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1
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,254
RON:
Thank you, Tucson!
2
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,842
Hi. Linda?
3
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,278
Oh, my God!
You found Chester!
4
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,813
Chester-- I did--
the poor little guy.
5
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,181
Found him limping around
6
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,516
all cold and hungry,
dangerously close
7
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:49,783
to an abandoned well.
8
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,319
He's lucky I came along.
9
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,387
I wouldn't say
I saved his life, but he might.
10
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,323
I don't know how to thank you.
11
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,526
Oh, let me give you something.
12
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,361
Oh, no, no, no,
no, please, no.
13
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,130
Just seeing the little guy back
in the arms of a loved one--
14
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,331
that's all the thanks I need.
15
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,798
(sobs happily)
Although...
16
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:09,103
(clears throat) You did
advertise a, uh, $100 reward,
17
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,305
so I think, legally,
I have to accept it.
18
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,873
Yeah.
Oh. Oh, okay.
19
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,176
Plus, uh, he ate $75
out of my wallet,
20
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,677
but I'm willing
to go halfsies on that with you.
21
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,288
(high-pitched whistle)
22
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:35,229
Hello, handsome.
23
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,231
Here we go.
24
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:40,568
*
25
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,342
I'm telling you,
26
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:50,578
a human could totally survive
a fall from that height.
27
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,612
No way.
28
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,881
A cat, maybe,
but not a human.
29
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,449
That's only
because they're too dumb
30
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:56,917
to know how far
they're falling.
31
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,287
Enough talk. Am I going up
on the roof or not?
32
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,622
RON: Ooh, hey, hey, don't
get too comfortable, buddy.
33
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,291
You're only here
until the flyers go up.
34
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,492
Check it
out, a dog!
Cool!
35
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,927
Oh, oh, no touching!
No touching! (stammering)
36
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,297
I'm-I'm watching it for a really
tight-assed friend of mine.
37
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,299
Gotta keep it
in mint condition.
38
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,766
Geez... so you guys
really like dogs, huh?
39
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,902
Yeah, but our dad
never let us have one.
40
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,237
Our housekeeper
had one, though.
41
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,705
She used to tell us
stories about it.
42
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,340
It sounded adorable.
43
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:20,874
Well, you know,
I don't see any reason
44
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,210
why you guys couldn't
have one now.
45
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,211
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a second here.
46
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,779
A dog is a big responsibility.
47
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,581
What's the big deal?
If the boys want to get a dog,
48
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:28,449
let's get 'em a dog.
49
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,484
Awesome!
50
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,686
Ron, can I see you
by the barbecue?
51
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:33,821
You need to talk these type
of things over with me
52
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:36,324
before you make a
big decision like this.
53
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,858
You're completely
undermining my authority.
54
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,361
Oh, you're overreacting.
It's no big deal.
55
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:43,397
Yeah, it's no big deal to you,
'cause you get to be the hero.
56
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,466
I'm gonna be the one
stuck cleaning up after it.
57
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,468
Okay, all right, fine.
58
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,436
Sorry, guys, no dog.
59
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:49,637
BRANDON & ROBBY:
No!
60
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,573
Great, now I'm the buzz kill.
61
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:53,641
(sighs)
62
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,543
Okay, fine, I guess
we can try it...
63
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,445
Yeah!
Yeah!
64
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:58,846
But if we're getting a dog,
65
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:01,349
it needs to be house-trained
and hypoallergenic for Robby.
66
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,182
Absolutely.
67
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,918
I can't believe
I'm agreeing to this.
68
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:08,856
Okay, now, here's $500.
69
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,791
Get a good one.
70
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,493
You keep your money
in the barbecue?
71
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,194
Not anymore.
72
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,335
Hey, Ron, check it out.
Uh, I can't. I can't
73
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,703
right now, Joker.
I'm in a hurry.
74
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,272
I got to get a dog for my kids.
75
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,574
Oh, okay. I just thought
you might want
76
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,409
to look at...
77
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:30,811
Gene Simmons' boots.
78
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,682
Are you
kidding me?
(laughs)
79
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,350
Aw!
80
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,352
Oh, my God!
81
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,953
From the "Hotter
than Hell" tour.
82
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,522
Opening night in London.
83
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,324
No, no-- Berlin.
84
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,329
450 bucks, and I think
85
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,464
there's some groupie panties
jammed in the toe.
86
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,032
Shut up.
87
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,033
Oh, my God, there are.
88
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,769
Oh, I can have these.
89
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:56,870
No.
90
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,539
No, no. I can't.
91
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,374
Come on, Ron.
92
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,543
Are you or are you not
a member of the Kiss Army?
93
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,345
Hey, you know
that I am.
94
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,046
Don't start questioning
my loyalties, all right?
95
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,715
I just, I have to
96
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,650
spend this money
on a...
(growling)
97
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,352
dog.
98
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,490
Wait a minute...
99
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,891
You know what?
100
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,993
On second thought,
wrap those puppies up.
101
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,662
They're mine.
102
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:22,963
(laughs)
103
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,532
I hope you take cash.
104
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,367
Good call.
105
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,436
You're gonna get so much tail
with these, it's sick.
106
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:31,872
(mouthing)
107
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:33,741
All right.
108
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:37,277
(laughter)
109
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,682
So, a purebred
Swedish Vallhund, huh?
110
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:42,816
Mm-hmm, yeah.
111
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,485
And he's house-trained?
112
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,687
Yeah. That's what the guy at
the pet store told me anyway.
113
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,922
You know, I had to spend
a little extra, but, uh,
114
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,358
the looks on their
faces. Oh, my gosh.
115
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,760
I love him already!
116
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,328
See?
117
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,963
He smells like old pizza.
118
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,599
Oh, that's the, uh,
organic flea dip.
119
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,733
It's, uh, tomato-based.
120
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:00,934
Very expensive.
121
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,102
Oh. Who's a good doggie?
122
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,104
You're a good dog. Yes, you are.
123
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,006
But don't get a big head
about it, okay?
124
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,341
'Cause nobody likes that.
125
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,642
Ah, look at those two.
126
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,844
I'm glad you talked me
into this.
Yeah.
127
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,346
Yeah, you know, there's
got to be an upside
128
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:13,547
to having your
dad in prison.
129
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:14,482
Now, if you need me,
130
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:15,516
I'll be in my shed.
131
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,050
Wait, Ron.
132
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,118
Yeah?
133
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,853
You know, maybe it's time
134
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,121
you moved into the house.
135
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,723
Really?
136
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,592
Don't-Don't say that
unless you mean it, Gary.
137
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,126
I mean, I know
we've had some trust issues,
138
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,961
but you've been doing a lot
of good things
139
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,563
for this
family lately.
140
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,131
I think you've earned a place
on the couch.
141
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,666
I have. And you know what?
142
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,635
I'm really glad
that I finally have your trust.
143
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,636
Feels good.
144
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,371
So, what's in the bag?
145
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,507
Oh. It's, uh, dog food.
146
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,375
BRANDON:
There's something really
147
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,544
soulful and wise about this guy.
148
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,380
I don't know why Dad never
let us get a dog before.
149
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,449
Yeah.
What was his problem?
150
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,117
Oh, no.
151
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,488
RON (sighs):
Oh!
152
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,758
Ooh, God, almost forgotten
what a toilet seat felt like.
153
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,393
It's really good.
154
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,395
It's all thanks to you,
my main canine.
155
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:02,996
All right, now,
if you don't mind,
156
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,132
that couch has got my name
all over it.
157
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,066
(growls)
No?
158
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:09,036
Oh, got a tough guy here, huh?
159
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,103
(growling)
160
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,939
Okay.
161
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,006
(growling)
Okay.
162
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,442
All right. Oh, okay, okay.
163
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,142
You can have it.
164
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,777
(growling)
165
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:17,878
For tonight.
166
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:22,616
But... I get
167
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,018
my blanket!
168
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,954
(Ron laughs, dog snarls)
169
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,490
Ah, too slow, sucker.
170
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,158
It's mine.
171
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,626
(sniffs)
172
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:35,128
Oh, my God! Oh!
173
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,864
Come on!
174
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:45,105
Hey, you know how when people
die they come back as animals?
175
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,174
I think the science is far from
settled on that one, Brandon.
176
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:47,975
Really?
177
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,877
So an entire subcontinent
of Hindus
178
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,512
are actually ignorant morons.
179
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,013
That's a pretty bold
statement, Gary.
180
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,484
Who are you?
181
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,587
Wait, wait,
don't tell me.
182
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,655
Push me towards him.
I want to play with him!
183
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:02,856
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
184
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,859
Whoa! You guys, uh, might want
to take it easy with that dog.
185
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,461
He's got
a pretty vicious temper.
186
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,497
What are you talking about?
He's great.
Yeah.
187
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,499
Want to see how great he is?
188
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,601
Okay. Little something
I picked up last night.
189
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,035
Here we go.
190
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,872
(laughter)
191
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,207
Yeah, that is pretty terrifying.
192
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,876
Are you also afraid
of butterflies?
193
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,479
Ha, ha. No. All right,
you guys should have seen it.
194
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,147
He was up all night
growling at me.
195
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,982
I thought he was gonna
bite my butt off.
196
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,117
Now he ate my waffles!
197
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,786
Waffles. That's perfect!
We'll call him
198
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,688
Waffles!
Yeah. Great.
Did you not feed him?
199
00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:35,889
GARY:
I knew
200
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,224
this would happen, Brandon.
201
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,726
Well, Robby didn't
feed him, either.
202
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,693
Why are you yelling at me?
203
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,194
I'm not yelling at...
204
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,697
(quieter):
I'm not yelling at you.
205
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,098
All I'm trying to say is
206
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,267
that having a dog means
having responsibilities.
207
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,902
Can you back me up here, Ron?
208
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:49,970
Boys, do what your brother says,
209
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,672
or I'll never hear
the end of it.
210
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,185
(music plays on TV)
211
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,555
(dog whining)
212
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,190
You guys walk the dog today?
213
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:14,127
Guys, anybody walk the dog?
214
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,296
(dog whining)
215
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,098
(grumbles)
216
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,034
(liquid splashing)
217
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,771
Oh, my God, that's disgusting.
218
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,839
Right on the autograph!
219
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,575
All right, that's it.
220
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:30,811
Time for someone
to learn a lesson.
221
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,682
(growling)
222
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:35,916
Okay, I learned!
223
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,718
I learned!
224
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,953
(barking)
I learned!
225
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,694
Aah!
226
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,961
Think I'm afraid of you?
227
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,262
I'm not afraid of you.
228
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,699
You're just
a stupid dog.
229
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,133
I got news
for you, buddy.
230
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,135
I'm as smart as any dog.
231
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,039
Boom.
232
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,974
(man speaking foreign language
on TV)
233
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,643
(crowd groaning)
234
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,078
MAN (on TV):
Coming up next on "Wolf Week"--
235
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,848
canis lupus negra,
the Sonoran Black Wolf.
236
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,283
Well known for his cunning,
the Sonoran Black is
237
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,352
a predatory, marauding killer.
238
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,654
(howling)
239
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:18,291
(howling)
240
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:29,803
*
241
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,608
Hey. Hey, Mike.
242
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:35,442
Listen, I got
243
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:38,111
a quick question for you
about wolves.
244
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:39,112
Oh, that's right.
245
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:41,381
You got a question about
animals, ask the Indian.
246
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,784
We've got a spiritual
connection to nature, huh?
247
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,185
Ancient wisdom
handed down
248
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,854
from our forefathers.
249
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:50,323
How come nobody ever asks me
about the stock market?
250
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,092
I don't know.
251
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,261
Okay, so the wolf is
a majestic creature,
252
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,931
known as much for its cunning
as for its savage beauty.
253
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,933
It's a very
misunderstood animal.
254
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,769
Yeah. Hey, listen...
255
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,737
Okay, Mike,
I-I have more.
256
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:04,838
Excuse me.
257
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,640
What can you tell me
about this shoe?
258
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:07,875
Uh, I think the question is,
259
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,409
what can you tell me
about the shoe?
260
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,779
Okay, I can't teach if
you haven't done your homework.
261
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,147
But I was just
wanting to know.
But, but, but. No buts, okay?
262
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:16,116
Take care of your feet,
they'll take care of you.
263
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,417
Come back to me
when you're serious.
264
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,019
Thank you.
265
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,320
Hey, Mike, okay, I got it.
They're awesome,
266
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,655
beautiful animals.
267
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:22,790
What I need to know is,
268
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:23,724
can you domesticate them?
269
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,192
Oh, sure.
270
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,794
Native people have been doing
it for thousands of years.
271
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,028
Really?
You bet.
272
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,229
Works out great.
273
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,732
Right up to the
time they turn.
274
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,667
Turn?
275
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:37,104
Yeah, one day they're your best
friend, then all of a sudden...
276
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,039
they go feral,
rip your throat out.
277
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,173
Happens every time.
278
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,374
Every time?
279
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,844
Well, not...
Yeah, every time.
280
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,982
Hey, did you see
Project Runway last night?
281
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,985
Jillian is totally
out of control.
282
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,253
ROBBY:
Brandon,
283
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,088
that's crazy.
284
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,857
Waffles isn't Grandpa.
285
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,458
I'm not saying he is for sure,
286
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,094
but you have to admit
there are a lot of similarities.
287
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,096
He has that Texas-shaped
birthmark on his belly
288
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,097
just like Grandpa,
289
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,734
he loves listening to Sinatra,
just like Grandpa,
290
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,937
and he's always burying things
in the backyard;
291
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,205
classic Grandpa.
Come on.
292
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,846
Oh, look who's here,
293
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:22,015
the Gunderson boys.
294
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,050
Refresh my memory.
295
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,384
Didn't we have a little chat
296
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,319
about you bringing your garbage
cans in on time?
297
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,955
I'm fairly sure
we did.
298
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,824
I'm also fairly sure we left
a note on your door.
299
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:31,725
And in the mailbox.
300
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,126
And on your car.
301
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,295
Yeah, we're not big note people.
302
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,897
We must have missed them.
303
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,165
But, for future reference,
304
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,433
muffin baskets are
a big attention grabber.
305
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:43,336
I like their dog.
I want it.
306
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,805
(quietly):
Get her the damn dog, Elliot.
307
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,439
We don't want her wetting
her bed till she's 20.
308
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,741
(whispers):
Okay, okay.
309
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,077
(normal volume):
Hey...
310
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,913
you boys wouldn't be willing
to part with him, would you?
311
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,782
He's not for sale!
He's family!
312
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,049
On my dad's side.
313
00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:00,020
Come on, boys, you can play
fast and loose when it comes
314
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,989
to garbage cans,
and no one gets hurt.
315
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,490
But this is a dog
we're talking about.
316
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,458
Hey, you hard
of hearing or are you
317
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:06,894
just looking for a fight?
318
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,528
Who's he talking to, Mommy?
319
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,297
I don't know, dear.
320
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,198
Come on, Elliot.
321
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,334
You wanna go?! Let's go!
322
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,270
Not so tough now,
are ya, little man?!
323
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,408
A wolf?!
324
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,978
What the hell kind of pet store
sells a wolf?!
325
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:26,246
I don't know.
That's crazy, right?
326
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:29,449
I tell you what, I am this close
to writing them a stern letter.
327
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,318
We have to get rid of it
before Brandon and Robby
328
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,519
get any more attached to it.
329
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:33,954
Yeah.
They're acting
330
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,388
like this thing breast-fed them.
331
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,157
Yeah, they do love it,
don't they?
332
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,126
You'd have to be some kind of
cold-hearted bastard
333
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,261
to crush 'em like that--
you do it.
334
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:44,164
No way! It was all your fault
to begin with, Ron.
335
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,999
You don't get to just waltz
in here and be
336
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:47,801
the fun dad,
while I'm the one stuck
337
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,169
always having to say no.
338
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,371
(quietly):
Can we please not argue
in front of them?
339
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,073
You guys should've seen it.
340
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,943
Waffles chased down a motorcycle
and gave it a flat tire.
341
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,577
Grandpa always hated speeders.
342
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,012
Ron?
343
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:00,080
Okay.
Let's go.
344
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,381
Come on.
Okay, all right.
345
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,216
Okay, let's go.
Don't push me.
346
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,385
Okay, gang, listen up.
347
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,987
There is, uh,
something important
348
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:10,223
that you need to know
about Waffles.
349
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,325
What's the matter with me?
350
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,094
I can't stop smiling.
351
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,963
Aw, come here, boy.
352
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,130
Something, something important
353
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,866
that I think
Gary can explain best.
354
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,234
Uh, no, Ron, you were
doing fine. Go ahead.
355
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,303
No, seriously, you're so much
better at it than me.
356
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:24,037
Waffles is a wolf!
357
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,440
Awesome!
358
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,375
A wolf!
359
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,177
No, no, no,
360
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,511
you guys don't understand--
it's not awesome.
361
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,146
It's a wild dangerous animal.
362
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,614
He could go berserk
at any minute.
363
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,083
What are you talking about?
364
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,317
Waffles is not dangerous.
365
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,486
I mean, sure, he had
some old-fashioned ideas
366
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,453
about immigrants, but...
367
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,089
Okay, having a wolf
in the house is dangerous.
368
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,156
It's gotta go.
369
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,391
End of story.
370
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:48,161
No way! If he goes, I go!
371
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:54,034
Man, we really need
to brush his teeth.
372
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,108
What a waste of $500.
373
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,010
Tell me about it.
374
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,978
I never even got
to wear 'em out.
375
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,279
Excuse me?
376
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:09,282
I never got to take the dog
for a jog, you know?
377
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,584
I never got to throw
the ol' tennis ball around.
378
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,887
That damn pet store.
I'm telling ya,
379
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:14,821
we're going
down there tomorrow
380
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,924
and we're gonna make them
give us a new dog.
381
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,159
No, no, you don't want
to do that.
382
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,228
Why not? That seems
like the logical thing to do.
383
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,396
I know, I know.
Just give me a minute here.
384
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:24,932
You know what?
385
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,433
I better go down there
on my own.
386
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:29,102
I don't want you to see how
angry I get with these people.
387
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:31,571
Believe me, I've got some words
for these guys, too.
388
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,405
I'm going with you.
389
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,374
Great.
390
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,612
What-what the hell, Ron?
391
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,249
This is bizarre.
There was a high-end
392
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,917
pet boutique
here yesterday.
393
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,685
Damn this economy!
394
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,187
Oh!
395
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,157
What is going on?
396
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,993
Well, I think it all started
with the selfish bastards
397
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,227
on Wall Street securitizing
mortgages...
398
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,530
Enough! Just look me in the eyes
and tell me...
399
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,166
Okay, I lied, all right?!
400
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,334
I found the wolf in the trash
and I used the money
401
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:04,371
to buy classic rock memorabilia
for my feet. Wow.
402
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,439
Feels good
to clear the air, right?
403
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,408
Fist bump?
404
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:20,620
You owe me $500 and you're
back in the shed. Got it?
405
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:24,057
That's actually more lenient
than I was expecting.
406
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,226
I should've known
not to trust you.
407
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,429
Listen, it was supposed to be
a win/win situation, okay?
408
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,198
I got screwed by fate.
I don't understand why
409
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,433
everything keeps blowing up
in my face.
410
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,467
Hi, there.
411
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:37,270
I'm Colonel Drake Thunder.
412
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,639
My special ops unit is shipping
out tonight at 3600 hours,
413
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:42,275
Need to find a home
for our beloved family pet.
414
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,077
That's a wolf.
415
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,445
Say again?
416
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,680
That's a wolf,
Colonel Thunder.
417
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,382
We don't take wolves.
418
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,018
Well, then I guess I know
whose side you're on
419
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,519
in the War on Terror.
420
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:53,553
Let's go, son.
421
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,359
So, what do you think, Coach?
422
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,393
Interesting idea.
423
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,130
A live wolf on the sidelines
424
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,432
would make a pretty strong
statement to the other teams.
425
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,534
Forget it, douche bag!
426
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,336
We already have
a mascot!
427
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,171
Can your wolf
do this?
428
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,040
Wolves! Wolves!
That's our name!
429
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:15,575
Compared to us,
you guys are lame!
430
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,344
We'll scratch you!
We'll maul you!
431
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:18,778
We'll tear you to shreds!
432
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,247
And we won't give up
433
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,983
until you're all dead...za!
434
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,254
(whoops)
435
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,059
He's my son.
436
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,496
You really think we're
doing the right thing?
437
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,698
What choice do we have?
438
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,401
Brandon and Robby are gonna
take it really hard.
439
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,436
I know. Maybe it'll build
character though, you know.
440
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,472
I mean, it's like this one time
my dad got really drunk
441
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,507
and swallowed all the fish in
my aquarium, plus the castle.
442
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:48,341
Look at me.
443
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,578
Uh-huh.
444
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:52,812
So, what are we gonna tell them?
445
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,048
Just gonna keep it simple.
446
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:56,816
We'll tell 'em
that Waffles ran away.
447
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,052
They'll take it really badly,
we'll take it really badly.
448
00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,120
We'll all have a good cry.
449
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,122
It's a teachable moment.
450
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,191
Here we go.
451
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:07,560
Take this back to your pack.
452
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:08,561
The bitches will love you.
453
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,232
(car engine starts)
454
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,571
(panting)
455
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:19,772
What...?
456
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,141
How did he...?
457
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,342
Assassins!
458
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,811
You tried to get rid of Waffles!
459
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,346
The Germans couldn't
do it in Normandy,
460
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,547
and neither can you!
461
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,581
We had to do it.
462
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:29,749
You guys gotta understand.
463
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:30,817
It's for your own good.
464
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,552
Think about it.
465
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,853
The Three Little Pigs.
466
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,355
Little Red Riding Hood.
467
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,589
Teen Wolf.
468
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:37,857
Teen Wolf Too.
469
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,826
The whole
Teen Wolf franchise, really.
470
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,161
You see a common
denominator here?
471
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,296
That you're both dirtbag liars!
472
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,297
Come on, Robby.
473
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,499
Let's go feed Waffles.
474
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,734
RON:
No, guys, wait.
475
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,569
Don't-Don't, guys!
476
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,704
All right, you know what?
Fine. That's fine.
477
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:52,839
Go ahead and play
with fire.
478
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:55,508
Don't say I didn't
warn you.
479
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:56,809
Gave it a shot.
480
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,145
My conscience is clear.
481
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,147
Ron, please.
What?!
482
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,648
What do you want
me to do, Gary?
483
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:02,849
They don't listen
to me, okay?
484
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,517
Just, you know,
give it a few weeks,
485
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,386
they'll get bored with him.
It'll be just like
486
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,420
the pirate ship go-kart.
487
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,291
BRANDON:
I don't get it.
488
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,859
He's not eating
his dog food.
(giggling): Waffles.
489
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,627
Waffles, stop.
490
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:17,530
ROBBY: Waffles.
(sighs)
491
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,366
No! No, no. Bad dog.
492
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,867
Don't make me spank you
with the paper.
493
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,270
Brandon, no! Brandon!
494
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,605
Don't, you'll
set him off.
495
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,806
(Robby giggling)
496
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,841
ROBBY:
Try yanking his ears.
497
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:29,742
(giggling):
Waffles.
498
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,811
Waffles, stop.
Be right back.
499
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:32,745
BRANDON:
No, no, no.
500
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,714
Bad dog.
501
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,355
What are you doing, Ron?
502
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:43,856
Something stupid.
503
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,327
Something really stupid.
504
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:53,132
Gene, Paul, Ace, protect me.
505
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,603
Pete... you just keep the beat.
506
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,509
This is it, Gary.
507
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:03,676
Time to take care of business.
508
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:04,744
*
509
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,746
Get out of my way, Brandon.
510
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:07,814
BRANDON: Ron?
(grunts)
511
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,349
Ron, what are
you doing, man?
512
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,184
Stay out of this!
We don't need your help.
513
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,252
RON: Oh, yeah?
(Waffles growls)
514
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,786
I'll show you
what a wolf can do.
515
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,355
(fabric ripping, tearing)
516
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,323
RON:
See? This is what
I'm talking about.
517
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,957
(Waffles barking)
ROBBY:
What's happening?
518
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,859
BRANDON:
No! Grandpa!
(barking continues)
519
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,461
Oh, I didn't use
enough padding.
520
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,629
(Waffles growling)
521
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:23,796
Oh, please, God, no.
522
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,498
Gene, where are you?
523
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,272
And there you go.
524
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,606
Ow!
525
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,841
Oh, that's just phantom pain.
526
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,409
Your body's in way
too much shock
527
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:38,345
to comprehend how much
pain it's actually in.
528
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,246
See?
529
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,849
So, we're not gonna rub
ourselves with meat
530
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,651
and wrestle a wolf
again, are we?
531
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,920
Well, I can't make any promises,
but it's pretty unlikely.
532
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:49,422
GARY: Hey.
533
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:50,890
Hey, guys.
534
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,892
Hey, don't worry,
I'm fine.
535
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,627
It wasn't as bad
as it looked.
536
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,763
How bad did it look?
537
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,831
I swear, I will never tell
anyone about the crying.
538
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,333
Although, it was more
like wailing,
539
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,402
with giant, soundless
sobs in between,
540
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,837
and I think loss of
bladder control is
really involuntary
541
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:05,872
at that point...
Okay, shush, shush.
542
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:06,873
Got it. Thank you!
543
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,908
Good news, uh,
544
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,244
Brandon and Robby agreed
to get rid of Waffles.
545
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,545
You did?
Yeah.
546
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:13,880
Yeah, I don't think he's
Grandpa after all.
547
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,782
If he was, he would've
finished you off
548
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:16,783
and buried you in
the backyard.
549
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,618
What?
550
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,520
Never mind.
Just try and get some rest.
551
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,455
Okay. I will.
552
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,391
Hey, listen, as soon
as I'm done in here,
553
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,493
I'll move all my stuff
out of the house.
554
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:28,761
About that--
we took a vote and decided
555
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,931
that it's probably best
you recuperate in the house.
556
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,300
And then we'll take it
557
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,301
from there and see.
558
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,802
Really? That's so good.
559
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:36,969
Thank you.
560
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,805
You won't regret it. I promise.
561
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:39,839
Where's Robby?
562
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,842
It wasn't unanimous.
563
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,678
I see.
564
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,814
I can't do it.
565
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,449
You do it, Brandon.
I can't do it.
566
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,818
He doesn't deserve this,
even if he isn't Grandpa.
567
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,553
No one does.
568
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,422
I'll do it, girls.
569
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,591
(doorbell rings)
570
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,898
We want you to have Waffles.
571
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,869
You were right, he does deserve
a home like yours.
39351
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