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1
00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:06,206
[projector clicking]
[soft music]
2
00:00:11,652 --> 00:00:15,055
[dramatic organ music]
3
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:47,848
- So, where did all those
wafers,
4
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:54,254
those pieces of the body of
Jesus Christ our Lord go, hm?
5
00:00:55,576 --> 00:00:59,379
Surely, they didn't eat
themselves, did they?
6
00:01:00,621 --> 00:01:02,382
- I'm sorry, Father.
7
00:01:03,824 --> 00:01:04,865
I was hungry.
8
00:01:09,630 --> 00:01:11,792
- And why were you hungry?
9
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,676
- I had the munchies?
10
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:18,839
I was smoking
11
00:01:21,842 --> 00:01:22,843
reefer.
12
00:01:24,364 --> 00:01:26,246
- The Devil's cabbage!
13
00:01:27,367 --> 00:01:29,169
- I've sinned.
14
00:01:29,249 --> 00:01:30,250
I've sinned!
15
00:01:30,971 --> 00:01:34,294
[dramatic organ music]
16
00:01:34,414 --> 00:01:35,816
- You have sinned!
17
00:01:36,937 --> 00:01:40,460
And now you must pay your
penance.
18
00:01:40,541 --> 00:01:41,542
Come here.
19
00:01:46,747 --> 00:01:47,908
On your knees.
20
00:01:55,836 --> 00:01:56,917
That's right.
21
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,683
Now you will take your
communion.
22
00:02:03,964 --> 00:02:07,487
[Father Gaylord moaning]
23
00:02:09,890 --> 00:02:13,974
[dramatic organ music continues]
24
00:02:16,016 --> 00:02:21,021
[Altar boy gagging]
[Father Gaylord moaning]
25
00:02:24,384 --> 00:02:26,947
The power of Christ compels you.
26
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,872
The power of Christ compels you.
27
00:02:31,992 --> 00:02:34,875
[door knocking]
28
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,036
Off with you.
29
00:02:36,116 --> 00:02:39,039
[triumphant music]
30
00:02:42,723 --> 00:02:45,526
You should be ashamed of
yourself.
31
00:02:45,606 --> 00:02:47,568
Think on your sins, boy.
32
00:02:51,131 --> 00:02:52,132
- Bye!
33
00:02:54,735 --> 00:02:57,137
So, I got your message, Daddy.
34
00:02:58,218 --> 00:03:00,701
What seems to be the problem?
35
00:03:02,543 --> 00:03:06,507
- I asked you not to come
here dressed like that.
36
00:03:06,627 --> 00:03:07,427
- Ach!
37
00:03:07,508 --> 00:03:09,750
You and your closets.
38
00:03:09,870 --> 00:03:13,033
I am here for penance, baby
doll.
39
00:03:13,113 --> 00:03:14,955
I have been a bad boy.
40
00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:18,478
So, so naughty.
41
00:03:23,564 --> 00:03:26,607
So, what's got you so hot and
bothered?
42
00:03:26,687 --> 00:03:29,730
You seemed pretty upset on the
phone.
43
00:03:29,850 --> 00:03:33,934
- Captain, something
terrible has happened.
44
00:03:34,054 --> 00:03:35,936
My, my ring is missing.
45
00:03:38,539 --> 00:03:39,740
- Stop the presses.
46
00:03:39,860 --> 00:03:41,662
What did the police say?
47
00:03:41,742 --> 00:03:44,024
- Captain, this is bad!
48
00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:46,747
I came by this ring in
way that if some members
49
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:50,751
of the church found out,
I'd be excommunicated!
50
00:03:52,513 --> 00:03:53,514
- Nah.
51
00:03:53,554 --> 00:03:55,836
- Captain.
- Mm-hmm?
52
00:03:55,916 --> 00:04:00,120
- I got tangled up with
a being named Queen Bitch
53
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,604
many years ago, a creature from
Oberon.
54
00:04:04,284 --> 00:04:06,927
[dreamy music]
55
00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:10,971
Someone might see.
56
00:04:11,892 --> 00:04:13,213
- So what?
57
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:14,334
- I...
58
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,501
Maybe we can go away somewhere?
59
00:04:22,382 --> 00:04:25,185
- I love a beach holiday.
60
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,869
- I thought somewhere a bit
more, private.
61
00:04:34,114 --> 00:04:36,276
- Baby, I love you.
62
00:04:36,356 --> 00:04:37,357
I really do.
63
00:04:38,599 --> 00:04:41,762
And I'm tired of doing it in
the dark.
64
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,858
I want you to come with me.
65
00:04:57,978 --> 00:05:00,741
There's someone you need to
meet.
66
00:05:01,942 --> 00:05:05,105
[muffled dance music]
67
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,153
Relax.
68
00:05:13,233 --> 00:05:15,195
We're just here for tea.
69
00:05:16,356 --> 00:05:18,959
[dance music]
70
00:05:29,810 --> 00:05:30,811
- Hello!
71
00:05:31,892 --> 00:05:35,736
Such formality, please
stop with this show.
72
00:05:35,816 --> 00:05:37,017
Who is your friend?
73
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:39,700
Is this the one you've told me
about?
74
00:05:39,780 --> 00:05:41,902
Sir Gaylord, I presume?
75
00:05:41,982 --> 00:05:44,785
- Oh, yes, this is indeed
the one I have spoken of.
76
00:05:44,865 --> 00:05:45,986
- Welcome.
77
00:05:46,106 --> 00:05:47,708
I've been waiting for you.
78
00:05:47,828 --> 00:05:49,429
They know me as The Dick Reader.
79
00:05:49,510 --> 00:05:51,271
But you can call me Carol.
80
00:05:51,391 --> 00:05:53,033
- Nice to meet you, Carol.
81
00:05:53,113 --> 00:05:54,114
I am Andy.
82
00:05:58,238 --> 00:06:00,761
[soft music]
83
00:06:11,932 --> 00:06:15,936
- Andy, I understand that you
are at a crossroads right now.
84
00:06:16,016 --> 00:06:18,058
The intersection of desire and
shame.
85
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,940
Is that correct?
86
00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:22,262
- I don't know if I'd put it
that way.
87
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,265
I'd just like things to be
private?
88
00:06:27,467 --> 00:06:28,509
[Queen chuckling]
89
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:29,590
- Queen!
90
00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,602
Dear, how much does he know?
91
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:46,607
I see.
92
00:06:48,168 --> 00:06:51,371
Andy, what if I told you that
there
93
00:06:51,451 --> 00:06:55,295
was a whole society of
people just like you?
94
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:57,538
- Catholics?
- Homosexuals.
95
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,821
- Oh, but I'm not!
96
00:07:02,543 --> 00:07:03,544
- Hmm?
97
00:07:06,146 --> 00:07:07,147
- Am I?
98
00:07:08,188 --> 00:07:10,030
I don't think I'm-
99
00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:12,953
- Men who love in other
ways than having a wife?
100
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,516
- My faith is-
- It's about love.
101
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,638
And love is love.
102
00:07:17,718 --> 00:07:22,002
And this person right here,
this person loves you.
103
00:07:23,403 --> 00:07:26,366
And you love them, don't you?
104
00:07:26,486 --> 00:07:27,487
- I...
105
00:07:28,408 --> 00:07:30,290
That's not the point!
106
00:07:30,370 --> 00:07:31,371
- It's not?
107
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:33,253
- I can't!
108
00:07:34,014 --> 00:07:35,976
I can't be like you.
109
00:07:36,096 --> 00:07:38,579
I'm about to become a priest.
110
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,180
I do love you.
111
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:42,983
But I can't, the way you love
me.
112
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,344
- Why?
113
00:07:44,424 --> 00:07:45,425
What would happen?
114
00:07:45,546 --> 00:07:48,669
- Darling, maybe he's not ready.
115
00:07:48,789 --> 00:07:51,071
- But I am ready, damn it!
116
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,362
[both sighing]
117
00:08:04,364 --> 00:08:06,246
Tell him about Oberon.
118
00:08:08,609 --> 00:08:10,050
- What's Oberon?
119
00:08:14,054 --> 00:08:17,698
[Dick Reader sighing]
120
00:08:17,818 --> 00:08:18,819
- Very well.
121
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:26,306
[voices sighing]
[soft music]
122
00:08:31,632 --> 00:08:35,796
Many years ago, Queen Bitch
and I lived on Oberon,
123
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,561
the second largest moon of
Uranus.
124
00:08:41,642 --> 00:08:44,565
Life on Oberon was peaceful.
125
00:08:44,645 --> 00:08:48,488
[soft music continues]
126
00:08:48,609 --> 00:08:51,451
Love was indiscriminate of
gender.
127
00:08:54,254 --> 00:08:57,217
Reproduction worked the
same way as it does here
128
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,059
on Planet Earth.
129
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,421
When a person wanted to get
pregnant,
130
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,424
they would find a sperm donor.
131
00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,827
Children were raised in
communities,
132
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,710
without the nuclear family
structure
133
00:09:09,830 --> 00:09:11,792
that is so popular here.
134
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:15,155
Queen Bitch and I were part
135
00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:18,358
of what you might call a royal
family.
136
00:09:22,523 --> 00:09:25,606
We had no hunger, no war, no
poverty.
137
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,170
All of us, we had enough.
138
00:09:36,537 --> 00:09:39,339
[dramatic music]
139
00:09:40,941 --> 00:09:42,182
A virus came.
140
00:09:47,948 --> 00:09:50,831
There were escape pods, of
course.
141
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,959
They dispersed us throughout
the galaxy.
142
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:06,727
But there is no way of
knowing where they landed,
143
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:10,851
if they made it to their
destinations,
144
00:10:11,892 --> 00:10:13,774
if they have survived.
145
00:10:16,336 --> 00:10:17,337
[wind whooshing]
146
00:10:17,377 --> 00:10:18,899
So now, here we are.
147
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:23,343
Unable to return home, trapped
on a planet
148
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,627
whose societal mores are
foreign to us.
149
00:10:28,789 --> 00:10:30,310
But I hold a key.
150
00:10:32,993 --> 00:10:35,275
A piece of Oberon's core.
151
00:10:35,395 --> 00:10:37,998
Oberon's history and way of
life.
152
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,842
And some day, when the planets
are aligned
153
00:10:41,922 --> 00:10:44,885
on the sky just so, Queen Bitch
154
00:10:44,965 --> 00:10:47,447
will release the power of the
stone
155
00:10:47,528 --> 00:10:51,732
and this Earth will become
the Utopia we once knew.
156
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,378
- But God, the church, families.
157
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,021
You can't just change everything
158
00:11:01,141 --> 00:11:03,904
like that without warning
people.
159
00:11:05,145 --> 00:11:06,306
That's not right.
160
00:11:06,426 --> 00:11:08,829
- There'll be casualties, of
course.
161
00:11:08,909 --> 00:11:11,391
[soft music]
162
00:11:14,114 --> 00:11:17,117
[sighing]
My sweet.
163
00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,885
It's for the greater good.
164
00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:28,809
It's for us.
165
00:11:30,931 --> 00:11:31,932
- I'm sorry.
166
00:11:32,813 --> 00:11:33,814
I can't.
167
00:11:35,255 --> 00:11:36,617
It's not right.
168
00:11:38,258 --> 00:11:39,940
It's also not wrong.
169
00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,623
I'm just too overwhelmed.
170
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,384
- Andy, wait!
171
00:11:44,505 --> 00:11:46,947
[dreamy music]
172
00:11:49,229 --> 00:11:53,794
- Queen Bitch is dangerously,
venomously and powerfully,
173
00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:02,002
[sighing]
dripping with sexual energy.
174
00:12:02,082 --> 00:12:06,206
She was going to destroy
life as we know it.
175
00:12:06,286 --> 00:12:10,490
I stole her ring, and
since then, she's after me.
176
00:12:12,813 --> 00:12:14,735
- Thou shalt not steal?
177
00:12:16,096 --> 00:12:18,579
- Guidelines and suggestions!
178
00:12:19,540 --> 00:12:22,783
This ring, this ring is special.
179
00:12:22,903 --> 00:12:26,146
In three days, Venus, Uranus
and Neptune
180
00:12:27,708 --> 00:12:30,631
will all align in the sky.
181
00:12:30,711 --> 00:12:34,074
If she masturbates and comes on
the ring
182
00:12:34,194 --> 00:12:36,917
at the exact moment of the
alignment,
183
00:12:37,037 --> 00:12:40,200
the Anus of Hell will open and
the demons
184
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,242
of the underworld will be
released
185
00:12:42,322 --> 00:12:45,165
and sodomize all virgins of
Earth!
186
00:12:47,007 --> 00:12:49,850
Turning everyone into
homosexuals!
187
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,574
[dramatic music]
188
00:12:53,694 --> 00:12:54,935
- Yeah.
189
00:12:55,015 --> 00:12:56,617
- [Father Gaylord] Put it in a
way,
190
00:12:56,697 --> 00:12:59,219
it's the End of Days we're
talking about!
191
00:12:59,299 --> 00:13:00,861
- Sounds delicious.
192
00:13:02,222 --> 00:13:05,345
- I admit, the idea is
appealing, but as a man of God,
193
00:13:05,465 --> 00:13:08,909
I have to fight temptation as
best I can.
194
00:13:16,236 --> 00:13:17,237
- Honey,
195
00:13:18,158 --> 00:13:23,003
in case you haven't noticed,
I try to surround myself
196
00:13:23,123 --> 00:13:25,806
with as many queens as possible.
197
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,770
So if you think I'm going to
help you
198
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:33,093
with your fucked up homophobic
agenda...
199
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,740
And yet, I feel I must.
200
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,743
[dreamy music]
201
00:13:42,823 --> 00:13:45,866
[upbeat dance music]
202
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:19,379
[upbeat dance music continues]
203
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,962
[all laughing]
204
00:15:01,141 --> 00:15:03,303
I was awake since Friday
already.
205
00:15:03,423 --> 00:15:05,425
I really need to go home.
206
00:15:17,237 --> 00:15:18,599
- He's so hot.
207
00:15:18,719 --> 00:15:19,720
So hot.
208
00:15:27,367 --> 00:15:30,571
[dramatic cello music]
209
00:15:57,518 --> 00:16:01,241
[inaudible]
210
00:16:13,614 --> 00:16:18,218
[Captain Faggotron breathing
heavily]
211
00:16:22,222 --> 00:16:25,385
[dramatic music continues]
212
00:16:25,465 --> 00:16:28,148
[siren wailing]
213
00:16:31,311 --> 00:16:35,756
[Captain Faggotron breathing
heavily]
214
00:16:39,319 --> 00:16:42,002
[Captain Faggotron sobbing]
215
00:16:42,122 --> 00:16:43,203
- Who's there?
216
00:16:44,565 --> 00:16:45,726
It's okay.
217
00:16:45,806 --> 00:16:46,807
It's okay.
218
00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:48,609
It's okay.
219
00:16:48,729 --> 00:16:49,730
- I'm sorry.
220
00:16:50,651 --> 00:16:53,734
I'm sorry, Father, they were
chasing me.
221
00:16:53,854 --> 00:16:56,056
- There, there, my child.
222
00:16:58,458 --> 00:17:00,701
You are in a safe place now.
223
00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:10,390
[dramatic music]
224
00:17:22,282 --> 00:17:26,647
- You're not supposed
to like people like me.
225
00:17:26,727 --> 00:17:28,488
The church...
226
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,532
- God has love for all
creatures.
227
00:17:31,652 --> 00:17:33,854
And I do like people like you.
228
00:17:33,934 --> 00:17:34,935
Very much.
229
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,862
Come, let's have some tea.
230
00:17:41,982 --> 00:17:44,825
The sun will be up in a few
hours.
231
00:17:51,632 --> 00:17:54,474
- So, where did you lose the
ring?
232
00:17:55,796 --> 00:17:58,158
Did you retrace your steps?
233
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,323
- I was doing some church
outreach
234
00:18:04,925 --> 00:18:07,207
at Crisco Cuties last night.
235
00:18:07,327 --> 00:18:09,530
I went into the darkroom.
236
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:11,411
I took it off.
237
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,654
But then I saw this Adonis.
238
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:18,378
I thought I put it back on.
239
00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:19,860
But I was so high.
240
00:18:21,381 --> 00:18:23,423
The details evade me.
241
00:18:23,504 --> 00:18:24,705
- Hmm.
242
00:18:24,785 --> 00:18:26,306
- And then she came in.
243
00:18:26,426 --> 00:18:27,628
And I ran away.
244
00:18:28,709 --> 00:18:30,511
- She?
- Queen Bitch.
245
00:18:31,952 --> 00:18:34,955
She, she, the agony never goes
away.
246
00:18:38,759 --> 00:18:40,681
She was with someone else.
247
00:18:40,801 --> 00:18:45,766
Seeing her just rips my
heart in two. [sobbing]
248
00:18:48,008 --> 00:18:49,369
- There, there.
249
00:18:50,611 --> 00:18:53,413
I'll get your ring back, Daddy.
250
00:18:53,493 --> 00:18:55,375
- But you must be careful.
251
00:18:55,495 --> 00:18:57,898
Queen Bitch is very dangerous.
252
00:18:57,978 --> 00:19:00,621
The planets are on her side
253
00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:04,585
and she has a very powerful
female counterpart.
254
00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:10,270
[dramatic music]
255
00:19:12,392 --> 00:19:15,435
[dance music]
256
00:19:15,516 --> 00:19:22,883
[Queen Bitch laughing]
257
00:19:25,846 --> 00:19:30,450
- Soon the world will be
flooded with...
258
00:19:31,972 --> 00:19:33,614
Homosexuals.
259
00:19:33,654 --> 00:19:35,374
[dramatic music]
260
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:38,899
In only three days, the
demons will be released,
261
00:19:39,019 --> 00:19:44,463
to sodomize the virgins,
and all the world
262
00:19:44,464 --> 00:19:47,067
will be flooded with fresh meat!
263
00:19:52,432 --> 00:19:55,035
I swear to you, I'll make it so.
264
00:19:55,115 --> 00:19:58,559
[Maurice whimpering]
265
00:19:58,679 --> 00:19:59,680
Be careful!
266
00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:03,203
- I'm sorry, Queen Bitch.
267
00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:06,486
I'm sorry.
[sobbing]
268
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:09,009
Sorry.
269
00:20:09,089 --> 00:20:10,090
I'm sorry.
270
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:12,613
Sorry.
271
00:20:12,693 --> 00:20:13,734
- Well?
272
00:20:13,854 --> 00:20:14,855
What is it?
273
00:20:16,777 --> 00:20:21,221
- It's just, it's just that,
with all this fresh meat,
274
00:20:23,303 --> 00:20:28,468
you're probably going to
want a new table. [sobbing]
275
00:20:43,644 --> 00:20:44,685
- My sweetie.
276
00:20:45,926 --> 00:20:47,167
Come here.
277
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,689
Come here, sweetie.
278
00:20:48,809 --> 00:20:51,932
Just here, come here, yeah,
it's okay.
279
00:20:58,939 --> 00:21:01,542
- With all the new fresh meat,
280
00:21:03,744 --> 00:21:08,028
you'll be able to have
your own furniture, hmm?
281
00:21:08,148 --> 00:21:09,149
Hmm?
282
00:21:10,671 --> 00:21:11,672
Boop!
283
00:21:14,114 --> 00:21:17,117
Now, my sweet darling, we must
plan.
284
00:21:21,682 --> 00:21:26,126
In order to be the most
effective in opening the Anus
285
00:21:26,206 --> 00:21:30,931
of Hell, we must get as close
to the source as possible.
286
00:21:31,011 --> 00:21:33,854
And that means infiltrating
the Saint Sebastian Church
287
00:21:33,974 --> 00:21:38,579
of the Sacred Ass, and being
at the pulpit at midnight.
288
00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:41,862
- Dear Queen, my love.
289
00:21:43,864 --> 00:21:44,865
My light.
290
00:21:50,430 --> 00:21:53,594
Do not be careless with the
planning.
291
00:21:53,714 --> 00:21:57,998
And whatever you do, do
not let the Ring of Oberon
292
00:21:58,078 --> 00:22:00,120
fall into the wrong hands.
293
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,361
- Of course not.
294
00:22:02,482 --> 00:22:06,246
Father Gaylord will never
again possess this jewel.
295
00:22:06,366 --> 00:22:08,328
The error has been rectified.
296
00:22:08,448 --> 00:22:11,371
- You know that is not what I
mean.
297
00:22:11,491 --> 00:22:14,094
- Oh, Lordess, Queen Bitch
would never-
298
00:22:14,214 --> 00:22:15,215
- Silence!
299
00:22:16,136 --> 00:22:18,699
You speak when you are spoken
to, knave!
300
00:22:21,461 --> 00:22:26,426
The power of the ring is far
too great for any Earthling,
301
00:22:26,547 --> 00:22:31,311
even for the one who is
working with Father Gaylord,
302
00:22:31,431 --> 00:22:36,396
although he's really quite
something. [chuckling]
303
00:22:38,919 --> 00:22:41,441
Queen you know it must
be a being from a moon
304
00:22:41,522 --> 00:22:45,325
of Uranus that activates the
ring's magic.
305
00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:47,367
Otherwise, it is lethal.
306
00:22:49,289 --> 00:22:50,370
- Yes, my Lordess.
307
00:22:50,490 --> 00:22:55,215
It is my duty to activate
the ring, and my joy to live
308
00:22:56,897 --> 00:22:58,819
on a homosexual planet.
309
00:23:01,381 --> 00:23:06,386
[dramatic music]
[both laughing]
310
00:23:10,951 --> 00:23:11,952
Fresh meat!
311
00:23:13,874 --> 00:23:16,557
[Maurice sobbing]
312
00:23:38,098 --> 00:23:39,099
Girl.
313
00:23:41,301 --> 00:23:42,302
Girl.
314
00:23:45,065 --> 00:23:48,388
You have to stop with the
jealousy thing.
315
00:23:51,071 --> 00:23:52,352
You're my table.
316
00:23:54,194 --> 00:23:56,436
No one can replace my table.
317
00:24:07,928 --> 00:24:11,011
[upbeat dance music]
318
00:24:30,230 --> 00:24:34,474
[choir singing in foreign
language]
319
00:25:27,848 --> 00:25:31,371
[Father Gaylord humming]
320
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,203
- Can I help you with something?
321
00:26:03,323 --> 00:26:04,324
- Oh.
322
00:26:05,205 --> 00:26:08,609
Well, yes, I feel the
need to confess, Father.
323
00:26:08,729 --> 00:26:13,373
- Don't you usually go to the
police to do that sort of...
324
00:26:13,453 --> 00:26:14,454
- Huh?
325
00:26:16,657 --> 00:26:18,138
- Yes, sure.
326
00:26:18,218 --> 00:26:20,821
I will be there in just a
moment.
327
00:26:24,224 --> 00:26:27,387
- Bless me, Father, for I have
sinned.
328
00:26:28,949 --> 00:26:32,833
It has been five years
since my last confession.
329
00:26:32,913 --> 00:26:35,916
So much has gone wrong in that
time.
330
00:26:37,237 --> 00:26:39,359
I, I'm looking for my son.
331
00:26:42,563 --> 00:26:45,686
Five years ago, there was an
accident.
332
00:26:46,687 --> 00:26:49,249
The hospital said he had died.
333
00:26:50,891 --> 00:26:53,734
They wouldn't let us see the
body.
334
00:26:53,854 --> 00:26:58,819
The coroner said it was
too mangled. [sobbing]
335
00:27:13,073 --> 00:27:16,236
I was watching the news a month
ago.
336
00:27:17,518 --> 00:27:22,002
And they had a story about
one of those faggot parades.
337
00:27:23,564 --> 00:27:26,967
With the flags and all these
sissy boys
338
00:27:27,087 --> 00:27:29,890
marching down the street,
too stupid and godless
339
00:27:30,010 --> 00:27:32,412
to be ashamed of themselves!
340
00:27:34,775 --> 00:27:36,456
And my son, my boy,
341
00:27:40,741 --> 00:27:42,863
I saw my boy in the front!
342
00:27:45,145 --> 00:27:47,427
Twirling a baton!
343
00:27:47,508 --> 00:27:50,671
Like a girl! [sobbing]
344
00:27:57,518 --> 00:27:59,479
How could this happen?
345
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,043
What did I do wrong to
raise such a faggot?
346
00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:09,730
How can he be a homosexual?
[sobbing]
347
00:28:17,778 --> 00:28:18,979
- There, there.
348
00:28:20,100 --> 00:28:22,983
The Lord works in mysterious
ways.
349
00:28:24,905 --> 00:28:27,508
- I don't want my son to burn
in Hell
350
00:28:27,588 --> 00:28:30,070
for having a depraved life.
351
00:28:30,150 --> 00:28:32,873
I need to bring him back to God.
352
00:28:34,474 --> 00:28:39,119
He was always such a good boy!
[sobbing]
353
00:28:42,202 --> 00:28:44,925
It just does not make any sense.
354
00:28:46,006 --> 00:28:50,050
He was the advertising
executive behind Gay Away!
355
00:28:51,612 --> 00:28:53,453
- Gay Away, you say?
356
00:28:53,534 --> 00:28:56,577
- It's a powder to put in
communion wine.
357
00:28:56,697 --> 00:28:58,539
It cures homosexuality.
358
00:29:00,020 --> 00:29:03,023
It's very popular in Russia.
359
00:29:03,143 --> 00:29:05,305
[dramatic music]
360
00:29:05,345 --> 00:29:07,948
- Um, um...
361
00:29:08,869 --> 00:29:11,191
Maybe I can help?
362
00:29:12,272 --> 00:29:13,633
Yes.
363
00:29:13,634 --> 00:29:14,635
I can help.
364
00:29:16,757 --> 00:29:20,881
Your son will suddenly see
the illness of his ways
365
00:29:21,882 --> 00:29:24,885
and come here seeking for
salvation.
366
00:29:26,006 --> 00:29:30,611
If that's for communion wine,
I've got plenty of that.
367
00:29:32,252 --> 00:29:33,934
Gay Away is no sin.
368
00:29:37,417 --> 00:29:40,140
Would you just pass me a few?
369
00:29:40,220 --> 00:29:41,862
- Of course, Father.
370
00:30:09,850 --> 00:30:13,133
[upbeat music, no dialogue]
371
00:30:13,814 --> 00:30:17,658
- [Father Gaylord] Dear Captain
Faggotron,
372
00:30:18,779 --> 00:30:19,780
I will meet Queen Bitch
373
00:30:20,621 --> 00:30:23,023
in the cruising zone tomorrow
afternoon.
374
00:30:24,745 --> 00:30:28,268
I must convince her to give me
the ring.
375
00:30:32,032 --> 00:30:35,355
My feelings for her are still
so strong.
376
00:30:41,281 --> 00:30:42,282
I am afraid.
377
00:30:46,807 --> 00:30:48,448
It is what God wants.
378
00:30:54,094 --> 00:30:56,336
Your friend, Father Gaylord.
379
00:30:57,778 --> 00:31:01,101
[upbeat music continues]
380
00:31:13,313 --> 00:31:15,876
[soft music]
381
00:31:23,884 --> 00:31:26,446
[both growling]
382
00:32:01,562 --> 00:32:04,925
[soft music continues]
383
00:32:26,386 --> 00:32:27,387
- Well,
384
00:32:28,709 --> 00:32:31,311
imagine running into you here.
385
00:32:33,634 --> 00:32:37,638
I guess clergy school
fixed you up real good.
386
00:32:37,718 --> 00:32:39,920
Looks like you're cured.
387
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,401
- Leave me be!
388
00:32:41,481 --> 00:32:44,284
- [laughing] No.
389
00:32:47,047 --> 00:32:49,570
[ominous music]
390
00:32:54,414 --> 00:32:55,976
[ominous music]
391
00:32:56,096 --> 00:32:57,097
- Demon!
392
00:32:58,018 --> 00:32:59,019
Devil!
393
00:33:02,022 --> 00:33:03,744
- Run and run and run.
394
00:33:09,830 --> 00:33:12,993
You can't escape who you are,
lover.
395
00:33:16,036 --> 00:33:20,200
[animals chittering and
growling]
396
00:33:29,249 --> 00:33:31,451
- I need to talk to you.
397
00:33:31,572 --> 00:33:32,573
- Yeah?
398
00:33:33,293 --> 00:33:34,094
- No.
399
00:33:34,214 --> 00:33:35,215
Stand back!
400
00:33:39,259 --> 00:33:40,380
The, the ring.
401
00:33:41,301 --> 00:33:42,302
- Hmm?
402
00:33:43,183 --> 00:33:45,465
- It's not the way.
403
00:33:45,546 --> 00:33:47,107
- Hmm.
404
00:33:47,187 --> 00:33:49,309
- What if we can be saved?
405
00:33:50,711 --> 00:33:52,793
What if we can be normal?
406
00:33:53,794 --> 00:33:55,636
Don't you want a chance?
407
00:33:55,756 --> 00:33:58,318
- [laughing] At what?
408
00:33:58,438 --> 00:34:01,041
A wife and a mortgage and what?
409
00:34:02,442 --> 00:34:07,487
Why be normal, when you can
be extraordinarily fabulous?
410
00:34:07,568 --> 00:34:10,370
[chimes ringing]
411
00:34:12,172 --> 00:34:13,333
Just come out.
412
00:34:16,537 --> 00:34:18,298
"What would Jesus do?
413
00:34:18,378 --> 00:34:20,180
What would Jesus say?"
414
00:34:23,504 --> 00:34:24,505
Baby,
415
00:34:29,590 --> 00:34:31,672
we were so good together.
416
00:34:36,877 --> 00:34:40,320
- What if, oh, Christ, have
mercy on me,
417
00:34:41,762 --> 00:34:44,685
what if I were to be with you?
418
00:34:44,765 --> 00:34:45,766
Out?
419
00:34:46,727 --> 00:34:47,768
Out with you?
420
00:34:48,969 --> 00:34:50,330
What if, then?
421
00:34:51,251 --> 00:34:53,894
Then, would you give me the
ring?
422
00:34:55,255 --> 00:34:59,459
Then, would you leave the
rest of the world alone?
423
00:35:09,630 --> 00:35:11,992
[soft music]
424
00:35:15,556 --> 00:35:16,957
- I'd consider it.
425
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:22,923
[soft music continues]
426
00:35:31,051 --> 00:35:34,454
[soft music continues]
427
00:36:05,165 --> 00:36:08,809
[triangle ringing]
428
00:36:08,929 --> 00:36:12,372
[Father Gaylord humming]
429
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,160
- What should I do?
430
00:36:41,121 --> 00:36:43,524
Should I take the Gay Away?
431
00:36:51,852 --> 00:36:53,413
- [Jesus] Can you help me out?
432
00:36:53,493 --> 00:36:55,736
[dramatic music]
433
00:36:55,856 --> 00:36:57,057
- Jesus Christ!
434
00:36:58,739 --> 00:36:59,980
Yes, of course!
435
00:37:03,023 --> 00:37:04,585
[soft music]
436
00:37:04,705 --> 00:37:06,106
- [Jesus] Up here.
437
00:37:08,068 --> 00:37:09,069
- Yes, sure.
438
00:37:10,751 --> 00:37:11,752
- Ah!
439
00:37:13,674 --> 00:37:14,675
Oh.
440
00:37:17,678 --> 00:37:19,479
That does get tiring.
441
00:37:22,082 --> 00:37:23,604
Do you mind?
442
00:37:23,684 --> 00:37:25,005
- Please.
443
00:37:25,085 --> 00:37:27,007
Would you like a fresh one?
444
00:37:27,087 --> 00:37:28,488
- Whatever, man.
445
00:37:39,820 --> 00:37:41,221
- Should I-
- Dude!
446
00:37:42,863 --> 00:37:44,705
You have got to relax.
447
00:37:45,626 --> 00:37:48,629
Just, Just chill for a second.
448
00:37:48,749 --> 00:37:51,231
We have to talk about this ring
business.
449
00:37:51,311 --> 00:37:52,713
And the Gay Away?
450
00:37:52,833 --> 00:37:55,275
I forbid you to take that crap!
451
00:37:56,717 --> 00:37:59,920
- I just want to assure you
that I, as your humble servant,
452
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,683
will do all in my power
to prevent Queen Bi-
453
00:38:02,763 --> 00:38:04,685
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hang
on.
454
00:38:04,765 --> 00:38:07,167
- What?
- You're gay.
455
00:38:07,287 --> 00:38:08,288
It's fine.
456
00:38:09,369 --> 00:38:10,370
I swear.
457
00:38:12,653 --> 00:38:14,054
I swear on my Dad!
458
00:38:15,415 --> 00:38:18,579
Let the planet turn gay, who
cares?
459
00:38:18,659 --> 00:38:20,380
- But, but, the Bible?
460
00:38:20,460 --> 00:38:23,664
- Those fucking guys, my
biographers?
461
00:38:25,946 --> 00:38:27,908
They didn't love me.
462
00:38:27,988 --> 00:38:30,110
They didn't understand me.
463
00:38:31,672 --> 00:38:33,594
The part about stoning,
464
00:38:36,476 --> 00:38:38,198
this is the stoning.
465
00:38:42,282 --> 00:38:43,363
Listen, Father.
466
00:38:44,484 --> 00:38:47,047
You really need to stop
trying to dictate your desire.
467
00:38:47,127 --> 00:38:48,649
It's unappealing.
468
00:38:49,369 --> 00:38:50,691
Just love men.
469
00:38:53,093 --> 00:38:54,174
Nobody cares.
470
00:38:55,976 --> 00:38:57,898
Well, maybe not nobody.
471
00:38:58,779 --> 00:39:00,100
But I don't.
472
00:39:00,180 --> 00:39:03,143
And I'm the one that matters,
right?
473
00:39:11,231 --> 00:39:12,753
And the Gay Away?
474
00:39:14,474 --> 00:39:16,476
I forbid you to take it!
475
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:22,042
[bell tolling]
476
00:39:22,122 --> 00:39:25,766
[dramatic organ music]
477
00:39:25,886 --> 00:39:28,128
- Why is Jesus rejecting me?
478
00:39:31,131 --> 00:39:35,295
I don't want to be gay.
[sobbing]
479
00:39:52,913 --> 00:39:57,317
♪ No fats, no fems, no Blacks,
no long chats, no blah-blah ♪
480
00:39:57,437 --> 00:40:00,360
♪ No Asians, no Latinos,
no mixed, no whites ♪
481
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:05,285
♪ No Tories, no fake, no
chat, no gay voices please ♪
482
00:40:05,405 --> 00:40:08,208
♪ No plan, no bullshit,
no strings, no sex dates ♪
483
00:40:08,328 --> 00:40:10,330
♪ No you're not the fucking
exception ♪
484
00:40:10,410 --> 00:40:15,295
♪ No drugs, no chems, no tea,
no crap, no face no response ♪
485
00:40:15,415 --> 00:40:18,498
♪ No kinks, no levels,
no fisting, no tops ♪
486
00:40:18,619 --> 00:40:21,021
♪ No one old enough to be my
Dad ♪
487
00:40:21,101 --> 00:40:22,903
♪ No pics, no answer ♪
488
00:40:22,983 --> 00:40:25,065
♪ No answer, no interest ♪
489
00:40:25,145 --> 00:40:29,029
♪ No time-wasters, no HIV, no
endless back-and-forth, no TB ♪
490
00:40:29,149 --> 00:40:30,511
♪ No group, no beards ♪
491
00:40:30,591 --> 00:40:33,594
♪ No smokers, no face pic, no
chance ♪
492
00:40:33,714 --> 00:40:37,437
♪ No sunglasses, no burn
tattoos, no couples, no females
♪
493
00:40:37,558 --> 00:40:41,562
♪ No girls, no drama, no
hang-ups, no face no chat ♪
494
00:40:41,642 --> 00:40:44,044
♪ No border, no nation ♪
495
00:40:44,164 --> 00:40:46,326
♪ No messages without pictures ♪
496
00:40:46,446 --> 00:40:50,891
♪ No older, no one over 23, no
one over 25, no one over 27, ♪
497
00:40:50,971 --> 00:40:54,294
♪ No one over 28, no one
over 29, no one over 30, ♪
498
00:40:54,374 --> 00:40:55,976
♪ No one under 30 ♪
499
00:40:56,096 --> 00:40:59,099
♪ No children, no pic, no
martinis ♪
500
00:40:59,179 --> 00:41:00,260
♪ No money involved ♪
501
00:41:00,380 --> 00:41:01,301
♪ No escorts ♪
502
00:41:01,381 --> 00:41:03,023
♪ No tops, no bottoms ♪
503
00:41:03,143 --> 00:41:04,625
♪ No answer is an answer ♪
504
00:41:04,745 --> 00:41:07,387
♪ No answer, no interest ♪
505
00:41:07,467 --> 00:41:08,909
- No conformity.
506
00:41:23,283 --> 00:41:25,125
- This queen.
507
00:41:25,205 --> 00:41:27,247
Have you seen her around?
508
00:41:32,092 --> 00:41:33,093
- No.
509
00:41:36,737 --> 00:41:39,059
- Wow, that is a big sausage.
510
00:41:42,823 --> 00:41:43,984
Look at you.
511
00:41:45,706 --> 00:41:47,788
You big, sexy meat stick.
512
00:41:52,352 --> 00:41:56,597
You're just the longest
sausage, aren't you?
513
00:41:56,717 --> 00:42:00,400
You just wait until I
get my lips around you.
514
00:42:00,521 --> 00:42:02,082
[upbeat music]
515
00:42:02,202 --> 00:42:05,165
- I'll have what that one is
having.
516
00:42:08,328 --> 00:42:10,531
I hear you've been looking for
me.
517
00:42:10,651 --> 00:42:12,693
I'm so glad you found me.
518
00:42:14,895 --> 00:42:18,458
[upbeat dance music]
519
00:42:18,539 --> 00:42:19,540
- Order up.
520
00:42:23,463 --> 00:42:26,547
[upbeat dance music]
521
00:42:48,368 --> 00:42:51,532
[Queen Bitch moaning]
522
00:43:01,782 --> 00:43:04,424
[both moaning]
523
00:43:26,727 --> 00:43:29,810
[upbeat dance music]
524
00:43:53,994 --> 00:43:56,637
[both moaning]
525
00:44:14,935 --> 00:44:19,700
- So, you must be that Captain
I've heard so much about.
526
00:44:21,421 --> 00:44:23,383
Are you enjoying Daddy?
527
00:44:25,385 --> 00:44:26,426
- My priest?
528
00:44:26,507 --> 00:44:27,508
- My priest.
529
00:44:29,710 --> 00:44:33,674
- We have a purely, [clearing
throat]
530
00:44:33,754 --> 00:44:35,876
professional relationship.
531
00:44:37,397 --> 00:44:39,520
But I believe you have
something of his.
532
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,522
- [chuckling] Oh, honey.
533
00:44:41,602 --> 00:44:43,724
Everything I have is mine.
534
00:44:51,171 --> 00:44:52,172
Now, darling.
535
00:44:52,212 --> 00:44:53,213
Play nice.
536
00:44:54,855 --> 00:44:59,860
I can't believe you, of all
people, would fear a gay planet.
537
00:45:01,822 --> 00:45:03,063
- Of course not.
538
00:45:04,464 --> 00:45:05,826
Father Gaylord...
539
00:45:07,788 --> 00:45:09,109
It's complicated.
540
00:45:10,551 --> 00:45:13,874
- I think I've seen you
somewhere before.
541
00:45:13,954 --> 00:45:15,195
A long time ago.
542
00:45:16,957 --> 00:45:19,119
You looked different then.
543
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,843
[dreamy music]
544
00:45:29,930 --> 00:45:31,732
- Well you tell that fudgepacker
545
00:45:31,852 --> 00:45:35,976
that if he doesn't meet the
deadline, not only is he fired,
546
00:45:36,096 --> 00:45:40,220
but he'll also never
work in this town again!
547
00:45:40,340 --> 00:45:44,064
And I don't care if his
wife has lung cancer!
548
00:45:45,305 --> 00:45:48,468
[upbeat rock music]
549
00:45:49,990 --> 00:45:53,073
[Mr. Smith sniffing]
550
00:46:00,881 --> 00:46:01,882
Whew!
551
00:46:03,884 --> 00:46:04,885
Sally!
552
00:46:05,766 --> 00:46:06,607
Sally!
553
00:46:06,727 --> 00:46:07,848
Sally, get in here.
554
00:46:07,928 --> 00:46:09,730
- Yes, Mr. Smith?
555
00:46:09,850 --> 00:46:10,931
- Sally.
556
00:46:11,011 --> 00:46:12,212
Sweetheart.
557
00:46:12,332 --> 00:46:15,295
Put a hold on that Jew
David Ingleman's account
558
00:46:15,375 --> 00:46:17,738
starting right fucking now!
559
00:46:19,299 --> 00:46:21,221
- Yes, Mr. Smith.
560
00:46:21,301 --> 00:46:23,904
- And, Sally?
- Yes, Mr. Smith?
561
00:46:25,826 --> 00:46:26,867
- Smile more.
562
00:46:28,228 --> 00:46:29,670
It looks better.
563
00:46:35,716 --> 00:46:37,077
- Yes, Mr. Smith.
564
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,363
[upbeat rock music]
565
00:46:44,444 --> 00:46:45,245
- Thank you.
566
00:46:45,365 --> 00:46:46,366
That's all.
567
00:47:17,998 --> 00:47:21,842
[upbeat rock music continues]
568
00:47:23,363 --> 00:47:24,725
Fuck all this!
569
00:47:24,845 --> 00:47:26,887
I'm going to a titty bar!
570
00:47:29,289 --> 00:47:32,372
[upbeat dance music]
571
00:47:38,218 --> 00:47:41,021
[dramatic music]
572
00:47:50,230 --> 00:47:51,031
Hey!
573
00:47:51,111 --> 00:47:53,313
This isn't a titty bar!
574
00:47:53,433 --> 00:47:55,315
[dramatic music continues]
575
00:47:55,435 --> 00:47:56,436
- Silence!
576
00:47:58,599 --> 00:47:59,840
Come forward.
577
00:48:00,921 --> 00:48:04,484
- I don't take orders from no
broad!
578
00:48:04,565 --> 00:48:07,407
Even if she does have a nice
rack.
579
00:48:09,930 --> 00:48:14,935
[laser humming]
[Mr. Smith groaning]
580
00:48:54,575 --> 00:48:57,658
[Mr. Smith grunting]
581
00:49:48,068 --> 00:49:50,991
- You are a man in pain, Mr.
Smith.
582
00:49:52,673 --> 00:49:56,476
Lies latch on to you
like sticky spider silk.
583
00:49:58,839 --> 00:50:03,083
You are but a fragile fly
in a web of falsehoods.
584
00:50:04,084 --> 00:50:08,008
These mistruths, they
eat away at you at night.
585
00:50:09,690 --> 00:50:12,012
I can help you, Mr. Smith.
586
00:50:12,813 --> 00:50:17,497
But first, you will have to
let me break your fragile ego
587
00:50:17,618 --> 00:50:18,619
like an egg.
588
00:50:20,340 --> 00:50:25,145
[grunting]
And you won't let me do that.
589
00:50:26,747 --> 00:50:29,429
[dramatic music]
590
00:50:29,550 --> 00:50:32,152
A great tragedy will befall you.
591
00:50:32,232 --> 00:50:34,715
A terrible accident will happen.
592
00:50:34,795 --> 00:50:37,798
Please stay here with me, Mr.
Smith.
593
00:50:38,679 --> 00:50:40,200
Please.
594
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,242
Please, let me help you.
595
00:50:46,727 --> 00:50:49,089
- You crazy pervert!
596
00:50:49,169 --> 00:50:51,732
You don't know what you're
talking about.
597
00:50:51,852 --> 00:50:53,133
Go get fucked.
598
00:50:55,255 --> 00:50:56,537
Choke on a dick!
599
00:50:58,739 --> 00:51:01,181
- A curse on you, Mr. Smith.
600
00:51:02,623 --> 00:51:05,465
May you be forever tied to one.
601
00:51:05,586 --> 00:51:10,511
Trapped between gayness and
God, to aid him on his journey
602
00:51:10,631 --> 00:51:12,152
and transcendence.
603
00:51:12,913 --> 00:51:16,557
From now on, your sole
mission in life will be
604
00:51:17,878 --> 00:51:22,923
to smash the patriarchal
structures that have benefited
you.
605
00:51:23,964 --> 00:51:26,607
The Ring of Oberon makes it so!
606
00:51:29,690 --> 00:51:32,733
[dramatic music continues]
607
00:51:32,813 --> 00:51:35,856
[upbeat dance music]
608
00:51:39,580 --> 00:51:42,543
[car horn honking]
[Mr. Smith screaming]
609
00:51:42,663 --> 00:51:44,464
[tires screeching]
610
00:51:44,545 --> 00:51:46,547
[car crashing]
611
00:51:46,667 --> 00:51:49,630
[Mr. Smith gagging]
612
00:51:54,595 --> 00:51:57,357
[siren wailing]
613
00:52:06,446 --> 00:52:09,369
[machines beeping]
614
00:52:13,814 --> 00:52:15,816
- The patient, Mr. Smith,
615
00:52:15,896 --> 00:52:18,579
has suffered several severe
injuries,
616
00:52:18,699 --> 00:52:22,783
including stage fracture
of the homunculus majorus.
617
00:52:22,903 --> 00:52:25,506
We have stabilized him for now,
618
00:52:25,586 --> 00:52:28,068
but he has lost a lot of blood.
619
00:52:29,149 --> 00:52:32,392
The good news is, he is O
positive,
620
00:52:32,472 --> 00:52:34,635
and we've got lots of that.
621
00:52:36,356 --> 00:52:38,679
Father, it does not look good.
622
00:52:38,799 --> 00:52:41,441
Please stand by for last rites.
623
00:52:50,090 --> 00:52:51,091
Donny?
624
00:52:52,933 --> 00:52:53,934
Donny!
625
00:52:58,539 --> 00:53:03,343
Go to the storage room and
get us two bags of O Positive.
626
00:53:03,423 --> 00:53:04,424
Stat!
627
00:53:06,947 --> 00:53:09,109
- Right away, Frau Doktor.
628
00:53:14,114 --> 00:53:16,757
[quirky music]
629
00:53:52,112 --> 00:53:54,715
[machines beeping]
630
00:53:54,795 --> 00:53:57,598
[dramatic music]
631
00:54:25,746 --> 00:54:29,229
[machines beeping rapidly]
632
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,123
[Mr. Smith groaning]
633
00:54:56,897 --> 00:55:00,140
[chimes ringing]
634
00:55:00,260 --> 00:55:02,863
[upbeat music]
635
00:55:04,424 --> 00:55:06,066
- Nurse!
636
00:55:06,146 --> 00:55:07,588
Doctor!
637
00:55:07,708 --> 00:55:08,909
I feel fabulous!
638
00:55:10,070 --> 00:55:11,111
I feel great!
639
00:55:19,119 --> 00:55:20,400
[dreamy music]
640
00:55:20,521 --> 00:55:21,522
- Yes.
641
00:55:23,363 --> 00:55:26,927
You have a curse on you, don't
you?
642
00:55:27,047 --> 00:55:31,051
You must help Father
Gaylord, you have no choice.
643
00:55:32,172 --> 00:55:33,413
- How did you know?
644
00:55:33,493 --> 00:55:35,335
- It controls you too.
645
00:55:35,455 --> 00:55:36,456
Or, it has.
646
00:55:38,699 --> 00:55:42,142
I'm sure you remember
meeting The Dick Reader?
647
00:55:42,222 --> 00:55:47,187
And boy, did she read
you wrong. [laughing]
648
00:55:48,829 --> 00:55:52,993
- Father Gaylord has a
picture of her on his wall.
649
00:55:54,034 --> 00:55:55,035
I remember.
650
00:55:57,477 --> 00:55:59,279
But it does not change the
situation.
651
00:55:59,399 --> 00:56:00,841
- Doesn't it?
652
00:56:00,921 --> 00:56:05,485
That priest is using the
church as an over-sized closet!
653
00:56:06,406 --> 00:56:09,209
He's running from me.
- From you?
654
00:56:13,534 --> 00:56:16,136
- When I release the demons,
655
00:56:16,216 --> 00:56:20,220
Father Gaylord won't
be able to run anymore.
656
00:56:20,340 --> 00:56:22,382
There'll be no reason to.
657
00:56:23,383 --> 00:56:24,424
No more hate.
658
00:56:26,867 --> 00:56:30,230
No more concentration camps for
the gays.
659
00:56:31,391 --> 00:56:35,115
No more pink triangles
pinned to our chests.
660
00:56:38,078 --> 00:56:41,161
No more shootings in Orlando.
661
00:56:41,281 --> 00:56:43,764
No more Wyoming crucifixions.
662
00:56:45,125 --> 00:56:48,208
The world will embrace men
loving men
663
00:56:49,089 --> 00:56:52,132
because we will dominate the
Earth.
664
00:56:52,212 --> 00:56:54,535
Father Gaylord can't stop me.
665
00:56:56,456 --> 00:56:58,218
And neither can you.
666
00:57:03,303 --> 00:57:06,507
[Queen Bitch laughing]
667
00:57:22,603 --> 00:57:24,324
- I met Queen Bitch.
668
00:57:25,205 --> 00:57:27,928
She took me to her lair.
669
00:57:28,048 --> 00:57:30,490
Which, I must say, is fabulous!
670
00:57:33,213 --> 00:57:36,977
Her human table Maurice
will come to you tonight
671
00:57:37,097 --> 00:57:39,540
with an urgent need to confess.
672
00:57:41,742 --> 00:57:44,384
But while you are in the
confessions,
673
00:57:44,505 --> 00:57:48,388
Queen Bitch will sneak to
the pulpit and jerk off
674
00:57:48,468 --> 00:57:51,672
into the Anus of Hell
and release the demons
675
00:57:51,792 --> 00:57:55,315
and turn the whole world into
homosexuals.
676
00:57:56,276 --> 00:57:59,079
[dramatic music]
677
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:02,923
Are you sure we want to stop
her?
678
00:58:04,204 --> 00:58:08,048
- Oh no, she's got you in her
clutches.
679
00:58:08,168 --> 00:58:10,370
- I am in no one's clutches!
680
00:58:10,450 --> 00:58:14,615
I just don't understand
why we fear a gay planet.
681
00:58:14,695 --> 00:58:19,540
More homosexuals is what the
world needs, don't you think?
682
00:58:22,102 --> 00:58:23,143
- No.
683
00:58:23,263 --> 00:58:24,384
No, no, I do not!
684
00:58:25,586 --> 00:58:30,310
We must find a cure for this
queerness that afflicts us!
685
00:58:37,558 --> 00:58:38,799
- Come on!
686
00:58:38,919 --> 00:58:40,801
Jesus was a total homo.
687
00:58:40,921 --> 00:58:43,764
All these men around all the
time.
688
00:58:45,365 --> 00:58:47,167
And the foot washing?
689
00:58:48,328 --> 00:58:52,212
Seems a little fetishy
to me, don't you think?
690
00:58:55,295 --> 00:58:56,537
And that chest.
691
00:59:07,748 --> 00:59:09,870
Maurice will come tonight.
692
00:59:10,791 --> 00:59:13,393
What you do then is up to you.
693
00:59:14,675 --> 00:59:18,078
[dramatic organ music]
694
00:59:32,853 --> 00:59:34,174
- My children.
695
00:59:35,736 --> 00:59:37,217
My children.
696
00:59:37,337 --> 00:59:39,940
My children, my blessed
children.
697
00:59:42,903 --> 00:59:45,546
Today I have grim news.
698
00:59:45,626 --> 00:59:49,229
Trouble is afoot in our House
of the Lord.
699
00:59:50,511 --> 00:59:54,635
A being will enter Saint
Sebastian's Cathedral tonight
700
00:59:54,715 --> 00:59:57,317
and attempt her way to the
pulpit
701
00:59:57,437 --> 01:00:01,962
where she will perform
unspeakable and irreversible
acts
702
01:00:03,564 --> 01:00:07,327
at the stroke of midnight
to flood the world
703
01:00:07,407 --> 01:00:10,611
with homosexuals.
704
01:00:10,651 --> 01:00:12,813
[dramatic music]
705
01:00:12,893 --> 01:00:13,894
My children.
706
01:00:15,055 --> 01:00:17,417
It is up to us to stop her.
707
01:00:22,062 --> 01:00:24,505
- What kind of acts, Father?
708
01:00:29,069 --> 01:00:33,433
- Unspeakable means that
we don't speak about them.
709
01:00:33,554 --> 01:00:35,716
Isn't that right, Johannes?
710
01:00:38,879 --> 01:00:41,522
- How will we know her, Father?
711
01:00:44,645 --> 01:00:46,607
[soft music]
712
01:00:46,687 --> 01:00:48,889
- Her beauty, incomparable.
713
01:00:51,011 --> 01:00:52,693
Her seductive eyes.
714
01:00:54,535 --> 01:00:56,937
Her bejeweled slender fingers.
715
01:00:58,659 --> 01:01:01,461
When she moves, it's like a
sigh.
716
01:01:03,744 --> 01:01:05,305
You will know her.
717
01:01:06,106 --> 01:01:07,708
You must stop her!
718
01:01:10,470 --> 01:01:12,873
- How do you know her, Father?
719
01:01:16,837 --> 01:01:21,842
- Many months ago, I was
doing some important outreach
720
01:01:21,962 --> 01:01:23,844
with homosexuals,
721
01:01:23,924 --> 01:01:25,125
[dramatic music]
722
01:01:25,245 --> 01:01:27,087
urging them to repent.
723
01:01:28,569 --> 01:01:33,373
Trying to save their souls
from the fiery depths of hell.
724
01:01:35,215 --> 01:01:37,417
I met Queen Bitch.
725
01:01:37,538 --> 01:01:39,860
A being beyond saving.
726
01:01:39,980 --> 01:01:42,182
A being with certain power.
727
01:01:43,183 --> 01:01:46,186
In cahoots with a treacherous
woman.
728
01:01:49,510 --> 01:01:53,113
- I counseled Queen Bitch for
some months.
729
01:01:53,233 --> 01:01:57,678
Trying to show her the way
of our Lord, to no avail.
730
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,482
Indeed, I did fall under her
spell.
731
01:02:03,964 --> 01:02:06,647
But the power of Christ is
mighty.
732
01:02:06,767 --> 01:02:11,251
And it was by this power that
I was able to break free.
733
01:02:15,576 --> 01:02:20,581
- Is this the weekly outreach
you still do at Crisco Cuties?
734
01:02:22,142 --> 01:02:26,266
- Silence, we don't
speak about that place.
735
01:02:26,346 --> 01:02:28,829
Queen Bitch must be stopped.
736
01:02:28,949 --> 01:02:31,792
If she's not stopped, none of
you,
737
01:02:33,113 --> 01:02:36,116
most of you, will never be the
same.
738
01:02:39,640 --> 01:02:42,122
[bell tolling]
739
01:02:44,324 --> 01:02:47,287
[triangle ringing]
740
01:02:57,177 --> 01:03:00,340
- Bless me, Father, for I have
sinned.
741
01:03:02,222 --> 01:03:05,025
I have aided and abetted in
thievery,
742
01:03:05,145 --> 01:03:10,070
and succumbed to carnal,
homosexual lust with Her
Highness,
743
01:03:10,190 --> 01:03:13,674
Queen Bitch, whom I
believe you know as well.
744
01:03:13,794 --> 01:03:16,677
- I know why you're here.
- Father Gaylord.
745
01:03:16,757 --> 01:03:18,559
Captain Faggotron has the ring.
746
01:03:18,679 --> 01:03:20,080
And he's going to use it.
747
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:21,962
- Not Captain Faggotron!
748
01:03:22,042 --> 01:03:22,803
- Yes.
749
01:03:22,923 --> 01:03:24,084
He has joined us.
750
01:03:24,164 --> 01:03:26,126
And he's at the pulpit as we
speak,
751
01:03:26,206 --> 01:03:28,368
waiting for the Anus of Hell to
open.
752
01:03:28,448 --> 01:03:30,971
But he doesn't know what
the ring will do to him.
753
01:03:31,051 --> 01:03:32,693
- What do you mean?
754
01:03:33,774 --> 01:03:37,658
- The ring is from Queen
Bitch's home, Oberon,
755
01:03:38,378 --> 01:03:40,781
one of the moons of Uranus.
756
01:03:42,102 --> 01:03:44,304
Queen Bitch is immune
to the ring's powers.
757
01:03:44,384 --> 01:03:46,987
But for a mere human such
as Captain Faggotron,
758
01:03:47,107 --> 01:03:48,148
it is deadly.
759
01:03:49,790 --> 01:03:52,232
If Captain Faggotron is
able to work his magic
760
01:03:52,352 --> 01:03:55,355
with the ring, at the stroke of
midnight,
761
01:03:55,435 --> 01:03:57,718
the ring will fly into the Anus
of Hell,
762
01:03:57,798 --> 01:03:59,239
releasing the demons,
763
01:03:59,359 --> 01:04:02,242
and taking Captain Faggotron's
life force with it.
764
01:04:02,362 --> 01:04:04,925
- Didn't Queen Bitch warn him?
765
01:04:05,045 --> 01:04:09,009
- She tried to, but he wouldn't
listen!
766
01:04:09,089 --> 01:04:12,092
- We need to warn Captain
Faggotron!
767
01:04:12,212 --> 01:04:15,255
- Father, it's 30 seconds to
midnight!
768
01:04:15,335 --> 01:04:17,337
I don't think we can stop him.
769
01:04:17,457 --> 01:04:19,499
- We'll have to hurry.
770
01:04:19,580 --> 01:04:22,783
[upbeat dance music]
771
01:04:42,523 --> 01:04:46,406
♪ Infused with queer blood
accidentally ♪
772
01:04:46,527 --> 01:04:50,531
♪ His dick revealed a special
prophecy ♪
773
01:04:50,611 --> 01:04:54,494
♪ Destroy all toxic masculinity
♪
774
01:04:54,615 --> 01:04:59,019
♪ We're gonna buck your
normativity ♪
775
01:04:59,099 --> 01:05:04,064
♪ Now he drips with ♪
776
01:05:04,945 --> 01:05:09,590
♪ Sexual energy ♪
777
01:05:09,710 --> 01:05:14,835
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
778
01:05:15,115 --> 01:05:18,799
♪ Flirting in person
when he gets a chance ♪
779
01:05:18,919 --> 01:05:23,003
♪ He dances with his pants
pants ♪
780
01:05:23,123 --> 01:05:27,287
♪ Clouds of glitter and
resistance ♪
781
01:05:33,694 --> 01:05:37,658
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
782
01:05:37,738 --> 01:05:41,582
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
783
01:05:41,702 --> 01:05:45,145
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
784
01:06:02,723 --> 01:06:06,527
♪ Captain Faggotron won't
destroy your family ♪
785
01:06:06,647 --> 01:06:08,288
♪ But he could quickie ♪
786
01:06:08,368 --> 01:06:10,571
♪ And be sure to set them free ♪
787
01:06:10,691 --> 01:06:12,412
♪ Captain Faggotron ♪
788
01:06:12,533 --> 01:06:14,494
♪ From elastic in Japan ♪
789
01:06:14,575 --> 01:06:18,058
♪ He makes it into small
towns and majesties ♪
790
01:06:18,178 --> 01:06:20,500
♪ Another man ♪
791
01:06:35,115 --> 01:06:36,597
♪ Captain Faggotron ♪
792
01:06:36,717 --> 01:06:39,119
♪ He's gonna save the world ♪
793
01:06:39,199 --> 01:06:41,161
♪ Make it a safer place ♪
794
01:06:41,281 --> 01:06:46,166
♪ For every queer boy
and every queer girl ♪
795
01:06:53,734 --> 01:06:57,778
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
796
01:06:57,858 --> 01:07:01,702
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
797
01:07:01,822 --> 01:07:05,666
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
798
01:07:05,746 --> 01:07:09,550
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
799
01:07:09,670 --> 01:07:13,554
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
800
01:07:13,674 --> 01:07:17,798
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
801
01:07:17,918 --> 01:07:21,401
♪ It's Captain Faggotron ♪
802
01:07:27,247 --> 01:07:29,570
- [Captain Faggotron] Come on,
demons.
803
01:07:29,690 --> 01:07:31,491
Come on, demons!
804
01:07:31,572 --> 01:07:32,292
- [Queen Bitch] Wait!
805
01:07:32,412 --> 01:07:33,413
Stop!
806
01:07:34,054 --> 01:07:37,538
- This is what you want.
[moaning]
807
01:07:49,309 --> 01:07:51,912
[dramatic music]
808
01:08:18,418 --> 01:08:19,860
[dramatic music continues]
809
01:08:19,980 --> 01:08:22,943
[explosion booming]
810
01:08:26,827 --> 01:08:29,950
[eerie ambient music]
811
01:08:41,401 --> 01:08:43,924
[quirky music]
812
01:09:03,343 --> 01:09:05,826
[all laughing]
813
01:09:14,795 --> 01:09:17,437
[all moaning]
814
01:09:21,081 --> 01:09:24,885
[Captain Faggotron groaning]
815
01:09:49,229 --> 01:09:50,791
- It's happened.
816
01:09:50,871 --> 01:09:52,673
It's happened.
817
01:09:52,753 --> 01:09:54,474
We were too late.
818
01:09:54,595 --> 01:09:55,596
Too late.
819
01:09:57,878 --> 01:10:00,160
- I'm sorry, Father Gaylord.
820
01:10:01,522 --> 01:10:03,964
I did it for the greater good.
821
01:10:05,806 --> 01:10:06,807
- I know.
822
01:10:07,568 --> 01:10:08,569
I know.
823
01:10:11,652 --> 01:10:15,455
[Captain Faggotron groaning]
824
01:10:20,581 --> 01:10:22,903
[soft music]
825
01:10:31,111 --> 01:10:32,993
- No more closets.
826
01:10:33,113 --> 01:10:34,675
No more fear.
827
01:10:34,755 --> 01:10:35,556
- Never.
828
01:10:35,636 --> 01:10:38,799
[soft music continues]
829
01:10:46,246 --> 01:10:48,929
[upbeat music]
830
01:11:18,318 --> 01:11:21,842
[upbeat music continues]
831
01:11:42,863 --> 01:11:47,868
♪ I walk the streets alone
in the dead of the night ♪
832
01:11:50,951 --> 01:11:53,914
♪ Follow the slightest crawl ♪
833
01:11:53,994 --> 01:11:58,959
♪ From darkness into the light ♪
834
01:11:59,239 --> 01:12:02,002
♪ Within an hour or two ♪
835
01:12:02,122 --> 01:12:07,087
♪ This city wakes under
unforgiving skies ♪
836
01:12:07,728 --> 01:12:11,972
♪ Turns nightly creatures into
shadows ♪
837
01:12:12,052 --> 01:12:15,856
♪ And turns promises to lies ♪
838
01:12:15,936 --> 01:12:20,901
♪ I drown my sadness in a
nice glass of chardonnay ♪
839
01:12:24,024 --> 01:12:29,029
♪ Watch all the strangers
through a blur of cheap cocaine
♪
840
01:12:32,112 --> 01:12:35,235
♪ The face in the mirror
whispers ♪
841
01:12:35,355 --> 01:12:40,320
♪ Don't hold on to things
that have long gone ♪
842
01:12:40,480 --> 01:12:43,483
♪ I turn my head to the light ♪
843
01:12:43,564 --> 01:12:46,486
♪ And with the blink of an eye ♪
844
01:12:46,607 --> 01:12:49,329
♪ I come undone ♪
845
01:13:05,906 --> 01:13:09,750
[singing in foreign language]
846
01:14:10,571 --> 01:14:14,094
[upbeat music continues]
847
01:14:43,564 --> 01:14:46,687
♪ Let me be the ocean ♪
848
01:14:46,767 --> 01:14:51,772
♪ That whispers to the
shore of fallen tears ♪
849
01:14:52,372 --> 01:14:56,016
♪ Let me raise my glass to the
pain ♪
850
01:14:56,136 --> 01:15:00,060
♪ Before my kind just sets a
fear ♪
851
01:15:00,180 --> 01:15:04,625
♪ Underneath the night skies of
Berlin ♪
852
01:15:09,590 --> 01:15:13,714
[woman speaking foreign
language]
853
01:15:41,221 --> 01:15:44,064
♪ Let me be the ocean ♪
854
01:15:44,144 --> 01:15:49,149
♪ That whispers to the
shore of fallen tears ♪
855
01:15:49,710 --> 01:15:53,233
♪ Let me raise my glass to the
pain ♪
856
01:15:53,353 --> 01:15:57,558
♪ Before my kind just sets a
fear ♪
857
01:15:57,638 --> 01:16:02,643
♪ Underneath the night skies of
Berlin ♪
858
01:16:06,567 --> 01:16:11,211
♪ Underneath the night skies of
Berlin ♪
859
01:16:34,314 --> 01:16:37,678
[upbeat music continues]58278
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