you from time to time.
212
00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:11,502
Yeah, so much for plan A.
213
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,799
Who is responsible
for this outrage?
214
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:18,207
Oh, I picked out everything,
Your Royalness.
215
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:21,246
Oh, don't you look
handsome?
216
00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:22,371
Huh?
217
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:25,277
It's up for a hug.
Here we go.
218
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,477
(GRUNTING)
219
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:27,712
(SNEEZING)
220
00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:29,049
Oh, Nappy, what is it?
221
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:30,452
The flowers.
222
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,117
Roses! Yes, my favorite.
Have a sniff.
223
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:35,456
(COUGHING)
I'm allergic to roses.
224
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,621
Perhaps the music will
take your mind off it.
225
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,791
(ACCORDION PLAYING
HAVA NAGILA)
226
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:43,560
(NAPOLEON GROANING)
227
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,604
You simply must try
the cakes.
228
00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:48,231
They're so light
and fluffy. Eat, eat.
229
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:50,798
(CHOKING)
Oh, you're skin and bones.
230
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,344
Enough!
This is terrible!
231
00:11:53,412 --> 00:11:55,744
I could not agree more,
brother.
232
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:59,608
It is a scandal.
233
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:05,020
Postpone the wedding. All
this must be redone at once.
234
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,116
No! I can't wait.
235
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:10,959
There must be some place on this
godforsaken island where I can get married.
236
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:14,727
I know a nice little chapel, Emperor.
237
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:15,892
Fine.
238
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:19,232
Off with his hands!
239
00:12:19,338 --> 00:12:21,238
Valiant effort, Jack.
240
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,838
But I will visit you
from time to time.
241
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,104
Don't you give up
just yet, Croque.
242
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:29,045
You're forgetting a pre-ball-and-chain
time-honored tradition
243
00:12:29,115 --> 00:12:31,845
known as
the bachelor party.
244
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,450
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
Nap! Nap! Nap! Nap!
245
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,953
Nap! Nap! Nap!
246
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:38,489
Nap! Nap! Nap!
Nap! Nap!
247
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:40,457
(PEOPLE CHEERING
AND WHISTLING)
248
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:45,094
This is all
well and good, Jacques,
249
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,223
but how is it going
to stall the wedding?
250
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:49,358
Don't you worry about
a thing, Croquemeister.
251
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,959
I got a little surprise
for Napoleon
252
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:52,970
that's gonna keep him
busy for weeks.
253
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,801
Profiterole?
No.
254
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,368
All right, all right.
255
00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:01,503
And now, direct
from the Kitty Kat Saloon,
256
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:04,014
I give you Candy
257
00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:06,081
and Bubbles!
258
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:07,642
(MEN CHEERING)
259
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,289
(ALL WHOOPING)
260
00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:23,930
(WHISTLES)
261
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:26,327
Enjoy it
while you can, Leon.
262
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:28,566
Let's just say Emilia's idea
of a good time in bed
263
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,506
is a pajama party
and a pillow fight.
264
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,474
Knock yourself out.
265
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,078
All right.
266
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:39,579
(WHOOPING)
267
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:50,858
Vive la France!
Ooh!
268
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,773
(BURPING)
How're you guys?
269
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,670
(ROOSTER CROWING)
270
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,906
(GRUNTING)
271
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,048
Oh, my head.
272
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:22,721
Gee, Nappy, when it comes to other
men, you really are a bone apart.
273
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:23,887
Yeah.
274
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,724
What do you say?
275
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,767
Want to storm the bastille
walls one more time?
276
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,028
(COOING)
277
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:35,469
Ladies, please!
I'm late for my wedding!
278
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:37,470
(GRUNTS)
279
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,242
(GROANING)
280
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:47,279
(PEOPLE MURMURING)
281
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,457
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
282
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:03,463
The man has the constitution
of a horse. We are finished!
283
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:06,834
You just get back up to
that altar and keep stalling.
284
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:11,805
(PLAYING BRIDAL MARCH)
285
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,572
(PEOPLE GASPING)
286
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,549
(RETCHING)
287
00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:34,729
To some, marriage is like
a morning sunrise
288
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:38,668
which reflects the dawning
of a brand-new day.
289
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:43,165
To others,
it is like a red-hot poker
290
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:46,336
shoved, without remorse,
up the wazoo.
291
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:53,084
Oh, I can't stand it
any longer!
292
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,619
It's all too beautiful!
293
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:58,150
Oh, do carry on.
I just need some air.
294
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:05,795
Where was I?
295
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,068
(PRIEST CLEARING THROAT)
296
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:14,731
What have you
to confess, my... son?
297
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,935
You wanna start
in alphabetical order,
298
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,500
or would you prefer
to go by year?
299
00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:21,307
CROQUE: Dearly beloved,
300
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:25,111
we are gathered here today
to join
301
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:29,484
this man and this woman
in holy matrimony.
302
00:16:29,555 --> 00:16:32,251
Mon Dieu,
I must settle my stomach.
303
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,360
Oh, cut me a little slack,
Padre. I had soap in my eyes.
304
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:43,901
I can't be blamed for stumbling
into the women's locker room.
305
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:47,302
Well, I suppose if you
didn't actually see anything.
306
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,738
No harm done, eh?
307
00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:50,035
Not a thing.
308
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:53,044
I felt my way out of there like
a blind Sherpa in the Himalayas.
309
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:54,670
If we could, my son,
310
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:58,114
let us return to the issue
of your chronic tennis elbow.
311
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,913
Yeah, it's weird, huh?
I don't even play.
312
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:04,081
If there is any person
here present,
313
00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:07,922
who has just cause
why this man and this woman
314
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:10,860
should not be
joined together,
315
00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:15,093
speak now, or forever hold your peace!
316
00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:16,991
That's my cue, Padre.
317
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,401
Thanks for the holy chit-chat.
I'm a new man.
318
00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:26,272
Napoleon, do you take this...
319
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,437
I do!
320
00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:30,475
Emilia,
321
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:32,007
(COUGHING)
322
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:36,248
Do you take this man to be
your lawful wedded conqueror?
323
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:41,255
In pillage and in plunder?
To burn and destroy with?
324
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:45,785
Till death do you part?
325
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,558
I...
326
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:54,665
I...
327
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,834
I'll answer that.
Hell, no, daddy-o.
328
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,140
The Daring Dragoon.
We meet again.
329
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,737
Sorry I'm late, I couldn't
find a place to park.
330
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,180
Valet's out front.
331
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,149
Well, what can I say?
I'm a little short.
332
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:07,617
You soon will be.
333
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,552
Outside.
334
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,021
(EXCLAIMING)
335
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:38,006
My turn.
336
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:43,311
You want an heir so bad,
why not try adoption?
337
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,214
I did, but they turned down
my application.
338
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,156
Really?
The Emperor of France?
339
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:51,094
Yeah. They said I was unbalanced,
so I had them executed.
340
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,059
Yeah, I can see how
that might put them off.
341
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,564
JACK: Where are you?
342
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:04,631
(EXCLAIMS)
343
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:09,541
(CLEARS THROAT)
344
00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:11,148
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
345
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:25,292
Why you!
See how you like it.
346
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,133
(COUGHING)
All right, say uncle!
347
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,133
Aunt.
Uncle!
348
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:37,037
Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!
349
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,445
Napoleon!
350
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,143
Josephine!
351
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,345
If you have any mercy
at all, monsieur,
352
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:51,753
please strike me down.
353
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:54,758
Sorry, Leon. You made your own
bed, now you gotta lie in it.
354
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:57,693
I'll never forget this.
You'll pay someday.
355
00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:00,129
(LAUGHING)
Not as much as you will.
356
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,928
What are you
doing here?
357
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,230
You have chores
back at the palace.
358
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:08,399
Who is going to cut the bunions
from my feet or wax my back?
359
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:10,236
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
360
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,807
And you promised me a new
country for my birthday!
361
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,849
The Dragoon!
The Dragoon!
362
00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:21,342
Emilia, my dear.
363
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:23,149
I want to be alone.
364
00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:31,921
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
365
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:34,158
I'm sorry
I crashed your wedding, Em.
366
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,997
You did what you thought
you had to do, and so did I.
367
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,559
I would have gone
through with it, you know.
368
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:39,661
Yeah, I know.
369
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,729
You are one committed
freedom fighter.
370
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,172
Which is why you're lucky
to have me,
371
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,709
so I can save you
from yourself.
372
00:20:44,776 --> 00:20:46,801
Oh, perhaps
just this once.
373
00:20:46,878 --> 00:20:50,370
It's difficult to know where duty to
country ends and duty to self begins.
374
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:52,076
Yeah? How about right now?
375
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:53,640
(GASPS) Oh!
376
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,778
There's enough champagne
left over to last a month.
377
00:20:55,854 --> 00:20:57,048
(WHOOPS)
378
00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:58,350
A shame
to let it go to waste.
379
00:20:58,423 --> 00:20:59,651
Indeed.
380
00:21:04,162 --> 00:21:06,221
To a lovely bride.
381
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:09,096
And her best man.
Well, a pretty good one.
382
00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:16,501
Pretty good, huh?
383
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:17,769
(BURPS)
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