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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:07,173 All right, so I'm Kim, a 15-year-old queer virgin obsessed with my best friend. 2 00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:08,822 But it gets worse. 3 00:00:09,141 --> 00:00:12,142 Nathan chucked Stella out because the whore gave him crabs. 4 00:00:12,451 --> 00:00:15,170 Now he's suicidal and I'm being stalked by Tom, 5 00:00:15,171 --> 00:00:18,039 the sexually frustrated son of our gay neighbours. 6 00:00:18,074 --> 00:00:19,170 Is this a bad time ? 7 00:01:02,314 --> 00:01:05,684 For the first time in a long time, I had something to smile about. 8 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,300 Nobody could take that kiss away. 9 00:01:16,411 --> 00:01:18,925 Guillaume also said... 10 00:01:18,976 --> 00:01:20,802 What ? 11 00:01:21,363 --> 00:01:25,031 That he'd really like to see two women kissing. 12 00:01:25,097 --> 00:01:26,203 Ha ! 13 00:01:26,259 --> 00:01:29,162 He's so dirty. I love him. 14 00:01:38,818 --> 00:01:41,562 Who cares if it was achieved by devious means ? 15 00:01:41,617 --> 00:01:46,523 It was better than I could have dreamt, and let's face it, I've dreamt about it a lot. 16 00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:04,242 Nobody was gonna destroy my euphoria. 17 00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,281 - Good morning. - Is it ? 18 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,790 And who cares if they're dysfonctional ? 19 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:17,342 Morning. 20 00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:19,213 Who cares if he's a stalker ? 21 00:02:19,866 --> 00:02:21,193 It's a lovely day, isn't it ? 22 00:02:21,336 --> 00:02:23,840 Sugar had shaken my world. 23 00:02:23,895 --> 00:02:25,880 She'd have to feel the same. 24 00:02:32,645 --> 00:02:35,093 What do you think ? I mean, it can get quite cold out there. 25 00:02:35,417 --> 00:02:37,400 Out where ? 26 00:02:38,266 --> 00:02:39,353 Paris. 27 00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:43,123 - Paris ? - I'm going to stay with Guillaume. 28 00:02:43,216 --> 00:02:46,441 What makes you think that he'll want you ? 29 00:02:46,497 --> 00:02:48,923 He said he loved me, you heard him. 30 00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:52,401 "Goodbye, my little angel." Oh... 31 00:02:52,455 --> 00:02:56,160 This is what is commonly known as getting your comeuppance. 32 00:02:56,227 --> 00:02:59,122 Getting stuffed yet again. 33 00:02:59,175 --> 00:03:02,442 Shoogs, come on, think about it. What about your mum ? 34 00:03:02,495 --> 00:03:04,480 Oh, she won't even notice. 35 00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:06,522 What about your GCSEs ? 36 00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:08,652 Are you feeling OK ? 37 00:03:08,686 --> 00:03:11,122 No. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach. 38 00:03:11,175 --> 00:03:15,360 I was about to lose the girl I loved to a man who thought she was a whore. 39 00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:18,360 - You hardly know him. - Kim, he gave me a multiple orgasm. 40 00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,003 I think I know him well enough. 41 00:03:20,427 --> 00:03:21,462 So, what about phone sex ? 42 00:03:21,498 --> 00:03:25,493 Duh. You have to do all the hard work yourself. OK. Now wait here. 43 00:03:25,535 --> 00:03:29,642 l'm going to go inside to get a dictionary for when l take my wedding vows. 44 00:03:31,496 --> 00:03:34,213 Surely things couldn't get more tragic. 45 00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,130 Only walking the dog. 46 00:03:44,277 --> 00:03:47,310 Stalking me. You desperate sod. 47 00:03:47,378 --> 00:03:49,400 I bought Vanessa this new lead. 48 00:03:49,977 --> 00:03:51,642 It's retractable. 49 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,682 That's nice. 50 00:03:54,117 --> 00:03:55,923 Kim, run ! 51 00:04:04,576 --> 00:04:06,361 Someone's birthday, is it ? 52 00:04:06,418 --> 00:04:08,240 - Yeah, mine. - Sign this, will you ? 53 00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:14,483 Got a secret admirer ? 54 00:04:22,935 --> 00:04:25,080 Stalking me.We all want to be wanted. 55 00:04:25,135 --> 00:04:27,721 Sugar, please. Wait. He doesn't like you. 56 00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:31,092 - Of course he does ! - I translated some stuff wrong. 57 00:04:31,095 --> 00:04:32,680 Oh, your French is fine ! 58 00:04:32,738 --> 00:04:34,682 Deliberately did it wrong. 59 00:04:34,735 --> 00:04:36,962 He called you "putain", remember ? 60 00:04:37,018 --> 00:04:39,003 Yes, it means angel. 61 00:04:39,055 --> 00:04:40,563 Not exactly. 62 00:04:40,615 --> 00:04:43,923 - Well, whatever. - Shoogs, please. 63 00:04:43,977 --> 00:04:46,041 Just look it up, OK ? 64 00:04:46,096 --> 00:04:50,720 Are you jealous because l'm actually doing something with my life and you're not ? 65 00:04:51,106 --> 00:04:52,023 The dictionnary. 66 00:04:52,468 --> 00:04:54,480 OK. Fine. 67 00:05:05,135 --> 00:05:07,283 That garlic-eating wanker ! 68 00:05:11,738 --> 00:05:15,000 That's the worst thing about being rejected. 69 00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:17,771 You always want to get revenge. 70 00:05:37,656 --> 00:05:41,883 You see, when you get married, you'll know not to make the mistakes that l've made. 71 00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:45,463 For a start, don't trust a woman. Ever. 72 00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,940 About anything. Cause she's bound to be lying. 73 00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:52,631 Check her mobile phone bills, check her diary. 74 00:05:52,658 --> 00:05:55,081 If she seems happy, assume the worst. 75 00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,512 Question her at every available opportunity. 76 00:05:59,335 --> 00:06:02,270 Ideally, you should stop her from leaving the house at all. 77 00:06:07,937 --> 00:06:09,561 You've missed out the T. 78 00:06:37,935 --> 00:06:41,280 Those who have the power to hurt you are the ones you want the most. 79 00:06:41,336 --> 00:06:44,642 No matter how many times they do it, you still come back for more. 80 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,120 Does he think if he follows you enough, you'll give in ? 81 00:06:47,177 --> 00:06:48,920 - Going inside ? - No. 82 00:06:49,106 --> 00:06:51,943 We're forming a chorus of singing nuns. What do you think we're doing ? 83 00:06:55,255 --> 00:06:57,000 One, two, three. 84 00:07:00,976 --> 00:07:02,883 Ah , ha , ha. 85 00:07:03,396 --> 00:07:06,081 Fucking him felt so good. 86 00:07:06,138 --> 00:07:11,120 What if that's as good as it gets ? What if I never get it that good again ? Fuck. 87 00:07:12,286 --> 00:07:14,752 Oh, another double vodka and orange, please. 88 00:07:15,495 --> 00:07:19,403 Oh , I bet he's with some stupid French bird with hairy arm pits, 89 00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:23,441 - garlic breath, giving him a crap blow job . - Definitely. 90 00:07:25,056 --> 00:07:26,921 Do you think my tits are too small ? 91 00:07:30,256 --> 00:07:32,971 - Your tits are great. - Huh ? 92 00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:37,081 Your tits are great ! 93 00:07:48,496 --> 00:07:52,562 How can someone who makes you feel so great be so wrong ? 94 00:07:53,575 --> 00:07:56,801 - I know what you mean . - How do you know what I mean? 95 00:07:58,255 --> 00:08:03,530 Well , it's like Stella and Nathan, isn't it ? They're so wrong but it works. 96 00:08:05,058 --> 00:08:08,041 I am totally off men . 97 00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:13,562 What do you reckon ? Complete sex goddess ? 98 00:08:13,566 --> 00:08:15,970 - More like care in the community. - Oy ! 99 00:08:19,575 --> 00:08:20,563 Here. 100 00:08:25,577 --> 00:08:27,562 Mmm. That feels nice. 101 00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:35,962 Maybe you're looking in all the wrong places for the wrong type of person. 102 00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:39,630 When really you could find someone who's nice. 103 00:08:39,675 --> 00:08:41,163 Someone you can talk to. 104 00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:45,482 Yeah. And how many blokes around here do you know who are interested in conversation ? 105 00:08:45,536 --> 00:08:51,283 I don't know. There must be some kind of people who are quiet and... 106 00:08:51,336 --> 00:08:53,191 - sensitive. - Mm. 107 00:08:53,385 --> 00:08:57,103 - Aren't they gay ? - There's nothing wrong with that. 108 00:08:58,576 --> 00:09:02,723 Look. I'm not looking for someone to sit and watch movies with. 109 00:09:03,778 --> 00:09:05,763 I want someone to fuck. 110 00:09:11,736 --> 00:09:14,623 - Right. Who am I going to go for, then ? - Shoogs. 111 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,280 He's nice. 112 00:09:17,296 --> 00:09:18,241 Oh. No arse, though. 113 00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:20,120 Ooh , he's allright. 114 00:09:20,378 --> 00:09:23,092 Can you just stop obsessing about men all the time ? 115 00:09:23,306 --> 00:09:25,442 Why ? What else is there ? 116 00:09:25,466 --> 00:09:28,771 - I get bored watching you. - Well, you can join in, you know. 117 00:09:28,977 --> 00:09:30,960 God, what's your problem ? 118 00:09:31,017 --> 00:09:33,281 I just don't understand. 119 00:09:33,338 --> 00:09:34,681 What ? 120 00:09:35,415 --> 00:09:38,162 Just go and get laid. See if I care. 121 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:39,973 Kizzer ! 122 00:09:46,276 --> 00:09:47,760 I'd had my moment. 123 00:09:47,815 --> 00:09:49,602 I'd had my kiss. 124 00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:51,801 That was as good as it was ever gonna get. 125 00:10:21,135 --> 00:10:24,811 The trouble is when you have a feeling that good, you want the world to know. 126 00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:31,612 Faster ! Whoooo ! 127 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:53,481 You want it to go on for ever and the last thing you want to do is give it up. 128 00:11:03,898 --> 00:11:05,881 I wanted Sugar to know. 129 00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:08,391 She had to know. 130 00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:10,440 It was time to end the lies. 131 00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:30,900 S ugar. 132 00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,560 Shoogs, it's me. 133 00:11:42,655 --> 00:11:43,721 Kiz. 134 00:11:43,776 --> 00:11:48,082 Look, I'm... I'm really sorry I shouted at you. 135 00:11:48,117 --> 00:11:49,053 It's just... 136 00:11:50,596 --> 00:11:55,633 There's something I need to tell you. About me. 137 00:11:57,177 --> 00:11:58,763 Me and you. 138 00:11:58,815 --> 00:12:00,801 Shit. 139 00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:06,290 This is... it's gonna sound mental. It is mental. 140 00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:11,560 Sugar... 141 00:12:18,377 --> 00:12:19,963 I love you. 142 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,132 Listen, I'm fucked. 143 00:12:24,617 --> 00:12:26,360 What are you doing ? 144 00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:42,621 I used to think it was bad to get so drunk that you lost your memory. 145 00:12:46,337 --> 00:12:48,243 Hi, Kim. 146 00:12:51,099 --> 00:12:54,162 Now I'm beginning to see that it does have some advantages. 147 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,240 Have a good day. 148 00:13:04,735 --> 00:13:08,723 We were all paying the price for choosing the wrong person. 149 00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,520 - You're gonna have to deal with this, babe. - I know, I know. 150 00:13:14,058 --> 00:13:16,041 I can't even see the telly. The match is on tonight. 151 00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:18,601 I'll sort it. Can you give me a hand ? 152 00:13:19,646 --> 00:13:21,193 Well, help you sort through your sordid past ? 153 00:13:21,237 --> 00:13:23,120 No, thanks. 154 00:13:31,738 --> 00:13:35,000 I mean, it's all just flashes, you know. Of what happened . 155 00:13:35,056 --> 00:13:38,601 But I must try and remember. You should see some of the marks on me. 156 00:13:38,655 --> 00:13:42,362 He must have had me swinging from the lampshade. 157 00:13:50,978 --> 00:13:51,701 Sorry. 158 00:13:52,658 --> 00:13:55,430 It's OK babe, you're amazing. Take me. 159 00:13:58,495 --> 00:14:01,131 It was like someone had ripped out my insides 160 00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:04,463 and replaced them with pure unadulterated pain. 161 00:14:04,507 --> 00:14:05,523 Ooh. 162 00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:09,483 Hello. 163 00:14:10,495 --> 00:14:13,441 Oh, hi, Tom. So you can make it, then ? 164 00:14:13,946 --> 00:14:15,843 Eight o'clock, yeah ? OK. 165 00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,682 See you at eight. 166 00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:22,320 Guillaume can kiss my ass. 167 00:14:23,298 --> 00:14:24,432 Mmm. 168 00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:27,681 Oh, my God. 169 00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:29,842 But we're talking about Tom. 170 00:14:29,895 --> 00:14:32,452 When I said sensitive, I meant someone nice. 171 00:14:32,686 --> 00:14:35,702 Not some sad, wet, pathetic loser. 172 00:14:35,747 --> 00:14:37,681 Oh, he is nice. 173 00:14:37,736 --> 00:14:41,280 - He's a real gentleman. - I thought you said you couldn't remember anything. 174 00:14:41,345 --> 00:14:44,163 - I remember him holding back my hair. - What ? 175 00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:45,963 When I was puking. 176 00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:49,942 I mean, what sort of bloke does that ? 177 00:14:50,416 --> 00:14:51,841 I've got to go. 178 00:14:52,278 --> 00:14:54,481 Wait, no ! I need your help with this. 179 00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,172 Kim ! 180 00:14:57,815 --> 00:15:01,370 I could cope with the bloke she picked up in the pub, I could cope with the bloke from France 181 00:15:01,415 --> 00:15:04,603 but to choose Tom over me ! Why would anyone do that? 182 00:15:04,907 --> 00:15:06,011 Come on, Vanessa. 183 00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:08,301 What I did next I'm not proud of. 184 00:15:08,348 --> 00:15:10,681 But this date just couldn't happen. 185 00:15:10,766 --> 00:15:13,621 You wait here. OK ? There's a good girl. 186 00:15:13,768 --> 00:15:16,182 Desperate times call for desperate measures. 187 00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:25,463 Good girl, Vanessa. 188 00:15:26,338 --> 00:15:28,891 Turns out a dog can also be a girl's best friend. 189 00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:41,843 Vanessa ! 190 00:15:44,015 --> 00:15:45,881 Have you seen her ? 191 00:15:47,736 --> 00:15:50,642 Vane - ssa ! Come on. 192 00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:53,923 Vanessa. 193 00:16:39,138 --> 00:16:41,851 All right, so kidnapping a dog was a bit extreme, 194 00:16:41,897 --> 00:16:43,761 but I just couldn't stand the thought 195 00:16:43,817 --> 00:16:47,562 of anybody else getting their hands on what was rightfully mine. 196 00:17:04,896 --> 00:17:07,922 Love makes you blind to the world around you. 197 00:17:53,778 --> 00:17:55,760 Matt. 198 00:18:11,738 --> 00:18:14,481 Love makes you do the strangest things. 199 00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:23,003 I like you the best, Dad. 200 00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:37,242 That is the last time I listen to you. 201 00:18:38,297 --> 00:18:41,402 - He cancelled on you, then ? - At five to eight ! 202 00:18:42,938 --> 00:18:44,920 Do you know what nice guys are ? 203 00:18:44,925 --> 00:18:47,403 Tedious, overrated and full of shit ? 204 00:18:47,498 --> 00:18:49,080 Wankers. 205 00:18:49,137 --> 00:18:50,840 But, yeah, that'll do. 206 00:18:55,857 --> 00:18:59,242 Do you want take in the view and down a bottle of cheap vodka ? 207 00:18:59,295 --> 00:19:00,610 Absolutely. 208 00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,190 V anessa. 209 00:19:27,295 --> 00:19:30,041 Vanessa ! 210 00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:42,443 The thing is, Matt... You see, being angry is, er... 211 00:19:42,497 --> 00:19:45,602 is normal and, um... and good. 212 00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:47,641 But people ,they, um... 213 00:19:48,356 --> 00:19:52,370 Just because they do these things, it doesn't mean that, um... 214 00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:55,400 What I'm trying to say to you is that, um... 215 00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:56,801 Mum's not a whore ? 216 00:20:01,078 --> 00:20:04,153 Yeah. Yeah, that's it, exactly. 217 00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:08,280 Does that mean we've got to repaint my room ? 218 00:20:08,757 --> 00:20:09,283 Yeah. 219 00:20:11,016 --> 00:20:12,121 Can it be pink ? 220 00:20:13,977 --> 00:20:16,810 In the end, of course, the truth has to come out. 221 00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:20,962 - And he was a crap shag. - I thought you said... 222 00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:25,240 Yeah, well, that was before I remembered what really happened. 223 00:20:27,055 --> 00:20:30,830 Because, um... the trombone is a very complicated instrument. 224 00:20:32,338 --> 00:20:33,690 Thanks... 225 00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:37,602 And... And, you know, despite what everyone says, 226 00:20:37,657 --> 00:20:39,802 me playing it doesn't make me a twat. 227 00:20:45,695 --> 00:20:46,473 See, most people... 228 00:20:47,336 --> 00:20:50,920 they think that the trombonist moves the slide just with his wrist. 229 00:20:51,975 --> 00:20:55,441 But really, it's these two fingers... 230 00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:59,280 that... that give you those extra couple of inches... 231 00:21:00,697 --> 00:21:01,683 to... 232 00:21:05,656 --> 00:21:06,681 Oh ! Oh. 233 00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:14,400 - Aha. - I'm sorry. 234 00:21:20,495 --> 00:21:24,802 I don't know why you thought sensitive guys were such a good idea. 235 00:21:25,797 --> 00:21:28,052 Maybe that's because that's what you go for. 236 00:21:28,337 --> 00:21:30,321 Uhh... Yeah... No. 237 00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:34,802 Oh, but he's so sensitive and so quiet. 238 00:21:34,857 --> 00:21:36,841 And so square. 239 00:21:37,858 --> 00:21:39,522 Just like you, Kimmy. 240 00:21:39,577 --> 00:21:44,120 If you could put up with the premature ejaculators, you two would be a match made in heaven. 241 00:21:44,125 --> 00:21:47,713 - He is not, absolutely not the type I go for. - Mmm. 242 00:21:47,856 --> 00:21:50,081 So why have you been weird all day ? 243 00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:53,282 Maybe it's cos you're jealous. 244 00:21:53,337 --> 00:21:55,042 I so do not like him. 245 00:21:55,097 --> 00:21:57,810 Well, maybe you like me, then. 246 00:22:02,106 --> 00:22:03,691 What ? 247 00:22:08,418 --> 00:22:09,411 Nothing. 248 00:22:14,498 --> 00:22:16,481 Oh, my God. 249 00:22:18,098 --> 00:22:20,082 Oh, my God. You... You fancy me. 250 00:22:26,767 --> 00:22:28,193 I've... gotta... go. 251 00:23:01,028 --> 00:23:06,092 Synchronization and corrections Allenmcbeal 252 00:23:09,095 --> 00:23:11,091 Tracklist : "Do You Realize ?", The Flaming Lips "Angel Interceptor", Ash 253 00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,092 "Melt", Leftfield "Sunrise", Pulp "Thinking About Tomorrow", Beth Orton 254 00:23:13,108 --> 00:23:15,103 "Knock On Wood", Amii Stewart "Serenade", Emiliana Torrini "Gentle Piece", Craig Armstrong 255 00:23:15,108 --> 00:23:17,102 "Little Bird", Marianne Faithful "Today has been OK", Emiliana Torrini 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 19708

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