Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:07,483
You guys were right.
I read the ad wrong.
2
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:11,612
It wasn't for a candy-striper.
It was for a candy-stripper.
3
00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,263
What is that, a joke?
4
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:16,909
Check it out.
Snot forgot his vest.
5
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,286
I guess we all know
what that means, right?
6
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,288
Uh, that's a no.
7
00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:24,458
Snot secretly takes off his vest
when he dumps out.
8
00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,168
Oh, no. He hides that?
9
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:29,988
Be proud, guy. It's cool to poo.
10
00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:34,826
What's this?
11
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,807
Hey, this is about us.
It's a list of the family.
12
00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,976
We're ranked.
13
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,060
Ranked?
14
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:46,647
On what, may I ask, did Snot rank us?
15
00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:47,964
Hotness.
16
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:50,568
Oh, my God.
17
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:53,053
I'm not last. I'm not last!
18
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:55,889
I forgot my vest.
19
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,266
Sit the hell down, Snot.
20
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:02,353
'Tis the season for questions.
21
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:03,855
Gulp.
22
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,836
Good morning, USA.
23
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,421
What is this, Snot?
24
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:15,509
First off, isn't some weird ranking
of who I am personally attracted to.
25
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:20,389
It's just a super normal,
kind of hard to even be mad about, list
26
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,517
of the objective hotness
of my best friend's family.
27
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,811
Just to be clear, I'm ranked number one.
28
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,272
- Does that mean...
- You're the hottest in the family.
29
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,274
Your Honor, I have
no more questions for him,
30
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:32,258
except to ask if he wants
to stay for dinner.
31
00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:35,780
I see.
I see, I'm seven on here.
32
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:39,075
I'm just not sure I understand
the numbering system.
33
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,535
Please allow me
to explain my conclusions.
34
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:46,040
Mr. Smith is ranked first
for his natural "talent."
35
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,626
The man has the perfect body.
36
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:52,963
Huge menacing torso, and legs
that are mostly an afterthought.
37
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:56,050
But the showstopper is a chin
38
00:01:56,074 --> 00:02:00,387
that makes you realize
that nothing is impossible.
39
00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,807
Hayley is ranked second.
40
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,309
She oozes potential.
41
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:09,146
A deep beauty lies within,
but it's mostly hidden
42
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,398
because she transcends fashion
43
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:14,843
and dresses in absolute defiance of it.
44
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,072
Steve came in a strong third.
45
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:21,408
His silky hair and soft hands are great,
46
00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:25,770
but it's that fat ass
that put him over the top.
47
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,375
Francine, I worry about your drinking.
48
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:32,253
And even though
it hasn't affected your looks yet,
49
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:36,531
it's just so... tragically sad.
50
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,596
Klaus is a gorgeous shade of orange.
51
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:46,791
Gazing upon him
is like watching a tropical sunset.
52
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:51,963
Jeff's feet are the perfect size
for his body.
53
00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,359
And that concludes my list.
54
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,485
What about me?
55
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,137
You've explained everyone's rankings
but not mine.
56
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:05,643
I just don't think it's fair to say
if it's something you can't change.
57
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,458
Announcement.
I'm skipping work for the month
58
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:14,128
and this time not just to play
Animal Crossing.
59
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:16,881
I'm going to finally start my magazine.
60
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,883
Stan Magazine is happening?
61
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:23,679
Yup. For the first time ever,
there will be a magazine for men.
62
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,557
Is this all because my friend
thought you were attractive?
63
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,350
He's my friend, too, Steve.
64
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:31,437
Dad, there are already tons
of men's magazines out there.
65
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:33,480
Stan Magazine will be different.
66
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:36,483
Stan Magazine will have
reviews of wristwatches
67
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,528
and a sex advice column from, get this,
68
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,697
a woman wearing glasses.
69
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,742
So there is irony at play
in this magazine.
70
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,953
Sorry I'm late for my breakfast.
I didn't get much sleep last night,
71
00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:50,480
- and I'm not feeling too hot.
- I bet you aren't.
72
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,483
I'm going to the zoo.
73
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,005
Dude, one of the gross hippos escaped.
74
00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,715
Oh, no, has a hippo gotten out?
75
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,009
Oh, no, they're talking about me.
76
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,469
That's no hippo.
77
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:07,389
It's a disgusting squid trying to sneak
out of the zoo in people clothes.
78
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:10,959
My confidence is so low
I don't even look human anymore.
79
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,213
The zoo got a monster.
80
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:21,654
Well, I've been to every bank
in the Tri-City metro area
81
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,907
and no one has the balls
to loan me money for my magazine.
82
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,285
Goddamn banks.
All they care about is money.
83
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,330
How are you doing, Barry?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
84
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,040
I really miss Nana.
85
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:37,277
Now all I have to remember her by
is the large inheritance she left me.
86
00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:41,572
Barry, my good man, have a seat.
87
00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:46,136
Francine, we have a guest.
Bring this lard ass some ribs.
88
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,596
I don't know if you've heard,
89
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,974
but I've got a lot of heat
on me right now.
90
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:54,395
Oh. I heard about Snot's
rankings. Congratulations.
91
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,730
I have
an investment opportunity for you.
92
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:59,650
Stan Magazine, a magazine for men.
93
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,194
It's luxury but also rugged.
94
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,221
It's political,
I but only for office politics.
95
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:09,017
- Dad, can you please not...
- Francine, silence the boy!
96
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,747
Do you know anything
about launching a magazine?
97
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:16,750
That's a great question.
I've got some better ones.
98
00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:19,461
What's Jeremy Renner's
favorite cigar shop?
99
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,839
Where does Gerard Butler
like to scuba dive?
100
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:25,759
Those are the big questions
Stan Magazine will attempt to answer.
101
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,785
- I'll give you $600.
- Great.
102
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,056
Barry, I'm so sorry
about your grandmother.
103
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:35,043
That she won't be here to see you
become a magazine millionaire.
104
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:38,689
Who cares what Snot, the family,
a couple of zoo workers
105
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,733
and an entire Starbucks think of you?
106
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,818
The barista asked me to leave the store,
107
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:45,321
and then I could hear
everyone cheer when I left.
108
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:49,265
Klaus, this is the least
confident and sexy I've ever felt.
109
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,329
Oh, no. It's the Wednesday
before Christmas, isn't it?
110
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,938
Tonight's my legendary
Christmas sex party.
111
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:58,959
Sex! Sex! Sex!
112
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,919
What a disaster.
113
00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:05,049
With your confidence so low and
my bang-tivity scene not finished yet,
114
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,343
I still have to glue on
Joseph's mammoth hog
115
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,786
and arrange
the Three Wise Men's circle jerk.
116
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,336
Upstairs.
117
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:23,275
So, Rog, when are you gonna
get in on the action?
118
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:26,111
Not sure. I got my hands full
with these refreshments,
119
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:29,281
and after that I feel like it's time
I build that Lego Death Star
120
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,616
I got six years ago.
121
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,410
Roger, you're being silly.
You're sexy as hell.
122
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:36,813
This is your party. Get in there, Santa.
123
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:39,917
Do I look good?
124
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,819
You are giving me
a full-on Yule log, bro.
125
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,843
Coming through. Excuse me.
Hey, how's it going over there?
126
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,429
There's a hippo in here!
127
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:56,058
It's clearly
a squid.
128
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,726
Okay. That hurts.
129
00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,062
Hey-o, how's the futon crew doing?
130
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,814
- Room for a fifth?
- No!
131
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:05,484
Oh, God. Whatever you're doing,
can you not do it near me?
132
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:06,985
Sorry, sorry.
133
00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:10,280
Everyone is just so
obsessed with sex at this orgy.
134
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:13,075
Whatever happened to
a little something called conversation?
135
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,160
Huh? Sorry, I wasn't listening.
136
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:18,539
Tuttle is really getting into
the Christmas spirit.
137
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,898
Giving and receiving.
138
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:27,589
I thought we could take a break
from all that humping
139
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:29,258
to share a nice Christmas goose.
140
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,801
Do we have to?
141
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:35,472
Yes. We're going to eat, chat, and enjoy
each other's sexiest body part.
142
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,516
- You mean the ball sack?
- The taint?
143
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,334
- Is he talking about the anus?
- The brain!
144
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,230
Have you read Dune?
I keep trying to get into it,
145
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,441
but I don't know,
maybe I'm just not a Dune guy.
146
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,509
Hey! I run the clapper around here.
147
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:53,073
Okay. Very funny everybody.
Where did the goose go?
148
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:56,201
I'm gonna turn off the light again,
and whoever took the goose,
149
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:58,227
just put it back. No questions asked.
150
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:01,957
Thank you.
151
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,418
Oh, no, did someone this goose?
152
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,027
Who this goose?
153
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,050
S'up, homies?
154
00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:15,012
Dad, what are you doing here?
And what happened to your face?
155
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:18,223
You think it's easy to stay on top
of Snot's rankings?
156
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:21,852
I had all the fat from my feet
and calves put into my cheeks and lips.
157
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,729
Hi, Snot. Always good to see you.
158
00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:27,399
Now, Barry, I wanted to chat
about continuing your investment
159
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,026
in Stan Magazine.
160
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:33,363
Don't forget your grandmother's
dying words. "Support print journalism."
161
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,723
Her dying words were, "Find my killer."
162
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,702
Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Smith,
163
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:41,538
but this all seems
like a giant vanity project.
164
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:45,501
You think I'm gonna take artistic advice
from my money guy? No way!
165
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,252
You suits are all the same.
166
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:51,381
You're the one wearing a suit.
I'm not giving you any more money.
167
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:53,425
Very well, you are dead to me.
168
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:56,744
I'm gonna go finish my lunch
with the sexy religious students.
169
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:02,100
You know, I always thought that cleaning
up after an orgy would be gross,
170
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,477
and I was right.
171
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,687
Klaus, I can't live like this anymore.
172
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:08,315
Sex makes everything so much worse,
173
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,235
so I've decided
to swear off sex from now on.
174
00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:13,070
I'm giving it up forever.
175
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,989
I'm with you. I'm sick of sex, too.
176
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:20,160
I don't wanna get railed, nailed,
Eiffel-towered, pretzel-dipped,
177
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:22,287
corkscrewed, flat-ironed,
178
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:25,374
wheel-barrowed or sporked ever again.
179
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,460
I'm done, done, done with sex.
180
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,420
- Sporked?
- Sex, who needs it?
181
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:34,156
Not me. My old downstairs
is basically destroyed anyways.
182
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,262
I like your vibe, strange woman.
183
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,931
Roger, professional uncle, hater of sex.
184
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,057
Elizabeth.
185
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:45,894
You know, if we're both really serious
about not having sex,
186
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,129
there's something we can do.
187
00:09:49,046 --> 00:09:50,923
- We got married!
- We got married!
188
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,925
Pum, pum, pum!
189
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,288
- Good morning.
- Good morning to you, sir.
190
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,872
- Companionship.
- Companionship.
191
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:06,981
Companionship.
192
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,358
Don't forget I'm part of this, too.
193
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:13,046
It's so nice not worrying
about sex anymore.
194
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,257
I can focus on
the important things in life,
195
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:16,883
like this flavorless oatmeal.
196
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:20,536
And I can wear my night guard
all day long.
197
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:27,251
This homemade apple cider vinegar
is so much more sour than store-bought.
198
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:38,054
The birds are quite promiscuous
up here in the mountains.
199
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:43,118
Woodworking. A true lasting pleasure.
200
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,352
I could do this all night.
201
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,914
But it's been a long day.
I think it's time to hit the hay.
202
00:10:47,938 --> 00:10:50,983
Honey, it's 7:15 in the morning.
203
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,449
Shh! He's coming.
204
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:03,746
Why is Dad dressed like a villainous
emperor from a sci-fi movie?
205
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,434
Thank you, Xerxes.
206
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,228
The venom of this little snake
reactivates my calf fat.
207
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:13,547
It's what we in the magazine business
call a "compound plumpening".
208
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,735
I have great news.
After a brief bankruptcy,
209
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,279
Stan Magazine will
continue to move forward
210
00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,931
thanks to our angel investor, Toshi.
211
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,577
- Don't you have friends of your own?
- Not really, no.
212
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:27,704
Okay. Let's get an update
from my writers.
213
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:31,416
Chuck Klosterman, how's that hit piece
on that cheap-ass loser, Barry?
214
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,877
It's a brutal Takedown as requested.
215
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,838
All right. That's enough, chatterbox.
I pay you to type, not to talk.
216
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:40,866
Stan, how many more tequilas
do you want me to taste test?
217
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:43,828
Um, I asked you to write about lacrosse.
218
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:48,767
Finally, Malcolm Glad well,
how are those wristwatch reviews coming?
219
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,811
Stan, I tried to explain,
220
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:54,898
my writings deal with the unexpected
implications of human behavior
221
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,692
in the social sciences.
222
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,652
Well, now you review wristwatches.
223
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,430
And remember, it's a men's magazine,
so the highest rating is five boners.
224
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:05,891
You heard the snake. Back to work.
225
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,979
Companionship!
226
00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:11,772
Companionship.
227
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:15,794
This is the life.
228
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:19,613
As little sex and as much
apple cider vinegar as we want.
229
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,326
I was kind of hoping that would kill me.
230
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:32,602
Mmm. Burnt-ass bread. Who needs sex?
231
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:36,005
Not me and my burnt-ass bread.
We're doing great.
232
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,778
Hi, Time Warner?
Yes, I'd like to lodge a complaint.
233
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:46,307
Dr. Phil is wearing a tan suit today,
and he looks like a giant fat penis.
234
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:50,895
There. Done.
235
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,065
We've been here for a while.
236
00:12:55,858 --> 00:12:57,610
I learned to play the piano.
237
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,216
What is that awful noise?
I don't like it.
238
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,409
Elizabeth, can you hear this?
239
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:13,393
"Uncle Tuttle's Ballsackular
Bang Bash"?
240
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:18,315
Elizabeth, my Christmas sex party has
been stolen by that pervert Al Tuttle.
241
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,567
Elizabeth, the party seems
bigger than ever.
242
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,986
There's a line around the block
to get in.
243
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,530
Oh, man, Elizabeth,
you're not gonna believe this,
244
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:29,659
but there's a woman there
that's biting your humdrum style.
245
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:32,120
What a joke.
She can't pull it off at all.
246
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:35,957
She even has your same back tattoo
that means "betrayal" in Chinese.
247
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,692
Elizabeth, you gotta see this!
Elizabeth?
248
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,654
Wait a minute.
249
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:44,824
I've been whatever is
Chinese for betrayed.
250
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,869
What is all the commotion?
251
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,224
Roger,
what is happening to you?
252
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,100
I don't know. I think this
is what happens
253
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,977
when my species had been betrayed.
254
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,146
Or maybe this is what happens
to my species
255
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,672
if they go a year without sex.
256
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:03,425
- How do you not know?
- I flunked out of school, Klaus.
257
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:06,988
Whoa, Roger.
258
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:11,493
I am not Roger anymore.
Call me the Grounch.
259
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:14,019
The Grounch who stole Sex-mas.
260
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:23,713
Gonna have sex
gonna have sex, gonna have sex today.
261
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:28,093
Oh, what fun it is to ride
on a random stranger's face.
262
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,302
Yay!
263
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:32,055
Now that the Grounch
had been betrayed,
264
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,766
he couldn't stand anyone getting laid.
265
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:38,144
And every party goer liked sex a lot.
266
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:41,606
But the Grounch, he did not.
267
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:46,152
The Grounch hates sex
and the people who have it one and all.
268
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:51,181
Most think because his boner
was two sizes too small.
269
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,162
The Grounch couldn't stand
to see all these people,
270
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,373
every one of them so horny.
271
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,083
He said to the heavens...
272
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,669
I must find a way to stop this orgy.
273
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:07,215
Right in that moment,
the Grounch got an idea.
274
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:12,328
A ghastly gruesome Grounchy idea.
275
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:16,290
I know exactly what
all these pervs need to get off.
276
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,519
Tonight I will steal
all their sexy things.
277
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:23,690
The spankaroos, the bungle fondlers
and the strap-on dil-dolls.
278
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:27,569
I will ruin their big party
and give everyone blue balls.
279
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:31,907
His mission clear,
the Grounch yelled down the hill.
280
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,934
If I can't have sex, then no one will!
281
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:40,606
You're a green one, Monsieur Grounch.
282
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:45,319
You have no sex appeal.
283
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:48,381
You look like a furry booger.
284
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:52,159
You're charming as a dead seal
Monsieur Grounch.
285
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:54,971
You smell like 3-day old gym shorts.
286
00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:58,415
Worn by an incontinent Shaquille O'Neal.
287
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:05,464
You're an original character
Monsieur Grounch.
288
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:08,526
That's an undeniable fact.
289
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:13,055
But if this does remind you
of some other creature.
290
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,932
Don't overreact.
291
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:19,788
The Supreme Court ruled
that a parody may claim.
292
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:23,649
Fair use under Section 107.
293
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,776
Of the Copyright Act
294
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,838
1 Where's my Peepee Pump-o Max?
295
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,757
And I'm looking
for my hoohoo wax.
296
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:35,095
I can't possibly get down
without my rootie-too tie-bootie snacks.
297
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:36,972
Hey where's my dingle dongle?
298
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,433
And I can't have sex
without my vibro-schlongle.
299
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:43,335
Has anyone seen my anal tongle?
300
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:48,841
You're a piece of shit
Monsieur Grounch.
301
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:53,178
You stink like a Muppet's fart.
302
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,700
You're a real bad apple.
303
00:16:56,724 --> 00:17:00,519
You're worse than Paul Blart
The mall cop.
304
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:06,108
You're the worst thing to happen
to the local community.
305
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,778
Since Walmart.
306
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,017
Tuck in that shirt.
This isn't fajita night at Applebee's.
307
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,227
This is fajita night catered
by Applebee's
308
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,462
for Stan Magazine's launch party.
309
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,316
All right. It's 8:00.
310
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,968
Time to open the doors
and let the riff-raff in.
311
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,489
Where's my riff-raff?
312
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:40,368
Dad, I tried to tell you
that no one had RSVP'd.
313
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:43,913
But you just kept accusing me
of not considering fashion an art form.
314
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,416
Fashion is an art form, Hayley.
315
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,733
Wait, no one's coming?
316
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,446
Put that back on the pedestal.
317
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,425
What's with the Pikachus on every page?
318
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:58,762
What, you think it's too much
like all the other men's magazines?
319
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:01,080
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
like you, Steve.
320
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:06,794
No!
321
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,715
Why must the beautiful suffer so?
322
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:16,053
The Grounch was happy,
his mission complete.
323
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,640
Till he heard the sound
of sucking on feet.
324
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,994
I don't understand.
How could this be?
325
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:25,896
They're still having the sex party?
326
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:30,835
And then he made a realization
that made his face flush.
327
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:34,172
The spirit of sex is too hard to crush.
328
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:38,635
The Grounch realized that
a sex party isn't about toys,
329
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,721
lingerie, or lube with spermicide...
330
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:44,331
It's about feeling sexy inside.
331
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,685
But that's exactly
what the Grounch didn't feel.
332
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:50,855
I guess before bed, I'll have a sad
bowl of oatmeal.
333
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:54,692
And that might've been
the end of our pathetic tale
334
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:58,571
if the Grounch hadn't noticed that
he was standing on a scale.
335
00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,907
Holy shit! I've lost two pounds.
336
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,100
It must be all that oatmeal
I've been eating.
337
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,186
Dang, I look skinny as hell.
338
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:14,963
That was the moment
that everything changed.
339
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,883
Suddenly the Grounch
didn't feel like such a grump.
340
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:23,579
The Grounch was feeling sexy,
and he wanted to hump.
341
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:39,696
I want to apologize to all of you.
I'm sorry I tried to ruin your night.
342
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,615
Not good enough. We're mad at you.
343
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:45,410
You know, you stole
Hideki's heartburn medication.
344
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:46,536
Not cool.
345
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:51,315
Well, if words can't convince you,
maybe this will change your mind.
346
00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,072
Mmm... Let us talk it over.
347
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,222
We've decided we want
to have sex with you.
348
00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:09,601
Elizabeth... I want you first.
349
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,102
Please come in.
350
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,771
There's snacks in the kitchen,
a shower in the back,
351
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:15,964
and no finishing on my iguana.
352
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:26,618
Ah, I guess I screwed off
all my green fur.
353
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:29,746
Well, I did it, Klaus.
I schtupped the whole town.
354
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:33,416
Congratulations, Roger.
Glad you got your mojo back.
355
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:37,712
Yeah, me too. I just don't understand
what lesson I was supposed to learn.
356
00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,571
Don't you remember?
357
00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:42,324
Confidence is sexy.
358
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,511
Oh, hi, Jeans.
So this was all about confidence?
359
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:47,347
Obviously.
360
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,265
Goodbye, Roger.
361
00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:54,086
I must now return to where I live.
Behind the moon.
362
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,964
Merry Christmas...
363
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:01,510
And happy New Year.
29127
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