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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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So if you elect me
to the Board of Supervisors. . .
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. . .l will work to integrate your wisdom
and your experience into the--
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lnto the--
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lnto the running
of the city of San Francisco.
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-They're not listening.
-Yes, they are. You're doing fine.
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Anybody from out of town?
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Any birthdays?
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Any surgery you'd like to talk about?
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-See?
-Go back to the speech.
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Because in every culture except ours,
the elderly are revered. . .
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. . .and considered a national treasure.
And l believe that--
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l believe that you have so much to give,
that you have a special responsibility. . .
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. . .to shape the future of our city.
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lf only someone
would give you a chance.
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Excuse me.
That is very nice. . .
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. . .but l'm trying
to make a speech here, okay?
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When l was a little girl. . .
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. . .some of my fondest memories were
sitting on my great-grandmother's knee. . .
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. . .and l can remember being in awe
of all the things she knew. . .
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. . .and all the places she had--
What is the matter with you people?
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l'm trying to bring some dignity
and some quality. . .
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. . .into the few years that you have left.
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This can't be news to you.
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Well, you got them now.
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Vote for Dharma.
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Thanks for the pudding.
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-l stunk.
-No, you didn't.
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Oh, come on, those old people
hated my speech.
29
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Well, telling them
they were all gonna die soon. . .
30
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. . .wasn't exactly, ''l have a dream. ''
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lt doesn't matter what l said. . .
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. . .they just wanted to party
like it was 1 929.
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Why didn't you talk about your idea
for a senior education center?
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They made me mad,
l took it away from them.
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Plus, Greg, what if l can't get
the city to build one?
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-l don't wanna lie to them.
-You don't have to lie.
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All you have to do
is say something like:
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''lmagine a San Francisco with
a brand new senior education center. ''
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Or, ''No one knows better
than l, the importance. . .
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. . .of continuing education to seniors. ''
See what l said there?
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-Nothing.
-Exactly.
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We both know that you'll do great things
once you get elected. . .
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. . .but first you have to get elected,
and this is how you do it.
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Well, Greg, don't you think people
are tired of being manipulated?
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Honey, l love that you believe that.
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And when you speak from your heart. . .
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. . .your face just glows
with an incredible inner beauty.
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Really?
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Thanks.
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You suck. You really suck.
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And l believe, as l'm sure you all do,
that those of us. . .
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. . .who have been blessed with more
should take care of those in need.
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l mean, in fact, we should be thankful for
the opportunity to help the less fortunate.
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Sounds like a toilet upstairs is running.
55
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But let's face it, no one knows
better than l that you feel. . .
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. . .that the people paying the taxes
should decide. . .
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. . .how that money is spent.
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lmagine a city where responsible people
held the purse strings.
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As someone once said, ''lf poor people
knew how to spend money. . .
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. . .they wouldn't be poor. ''
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And remember,
when you're voting for me. . .
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. . .you are voting for one of your own.
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You are voting for a Montgomery.
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-One of your own?
-Smile and wave, Kitty, smile and wave.
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And no one knows better than l
that what you want is a government. . .
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. . .that provides food and shelter
for the sick, for the homeless. . .
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. . .and the musicians,
and the performance artists. . .
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. . .and those who just need some time
to get their heads together, man.
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00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,918
And when you're voting for me,
you're voting for one of your own.
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The illegitimate daughter
of two free souls.
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And in conclusion, let me say
that no one knows better than me. . .
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. . .and my close friend Jane. . .
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. . .the special needs of the gay
and lesbian community.
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-Where did you get the pit hair?
-Cut it off the dog.
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-Nice.
-Yeah.
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What are you doing?
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We're helping Dharma.
Come on, give me a little sugar.
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l'm sorry, honey.
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That wasn't my best work.
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Are you kidding?
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Honey, l never even knew
that sex with you could be like that.
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Really? lt was-- lt was okay?
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Oh, what just happened between us,
just now, could never be called okay.
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Now, l think somebody
needs to get some rest.
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-Goddess bless you.
-Thank you.
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Dharma, look at this. You got a thousand
dollar check from the Sierra Club.
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National Organization of Women, $500.
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Wow, look at that signature.
Somebody's angry.
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-What's this from the Young Republicans?
-Junk mail.
90
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Gadzooks, l wonder what
the Old Republicans give.
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-Hey, everybody.
-Hey, Greg, look at this.
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l'm getting money from everybody.
Look, they hate each other.
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But they love Dharma.
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-Are you feeling all right?
-l feel great.
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You're burning up.
Abby, does she feel hot to you?
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-Oh, my goodness, she does.
-Should l call a doctor?
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Greg, l'm a licensed holistic healer
and an aromatherapist.
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l think l can handle this.
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Okay, Dharma, is there some sort
of internal conflict going on?
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No, we're all getting along
just fine in here.
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Well, your glands are swollen.
Do you have some unexpressed guilt?
102
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What does guilt have to do with it?
103
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Please, Greg,
l don't tell you how to practice law.
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-Dharma?
-l don't feel guilty about anything.
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You know what, Greg shot a deer once.
Why don't you talk to him?
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lt attacked me.
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Dharma, your body
is trying to tell you something.
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-You're running a temperature.
-lt's just a bug. No big deal.
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Yeah, well, a bug only flies in
when there's a hole. . .
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. . .in the screen door of your soul.
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lsn't that right, Greg?
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l don't know. l'm not a doctor.
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Listen, l have a big fundraiser tonight.
So if you really wanna help me. . .
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. . .whip me up a batch of your famous
eucalyptus snot-buster tea, okay?
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Dharma, you're gonna get sicker if you
don't deal with what's bothering you.
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Thanks for putting that vibe out there.
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lt's not my vibe, it's your karma.
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Right?
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You're preaching to the choir, Abby.
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My opponent talks about
using tax dollars to beautify our city.
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But l ask you,
plastic surgeons of San Francisco. . .
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. . .how about using some of those
tax dollars to beautify our citizens?
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l don't care how many trees
you plant in Golden Gate Park. . .
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. . .it's not gonna hide
those ugly people.
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And in conclusion. . . .
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When was the last time
you went to a doctor?
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This is my first time,
so make a good impression.
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Giddyup, western medicine,
make me well.
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l could write a prescription, but
your symptoms seem to be stress-related.
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Great, so how about a big old
honking bottle of anti-stress-tamines?
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l think he's saying
that you need to slow down.
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Are you kidding me, Greg? l have
a TV interview in a couple of hours.
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-So, doc, are you for HMOs?
-No, l'm not.
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And why would you be?
Here, have a button.
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Don't forget to vote on Tuesday.
What do you got, some antibiotics?
136
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Some hush-hush experimental drug
only monkeys get?
137
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Mrs. Montgomery, have you ever
considered something like meditation?
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Oh, dude, you sound like my mother.
Now come on, hook me up!
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Do you have any tranquilizers?
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-No, l don't need tranquilizers.
-They're for me.
141
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Well, that's a very interesting offer.
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Rather than running against each other,
we might be able to work together.
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-l'll take it up with my wife.
-We'll be ready in two minutes.
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Thank you. l can't guarantee anything
because from the polls she looks good.
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-Real good.
-Better than ever.
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Well, well, well.
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lf it isn't my worthy opponent.
Hi there, Ms. Love.
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Oh, my God.
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-Dharma, you have a hump.
-Oh, no, it's an ice pack.
150
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l threw my neck out sneezing.
151
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-What's wrong with your leg?
-lt's no big deal, it's just a touch of gout.
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Gout?
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lt's gout season.
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So, what's going on here?
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You cannot go on like this. . .
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. . .and Ms. Love was talking to us
about possibly brokering a deal.
157
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lf you drop out of the race,
l'll bring you on as an advisor.
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lt's a guaranteed way to participate
and get your issues addressed.
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And then maybe
you can rest and get well.
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Are you crazy?
Why don't you drop out and advise me?
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-You want advice? Take this deal.
-l didn't give you the job yet, sister.
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Well, l suggest that
you carefully consider my offer.
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You know what? You're scared.
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l'm breathing down your neck
and you're scared.
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My own parents, my husband. . .
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. . .turning against me.
167
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:31,717
Honey, we're not--
We're not turning against you.
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We're concerned about you.
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We love you, Dharma.
We wanna help you.
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That's why we've turned against you.
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You know what? That's fine.
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lf you're not gonna believe in me,
l'll just do this on my own.
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-Dharma.
-Honey, are you all right?
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-Oh, no, it's fine, it's fine. Walk it off.
-Come on.
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And that's why the voters of
San Francisco should not consider this. . .
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. . .just another local election.
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But as an opportunity
to make a difference in our beloved. . .
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. . .city.
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00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,518
That was Karen Love,
candidate for the Board of Supervisors.
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-Thanks so much for being with us.
-Thanks so much for having me.
181
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,950
And now let's hear from our other
candidate, Ms. Dharma Montgomery.
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00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,236
Hi, Sally, it's great to be here.
183
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Dharma, what sets you apart
from the other candidates?
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00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,756
Well, l'm glad you asked.
185
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:40,873
l am the only candidate
offering San Francisco a change. . .
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. . .without challenging the status quo.
187
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,598
That makes no sense.
188
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And nobody knows that better than l.
189
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Are you okay?
190
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Fine, just a little case of the hiccups.
191
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lmagine a San Francisco--
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Okay, l give up. You win, you win.
l can't take it anymore.
193
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:09,153
-Who are you talking to?
-My body. lt's mad at me.
194
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All right, you know what?
Listen, l lied, all right?
195
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l'm not a Republican, hippie, Teamster,
lesbian descendent. . .
196
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. . .of black disabled sharecroppers.
197
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l just said that
because l wanted everybody to like me.
198
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:29,232
l'm just a big old one-eyed,
pussy, pimply liar.
199
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But then again, she's no prize either.
200
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Honey, honey, honey.
201
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Oh, God, and l even-- My own husband.
l lied to my own husband.
202
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,752
Honey, l'm sorry.
l should have been honest with you.
203
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The sex the other night was just awful.
204
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Here's the part l don't get.
205
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lf he can afford rocket-powered skates. . .
206
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,957
. . .why can't he go out
and buy himself dinner?
207
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,435
lt's a metaphor.
We always want what we can't have.
208
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,950
Oh, look, he painted a tunnel.
209
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,394
Edward, but you are supposed
to be looking for the election results.
210
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,235
They'll break into the cartoon
as soon as something important happens.
211
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,916
Come on, honey.
Everybody's waiting for you.
212
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,200
Why are we having a victory party?
l'm not gonna win.
213
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,679
We call it a victory party.
214
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,310
How come you don't turn into
a pussy-eyed freak when you lie?
215
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,438
l'm a lawyer.
216
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,428
Come on. All your friends are out there
and most of them voted for you.
217
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:54,388
-Most of them?
-Honey, you looked like Quasimodo.
218
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,513
Can l have
everyone's attention, please?
219
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,833
l just wanna thank you
for all your hard work on the campaign.
220
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,436
And in my renewed spirit of honesty. . .
221
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:09,433
. . .l just wanna say,
wow, did l blow this.
222
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:12,790
No, no, no, really.
l let you guys down.
223
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,431
l mean, look at it. l mean, eight weeks
out of your life. . .gone.
224
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:21,628
l mean, you could have learned to swing
dance or gotten a real-estate license. . .
225
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,872
. . .but no, you hopped
on the down-bound train to loser town.
226
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:28,828
-What the hell were you people thinking?
-Let's hear it for our candidate, okay?
227
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,830
Oh, wait, the returns are coming in.
228
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,992
Despite Dhaarmaa Montgomery's
staartling confession eaarlier this week...
229
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:39,311
...exit polls show she's gaaining ground
on front-runner Kaaren Love.
230
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:42,354
Appaarently, Ms. Montgomery knew
whaat voters waanted to heaar.
231
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:47,071
I'm just aa big old one-eyed,
pussy, pimply liaar.
232
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,389
-Gaining ground?
-What? l mean, are they crazy?
233
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,472
Dharma, they're responding
to your honesty.
234
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,473
Honey, I'm sorry.
I should haave been honest with you.
235
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,837
The sex the other night waas just aawful.
236
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,594
How many times
are they gonna show that clip?
237
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,316
Till it stops being funny.
238
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,155
Dharma, dear. . .
239
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:19,394
. . .l forgot to give you
this campaign contribution. Silly me.
240
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,510
-Kitty, did you just write this?
-No, no, no. Look at the date.
241
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,909
You know, dear, l was wondering,
you know those emergency vehicles?
242
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,594
Any way you could get them
to turn the siren down. . .
243
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,512
. . .when they pass
through my neighborhood?
244
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:33,989
ls this a bribe?
245
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,239
Would you do it for free?
246
00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,349
Kit, l'm sorry.
247
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,718
lf you want my help, you're gonna have
to be nice to me like everybody else.
248
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:46,759
Dharma, take the check back.
Please, Dharma.
249
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,150
Well, this looks like
it's gonnaa be aa tight raace.
250
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,517
With 45 percent of the vote counted,
it's still too close to caall.
251
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,955
-Still too close to call.
-lt's too close to call.
252
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,992
lt's too close to call.
253
00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,516
-Come on, Kitty, who's your buddy?
-Well.
254
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,359
All right.
255
00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:12,393
lt's too close to call, it's too close to call,
it's too close to call, it's too close to call.
256
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,197
With 75 percent of the vote in...
257
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:20,355
...it looks like our big old pussy,
one-eyed, pimply liaar haas aa slight edge.
258
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,431
-That's me.
-That's you.
259
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:28,351
lf l knew it was gonna be this close,
l would have registered to vote.
260
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,592
Of course,
then they'd know where l am.
261
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,836
Where are you, Larry?
262
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,318
With 93 percent of the vote in...
263
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,755
... we're confident
thaat we caan project aa winner.
264
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:47,196
It's been aan interesting raace,
full of excitement aand aa lot of surprises.
265
00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:49,920
In faact, it reminds me
of the laast Supervisor's election...
266
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,230
-Oh, just say it.
-... which caame down to the wire.
267
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,595
But tonight, we haave aa cleaar winner.
268
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:56,239
-Say my name.
-Kaaren Love.
269
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,469
That's not my name.
270
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,874
No, no, no,
only 93 percent of the votes are in.
271
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,110
-Listen--
-lf the other 7 percent voted for me. . .
272
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:05,759
-. . .you never know.
-Honey, sorry.
273
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,797
I should haave been honest with you.
274
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:11,919
The sex the other night waas just aawful.
275
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:16,951
lt's still funny.
276
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:23,593
-Come on, honey, it's over.
-Not yet.
277
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,719
-Dharma, 98 percent of the vote is in.
-No, 2 percent is still a lot.
278
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,633
Have you ever had 2-percent milk?
lt's still very fatty.
279
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:35,319
--election for the Boaard of Supervisors
caame down to the wire tonight...
280
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,119
... with Kaaren Love the eventuaal victor.
281
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:46,789
Hey.
282
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,033
l lost.
283
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,512
l'm sorry.
284
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,199
What you doing?
285
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:07,318
l'm going to
congratulate my opponent.
286
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,949
Hey, Karen, it's Dharma.
287
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,078
You know, l just want you to know
it was a really great race. . .
288
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,754
. . .and l wish you a lot of luck.
289
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,558
Yeah, and, oh, l was also wondering. . .
290
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,076
. . .do you think it's too late for me to take
that deal where l'm your advisor?
291
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,273
She called me a lunatic.
292
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,396
lt's 4 in the morning.
293
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:39,075
lt's 4 in the morning here too.
You don't hear me calling her names.
294
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:43,957
-You'll get them next time.
-No, it's too much work for nothing.
295
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,109
You're probably right.
296
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,032
-lf l run again, it'll be for mayor.
-No.
297
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,595
-Mayor Dharma.
-No.
298
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,671
You can't say no to me
because l'm the mayor.
299
00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:54,592
-Now, take off your pants.
-Yes, Your Honor.
300
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,079
Over your head.
301
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,511
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302
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,671
[ENGLlSH]
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