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1
00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:07,173
All right, so I'm Kim, a 15-year-old queer virgin
obsessed with my best friend.
2
00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:08,822
But it gets worse.
3
00:00:09,141 --> 00:00:12,142
Nathan chucked Stella out because
the whore gave him crabs.
4
00:00:12,451 --> 00:00:15,170
Now he's suicidal
and I'm being stalked by Tom,
5
00:00:15,171 --> 00:00:18,039
the sexually frustrated son
of our gay neighbours.
6
00:00:18,074 --> 00:00:19,170
Is this a bad time ?
7
00:01:02,314 --> 00:01:05,684
For the first time in a long time,
I had something to smile about.
8
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,300
Nobody could take that kiss away.
9
00:01:16,411 --> 00:01:18,925
Guillaume also said...
10
00:01:18,976 --> 00:01:20,802
What ?
11
00:01:21,363 --> 00:01:25,031
That he'd really like to see
two women kissing.
12
00:01:25,097 --> 00:01:26,203
Ha !
13
00:01:26,259 --> 00:01:29,162
He's so dirty. I love him.
14
00:01:38,818 --> 00:01:41,562
Who cares if it was achieved by devious means ?
15
00:01:41,617 --> 00:01:46,523
It was better than I could have dreamt,
and let's face it, I've dreamt about it a lot.
16
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:04,242
Nobody was gonna destroy my euphoria.
17
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,281
- Good morning.
- Is it ?
18
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,790
And who cares if they're dysfonctional ?
19
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:17,342
Morning.
20
00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:19,213
Who cares if he's a stalker ?
21
00:02:19,866 --> 00:02:21,193
It's a lovely day, isn't it ?
22
00:02:21,336 --> 00:02:23,840
Sugar had shaken my world.
23
00:02:23,895 --> 00:02:25,880
She'd have to feel the same.
24
00:02:32,645 --> 00:02:35,093
What do you think ?
I mean, it can get quite cold out there.
25
00:02:35,417 --> 00:02:37,400
Out where ?
26
00:02:38,266 --> 00:02:39,353
Paris.
27
00:02:41,126 --> 00:02:43,123
- Paris ?
- I'm going to stay with Guillaume.
28
00:02:43,216 --> 00:02:46,441
What makes you think that he'll want you ?
29
00:02:46,497 --> 00:02:48,923
He said he loved me, you heard him.
30
00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:52,401
"Goodbye, my little angel." Oh...
31
00:02:52,455 --> 00:02:56,160
This is what is commonly known
as getting your comeuppance.
32
00:02:56,227 --> 00:02:59,122
Getting stuffed yet again.
33
00:02:59,175 --> 00:03:02,442
Shoogs, come on, think about it.
What about your mum ?
34
00:03:02,495 --> 00:03:04,480
Oh, she won't even notice.
35
00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:06,522
What about your GCSEs ?
36
00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:08,652
Are you feeling OK ?
37
00:03:08,686 --> 00:03:11,122
No. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.
38
00:03:11,175 --> 00:03:15,360
I was about to lose the girl I loved
to a man who thought she was a whore.
39
00:03:15,417 --> 00:03:18,360
- You hardly know him.
- Kim, he gave me a multiple orgasm.
40
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,003
I think I know him well enough.
41
00:03:20,427 --> 00:03:21,462
So, what about phone sex ?
42
00:03:21,498 --> 00:03:25,493
Duh. You have to do all the hard work
yourself. OK. Now wait here.
43
00:03:25,535 --> 00:03:29,642
l'm going to go inside to get a dictionary
for when l take my wedding vows.
44
00:03:31,496 --> 00:03:34,213
Surely things couldn't get more tragic.
45
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:44,130
Only walking the dog.
46
00:03:44,277 --> 00:03:47,310
Stalking me. You desperate sod.
47
00:03:47,378 --> 00:03:49,400
I bought Vanessa this new lead.
48
00:03:49,977 --> 00:03:51,642
It's retractable.
49
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,682
That's nice.
50
00:03:54,117 --> 00:03:55,923
Kim, run !
51
00:04:04,576 --> 00:04:06,361
Someone's birthday, is it ?
52
00:04:06,418 --> 00:04:08,240
- Yeah, mine.
- Sign this, will you ?
53
00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:14,483
Got a secret admirer ?
54
00:04:22,935 --> 00:04:25,080
Stalking me.We all want to be wanted.
55
00:04:25,135 --> 00:04:27,721
Sugar, please. Wait. He doesn't like you.
56
00:04:27,777 --> 00:04:31,092
- Of course he does !
- I translated some stuff wrong.
57
00:04:31,095 --> 00:04:32,680
Oh, your French is fine !
58
00:04:32,738 --> 00:04:34,682
Deliberately did it wrong.
59
00:04:34,735 --> 00:04:36,962
He called you "putain", remember ?
60
00:04:37,018 --> 00:04:39,003
Yes, it means angel.
61
00:04:39,055 --> 00:04:40,563
Not exactly.
62
00:04:40,615 --> 00:04:43,923
- Well, whatever.
- Shoogs, please.
63
00:04:43,977 --> 00:04:46,041
Just look it up, OK ?
64
00:04:46,096 --> 00:04:50,720
Are you jealous because l'm actually doing
something with my life and you're not ?
65
00:04:51,106 --> 00:04:52,023
The dictionnary.
66
00:04:52,468 --> 00:04:54,480
OK. Fine.
67
00:05:05,135 --> 00:05:07,283
That garlic-eating wanker !
68
00:05:11,738 --> 00:05:15,000
That's the worst thing about being rejected.
69
00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:17,771
You always want to get revenge.
70
00:05:37,656 --> 00:05:41,883
You see, when you get married, you'll know
not to make the mistakes that l've made.
71
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:45,463
For a start, don't trust a woman. Ever.
72
00:05:45,638 --> 00:05:47,940
About anything. Cause she's bound to be lying.
73
00:05:49,246 --> 00:05:52,631
Check her mobile phone bills, check her diary.
74
00:05:52,658 --> 00:05:55,081
If she seems happy, assume the worst.
75
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,512
Question her at every available opportunity.
76
00:05:59,335 --> 00:06:02,270
Ideally, you should stop her
from leaving the house at all.
77
00:06:07,937 --> 00:06:09,561
You've missed out the T.
78
00:06:37,935 --> 00:06:41,280
Those who have the power to hurt you
are the ones you want the most.
79
00:06:41,336 --> 00:06:44,642
No matter how many times they do it,
you still come back for more.
80
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,120
Does he think if he follows you enough,
you'll give in ?
81
00:06:47,177 --> 00:06:48,920
- Going inside ?
- No.
82
00:06:49,106 --> 00:06:51,943
We're forming a chorus of singing nuns.
What do you think we're doing ?
83
00:06:55,255 --> 00:06:57,000
One, two, three.
84
00:07:00,976 --> 00:07:02,883
Ah , ha , ha.
85
00:07:03,396 --> 00:07:06,081
Fucking him felt so good.
86
00:07:06,138 --> 00:07:11,120
What if that's as good as it gets ?
What if I never get it that good again ? Fuck.
87
00:07:12,286 --> 00:07:14,752
Oh, another double vodka and orange,
please.
88
00:07:15,495 --> 00:07:19,403
Oh , I bet he's with some stupid French bird
with hairy arm pits,
89
00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:23,441
- garlic breath, giving him a crap blow job .
- Definitely.
90
00:07:25,056 --> 00:07:26,921
Do you think my tits are too small ?
91
00:07:30,256 --> 00:07:32,971
- Your tits are great.
- Huh ?
92
00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:37,081
Your tits are great !
93
00:07:48,496 --> 00:07:52,562
How can someone
who makes you feel so great be so wrong ?
94
00:07:53,575 --> 00:07:56,801
- I know what you mean .
- How do you know what I mean?
95
00:07:58,255 --> 00:08:03,530
Well , it's like Stella and Nathan, isn't it ?
They're so wrong but it works.
96
00:08:05,058 --> 00:08:08,041
I am totally off men .
97
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:13,562
What do you reckon ? Complete sex goddess ?
98
00:08:13,566 --> 00:08:15,970
- More like care in the community.
- Oy !
99
00:08:19,575 --> 00:08:20,563
Here.
100
00:08:25,577 --> 00:08:27,562
Mmm. That feels nice.
101
00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:35,962
Maybe you're looking in all the wrong places
for the wrong type of person.
102
00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:39,630
When really you could find someone who's nice.
103
00:08:39,675 --> 00:08:41,163
Someone you can talk to.
104
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:45,482
Yeah. And how many blokes around here do you
know who are interested in conversation ?
105
00:08:45,536 --> 00:08:51,283
I don't know. There must be some kind of people
who are quiet and...
106
00:08:51,336 --> 00:08:53,191
- sensitive.
- Mm.
107
00:08:53,385 --> 00:08:57,103
- Aren't they gay ?
- There's nothing wrong with that.
108
00:08:58,576 --> 00:09:02,723
Look. I'm not looking for someone
to sit and watch movies with.
109
00:09:03,778 --> 00:09:05,763
I want someone to fuck.
110
00:09:11,736 --> 00:09:14,623
- Right. Who am I going to go for, then ?
- Shoogs.
111
00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,280
He's nice.
112
00:09:17,296 --> 00:09:18,241
Oh. No arse, though.
113
00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:20,120
Ooh , he's allright.
114
00:09:20,378 --> 00:09:23,092
Can you just stop obsessing about men
all the time ?
115
00:09:23,306 --> 00:09:25,442
Why ? What else is there ?
116
00:09:25,466 --> 00:09:28,771
- I get bored watching you.
- Well, you can join in, you know.
117
00:09:28,977 --> 00:09:30,960
God, what's your problem ?
118
00:09:31,017 --> 00:09:33,281
I just don't understand.
119
00:09:33,338 --> 00:09:34,681
What ?
120
00:09:35,415 --> 00:09:38,162
Just go and get laid. See if I care.
121
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:39,973
Kizzer !
122
00:09:46,276 --> 00:09:47,760
I'd had my moment.
123
00:09:47,815 --> 00:09:49,602
I'd had my kiss.
124
00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:51,801
That was as good as it was ever gonna get.
125
00:10:21,135 --> 00:10:24,811
The trouble is when you have a feeling
that good, you want the world to know.
126
00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:31,612
Faster ! Whoooo !
127
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:53,481
You want it to go on for ever and
the last thing you want to do is give it up.
128
00:11:03,898 --> 00:11:05,881
I wanted Sugar to know.
129
00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:08,391
She had to know.
130
00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:10,440
It was time to end the lies.
131
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:30,900
S ugar.
132
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,560
Shoogs, it's me.
133
00:11:42,655 --> 00:11:43,721
Kiz.
134
00:11:43,776 --> 00:11:48,082
Look, I'm... I'm really sorry I shouted at you.
135
00:11:48,117 --> 00:11:49,053
It's just...
136
00:11:50,596 --> 00:11:55,633
There's something I need to tell you. About me.
137
00:11:57,177 --> 00:11:58,763
Me and you.
138
00:11:58,815 --> 00:12:00,801
Shit.
139
00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:06,290
This is... it's gonna sound mental.
It is mental.
140
00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:11,560
Sugar...
141
00:12:18,377 --> 00:12:19,963
I love you.
142
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,132
Listen, I'm fucked.
143
00:12:24,617 --> 00:12:26,360
What are you doing ?
144
00:12:38,793 --> 00:12:42,621
I used to think it was bad to get so drunk
that you lost your memory.
145
00:12:46,337 --> 00:12:48,243
Hi, Kim.
146
00:12:51,099 --> 00:12:54,162
Now I'm beginning to see
that it does have some advantages.
147
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,240
Have a good day.
148
00:13:04,735 --> 00:13:08,723
We were all paying the price
for choosing the wrong person.
149
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,520
- You're gonna have to deal with this, babe.
- I know, I know.
150
00:13:14,058 --> 00:13:16,041
I can't even see the telly.
The match is on tonight.
151
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:18,601
I'll sort it. Can you give me a hand ?
152
00:13:19,646 --> 00:13:21,193
Well, help you sort through your sordid past ?
153
00:13:21,237 --> 00:13:23,120
No, thanks.
154
00:13:31,738 --> 00:13:35,000
I mean, it's all just flashes, you know.
Of what happened .
155
00:13:35,056 --> 00:13:38,601
But I must try and remember.
You should see some of the marks on me.
156
00:13:38,655 --> 00:13:42,362
He must have had me
swinging from the lampshade.
157
00:13:50,978 --> 00:13:51,701
Sorry.
158
00:13:52,658 --> 00:13:55,430
It's OK babe, you're amazing. Take me.
159
00:13:58,495 --> 00:14:01,131
It was like someone had ripped out my insides
160
00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:04,463
and replaced them with pure unadulterated pain.
161
00:14:04,507 --> 00:14:05,523
Ooh.
162
00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:09,483
Hello.
163
00:14:10,495 --> 00:14:13,441
Oh, hi, Tom. So you can make it, then ?
164
00:14:13,946 --> 00:14:15,843
Eight o'clock, yeah ? OK.
165
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,682
See you at eight.
166
00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:22,320
Guillaume can kiss my ass.
167
00:14:23,298 --> 00:14:24,432
Mmm.
168
00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:27,681
Oh, my God.
169
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:29,842
But we're talking about Tom.
170
00:14:29,895 --> 00:14:32,452
When I said sensitive,
I meant someone nice.
171
00:14:32,686 --> 00:14:35,702
Not some sad, wet, pathetic loser.
172
00:14:35,747 --> 00:14:37,681
Oh, he is nice.
173
00:14:37,736 --> 00:14:41,280
- He's a real gentleman.
- I thought you said you couldn't remember anything.
174
00:14:41,345 --> 00:14:44,163
- I remember him holding back my hair.
- What ?
175
00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:45,963
When I was puking.
176
00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:49,942
I mean, what sort of bloke does that ?
177
00:14:50,416 --> 00:14:51,841
I've got to go.
178
00:14:52,278 --> 00:14:54,481
Wait, no ! I need your help with this.
179
00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,172
Kim !
180
00:14:57,815 --> 00:15:01,370
I could cope with the bloke she picked up
in the pub, I could cope with the bloke from France
181
00:15:01,415 --> 00:15:04,603
but to choose Tom over me !
Why would anyone do that?
182
00:15:04,907 --> 00:15:06,011
Come on, Vanessa.
183
00:15:06,086 --> 00:15:08,301
What I did next I'm not proud of.
184
00:15:08,348 --> 00:15:10,681
But this date just couldn't happen.
185
00:15:10,766 --> 00:15:13,621
You wait here. OK ? There's a good girl.
186
00:15:13,768 --> 00:15:16,182
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
187
00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:25,463
Good girl, Vanessa.
188
00:15:26,338 --> 00:15:28,891
Turns out a dog
can also be a girl's best friend.
189
00:15:40,095 --> 00:15:41,843
Vanessa !
190
00:15:44,015 --> 00:15:45,881
Have you seen her ?
191
00:15:47,736 --> 00:15:50,642
Vane - ssa ! Come on.
192
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:53,923
Vanessa.
193
00:16:39,138 --> 00:16:41,851
All right, so kidnapping a dog was a bit extreme,
194
00:16:41,897 --> 00:16:43,761
but I just couldn't stand the thought
195
00:16:43,817 --> 00:16:47,562
of anybody else getting their hands
on what was rightfully mine.
196
00:17:04,896 --> 00:17:07,922
Love makes you blind
to the world around you.
197
00:17:53,778 --> 00:17:55,760
Matt.
198
00:18:11,738 --> 00:18:14,481
Love makes you do the strangest things.
199
00:18:21,296 --> 00:18:23,003
I like you the best, Dad.
200
00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:37,242
That is the last time I listen to you.
201
00:18:38,297 --> 00:18:41,402
- He cancelled on you, then ?
- At five to eight !
202
00:18:42,938 --> 00:18:44,920
Do you know what nice guys are ?
203
00:18:44,925 --> 00:18:47,403
Tedious, overrated and full of shit ?
204
00:18:47,498 --> 00:18:49,080
Wankers.
205
00:18:49,137 --> 00:18:50,840
But, yeah, that'll do.
206
00:18:55,857 --> 00:18:59,242
Do you want take in the view
and down a bottle of cheap vodka ?
207
00:18:59,295 --> 00:19:00,610
Absolutely.
208
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,190
V anessa.
209
00:19:27,295 --> 00:19:30,041
Vanessa !
210
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:42,443
The thing is, Matt...
You see, being angry is, er...
211
00:19:42,497 --> 00:19:45,602
is normal and, um... and good.
212
00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:47,641
But people ,they, um...
213
00:19:48,356 --> 00:19:52,370
Just because they do these things,
it doesn't mean that, um...
214
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:55,400
What I'm trying to say to you
is that, um...
215
00:19:55,767 --> 00:19:56,801
Mum's not a whore ?
216
00:20:01,078 --> 00:20:04,153
Yeah. Yeah, that's it, exactly.
217
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:08,280
Does that mean
we've got to repaint my room ?
218
00:20:08,757 --> 00:20:09,283
Yeah.
219
00:20:11,016 --> 00:20:12,121
Can it be pink ?
220
00:20:13,977 --> 00:20:16,810
In the end, of course,
the truth has to come out.
221
00:20:16,817 --> 00:20:20,962
- And he was a crap shag.
- I thought you said...
222
00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:25,240
Yeah, well, that was before I remembered
what really happened.
223
00:20:27,055 --> 00:20:30,830
Because, um... the trombone
is a very complicated instrument.
224
00:20:32,338 --> 00:20:33,690
Thanks...
225
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:37,602
And... And, you know,
despite what everyone says,
226
00:20:37,657 --> 00:20:39,802
me playing it doesn't make me a twat.
227
00:20:45,695 --> 00:20:46,473
See, most people...
228
00:20:47,336 --> 00:20:50,920
they think that the trombonist
moves the slide just with his wrist.
229
00:20:51,975 --> 00:20:55,441
But really, it's these two fingers...
230
00:20:56,458 --> 00:20:59,280
that... that give you
those extra couple of inches...
231
00:21:00,697 --> 00:21:01,683
to...
232
00:21:05,656 --> 00:21:06,681
Oh ! Oh.
233
00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:14,400
- Aha.
- I'm sorry.
234
00:21:20,495 --> 00:21:24,802
I don't know why you thought sensitive guys
were such a good idea.
235
00:21:25,797 --> 00:21:28,052
Maybe that's because that's what you go for.
236
00:21:28,337 --> 00:21:30,321
Uhh... Yeah... No.
237
00:21:30,375 --> 00:21:34,802
Oh, but he's so sensitive and so quiet.
238
00:21:34,857 --> 00:21:36,841
And so square.
239
00:21:37,858 --> 00:21:39,522
Just like you, Kimmy.
240
00:21:39,577 --> 00:21:44,120
If you could put up with the premature ejaculators,
you two would be a match made in heaven.
241
00:21:44,125 --> 00:21:47,713
- He is not, absolutely not the type I go for.
- Mmm.
242
00:21:47,856 --> 00:21:50,081
So why have you been weird all day ?
243
00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:53,282
Maybe it's cos you're jealous.
244
00:21:53,337 --> 00:21:55,042
I so do not like him.
245
00:21:55,097 --> 00:21:57,810
Well, maybe you like me, then.
246
00:22:02,106 --> 00:22:03,691
What ?
247
00:22:08,418 --> 00:22:09,411
Nothing.
248
00:22:14,498 --> 00:22:16,481
Oh, my God.
249
00:22:18,098 --> 00:22:20,082
Oh, my God. You... You fancy me.
250
00:22:26,767 --> 00:22:28,193
I've... gotta... go.
251
00:23:01,028 --> 00:23:06,092
Synchronization and corrections
Allenmcbeal
252
00:23:09,095 --> 00:23:11,091
Tracklist :
"Do You Realize ?", The Flaming Lips
"Angel Interceptor", Ash
253
00:23:11,098 --> 00:23:13,092
"Melt", Leftfield
"Sunrise", Pulp
"Thinking About Tomorrow", Beth Orton
254
00:23:13,108 --> 00:23:15,103
"Knock On Wood", Amii Stewart
"Serenade", Emiliana Torrini
"Gentle Piece", Craig Armstrong
255
00:23:15,108 --> 00:23:17,102
"Little Bird", Marianne Faithful
"Today has been OK", Emiliana Torrini
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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19708
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