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1
00:00:04,279 --> 00:00:05,424
OK. So I'm Kim,
2
00:00:05,835 --> 00:00:09,073
a 15-year-old gay virgin
obsessed with my best friend Sugar,
3
00:00:09,147 --> 00:00:10,451
the bling bike of Brighton.
4
00:00:10,753 --> 00:00:14,269
It isn't easy watching the girl you're in love with
throw herself on anything with a dick.
5
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:18,529
It makes you consider stuff that you
wouldn't normally, like date rape and things.
6
00:00:18,861 --> 00:00:20,624
Of course I didn't go actually through with it.
7
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,517
I accidentally almost killed my brother, which
wasn't so bad.
8
00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:26,462
which at least got my fucked-up parents talking.
9
00:00:26,877 --> 00:00:27,994
And it got me a whole night,
10
00:00:28,066 --> 00:00:30,057
albeit a frustratingly platonic one,
11
00:00:30,387 --> 00:00:32,797
in the same bed as the woman of my dreams.
12
00:01:42,566 --> 00:01:44,451
Aren't you coming in ?
It's lovely.
13
00:01:50,707 --> 00:01:51,495
Stella ?
14
00:02:02,636 --> 00:02:07,109
- Maybe we could go to the cinema later ?
- Mmm... Busy.
15
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:16,589
There comes a point in life
when you have to stop deluding yourself.
16
00:02:18,484 --> 00:02:21,617
When you realise that the lies
are getting you nowhere,
17
00:02:22,391 --> 00:02:27,245
tangling you further in your fucked-up
knotted web of deceit.
18
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:29,838
It was time to make a break.
19
00:02:31,119 --> 00:02:32,664
It was time to come clean.
20
00:02:40,071 --> 00:02:42,337
The way I saw it, I had a simple choice.
21
00:02:43,166 --> 00:02:44,341
I could tell her...
22
00:02:49,193 --> 00:02:50,255
I love you.
23
00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,135
Or I could tell her that...
24
00:02:56,817 --> 00:02:58,352
It's over between us.
25
00:02:59,522 --> 00:03:01,398
We can no longer be friends.
26
00:03:03,330 --> 00:03:06,129
One way or another,
I'd move things on between us.
27
00:03:06,605 --> 00:03:07,912
It coudn't go on like this.
28
00:03:08,473 --> 00:03:10,318
It was unhealthy, dangerous.
29
00:03:12,771 --> 00:03:15,205
I was becoming sexually obsessed.
30
00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:22,734
Well ?
31
00:03:23,979 --> 00:03:25,970
Are you gonna stand there gawping
or you are you coming in ?
32
00:03:29,821 --> 00:03:30,653
Crabs.
33
00:03:31,451 --> 00:03:32,637
Vicious little shits.
34
00:03:33,310 --> 00:03:34,964
They're itching enough to drive me mental.
35
00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:37,743
Have I missed a bit on my back ?
36
00:03:40,939 --> 00:03:43,740
- Sod Darren.
- You got them off Darren ?
37
00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:45,406
I don't know, do I ?
38
00:03:45,707 --> 00:03:47,092
They don't come with name tags.
39
00:03:47,878 --> 00:03:50,261
Bet the bastard will chuck us
when he finds out.
40
00:03:51,878 --> 00:03:53,133
I think it was the Donkey.
41
00:03:53,411 --> 00:03:54,838
Darren's best friend ?
42
00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:57,155
Yeah. Always scratching his bits.
43
00:03:58,023 --> 00:04:01,383
Mind you, Ray isn't exactly an angel,
is he ?
44
00:04:07,137 --> 00:04:08,010
Ray ?
45
00:04:09,262 --> 00:04:10,026
Sorry ?
46
00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:13,079
Ray, the doorman. Lost Vegas.
47
00:04:13,657 --> 00:04:16,588
Free entry and half-price drinks, he said.
48
00:04:17,019 --> 00:04:21,039
Didn't mention anything about the plague
of muff nits being thrown into the deal.
49
00:04:21,447 --> 00:04:23,817
The situation was hardly romantic.
50
00:04:23,890 --> 00:04:24,817
So ?
51
00:04:26,071 --> 00:04:27,063
So ?
52
00:04:27,283 --> 00:04:28,399
What did you come round for ?
53
00:04:28,507 --> 00:04:31,945
Somehow my declarations of love
weren't forthcoming.
54
00:04:33,836 --> 00:04:34,576
Nothing.
55
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:37,093
And l was booked for a Brazilian, Saturday.
56
00:04:37,387 --> 00:04:39,299
At least that way they'd have less to hang on to.
57
00:04:46,031 --> 00:04:48,100
It's flammable, you tit.
58
00:04:54,835 --> 00:04:58,382
There was something about the whole
situation that made me uneasy.
59
00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:03,410
I mean, I'd always known what Sugar was like
with men.
60
00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:05,010
Hi, boys.
61
00:05:05,897 --> 00:05:07,181
And sex.
62
00:05:07,583 --> 00:05:09,885
All that stuff I said before about losing it.
63
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,856
I've always been too pissed to remember.
64
00:05:13,368 --> 00:05:15,397
But crabs ? Bush fleas ?
65
00:05:15,546 --> 00:05:17,762
She didn't even know
who she'd caught them off.
66
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:20,242
Sod Darren. The Donkey. Ray.
67
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,441
Was that the type of person I wanted to be with ?
68
00:05:23,583 --> 00:05:29,617
Infestation can be spread by a person
sharing the same bed linen, towels, clothes.
69
00:05:29,906 --> 00:05:33,370
A person sharing the same... bed linen ?
70
00:05:35,351 --> 00:05:36,323
Oh, God.
71
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,930
Just when you thought life couldn't get any worse,
72
00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:45,389
you're a virgin with a sexually-transmitted disease.
73
00:05:46,953 --> 00:05:48,638
Thanks a lot, Sugar, you fucking...
74
00:05:48,970 --> 00:05:50,055
Supper's ready.
75
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,664
Seafood paella.
76
00:06:01,088 --> 00:06:02,965
Just leave what you can't eat.
77
00:06:03,949 --> 00:06:05,784
Stella ? You'd better eat before you go.
78
00:06:06,194 --> 00:06:08,791
If Elaine's that upset,
I doubt she'll be cooking.
79
00:06:09,164 --> 00:06:09,859
Elaine ?
80
00:06:10,042 --> 00:06:11,612
A friend your mum met at the gym.
81
00:06:12,210 --> 00:06:13,409
Her mum's just died.
82
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:15,733
Stella's helping her sort through her things.
83
00:06:17,438 --> 00:06:20,380
What are you wearing ?
Are those my jeans ?
84
00:06:20,905 --> 00:06:23,502
Er... Thought I'd make an effort.
85
00:06:23,503 --> 00:06:24,426
Cheer her up a bit.
86
00:06:31,694 --> 00:06:33,607
Er... Give my condolences to Emma.
87
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,284
Will do.
88
00:06:37,368 --> 00:06:38,676
Sorry. Elaine.
89
00:06:40,378 --> 00:06:41,195
Hello ?
90
00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:46,859
Suspicious isn't a term
you could use to describe Nathan.
91
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,847
But even his curiosity
would have been raised
92
00:06:50,848 --> 00:06:52,727
by the sight of his 15-year-old daughter
93
00:06:52,794 --> 00:06:54,557
voluntarly doing the washing.
94
00:06:55,430 --> 00:06:56,202
Kim ?
95
00:06:59,968 --> 00:07:01,771
Er... What are you doing ?
96
00:07:03,706 --> 00:07:05,492
I'm boil-washing my belongings
97
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:08,170
to kill the muff nits
contracted from a platonic night
98
00:07:08,199 --> 00:07:10,916
of frustration with a girl of my lesbian dreams.
99
00:07:11,475 --> 00:07:12,285
Right...
100
00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:14,802
Why ?
101
00:07:15,974 --> 00:07:18,114
Er... You're... helping.
102
00:07:22,002 --> 00:07:25,095
Well, yeah. Someone's gotta do it.
103
00:07:26,731 --> 00:07:29,861
It's not like Stella ever lifts
a finger around here.
104
00:07:30,954 --> 00:07:32,679
Your mum's out helping a friend.
105
00:07:34,498 --> 00:07:35,496
A friend ?
106
00:07:40,063 --> 00:07:41,365
I've had about enough of this.
107
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:44,892
I know you two don't see everything eye to
eye at the moment,
108
00:07:44,955 --> 00:07:46,833
but I really think... Kim?
109
00:07:47,658 --> 00:07:48,395
Kim !
110
00:07:56,385 --> 00:07:59,105
You could at least be more supportive of your mother.
111
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:07,201
When she's helping someone.
112
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:10,743
In their hour of need.
113
00:08:16,637 --> 00:08:17,491
Coming !
114
00:08:24,563 --> 00:08:25,640
They're Kim's.
115
00:08:33,025 --> 00:08:33,909
Stella.
116
00:08:35,303 --> 00:08:36,844
We are not alone.
117
00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:40,782
Oh, God... You're crawling.
118
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:51,661
She...
119
00:08:53,781 --> 00:08:57,957
How many other housewives
get your VIP services ?
120
00:08:58,007 --> 00:08:59,422
You're blaming this on me ?
121
00:08:59,983 --> 00:09:00,831
Who else ?
122
00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:02,775
Your husband.
123
00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:04,225
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
124
00:09:05,329 --> 00:09:10,520
And before you say it, you're the first other
man I have had for quite some time.
125
00:09:14,506 --> 00:09:15,465
God, look at you.
126
00:09:16,447 --> 00:09:17,523
What do you mean, look at me ?
127
00:09:18,161 --> 00:09:18,930
Should have known.
128
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:23,738
All right, fine. Fine.
Show me one.
129
00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:25,941
I'm sorry ?
130
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,310
Crab. See any ?
131
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:32,076
So ?
132
00:09:32,254 --> 00:09:33,140
No lice.
133
00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:35,500
Doesn't mean anything.
They're like nits.
134
00:09:35,911 --> 00:09:36,918
They like hair that's clean.
135
00:09:40,004 --> 00:09:42,446
Ha ! What's that ?
136
00:09:45,558 --> 00:09:46,602
Hang on. Where are you going ?
137
00:09:47,663 --> 00:09:48,773
The chemist.
138
00:09:48,842 --> 00:09:50,223
Who pays for the suite ?
139
00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:01,192
Oh, shit.
140
00:10:24,799 --> 00:10:27,679
Stella washing her own clothes ?
141
00:10:27,848 --> 00:10:28,972
Are those my jeans ?
142
00:10:30,173 --> 00:10:31,298
Oh, my God...
143
00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:45,875
Stella ? Um... What are you doing ?
144
00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:47,856
What does it look like ?
145
00:10:51,948 --> 00:10:52,995
But you never...
146
00:10:55,492 --> 00:10:56,794
Cottons on D.
147
00:10:56,795 --> 00:10:59,063
Yes, I know how it works.
Thank you.
148
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,090
Work, you bloody thing !
149
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:11,706
How was Elaine ?
150
00:11:20,183 --> 00:11:23,786
This wasn't really the kind of situation
you could prepare yourself for.
151
00:11:25,099 --> 00:11:27,784
Giving your mother an STD ?
152
00:12:31,047 --> 00:12:34,342
With 120 million red crabs
migrating overland,
153
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:35,903
it's hard to avoid them.
154
00:12:36,761 --> 00:12:38,475
The island's coastal rainforests
155
00:12:38,476 --> 00:12:40,370
also play host to the crabs.
156
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:43,153
Here, they face fewer dangers.
157
00:12:46,485 --> 00:12:50,350
The migration which lasts several days
happens at the same time every year.
158
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:56,599
It hits Christmas Island, so-called because
it was discovered on Christmas Day,
159
00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:59,228
just as the festive season gets underway.
160
00:12:59,395 --> 00:13:00,749
Can you smell something ?
161
00:13:01,225 --> 00:13:02,574
Hair remover.
162
00:13:02,575 --> 00:13:07,250
The invasion causes havoc for the human
population of the Australian territory.
163
00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:10,374
Even schools have to get used
to the unwanted visitors.
164
00:13:11,945 --> 00:13:13,450
While it can be a nuisance,
165
00:13:13,516 --> 00:13:16,678
it's also an impressive sight
and considered by many
166
00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:18,945
to be one of the great wonders of nature.
167
00:13:34,818 --> 00:13:36,096
Kim ?
168
00:13:42,368 --> 00:13:43,604
Can we talk ?
169
00:13:44,244 --> 00:13:45,290
Oh, God.
170
00:13:55,363 --> 00:13:56,895
I couldn't help noticing.
171
00:13:57,269 --> 00:13:59,916
Downstairs and then the washing.
172
00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:01,952
Stay calm, stay calm.
173
00:14:02,313 --> 00:14:04,311
Don't give anything away.
174
00:14:05,207 --> 00:14:07,207
Oh, my poor baby.
175
00:14:09,626 --> 00:14:10,826
What have I done ?
176
00:14:11,683 --> 00:14:13,074
What have you done ?
177
00:14:14,466 --> 00:14:15,663
Sleazy...
178
00:14:19,394 --> 00:14:22,348
We all do silly things.
179
00:14:22,783 --> 00:14:26,501
And um... these things lead into situations
180
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,220
and these situations have consequences,
181
00:14:29,221 --> 00:14:31,497
consequences we didn't foresee at the time,
182
00:14:31,508 --> 00:14:34,540
and these consequences can affect others
183
00:14:35,014 --> 00:14:37,642
in a way that we had no idea.
184
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:38,994
I mean, I never dreamt...
185
00:14:46,784 --> 00:14:48,745
Kim ? I...
186
00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:53,509
This was turning into a very interesting situation.
187
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:55,298
Dale...
188
00:15:01,661 --> 00:15:02,387
I wasn't thinking.
189
00:15:02,388 --> 00:15:06,219
I borrowed some of your clothes
and I may have...
190
00:15:07,459 --> 00:15:09,144
have given you crabs.
191
00:15:09,145 --> 00:15:11,675
This was too good to be true.
192
00:15:12,107 --> 00:15:13,309
But they're not dangerous.
193
00:15:13,708 --> 00:15:16,820
They're unpleasant but treatable.
194
00:15:16,970 --> 00:15:19,849
- It's very simple.
- I already have.
195
00:15:20,399 --> 00:15:21,333
Right.
196
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:32,265
Kim, love.
197
00:15:36,552 --> 00:15:38,131
You won't tell your dad ?
198
00:15:44,816 --> 00:15:46,817
You're to stop borrowing my things.
199
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,683
They look fat on you anyway.
200
00:15:50,731 --> 00:15:52,307
And you're to stop seeing him.
201
00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:53,526
Dale ?
202
00:15:54,318 --> 00:15:56,666
It's over. Finished.
Simple as that.
203
00:16:03,655 --> 00:16:04,893
I'd rather not.
204
00:16:06,286 --> 00:16:07,945
Cross infection.
205
00:16:46,668 --> 00:16:48,098
I can't seem to stop itching.
206
00:16:50,799 --> 00:16:52,648
That's the thing about infections.
207
00:16:53,127 --> 00:16:57,491
Just when you think you've got them under
controm, they spread like bushfire again.
208
00:17:07,103 --> 00:17:08,005
Dad ?
209
00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:16,536
Night.
210
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:20,165
Good night.
211
00:17:29,242 --> 00:17:32,136
- You can't deny it.
- What are you on about ?
212
00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:34,822
- Don't sit there like it's nothing.
- It is nothing.
213
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:40,267
You have given me an STD which means
you have slept with someone else.
214
00:17:41,388 --> 00:17:44,570
- Keep your voice down.
- Did you sleep with someone ?
215
00:17:45,084 --> 00:17:46,133
Stella, have you ?
216
00:17:46,531 --> 00:17:48,228
- Be rational.
- Rational ?
217
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,942
How rational do you want me to be ?
218
00:17:50,151 --> 00:17:51,277
For Christ's sake !
219
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:53,335
Tell me how this happened !
220
00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:54,750
You're jumping the gun.
221
00:17:55,993 --> 00:17:57,800
The evidence is all over me.
222
00:17:57,801 --> 00:17:59,837
- They're crabs, Stella.
- You don't know that.
223
00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:02,742
Pubic lice, passed on through sexual contact.
224
00:18:02,946 --> 00:18:04,030
Could be scabies.
225
00:18:04,086 --> 00:18:05,973
You might have picked it up at the office.
226
00:18:06,191 --> 00:18:07,813
Oh, for fuck's sake !
227
00:18:07,875 --> 00:18:09,029
Keep your voice down.
228
00:18:09,734 --> 00:18:10,629
The kids.
229
00:18:12,601 --> 00:18:15,045
Stella, you... you are the only person
230
00:18:15,046 --> 00:18:17,540
hat I have slept with in 18 years.
231
00:18:18,435 --> 00:18:21,462
Now, can you please just tell me
what's going on here ?
232
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,463
Nathan, I...
233
00:18:38,353 --> 00:18:39,974
I've been seeing...
234
00:18:40,946 --> 00:18:43,211
sleeping with someone else.
235
00:18:44,754 --> 00:18:45,803
Dale.
236
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,830
What ? The de... The decorator ?
237
00:18:58,849 --> 00:18:59,704
Oh, God.
238
00:19:02,657 --> 00:19:03,754
No, please...
239
00:19:06,028 --> 00:19:08,523
Please, no. Not him.
240
00:19:10,409 --> 00:19:12,330
Not the decorator. No.
241
00:19:26,264 --> 00:19:28,910
I promised myself I wouldn't see Sugar.
242
00:19:35,138 --> 00:19:36,812
At least not until I'd plucked up the courage
243
00:19:36,813 --> 00:19:38,816
to tell her how I really felt about things.
244
00:19:43,443 --> 00:19:47,885
It was just that right now she was the only person
I wanted to see.
245
00:19:48,204 --> 00:19:49,326
Sugar ?
246
00:19:53,117 --> 00:19:55,363
Kim ? Sshh...
247
00:19:56,485 --> 00:19:58,605
It's OK. Sshh...
248
00:20:03,352 --> 00:20:04,285
It's OK.
249
00:20:15,365 --> 00:20:18,163
Tango, Pro Plus and vodka.
250
00:20:19,058 --> 00:20:20,449
That'll fix you up a bit.
251
00:20:25,038 --> 00:20:26,279
Think she'll leave ?
252
00:20:30,641 --> 00:20:32,259
What is with those flowers ?
253
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,149
Ray. Donkey.
254
00:20:41,427 --> 00:20:44,226
I gave them the fifth degree
and made them feel well guilty.
255
00:20:44,625 --> 00:20:46,665
Passing their filth on to an underage girl.
256
00:20:47,710 --> 00:20:49,748
I mean, I'm vulnerable, aren't I ?
257
00:20:51,026 --> 00:20:52,264
I threatened to tell the police.
258
00:20:57,770 --> 00:20:59,045
Teddy bear's from Daz.
259
00:20:59,901 --> 00:21:01,978
Probably won it on the pier, the cheap git.
260
00:21:02,454 --> 00:21:05,330
If he don't do better next time, he's finished.
261
00:21:06,148 --> 00:21:08,606
Sugar was still totally shameless.
262
00:21:08,953 --> 00:21:11,216
It never occurred to her
that this was her fault,
263
00:21:11,217 --> 00:21:14,596
that her crabs had put my family in crisis.
264
00:21:15,302 --> 00:21:18,442
Fucking hell. A virgin with an STD.
265
00:21:21,451 --> 00:21:23,455
It's always the same with you, innit, Kim ?
266
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,356
All the pain without the pleasure.
267
00:21:30,036 --> 00:21:32,720
- Did you do yourself ?
- Yes.
268
00:21:33,082 --> 00:21:35,232
- Are you sure ?
- Yes.
269
00:21:35,824 --> 00:21:38,049
Well, not very well, by the looks of things.
270
00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:45,175
Right. Togs off.
271
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,859
Come on. l'll do the difficult bits.
272
00:21:51,149 --> 00:21:52,997
I'm not having you giving it back to me.
273
00:21:54,767 --> 00:21:58,793
She was living proof
that no matter how bad things are,
274
00:22:02,852 --> 00:22:06,946
you could turn any situation
to your advantage.
275
00:22:14,515 --> 00:22:15,787
Are my hands too cold ?
276
00:22:15,844 --> 00:22:17,654
No. No, they're fine.
277
00:22:17,827 --> 00:22:19,827
Can you just go further down my back ?
278
00:22:20,493 --> 00:22:21,426
There ?
279
00:22:21,482 --> 00:22:22,049
Just a bit more.
280
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,025
There ?
281
00:22:23,026 --> 00:22:28,026
Synchronization and corrections
Lucile76
282
00:22:30,027 --> 00:22:32,027
Tracklist :
"In The Summertime", Mungo Jerry
"Bushes (Norman Cook Edit)", Markus Nikolai
283
00:22:32,028 --> 00:22:34,028
"Ageing Young Rebel", DJ Food feat. Ken Nordine
"Return Of Djang", Asian Dub Foundation
"Look-Ka Py Py", Meters
284
00:22:34,029 --> 00:22:36,029
"Rock Lobster", B52�s
"Fever", The Cramps
285
00:22:36,030 --> 00:22:38,030
"Paul�s dance", Penguin Caf� Orchestra
"Misread", King�s Of Convenience
20876
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