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1
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,265
(CHALK SCRATCHING)
2
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:46,468
(CHILD LAUGHING)
3
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:26,379
(RUSTLING)
4
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,317
MALCOLM: Why isn't this
stupid thing workin?
5
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:29,786
See, that's that bullshit.
6
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,576
I'm taking this shit
right back to Best Buy.
7
00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:34,616
Or not.
8
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,457
Stupid lens cap.
9
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:37,962
Wow!
10
00:01:38,331 --> 00:01:39,355
Brand-new camera.
11
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:41,491
I'm filming
everything with this.
12
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,126
Christmas, New Year's, vagina.
13
00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:48,504
All right.
Today is the big day.
14
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,701
My girlfriend
Kisha's moving in.
15
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,971
Now, all my boys keep telling
me, "Don't do it, don't do it,
16
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,809
because everything's
gonna change."
17
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,314
"She's gonna take
over your house."
18
00:01:56,382 --> 00:01:57,582
"She's never
gonna cook again."
19
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:58,675
"And worst of all,
20
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,151
you're putting
your dick in jail."
21
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,620
I think they're trippin'.
22
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:05,556
Once she moves in,
everything's gonna be perfect.
23
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:06,852
Place looks nice.
24
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,860
Baby boy cleaned up
for you, huh?
25
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,657
(THUDS) Oh, shit!
26
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,027
Rosa!
27
00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:13,326
(SHOUTING IN SPANISH)
28
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:14,990
Hey, you gotta
announce yourself.
29
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:17,059
You can't just creep up on me.
(SPANISH CONTINUES)
30
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,899
Aw, come on. This is
my housekeeper, Rosa.
31
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,167
Say hi. Say hi.
Say hi!
32
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:23,004
Hi! Hola.
Say "Hola." Hola.
33
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,065
Bye-bye!
34
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,234
No, no. We gonna
say hi the right way.
35
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,973
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SPEAKING FAKE SPANISH)
36
00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:29,378
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay!
37
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:31,313
Do this.
Oh!
38
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,982
I'm a big bambino?
39
00:02:33,052 --> 00:02:35,714
(SPANISH)
40
00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:37,482
You know I love you.
(DOG BARKING)
41
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,988
Hey, Shiloh!
Say hi to Mommy.
42
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:43,093
I'm gonna hump you on your leg, Kisha.
That's right.
43
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,528
And I'm gonna lick you
all over your face
44
00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:46,724
with my dog-ball mouth.
45
00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:47,924
(LAUGHS)
46
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,969
(HORN HONKING) Oh, shit.
Here she comes.
47
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:51,094
Hi, baby!
48
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,468
Hey, baby! Hi!
49
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:53,561
(BARKING)
50
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,163
No, no, Shiloh!
Wait! No, no, no, no!
51
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:57,440
(LOUD THUD)
Shiloh! What did you do?
52
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,000
I didn't see him!
What did you do?
53
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:00,067
I'm so sorry.
54
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,454
Oh, my God! (SCREAMS)
(SHOUTING)
55
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,116
Shiloh, come on, breathe.
56
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,208
Maybe he's just playing dead.
57
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:07,253
He doesn't know
how to play dead.
58
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:09,753
He knows how to shake hands.
He knows how to fetch.
59
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,619
He knows how to roll over.
60
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:12,924
He don't know how to play dead.
61
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,359
Come on, Shiloh, breathe.
62
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:16,452
One, two, three.
Breathe.
63
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,463
KISHA: Aww!
(PANTING)
64
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,285
Give me the jumper cables.
The jumper cables?
65
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,393
Give me
the goddamn jumper cables!
66
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:23,799
Don't you die on me!
67
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:26,330
Start the car!
(SPARKING)
68
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:28,203
Clear! Go!
69
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:29,605
(ENGINE REVS) Oh, shit!
70
00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:31,937
(CRYING)
71
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:33,406
(WAILING)
72
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,503
Meet me at the hospital!
73
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,776
(BAWLING)
74
00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,014
The hospital's that way!
75
00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:40,450
Don't go towards
the light, Shiloh!
76
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,590
(SOBS) You're in
a better place now, buddy.
77
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,455
KISHA:
I'm so, so sorry.
78
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,752
It's okay, baby.
79
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:52,593
It's... It's not your fault.
Yes, it is.
80
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:55,429
You know, look...
Look on the bright side.
81
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:57,401
I'm allergic to dogs.
82
00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,904
I know, but that's what
was so great about Shiloh.
83
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,175
He was hypoallergenic.
84
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,108
Shiloh!
85
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:09,938
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
86
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:14,112
(LOUD SOBBING)
87
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:18,790
(SOBBING CONTINUES)
88
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:22,857
Oh, my God!
Look at all this shit.
89
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,453
Okay, Malcolm,
this is the last box.
90
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,362
What's with the camera?
91
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:29,833
I'm documenting
our lives together.
92
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,960
Say hi.
93
00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,904
Hi! Okay. Mmm.
94
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,597
That ass lookin' nice, baby.
95
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:38,075
Hey, hey. Pan up, pan up.
I see that.
96
00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:39,736
Baby, you are officially
a hoarder.
97
00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:41,439
I swear to God, I'm gonna
open one of these boxes
98
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:44,108
and find, like, a dead cat and
an old baloney sandwich in it.
99
00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:45,810
Ha, ha, ha.
Very funny.
100
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:47,816
Oh, my God.
Do you need these?
101
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:49,320
Yes! These are...
For what?
102
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:51,118
These are good wedding shoes!
103
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:53,681
One to 10, what are you
feeling right now about that?
104
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,190
Um, 8.7.
105
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,296
(GRUNTS) What do you feel about that?
Nine. Nine.
106
00:04:58,364 --> 00:04:59,422
That's a nine?
Yes.
107
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,467
No, wait! Come on. Come on.
What's this? Hold on.
108
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:04,401
This is a box that my aunt
brought from Kenya.
109
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:06,964
This is a nine, too.
110
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,098
Oh, my God!
111
00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:09,397
Say it.
112
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,966
Hi, my name is Kisha Davis,
and I'm a hoarder.
113
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,647
There's shame.
114
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:19,477
Oh, wow.
115
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,984
Are these your daddy's ashes?
116
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,189
Yes, Malcolm.
They go where I go.
117
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:27,017
So, we're gonna have his
ghost watching over us?
118
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:28,553
That's comforting.
119
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:32,064
Just put him in the other room.
He likes to watch TV.
120
00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:33,223
He's dead.
What's he gonna watch?
121
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:34,789
American Horror Story?
122
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,260
Okay, babe, these video
games, they have to go.
123
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,101
Wait. Leave my video games alone.
They're tacky.
124
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,231
Give me my camera!
125
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:42,535
Kisha, stop playing.
You're gonna break it.
126
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:44,803
I'm not gonna break it.
(SCREAMS) Give me my camera!
127
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,873
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
128
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:53,752
"Negra?" Did she
just call me a nigger?
129
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,651
What? What?
(SPANISH CONTINUES)
130
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:57,450
I will lambada your ass!
131
00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:58,956
English! English!
Speak English!
132
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,219
Baby. Baby. Baby!
133
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,614
You know she
don't like me, right?
134
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,460
Oh, I know
what's going on here.
135
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,791
Are you banging Rosa?
136
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,145
You got some Schwarzenegger
stuff going on in here, right?
137
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,827
Really?
Yeah, okay, yeah.
138
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,334
She's pregnant with
my love child right now.
139
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:13,236
Yeah, we're gonna have a nappy-haired
baby that speaks perfect Spanish.
140
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,474
(CHUCKLES) Come on. Think about it.
(LAUGHS) Okay.
141
00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:18,638
Mmm.
142
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,406
Mmm.
143
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,446
Hungry there, buddy?
Mm-hmm.
144
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:24,142
You're over there eating
like the Cookie Monster.
145
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,878
(LAUGHS)
146
00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,849
Can I just enjoy
my food, please?
147
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,979
Wow. Somebody's crabby.
148
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,149
I'm sorry.
I'm just tired.
149
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:37,127
I haven't been sleeping well.
I keep hearing these noises.
150
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:39,056
Scary.
151
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:41,961
Well, you don't have
to be afraid, okay?
152
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,899
'Cause you're
living with me now.
153
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,302
And nobody's gonna
hurt you on my watch.
154
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,771
Okay?
Okay.
155
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,141
Unless the nigger got a gun.
156
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:54,871
Then you on your own.
157
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:58,906
What?
158
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,418
(WOLF WHISTLE)
Hey, baby, what you doin?
159
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:07,050
Well, it's time to put on something
a little more comfortable.
160
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:09,193
Aha! That's what
I'm talkin' about!
161
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,286
(LAUGHING)
162
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,796
Fellas,
get out your pen and pads.
163
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:14,628
We about to give you a sex tutorial.
Let's do this.
164
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:17,100
(R & B SONG PLAYING)
165
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,830
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
166
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,174
(PANTING)
167
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:25,772
(MOANING)
168
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,177
Mmm. Oh.
169
00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,078
Yeah.
170
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,948
Oh, you got the beat!
171
00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:36,419
Oh! Stop. (SHUDDERING)
172
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,116
Stop. Not yet. Not... Ahh!
173
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,822
(PANTING)
174
00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:42,858
You gonna bring
a friend there, huh?
175
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,428
Ah. Ah.
176
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,757
Uh-huh? Watch that.
Uh-huh.
177
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,097
Now you get some, yeah.
Watch. Watch.
178
00:07:49,368 --> 00:07:50,357
Ah, taste that.
179
00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,529
Look at Daddy. Uh-huh.
180
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,636
(GRUNTING)
181
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:56,866
Two dogs, one duck.
182
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,137
Get it nasty.
You nasty.
183
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,371
(DUCK HONKING)
184
00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,745
Go home.
185
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,045
I want you by myself. Yeah.
186
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:07,417
(SIZZLING) Shh.
187
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:09,550
Oh. Oh, shit!
That's still hot!
188
00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:12,090
Shut up. Take it.
You just take it.
189
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:15,194
(WHEEZING GRUNTS)
190
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:16,994
Take it, take it, take it.
191
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:18,894
Baby!
Yeah, baby?
192
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:23,197
I cannot believe this is our
first night living together!
193
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:25,202
Yeah. It's nice, huh?
Uh-huh.
194
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:27,135
I can't wait to
lie next to you.
195
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:29,367
Oh, me, too.
Gotta go, baby.
196
00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:30,965
(KISSES) It was fun.
197
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,880
Whoo!
198
00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:37,174
Get in.
199
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:38,641
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
200
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:39,742
Here I come!
201
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:40,877
Okay, honey.
202
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:48,483
Baby, you are
the sexiest woman...
203
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,688
What the hell?
204
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:54,926
You know, Malcolm, not everybody goes
to bed looking like a supermodel.
205
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,901
Apparently not.
You know?
206
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,483
Besides, what is wrong
with my outfit?
207
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,802
Nothin', if you lived in a
box underneath the freeway.
208
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:01,862
What?
209
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:04,108
Come on! Hold the
sign up, please?
210
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:06,302
(LAUGHING)
211
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:07,638
Can I go to bed?
212
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,044
No, you gotta
get the joke first!
213
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:10,172
Come on.
214
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:11,307
All right.
Okay, fine.
215
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,476
Okay. I'm ready.
216
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,110
All right. Go ahead.
217
00:09:14,186 --> 00:09:16,211
Spare change?
(CHANGE RATTLING)
218
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,950
You stupid!
219
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:34,799
(KISSES) I love you.
Good night.
220
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:46,642
(RUMBLING)
221
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,585
(LOUD FART)
222
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:54,623
(COUGHING)
223
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:55,986
God!
224
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:01,261
(GASPING)
225
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,865
How could someone
so cute be so stink?
226
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,097
Oh, Jesus Christ!
227
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,140
(LOUD FART)
228
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:12,436
Oh, really?
Oh, God!
229
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,607
What crawled up
your ass and died?
230
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:16,739
Shit!
231
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,508
(FARTS) Really?
232
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,313
You ain't allowed to move
in here and do this shit.
233
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:21,375
Mm-mmm.
234
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:22,977
(SPRAYING)
Mm-mmm.
235
00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:24,682
(SNIFFS) Ugh!
(FARTS)
236
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,020
Aah! (WHIMPERING)
237
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,224
It's alive! What?
(HIGH-PITCHED FART)
238
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,797
(HYSTERICAL LAUGHING)
239
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,396
Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!
240
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,901
Oh!
241
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:38,937
(FARTS) I heard that.
242
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,509
So, we didn't
have sex last night.
243
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:49,173
Kisha didn't cook,
and she killed my dog.
244
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,307
But other than that,
245
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,080
I guess this moving-in thing
is gonna be pretty cool.
246
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:58,481
KISHA: Malcolm! Malcolm!
247
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:00,223
What's up?
248
00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:03,056
My keys are on the floor.
249
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:04,187
Okay.
250
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:05,661
Malcolm.
What?
251
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:07,699
Something weird
is going on here.
252
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,267
If you mean something weird
253
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,136
Like you farting in your
sleep, yes, there is.
254
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,865
No, no.
255
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:14,097
I think we have a ghost.
256
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,197
A ghost?
257
00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,742
Yeah, okay. No, you have
a ghost in your ass.
258
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,204
Okay. Come on, really?
259
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:22,304
I wanna bring a psychic
to tell us what's going on.
260
00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:23,439
A psychic?
261
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,956
Ah, come on, Kish.
That's ridiculous.
262
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,814
Look, I'll tell you
what's going on, okay?
263
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,444
Some neighborhood kid
came in here,
264
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,284
stole something out of your
purse, and then he left...
265
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:33,291
No. See, if anyone
is stealing anything,
266
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,759
(HISPANIC ACCENT)
it is you-know-who, okay?
267
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,928
Hey, girl! (LAUGHS)
268
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:43,160
Okay, we have no idea what she's
doing when we're not here.
269
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,866
Why is she
always wearing gloves?
270
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:47,405
Okay, fine.
I'll take care of it.
271
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:48,462
Guilty.
272
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,303
(DOORBELL RINGS)
273
00:11:50,943 --> 00:11:51,967
Hey, I'm Dan the Security Man.
274
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:53,306
Hey, how you doin?
Nice to meet you.
275
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,740
Oh, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
What's up?
276
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,577
Hey, I'm sorry, buddy.
I didn't see you back there.
277
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,776
That's my associate, Bob.
Actually, he's my brother.
278
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,045
He's a simple...
279
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,279
I'm his brother, too.
280
00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:03,480
He used to play in the dryer.
We turned it on once.
281
00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:05,318
(IMITATES THUMPING)
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
282
00:12:05,624 --> 00:12:06,648
Whoa, whoa!
283
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:07,920
KISHA: Hey, yo,
you better back up!
284
00:12:07,993 --> 00:12:08,982
What's the problem?
285
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,528
We're here to install cameras.
286
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,188
Yeah. Not to be
filmed on camera.
287
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:13,526
'Cause I'm doing
my own reality show.
288
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:14,839
Well, I'm not signing anything.
289
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,697
And I can't write.
He can't write.
290
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,133
Blur this out.
291
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,304
Mosaic.
Okay.
292
00:12:20,606 --> 00:12:21,868
KISHA:
What is he doing?
293
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,632
Is the owner home?
294
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,308
You're talking to him.
295
00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:27,311
(SNICKERING) Yeah, right!
296
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:28,403
KISHA: Wow.
297
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,745
Oh. Wow. Okay.
298
00:12:31,183 --> 00:12:34,016
All right. Now, that camera
covers your entire backyard.
299
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,280
It's cool.
300
00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:37,513
Let's say you and the missus are
having a pool party, right?
301
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,523
You know, you're grilling up
some fried chicken,
302
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:42,459
probably some ribs.
303
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:44,820
Hot wings, some pig knuckle,
304
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:46,228
strimps.
305
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,532
You know,
maybe some corn bread.
306
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:52,460
I'd say watermelon, but that
might be racist, right?
307
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,436
Corn bread was pretty close.
308
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:57,304
Not really. Country
folks eat corn bread.
309
00:12:57,977 --> 00:12:59,069
Can I say it?
310
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,068
You talking about the "N" word?
Yeah.
311
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:02,478
No. It's not appropriate.
312
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:03,572
(QUIETLY) I see.
313
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,043
Are you...
Is he serious?
314
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,016
You can call me a cracker.
315
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:09,420
I don't want to.
I just want...
316
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:10,648
Let me say it.
317
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:11,747
(SIGHS)
318
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:15,225
If you say it, I'm going to
punch you in your face.
319
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,689
Anyway...
Wow.
320
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:21,528
Maybe later things
get a little freaky.
321
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:25,092
You and the old lady in the
'cuzzi, buck naked, right?
322
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:27,298
Little Black Mamba's
ready to strike.
323
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:29,874
That camera will
catch all of it.
324
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:31,876
Nice! So, all you gotta
do, go upstairs,
325
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:35,573
clickity-clack on the computer,
beat off to the highlights.
326
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,172
Yeah.
327
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:38,978
Holler!
328
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:40,985
Holler!
329
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,451
(SIGHS)
330
00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:43,886
Do it.
No.
331
00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:45,423
Holler!
332
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,425
Are you really gonna
make me do this here?
333
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,482
Camera Guys.
334
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:49,653
BOTH: Holler!
335
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,225
Got you all tied in.
Mm-hmm.
336
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,630
Uh, just hit the space bar, the
mouse, you flash from the kitchen.
337
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:56,725
Mm-hmm?
338
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,791
Entryway.
339
00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,565
Backyard.
Living room.
340
00:13:59,872 --> 00:14:01,499
I even tied in the webcam.
Nice.
341
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,370
Yeah. Oh, I like that.
That's cool.
342
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,938
Here's something
you wanna think about.
343
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,478
You can remote access these
things from wherever you are.
344
00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:10,447
I can set that up if you want.
Just give me your pass code.
345
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,450
No. Not gonna happen.
346
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,985
Good choice.
Nice try.
347
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:15,782
But you could set that up
if you want to.
348
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,254
You're out of town
on a business trip,
349
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:18,551
you might wanna
check up on the missus,
350
00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:19,851
make sure she's safe.
351
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:21,187
Right.
352
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:22,851
Or whatever she's doing!
Yeah.
353
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,828
You know,
girls, they like to have
354
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:27,661
a girls' time when
you're out of town.
355
00:14:27,733 --> 00:14:28,859
And why wouldn't they,
you know?
356
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,526
You don't expect things like...
357
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:34,867
You know, she's spread eagle on
the floor, banging the mailman.
358
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,635
"Special delivery!"
359
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,040
Not on our bed!
360
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:40,702
(SOBS) You dirty bird!
361
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,508
In front of the dog!
Is he serious?
362
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:44,742
Oh, the dog's so upset!
363
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:46,784
I mean, you know,
364
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:49,650
you're at a security
convention in Albuquerque
365
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,350
screaming at the top of
your lungs at a Quality Inn!
366
00:14:52,424 --> 00:14:54,016
BOB:
I remember Albuquerque.
367
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:56,926
You can't scratch your way
through the camera!
368
00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:59,827
Kinda reminds me,
I gotta mail out some bills
369
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,020
before the end of the month.
370
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:03,293
Uh, it's okay, man.
It's okay.
371
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,667
Bobby, you better not
be recording.
372
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:07,391
Uh, Bobby? Yeah, I
got the whole thing.
373
00:15:07,439 --> 00:15:08,428
Don't do this shit in my house.
374
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:09,665
(LOUD CRYING)
375
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,575
It's okay. Okay.
All right. I understand.
376
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:13,669
(CRYING CONTINUES) Okay.
377
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:17,021
Why are you installing all
these security cameras anyway?
378
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,409
Uh, we may have a burglar.
379
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:19,542
Or a ghost.
380
00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:20,778
A burglar.
Ghost.
381
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:21,979
Burglar.
Ghost!
382
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:24,614
Well, it just so happens I have
my own ghost hunter reality show.
383
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:25,647
Do you wanna know
what it's called?
384
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:27,521
I got one, too.
385
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,322
Wild guess, American Ghost?
386
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,986
(IMITATES BUZZER) Wrong!
Ghost Guys.
387
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,120
Oh!
388
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:33,960
It is trademarked, so don't
get any funny ideas.
389
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,864
I definitely won't.
All right. See ya.
390
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:38,060
Yeah! You know they're
shooting porn in there.
391
00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:40,001
Really?
No way he owns it.
392
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,369
KISHA:
Malcolm, what is that?
393
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,841
Well, I paid those
camera guys all this money
394
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:49,574
and they left a big-ass
blind spot inside the hallway.
395
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:54,446
So you decided to break my fan and
rig up this ridiculous camera?
396
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:55,879
Yep.
397
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,485
Call me "Nigyver."
398
00:15:58,557 --> 00:15:59,615
Wow.
399
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,588
Cool. All right, baby. Come on.
400
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:06,426
All right.
All right.
401
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:08,758
KISHA: I'm so hungry.
MALCOLM: Me, too. Starving.
402
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,630
Okay, Rosa.
We're leaving.
403
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:12,601
Buenas tardes, senores.
Okay.
404
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:15,636
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
405
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,677
ROSA: It's crazy, right?
(CHUCKLING)
406
00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:32,888
These stupid motherfuckers
don't think I speak English!
407
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:34,892
(LAUGHS) Hmm.
408
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,428
Yo, I got a nice pool.
You want to come on down?
409
00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:39,290
Yeah, we got a Jacuzzi.
410
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,104
Que pasa?
411
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,939
(WOMAN SHRIEKS)
(ROSA SPEAKS SPANISH)
412
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,071
Ay, Dios mio!
(GUNSHOT)
413
00:16:59,151 --> 00:17:02,985
(SHOUTING IN SPANISH)
414
00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:05,181
Whoo! ¡Dios mio!
415
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:07,952
Whoo!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
416
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,517
(SQUEALS)
417
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,287
Hey, Rosa. We're back.
418
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,455
Hola!
419
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:20,199
Ah!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
420
00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:22,102
Si!
Yo tambien.
421
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:23,698
MALCOLM: I don't know
what you saying.
422
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,299
ROSA: Mm-hmm!
423
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,781
MALCOLM: Baby!
KISHA: What?
424
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,338
Look at how she's swimming.
425
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:33,145
Hey, Steve. Steve, look.
Check this out.
426
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,242
Black girl don't like
getting her hair wet.
427
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:37,451
Hey, hey, hey!
Malcolm, cut that shit out!
428
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,996
(MALCOLM, STEVE LAUGHING) Just
got my hair did. You know that.
429
00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:41,148
Don't play with me.
430
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,386
STEVE: You're looking
good over there, baby.
431
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:43,951
Hey, show us your tits.
What?
432
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,155
Show us your tits!
433
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,724
(SHRIEKS) Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no, no, no!
434
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,131
I knew she would do it.
435
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:50,828
(SHRIEKING)
436
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:52,160
You like that?
437
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,499
No, no. That was awkward.
438
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:54,971
Oh, yeah? But did you
like it a little bit?
439
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,302
They're cockeyed.
440
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,536
Yeah, I know. One's bigger
than the other one.
441
00:17:58,644 --> 00:17:59,924
That way you can
have a favorite.
442
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:01,502
Baby?
443
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,811
KISHA: No!
Whoo! (SHOUTS)
444
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:06,851
Your head's gonna get pregnant!
445
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,181
Let's do reverse.
446
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,227
Wow, man, I am loving
this camera of yours.
447
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:17,352
This is really cool.
448
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,691
Thanks, man.
Oh, boy.
449
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:21,562
I bet you're shooting all kinds of
extracurricular activities with this camera.
450
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:22,691
Actually, I'm not.
451
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:23,757
You aren't?
452
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,029
None.
You're not?
453
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,038
You know, ever since
Kisha moved in,
454
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,664
I haven't seen
no parts of the vagina.
455
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,769
No!
It's like she moved in,
456
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,435
and her vagina
moved out the same day.
457
00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:33,944
You gotta be kidding me!
Yeah.
458
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:35,445
That makes me angry.
459
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:36,845
Not as angry as
it makes my penis.
460
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,110
Well, I am angry
for your penis.
461
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:40,515
Mr. Happy is
not so happy.
462
00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,018
Oh, that's infuriating.
463
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:43,247
Yeah, man.
Yeah, man.
464
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:44,880
It makes me very upset
to hear that.
465
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,185
But you know, there is
something you can do
466
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:47,451
to spice it up if you want to.
467
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,448
Really?
Oh, yeah.
468
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:49,619
What?
469
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,219
Well, you know how, like,
470
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,025
if you get tired
of driving your car,
471
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,565
you might
test-drive a new car?
472
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:55,622
Mm-hmm.
473
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,258
Maybe you would
even let somebody else
474
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,736
drive your car for a
little while, you know?
475
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:02,830
Get a whole new appreciation of
your vehicle when you do that.
476
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:06,303
Are you talking about
swapping girlfriends?
477
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,744
What? No!
(SCOFFS) Excuse me?
478
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:10,007
(LAUGH) Oh, wow!
479
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:12,262
I don't know where you were
goin' with that! Oh, wow!
480
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:13,543
I was talking about cars!
481
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:14,677
My bad.
482
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,852
You would never do it?
483
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:18,822
I would absolutely never do it.
484
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,358
Me neither.
Me neither.
485
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:23,427
What kind of pervert does that?
486
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:24,621
That's what you
would have to be.
487
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:26,254
It takes a pervert
to swap girlfriends.
488
00:19:26,365 --> 00:19:28,560
You never have done it,
and you never would, huh?
489
00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:29,658
No, Steve.
490
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:32,465
Even if you got drunk enough
or something like that?
491
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,369
Like, you might have a few
too many drinks and say,
492
00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:35,639
"Why not?
Let's give it a try,"
493
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:38,132
if there was a couple
that was into it.
494
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:39,574
No.
No. Yeah, me neither.
495
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:40,634
That's how I feel.
496
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,078
But even, like, maybe
if you got a little high,
497
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:44,945
maybe on a Saturday night
or something like that,
498
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,348
and you were like...
499
00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:47,510
(STAMMERS) Even then.
500
00:19:47,586 --> 00:19:50,111
Yeah. Like, even if
this couple was, like,
501
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,180
up for anything
and raring to go,
502
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:56,284
and she was hot to trot,
like, a hot, hot lady.
503
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,591
It wouldn't matter.
You wouldn't do it, right?
504
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,962
Nigger, no.
505
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,627
Same here.
We're in agreement.
506
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:06,364
It's crazy to swap
girlfriends like that.
507
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:09,463
I am with you 100%.
508
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:12,072
Steve, want a beer?
509
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,270
Thank you very much.
510
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:16,007
Hey, babe, did you
tell Steve we have a ghost?
511
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:17,138
We don't have a ghost.
A ghost?
512
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,774
Yeah.
Awesome.
513
00:20:18,850 --> 00:20:19,942
I think it'd be
cool to have a ghost.
514
00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:21,007
MALCOLM:
We don't have a ghost.
515
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:22,279
No, Jenny, it's not cool.
516
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,446
We don't have a ghost.
517
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:25,547
You thought it
was cool in college.
518
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,284
We did a seance and everything!
519
00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,224
A seance?
Oh, yeah. That's right.
520
00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:30,317
You did a seance?
521
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,885
Yes.
Honey, it's college.
522
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:33,118
You do a lot of silly stuff.
523
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,189
Yeah.
524
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,290
Like that time we
got drunk and made out.
525
00:20:36,368 --> 00:20:38,461
(STEVE LAUGHS)
Oh, it's all hazy.
526
00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:39,731
You know, college,
it's like a big fog.
527
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:41,396
MALCOLM: We're gonna talk
about these college days.
528
00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:42,495
Yeah, yeah.
529
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,701
A hazy, sexy fog,
it sounds like.
530
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:47,335
Wouldn't it be great if we all
spent the night? Together?
531
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:48,470
Well, that's an
interesting idea.
532
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:49,741
What do you think
of that, Malcolm?
533
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,543
A naked sleepover?
MALCOLM: No.
534
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:52,878
No?
It's weird.
535
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,350
Yeah, but it's definitely
gonna be weird.
536
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,887
But are you saying
weird good or weird bad?
537
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,149
Weird bad, Steve.
538
00:20:58,223 --> 00:20:59,349
Okay.
539
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:01,549
All right, you guys.
It's been real.
540
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:04,527
Listen, I know a great
psychic if you need one.
541
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,620
Okay.
542
00:21:05,697 --> 00:21:06,891
He told me I'd be surrounded
543
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:10,594
by big, black spirits
in my near future.
544
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:12,863
Vaginas crossed.
545
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,372
MALCOLM: Yeah, okay.
Right? Goodbye!
546
00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:17,168
(LAUGHS) Well.
547
00:21:17,242 --> 00:21:19,403
Listen, before we go, I just wanna
talk to you about something,
548
00:21:19,511 --> 00:21:20,910
'cause Jenny's got
a birthday coming up.
549
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,002
Okay.
550
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,775
I wanna do something real
special for her, you know.
551
00:21:23,882 --> 00:21:26,043
I was thinking maybe you could
invite a couple of guys over,
552
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,710
Like your cousin Ray-Ray,
maybe?
553
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:28,878
And some of
those big, black guys
554
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,444
that he hangs out with,
you know?
555
00:21:30,555 --> 00:21:32,887
Jamal, and Hakim,
and Anforny, you know?
556
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,927
Just the six of us, right?
We'll have some fun.
557
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:38,019
We'll double stuff
the Oreo a little bit, huh?
558
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:39,796
Dirty up the white snow?
559
00:21:39,898 --> 00:21:41,365
Black poles, white holes.
560
00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:44,266
You know, maybe all pile on the
little white rabbit, right, you know?
561
00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:46,599
Are you talking
about a mandingo party?
562
00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:48,468
What? A what?
563
00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:50,302
Excuse me!
564
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:53,572
I mean, I'm really, uh, not into that.
But if you're into that...
565
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:54,771
Um, I'm...
566
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,438
Well, we might be able
to work something out
567
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:57,537
if that's what you're into.
568
00:21:57,616 --> 00:21:59,277
Hey, buddy, I mean...
Okay, bye, Steve.
569
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:00,508
Oh!
570
00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:02,177
MALCOLM: Oh, wow.
571
00:22:02,387 --> 00:22:03,411
That's beautiful.
Okay, Jenny.
572
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,512
All right. Goodbye.
573
00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:05,988
Okay, honey, come on.
Come on, honey, come in.
574
00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:07,820
You're lucky.
575
00:22:07,926 --> 00:22:09,257
She is luckier.
576
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,989
Bye, guys. Bye!
All right.
577
00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:13,964
(LAUGHS) Okay. All right.
578
00:22:14,966 --> 00:22:16,991
KISHA: I think Jenny and
Steve are swingers.
579
00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:18,592
MALCOLM:
You think? Wow.
580
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,262
This looks like
a ghetto Rite Aid.
581
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:21,567
Wrong Aid.
582
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,904
Oh, shit!
Did somebody shave a yeti?
583
00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:25,840
KISHA: Very funny.
I shaved my legs.
584
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,572
With what, a weed whacker?
585
00:22:27,646 --> 00:22:30,080
Wow. That's like
Apollo Creed's chest hairs.
586
00:22:30,148 --> 00:22:31,172
That is crazy.
587
00:22:31,783 --> 00:22:34,047
Oh! Hey!
Malcolm, come on!
588
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,485
Dude, turn that off.
Get out of here.
589
00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:38,078
You got to close this.
Stop it!
590
00:22:38,156 --> 00:22:39,680
I'm claustrophobic, okay?
591
00:22:39,791 --> 00:22:41,315
Yeah? Well,
I'm ass-trophobic.
592
00:22:41,426 --> 00:22:42,916
You know what, Malcolm?
What?
593
00:22:42,994 --> 00:22:45,519
Love it or leave it, okay?
Here. Here.
594
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:47,324
(LOUD GROANING) Take it, okay?
595
00:22:47,499 --> 00:22:48,898
It's oak-y.
(MALCOLM LAUGHING)
596
00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:51,094
It's... It's full-bodied.
597
00:22:51,937 --> 00:22:52,961
I believe it's open.
598
00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:54,130
Oh, that's...
That's nasty!
599
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,673
Mmm. The aroma.
600
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:56,866
The nastiest thing ever.
601
00:22:56,942 --> 00:22:58,102
No, Malcolm! Malcolm!
602
00:22:58,176 --> 00:22:59,643
Hey! No!
603
00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:01,372
Move your little nasty foot.
Stop it!
604
00:23:01,546 --> 00:23:03,411
Ow! Ow! Malcolm!
605
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,375
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
606
00:23:19,164 --> 00:23:21,655
Uh, Malcolm. Malcolm?
Hmm?
607
00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:23,166
The camera isn't off.
608
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:25,328
Yeah, the camera's off.
What are you talkin' about?
609
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:26,530
The light is on.
610
00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:27,697
That's the standby light.
611
00:23:27,806 --> 00:23:29,671
That's the record light.
612
00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:31,902
I don't want to be
like those stupid girls.
613
00:23:31,977 --> 00:23:34,309
Kim Kardashian with a sex tape.
614
00:23:34,379 --> 00:23:37,075
First of all, Kim Kardashian's
worth $150 million.
615
00:23:37,149 --> 00:23:39,509
Think about it, Kisha. You could
have your own reality show.
616
00:23:39,551 --> 00:23:42,213
You could have your own clothing
line, your own perfume.
617
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,880
"Stank," by Kisha.
618
00:23:44,990 --> 00:23:46,150
No.
619
00:23:46,224 --> 00:23:48,658
Your window of opportunity
is closing quickly.
620
00:23:48,727 --> 00:23:49,921
Turn it off.
621
00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:51,121
Oh, God, you are a hater.
622
00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:52,561
I'm not.
623
00:23:57,235 --> 00:24:00,398
Malcolm. You ain't slick.
That camera's still on.
624
00:24:00,505 --> 00:24:02,530
What?
(MIMICS) "What?"
625
00:24:02,707 --> 00:24:04,106
(GRUNTS) That's cheap.
626
00:24:04,543 --> 00:24:07,068
(VIDEOTAPE FAST-FORWARDING)
627
00:24:07,145 --> 00:24:09,739
(YELPS) Whoo! Whoo!
628
00:24:09,881 --> 00:24:11,872
(GRUNTS) Don't touch it.
629
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:13,508
Don't touch it.
That was crazy.
630
00:24:13,585 --> 00:24:14,711
Oh, I got a cramp.
631
00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:17,220
I told you we should
have recorded that.
632
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,223
I don't think they
make 30-second tapes.
633
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:23,421
Oh, come on. That was at least
two minutes, 15, 16 seconds.
634
00:24:23,528 --> 00:24:25,018
Whoo! That was great.
635
00:24:25,096 --> 00:24:26,859
Malcolm, you know
we have to go again, right?
636
00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:30,231
(GRUNTS) I need a halftime.
You gotta talk to the coach.
637
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:31,599
Get some new plays.
638
00:24:33,104 --> 00:24:34,093
(SNORING)
639
00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,908
Wake up.
Okay, okay.
640
00:24:36,975 --> 00:24:37,999
Come on now.
641
00:24:38,076 --> 00:24:39,202
Okay, okay.
642
00:24:39,277 --> 00:24:40,904
Woody's sore.
Mmm.
643
00:24:43,915 --> 00:24:44,973
Yeah.
644
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,142
Good morning, honey.
645
00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:49,982
Hi, baby.
Mwah.
646
00:24:50,088 --> 00:24:51,112
(GRUNTING)
647
00:24:51,189 --> 00:24:53,749
Malcolm, I told you
to turn the camera off!
648
00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:56,784
I know. I'm shit.
649
00:24:56,895 --> 00:24:59,420
But, baby, I was tearin'
it up last night. (WHOOPS)
650
00:24:59,498 --> 00:25:00,698
Oh, please.
You were all right.
651
00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:02,060
Baby, check this move.
Look at that.
652
00:25:02,133 --> 00:25:03,653
Malcolm, I need you
to erase this tape.
653
00:25:03,735 --> 00:25:05,566
I don't wanna end
up on the Internet.
654
00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:06,899
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
655
00:25:06,972 --> 00:25:08,269
Rewind the video.
656
00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:09,602
Okay.
657
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,608
Did you see that?
Uh-huh.
658
00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:12,997
See, I call that move
the Tornado.
659
00:25:13,144 --> 00:25:14,406
No, stupid!
660
00:25:14,479 --> 00:25:17,642
Look! The door, it moved.
You see?
661
00:25:17,749 --> 00:25:19,046
MALCOLM: Oh, wow.
662
00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:22,384
Well, there is a rational
explanation for all that.
663
00:25:22,454 --> 00:25:24,649
See, what happens is,
with the Tornado, right,
664
00:25:24,756 --> 00:25:27,452
the vortex in
which I move my hips,
665
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,084
especially with
a downward motion,
666
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,923
it creates that vortex.
667
00:25:30,996 --> 00:25:32,293
I'm surprised the windows
didn't blow open.
668
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:34,195
You are stupid.
Sometimes it does that.
669
00:25:34,332 --> 00:25:37,062
See, I'm working on a whole natural
disaster theme for me and you.
670
00:25:37,469 --> 00:25:39,300
We gonna start with
the Mudslide tonight.
671
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:41,498
Or the Earthquake.
Earthquake is crazy!
672
00:25:41,606 --> 00:25:45,064
'Cause I just get in and I shake up in
there, fast as I can. I just shake.
673
00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:51,978
(RUMBLING)
674
00:25:54,452 --> 00:25:56,443
(SHATTERS)
(SCREAMS)
675
00:25:56,521 --> 00:25:57,920
Malcolm!
676
00:25:57,989 --> 00:25:59,070
Malcolm, come here, please!
677
00:25:59,090 --> 00:26:00,490
Quick! What happened?
What happened?
678
00:26:00,759 --> 00:26:04,388
Okay, so the glass was on
the counter, and then it...
679
00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,724
Something knocked it off!
680
00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:08,196
How do you explain that?
681
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:09,728
Well, maybe you put it
on the edge of the counter,
682
00:26:09,801 --> 00:26:10,825
and it just slipped off.
683
00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:14,365
Last night,
it was the door, Malcolm.
684
00:26:14,472 --> 00:26:17,669
And then, this morning,
the pot was on the floor.
685
00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:20,002
Maybe it wasn't put
on the rack properly.
686
00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:22,842
All right, I'll take credit for that.
Lord knows you don't cook.
687
00:26:22,914 --> 00:26:24,541
Oh, I love you, but stop.
Be careful.
688
00:26:24,649 --> 00:26:25,741
You're gonna get
glass in your foot
689
00:26:25,817 --> 00:26:27,079
and be trackin' blood
all through the house
690
00:26:27,152 --> 00:26:28,585
Like Bruce Willis in Die Hard.
691
00:26:30,455 --> 00:26:32,286
(GROANS)
692
00:26:32,357 --> 00:26:34,882
Do you believe
me now, Malcolm? Hmm?
693
00:26:34,993 --> 00:26:38,554
Maybe it was your vortex.
694
00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:39,960
Oh, God.
695
00:26:44,736 --> 00:26:46,260
(RUMBLING)
696
00:26:46,738 --> 00:26:48,262
(VOICE SHRIEKING)
697
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:50,530
(GASPS)
698
00:26:52,944 --> 00:26:54,411
Did you hear that?
699
00:26:54,512 --> 00:26:56,036
Nope.
What?
700
00:26:56,381 --> 00:26:58,906
(LOUD RATTLING)
701
00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:00,348
What about that?
702
00:27:00,418 --> 00:27:02,249
That was just
the house settling.
703
00:27:02,354 --> 00:27:03,844
No big thing.
Just go back to sleep.
704
00:27:03,922 --> 00:27:05,890
Go back to sleep?
(SCREAMING)
705
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:08,850
(MALCOLM SCREAMING,
WHIMPERING)
706
00:27:08,927 --> 00:27:10,861
The wind?
What?
707
00:27:10,929 --> 00:27:13,090
Negro, the windows are closed!
708
00:27:13,598 --> 00:27:15,998
(SCREAMING)
Oh, hell, no! I'm out!
709
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:17,159
What? Malcolm!
710
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:18,997
(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING)
711
00:27:19,070 --> 00:27:20,128
Malcolm!
712
00:27:21,740 --> 00:27:24,538
(HIGH-PITCHED
SCREAMING CONTINUES)
713
00:27:25,944 --> 00:27:28,378
(SCREAMING GROWS DISTANT)
714
00:27:29,714 --> 00:27:31,579
(DOOR SLAMS) Really?
715
00:27:32,450 --> 00:27:33,508
Oh, hell, no.
716
00:27:33,585 --> 00:27:36,145
Malcolm, what are you doing?
717
00:27:36,221 --> 00:27:39,247
Bitch, there is a ghost
in the house. I'm out.
718
00:27:39,324 --> 00:27:40,416
You can't leave.
719
00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:41,516
You watch me.
720
00:27:41,593 --> 00:27:42,958
(ENGINE STARTS)
721
00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:44,186
Deuces.
722
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:47,692
Malcolm!
723
00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:53,470
You all right?
Who am I kidding?
724
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,169
I can't sell a house
in this market.
725
00:27:58,109 --> 00:27:59,542
"Immediate possession."
726
00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:00,736
(HYSTERICAL LAUGHING)
727
00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:02,107
It's already possessed!
728
00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:09,987
Hi, Chip. I'm Kisha. Hi.
729
00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:11,521
Hi, I'm Chip the Psychic.
730
00:28:11,589 --> 00:28:12,613
Come on in.
731
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:14,682
Nice. Nice.
732
00:28:16,628 --> 00:28:18,118
Oh!
733
00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:21,825
And you...
You must be Malcolm.
734
00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:24,297
Mmm, yeah. That's pretty good.
How did you know?
735
00:28:24,369 --> 00:28:25,393
Uh, psychic.
736
00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:26,664
(LAUGHS) See?
737
00:28:26,771 --> 00:28:29,331
I have a lot of powers
all over my body.
738
00:28:29,441 --> 00:28:32,035
Do you... You play basketball,
probably, a little bit, right?
739
00:28:32,143 --> 00:28:33,701
No, not really.
You don't?
740
00:28:33,778 --> 00:28:35,473
No. Well, you got
the body for it.
741
00:28:36,047 --> 00:28:37,776
You're lucky.
742
00:28:37,849 --> 00:28:39,282
You're a lucky, lucky lady.
743
00:28:39,651 --> 00:28:41,812
I'm gonna ask you
some questions.
744
00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:45,014
You know, nothing cray.
Just real simple stuff.
745
00:28:45,123 --> 00:28:46,613
Okay, how long have you
guys been together?
746
00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:47,715
Two years.
Yes.
747
00:28:47,826 --> 00:28:49,521
Okay, Malcolm, are you happy?
Yes.
748
00:28:49,627 --> 00:28:50,907
Do you like living with her?
Yes.
749
00:28:50,995 --> 00:28:52,462
Have you been with a man? No.
750
00:28:52,530 --> 00:28:54,191
Did you have a good Halloween?
Yes.
751
00:28:54,265 --> 00:28:55,664
Did you have a good Christmas?
Yes.
752
00:28:55,734 --> 00:28:57,031
Do you like movies?
Yeah.
753
00:28:57,102 --> 00:28:58,126
Have you been with a man?
754
00:28:58,203 --> 00:28:59,602
Yeah...
No. What? No!
755
00:28:59,671 --> 00:29:01,138
Did you have a good Easter? Yes.
756
00:29:01,206 --> 00:29:02,571
Do you like booze?
Yes.
757
00:29:02,674 --> 00:29:04,073
Do you eat food every day? Yes.
758
00:29:04,175 --> 00:29:05,175
Have you been with a man?
759
00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:06,301
Yes. No, no!
760
00:29:06,377 --> 00:29:07,810
I've never been with a man.
761
00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:09,904
Okay, I'm just asking 'cause I'm
just trying to get to know you.
762
00:29:09,981 --> 00:29:12,211
I've never been with a man.
I've never been with a man.
763
00:29:12,317 --> 00:29:14,080
I've never been with a man.
Would you stop being so...
764
00:29:14,185 --> 00:29:15,225
I've never been with a man!
765
00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:16,242
Okay!
766
00:29:16,321 --> 00:29:17,721
You don't have to
be loud and angry.
767
00:29:17,789 --> 00:29:18,870
I've never been with a man!
768
00:29:18,890 --> 00:29:20,414
He keeps asking me if
I've been with a man!
769
00:29:20,525 --> 00:29:21,606
I've never been with a man!
770
00:29:21,626 --> 00:29:22,615
Okay.
771
00:29:22,694 --> 00:29:24,355
I'm trying to get to know you.
Have you been with a man?
772
00:29:24,496 --> 00:29:25,736
I sleep on this
side of the bed.
773
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:26,753
Right.
774
00:29:26,831 --> 00:29:28,662
She sleeps there.
Ick.
775
00:29:28,733 --> 00:29:31,327
And, you know, we keep
the camera right there.
776
00:29:31,402 --> 00:29:34,735
And one night, we saw the
door kind of just, like...
777
00:29:34,839 --> 00:29:35,863
(IMITATES DOOR CREAKING)
778
00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,033
Oh, wow. So there was
some paranormal over there.
779
00:29:38,109 --> 00:29:39,872
No, she thinks it's paranormal,
780
00:29:39,944 --> 00:29:42,037
and I think it's
'cause of the Tornado.
781
00:29:42,113 --> 00:29:43,740
'Cause I created a vortex.
782
00:29:43,815 --> 00:29:45,407
What does that mean?
783
00:29:45,517 --> 00:29:47,348
We was havin' sex,
and I was hittin' it.
784
00:29:47,418 --> 00:29:48,715
I was like...
(GROWLING)
785
00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:51,955
I was doing this round,
and I think the...
786
00:29:52,056 --> 00:29:54,115
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey.
787
00:29:54,225 --> 00:29:56,159
Hey, you okay?
Yeah, sorry.
788
00:29:56,227 --> 00:29:57,216
You all right?
789
00:29:57,295 --> 00:29:58,319
I got light-headed
there for a second.
790
00:29:58,396 --> 00:30:00,023
Okay. All right.
Yeah, no, I'm good.
791
00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:02,692
Check out the door.
You know what?
792
00:30:02,767 --> 00:30:04,167
There is some dark
energy over here.
793
00:30:04,235 --> 00:30:05,224
Really?
794
00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:07,203
Yeah. Wow, that's crazy.
795
00:30:07,272 --> 00:30:09,570
MALCOLM: I didn't even... Oh!
796
00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:10,699
We got a ghost.
797
00:30:10,775 --> 00:30:11,799
Oh, my God, it's got me!
798
00:30:11,910 --> 00:30:14,538
It's got me! (SCREAMS)
It's got me!
799
00:30:14,612 --> 00:30:16,477
It's got me!
Help! Help!
800
00:30:16,581 --> 00:30:18,572
Hey, man!
Get off of me!
801
00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,551
Oh, man!
Get off of me.
802
00:30:21,619 --> 00:30:23,587
What are you doing?
803
00:30:23,655 --> 00:30:25,623
I don't know
what just happened.
804
00:30:25,723 --> 00:30:26,815
That was so scary.
805
00:30:27,292 --> 00:30:29,817
Okay, you guys. This is a
simple channeling exercise.
806
00:30:29,928 --> 00:30:31,293
Okay.
807
00:30:31,396 --> 00:30:33,455
This is creepy.
Shh.
808
00:30:33,531 --> 00:30:36,557
All right, Kisha, now just breathe.
Relax.
809
00:30:36,634 --> 00:30:38,966
Do you feel anything?
810
00:30:39,070 --> 00:30:40,560
No, not really.
811
00:30:40,638 --> 00:30:42,629
What about you, Malcolm?
812
00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:45,566
Just your dick in my back.
813
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:49,002
Well, that's a start.
814
00:30:50,315 --> 00:30:53,079
Now, there are two kinds
of paranormal entities.
815
00:30:53,151 --> 00:30:56,245
I specialize in the good ones.
816
00:30:56,321 --> 00:30:58,755
Okay, yeah, like
Casper the Friendly Ghost.
817
00:30:58,890 --> 00:31:01,188
Oh!
Yeah, he's fun.
818
00:31:01,259 --> 00:31:03,625
And also Patrick Swayze
from Ghost.
819
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:05,458
(GASPS) I love that movie.
820
00:31:05,530 --> 00:31:07,623
Yes, that one was
really moving.
821
00:31:07,699 --> 00:31:10,224
Especially with the clay, and
he'd work the clay and just...
822
00:31:10,435 --> 00:31:12,733
(SPITS) And he just
fuckin' has it, and...
823
00:31:13,438 --> 00:31:16,305
Demons, though, are bad.
824
00:31:17,041 --> 00:31:19,532
Those are pure,
pure, pure evil.
825
00:31:19,644 --> 00:31:22,841
And they will pop up
at the worst possible times.
826
00:31:22,947 --> 00:31:24,938
You know, like herpes.
827
00:31:28,319 --> 00:31:29,650
What?
828
00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:31,313
What are you looking at me for?
829
00:31:32,657 --> 00:31:36,286
All I'm saying is,
do not aggravate a demon.
830
00:31:36,361 --> 00:31:37,794
Do not try to contact them,
831
00:31:37,862 --> 00:31:41,195
and whatever you do,
do not film them.
832
00:31:41,466 --> 00:31:42,763
That will only
make things worse.
833
00:31:42,834 --> 00:31:44,995
See? Don't film demons.
834
00:31:45,069 --> 00:31:46,866
Very bad.
Okay.
835
00:31:48,506 --> 00:31:49,905
Well, thanks a lot
for coming out, man.
836
00:31:50,008 --> 00:31:51,809
Is there anything you
wanna get off your chest?
837
00:31:51,843 --> 00:31:53,003
No, I'm good.
838
00:31:53,077 --> 00:31:54,635
Is there anything you
want to put on my chest?
839
00:31:54,779 --> 00:31:56,179
Huh? Wait'll you see
the clay scene.
840
00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:57,544
Wait, wait. Uh...
841
00:31:59,250 --> 00:32:00,649
I have a confession to make.
842
00:32:00,718 --> 00:32:02,185
Yep, herpes!
I knew it.
843
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,686
Oh! Ick!
No, I don't!
844
00:32:05,023 --> 00:32:08,015
But did I mention that I made
a deal with the devil
845
00:32:08,092 --> 00:32:10,060
for a pair of
really cool Louboutins?
846
00:32:10,161 --> 00:32:12,891
You made a deal with the
devil for a pair of shoes?
847
00:32:12,997 --> 00:32:15,932
Not shoes, Malcolm!
Louboutins, okay?
848
00:32:16,034 --> 00:32:19,333
They've got red soles,
and they make my calves pop!
849
00:32:19,404 --> 00:32:21,338
(GROWLS)
850
00:32:21,406 --> 00:32:23,840
Well, I really
needed them, okay?
851
00:32:23,908 --> 00:32:28,140
You are screwed, sista,
852
00:32:28,212 --> 00:32:29,577
with an "A."
853
00:32:29,681 --> 00:32:33,515
This demon is not leaving this
house until it gets what it wants.
854
00:32:33,584 --> 00:32:35,347
What's that?
855
00:32:35,420 --> 00:32:36,910
Kisha.
856
00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:39,788
You're fine, Malcolm.
857
00:32:39,857 --> 00:32:42,155
Like, you're free to
be whoever you want.
858
00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:43,484
It's a five-man
wrestling league.
859
00:32:43,561 --> 00:32:44,550
I'm good.
860
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:45,653
It's so fun.
861
00:32:45,730 --> 00:32:46,851
I bet it is.
It's not for me.
862
00:32:46,864 --> 00:32:48,229
And everyone's really good.
Really?
863
00:32:48,299 --> 00:32:49,561
Yeah, no, but it's competitive.
864
00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:51,295
It's something that...
865
00:32:52,236 --> 00:32:54,534
Oh, my God.
I'm getting mind powers.
866
00:32:54,605 --> 00:32:56,596
Okay. All right.
I'm getting mind powers.
867
00:32:56,708 --> 00:33:02,237
(SIGHS) Malcolm, (GASPS) something
is going to happen to you
868
00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:04,747
that is going to change you.
869
00:33:05,650 --> 00:33:06,742
Don't fight it.
870
00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:08,258
Whatever it is,
don't fight it, okay?
871
00:33:08,319 --> 00:33:10,310
Okay, I won't. I won't.
I can save you.
872
00:33:10,388 --> 00:33:12,117
It's five guys.
We wrestle on Monday.
873
00:33:12,223 --> 00:33:13,247
Okay.
874
00:33:13,324 --> 00:33:15,087
I can save you.
No, thank you.
875
00:33:15,159 --> 00:33:16,649
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Save you!
876
00:33:16,761 --> 00:33:17,785
God.
877
00:33:17,862 --> 00:33:19,386
I think that went well.
878
00:33:19,464 --> 00:33:21,261
We need to talk.
879
00:33:21,332 --> 00:33:22,094
A demon, Kisha?
880
00:33:22,533 --> 00:33:24,626
I'm sorry, Malcolm.
881
00:33:24,736 --> 00:33:27,261
Why... Why didn't you tell me
this, like, on the first date?
882
00:33:27,338 --> 00:33:29,431
Because you never would have
gone out with me again.
883
00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,168
Exactly!
884
00:33:31,642 --> 00:33:34,076
How long has this
been happening to you?
885
00:33:34,145 --> 00:33:35,806
Since I was a little kid.
886
00:33:35,913 --> 00:33:37,972
What the shit is this?
887
00:33:38,883 --> 00:33:40,403
MALCOLM: And you say
I tape everything.
888
00:33:40,818 --> 00:33:42,445
Mm. Mm-mm-mm.
889
00:33:45,123 --> 00:33:46,317
(BLOWS)
890
00:33:50,128 --> 00:33:53,393
Happy birthday, Kisha.
Mama loves you.
891
00:33:53,831 --> 00:33:55,992
Ooh! To think you
almost didn't make it.
892
00:33:56,067 --> 00:33:58,035
But good thing
that clinic was closed.
893
00:33:58,169 --> 00:34:00,501
Ooh! God is good
all the time.
894
00:34:00,738 --> 00:34:03,502
You are eight years old.
Enjoy your birthday.
895
00:34:03,708 --> 00:34:06,541
Sooner or later, you're gonna
come home from school one day.
896
00:34:06,644 --> 00:34:08,164
"Where's stepdaddy?
Where's stepdaddy?"
897
00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:10,180
And I'm gonna be gone.
898
00:34:11,182 --> 00:34:14,049
Happy birthday, Kisha.
Make a wish.
899
00:34:14,152 --> 00:34:15,312
Sit right there.
All right.
900
00:34:15,386 --> 00:34:16,410
Happy birthday to me.
901
00:34:16,521 --> 00:34:19,081
I wish Tony can
stay with me forever.
902
00:34:19,223 --> 00:34:20,383
Who is Tony?
903
00:34:20,491 --> 00:34:22,186
Who is Tony, baby?
He's my friend.
904
00:34:22,260 --> 00:34:23,581
If you have friends,
they'd all be
905
00:34:23,628 --> 00:34:25,425
gathered around here
drinking beer,
906
00:34:25,530 --> 00:34:27,088
smoking cigarettes,
having a good time,
907
00:34:27,198 --> 00:34:28,597
gambling, playing
cards and stuff.
908
00:34:28,699 --> 00:34:29,893
She talking about
her invisible friend.
909
00:34:29,967 --> 00:34:31,332
I guess we should
be nice about it.
910
00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:33,233
You gonna blow it out? Or you
just gonna look at us crazy?
911
00:34:33,438 --> 00:34:34,837
Dang.
She ain't all there.
912
00:34:34,906 --> 00:34:36,032
Why is she looking
at me like that?
913
00:34:36,107 --> 00:34:38,075
Lookin' all crazy.
You crazy.
914
00:34:38,176 --> 00:34:41,509
Look, look, look, look, look.
She got a lazy eye.
915
00:34:41,612 --> 00:34:42,636
(LAUGHING)
916
00:34:42,713 --> 00:34:43,753
Blow them damn candles out.
917
00:34:43,781 --> 00:34:45,442
Blow 'em out. I wanna get her
blowing out the candles.
918
00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:47,518
I know what I'm doing, woman.
Do not yell at me.
919
00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:48,950
Blow out the candles, baby.
920
00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:51,180
(RUMBLING) Tony, no!
921
00:34:53,024 --> 00:34:55,117
You wanna throw cake
on my brand-new Betamax?
922
00:34:55,226 --> 00:34:57,194
You must be crazy!
923
00:34:57,628 --> 00:34:59,152
Ow! It wasn't me.
It was Tony.
924
00:34:59,230 --> 00:35:01,357
I'm-a beat the Tony
out of you then.
925
00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,594
Ah, ah, ah.
Lamar, not so hard.
926
00:35:03,668 --> 00:35:04,794
You're gonna
break your new belt.
927
00:35:04,902 --> 00:35:05,926
This is how you
beat a stepchild.
928
00:35:06,037 --> 00:35:07,527
I won't beat my
own kids like this.
929
00:35:07,672 --> 00:35:09,264
(GRUNTS) I know that's right.
930
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,412
Anything else
you wanna tell me?
931
00:35:18,649 --> 00:35:19,809
Well,
932
00:35:20,151 --> 00:35:21,345
about the herpes.
933
00:35:22,386 --> 00:35:24,251
Baby, what are you doing?
Huh?
934
00:35:24,322 --> 00:35:27,120
Oh, nothing. I'm just...
Just cleaning, that's all.
935
00:35:27,225 --> 00:35:29,056
You ever get that
not-so-fresh feeling?
936
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:30,218
Seriously, Malcolm?
937
00:35:30,294 --> 00:35:32,626
Seriously, we're gonna
have to talk about your lies.
938
00:35:33,131 --> 00:35:34,723
Oh, that's fizzing.
It's fizzing.
939
00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:36,058
It's herpes, Kisha.
940
00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:38,932
This ain't a cold sore, Kisha.
This is the real thing.
941
00:35:40,004 --> 00:35:42,234
Ah! You did this to me.
942
00:35:42,773 --> 00:35:45,241
Get a match!
Get the goddamn match!
943
00:35:46,577 --> 00:35:49,637
(SCREAMS)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
944
00:35:49,747 --> 00:35:51,180
That hurt. Whoa!
945
00:35:56,654 --> 00:35:58,451
(RUMBLING)
946
00:36:19,977 --> 00:36:21,808
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
947
00:36:42,300 --> 00:36:43,733
(MUSIC STOPS)
948
00:36:49,507 --> 00:36:50,997
What the hell?
949
00:36:51,175 --> 00:36:52,403
What happened?
950
00:36:53,511 --> 00:36:55,479
(GRUNTS) Did...
951
00:36:55,546 --> 00:36:57,411
What'd you slap me for?
952
00:36:57,515 --> 00:36:59,005
Was I snoring?
953
00:36:59,417 --> 00:37:00,577
Kisha!
954
00:37:01,152 --> 00:37:02,312
Kisha!
955
00:37:03,921 --> 00:37:04,979
The hell?
956
00:37:05,890 --> 00:37:07,050
Kisha.
957
00:37:07,858 --> 00:37:08,916
Kisha.
958
00:37:09,026 --> 00:37:10,516
What the hell?
959
00:37:11,162 --> 00:37:12,151
Kisha.
960
00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,428
Oh, shit!
Kisha, what the...
961
00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:18,735
Kisha, what are you doing?
962
00:37:19,770 --> 00:37:22,261
What? Oh, that is gross.
963
00:37:22,740 --> 00:37:24,765
Wait! No, baby, that
milk is three weeks old.
964
00:37:25,042 --> 00:37:29,775
(GROANS) Oh! Baby.
Baby, what are you doing?
965
00:37:32,283 --> 00:37:35,548
I'll run to the store.
We're out of milk.
966
00:37:36,220 --> 00:37:37,860
I'll be right back.
No, no, you... No, no.
967
00:37:37,922 --> 00:37:39,184
Give me that.
(SCREAMS)
968
00:37:39,657 --> 00:37:41,284
(LAUGHING)
969
00:37:41,525 --> 00:37:43,015
Honey, honey.
970
00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:45,062
Where do you keep the Pepto?
Oh, man.
971
00:37:45,129 --> 00:37:47,188
Where do you keep the Pepto?
My stomach hurts.
972
00:37:47,331 --> 00:37:49,196
(SCREAMS) What are you doing?
973
00:37:49,867 --> 00:37:51,528
I'm looking at
the tape from last night.
974
00:37:51,602 --> 00:37:52,694
(KISHA SOBBING)
975
00:37:52,803 --> 00:37:54,202
Honey, you make me feel good.
976
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:57,070
Okay. Maybe some sleep
will make you feel good.
977
00:37:57,475 --> 00:37:58,874
Oh, my God.
978
00:37:59,443 --> 00:38:02,378
I don't remember doing any of this.
What am I doing?
979
00:38:02,446 --> 00:38:04,812
Acting like a freak.
This is crazy.
980
00:38:05,149 --> 00:38:06,912
Wait, look at this.
Check this out.
981
00:38:07,051 --> 00:38:09,576
Something weird...
Weird-weird-weird is going on.
982
00:38:09,754 --> 00:38:10,982
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
983
00:38:11,589 --> 00:38:14,251
Something weird is going on.
984
00:38:14,825 --> 00:38:16,759
Meow. Honey, you
make me feel good.
985
00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:19,589
(SCREAMS) Weird is going on.
986
00:38:19,664 --> 00:38:21,632
Weird is going on.
Weird-weird-weird is going on.
987
00:38:21,732 --> 00:38:22,756
Whoo!
988
00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:24,834
Weird-weird-weird-weird
is going on.
989
00:38:24,935 --> 00:38:27,426
I'm a scary ghost!
990
00:38:27,605 --> 00:38:29,300
(GRUNTS)
991
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:30,464
(SCREAMS)
992
00:38:30,741 --> 00:38:31,730
(GROANS)
993
00:38:32,143 --> 00:38:33,167
I can't breathe.
994
00:38:33,611 --> 00:38:35,238
(LAUGHS) Baby, you mad?
995
00:38:35,546 --> 00:38:36,535
Baby.
996
00:38:37,081 --> 00:38:38,480
(LAUGHS)
997
00:38:39,016 --> 00:38:40,278
Malcolm!
998
00:38:41,185 --> 00:38:42,675
It's not a joke!
999
00:38:42,787 --> 00:38:46,086
Come on. I'm just trying to
make light of a bad situation.
1000
00:38:46,157 --> 00:38:48,250
Bad situation? So, what,
now you're referring
1001
00:38:48,326 --> 00:38:50,294
to my moving in
as a bad situation?
1002
00:38:50,361 --> 00:38:52,795
I didn't have a demon in my
house till you moved in.
1003
00:38:52,863 --> 00:38:55,491
What happened to, "You're living with me now.
I'll protect you"?
1004
00:38:55,599 --> 00:38:57,692
From a burglar, not a ghost!
1005
00:38:58,135 --> 00:38:59,466
You know what?
I ain't listening to this.
1006
00:38:59,537 --> 00:39:01,767
Where do you
think you're going?
1007
00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:03,033
Out.
1008
00:39:03,374 --> 00:39:07,140
Oh, okay! So you're just
gonna leave me here alone?
1009
00:39:07,445 --> 00:39:08,469
Malcolm!
(DOOR CLOSES)
1010
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:23,054
(LOUD CLANGING)
(GASPS)
1011
00:39:23,127 --> 00:39:25,823
(HEAVY THUDDING)
1012
00:39:30,468 --> 00:39:32,026
(CLANGS)
(SCREAMS)
1013
00:39:37,308 --> 00:39:38,639
(SHATTERING)
(SCREAMS)
1014
00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:43,638
(GROWLING)
1015
00:39:47,818 --> 00:39:48,910
(KISHA SCREAMS)
1016
00:39:48,986 --> 00:39:49,975
Malcolm!
1017
00:39:50,054 --> 00:39:51,655
Okay, I'm coming,
I'm coming, I'm coming!
1018
00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:52,746
What, what, what, what?
1019
00:39:52,823 --> 00:39:53,812
Look at this!
1020
00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:56,254
Oh, wow. What the...
1021
00:39:57,261 --> 00:39:58,922
KISHA: Oh, Daddy!
1022
00:39:59,497 --> 00:40:00,828
(WHIMPERS)
1023
00:40:01,265 --> 00:40:02,527
Malcolm!
1024
00:40:03,401 --> 00:40:04,834
Oh, shit.
1025
00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:07,393
What kind of monster
would do this?
1026
00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:09,497
Uh, uh, baby, you were right.
1027
00:40:09,740 --> 00:40:12,004
Listen, there is an evil
spirit in this house.
1028
00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:13,600
I believe you.
I was so dumb.
1029
00:40:13,711 --> 00:40:14,837
I can't believe
I didn't believe.
1030
00:40:14,912 --> 00:40:17,540
Oh, shit. I feel it. Oh, my God.
It's right there.
1031
00:40:17,615 --> 00:40:19,105
You feel that?
Feel it, feel it, feel it.
1032
00:40:19,216 --> 00:40:21,047
It's cold, right? Oh, my God!
(GASPS)
1033
00:40:21,118 --> 00:40:23,678
Baby, we have to get rid of
this menace once and for all.
1034
00:40:23,754 --> 00:40:25,244
Ooh! The tape!
We can watch the tape.
1035
00:40:25,356 --> 00:40:27,221
Wait, no! No, no, no.
Don't watch the tape.
1036
00:40:27,291 --> 00:40:28,622
Don't watch the tape.
What?
1037
00:40:28,726 --> 00:40:30,921
Because it's just me
and you against him.
1038
00:40:31,028 --> 00:40:34,862
You evil spirit!
You leave this house alone!
1039
00:40:35,099 --> 00:40:36,259
Now!
1040
00:40:36,634 --> 00:40:38,534
You hear me?
You get out!
1041
00:40:38,602 --> 00:40:40,229
Get out, demon.
Get out!
1042
00:40:40,304 --> 00:40:41,862
Get out, get out, get out!
1043
00:40:42,373 --> 00:40:43,362
See, I believe you.
No.
1044
00:40:43,707 --> 00:40:45,299
I need you to shut up
once and for all.
1045
00:40:45,376 --> 00:40:47,276
Let's watch the tape.
I am shutting up! God!
1046
00:40:54,752 --> 00:40:56,379
(GROANS)
Mm-hmm.
1047
00:40:56,554 --> 00:40:57,714
(SUCKS TEETH)
1048
00:40:57,788 --> 00:40:59,312
Hi, Daddy.
1049
00:40:59,657 --> 00:41:02,626
You want to come in here
and move in on my house? Huh?
1050
00:41:03,994 --> 00:41:06,986
You like haunting people, huh?
I ain't scared of you.
1051
00:41:07,097 --> 00:41:08,121
Uh, baby? Um...
1052
00:41:08,232 --> 00:41:09,256
Fuck you, and fuck your daddy!
1053
00:41:09,333 --> 00:41:10,493
This is disturbing.
You don't want to see it.
1054
00:41:10,601 --> 00:41:11,932
I will break your arm.
1055
00:41:12,303 --> 00:41:13,998
You wanna watch TV?
1056
00:41:15,573 --> 00:41:16,699
Wow!
1057
00:41:16,807 --> 00:41:19,037
(MOCK CRYING)
Oh. Oh, my.
1058
00:41:21,245 --> 00:41:22,337
(GASPS)
1059
00:41:22,446 --> 00:41:23,879
See, that hurt. Lookee.
1060
00:41:23,948 --> 00:41:25,708
I got a boo-boo, baby, right...
I don't care.
1061
00:41:26,183 --> 00:41:27,514
(GRUNTING)
1062
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:30,446
(PLOPS)
(SIGHS)
1063
00:41:30,621 --> 00:41:31,645
Oh!
1064
00:41:32,990 --> 00:41:35,788
On my father's ashes!
Really?
1065
00:41:36,260 --> 00:41:38,820
You think you the shit?
I'll show you the shit.
1066
00:41:39,330 --> 00:41:41,457
Nasty! That is so nasty.
1067
00:41:41,532 --> 00:41:42,521
I will...
1068
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:43,658
On the floor? Really?
1069
00:41:43,767 --> 00:41:46,429
So, what did you do, wipe
your ass with the curtains?
1070
00:41:51,175 --> 00:41:52,699
Baby, you didn't like
the curtains anyway.
1071
00:41:52,810 --> 00:41:54,300
You're an animal.
We'll get new curtains.
1072
00:41:54,378 --> 00:41:55,504
It's just curtains.
1073
00:41:55,613 --> 00:41:58,138
I'd be an animal if I
didn't wipe at all. Baby!
1074
00:41:58,516 --> 00:42:00,177
This isn't gonna prove any...
Yes, it is!
1075
00:42:01,352 --> 00:42:03,877
I swear that I
will listen to Kisha
1076
00:42:03,988 --> 00:42:07,151
whenever she says strange things
are going on in the house.
1077
00:42:07,491 --> 00:42:08,549
And?
1078
00:42:08,659 --> 00:42:10,024
And... (SIGHS)
1079
00:42:10,561 --> 00:42:14,895
And I swear that I won't
antagonize the ghost anymore.
1080
00:42:14,999 --> 00:42:17,490
Even though I didn't
bring him in the house.
1081
00:42:17,835 --> 00:42:18,893
And?
1082
00:42:19,670 --> 00:42:22,366
And I swear that
Kisha is the prettiest
1083
00:42:22,473 --> 00:42:24,839
and the sexiest girl for never.
1084
00:42:26,143 --> 00:42:27,167
And?
1085
00:42:27,244 --> 00:42:29,269
And I promise I won't shit
in your daddy's ashes.
1086
00:42:29,346 --> 00:42:30,370
Louder!
1087
00:42:30,447 --> 00:42:31,505
I promise I won't shit
1088
00:42:31,582 --> 00:42:34,346
on Kisha's daddy's ashes
ever again.
1089
00:42:35,085 --> 00:42:36,416
Happy?
Yes.
1090
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:38,181
Can I have my video game back now?
No!
1091
00:42:39,590 --> 00:42:40,716
See, man?
1092
00:42:42,826 --> 00:42:44,418
Why are you putting
powder on the floor?
1093
00:42:44,528 --> 00:42:47,395
See, the powder is gonna
let me see his footprints.
1094
00:42:47,698 --> 00:42:49,893
And you think
this is gonna work.
1095
00:42:49,967 --> 00:42:51,491
It did on Scooby-Doo.
1096
00:42:52,736 --> 00:42:54,567
(THUDDING)
1097
00:42:59,343 --> 00:43:01,709
(DOOR CREAKING, CLOSES)
1098
00:43:01,879 --> 00:43:03,540
Malcolm, did you hear that?
1099
00:43:03,647 --> 00:43:04,773
Mm-hmm.
1100
00:43:04,949 --> 00:43:07,679
Then why are you
pretending to be asleep?
1101
00:43:07,885 --> 00:43:08,943
'Cause I know if I'm up,
1102
00:43:09,053 --> 00:43:10,042
you're gonna make me
go check out
1103
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,281
where them scary-ass
noises are coming from.
1104
00:43:12,723 --> 00:43:14,691
(IMITATES SNORING)
Get your black ass up.
1105
00:43:15,225 --> 00:43:16,522
See, man?
1106
00:43:22,032 --> 00:43:23,192
Kisha.
1107
00:43:24,368 --> 00:43:26,408
(WHISPERING) Camera. Get the camera.
Get the camera.
1108
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,068
Whose plan was
stupid now, Kisha? Hmm?
1109
00:43:32,309 --> 00:43:34,140
Pass me a bat.
A bat?
1110
00:43:34,244 --> 00:43:35,565
You're gonna use
a bat on a ghost?
1111
00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:37,877
I'm sorry. I left my
proton pack in the car.
1112
00:43:37,948 --> 00:43:38,937
Pass me the bat.
1113
00:43:39,116 --> 00:43:41,277
This ghost's got
some ugly-ass feet.
1114
00:43:41,385 --> 00:43:42,613
Looks more like an alien.
1115
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:44,412
(THUDDING)
1116
00:43:44,488 --> 00:43:46,089
I don't wanna do it.
I don't wanna do it.
1117
00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:47,985
I can't do it. I can't do it.
What?
1118
00:43:48,058 --> 00:43:49,286
Malcolm!
No, this... No.
1119
00:43:49,393 --> 00:43:50,655
This ain't what we do.
1120
00:43:50,761 --> 00:43:52,251
This is for white people.
Will you grow some balls!
1121
00:43:52,329 --> 00:43:54,991
This is for white people.
This ain't what niggers do.
1122
00:43:55,065 --> 00:43:57,761
We don't investigate.
We run. We run, we live.
1123
00:43:57,835 --> 00:43:59,632
If we was in a movie theater,
some black woman be screaming,
1124
00:43:59,737 --> 00:44:01,637
"Don't do it!
Don't do it, boy!"
1125
00:44:01,739 --> 00:44:03,536
"He behind there.
He in there."
1126
00:44:03,607 --> 00:44:06,075
If we know he's in there, why
the fuck are we going in there?
1127
00:44:06,310 --> 00:44:07,334
Come on, baby.
1128
00:44:07,411 --> 00:44:09,276
(WHIMPERING)
I don't want to do it.
1129
00:44:09,346 --> 00:44:11,246
Stop it.
What if it bites me?
1130
00:44:11,315 --> 00:44:13,340
It's not a zombie.
It's a ghost.
1131
00:44:13,450 --> 00:44:15,179
You wanna play?
That's right!
1132
00:44:15,285 --> 00:44:17,276
You hurt my mother.
You killed my mother.
1133
00:44:17,354 --> 00:44:18,616
That's right!
1134
00:44:18,689 --> 00:44:20,350
That's not helping.
It's not helping none.
1135
00:44:20,691 --> 00:44:22,249
You got this. Go.
(INHALES)
1136
00:44:22,626 --> 00:44:23,957
(SCREAMS)
1137
00:44:24,094 --> 00:44:25,655
You want some of this?
This is how we...
1138
00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:26,823
Get him!
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
1139
00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:28,491
Bust your...
Whoop that ghost's ass!
1140
00:44:28,565 --> 00:44:31,625
Turn on the lights!
Oh, my God! Rosa?
1141
00:44:31,702 --> 00:44:32,999
(GASPING)
Rosa? Rosa! Rosa!
1142
00:44:33,070 --> 00:44:34,799
Si, senor! Que pasa?
1143
00:44:34,872 --> 00:44:37,102
Oh, my... I'm so sorry.
I thought you...
1144
00:44:37,174 --> 00:44:39,938
I... I didn't know.
I thought you was a ghost.
1145
00:44:40,010 --> 00:44:41,477
(COUGHS) Ghost?
KISHA: Or an alien.
1146
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:46,275
KISHA: I was talking about your feet,
not your citizenship or lack thereof.
1147
00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:47,408
I quit.
1148
00:44:47,484 --> 00:44:48,883
See? Give me the camera!
1149
00:44:48,986 --> 00:44:50,010
Go fix this.
1150
00:44:50,087 --> 00:44:51,179
No! I'm not fixing nothing!
1151
00:44:51,288 --> 00:44:53,449
Oh, can't believe Rosa quit.
1152
00:44:54,425 --> 00:44:57,883
Yeah, well, you know, this
is stressful on all of us.
1153
00:44:58,829 --> 00:45:01,525
I think I might have a little
something to help alleviate
1154
00:45:01,598 --> 00:45:02,929
some of that stress.
1155
00:45:03,100 --> 00:45:04,294
(REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING)
1156
00:45:04,368 --> 00:45:06,199
Take it. You hit it.
Yeah?
1157
00:45:06,303 --> 00:45:09,136
Now you gonna go spit up
the end and shit. (COUGHS)
1158
00:45:09,206 --> 00:45:10,400
Hold it, hold it.
1159
00:45:11,809 --> 00:45:12,969
(BLOWS)
1160
00:45:14,144 --> 00:45:16,374
Damn!
1161
00:45:16,780 --> 00:45:19,374
Yay! Bravo.
Encore, encore.
1162
00:45:20,017 --> 00:45:21,985
I see a face in the chip.
1163
00:45:22,252 --> 00:45:24,015
(GIGGLES) It's got a mustache.
1164
00:45:24,088 --> 00:45:25,316
You're not moving...
Never get high.
1165
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:27,254
...fast enough, Malcolm.
Never get high
1166
00:45:27,324 --> 00:45:29,044
with people that don't
know how to get high.
1167
00:45:29,393 --> 00:45:30,724
I'm baked.
(INHALES)
1168
00:45:33,597 --> 00:45:36,225
(SPRINGS CREAKING)
1169
00:45:44,007 --> 00:45:46,669
(INHALES)
1170
00:45:47,945 --> 00:45:51,073
(COUGHS)
1171
00:45:57,087 --> 00:45:58,987
BOTH: Oh, shit.
1172
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,489
DISPATCHER:
Los Angeles County, 911.
1173
00:46:04,561 --> 00:46:06,119
(DISPATCHER
AND WOMAN CONVERSING)
1174
00:46:16,473 --> 00:46:18,441
My dick!
1175
00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:22,177
(DIAL TONE) He fell for it!
1176
00:46:23,147 --> 00:46:24,671
(CHILDLIKE VOICE)
No, I don't want to.
1177
00:46:25,916 --> 00:46:28,544
Okay. Okay, I'll do it.
1178
00:46:33,924 --> 00:46:34,982
(COUGHS)
1179
00:46:35,058 --> 00:46:38,892
Yeah! That's a shotgun for your ass.
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
1180
00:46:39,963 --> 00:46:41,954
(BOTH GASPING)
1181
00:46:42,499 --> 00:46:43,727
Is he gone?
Oh, he's gone.
1182
00:46:43,801 --> 00:46:44,825
Wow!
1183
00:46:44,935 --> 00:46:46,630
That's that Criss Angel
shit right there.
1184
00:46:46,737 --> 00:46:48,762
Yo, that ghost good.
That ghost good.
1185
00:46:48,839 --> 00:46:50,306
That ghost good.
That ghost good.
1186
00:46:50,407 --> 00:46:51,965
(SCREAMS)
1187
00:46:55,312 --> 00:46:56,677
Oh, my God.
What?
1188
00:46:56,747 --> 00:46:58,078
That was awesome!
1189
00:46:58,148 --> 00:46:59,581
(BOTH WHOOPING)
1190
00:47:05,856 --> 00:47:08,154
(GROANS) Disgusting!
1191
00:47:08,225 --> 00:47:10,523
Malcolm, wake up.
Mmm?
1192
00:47:11,295 --> 00:47:12,956
You peed the bed.
1193
00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:15,522
What?
1194
00:47:15,599 --> 00:47:16,793
You peed the bed.
1195
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,025
Oh, shit! Oh!
1196
00:47:20,437 --> 00:47:21,802
Oh, that's...
1197
00:47:21,872 --> 00:47:23,237
(KISHA LAUGHING)
1198
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:24,600
That's not funny.
1199
00:47:25,108 --> 00:47:26,803
(KISHA LAUGHING)
Oh, that's fucked up.
1200
00:47:27,444 --> 00:47:28,968
That's real fucked up.
1201
00:47:31,281 --> 00:47:33,442
MALCOLM: Hey, Steve, thanks a lot for
bringing the Ouija board over, man.
1202
00:47:33,517 --> 00:47:34,711
I really appreciate that.
Oh, no worries, bro.
1203
00:47:34,785 --> 00:47:35,809
Hopefully...
MALCOLM: Hey, baby.
1204
00:47:35,886 --> 00:47:36,875
Can you grab the wine?
1205
00:47:36,987 --> 00:47:40,445
Oh, hey, Kisha, the
dinner was so amazing.
1206
00:47:40,524 --> 00:47:44,790
The chicken was unbelievably
tender and real juicy.
1207
00:47:44,862 --> 00:47:47,092
Oh, well, actually,
that was all Malcolm.
1208
00:47:47,164 --> 00:47:49,257
Was it now?
I'll be damned.
1209
00:47:49,333 --> 00:47:52,825
Well, thanks for letting me nibble
on the leg because I love dark meat.
1210
00:47:53,503 --> 00:47:55,733
Mmm. Well, that is true.
She eats it up.
1211
00:47:55,806 --> 00:47:57,740
MALCOLM: I bet she does.
She eats it all up.
1212
00:47:57,875 --> 00:47:59,274
(HISSES) Yeah.
1213
00:47:59,343 --> 00:48:00,776
You guys are
gonna love this wine.
1214
00:48:00,844 --> 00:48:02,539
It is a very robust red.
1215
00:48:02,613 --> 00:48:03,637
Yum.
1216
00:48:03,714 --> 00:48:05,545
Well, you know what they say.
1217
00:48:05,649 --> 00:48:07,879
"The blacker the berry,
the sweeter the juice."
1218
00:48:08,018 --> 00:48:09,212
Mm-hmm.
1219
00:48:09,319 --> 00:48:11,810
Okay, y'all need to
cut this out.
1220
00:48:12,155 --> 00:48:14,020
Well, you know what? Normally, we
don't have to chase this hard.
1221
00:48:14,091 --> 00:48:15,115
Mm-hmm.
1222
00:48:15,192 --> 00:48:16,523
Steve...
Hmm?
1223
00:48:16,593 --> 00:48:19,084
I was talking about
that stupid board.
1224
00:48:19,363 --> 00:48:20,990
Oh.
KISHA: Oh.
1225
00:48:21,164 --> 00:48:23,394
MALCOLM: Baby, I just want
to communicate with it.
1226
00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:24,558
(SIGHS)
1227
00:48:25,135 --> 00:48:28,127
Are you a ghost or a demon?
1228
00:48:30,641 --> 00:48:32,165
Who's doing that? Malcolm.
Who's doing that?
1229
00:48:32,276 --> 00:48:34,141
I don't know. It's not me.
I swear to God.
1230
00:48:34,211 --> 00:48:36,611
"G."
1231
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:37,806
You guys.
1232
00:48:37,881 --> 00:48:39,576
"O."
1233
00:48:39,650 --> 00:48:41,690
Steve, are you pushing this?
I'm not doing anything.
1234
00:48:41,718 --> 00:48:43,618
Oh, what? "S."
1235
00:48:43,687 --> 00:48:44,745
Go where...
1236
00:48:45,856 --> 00:48:47,118
"T."
1237
00:48:48,492 --> 00:48:50,983
A "gost?" What the
hell is a "gost"?
1238
00:48:51,061 --> 00:48:53,291
Oh, maybe he's
trying to spell "ghost."
1239
00:48:53,363 --> 00:48:55,058
Are you trying
to spell "ghost"?
1240
00:48:56,633 --> 00:48:57,657
You're doing that?
1241
00:48:57,734 --> 00:48:59,031
No. I'm not
moving it, I swear.
1242
00:49:01,138 --> 00:49:02,230
"Yes."
1243
00:49:03,373 --> 00:49:05,967
Wait. So, he just
spelled "ghost" "gost."
1244
00:49:06,043 --> 00:49:07,340
(LAUGHS)
1245
00:49:07,444 --> 00:49:11,005
What kind of illiterate,
bitch-ass ghost is this?
1246
00:49:11,081 --> 00:49:13,641
Please. Can you please
use "gost" in a sentence?
1247
00:49:13,717 --> 00:49:15,514
Yeah, right.
(LAUGHS)
1248
00:49:15,585 --> 00:49:17,018
Up yours,
you stupid "gost."
1249
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:18,451
(LAUGHING)
1250
00:49:18,689 --> 00:49:19,849
He probably dyslexic, too.
1251
00:49:19,923 --> 00:49:22,187
He probably
spells "boo," O-O-B.
1252
00:49:22,259 --> 00:49:23,749
Ooh!
(RUMBLING)
1253
00:49:23,827 --> 00:49:25,488
Oh.
Oh.
1254
00:49:26,163 --> 00:49:27,858
(JENNY SCREAMS) Whoa, whoa!
1255
00:49:29,566 --> 00:49:31,056
Somebody's sensitive.
1256
00:49:31,134 --> 00:49:32,158
And stupid.
1257
00:49:32,402 --> 00:49:34,495
(LAUGHING)
1258
00:49:35,572 --> 00:49:38,012
You know what? I think we'll
probably just show ourselves out.
1259
00:49:48,919 --> 00:49:50,682
(THUDS)
1260
00:49:50,754 --> 00:49:52,585
(BODY DRAGGING)
1261
00:50:04,434 --> 00:50:04,934
(MOANING)
1262
00:50:05,802 --> 00:50:06,996
(SLURPS)
1263
00:50:07,137 --> 00:50:08,263
Good morning, honey.
1264
00:50:08,405 --> 00:50:09,565
Good morning.
Mmm.
1265
00:50:11,541 --> 00:50:12,565
Hey.
(LAUGHS)
1266
00:50:12,843 --> 00:50:13,832
Mmm.
1267
00:50:13,944 --> 00:50:15,536
Well, all right.
1268
00:50:15,645 --> 00:50:21,845
(SIGHS) Baby, that is the best night's
sleep I've had since I moved in.
1269
00:50:22,185 --> 00:50:24,386
Well, maybe because you made
me sleep in the other room.
1270
00:50:25,655 --> 00:50:27,350
What are you talking about?
1271
00:50:27,424 --> 00:50:29,415
We had
a breakthrough last night.
1272
00:50:30,027 --> 00:50:31,790
A breakthrough? Really?
1273
00:50:31,895 --> 00:50:33,453
Yes, Malcolm.
1274
00:50:33,530 --> 00:50:38,558
The way that you touched me,
caressed me, made love to me.
1275
00:50:38,735 --> 00:50:40,498
(GRUNTS)
1276
00:50:40,570 --> 00:50:42,663
What are you talking about?
1277
00:50:42,739 --> 00:50:45,333
Malcolm, we had sex last night!
1278
00:50:45,409 --> 00:50:46,637
No, we didn't.
1279
00:50:46,710 --> 00:50:48,575
Yes, we did.
For about two hours!
1280
00:50:48,678 --> 00:50:50,908
Uh, that definitely
wasn't me. (SCOFFS)
1281
00:50:51,014 --> 00:50:52,845
Well, who else
could it have been?
1282
00:50:55,952 --> 00:50:57,078
No, get off of me!
1283
00:50:58,422 --> 00:51:00,788
(COMPUTER TONE)
(TYPING)
1284
00:51:05,228 --> 00:51:06,320
(MOANS)
1285
00:51:06,763 --> 00:51:09,061
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
1286
00:51:11,935 --> 00:51:15,393
Mmm.
(SLURPING)
1287
00:51:15,572 --> 00:51:16,732
Mmm, Malcolm.
1288
00:51:17,340 --> 00:51:18,671
What?
1289
00:51:18,742 --> 00:51:20,334
KISHA: (ON COMPUTER)
Ooh, that's new.
1290
00:51:20,444 --> 00:51:23,106
(LOUD MOANING)
1291
00:51:23,246 --> 00:51:26,044
Oh.
Are you doing the alphabet?
1292
00:51:26,850 --> 00:51:28,909
Uh-uh, nigger, clean your plate.
Come on.
1293
00:51:28,985 --> 00:51:30,009
(GHOST GURGLES)
1294
00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:33,386
Slob it down, slob it down.
1295
00:51:33,457 --> 00:51:35,687
Waterboarding your ass.
(GRUNTS)
1296
00:51:36,726 --> 00:51:38,284
Mm, Malcolm.
Did you grow?
1297
00:51:38,395 --> 00:51:39,521
(GROANS)
1298
00:51:39,596 --> 00:51:42,360
Ride the pony! Ride it. Oh!
1299
00:51:42,432 --> 00:51:43,626
(GASPING)
1300
00:51:43,700 --> 00:51:45,725
Oh! Get it! Get it! Get it!
Oh, I've had it.
1301
00:51:46,103 --> 00:51:49,072
Oh, yeah! Dip it!
Dip it down!
1302
00:51:49,973 --> 00:51:51,031
I can't watch.
1303
00:51:51,108 --> 00:51:52,370
Why don't I finish up...
I can't watch anymore.
1304
00:51:52,442 --> 00:51:54,003
I just can't watch anymore.
I'll finish.
1305
00:51:54,177 --> 00:51:56,338
(MOANING)
1306
00:51:56,646 --> 00:51:58,637
(DEMONIC MOANING)
1307
00:51:59,049 --> 00:52:01,483
(WHIMPERING)
(MOANS)
1308
00:52:01,718 --> 00:52:03,413
KISHA:
Uh-uh, you ain't done yet.
1309
00:52:03,487 --> 00:52:07,389
(LIQUID RUSHING)
(KISHA SCREAMING)
1310
00:52:07,858 --> 00:52:11,350
(GASPS)
(MOANING)
1311
00:52:11,461 --> 00:52:12,826
(LIQUID RUSHING CONTINUES)
1312
00:52:12,996 --> 00:52:15,430
I had no idea
you was a squirter.
1313
00:52:17,501 --> 00:52:19,128
Neither did I?
1314
00:52:22,272 --> 00:52:23,899
Hey.
Don't touch me.
1315
00:52:24,074 --> 00:52:28,010
(GASPS) You seriously have an
attitude with me right now?
1316
00:52:28,078 --> 00:52:29,807
You liked it.
What?
1317
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,311
You heard me.
You liked it.
1318
00:52:32,415 --> 00:52:34,781
You like having
sex with that thing
1319
00:52:34,851 --> 00:52:36,409
more than you like
having sex with me.
1320
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:37,748
(SCOFFS)
1321
00:52:37,921 --> 00:52:40,412
Malcolm, I was asleep.
1322
00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:42,018
Mm-hmm. Talk to the hand.
I was...
1323
00:52:42,092 --> 00:52:43,320
That's the hand.
Talk to it.
1324
00:52:43,393 --> 00:52:44,587
I was asleep, okay?
1325
00:52:44,661 --> 00:52:46,424
I didn't know I was
having sex with a ghost.
1326
00:52:46,530 --> 00:52:47,622
Aha!
1327
00:52:47,831 --> 00:52:50,061
You just admitted
to having sex with a ghost!
1328
00:52:50,133 --> 00:52:53,694
And you liked it!
"Oh, Malcolm, you grew."
1329
00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:55,429
What happened, Kisha?
1330
00:52:55,505 --> 00:52:57,132
I'm not adequate
enough for you?
1331
00:52:57,274 --> 00:53:00,402
Huh? I'm sorry.
I tried Extense, Kisha.
1332
00:53:00,477 --> 00:53:01,677
Went through the whole program.
1333
00:53:01,711 --> 00:53:04,373
I did Cialis, Viagra and Maca.
1334
00:53:04,447 --> 00:53:06,039
Okay. All it did
was get me dizzy,
1335
00:53:06,116 --> 00:53:07,640
you know...
Okay, stop it, all right?
1336
00:53:07,717 --> 00:53:09,617
That is not fair!
I was anally bleeding
1337
00:53:09,686 --> 00:53:11,313
for a month,
and you didn't even know.
1338
00:53:11,388 --> 00:53:13,117
Listen, that is not fair,
1339
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:16,125
because I'm the one who
was violated, not you.
1340
00:53:20,697 --> 00:53:22,028
I'm sorry.
1341
00:53:22,132 --> 00:53:23,929
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
1342
00:53:25,702 --> 00:53:28,102
(SIGHS) Must have been a
horrific experience for you.
1343
00:53:28,171 --> 00:53:29,331
I'm sorry.
1344
00:53:29,906 --> 00:53:32,374
Eh, could have been worse.
1345
00:53:32,442 --> 00:53:33,602
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1346
00:53:34,644 --> 00:53:35,872
Hey, cuz... Ray-Ray.
1347
00:53:35,946 --> 00:53:36,986
You got a beef up in here?
1348
00:53:37,047 --> 00:53:39,106
Lots of niggers.
Not beef. Hey...
1349
00:53:39,182 --> 00:53:41,173
Hey, what the fuck is
you taping for, Kisha?
1350
00:53:41,251 --> 00:53:43,219
We thugs.
We can't be on no TV!
1351
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,185
KISHA:
Shut up, Ray-Ray.
1352
00:53:45,255 --> 00:53:46,984
Get the fuck off me.
Okay. Sorry.
1353
00:53:47,057 --> 00:53:48,490
So, what's going on
with this beef, homey?
1354
00:53:48,558 --> 00:53:50,583
It's that old bitch next
door, ain't it, homey?
1355
00:53:50,694 --> 00:53:52,184
Yeah, she was
eyeballing me, cuz,
1356
00:53:52,262 --> 00:53:54,423
when I was all up in her
windowsill last night.
1357
00:53:54,531 --> 00:53:56,931
But she got a nice body,
though, cuz.
1358
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,093
You know, like a sexy-ass
baked potato, homey.
1359
00:53:59,169 --> 00:54:00,261
It's not like that.
1360
00:54:00,370 --> 00:54:01,850
What the fuck is it like,
then, homey?
1361
00:54:01,871 --> 00:54:04,339
Well, someone's coming
between me and Kisha.
1362
00:54:04,407 --> 00:54:06,136
Somebody fucked your girl, cuz?
1363
00:54:06,209 --> 00:54:07,938
Well, not... I be the one
that fucked your girl!
1364
00:54:08,044 --> 00:54:09,170
KISHA: Oh, please.
1365
00:54:09,246 --> 00:54:11,407
How you let somebody fuck
your girl before me, cuz?
1366
00:54:11,514 --> 00:54:12,674
We family, nigger!
1367
00:54:12,749 --> 00:54:13,875
I... I'm sorry... Kinda.
1368
00:54:13,950 --> 00:54:16,783
How the fuck do you "kinda"
bang Kisha, homey?
1369
00:54:16,886 --> 00:54:19,446
Did he have one pant leg
in, one pant leg out?
1370
00:54:19,522 --> 00:54:21,490
Like, he wasn't even interested
in fucking her, homey?
1371
00:54:21,558 --> 00:54:23,150
Like, he had somewhere
better to be, homey?
1372
00:54:23,226 --> 00:54:25,194
KISHA: Okay, Ray-Ray,
that is not what it's like.
1373
00:54:25,262 --> 00:54:28,459
And can you please tell your Negro
to back the hell up off me?
1374
00:54:28,531 --> 00:54:30,965
Hey! Pelvis back
2 inches, homey.
1375
00:54:31,067 --> 00:54:32,762
But stay up on her, though.
1376
00:54:32,869 --> 00:54:34,598
What the fuck is
it like then, Kisha? Hmm?
1377
00:54:34,671 --> 00:54:36,070
If you listen, I'll tell you.
1378
00:54:36,139 --> 00:54:37,504
You tell me!
1379
00:54:37,574 --> 00:54:39,872
I can't wait to get
my hands on this fool.
1380
00:54:39,943 --> 00:54:41,911
Come on out, cuz!
KISHA: Ray-Ray, cut it out.
1381
00:54:41,978 --> 00:54:43,673
You're gonna make it mad.
1382
00:54:46,716 --> 00:54:49,276
I don't give a fuck, Kisha!
1383
00:54:49,386 --> 00:54:52,446
He should be worried about making
Ray-Ray mad up in here, bitch!
1384
00:54:52,522 --> 00:54:54,080
KISHA: Who you
callin' a bitch?
1385
00:54:54,157 --> 00:54:55,215
Show yourself!
1386
00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:56,589
No, Ray, don't do that!
Don't...
1387
00:54:56,660 --> 00:54:58,150
(RUMBLING)
1388
00:55:00,563 --> 00:55:02,326
What the fuck is that?
1389
00:55:02,499 --> 00:55:04,364
A ghost, Ray.
1390
00:55:05,335 --> 00:55:07,269
A "ghost" ghost?
A "ghost" ghost.
1391
00:55:07,337 --> 00:55:08,361
Like a dead ghost?
1392
00:55:08,438 --> 00:55:10,269
KISHA: Yes! Ray-Ray, that's
what we've been trying
1393
00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:12,205
to tell you for 15 minutes!
1394
00:55:12,942 --> 00:55:14,375
You idiot.
1395
00:55:14,444 --> 00:55:19,074
What the...
What in the hell...
1396
00:55:20,450 --> 00:55:22,475
What happened to
your furniture, cuz?
1397
00:55:23,386 --> 00:55:25,718
(ALL SCREAMING)
1398
00:55:31,027 --> 00:55:32,460
Get your hands up, cuz!
1399
00:55:32,529 --> 00:55:33,791
You're trying to
get me killed, cuz.
1400
00:55:33,863 --> 00:55:35,387
I didn't, Ray-Ray! Ray!
1401
00:55:36,299 --> 00:55:37,561
God!
1402
00:55:38,368 --> 00:55:39,562
(SOBS)
1403
00:55:40,170 --> 00:55:41,398
My stuff!
1404
00:55:42,772 --> 00:55:45,605
KISHA: Babe, you got to admit,
it's kind of impressive.
1405
00:55:52,015 --> 00:55:54,142
Perfume? Hey!
(LAUGHS)
1406
00:55:54,484 --> 00:55:56,714
Yeah, it's new.
It's called Entity.
1407
00:55:56,786 --> 00:55:58,651
I like it. (CHUCKLES)
1408
00:55:59,489 --> 00:56:01,480
What's the occasion?
What's up?
1409
00:56:01,558 --> 00:56:04,459
Malcolm, is it a crime
to want to sleep
1410
00:56:04,527 --> 00:56:06,085
(LOUDLY) with no panties on?
1411
00:56:08,865 --> 00:56:11,732
I get it. This...
This ain't for me.
1412
00:56:11,801 --> 00:56:13,291
(SIGHS) This is for him.
1413
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:15,201
Who are you talking about?
1414
00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:17,730
You know exactly
who I'm talking about.
1415
00:56:17,841 --> 00:56:20,503
For your little
supernatural lover.
1416
00:56:20,643 --> 00:56:22,133
Malcolm,
you're being ridiculous,
1417
00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:23,645
and I'm gonna
say this right now.
1418
00:56:23,813 --> 00:56:25,644
Insecurity is not attractive.
1419
00:56:25,715 --> 00:56:27,808
Yeah? Well, being a
paranormal jump-off
1420
00:56:27,884 --> 00:56:30,682
is not attractive either, hon.
Good night.
1421
00:56:30,987 --> 00:56:32,818
You're taking this too far.
Whatever.
1422
00:56:32,889 --> 00:56:34,982
I have no interest in a ghost.
1423
00:56:45,735 --> 00:56:47,896
You gonna try and contact him?
1424
00:56:49,272 --> 00:56:50,398
Good night!
I was gonna...
1425
00:56:50,507 --> 00:56:51,565
Good night!
1426
00:57:09,459 --> 00:57:11,450
(MURMURS)
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
1427
00:57:13,463 --> 00:57:15,761
(RUMBLING)
1428
00:57:35,285 --> 00:57:37,185
(GRUNTING)
1429
00:57:39,622 --> 00:57:42,182
(GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
1430
00:57:46,796 --> 00:57:48,195
(GROANS)
1431
00:57:52,202 --> 00:57:53,362
(SIGHS)
1432
00:57:53,470 --> 00:57:55,904
(MALCOLM GRUNTING
ON COMPUTER)
1433
00:57:57,640 --> 00:57:59,232
Get off of me!
(GROANING)
1434
00:58:02,946 --> 00:58:04,504
Baby.
Hey!
1435
00:58:04,614 --> 00:58:05,740
Hey.
Hey.
1436
00:58:05,815 --> 00:58:07,176
What's...
What's up with the donut?
1437
00:58:07,183 --> 00:58:11,244
Oh, uh, I just got a little
hemorrhoid, that's all.
1438
00:58:11,321 --> 00:58:12,652
Oh, I'm sorry.
Hurts.
1439
00:58:12,755 --> 00:58:15,189
So, anything happen
eventful last night?
1440
00:58:15,291 --> 00:58:18,419
No, nothing eventful.
Just, you know, the usual.
1441
00:58:18,495 --> 00:58:21,293
Just, like, you know,
door slams, stuff like that.
1442
00:58:21,531 --> 00:58:22,731
Oh. I wanna see.
(RAPID TYPING)
1443
00:58:22,765 --> 00:58:23,857
(GRUNTING) Nope, nope.
1444
00:58:23,967 --> 00:58:25,088
Nothing for you to see, baby.
1445
00:58:25,101 --> 00:58:26,659
Wait! Baby!
1446
00:58:26,736 --> 00:58:27,794
Hey!
1447
00:58:27,871 --> 00:58:29,202
Can you... So rude!
Stop! Stop!
1448
00:58:29,305 --> 00:58:30,431
Hey! Malcolm!
Would you...
1449
00:58:30,507 --> 00:58:31,974
Cut it...
Just gotta do...
1450
00:58:32,041 --> 00:58:33,440
(GASPS) Oh, my!
You know what?
1451
00:58:33,510 --> 00:58:35,273
You...
You got altar-boyed.
1452
00:58:35,345 --> 00:58:36,607
You know what?
1453
00:58:36,679 --> 00:58:38,670
You can't...
Malcolm, hold on a second.
1454
00:58:38,781 --> 00:58:40,715
No, no, no, no, no!
You just uploaded it!
1455
00:58:40,817 --> 00:58:42,011
No, no, no!
1456
00:58:42,118 --> 00:58:43,380
Oh, no!
1457
00:58:44,354 --> 00:58:45,446
(COMPUTER DINGS)
1458
00:58:45,522 --> 00:58:48,013
You're gonna be bigger than
Charlie Bit My Finger.
1459
00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:49,624
(WHEEZES)
1460
00:58:53,630 --> 00:58:55,063
Say hello to the camera.
1461
00:58:55,164 --> 00:58:56,324
Hello, Malcolm...
Come on, Kisha.
1462
00:58:56,399 --> 00:58:58,833
Get the camera out my face.
I'm not in the mood. Stop it!
1463
00:58:58,902 --> 00:59:00,335
Oh, I see. I see.
1464
00:59:00,403 --> 00:59:04,396
Now that you've been touched by an
angel, suddenly you're camera shy?
1465
00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:07,635
Let me ask you
a question, Kisha.
1466
00:59:07,710 --> 00:59:09,371
Is this the first
ghost you slept with?
1467
00:59:09,479 --> 00:59:11,879
Or it's the first one
I caught you with?
1468
00:59:11,981 --> 00:59:13,661
You wanna go there?
Yeah, I wanna go there.
1469
00:59:13,683 --> 00:59:14,672
When did you
become ghost pussy?
1470
00:59:14,851 --> 00:59:15,840
You know what, Malcolm?
1471
00:59:15,919 --> 00:59:19,719
Maybe I wouldn't need a ghost
if I was with a real man!
1472
00:59:19,789 --> 00:59:20,813
(SCOFFING LAUGH)
1473
00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:24,223
There are Super Bowl ads
that last longer than you do!
1474
00:59:24,294 --> 00:59:25,334
Let me tell you something.
1475
00:59:25,395 --> 00:59:27,727
People wait all year for
those Super Bowl ads, baby.
1476
00:59:27,864 --> 00:59:28,888
All year!
1477
00:59:28,998 --> 00:59:31,193
And maybe it's 'cause
every time I see you naked,
1478
00:59:31,267 --> 00:59:33,497
all I can think about is
you sitting on the toilet,
1479
00:59:33,570 --> 00:59:34,832
playing with a Rubik's Cube!
1480
00:59:34,904 --> 00:59:37,395
I'm sorry, Kisha. Some things
just shouldn't be shared.
1481
00:59:37,473 --> 00:59:38,565
I let my guard down and...
1482
00:59:38,641 --> 00:59:39,903
Oh, you let your guard down.
1483
00:59:39,976 --> 00:59:41,170
...you're gonna
throw it back in my face?
1484
00:59:41,244 --> 00:59:42,472
You killed my dog!
1485
00:59:42,545 --> 00:59:43,876
(WHOOPS)
You have not let this go!
1486
00:59:43,947 --> 00:59:44,936
Yeah, let's go there.
1487
00:59:45,014 --> 00:59:46,242
I did not kill your dog!
1488
00:59:46,316 --> 00:59:47,510
You dog murderer.
1489
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:49,449
That was my baby, and you
killed it on purpose!
1490
00:59:49,552 --> 00:59:50,792
Oh, your baby was 87 years old!
1491
00:59:51,354 --> 00:59:53,015
(SCREAMS) Shh.
1492
00:59:53,623 --> 00:59:54,749
(PANTING)
1493
00:59:55,625 --> 00:59:57,024
Okay.
Okay.
1494
00:59:57,093 --> 00:59:58,390
All right, come on.
Let's go outside.
1495
00:59:58,461 --> 01:00:00,361
Okay. Okay.
Come on.
1496
01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:01,897
Okay. Go!
Okay.
1497
01:00:02,298 --> 01:00:03,492
Do you see that?
It's getting worse.
1498
01:00:03,566 --> 01:00:04,897
Well, you heard the psychic,
all right?
1499
01:00:05,001 --> 01:00:06,298
It feeds off of
negative energy.
1500
01:00:06,369 --> 01:00:07,893
All of your arguing
is making it stronger.
1501
01:00:08,004 --> 01:00:09,130
My arguing? My arguing?
(RUMBLING)
1502
01:00:09,205 --> 01:00:10,263
You're the one that...
1503
01:00:10,340 --> 01:00:11,329
That's right.
1504
01:00:11,407 --> 01:00:12,728
We have to stop fighting.
I can't.
1505
01:00:12,742 --> 01:00:14,073
You are getting on my nerves.
1506
01:00:14,177 --> 01:00:16,042
Well, just pretend.
1507
01:00:17,814 --> 01:00:19,805
(RUMBLING)
1508
01:00:21,484 --> 01:00:23,543
(CUP RATTLES)
1509
01:00:25,154 --> 01:00:27,019
Good thing we
switched to plastic.
1510
01:00:27,490 --> 01:00:29,185
(RUMBLING)
1511
01:00:29,959 --> 01:00:32,052
(RATTLING)
1512
01:00:36,332 --> 01:00:38,061
We'll have to get
that pot rack looked at.
1513
01:00:38,167 --> 01:00:39,600
Mm-hmm.
1514
01:00:47,043 --> 01:00:50,171
(TEAKETTLE WHISTLES)
1515
01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:51,705
Tea's ready.
Mmm.
1516
01:00:58,354 --> 01:01:00,151
(RUMBLING)
1517
01:01:01,958 --> 01:01:03,482
I'm gonna make
a run to Starbucks.
1518
01:01:12,535 --> 01:01:14,002
Can you pick me up a latte?
1519
01:01:14,070 --> 01:01:15,094
You got it!
1520
01:01:23,346 --> 01:01:26,042
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
1521
01:01:29,118 --> 01:01:30,142
(GRUNTS)
1522
01:01:30,219 --> 01:01:31,208
(SCREAMS)
1523
01:01:31,287 --> 01:01:32,311
Malcolm!
1524
01:01:33,956 --> 01:01:35,753
(SCREAMING)
1525
01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:40,924
(GRUNTS)
1526
01:01:41,064 --> 01:01:43,396
Yeah! I kicked you
in your ghost balls!
1527
01:01:43,466 --> 01:01:44,763
I got some for you...
1528
01:01:44,901 --> 01:01:46,459
(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)
1529
01:01:47,203 --> 01:01:48,261
(SCREAMS)
1530
01:01:49,338 --> 01:01:50,600
Malcolm!
1531
01:01:50,673 --> 01:01:53,301
Wake up!
Nigger, open your eyes!
1532
01:01:53,476 --> 01:01:56,172
(SCREAMS) Take off those
damn headphones!
1533
01:01:56,245 --> 01:01:58,042
Malcolm!
1534
01:01:58,381 --> 01:01:59,473
(THUDS)
1535
01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:01,577
(PANTING)
1536
01:02:02,385 --> 01:02:03,784
Malcolm!
1537
01:02:03,853 --> 01:02:05,946
(SCREAMING) Malcolm!
1538
01:02:10,827 --> 01:02:13,318
(RAP MUSIC CONTINUES)
1539
01:02:18,701 --> 01:02:20,862
(MUTTERING) Yeah, listen.
Something's wrong with Kisha.
1540
01:02:20,937 --> 01:02:23,064
No, no, she's been
cleaning all morning.
1541
01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:26,003
Dude, Kisha don't clean.
1542
01:02:27,143 --> 01:02:29,611
That's good, baby. Not the couch, honey!
Not the couch.
1543
01:02:29,679 --> 01:02:31,510
Not the couch.
Yes, the floor.
1544
01:02:31,614 --> 01:02:33,980
Yeah, good girl, good girl.
(CHUCKLES)
1545
01:02:34,050 --> 01:02:36,780
Yo, man, earlier,
I caught her masturbating
1546
01:02:37,386 --> 01:02:38,785
with a crucifix.
1547
01:02:39,088 --> 01:02:40,749
(GROANING) Kisha?
1548
01:02:42,525 --> 01:02:43,856
Wouldn't you rather use this?
1549
01:02:44,861 --> 01:02:46,328
(WHIRRING)
1550
01:02:47,563 --> 01:02:48,655
(GROANING)
1551
01:02:48,931 --> 01:02:50,023
Okay.
1552
01:02:51,167 --> 01:02:52,862
Exactly. I'm...
1553
01:02:54,937 --> 01:02:56,598
Uh, dude, I gotta go.
1554
01:02:56,672 --> 01:02:58,503
No, she's walking the dog.
1555
01:02:59,308 --> 01:03:01,640
What's wrong with that?
The dog is dead.
1556
01:03:01,711 --> 01:03:04,179
I gotta go.
Uh, Kisha?
1557
01:03:05,348 --> 01:03:07,316
Kisha. Oh, boy. Kisha!
1558
01:03:08,518 --> 01:03:10,850
Kisha? Baby?
1559
01:03:12,488 --> 01:03:15,514
Listen, I just wanted to apologize
for the way I been acting.
1560
01:03:15,625 --> 01:03:16,922
I just want to tell
you that I love you,
1561
01:03:16,993 --> 01:03:19,518
and I don't want anything
to come between us.
1562
01:03:19,595 --> 01:03:22,655
And what the hell is that
Twilight shit on your neck?
1563
01:03:22,865 --> 01:03:25,561
(ROARS)
Oh, my God! Oh, God!
1564
01:03:26,002 --> 01:03:27,367
What the hell?
(PANTING)
1565
01:03:28,771 --> 01:03:31,035
Oh, yeah.
She is definitely on the rag.
1566
01:03:32,542 --> 01:03:34,462
MALCOLM: Oh, Father.
Thank God you could make it.
1567
01:03:35,211 --> 01:03:36,838
Nigger, call me "Doug."
1568
01:03:36,946 --> 01:03:38,937
I don't like being
called "Father." No way.
1569
01:03:39,015 --> 01:03:41,609
Plus, I got a couple issues
with a few people out there
1570
01:03:41,684 --> 01:03:43,549
claiming false child support.
1571
01:03:43,653 --> 01:03:45,883
I mean, just 'cause the
little nigger got my eyes,
1572
01:03:45,988 --> 01:03:48,855
my nose, my extremely rare
AB-negative blood type,
1573
01:03:48,958 --> 01:03:50,755
don't mean I'm the damn daddy.
1574
01:03:51,394 --> 01:03:53,555
Plus, I'm still in training.
1575
01:03:53,663 --> 01:03:55,130
At the seminary?
1576
01:03:55,264 --> 01:03:56,731
No, the penitentiary.
1577
01:03:56,833 --> 01:03:58,357
What?
Shit, nigger,
1578
01:03:58,434 --> 01:04:00,129
I've been
incarcerated 15 years.
1579
01:04:00,403 --> 01:04:02,667
Oh. But you learn a lot out
there reading on the yard.
1580
01:04:02,738 --> 01:04:05,400
You shank a nigger, come
in, read the scripture.
1581
01:04:05,508 --> 01:04:07,738
Shank a motherfucker,
read the scripture.
1582
01:04:07,844 --> 01:04:09,165
You gonna let
a nigger in or what?
1583
01:04:09,212 --> 01:04:10,412
Uh, I'm sorry, Father.
Come in.
1584
01:04:10,513 --> 01:04:12,674
Damn. Standing out here, nigger.
It's cold as hell.
1585
01:04:15,785 --> 01:04:16,911
Ooh.
1586
01:04:17,820 --> 01:04:20,345
Uh, bro, I'm gonna have
to level with you.
1587
01:04:20,423 --> 01:04:22,323
This bitch don't look right.
1588
01:04:22,425 --> 01:04:26,259
I mean, she look all
ashy and shit, and just...
1589
01:04:26,362 --> 01:04:28,728
You know, like E.T.
with a weave.
1590
01:04:28,831 --> 01:04:30,230
If I was you, I'd just be out.
1591
01:04:30,333 --> 01:04:31,891
Let's just go.
Come on. Let's go.
1592
01:04:32,001 --> 01:04:34,333
Uh, I... I can't leave her.
That's my girl.
1593
01:04:34,403 --> 01:04:35,870
Are you kidding me?
Come on, man.
1594
01:04:35,938 --> 01:04:37,337
There's so much
pussy in the world, man.
1595
01:04:37,406 --> 01:04:38,998
You don't have to
be with just her.
1596
01:04:39,075 --> 01:04:40,201
Come to the congregation.
1597
01:04:40,276 --> 01:04:42,210
I've got a few in
the congregation,
1598
01:04:42,278 --> 01:04:43,870
I'm trying to tell you.
Check this out.
1599
01:04:43,946 --> 01:04:45,004
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
1600
01:04:45,815 --> 01:04:47,112
(LAUGHS)
1601
01:04:47,650 --> 01:04:48,878
Now, I know she look old.
1602
01:04:48,951 --> 01:04:51,044
I know she... But she a
freak, and she got skills.
1603
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:52,921
MALCOLM: Can we go in
there and just save her?
1604
01:04:53,022 --> 01:04:55,183
Yo! Yo, dawg, you yelling
at me right now?
1605
01:04:55,258 --> 01:04:57,453
I know you just
didn't scream on me, dawg.
1606
01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,051
I'm here to
exorcise your bitch, man.
1607
01:05:00,129 --> 01:05:02,359
So you wanna go in the room.
All the way in?
1608
01:05:03,766 --> 01:05:06,030
Look at her hair.
Her hair's all crazy.
1609
01:05:07,103 --> 01:05:08,570
You think I'm scared
right now, but I'm not.
1610
01:05:08,638 --> 01:05:09,696
I didn't think you was scared.
1611
01:05:09,772 --> 01:05:11,205
No, I'm just a little concerned
1612
01:05:11,274 --> 01:05:13,435
that I don't have
the right stuff.
1613
01:05:13,542 --> 01:05:15,271
Do you have,
like, a loaded gun?
1614
01:05:15,444 --> 01:05:16,644
I'll shank this bitch for you.
1615
01:05:16,946 --> 01:05:19,312
(GRUNTS)
(EXHALES)
1616
01:05:20,650 --> 01:05:23,585
It's cold as a motherfucker in here, man.
Y'all ain't got no heat?
1617
01:05:25,288 --> 01:05:27,722
How you doing, crazy bitch?
1618
01:05:27,790 --> 01:05:28,848
Kisha.
1619
01:05:28,925 --> 01:05:31,655
Kisha, I'm Father Doug.
1620
01:05:32,662 --> 01:05:34,960
I'm here to
un-possess you.
1621
01:05:35,331 --> 01:05:37,595
Wait a minute.
She's moving.
1622
01:05:37,667 --> 01:05:41,467
This is some
crazy-ass shit, man.
1623
01:05:41,971 --> 01:05:43,370
(IN A POSSESSED VOICE)
Who are you?
1624
01:05:45,007 --> 01:05:47,237
(STAMMERS) I wasn't
expecting her to talk.
1625
01:05:47,310 --> 01:05:48,675
I'm Father Doug.
1626
01:05:48,778 --> 01:05:50,803
Connect the cut.
Connect the cut.
1627
01:05:50,947 --> 01:05:52,608
(STAMMERS)
1628
01:05:52,815 --> 01:05:55,283
Connect the cut. Connect the cut.
Connect the cut.
1629
01:05:55,518 --> 01:05:58,453
Oh, oh, that's some of that
Busta Rhymes shit
1630
01:05:58,587 --> 01:05:59,679
she doin' right there.
1631
01:05:59,789 --> 01:06:01,620
She's on that Bus A Bus.
1632
01:06:01,691 --> 01:06:03,921
It's kinda more like Twista, though.
It's real fast.
1633
01:06:04,026 --> 01:06:06,153
(SCATTING)
1634
01:06:08,698 --> 01:06:11,189
Do you know how to
connect the cuts?
1635
01:06:18,207 --> 01:06:20,141
Uh, uh, uh.
1636
01:06:20,343 --> 01:06:22,368
Tic-tac-toe in your face!
1637
01:06:22,478 --> 01:06:24,639
Straight X's,
straight across, diagonal.
1638
01:06:24,714 --> 01:06:26,682
I almost had your
ass the other way.
1639
01:06:26,849 --> 01:06:30,341
Tic-tac-toe on your arm,
connect the cuts.
1640
01:06:30,453 --> 01:06:32,294
That's what she was saying,
"Connect the cuts."
1641
01:06:32,855 --> 01:06:34,948
I wanna show you something.
1642
01:06:38,461 --> 01:06:42,955
"Suck it." That's gangsta!
That's gangsta.
1643
01:06:43,232 --> 01:06:44,529
You wanna see mine?
1644
01:06:44,633 --> 01:06:45,793
It's okay.
I'm gonna show you mine.
1645
01:06:45,868 --> 01:06:50,168
Check this out. I did a little
something a while back.
1646
01:06:50,306 --> 01:06:53,070
I did that in prison.
Yeah, you know,
1647
01:06:53,242 --> 01:06:55,176
it hurt. But, you know,
1648
01:06:55,511 --> 01:06:57,308
you gotta go through it.
You gotta earn it.
1649
01:06:57,546 --> 01:06:59,377
Everybody went crazy.
They was like,
1650
01:06:59,482 --> 01:07:01,347
"No, you didn't!
You so hard, dawg!"
1651
01:07:01,417 --> 01:07:03,317
I had control of
that TV for a month.
1652
01:07:03,386 --> 01:07:04,546
(HISSES)
1653
01:07:04,620 --> 01:07:07,180
Would you like to
see my paintings?
1654
01:07:08,357 --> 01:07:09,881
Sure. Of course.
1655
01:07:09,992 --> 01:07:13,428
You know, I consider myself
a bit of an art aficionado.
1656
01:07:14,230 --> 01:07:16,630
(WHISPERS) I think it's going well.
It's going good.
1657
01:07:18,868 --> 01:07:20,062
Mm-hmm.
1658
01:07:20,403 --> 01:07:21,563
If, uh...
1659
01:07:22,338 --> 01:07:24,568
Well, you know, if I can be
perfectly honest with you,
1660
01:07:24,673 --> 01:07:26,004
it's your
technique that's sloppy.
1661
01:07:26,075 --> 01:07:27,372
But that's, you know,
1662
01:07:27,443 --> 01:07:29,809
to be expected from someone
that's possessed.
1663
01:07:32,148 --> 01:07:34,446
(RUMBLING)
1664
01:07:37,319 --> 01:07:38,547
Hmm?
1665
01:07:38,721 --> 01:07:40,985
(DEMONIC SCREAMING)
1666
01:07:42,158 --> 01:07:44,626
(GAGS) Ah!
1667
01:07:45,628 --> 01:07:47,357
Damn, that made
my breath stink.
1668
01:07:48,130 --> 01:07:49,654
Man, that breath is kickin'!
1669
01:07:50,599 --> 01:07:52,965
I can only imagine
what the kitty smell like.
1670
01:07:53,069 --> 01:07:54,798
Pure evil.
1671
01:07:55,071 --> 01:07:56,470
Goddamn.
1672
01:08:01,410 --> 01:08:03,935
I'm Dan "the Man" Kearney
and today on Ghost Guys
1673
01:08:04,013 --> 01:08:06,072
we're investigating
paranormal activity
1674
01:08:06,148 --> 01:08:08,548
at the Johnson residence
in suburban Los Angeles.
1675
01:08:08,617 --> 01:08:10,380
This is going be
very unsettling.
1676
01:08:10,453 --> 01:08:12,478
Not like those other
fake ghost hunter shows.
1677
01:08:12,555 --> 01:08:13,681
This stuff is real.
1678
01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:17,351
And I don't mean like,
"I saw my dead nana" scary,
1679
01:08:17,426 --> 01:08:21,055
but scary like, "I left a bag
of meth in the glove box
1680
01:08:21,130 --> 01:08:22,570
and I'm getting
pulled up by the cops
1681
01:08:22,598 --> 01:08:24,498
and I got a hot pipe
under the seat."
1682
01:08:24,567 --> 01:08:26,728
That kind of scary.
Let's go inside.
1683
01:08:27,136 --> 01:08:30,196
All right,
on behalf of Ghost Guys,
1684
01:08:30,272 --> 01:08:33,400
the greatest ghost-hunter show
on the Internet or cable access,
1685
01:08:33,476 --> 01:08:35,774
I'd like to thank you for having us.
You've made a good choice.
1686
01:08:35,845 --> 01:08:37,506
You're welcome. Thank you
very much for coming.
1687
01:08:37,580 --> 01:08:39,220
Malcolm, Malcolm,
I'm not sure about this.
1688
01:08:39,248 --> 01:08:43,150
I mean, this guy, sure. But Sling
Blade there, don't trust him.
1689
01:08:43,252 --> 01:08:45,015
You said you needed
ghost hunters right?
1690
01:08:45,087 --> 01:08:47,248
I also said I needed a psychic.
1691
01:08:47,423 --> 01:08:49,015
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1692
01:08:49,758 --> 01:08:50,918
Chip, hey, what's up?
1693
01:08:50,993 --> 01:08:52,594
What's going on?
What are you doing here?
1694
01:08:52,595 --> 01:08:54,392
I'm a psychic, I sensed
you needed my help.
1695
01:08:54,463 --> 01:08:55,452
I do.
1696
01:08:55,531 --> 01:08:56,555
There's a new person.
1697
01:08:56,632 --> 01:08:58,793
Yeah, that's Bob.
Come on, let's go.
1698
01:08:59,568 --> 01:09:02,503
Hey, there's something different about you.
Something new.
1699
01:09:02,571 --> 01:09:05,267
I can't quite put my finger in you.
On you. On it.
1700
01:09:05,341 --> 01:09:06,330
Haircut.
1701
01:09:06,408 --> 01:09:07,466
Someone's got a secret.
1702
01:09:07,576 --> 01:09:08,907
No, I don't. Come on.
1703
01:09:08,978 --> 01:09:10,240
Hey, guys.
1704
01:09:10,446 --> 01:09:14,280
Gentlemen, what we have
here is a crazy bitch.
1705
01:09:14,583 --> 01:09:16,380
Now, I would leave
her possessed ass
1706
01:09:16,452 --> 01:09:18,386
in the alley downtown
if it was me,
1707
01:09:18,454 --> 01:09:21,617
but apparently, Malcolm's
got a thing for the freak.
1708
01:09:21,724 --> 01:09:22,713
Holy shit.
1709
01:09:22,791 --> 01:09:25,351
So, what you're saying is, there's
an actual demon here in the house?
1710
01:09:25,427 --> 01:09:27,327
It's in the bitch.
1711
01:09:28,230 --> 01:09:30,721
I'm sorry, "ho."
No disrespect.
1712
01:09:30,799 --> 01:09:33,097
"Bitch" is fine.
"Bitch" is fine.
1713
01:09:33,235 --> 01:09:35,260
All right,
this is what I'm getting.
1714
01:09:35,471 --> 01:09:40,773
The entity does not want
to leave this house,
1715
01:09:41,644 --> 01:09:42,736
okay?
1716
01:09:43,712 --> 01:09:46,875
It's struggling to stay inside.
1717
01:09:47,049 --> 01:09:48,983
And Malcolm, I need to know.
1718
01:09:49,151 --> 01:09:52,609
How far are you gonna go
to get this demon out?
1719
01:09:52,922 --> 01:09:54,787
I'll do anything.
1720
01:09:56,225 --> 01:09:57,214
Anything?
1721
01:09:57,326 --> 01:10:00,261
(RUBBER SQUEAKING) MALCOLM: I don't
see how this is gonna help anything.
1722
01:10:00,429 --> 01:10:02,260
This just got weird.
1723
01:10:02,431 --> 01:10:04,365
What is this supposed to do?
1724
01:10:06,202 --> 01:10:10,400
Um... Nothing. I was just trying
to see how far you would go.
1725
01:10:11,540 --> 01:10:12,529
What did I tell you?
1726
01:10:12,608 --> 01:10:13,632
I think she looks fine.
1727
01:10:13,709 --> 01:10:14,903
Clearly does not look fine.
1728
01:10:14,977 --> 01:10:16,968
She looks fucked up.
I'm gonna need my Bible.
1729
01:10:17,079 --> 01:10:18,103
You're gonna bless her?
1730
01:10:18,180 --> 01:10:21,172
Well, yeah, I blessed this joint.
Mm-hmm.
1731
01:10:21,283 --> 01:10:23,774
Right out of the First Chronicles.
(CHUCKLES)
1732
01:10:23,953 --> 01:10:28,049
I haven't done many exorcisms, but
I don't think that's appropriate.
1733
01:10:28,224 --> 01:10:32,456
I get it, I get it. I can fix
that, though, right now.
1734
01:10:32,528 --> 01:10:33,722
I got a little something.
1735
01:10:33,796 --> 01:10:35,161
DAN: What's going on?
1736
01:10:35,297 --> 01:10:38,232
That's a demon party.
Yeah, look out.
1737
01:10:38,334 --> 01:10:40,165
(SNIFFS)
(GRUNTS)
1738
01:10:42,004 --> 01:10:43,596
What is this, 1985?
1739
01:10:43,672 --> 01:10:44,900
Is there just one demon?
1740
01:10:44,974 --> 01:10:47,033
'Cause I feel like we could
exorcise any demons in the area.
1741
01:10:47,109 --> 01:10:49,168
What? I'll take on
a whole team of demons.
1742
01:10:49,245 --> 01:10:50,576
What we should do is get
all the demons in one room
1743
01:10:50,646 --> 01:10:51,670
and get rid of them
all at once.
1744
01:10:51,747 --> 01:10:53,214
Do a collective
demon-gathering.
1745
01:10:53,649 --> 01:10:54,741
We just walk up
to people's doors,
1746
01:10:54,817 --> 01:10:55,875
"How you doing?
How you doing?"
1747
01:10:55,985 --> 01:10:57,077
"Can we talk to you
about the Lord today?"
1748
01:10:57,152 --> 01:10:58,881
"We heard y'all got demons up in there.
What's up?"
1749
01:10:58,954 --> 01:11:00,114
Can I get in
the bed with your girl?
1750
01:11:00,189 --> 01:11:03,056
I used to braid hair. I could
actually braid her hair right now.
1751
01:11:03,225 --> 01:11:05,386
I'll be hitting her with some
Allen Iversons and stuff.
1752
01:11:05,527 --> 01:11:08,155
I'll give her some Sprewells.
I'll take it back.
1753
01:11:08,564 --> 01:11:11,032
Let's do a little exorcism.
1754
01:11:11,233 --> 01:11:13,531
All right, "Blessed is he
1755
01:11:13,702 --> 01:11:17,365
who, in the name of
charity and goodwill,
1756
01:11:18,674 --> 01:11:22,110
shepherds the weak through
the valley of darkness."
1757
01:11:22,311 --> 01:11:26,111
"For he is truly
his brother's keeper
1758
01:11:26,282 --> 01:11:29,115
and the finder
of lost children."
1759
01:11:29,418 --> 01:11:32,910
"And you will know
my name is the Lord
1760
01:11:33,088 --> 01:11:36,319
when I lay my
vengeance upon you!"
1761
01:11:36,592 --> 01:11:39,789
Did you just quote
Sam Jackson in Pulp Fiction?
1762
01:11:40,362 --> 01:11:41,624
(CHUCKLES)
1763
01:11:42,831 --> 01:11:47,325
You got that. You got me on that.
You got me on that one!
1764
01:11:47,503 --> 01:11:48,834
I love Sam Jackson, dawg.
1765
01:11:49,004 --> 01:11:50,665
The Jheri curl will be
dripping and everything.
1766
01:11:50,773 --> 01:11:52,297
Plus, on the plane movie.
1767
01:11:52,441 --> 01:11:54,409
When he was on the plane
and he killed the snakes.
1768
01:11:54,510 --> 01:11:55,977
That's my favorite movie.
1769
01:11:56,045 --> 01:11:57,876
"Enough is enough!"
1770
01:11:58,047 --> 01:12:01,141
BOTH: "I have had it with
these motherfucking snakes
1771
01:12:01,317 --> 01:12:02,875
on this
motherfucking plane!"
1772
01:12:02,985 --> 01:12:04,953
Hey, all right! That's
what I'm talking about.
1773
01:12:05,120 --> 01:12:06,451
Guys!
All right, all right!
1774
01:12:06,522 --> 01:12:09,082
Exorcism. That's what
we're here for, right?
1775
01:12:09,725 --> 01:12:12,990
Yes, go back to the thing that
got us here in the first place.
1776
01:12:13,162 --> 01:12:14,720
Where we met.
1777
01:12:14,863 --> 01:12:16,922
(LAUGHS) My man!
1778
01:12:17,099 --> 01:12:21,593
By the powers vested to me,
1779
01:12:21,770 --> 01:12:24,705
that somebody gave me
while I was locked up,
1780
01:12:24,873 --> 01:12:28,673
from the correctional institution
in Lompoc, that's up north...
1781
01:12:28,844 --> 01:12:33,144
I want the demon that's in you to
come out and holler at a brother.
1782
01:12:33,315 --> 01:12:35,510
Demon, come up
out of Kisha, demon.
1783
01:12:35,951 --> 01:12:37,509
Come out!
Just come out!
1784
01:12:37,686 --> 01:12:38,675
Come up out of Kisha!
1785
01:12:38,754 --> 01:12:39,812
DAN: Come up
out of there, demon.
1786
01:12:39,888 --> 01:12:42,448
Come out! Come out!
1787
01:12:42,524 --> 01:12:43,513
Come out! (SOBS)
1788
01:12:43,892 --> 01:12:44,881
Come out!
1789
01:12:44,960 --> 01:12:47,895
Hey! I'm not the one
with the demon, she is.
1790
01:12:48,797 --> 01:12:50,697
(PANTING)
We all have demons, Malcolm.
1791
01:12:50,766 --> 01:12:51,755
(GASPS)
1792
01:12:51,834 --> 01:12:53,802
(WHISPERS) I know what
you did last summer.
1793
01:12:53,969 --> 01:12:55,061
(WHISPERS)
You better not do this.
1794
01:12:55,204 --> 01:12:56,535
(ROARS)
1795
01:12:57,373 --> 01:12:58,465
CHIP:
Let her go, she's fat.
1796
01:13:00,342 --> 01:13:02,503
MALCOLM:
Kisha! Kisha!
1797
01:13:03,312 --> 01:13:05,280
Kisha! Oh, my God.
1798
01:13:05,614 --> 01:13:08,310
(PANTING)
(GROANING ECHOES)
1799
01:13:09,284 --> 01:13:10,546
Kisha?
1800
01:13:11,286 --> 01:13:12,344
(THUDDING)
1801
01:13:12,521 --> 01:13:13,886
Kisha?
1802
01:13:16,658 --> 01:13:18,319
Oh, hey, buddy, you made it.
1803
01:13:18,494 --> 01:13:22,362
Grab a finger sandwich,
they're delish!
1804
01:13:22,531 --> 01:13:24,021
About time you came up in here.
1805
01:13:24,199 --> 01:13:26,633
'Cause there ain't no party
like a mandingo party.
1806
01:13:26,802 --> 01:13:29,362
'Cause a mandingo
party don't stop.
1807
01:13:29,538 --> 01:13:31,836
Drink up, sweetheart.
You need some water?
1808
01:13:31,907 --> 01:13:32,931
Mmm.
You're next, Malcolm.
1809
01:13:33,008 --> 01:13:34,441
Where are you going?
Hey, don't let her down.
1810
01:13:34,510 --> 01:13:35,499
It's her birthday.
1811
01:13:35,611 --> 01:13:36,600
MALCOLM: Oh, God.
1812
01:13:36,678 --> 01:13:38,145
Hey, did you find Kisha?
1813
01:13:38,313 --> 01:13:39,507
Uh, no, she's not in there.
1814
01:13:39,581 --> 01:13:40,570
You sure?
What's going on in there?
1815
01:13:40,649 --> 01:13:41,638
Uh, nothing at all.
1816
01:13:41,717 --> 01:13:42,877
Is that a mandingo party?
No.
1817
01:13:42,951 --> 01:13:45,010
Man, I wanna get
my Kunta Kinte on.
1818
01:13:46,588 --> 01:13:47,816
MALCOLM: Kisha?
1819
01:13:49,691 --> 01:13:50,919
Kisha?
1820
01:13:53,729 --> 01:13:54,718
Oh, shit!
1821
01:13:54,797 --> 01:13:55,821
MALCOLM: Baby?
1822
01:13:55,964 --> 01:13:57,090
(GUNSHOTS)
1823
01:13:57,232 --> 01:13:59,325
Oh, my God!
What did you do?
1824
01:13:59,401 --> 01:14:00,959
Shit, I did you a favor.
1825
01:14:01,069 --> 01:14:02,263
(GROANS, COUGHS)
1826
01:14:02,337 --> 01:14:04,669
MALCOLM: Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Rosa!
1827
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:06,899
I just wanted my
last check, Malcolm.
1828
01:14:07,075 --> 01:14:08,906
Oh, my God,
you shot my housekeeper.
1829
01:14:08,977 --> 01:14:10,444
You mean,
your ex-housekeeper.
1830
01:14:10,512 --> 01:14:12,912
Look, man, the bitch can't be
jumping out on me like that.
1831
01:14:12,981 --> 01:14:14,846
You ain't gonna tell nobody, right?
I got warrants.
1832
01:14:14,917 --> 01:14:16,282
CHIP:
Hurry, she's in here.
1833
01:14:16,351 --> 01:14:17,909
Come on, guys.
1834
01:14:18,086 --> 01:14:19,246
MALCOLM: Kisha!
1835
01:14:19,321 --> 01:14:21,289
DAN: We got her cornered.
Baby.
1836
01:14:21,423 --> 01:14:23,084
Father, do something.
Oh, my God!
1837
01:14:23,492 --> 01:14:24,789
(ALL SCREAM)
1838
01:14:25,828 --> 01:14:27,557
Man, that demon is a freak.
1839
01:14:27,729 --> 01:14:29,720
Yeah, the crazy ones
always got the best pussy.
1840
01:14:29,832 --> 01:14:32,130
The moon landing was fake.
1841
01:14:32,201 --> 01:14:33,225
What?
1842
01:14:33,435 --> 01:14:35,869
Biggie and Tupac
1843
01:14:36,038 --> 01:14:37,835
are alive.
1844
01:14:38,407 --> 01:14:41,467
Paul Ryan will be
the next president.
1845
01:14:41,610 --> 01:14:43,407
(SNICKERS) The demon lies.
1846
01:14:43,579 --> 01:14:44,807
Well, except for
the thing about Tupac.
1847
01:14:44,913 --> 01:14:46,141
He is alive. He's got a
new album coming out.
1848
01:14:46,248 --> 01:14:47,579
What the fuck is going on here?
1849
01:14:47,649 --> 01:14:49,640
There's an exorcism
happening, people!
1850
01:14:49,718 --> 01:14:51,117
(PANTING)
1851
01:14:52,554 --> 01:14:54,613
The power of Christ compels you.
(DEMONIC GROAN)
1852
01:14:54,690 --> 01:14:56,715
The power of
Christ compels you.
1853
01:14:56,892 --> 01:14:58,154
What is that, holy water?
1854
01:14:58,260 --> 01:15:01,923
No, it's a new cologne from
Khloe and Lamar. It's unisex.
1855
01:15:02,097 --> 01:15:03,724
(SNIFFS) I can smell Lamar.
1856
01:15:03,899 --> 01:15:05,332
Get her!
(SCREAMING)
1857
01:15:06,735 --> 01:15:08,430
(ALL SCREAM) Baby!
1858
01:15:08,537 --> 01:15:09,629
(ROARS)
1859
01:15:09,838 --> 01:15:12,102
Oh! She knows some of
that Spider-Man shit!
1860
01:15:12,207 --> 01:15:13,367
(ROARS)
1861
01:15:13,475 --> 01:15:14,499
(ALL SCREAMING)
1862
01:15:14,610 --> 01:15:15,804
CHIP: Oh, my God!
1863
01:15:15,944 --> 01:15:17,172
MALCOLM: It's got me!
1864
01:15:17,346 --> 01:15:19,211
MALCOLM: Chip!
I'm afraid of the dark.
1865
01:15:19,381 --> 01:15:21,042
Why do have your
hand on my balls?
1866
01:15:21,216 --> 01:15:23,446
I'm protecting
them from spirits.
1867
01:15:23,619 --> 01:15:24,847
Get off of me!
1868
01:15:25,020 --> 01:15:26,419
There she is!
1869
01:15:26,622 --> 01:15:27,782
MALCOLM: (SCREAMING)
She's going to the basement.
1870
01:15:27,856 --> 01:15:31,553
Bobby? Oh, my God!
Bobby, my brother's gone!
1871
01:15:31,693 --> 01:15:32,921
Oh, my God! Let's go!
1872
01:15:33,061 --> 01:15:34,358
DOUG: Bobby?
CHIP: Bobby?
1873
01:15:34,429 --> 01:15:35,453
DAN: Bobby?
1874
01:15:35,531 --> 01:15:37,396
CHIP: This is dark. DOUG: I
don't wanna go down here.
1875
01:15:37,499 --> 01:15:40,297
MALCOLM: Kisha! Look at
all these weird markings.
1876
01:15:40,402 --> 01:15:42,029
DAN: Kisha was here.
She has a sign.
1877
01:15:42,271 --> 01:15:43,761
CHIP: Bobby!
1878
01:15:45,207 --> 01:15:47,505
MALCOLM:
Oh, my God! She got Bobby!
1879
01:15:48,844 --> 01:15:50,869
Actually, that's
just Bobby taking a pee.
1880
01:15:51,046 --> 01:15:52,411
(URINATING)
MALCOLM: What?
1881
01:15:53,048 --> 01:15:54,572
MALCOLM:
Oh, come on, that's gross.
1882
01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:56,081
Kisha!
Kisha.
1883
01:15:56,251 --> 01:15:57,946
Kisha.
Show yourself.
1884
01:15:58,186 --> 01:16:00,416
Baby? Come on,
you gotta stay close.
1885
01:16:00,589 --> 01:16:03,217
What is this, a Shake
Weight and a Thighmaster?
1886
01:16:03,392 --> 01:16:04,416
Nice.
1887
01:16:04,493 --> 01:16:05,755
Back the train up.
You got a Flowbee?
1888
01:16:05,928 --> 01:16:07,968
Hey, it all looks good
at 2:00 in the morning, okay?
1889
01:16:08,063 --> 01:16:10,088
Hey, look, Malcolm,
one's white and one's black.
1890
01:16:10,265 --> 01:16:11,596
Guess which one you are.
BOB: Black one.
1891
01:16:11,767 --> 01:16:14,861
What the hell? Can we just
go find my girl, please?
1892
01:16:14,937 --> 01:16:15,926
Thank you.
1893
01:16:17,573 --> 01:16:19,006
BOB: Kisha!
Bobby!
1894
01:16:19,174 --> 01:16:21,165
Would you shut the fuck up?
What are you doing?
1895
01:16:21,343 --> 01:16:22,901
Come on.
1896
01:16:23,946 --> 01:16:25,743
(WHISPERING) Go, go, go.
1897
01:16:25,847 --> 01:16:27,940
(SCREECHING IN DISTANCE)
1898
01:16:28,383 --> 01:16:29,611
DOUG: What was that?
1899
01:16:30,252 --> 01:16:31,378
(ALL SCREAMING)
1900
01:16:31,620 --> 01:16:33,087
Christ, that bitch is scary.
1901
01:16:33,555 --> 01:16:34,817
MALCOLM:
I dropped the camera!
1902
01:16:35,791 --> 01:16:37,224
Fellas? (PANTING)
1903
01:16:40,062 --> 01:16:41,256
Kisha.
1904
01:16:42,130 --> 01:16:43,256
(RATTLES)
1905
01:16:43,765 --> 01:16:45,027
(GRUNTS)
1906
01:16:51,640 --> 01:16:55,041
(WHISPERING)
Malcolm? Malcolm?
1907
01:16:56,712 --> 01:17:01,081
It's me, Chip the Psychic.
Malcolm?
1908
01:17:03,719 --> 01:17:05,209
It's me, Chip.
1909
01:17:05,420 --> 01:17:06,478
Yoo-hoo.
1910
01:17:07,623 --> 01:17:08,885
(CLATTERS)
1911
01:17:09,124 --> 01:17:12,423
MALCOLM: Okay, I found the camera.
What are you guys doing?
1912
01:17:12,527 --> 01:17:13,619
This shit is real, son.
1913
01:17:13,695 --> 01:17:14,753
Yeah.
1914
01:17:14,896 --> 01:17:16,591
MALCOLM:
Chip, why are you naked?
1915
01:17:16,765 --> 01:17:18,289
What the hell?
Hey!
1916
01:17:18,467 --> 01:17:20,435
It got really hot in here.
1917
01:17:20,602 --> 01:17:22,866
Oh, no. Where's Bobby?
1918
01:17:23,071 --> 01:17:24,595
(SCREAMS)
1919
01:17:25,073 --> 01:17:26,301
Found my Walkman.
1920
01:17:26,375 --> 01:17:27,433
(KISHA CRYING)
1921
01:17:27,509 --> 01:17:30,603
Kisha? Baby, are you okay?
1922
01:17:30,746 --> 01:17:32,077
DOUG: Leave her alone.
Don't touch her.
1923
01:17:32,147 --> 01:17:33,375
MALCOLM: Why?
1924
01:17:33,482 --> 01:17:35,006
'Cause she's like
that witch in Left 4 Dead
1925
01:17:35,083 --> 01:17:36,603
sitting in the corner
crying like that.
1926
01:17:36,652 --> 01:17:38,313
You touch her,
she gonna attack your ass.
1927
01:17:38,387 --> 01:17:39,979
MALCOLM: I can't just
leave her, man.
1928
01:17:40,088 --> 01:17:43,455
Kisha? Baby?
It'll be okay, all right?
1929
01:17:43,959 --> 01:17:44,948
(LAUGHS DEMONICALLY)
1930
01:17:45,027 --> 01:17:46,016
(ROARS)
1931
01:17:47,062 --> 01:17:49,087
(SCREAMING)
Get off my man, bitch!
1932
01:17:49,398 --> 01:17:50,660
(SCREAMING)
1933
01:17:51,433 --> 01:17:53,993
(THUDDING) DAN: You wanna fight?
Take that, demon!
1934
01:17:54,836 --> 01:17:56,167
Elbow smash!
1935
01:17:56,405 --> 01:17:57,429
Ooh!
1936
01:17:57,973 --> 01:17:59,463
DAN: Harder!
Beast!
1937
01:18:00,909 --> 01:18:02,069
Take that, demon!
1938
01:18:02,377 --> 01:18:03,935
Fucking bitch, take that.
1939
01:18:04,379 --> 01:18:05,403
(LAUGHING)
1940
01:18:05,480 --> 01:18:06,601
That demon can take a punch.
1941
01:18:06,615 --> 01:18:07,639
That's enough.
1942
01:18:08,417 --> 01:18:09,884
Baby?
KISHA: Malcolm.
1943
01:18:10,052 --> 01:18:12,111
I think she's okay.
Maybe not!
1944
01:18:12,220 --> 01:18:13,278
(GROWLS)
1945
01:18:14,623 --> 01:18:15,988
I won't tell on you,
you don't tell on me.
1946
01:18:16,158 --> 01:18:17,147
Understand me?
1947
01:18:17,225 --> 01:18:18,317
You weren't here,
I wasn't here.
1948
01:18:18,427 --> 01:18:19,587
I'll take the blame.
I'll take the blame.
1949
01:18:19,661 --> 01:18:21,720
Okay, good. Hey!
1950
01:18:21,797 --> 01:18:23,230
Man, put some clothes on!
1951
01:18:23,865 --> 01:18:25,196
(STATIC)
1952
01:18:33,108 --> 01:18:34,507
(TOILET FLUSHES)
1953
01:18:35,610 --> 01:18:36,975
Hey.
Hey.
1954
01:18:37,145 --> 01:18:39,613
You know what? This Angry
Birds is kind of fun.
1955
01:18:39,781 --> 01:18:41,408
I told you.
(CHUCKLES) I like it.
1956
01:18:41,583 --> 01:18:43,210
Look at you looking all pretty.
1957
01:18:43,385 --> 01:18:46,786
Oh, this? It's just a little
something I put on for my man.
1958
01:18:46,955 --> 01:18:48,286
Oh, lucky him.
1959
01:18:48,490 --> 01:18:49,923
Oh. Ow...
1960
01:18:49,991 --> 01:18:51,458
Malcolm.
What? What? What?
1961
01:18:51,626 --> 01:18:53,253
My ribs are
still a little sore.
1962
01:18:53,428 --> 01:18:56,295
I'm sorry. We did beat the
hell out of you, girl.
1963
01:18:56,465 --> 01:18:58,465
We was just trying to get the demon out.
I'm sorry.
1964
01:18:58,500 --> 01:19:02,061
No, I'm sorry for bringing
that thing into your house.
1965
01:19:02,237 --> 01:19:03,898
Our house.
1966
01:19:04,506 --> 01:19:05,598
Mmm!
1967
01:19:07,509 --> 01:19:10,808
Malcolm? Is the camera on?
Mm-hmm?
1968
01:19:12,247 --> 01:19:13,407
(GROANS)
1969
01:19:14,416 --> 01:19:15,610
Fine.
1970
01:19:16,151 --> 01:19:17,243
Good.
1971
01:19:19,654 --> 01:19:20,985
Come here.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
1972
01:19:22,991 --> 01:19:25,516
(MALCOLM SPED UP) Take like
that, take it like that.
1973
01:19:25,694 --> 01:19:27,457
Oh, my God, I hit the bottom.
1974
01:19:27,629 --> 01:19:30,189
Oh, yeah, take that.
Who's your dirty daddy?
1975
01:19:30,298 --> 01:19:31,424
(KISHA SQUEALING)
1976
01:19:33,268 --> 01:19:35,236
(KISHA GROANING)
1977
01:19:35,303 --> 01:19:36,827
Oh, God.
1978
01:19:37,005 --> 01:19:39,269
I got a cramp.
(GROANS) Don't touch it.
1979
01:20:17,112 --> 01:20:18,875
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
1980
01:20:22,450 --> 01:20:24,077
(KISHA SCREAMS)
1981
01:20:24,319 --> 01:20:25,479
(HUFFS)
1982
01:20:25,554 --> 01:20:28,455
Malcolm!
1983
01:20:28,623 --> 01:20:31,251
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm coming.
1984
01:20:31,426 --> 01:20:32,586
Shit.
1985
01:20:37,032 --> 01:20:39,262
Malcolm!
1986
01:20:39,434 --> 01:20:42,198
I heard you the first time.
Damn.
1987
01:20:45,707 --> 01:20:47,106
(ROARING)
1988
01:20:52,380 --> 01:20:55,872
(SNIFFING)
1989
01:20:55,951 --> 01:20:58,078
(FARTS)
1990
01:21:02,958 --> 01:21:04,323
(ROARS)
1991
01:21:07,429 --> 01:21:08,828
(STATIC)
1992
01:21:16,938 --> 01:21:18,428
She's gone.
(CHUCKLES)
1993
01:21:22,043 --> 01:21:24,637
Yeah, baby, I lived!
I lived.
1994
01:21:24,813 --> 01:21:26,940
In your face.
In your face!
1995
01:21:27,115 --> 01:21:28,810
You thought you'd move
into my house and kill me?
1996
01:21:28,984 --> 01:21:30,178
What?
1997
01:21:30,318 --> 01:21:31,512
(LAUGHS)
1998
01:21:32,988 --> 01:21:34,717
She's right behind me,
isn't she?
1999
01:21:34,856 --> 01:21:36,255
(SCREAMS)
2000
01:21:37,192 --> 01:21:39,626
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
2001
01:23:21,730 --> 01:23:22,856
Oh, yeah.
2002
01:23:23,031 --> 01:23:25,761
We gonna need a wide angle for
some of these aerial tricks.
2003
01:23:25,934 --> 01:23:28,198
All right, I call
this one "The Superman."
2004
01:23:28,303 --> 01:23:29,429
(GRUNTS)
2005
01:23:29,571 --> 01:23:33,007
Pile driver! (GRUNTS) Take that.
Take that.
2006
01:23:33,308 --> 01:23:34,570
Oh! Oh!
2007
01:23:34,976 --> 01:23:36,568
(BRAYS)
2008
01:23:36,978 --> 01:23:39,071
Can I get you
something to drink, Father?
2009
01:23:39,681 --> 01:23:41,581
Yeah, Hennessy, straight.
2010
01:23:41,750 --> 01:23:43,650
Oh, you got Hpnotiq?
I like to mix them.
2011
01:23:44,252 --> 01:23:46,117
Uh, I was talking about water.
2012
01:23:46,354 --> 01:23:49,551
Water? I don't drink that bullshit.
What the fuck?
2013
01:23:49,724 --> 01:23:51,658
Yeah, my show is gonna be huge.
2014
01:23:51,993 --> 01:23:54,860
I'm gonna get my house back.
I'm gonna get a girlfriend.
2015
01:23:55,030 --> 01:23:56,327
I'm gonna be successful.
2016
01:23:56,398 --> 01:24:00,562
Did you just hope
and dream out loud?
2017
01:24:02,037 --> 01:24:04,528
All hopes and dreams are out loud.
That's the camera show.
2018
01:24:05,140 --> 01:24:07,836
Oh, this is called "68,"
and I owe you one.
2019
01:24:08,043 --> 01:24:11,240
(GRUNTS) You're crazy, girl.
Yeah, I'll fart in your face.
2020
01:24:12,013 --> 01:24:15,107
(GRUNTS) Take that.
Now we gonna make some love.
2021
01:24:15,283 --> 01:24:16,580
But I ain't gonna
kiss you on your mouth
2022
01:24:16,651 --> 01:24:18,312
'cause I just
farted in your face.
2023
01:24:18,420 --> 01:24:21,685
Here's the thing. A lot of
people think penises are scary.
2024
01:24:21,823 --> 01:24:25,122
They're not, unless it has a gun.
Then that's horrifying.
2025
01:24:25,293 --> 01:24:28,285
90% of penises
don't carry a gun.
2026
01:24:28,463 --> 01:24:30,454
Oh, my God. What?
2027
01:24:30,532 --> 01:24:31,521
That's a fact.
2028
01:24:31,800 --> 01:24:33,665
But I'm gonna tell you
this, don't ever,
2029
01:24:33,735 --> 01:24:35,532
ever let a man put
his hands on you.
2030
01:24:35,703 --> 01:24:37,933
Unless he
paying the bills. Aah!
2031
01:24:38,006 --> 01:24:39,837
Domestic violence is amazing.
2032
01:24:40,275 --> 01:24:41,537
(MOANING)
2033
01:24:42,777 --> 01:24:45,007
Gonna burn me.
2034
01:24:46,047 --> 01:24:47,139
(MOANS)
2035
01:24:49,317 --> 01:24:52,718
I'm sorry. Shh. Shh.
Take it.
2036
01:24:53,288 --> 01:24:54,550
Ooh.
2037
01:24:55,857 --> 01:24:57,119
Ooh!
2038
01:24:57,192 --> 01:25:00,787
This is one bad
picture right here, nigger.
2039
01:25:00,862 --> 01:25:04,229
This a fine motherfucker right here, boy.
This is dope.
2040
01:25:04,299 --> 01:25:05,539
You know what I'd do with this?
2041
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:07,431
Do you know what
I'd do with this?
2042
01:25:07,502 --> 01:25:10,471
All this area, all this
carpet, this ottoman,
2043
01:25:10,572 --> 01:25:11,664
I'd be all over it.
2044
01:25:11,840 --> 01:25:13,205
What are these?
2045
01:25:13,441 --> 01:25:15,170
MALCOLM:
Those are my boxers.
2046
01:25:15,343 --> 01:25:16,742
Fascinating.
2047
01:25:17,011 --> 01:25:18,740
(SNIFFS) Oh, yes.
2048
01:25:19,013 --> 01:25:21,709
His methods are so unorthodox.
2049
01:25:21,883 --> 01:25:23,851
(STAMMERS)
That's my girlfriend.
2050
01:25:24,052 --> 01:25:25,781
Ah...
Kisha.
2051
01:25:25,887 --> 01:25:28,720
That's a crazy bitch name all day.
You can google it.
2052
01:25:28,823 --> 01:25:32,987
Top five crazy bitch names.
Kisha, Alisha, Djuana.
2053
01:25:33,161 --> 01:25:36,130
You say that out loud, and
you're already scared, right?
2054
01:25:36,264 --> 01:25:37,663
Are you done?
2055
01:25:37,799 --> 01:25:39,562
Let's go.
Let's go save the bitch.157671
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