All language subtitles for The King of Queens - 07x20 - Catching Hell.Unknown.English.edit.Addic7ed.com
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,878 --> 00:00:13,878
Hey.
Hey.
2
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,681
Why are you
all dressed up?
3
00:00:16,682 --> 00:00:19,634
Well, you told me Carrie got us
into her company skybox.
4
00:00:19,635 --> 00:00:20,902
Yeah, but it's still
a Mets game.
5
00:00:20,903 --> 00:00:22,888
Why are you going
all Cliff Huxtable on me?
6
00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:25,056
I've never been in the really
fancy seats before,
7
00:00:25,057 --> 00:00:26,224
and I'm a little excited.
8
00:00:26,225 --> 00:00:27,625
If I can make
your dream come true
9
00:00:27,626 --> 00:00:29,527
and make us even
for breaking your drill,
10
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:31,012
then that's all that matters.
11
00:00:31,013 --> 00:00:32,480
You told me you were
gonna pay for that.
12
00:00:32,481 --> 00:00:34,248
And I am, with the magic
of Shea Stadium.
13
00:00:34,249 --> 00:00:35,317
Oh, man.
14
00:00:35,318 --> 00:00:36,384
Well, I guess it's better
15
00:00:36,385 --> 00:00:37,686
than when you lost my cell phone
16
00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:39,554
and paid me back
with the magic of a song
17
00:00:39,555 --> 00:00:41,690
written personally for me.
Okay,
18
00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:44,342
you didn't like
"Get Your Freak On, Deac-on"?
19
00:00:46,295 --> 00:00:47,662
All right.
20
00:00:47,663 --> 00:00:49,781
We should get going.
Where's Spence?
21
00:00:49,782 --> 00:00:51,649
Oh, he's, uh,
gonna meet us there.
22
00:00:51,650 --> 00:00:53,685
He's getting his mom
into a tub or out of a tub.
23
00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:56,004
I don't know.
I shut down pretty quick.
24
00:00:56,005 --> 00:00:57,372
Thanks for the tickets, Carrie.
25
00:00:57,373 --> 00:00:59,841
Yeah, listen, I'm schmoozing
a very big client tonight,
26
00:00:59,842 --> 00:01:01,943
so if you wanna show
your appreciation,
27
00:01:01,944 --> 00:01:03,845
you keep this one
from embarrassing me.
28
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:05,113
Whoa.
29
00:01:05,114 --> 00:01:07,082
I didn't shave the Mets logo
into my chest hair
30
00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:08,416
just for you to enjoy.
31
00:01:08,417 --> 00:01:09,517
It's for everyone.
32
00:01:09,518 --> 00:01:11,770
All right.
Come on.
33
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,290
Here you go.
34
00:01:49,291 --> 00:01:51,292
One martini,
extra dry.
35
00:01:51,293 --> 00:01:53,011
Thank you, Carrie.
Oh, no problem,
36
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:55,313
and if you're hungry, they have
a great spread over there.
37
00:01:55,314 --> 00:01:57,649
They have, uh, mini-quiche,
stuffed mushrooms,
38
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,051
and if you like living
on the edge, ballpark sushi.
39
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,471
Carrie, I truly like getting
my ass kissed,
40
00:02:03,472 --> 00:02:06,525
but it's a nine-inning game,
so pace yourself.
41
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,259
Yeah.
44
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:13,781
all sucking up aside,
I really admire
45
00:02:13,782 --> 00:02:15,350
what you've done
with your company.
46
00:02:15,351 --> 00:02:17,518
You've built some
of the most beautiful hotels
47
00:02:17,519 --> 00:02:19,621
that I can never afford
to stay in.
48
00:02:20,839 --> 00:02:23,408
Real-estate development is still
a boys' club,
49
00:02:23,409 --> 00:02:25,377
but I'm always looking
for a talented woman
50
00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:27,012
to take under my wing.
51
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,613
Really? That's funny,
52
00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:31,766
because I'm actually
between wings right now.
53
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,436
Oh, excuse me.
Yeah.
54
00:02:34,437 --> 00:02:35,736
Joyce Robbins.
55
00:02:35,737 --> 00:02:37,606
Oh, I-I have to take this.
Okay,
56
00:02:37,607 --> 00:02:39,591
I just want to find my husband.
I want you to meet him.
57
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,493
Where is he?
What?!
58
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:44,629
No, those tenants were supposed
to be out by Monday.
59
00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:45,696
What?!
60
00:02:45,697 --> 00:02:47,432
Oh, you're breaking up.
61
00:02:51,387 --> 00:02:52,988
You put mayo on a hot dog?
62
00:02:52,989 --> 00:02:54,322
That's right, my friend.
63
00:02:54,323 --> 00:02:56,958
And one day,
so will all of America.
64
00:03:03,382 --> 00:03:05,050
Excuse me.
65
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:06,284
Come on, man,
let's move.
66
00:03:06,285 --> 00:03:08,386
Yeah, I can't.
There's a lot of people.
67
00:03:08,387 --> 00:03:11,372
Oh, God. You know what?
This ain't working.
68
00:03:11,373 --> 00:03:14,559
I'm just gonna crouch and eat.
Whoa, whoa. Come on, man.
69
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,461
You're better than this.
70
00:03:16,462 --> 00:03:18,396
Come on.
It's not that far.
71
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:23,151
It's called turning off
the water.
72
00:03:23,152 --> 00:03:24,385
Excuse me.
73
00:03:24,386 --> 00:03:26,287
Read me exactly
what the court order says.
74
00:03:26,288 --> 00:03:27,688
Excuse me,
I just can't, uh...
75
00:03:27,689 --> 00:03:29,274
No, I can't hear you.
76
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,026
What? Wait-
77
00:03:31,027 --> 00:03:32,777
Ugh!
78
00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:34,462
Oh!
79
00:03:34,463 --> 00:03:35,797
Do you see what you did?
80
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,799
I'm very sorry. I just-
I couldn't get by you.
81
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:41,953
Well, a person with manners
would have waited.
82
00:03:41,954 --> 00:03:42,754
That's a good point.
83
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,389
You know
what another good point is?
84
00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:52,446
Oh, where you going?
Where am I going?
85
00:03:52,447 --> 00:03:55,850
I gotta rebuild.
Aw, unbelievable.
86
00:03:55,851 --> 00:03:59,721
Oh, this big oaf got mayonnaise
and relish all over me.
87
00:03:59,722 --> 00:04:03,925
I mean, who puts mayonnaise
on a hot dog?
88
00:04:04,926 --> 00:04:06,126
Oh.
89
00:04:08,364 --> 00:04:11,466
This is an $800
Giuseppe Graziano,
90
00:04:11,467 --> 00:04:13,200
and now it's ruined.
91
00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:15,820
I could just kill
that fat idiot.
92
00:04:15,821 --> 00:04:17,155
Hey,
93
00:04:17,156 --> 00:04:18,773
there's the girl.
94
00:04:18,774 --> 00:04:20,475
Oh. Is this your husband?
95
00:04:20,476 --> 00:04:24,262
Uh... yes! Yes, it is!
Oh.
96
00:04:24,263 --> 00:04:26,297
Hey, honey. Heh.
97
00:04:26,298 --> 00:04:27,766
Work with me, okay?
98
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,601
Um, Doug,
this is Joyce Robbins.
99
00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:32,003
Hello.
100
00:04:32,004 --> 00:04:34,072
Very nice to meet you.
Why don't you get acquainted?
101
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,823
I'm gonna report
that guy to Security.
102
00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:37,976
I'm gonna suggest
they TASER him.
103
00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:39,177
Great.
104
00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:45,066
Is that a Giuseppe Graziano?
105
00:04:48,103 --> 00:04:49,637
Turn it around.
What?
106
00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:51,690
Yeah, that's right.
That was my client!
107
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:52,723
Who?
The woman you got
108
00:04:52,724 --> 00:04:55,160
your disgusting hot dog
all over.
109
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:57,445
How 'bout she got herself
all over my hot dog, huh?
110
00:04:57,446 --> 00:04:59,364
That's right!
I said it!
111
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:01,666
Doug, you are not going
in that box.
112
00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:03,268
So go watch the game
somewhere else.
113
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:04,669
Both of you, out!
114
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:05,703
What did I do?
115
00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:07,705
This happened on your watch.
116
00:05:07,706 --> 00:05:09,073
Now, out!
117
00:05:09,074 --> 00:05:11,626
Damn!
118
00:05:14,130 --> 00:05:16,264
Okay, the roast is
in the oven.
119
00:05:16,265 --> 00:05:18,199
The sangria is chilling.
120
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,367
I just think
it is so cute
121
00:05:19,368 --> 00:05:21,019
you're throwing
this dinner party.
122
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,271
Then why are you trying
to ruin it?!
123
00:05:23,272 --> 00:05:24,973
What? What did I do?
124
00:05:24,974 --> 00:05:27,141
These seating arrangements.
What were you thinking?
125
00:05:27,142 --> 00:05:29,093
What's wrong with them?
Well, for one thing,
126
00:05:29,094 --> 00:05:31,279
you've got Lou Ferrigno
sitting next to his wife.
127
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:34,032
You never sit spouses
next to each other!
128
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:36,701
Well, I told you,
I've never done this before.
129
00:05:36,702 --> 00:05:38,820
That's all right!
Don't cry again.
130
00:05:38,821 --> 00:05:41,705
See, I'll put Mrs. Ferrigno
next to...
131
00:05:41,706 --> 00:05:45,143
Roberto, the bag boy
from Waldbaum's.
132
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:47,678
The sexual tension
will be like rocket fuel
133
00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:50,081
for the party.
134
00:05:50,082 --> 00:05:53,334
I thought that was
what the brownies were for.
135
00:05:53,335 --> 00:05:55,453
Actually, no,
I decided against those.
136
00:05:55,454 --> 00:05:58,957
Ferrigno tends
to get pretty paranoid.
137
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,075
You put a lot of thought
into your dinner parties.
138
00:06:01,076 --> 00:06:04,579
I have to. I'm host.
I'm chef. I'm jester.
139
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:06,815
Everything depends on me.
140
00:06:06,816 --> 00:06:08,816
Well, I'm sure it's gonna
work out just fine.
141
00:06:08,817 --> 00:06:10,134
Oh! I should take
this one away.
142
00:06:10,135 --> 00:06:12,270
Dr. Feldman called
and said he can't make it.
143
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:13,404
What?
144
00:06:13,405 --> 00:06:14,922
He said he wouldn't
feel comfortable
145
00:06:14,923 --> 00:06:18,943
coming to the party,
seeing as how you're suing him.
146
00:06:18,944 --> 00:06:21,279
That's a separate issue.
147
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:22,863
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do?
148
00:06:22,864 --> 00:06:26,133
An odd number of guests
is dinner-party suicide.
149
00:06:26,134 --> 00:06:27,835
Well, don't you know
anyone else?
150
00:06:27,836 --> 00:06:29,504
No. Do you?
151
00:06:29,505 --> 00:06:31,072
Yeah, I-
I know some people.
152
00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:32,841
Then get someone.
153
00:06:32,842 --> 00:06:34,809
Preferably a urologist.
154
00:06:45,087 --> 00:06:46,571
Hey, how 'bout
those two down there?
155
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:47,889
Those look pretty sweet.
156
00:06:47,890 --> 00:06:49,857
Yeah, they are pretty sweet,
but...
157
00:06:49,858 --> 00:06:52,527
I'm not sure we can
get past the bacon.
158
00:06:52,528 --> 00:06:53,711
Just go.
159
00:06:57,516 --> 00:06:59,483
What's up, man?
What's up, baby?
160
00:06:59,484 --> 00:07:01,286
You doing all right?
Ha, ha, ha!
161
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:04,923
Alrighty.
Ah! Good old 11 and 12.
162
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,657
Ah.
Ah, feels good.
163
00:07:06,658 --> 00:07:07,959
Oh, yeah.
164
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:11,862
Hey, uh, I think
you're in our seats.
165
00:07:11,863 --> 00:07:13,164
Huh?
Yeah.
166
00:07:13,165 --> 00:07:15,799
Oh, um... my God.
167
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,302
Is this field box J?
168
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:19,703
Oh, my God.
Is this third base?
169
00:07:19,704 --> 00:07:21,905
I am all turned around.
This is third base.
170
00:07:21,906 --> 00:07:24,058
Ah, man. My bad.
171
00:07:24,059 --> 00:07:25,209
Sorry about that.
172
00:07:25,210 --> 00:07:26,511
It's crazy.
173
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:28,746
I'm losing it!
Losing it! Hey!
174
00:07:28,747 --> 00:07:30,882
Ah. All right. Let's just go
to the upper deck.
175
00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:32,216
Upper deck!? Fine.
176
00:07:32,217 --> 00:07:34,819
Now you're back to owing me
for breaking my power drill.
177
00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:36,287
Come on, man.
178
00:07:36,288 --> 00:07:37,989
We'll find some seats
down here, okay?
179
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:38,990
What were you doing
180
00:07:38,991 --> 00:07:41,459
trying to drill
through concrete anyway?
181
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,695
Okay, I had a power drill
and a few Heinekens.
182
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:45,262
You do the math.
183
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,033
Look, down here.
Come on.
184
00:07:51,236 --> 00:07:53,270
All right.
Okay. Here we go.
185
00:07:55,474 --> 00:07:56,741
Oh, yeah.
186
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:58,409
Oh, these are really sweet.
Yeah.
187
00:07:58,410 --> 00:07:59,443
Whoo!
188
00:07:59,444 --> 00:08:00,945
Hey, hey, Beltran's up.
189
00:08:00,946 --> 00:08:02,964
Hey, come on, Carlos! Hey!
190
00:08:02,965 --> 00:08:04,165
Come on, C-dog!
191
00:08:04,166 --> 00:08:05,900
C- dog, a little big one, baby!
192
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:07,235
Whoo!
Yeah.
193
00:08:17,546 --> 00:08:19,414
Someone's throwing
baby carrots at me.
194
00:08:23,652 --> 00:08:26,671
That's funny,
but we're done now.
195
00:08:33,545 --> 00:08:35,213
Okay, that's it.
Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am!
196
00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:36,280
Hold on a sec.
What is it?
197
00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:37,315
I'll tell you what it is.
198
00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:39,183
Your son is throwing carrots
at me, okay?
199
00:08:39,184 --> 00:08:40,585
Brandon! Enough!
Control him.
200
00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:42,587
Take a time-out
or something.
201
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:44,088
I'm sorry, Tina.
202
00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:46,957
Oh, Brandon is throwing carrots
at some man...
203
00:08:46,958 --> 00:08:49,560
who, by the way,
could stand to eat a few.
204
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:57,568
So last Valentine's Day,
I come home,
205
00:08:57,569 --> 00:09:00,471
Carrie's got the entire place
covered in rose petals.
206
00:09:00,472 --> 00:09:01,572
You remember that?
207
00:09:01,573 --> 00:09:03,474
Ah, I think I would.
208
00:09:03,475 --> 00:09:04,609
I did do it.
209
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,744
Mmm. And you know
what the best part was?
210
00:09:06,745 --> 00:09:08,012
They were silk petals
211
00:09:08,013 --> 00:09:10,365
because she knows
that I'm allergic to pollen.
212
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:11,666
Oh, yeah,
he is.
213
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:13,668
If you can imagine,
that head gets even bigger.
214
00:09:15,170 --> 00:09:16,904
Stop! Ha, ha, ha!
215
00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:21,509
I have to say,
for people married 10 years,
216
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:24,045
you seem like newlyweds.
Oh,
217
00:09:24,046 --> 00:09:25,612
this one keeps
the marriage fresh.
218
00:09:25,613 --> 00:09:28,216
You should see what she does
for my Dark Shadows conventions.
219
00:09:28,217 --> 00:09:31,636
Does this whole
hot-vampire-chick thing
220
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:33,938
with like a sequined
black bustier and...
221
00:09:33,939 --> 00:09:36,524
motorcycle boots...
222
00:09:37,426 --> 00:09:39,293
crimson lipstick.
223
00:09:39,294 --> 00:09:40,395
Whew!
224
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:41,729
Excuse me.
225
00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:43,281
Joyce Robbins.
226
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:46,233
One second.
One second. Heh.
227
00:09:46,234 --> 00:09:48,119
All right. What's with
all this vampire talk?
228
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,038
And why do you have me
in a bustier?
229
00:09:50,039 --> 00:09:52,139
I'm sorry. I went
to a very private place.
230
00:09:52,140 --> 00:09:53,241
Listen,
231
00:09:53,242 --> 00:09:55,426
we only have to get
through one ball game
232
00:09:55,427 --> 00:09:56,777
as husband and wife, okay?
233
00:09:56,778 --> 00:09:58,479
So just stop talking so much,
you freak.
234
00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,497
This-
235
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:01,499
This whole thing is crazy.
236
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,968
Yeah, well, you can blame
your friend Doug for that, okay,
237
00:10:03,969 --> 00:10:06,170
and his disgusting love
of mayonnaise.
238
00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:07,505
She's coming back.
239
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:10,842
Okay. Would you mind
getting me another martini?
240
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:11,992
I did get a limo
for the night,
241
00:10:11,993 --> 00:10:13,828
so I might as well
take advantage of it.
242
00:10:13,829 --> 00:10:14,912
Sure. No problem.
243
00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:17,348
Mmm. And, uh, sugar?
Yeah, hon?
244
00:10:17,349 --> 00:10:20,084
Could you get me
another Sauvignon Blanc,
245
00:10:20,085 --> 00:10:21,903
maybe something
from New Zealand?
246
00:10:21,904 --> 00:10:23,688
Oh, think you should have
another drink?
247
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,907
Oh, it got me
through the first 10 years.
248
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,227
I must say
you're the last person
249
00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:32,697
I would ever have imagined
was a truck driver.
250
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,464
Needless to say,
I get that a lot.
251
00:10:34,465 --> 00:10:36,183
Mmm. I mean,
you know about wine.
252
00:10:36,184 --> 00:10:38,619
You're
a Revolutionary War buff.
253
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:41,772
I've always been drawn
to a man of varied interests.
254
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:53,934
Hey, Car...
Hey, uh, listen, Spence,
255
00:10:53,935 --> 00:10:55,553
I'm sorry
I snapped at you.
256
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,037
I really appreciate
you doing this,
257
00:10:57,038 --> 00:10:58,872
and, uh, I think
she's really liking you.
258
00:10:58,873 --> 00:11:00,224
Yeah,
I think so.
259
00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:03,528
She just invited me down
to her limo to have a drink.
260
00:11:03,529 --> 00:11:05,429
What? She hit on you?
261
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:07,365
What is she doing hitting
on my husband?
262
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:09,016
She said I looked tense
263
00:11:09,017 --> 00:11:12,537
and it seemed like I was trapped
in a loveless marriage.
264
00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:15,289
What!? We're like
freakin' newlyweds!
265
00:11:15,290 --> 00:11:17,090
We're not actually married-
266
00:11:17,091 --> 00:11:19,126
Shut up.
Yes, dear.
267
00:11:19,127 --> 00:11:20,644
Uh, excuse me,
Miss Robbins-
268
00:11:20,645 --> 00:11:23,414
Oh, Carrie, I want to talk
to you about something.
269
00:11:23,415 --> 00:11:24,432
Yeah, I want to talk to you
270
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:27,168
about a little
something-something too.
271
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:28,669
I have a rather big favor
to ask.
272
00:11:28,670 --> 00:11:30,922
It involves sending you
out of town.
273
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:32,506
Oh, you wanna send me
outta town, do ya?
274
00:11:32,507 --> 00:11:33,758
Uh-huh.
275
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:35,176
And it would be right away.
276
00:11:35,177 --> 00:11:37,095
And where do you wanna
send me right away?
277
00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,763
The Bahamas.
278
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:39,564
Really?
279
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,432
Mmm.
280
00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:44,151
Yes. We're opening
a 5-star resort down there,
281
00:11:44,152 --> 00:11:46,220
and I'd love you
to be my eyes and ears,
282
00:11:46,221 --> 00:11:49,107
you know, check out the spa,
the restaurants, the shops.
283
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:51,275
All expenses paid,
of course.
284
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:53,327
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
285
00:11:53,328 --> 00:11:56,096
Oh, Carrie, it- It would
really help me out a lot.
286
00:11:56,097 --> 00:11:58,599
I mean, assuming
your husband could...
287
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,100
spare you.
288
00:12:01,670 --> 00:12:03,504
What husband?
You know what I'm saying?
289
00:12:09,678 --> 00:12:14,515
And that's why the Dutch
both delight and repulse me.
290
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:18,136
May I make a toast
to our host Arthur.
291
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:21,371
Thank you, Louis.
I have a toast of my own.
292
00:12:21,372 --> 00:12:22,606
But I'll save it
293
00:12:22,607 --> 00:12:25,843
for when we gentlemen
have our cigars and brandy
294
00:12:25,844 --> 00:12:27,845
out on the driveway, uh?
295
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:31,665
And, Arthur, I just wanna
thank you for having me
296
00:12:31,666 --> 00:12:33,166
and my Uncle Bernard
here tonight.
297
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:34,334
Ah, yes, Bernard.
298
00:12:34,335 --> 00:12:36,937
Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
299
00:12:36,938 --> 00:12:38,739
Holly tells me you're-?
You're retired?
300
00:12:38,740 --> 00:12:43,911
Yes, yes. I...
I cut hair for 45 years.
301
00:12:43,912 --> 00:12:47,247
Well, we're all going to have
to hear more about that.
302
00:12:50,752 --> 00:12:52,503
When are we gonna eat?
I gotta take my pills.
303
00:12:52,504 --> 00:12:55,256
In good time, George!
304
00:12:55,257 --> 00:12:56,891
Oh, Arthur made
a lovely roast.
305
00:12:56,892 --> 00:12:58,359
And thank you, Roberto,
for giving me
306
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:01,061
the five-fingered discount
on the potatoes.
307
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,615
I never knew
you could cook, Arthur.
308
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:05,933
Oh, yes.
309
00:13:05,934 --> 00:13:07,868
I remember the first thing
I ever made.
310
00:13:07,869 --> 00:13:11,839
It was a fried
bologna sandwich.
311
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,108
That was Elvis' favorite snack.
312
00:13:14,109 --> 00:13:15,409
Ah.
Oh.
313
00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:16,977
I'm not saying he stole
the idea from me,
314
00:13:16,978 --> 00:13:18,279
but, uh, you do the math.
315
00:13:20,616 --> 00:13:22,616
Actually, Elvis' favorite snack
316
00:13:22,617 --> 00:13:25,953
was a fried peanut butter
and banana sandwich.
317
00:13:25,954 --> 00:13:27,788
Oh.
Wow.
318
00:13:27,789 --> 00:13:29,156
I'm sorry,
but how would a barber
319
00:13:29,157 --> 00:13:32,426
know what Elvis'
favorite snack was?
320
00:13:32,427 --> 00:13:34,679
I used to cut his hair.
321
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:35,812
You jiving me?
322
00:13:36,748 --> 00:13:38,382
No- No, no, it's true.
323
00:13:38,383 --> 00:13:40,351
He was the hairdresser
on The Ed Sullivan Show
324
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:41,585
for years.
325
00:13:41,586 --> 00:13:43,354
You mean,
you really knew Elvis?
326
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:44,638
Oh, I knew 'em all.
327
00:13:44,639 --> 00:13:46,390
Kate Smith,
328
00:13:46,391 --> 00:13:47,975
Alan King,
329
00:13:47,976 --> 00:13:49,109
Elizabeth Taylor.
330
00:13:49,110 --> 00:13:52,280
She was even more beautiful
in person.
331
00:13:52,281 --> 00:13:53,847
One time I said to her,
332
00:13:53,848 --> 00:13:57,735
"Liz, if I ever turn straight,
watch out!"
333
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,922
Anyway, that's all
well and good.
334
00:14:01,923 --> 00:14:03,591
Getting back
to the proper way
335
00:14:03,592 --> 00:14:06,494
to make a fried
bologna sandwich-
336
00:14:06,495 --> 00:14:07,795
Did you know
The Beatles too?
337
00:14:07,796 --> 00:14:09,497
Oh, sure.
You knew The Beatles?
338
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:12,099
I- I gotta say
my favorite was Ringo.
339
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,969
He- He was a real sweet-
As a matter of fact,
340
00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:16,920
he gave me this, uh-
This money clip.
341
00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:18,055
Oh, wow.
342
00:14:18,056 --> 00:14:20,558
Ay, que bonito.
343
00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:27,298
Yeah! Ha, ha, ha.
344
00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:30,000
What's the matter?
345
00:14:30,001 --> 00:14:32,035
Now he's making faces
at me.
346
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,022
You keep making faces
like that,
347
00:14:35,023 --> 00:14:36,423
your face is gonna stay
that way.
348
00:14:36,424 --> 00:14:38,442
That's right. Trust me.
Happened to my cousin.
349
00:14:38,443 --> 00:14:40,744
Um, sir, would you please
stop bothering my son?
350
00:14:40,745 --> 00:14:43,447
Uh, he is bothering me.
351
00:14:43,448 --> 00:14:44,999
Are you even supposed
to be sitting there?
352
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,202
I happen to know that those
are Dr. Epstein's seats.
353
00:14:48,203 --> 00:14:50,905
Uh, I think Uncle Eppie is okay
with us sitting here.
354
00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:52,707
Yeah.
355
00:15:07,389 --> 00:15:09,757
It's mine now! Yeah!
356
00:15:09,758 --> 00:15:13,277
What's up? What's the matter,
four-eyes? Yeah!
357
00:15:13,278 --> 00:15:14,979
He took my ball!
358
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:17,347
What is wrong
with you?!
359
00:15:17,348 --> 00:15:19,450
He's just a boy.
360
00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:27,190
Hey, honey,
how's the big game going?
361
00:15:28,259 --> 00:15:29,793
How did it go?
Did you tell her off?
362
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,912
Uh, not exactly.
Um...
363
00:15:31,913 --> 00:15:35,282
here's what we're gonna do,
okay?
364
00:15:35,283 --> 00:15:38,085
You're gonna go
down to her limo with her,
365
00:15:38,086 --> 00:15:39,920
and I'm gonna go
to the Bahamas.
366
00:15:41,322 --> 00:15:42,957
What!?
367
00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:45,859
Yeah. Apparently,
she likes you so much
368
00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:47,761
that she's willing
to give me a free vacation
369
00:15:47,762 --> 00:15:49,347
just to get rid of me!
370
00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:50,213
Wait a minute.
371
00:15:50,214 --> 00:15:51,715
A second ago,
you were so insulted.
372
00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:53,383
Now you're gonna pimp out
your husband
373
00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:54,985
so you can lie
in the sun.
374
00:15:57,138 --> 00:15:59,440
Yeah.
375
00:15:59,441 --> 00:16:02,777
So you really want me to go down
and have sex with her?
376
00:16:02,778 --> 00:16:05,379
I'm not gonna micromanage
what you do down there.
377
00:16:08,233 --> 00:16:10,835
Isn't she a little
too old for me?
378
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,619
She looks 45, tops.
379
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,889
I don't know.
It just doesn't feel right.
380
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:17,457
Let me go about this
a different way.
381
00:16:17,458 --> 00:16:19,543
Who's your favorite character
on Star Trek?
382
00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:22,213
Squire of Gothos.
383
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:25,332
Okay. I was thinking more like
the Captain Kirk guy.
384
00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:26,667
Oh, yeah.
385
00:16:26,668 --> 00:16:29,002
Okay. Now, when he beams
down on a new planet
386
00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:30,871
and he meets
a half-fish green girl,
387
00:16:30,872 --> 00:16:33,139
does he say, "Oh,
this doesn't feel right"?
388
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:35,442
No, he takes her behind a rock
and he does his business.
389
00:16:35,443 --> 00:16:36,710
Am I right?
390
00:16:40,364 --> 00:16:43,033
Technically, that would violate
the Prime Directive-
391
00:16:43,034 --> 00:16:44,801
Spence, please.
392
00:16:44,802 --> 00:16:46,937
All right, all right!
393
00:17:18,636 --> 00:17:21,004
Damn, I got goosebumps.
394
00:17:21,005 --> 00:17:22,690
Where'd you learn
to play like that?
395
00:17:22,691 --> 00:17:24,274
Listen, when you're gay,
396
00:17:24,275 --> 00:17:25,642
you're born knowing
how to play
397
00:17:25,643 --> 00:17:27,344
at least three show tunes.
398
00:17:30,481 --> 00:17:32,533
Come on, everybody.
399
00:17:42,827 --> 00:17:45,228
Arthur,
what a great party.
400
00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:46,563
If I wasn't a gentleman,
401
00:17:46,564 --> 00:17:48,632
I'd punch you square
in the mouth.
402
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:50,017
What? What did I do?
403
00:17:50,018 --> 00:17:50,884
That uncle of yours.
404
00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:52,636
You pawned him off
as some dull barber.
405
00:17:52,637 --> 00:17:55,890
Turns out he's
a fascinating homosexual!
406
00:17:55,891 --> 00:17:57,891
Arthur, everyone is having
a wonderful time.
407
00:17:57,892 --> 00:17:59,393
Yes.
But not because of me.
408
00:17:59,394 --> 00:18:00,961
Does that really matter?
409
00:18:00,962 --> 00:18:04,148
Why do you think I got this
collection of misfits together?
410
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,349
To hear
what they had to say?!
411
00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:08,285
All right,
listen to me, Arthur,
412
00:18:08,286 --> 00:18:10,470
I am not gonna let you
ruin this dinner party.
413
00:18:10,471 --> 00:18:12,739
Someone is playing footsies
with me under the table,
414
00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:14,708
and if that turns out
to be Roberto,
415
00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:17,177
I'd kinda like
to see that through.
416
00:18:17,178 --> 00:18:18,979
So dinner is served!
417
00:18:21,766 --> 00:18:26,169
Yo corté el pelo
de Erik Estrada,
418
00:18:26,170 --> 00:18:31,475
Ricardo Montalban,
Desi Arnaz, senior and junior.
419
00:18:31,476 --> 00:18:35,312
Wow. Este hombre
es fantástico.
420
00:18:35,313 --> 00:18:37,681
I can't believe
you can speak Spanish too.
421
00:18:37,682 --> 00:18:41,018
I once had a lover
who was a Spaniard.
422
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:42,319
Oh.
There you go.
423
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,170
So did I.
424
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:50,861
Oh, you mean,
a Spanish woman.
425
00:18:50,862 --> 00:18:52,262
No.
426
00:18:52,263 --> 00:18:55,199
You think he's the only one
here with a fabulous gay past?
427
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,251
Arthur...
428
00:18:57,252 --> 00:18:59,603
Why, I have had encounters
with thousands of men:
429
00:18:59,604 --> 00:19:03,389
black men, Latin men,
bodybuilders!
430
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:09,780
Now let me tell you a story
about a confused Army recruit,
431
00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:11,982
a bottle of moonshine
432
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:14,985
and a stern
but loving drill sergeant.
433
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:19,190
I was already exhausted
from the obstacle course.
434
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:21,174
Little did I know
there was one more hurdle
435
00:19:21,175 --> 00:19:22,542
I had to clear.
436
00:19:30,852 --> 00:19:32,269
Oh, yeah.
437
00:19:32,270 --> 00:19:35,656
We're gonna be in the skybox.
It's gonna be great!
438
00:19:35,657 --> 00:19:37,724
This sweater
cost me 100 bucks.
439
00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:40,927
Serves you right for trying
to be somebody you're not.
440
00:19:40,928 --> 00:19:44,330
Okay, you know what?
That one had some soda in it!
441
00:19:44,331 --> 00:19:46,066
Just give the kid
the ball back, man!
442
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:49,136
No! All right?
This doesn't bother me.
443
00:19:49,137 --> 00:19:50,904
I'm just enjoying
a little baseball.
444
00:19:50,905 --> 00:19:53,106
Come on, first and third,
let's see a little action!
445
00:19:53,107 --> 00:19:54,808
You're giving
the kid the ball!
446
00:19:54,809 --> 00:19:56,543
Oh, really?
Yeah, really!
447
00:19:56,544 --> 00:19:58,111
And how's
that gonna happen?
448
00:19:58,112 --> 00:19:59,445
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
449
00:20:01,516 --> 00:20:04,084
Yes, hello. I am flying down
to your island next week,
450
00:20:04,085 --> 00:20:07,087
and I was wondering, is it
too early to book a massage?
451
00:20:08,022 --> 00:20:09,656
Who's got strong hands?
452
00:20:13,127 --> 00:20:14,261
I'll call you back.
453
00:20:14,262 --> 00:20:16,280
Hey, I was just on the phone
with the hotel,
454
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:17,665
and I like what I'm hearing!
455
00:20:17,666 --> 00:20:20,000
Oh, actually, about that,
you know, I just realized
456
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:22,136
I'm going to be down there
in a few weeks anyway,
457
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:25,005
so I'll just check things
out myself.
458
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,373
But thanks.
459
00:20:30,528 --> 00:20:32,046
Did you chicken out?
460
00:20:32,047 --> 00:20:33,012
No!
461
00:20:33,013 --> 00:20:34,147
What happened?
462
00:20:34,148 --> 00:20:35,732
You've only been gone
for a minute!
463
00:20:35,733 --> 00:20:37,868
I- I'd never been
in a limo before.
464
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:40,203
It was... very exciting.
465
00:20:40,204 --> 00:20:41,872
And it was more
like two minutes.
466
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:45,525
Exciting, Spence?
She's 100 years old.
467
00:20:45,526 --> 00:20:47,244
You said she looked 45.
468
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,763
Yeah. From space.
469
00:20:49,764 --> 00:20:52,232
I just wanna-
I wanna die.
470
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:54,785
There! There he is!
471
00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:56,553
There's the man
who ruined my suit.
472
00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:04,461
Hey, Car,
isn't that your husband?
473
00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:13,069
I'm just gonna grab
my purse and go.
474
00:21:24,732 --> 00:21:28,168
So, what's the verdict
on that footsie thing?
475
00:21:28,169 --> 00:21:29,803
Yea or nay?
33847