Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,623 --> 00:00:09,991
- all of U.S.
intelligence
2
00:00:09,992 --> 00:00:10,926
in more than 50 years...
3
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:13,295
Do you mind?
I'm trying to read.
4
00:00:13,296 --> 00:00:14,346
That's yesterday's news.
5
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:16,314
I need up-to-the-minute
coverage.
6
00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:19,384
President's says he's happy
to have it, but has not yet...
7
00:00:19,385 --> 00:00:21,686
There you go, all right? There.
8
00:00:21,687 --> 00:00:23,388
I can't hear.
Okay, well, I can't read.
9
00:00:23,389 --> 00:00:24,789
Yea- Here, fine.
You know what?
10
00:00:24,790 --> 00:00:26,657
There. Closed captioning.
11
00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,093
You happy now?
12
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:31,362
Huh, those clever Japanese
have done it again.
13
00:00:31,363 --> 00:00:33,698
"Investigators believe
a faulty hair dryer
14
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:35,200
"was the cause
of the blaze.
15
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,634
"Speaking
of bad-hair days,
16
00:00:36,635 --> 00:00:39,488
here's Curtis
with the weather. Chuckles. "
17
00:00:39,489 --> 00:00:41,056
You-? You're kidding, right?
18
00:00:41,057 --> 00:00:44,342
Sorry, I'm having
trouble following this.
19
00:00:44,343 --> 00:00:45,710
You can help me if you
could read
20
00:00:45,711 --> 00:00:47,662
the part
of Sue Simmons.
21
00:00:47,663 --> 00:00:49,898
Yeah,
it's not gonna happen.
22
00:00:51,784 --> 00:00:53,635
"There is a cold front
rolling in from the north,
23
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:56,037
colliding
with a high-pressure symptom. "
24
00:00:56,038 --> 00:00:57,839
It's "system. "
25
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:58,689
It says "symptom. "
26
00:00:58,690 --> 00:01:00,558
Okay, well, they obviously
made a mistake!
27
00:01:00,559 --> 00:01:02,327
Well, how can I trust
anything they say?!
28
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:03,928
Okay, fine, here you go!
Okay? There!
29
00:01:03,929 --> 00:01:05,330
That loud enough?
30
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,599
"On the lighter
side of the news,
31
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,534
"a cat was rescued
from a well today.
32
00:01:09,535 --> 00:01:10,901
"When asked to comment,
33
00:01:10,902 --> 00:01:15,974
the fire chief said
the mission was purr-fect. "
34
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:57,432
Let's go.
35
00:02:14,450 --> 00:02:16,484
Okay.
36
00:02:28,881 --> 00:02:30,981
Come on.
37
00:02:40,810 --> 00:02:43,011
Nothing fit her, huh?
38
00:02:43,979 --> 00:02:46,097
That is not good.
39
00:02:46,098 --> 00:02:47,298
It gets worse.
40
00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:49,200
Guess what she came
down the stairs wearing.
41
00:02:49,201 --> 00:02:51,753
Sweatpants.
44
00:02:56,075 --> 00:02:57,876
Ooh.
45
00:02:57,877 --> 00:02:59,711
Why don't you tell her
she needs to lose weight?
46
00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:02,214
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
Why don't I just write up a list
47
00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:03,781
of other women I wanna
have sex with?
48
00:03:03,782 --> 00:03:06,384
"Here. Hey, huh? Hey, honey,
you knew some of these.
49
00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:09,387
The- Some are you are friends.
You know 'em all. "
50
00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:10,955
Idiot.
51
00:03:10,956 --> 00:03:12,323
Uh, this is a tough one.
52
00:03:12,324 --> 00:03:14,309
I had the same situation
with Kelly.
53
00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:15,510
But she just lost weight.
54
00:03:15,511 --> 00:03:17,345
Yeah, only 'cause
she got food poisoning.
55
00:03:17,346 --> 00:03:19,113
Hm.
56
00:03:19,114 --> 00:03:21,349
So in order
for your plan to work,
57
00:03:21,350 --> 00:03:23,318
I gotta give Carrie
some undercooked chicken
58
00:03:23,319 --> 00:03:25,019
or something.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
59
00:03:25,020 --> 00:03:26,888
It wasn't a plan
to give her food poisoning.
60
00:03:26,889 --> 00:03:28,056
I just got lucky.
61
00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:31,109
Yeah, and not for nothing,
guy,
62
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,893
but, uh, aren't you
a little out of line,
63
00:03:32,894 --> 00:03:34,929
you know, getting on Carrie
about her weight?
64
00:03:34,930 --> 00:03:38,333
You're not exactly
Mackenzie Phillips.
65
00:03:38,334 --> 00:03:39,701
Really?
I'm not exactly Mac-?
66
00:03:39,702 --> 00:03:41,469
I'm not
Mackenzie Phillips?
67
00:03:42,954 --> 00:03:44,806
Look, she knows
this is what I looked like
68
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:45,940
when I met her, okay?
69
00:03:45,941 --> 00:03:50,812
This was all in the Doug
brochure, as advertised.
70
00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:52,680
I'm just worried
about where she's headed.
71
00:03:52,681 --> 00:03:54,799
I mean, I don't want
her catching me.
72
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,784
Well, why don't you just start
eating a lot more?
73
00:03:56,785 --> 00:03:58,637
You know,
stay one step ahead.
74
00:03:58,638 --> 00:03:59,921
I'm gonna do that anyway,
75
00:03:59,922 --> 00:04:02,474
but, I just- I don't know.
I think maybe if I can-
76
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,158
You know, I'm gonna stop you
right there.
77
00:04:04,159 --> 00:04:06,194
I'm your boy,
and I'm looking out for you.
78
00:04:06,195 --> 00:04:09,230
You're playing with fire.
Just let it go.
79
00:04:09,231 --> 00:04:10,532
I know it's tricky,
but if I could-
80
00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:12,033
Bup-bup-bup-ba!
81
00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:14,235
Let it go.
82
00:04:14,236 --> 00:04:15,436
If there's
a way that I can-
83
00:04:15,437 --> 00:04:17,104
Ah!
84
00:04:19,308 --> 00:04:22,509
Let it go.
85
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:31,268
What are we doing here?
86
00:04:31,269 --> 00:04:32,804
Doug,
they're our neighbors.
87
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,171
We should be supportive
88
00:04:34,172 --> 00:04:36,608
and buy one
of their pieces of crap.
89
00:04:37,843 --> 00:04:39,777
We can throw it out
when we get home.
90
00:04:41,163 --> 00:04:43,314
Why would Lou Ferrigno
need a jar opener?
91
00:04:43,315 --> 00:04:45,816
He's the strongest man
in the world.
92
00:04:46,969 --> 00:04:49,571
That's probably why
he's selling it.
93
00:04:49,572 --> 00:04:50,538
Oh, look,
94
00:04:50,539 --> 00:04:52,840
here's something
we can use.
95
00:04:52,841 --> 00:04:53,908
A deep-fryer?
96
00:04:53,909 --> 00:04:55,943
Yeah, can make
our own french fries,
97
00:04:55,944 --> 00:04:57,645
some fried chicken.
98
00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:04,035
I don't wanna waste our money
on that. I don't know.
99
00:05:04,036 --> 00:05:06,254
It's a dollar.
100
00:05:06,855 --> 00:05:08,506
Still, it's just, uh-
101
00:05:08,507 --> 00:05:10,941
Hey, what about this?
Look at this.
102
00:05:10,942 --> 00:05:13,811
Yeah, we already have
a stationary bike.
103
00:05:13,812 --> 00:05:15,780
Your regular bike.
104
00:05:16,632 --> 00:05:17,798
Hey, guys.
105
00:05:17,799 --> 00:05:18,983
Hey!
Hi.
106
00:05:18,984 --> 00:05:19,867
Hey, Lou.
107
00:05:19,868 --> 00:05:21,803
How are you?
How's the sale going?
108
00:05:21,804 --> 00:05:23,421
Okay, I guess.
Oh, Lou's just cranky
109
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:25,756
because I'm making him sell
all of his video games.
110
00:05:25,757 --> 00:05:28,526
I'm telling you,
the man was addicted.
111
00:05:28,527 --> 00:05:30,912
Hey, better video games
than steroids, huh?
112
00:05:32,148 --> 00:05:35,283
We don't joke
about that, Doug.
113
00:05:35,284 --> 00:05:37,468
Hey, so what's the story
with this bad boy?
114
00:05:37,469 --> 00:05:39,403
Oh, well, if you're
interested in this,
115
00:05:39,404 --> 00:05:41,138
we're selling
our home gym.
116
00:05:41,139 --> 00:05:42,874
I'll even
sweeten the pot.
117
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,258
If you buy it,
118
00:05:44,259 --> 00:05:46,411
I'll train you both
for free.
119
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:51,132
You hear that? He'll-
He'll train us... both.
120
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:52,483
We'll let you two
think about it.
121
00:05:52,484 --> 00:05:54,085
Okay.
Okay?
122
00:05:55,704 --> 00:05:57,455
Both.
123
00:05:57,456 --> 00:05:59,057
That's a pretty
sweet deal, huh?
124
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:01,175
Well, yes, Doug, but you
still belong to three gyms
125
00:06:01,176 --> 00:06:02,410
that you never go to.
126
00:06:02,411 --> 00:06:03,928
Would it really
be fair to them?
127
00:06:03,929 --> 00:06:05,246
See, that's the thing.
128
00:06:05,247 --> 00:06:07,281
If you're training
with me, I'd be inspired.
129
00:06:07,282 --> 00:06:08,349
I'd stick with it.
130
00:06:08,350 --> 00:06:10,251
Okay, you know what?
Let's do it.
131
00:06:10,252 --> 00:06:12,737
I can stand to lose
a couple pounds.
132
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:14,905
This is not about you.
It's about me, but whatever.
133
00:06:14,906 --> 00:06:16,874
I mean, if that happens,
it's great.
134
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,410
This is awesome, huh?
135
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:19,744
God, I can't picture
Lou Ferrigno
136
00:06:19,745 --> 00:06:21,112
playing tennis, huh?
137
00:06:28,754 --> 00:06:31,956
Douglas, look what I came across
on the Game Show Channel.
138
00:06:31,957 --> 00:06:33,491
Glen and I would like
139
00:06:33,492 --> 00:06:35,343
to for Of Mice and Men.
Is that you?
140
00:06:35,344 --> 00:06:37,212
You never told me
you were on a game show.
141
00:06:37,213 --> 00:06:39,063
I've actually told you
several dozen times.
142
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:40,965
Thanks for listening.
143
00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:44,385
Look at you.
144
00:06:44,386 --> 00:06:46,954
You look so young
and sane.
145
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:52,309
Lee Meriwether couldn't keep
her paws off me.
146
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:53,478
Get it?
147
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:54,712
Paws.
148
00:06:54,713 --> 00:06:57,148
She was one of three Catwomen.
149
00:06:58,434 --> 00:07:00,485
So did you win
the 10,000?
150
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,487
Would I be living
in this dump if I did?
151
00:07:03,355 --> 00:07:05,757
Probably, yeah.
152
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,326
Contestants appearing
on The $10,000 Pyramid
153
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:10,662
will receive a year's supply
of Rice-A-Roni,
154
00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,264
the San Francisco treat.
155
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,800
Wait a minute!
156
00:07:15,801 --> 00:07:18,202
I never got any Rice-A-Roni!
157
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,272
Come on, two more.
158
00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:23,541
You said "two more" five ago.
159
00:07:23,542 --> 00:07:25,643
Do it!
God.
160
00:07:25,644 --> 00:07:27,345
All right,
I'm just saying,
161
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,246
you suck at math,
that's all.
162
00:07:29,247 --> 00:07:31,683
There.
Okay? You happy?
163
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,467
Oh, my God, Doug,
that was torture.
164
00:07:33,468 --> 00:07:37,321
First the bike and then three
sets on every station.
165
00:07:37,322 --> 00:07:39,190
Hey, you know,
the first time is never easy.
166
00:07:39,191 --> 00:07:40,592
Like the first time
we had to trim
167
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:42,059
your father's nails, huh?
168
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,747
Now we wait for him
to fall asleep.
169
00:07:45,748 --> 00:07:48,515
It's a lot less kicking.
That's all I'm saying.
170
00:07:50,251 --> 00:07:51,418
Let's get ready
on the bike
171
00:07:51,419 --> 00:07:53,087
and get the blood flowing.
All right.
172
00:07:53,088 --> 00:07:55,322
just don't make me
too skinny there, buddy.
173
00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:00,061
Okay, this is very easy.
174
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,762
I'm just telling you that
right now.
175
00:08:01,763 --> 00:08:03,330
Could do this
all day.
176
00:08:08,837 --> 00:08:09,937
You can stop now.
177
00:08:09,938 --> 00:08:11,205
Thank you.
178
00:08:12,541 --> 00:08:13,775
Carrie
really did this?
179
00:08:13,776 --> 00:08:18,078
Yeah, but she did
the whole 10 minutes.
180
00:08:18,079 --> 00:08:19,781
I'm gonna write
some notes on the chart,
181
00:08:19,782 --> 00:08:21,148
and you give me 20 curls.
182
00:08:21,149 --> 00:08:22,332
Hey, how about I do the notes,
183
00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:24,452
you do the curls, huh?
Ha-ha-ha.
184
00:08:24,453 --> 00:08:27,505
Now 30, funny man.
185
00:08:29,458 --> 00:08:30,524
Come on,
all the way up.
186
00:08:30,525 --> 00:08:31,525
All right.
187
00:08:31,526 --> 00:08:34,128
Count them off.
All right.
188
00:08:34,129 --> 00:08:36,697
One.
Oh, wow, a Game Boy?
189
00:08:36,698 --> 00:08:38,165
Yeah.
Carla made me sell mine.
190
00:08:38,166 --> 00:08:39,733
Two.
You mind if I, uh...?
191
00:08:39,734 --> 00:08:42,803
Three. No, go ahead.
192
00:08:42,804 --> 00:08:45,639
Four.
193
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,375
Five.
194
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:52,747
Seventeen.
195
00:08:56,935 --> 00:08:58,903
...four, 25!
196
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:05,143
Ah, 30!
197
00:09:19,841 --> 00:09:22,042
Okay, that was great,
Lou.
198
00:09:22,043 --> 00:09:23,110
I'll see you
Wednesday.
199
00:09:24,580 --> 00:09:26,947
I hope he burns
in hell.
200
00:09:28,883 --> 00:09:30,017
You ready to hit it,
Doug?
201
00:09:30,018 --> 00:09:31,285
Absolutely.
202
00:09:31,286 --> 00:09:33,221
Uh, first, I just wanna
save a game
203
00:09:33,222 --> 00:09:34,622
I was playing before.
204
00:09:36,157 --> 00:09:37,692
You have PlayStation?
205
00:09:37,693 --> 00:09:40,094
No, I have PlayStation 2.
206
00:09:41,663 --> 00:09:43,964
There.
Okay, I'm a lump of clay, Lou.
207
00:09:43,965 --> 00:09:46,033
Sculpt me.
208
00:09:46,034 --> 00:09:47,652
Is that "The Getaway"?
209
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:48,902
Yes, it is.
210
00:09:48,903 --> 00:09:51,456
Anyway, what do you say
we hit it? Come on.
211
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:54,759
"The Getaway"
was my favorite game.
212
00:09:56,628 --> 00:09:58,128
Hey, you know,
here's a crazy idea.
213
00:09:58,129 --> 00:10:00,364
Uh, why don't you, uh,
you know, play a game
214
00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:02,166
while I do my warm-ups?
215
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:04,285
Oh, I don't know.
Carla would kill me.
216
00:10:04,786 --> 00:10:07,638
I don't see Carla here.
217
00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:09,907
What I do see
is a state-of-the-art video game
218
00:10:09,908 --> 00:10:12,609
hooked up
to a big-screen TV.
219
00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:14,611
Mm, no, I can't.
220
00:10:14,612 --> 00:10:16,013
I'm a trainer.
I have to do my job.
221
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:17,848
Okay, here's the thing, Lou.
222
00:10:19,184 --> 00:10:21,786
You really wanna play
that video game,
223
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,656
and I really don't
wanna get into shape.
224
00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:27,025
I'm with you so far.
All right.
225
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,943
So I was thinking,
instead of letting our wives
226
00:10:28,944 --> 00:10:30,110
decide what we should do,
227
00:10:30,111 --> 00:10:31,946
maybe we should use
my workout time
228
00:10:31,947 --> 00:10:35,082
to do what we wanna do, hm?
229
00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:37,318
It'll be our little secret.
230
00:11:44,118 --> 00:11:45,202
Hey, Dad.
231
00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:46,354
Ah, darling,
232
00:11:46,355 --> 00:11:48,740
could you, uh,
do me a small favor?
233
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:49,673
What?
234
00:11:49,674 --> 00:11:51,275
I need you to help me
get a lawyer,
235
00:11:51,276 --> 00:11:55,128
so I can sue the boyish grin
off Dick Clark's face.
236
00:11:57,232 --> 00:12:00,484
Okay, once again,
he did not steal the idea
237
00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:03,171
for New Year's Rockin' Eve
from you.
238
00:12:03,172 --> 00:12:05,105
I never claimed he stole
the "Rockin'" part.
239
00:12:05,106 --> 00:12:07,407
All right,
what's the problem?
240
00:12:07,408 --> 00:12:08,709
When I was on Pyramid,
241
00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:10,711
I was promised a year's supply
of Rice-A-Roni,
242
00:12:10,712 --> 00:12:12,130
and I never got it.
243
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,881
Did you get that
in writing?
244
00:12:13,882 --> 00:12:15,382
They announced it
on the show.
245
00:12:15,383 --> 00:12:16,650
It's an oral agreement.
246
00:12:16,651 --> 00:12:17,918
Oral.
247
00:12:17,919 --> 00:12:21,189
Okay, stop using that word.
248
00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:23,790
So can you help me?
No, I'm sorry.
249
00:12:23,791 --> 00:12:27,094
Why do you always
take Dick Clark's side?
250
00:12:28,863 --> 00:12:32,567
Hey.
251
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:33,668
How was your workout?
252
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,436
Oh, just brutal,
as usual.
253
00:12:35,437 --> 00:12:37,071
I'll tell you,
that Lou comes off
254
00:12:37,072 --> 00:12:38,205
like a gentle giant
in public,
255
00:12:38,206 --> 00:12:39,206
but come workout time,
256
00:12:39,207 --> 00:12:42,243
he's one scary bastard.
257
00:12:42,244 --> 00:12:43,411
I know. I know.
He's a tough one.
258
00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:45,212
But you know what?
You gotta stick with it.
259
00:12:45,213 --> 00:12:46,613
I mean, look at me.
260
00:12:46,614 --> 00:12:48,916
I haven't fit in this suit
in months. I lot 6 pounds.
261
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:50,234
I don't care about numbers.
262
00:12:50,235 --> 00:12:52,086
I'm just happy
that you're healthier.
263
00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:54,187
You getting results too?
Are you kidding me?
264
00:12:54,188 --> 00:12:56,224
Look at that.
Feel this. Feel it.
265
00:12:56,225 --> 00:12:58,859
Huh? Huh? Huh?
266
00:12:59,377 --> 00:13:01,095
Yes. Yes, honey.
267
00:13:01,096 --> 00:13:03,197
You're really- You're-
You're getting there.
268
00:13:03,198 --> 00:13:05,065
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
269
00:13:05,066 --> 00:13:06,684
Thank you
for noticing.
270
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,652
All right.
271
00:13:15,009 --> 00:13:17,344
Hey, why don't you get Lou
the "Spider-Man 2" game?
272
00:13:17,345 --> 00:13:19,046
Yeah, I'm gonna get
the Incredible Hulk
273
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:20,314
a Spider-Man game.
274
00:13:20,315 --> 00:13:22,083
Who raised you?
275
00:13:23,085 --> 00:13:24,085
Hey, Deac,
276
00:13:24,086 --> 00:13:25,086
you have "ATV 3," right?
277
00:13:25,087 --> 00:13:26,337
How is it?
278
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,872
Instead of going
through this trouble,
279
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:30,091
why don't you actually
let Lou train you?
280
00:13:30,092 --> 00:13:32,209
Maybe that way, you won't
get winded throwing darts.
281
00:13:32,944 --> 00:13:34,262
What is your problem?
282
00:13:34,263 --> 00:13:35,930
I just think this is wrong.
283
00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:37,498
I'm only cheating myself.
284
00:13:37,499 --> 00:13:38,466
And Carrie.
285
00:13:38,467 --> 00:13:40,066
And Carrie, right.
And Lou.
286
00:13:40,067 --> 00:13:42,068
Got him hooked
on video games again.
287
00:13:42,069 --> 00:13:43,270
Right,
me, Carrie, and Lou.
288
00:13:43,271 --> 00:13:44,722
Just cheating
the three of us.
289
00:13:44,723 --> 00:13:45,772
So you came up
with a way
290
00:13:45,773 --> 00:13:47,674
to get her to lose weight
without knowing it.
291
00:13:47,675 --> 00:13:49,443
I just can't believe you.
292
00:13:49,444 --> 00:13:51,478
Oh, my God,
you're jealous.
293
00:13:51,479 --> 00:13:52,579
That's what it is.
294
00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:53,931
You're damn right
I'm jealous.
295
00:13:53,932 --> 00:13:56,033
I- I mean, you found a way
to beat the system, man.
296
00:13:56,034 --> 00:13:57,334
Oh, I not only
beat the system,
297
00:13:57,335 --> 00:13:58,535
it was first-round KO.
298
00:14:01,206 --> 00:14:02,706
And I'm just getting
started.
299
00:14:02,707 --> 00:14:03,807
What do you mean?
300
00:14:03,808 --> 00:14:05,892
Well, you know that now
I can control Carrie
301
00:14:05,893 --> 00:14:07,795
through Lou, right?
Right.
302
00:14:07,796 --> 00:14:09,497
If she can lose 6 pounds
at the current pace,
303
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:11,549
imagine I have Lou
kick it up a notch.
304
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:12,800
You're
making a mistake.
305
00:14:12,801 --> 00:14:13,768
I'm not
making a mistake,
306
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:15,503
and I'm gonna change
other things.
307
00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:16,487
Look, do you know
308
00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:18,155
how to cut things off when-?
309
00:14:18,156 --> 00:14:20,257
Let it go.
310
00:14:27,015 --> 00:14:29,383
Hey.
Hey.
311
00:14:29,384 --> 00:14:31,485
What's that?
It's my dinner.
312
00:14:31,486 --> 00:14:34,121
All of a sudden,
Lou's got me on a liquid diet.
313
00:14:34,122 --> 00:14:35,689
Really?
314
00:14:35,690 --> 00:14:38,192
Yes, and he doubled
my time on the bike,
315
00:14:38,193 --> 00:14:39,527
he increased my weights,
316
00:14:39,528 --> 00:14:42,613
and then he said get
some blond highlights.
317
00:14:49,037 --> 00:14:50,971
That's weird,
but I would just do it.
318
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:56,160
Oh, dear God.
I can't do this.
319
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:57,929
What?
I can't do this. Doug, I am-
320
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,730
I am achy,
I'm tired all the time,
321
00:14:59,731 --> 00:15:01,098
and now I'm drinking
this crap?
322
00:15:01,099 --> 00:15:02,350
I think I'm gonna quit.
323
00:15:02,351 --> 00:15:03,867
Y- y-you can't quit.
You can't quit.
324
00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:05,536
I- I mean, I-
It's not fair to me.
325
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:06,721
You- You can't.
326
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:08,606
Doug, you can still
keep working out.
327
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:09,690
Not- Not without you.
328
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,792
I mean, the- The whole drive
behind this thing
329
00:15:11,793 --> 00:15:13,460
is that we're doing it
together for me.
330
00:15:13,461 --> 00:15:16,030
That's- It really is. You're
the wind beneath my wings.
331
00:15:16,031 --> 00:15:18,482
Without wind,
wings are useless.
332
00:15:18,483 --> 00:15:19,800
I'm pretty sure
wings still work
333
00:15:19,801 --> 00:15:21,402
even though
there's no wind.
334
00:15:21,403 --> 00:15:24,338
Okay, an Oscar-winning song
is wrong. All right.
335
00:15:24,339 --> 00:15:26,624
Come on, Carrie.
Okay, honey, fine,
336
00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:28,408
I will keep going
for you.
337
00:15:28,409 --> 00:15:29,676
Thank you. For me.
338
00:15:29,677 --> 00:15:31,678
There you go. Gosh.
339
00:15:31,679 --> 00:15:33,547
You wanna talk
about brutal,
340
00:15:33,548 --> 00:15:34,932
Lou's got me
on light beer.
341
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:42,590
It's hard going down,
I tell you.
342
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:48,845
What do you want?
343
00:15:48,846 --> 00:15:51,515
Uh, sorry to interrupt
your exercise session,
344
00:15:51,516 --> 00:15:54,151
but Lou has some
important documents for me
345
00:15:54,152 --> 00:15:56,420
vis-à-vis
Rice-A-Roni-gate.
346
00:15:56,421 --> 00:15:58,021
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
347
00:15:59,441 --> 00:16:00,708
Lou you have anything
for Arthur?
348
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:01,975
In my bag.
349
00:16:03,761 --> 00:16:05,246
Say, uh, what's going on
in here?
350
00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:06,280
What do you mean?
351
00:16:06,281 --> 00:16:07,248
He's training me.
352
00:16:07,249 --> 00:16:08,398
You're playing solitaire,
353
00:16:08,399 --> 00:16:10,183
and he's playing some
television game.
354
00:16:10,184 --> 00:16:11,335
What gives, eh?
355
00:16:11,336 --> 00:16:13,254
You ask too many
questions, old man.
356
00:16:13,255 --> 00:16:15,539
Too many
or not enough?
357
00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:16,606
Too many.
358
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:28,135
Now, uh, Mr. Spooner,
my assistant tells me
359
00:16:28,136 --> 00:16:30,938
this is an urgent matter
for Mr. Clark.
360
00:16:30,939 --> 00:16:33,557
Yes, if you recall,
I was a contestant
361
00:16:33,558 --> 00:16:37,144
on The $10,000 Pyramid
in 1976.
362
00:16:37,145 --> 00:16:38,813
Actually, I don't.
Why not?
363
00:16:38,814 --> 00:16:40,981
I was
in the 3rd grade.
364
00:16:40,982 --> 00:16:42,700
Anyway, I never got
my Rice-A-Roni.
365
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,385
Again, the show's
been off the air for years.
366
00:16:45,386 --> 00:16:47,872
Uh, I'm not sure they even
still make Rice-A-Roni.
367
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:48,856
Oh, they make it,
all right,
368
00:16:48,857 --> 00:16:52,126
in a variety
of mouth-watering flavors.
369
00:16:52,127 --> 00:16:56,530
Okay, well, uh,
instead of Rice-A-Roni,
370
00:16:56,531 --> 00:16:59,333
how about I, uh, give you...
371
00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:03,003
this book?
I don't wanna read!
372
00:17:03,004 --> 00:17:04,422
I wanna eat!
373
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:07,608
But, sir-
I want my year's supply
374
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,643
of Rice-A-Roni,
plus all the extra Rice-A-Roni
375
00:17:09,644 --> 00:17:14,432
I would have accrued in interest
over the past three decades!
376
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:17,651
Yeah, uh...
377
00:17:17,652 --> 00:17:18,719
no?
378
00:17:21,756 --> 00:17:23,156
Didn't wanna use this,
379
00:17:23,157 --> 00:17:24,958
but you forced my hand.
380
00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:27,995
Wait a minute.
381
00:17:29,748 --> 00:17:31,582
Hello?
382
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:34,568
Darling, Lou has an envelope
for me out in the garage.
383
00:17:34,569 --> 00:17:35,870
So?
384
00:17:35,871 --> 00:17:37,638
I need you to fax me the photo
of Dick Clark
385
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:39,874
locked in a muddy embrace
with Fannie Flag.
386
00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:41,709
It's from The Battle
of the Network Stars.
387
00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:42,843
Dad- No, I can't.
388
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,344
I'm about to get
in the shower here.
389
00:17:44,345 --> 00:17:46,297
I need it!
Hold on!
390
00:18:08,152 --> 00:18:10,704
What the hell
is going on here?
391
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:11,705
We're training.
392
00:18:11,706 --> 00:18:13,624
You were fast asleep.
393
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:15,910
I was resting
between sets.
394
00:18:15,911 --> 00:18:18,579
And you, how can you
let this happen?
395
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:21,165
I'm weak.
But please don't tell my wife.
396
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,017
Just get outta here.
397
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:25,836
Could I at least save
my game to the memory card?
398
00:18:25,837 --> 00:18:29,056
So weak.
399
00:18:29,057 --> 00:18:32,176
So this has been going on
400
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,427
during your training sessions.
401
00:18:33,428 --> 00:18:36,764
Lou plays video games
while you sleep and eat.
402
00:18:36,765 --> 00:18:37,882
And read.
403
00:18:38,633 --> 00:18:39,850
And all that crap
404
00:18:39,851 --> 00:18:41,818
about me being "the wind
beneath your wings. "
405
00:18:41,819 --> 00:18:43,687
Did you even work out
at all?
406
00:18:45,006 --> 00:18:47,358
Define "at all. "
407
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:48,609
Doug, if you didn't
wanna work out,
408
00:18:48,610 --> 00:18:50,577
why didn't you just
let me quit when I wanted to
409
00:18:50,578 --> 00:18:51,645
and end the whole thing?
410
00:18:51,646 --> 00:18:53,046
Because
I wanted to help you.
411
00:18:53,047 --> 00:18:55,465
You said you could stand to lose
like 10 or 15 pounds.
412
00:18:55,466 --> 00:18:56,833
I- I just-
413
00:18:59,354 --> 00:19:04,124
I said I could stand
to lose a couple of pounds.
414
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:05,275
Hm?
Yeah.
415
00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:07,777
I said a couple of pounds.
416
00:19:07,778 --> 00:19:10,548
You just said 10 or 15.
417
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:11,948
A couple,
that's a figure of speech,
418
00:19:11,949 --> 00:19:13,650
like when I say I'm
going to White Castle
419
00:19:13,651 --> 00:19:15,419
and getting a couple
of burgers.
420
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:18,756
Everyone knows
it's 10, 15.
421
00:19:19,257 --> 00:19:20,840
Oh, I see.
422
00:19:20,841 --> 00:19:23,377
So you kept up
this whole charade
423
00:19:23,378 --> 00:19:25,679
because you wanted me
to lose weight?
424
00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:28,214
Define "charade. "
425
00:19:28,215 --> 00:19:30,517
Okay, so you think I'm fat now?
No!
426
00:19:30,518 --> 00:19:32,969
Yeah- No, obviously you do.
I mean, just admit it.
427
00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:35,038
Be a man and just say it.
428
00:19:36,491 --> 00:19:37,491
This is a trap.
429
00:19:37,492 --> 00:19:40,828
No, it is not a trap.
430
00:19:40,829 --> 00:19:43,780
It feels like a trap
because...
431
00:19:43,781 --> 00:19:45,148
I have the same
bad feeling I did
432
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:48,985
when you made me agree you have
a slight, slight mustache.
433
00:19:50,104 --> 00:19:52,238
Doug, this is not a trap.
434
00:19:52,239 --> 00:19:54,307
I just wanna know
my husband's honest feelings.
435
00:19:54,308 --> 00:19:55,776
That's all.
436
00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:59,396
Okay, I guess...
437
00:19:59,397 --> 00:20:01,732
it wouldn't hurt you
if you lost a few pounds.
438
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:02,849
Ow!
439
00:20:02,850 --> 00:20:04,551
Look, why is it okay
that you can get on me
440
00:20:04,552 --> 00:20:05,719
about my weight
every day,
441
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:06,920
but I can't say
a thing to you
442
00:20:06,921 --> 00:20:08,439
if you need
to drop a few?
443
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,408
Because that's
just the way it is.
444
00:20:11,409 --> 00:20:13,993
Carrie, look, all right-
Look, come here.
445
00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:15,829
I got carried away,
all right?
446
00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:18,097
I swear to you, I don't even
care what size you are.
447
00:20:18,098 --> 00:20:19,833
I love you
no matter what.
448
00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:20,867
Thank you.
449
00:20:20,868 --> 00:20:22,502
I appreciate that, Doug.
450
00:20:22,503 --> 00:20:26,173
However, I still think you need
to lose more than 30 pounds.
451
00:20:26,174 --> 00:20:27,424
What?!
Yeah, that's right.
452
00:20:27,425 --> 00:20:28,942
More than 30-?
That's right.
453
00:20:28,943 --> 00:20:30,210
You heard me, okay?
454
00:20:30,211 --> 00:20:31,445
And this is how
we're gonna do it.
455
00:20:31,446 --> 00:20:32,612
I'm gonna keep
working out
456
00:20:32,613 --> 00:20:35,249
only to be supportive
of you,
457
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:37,151
because I don't need
to lose weight.
458
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:38,452
Isn't that right, Doug?
459
00:20:42,173 --> 00:20:43,891
I'm supposed
to say yes here, right?
460
00:20:43,892 --> 00:20:47,477
I don't know.
You can say whatever you want.
461
00:20:48,145 --> 00:20:49,313
I wanna say yes.
462
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:50,530
Yes, that would be correct.
463
00:20:50,531 --> 00:20:52,365
Yeah. So you know
what we're gonna do?
464
00:20:52,366 --> 00:20:53,934
We're gonna clean out
the cupboards
465
00:20:53,935 --> 00:20:54,935
of all the junk food,
466
00:20:54,936 --> 00:20:56,302
starting
with the Ring Dings-
467
00:20:56,303 --> 00:20:59,689
Yeah, about the Ring Dings,
um...
468
00:20:59,690 --> 00:21:03,226
You ate them during
your "workouts"?
469
00:21:04,445 --> 00:21:05,579
I wanna say yes.
470
00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:07,298
Ugh.
471
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,192
Good. Now, let's go
hit the weights.
472
00:21:27,736 --> 00:21:30,037
Hey, kids, so,
what do you feel like tonight?
473
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:33,090
Original or Cajun-chicken
flavor?
32932
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