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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Edward.
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Edward.
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Edward, you've been in there forever.
4
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I want my robe!
5
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Or at least the gummy
bears in the pocket?
6
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Edward. Come on, come on.
7
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You always say that.
8
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Ah! Forget it, I'll grab my sweater.
9
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Whoa, that was fast.
10
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Thank you.
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00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:47,756
Hmm.
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You should really watch
your sugar intake.
13
00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:52,750
It's addictive as cocaine.
14
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Some studies say ten times as much.
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- Oh, come on. Seriously?
- Yep.
16
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It stimulates the nucleus
accumbens in the brain.
17
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No, this cashew chicken was
supposed to be my breakfast.
18
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I question your definition
of breakfast, then.
19
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I question why you
would eat my leftovers
20
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and just leave three cashews at
the bottom with a dirty fork.
21
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Firstly, I would never do
something that unhygienic.
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- Mm.
- And secondly, I have a major problem
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with the cashew industry's
farming policies,
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so I would never take cashews
so lightly as to discard them.
25
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Well, someone took my cashews
lightly, and it wasn't me.
26
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Did your secret lover eat my food?
27
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No, we don't have time to eat,
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- if you catch my drift.
- Eww.
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- Maybe you ate it.
- Me?
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You know, sleep eating is more
common than you would think,
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and you are susceptible to it.
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Do you remember the time you woke up
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and you had knitted part of a scarf?
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I do.
35
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I don't even know how to knit.
36
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But you do know how to eat.
37
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Oh, God.
38
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
39
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It's upsetting, and it's misleading.
40
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Come on. Are you guys looking
at my Tinder profile again?
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No, no, no, no, no.
Lexi's dad has instituted
42
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a new "if it bleeds, it leads" policy
43
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to try to get more
eyeballs on the paper.
44
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Tina has been tasked with
making our headlines "spicier."
45
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Hey, Tina, tell them
what you titled my piece
46
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about the panda being born at the zoo.
47
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"Eight-year-old gives birth in public."
48
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Oh, God, I gotta go talk to her
49
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before she turns my Easter edition
into a zombie apocalypse.
50
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- Mnh.
- Tina!
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Let's see if you can spice up
your next obituary assignment.
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- Uh-huh?
- Andrew Michaels,
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an accountant who died
after falling down the stairs
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- in his home.
- Oh.
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Yeah, not even Tina could
make that turd sing.
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Oh.
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- Hurtful.
- Mm.
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You know, I wasn't merely an accountant.
59
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I was an IRS special agent.
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Yeah, that doesn't bleed or lead.
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It was more exciting than you'd think.
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I had a gun and everything.
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I never used it, but, yeah, I had it.
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- Mm.
- I carried a badge...
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Never showed it,
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- but I carried it.
- Oh, so you're like 007.
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Oh.
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Just, like, without the cars
or the gadgets or the skill
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or the muscles or the women. Yeah.
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Hey, just because I did my work
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from behind my desk as an agent
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didn't make my job any less harrowing.
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In point of fact,
my death was no accident...
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I was murdered.
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What?!
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... are you doing at work today?
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I thought you were sick. We sent soup.
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You should go check.
It's probably at the front door.
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What do you mean, murdered?
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I didn't fall down my stairs.
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I was pushed.
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I caught a glimpse of a
shadowy figure above me
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on the landing as I fell,
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and then everything went black.
85
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- Then I was talking to you.
- Ooh.
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- Hi.
- Hi.
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Who would want to kill you?
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I don't know. You know,
I received a lot of threats.
89
00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,933
Yeah. Turns out people
don't like being audited.
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00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:46,150
- Mm.
- Someone once told me
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to shove my ass up my own ass.
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- How would that even work?
- Oh, don't overthink it.
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Oh, now I'm stuck on it.
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I just can't even picture it,
so I'm lucky.
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You know what? My editor is
obsessed with splashy headlines.
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If you're right, this could
land me the front page.
97
00:03:59,180 --> 00:04:01,110
Well, that's kind of
a self-centered take
98
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on my potentially violent death,
99
00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:05,190
but whatever gets the job done.
100
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,880
- ♪ Girls night tonight ♪
- Oh!
101
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♪ I don't have the kids, and
I'm really gonna miss them ♪
102
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♪ Also gonna drank ♪
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Oh, yeah. I can't go
to girls night tonight.
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♪ Those are not the words to the song ♪
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Sam, my latest obit subject
might have been murdered.
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And the more I investigate it,
the more I think it's true.
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You are not gonna miss
girls night for some murder.
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Murder, you say?
109
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Yeah, Nell thinks that her obituary
subject may have been killed.
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Oh! I love true crime.
Tell me everything.
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Oh, it's just a thought, you know?
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Probably not gonna do anything about it.
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- No big deal, right? Bleh.
- Nell, here's the police report
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- you needed ASAP...
- Oh. Mnh.
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... for your big deal investigation.
116
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Oh, thank you.
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There's pictures of the
accident scene in there,
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and ever since I became a dad,
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I cannot handle anything scary.
120
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I know what will toughen you up. Phone.
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Dennis, I am assigning you to
listen to a true crime podcast,
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in part to try and cure you
123
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of this sudden, strange
aversion to violence,
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and in part because I am dying
125
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to have someone to discuss it with.
126
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- Ah.
- Welcome to "Death
127
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,725
at the Dairy Farm"...
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... a grisly tale of blood and milk.
129
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- It's "udderly" terrifying.
- Uh, Lexi, I'm gonna just take
130
00:05:13,970 --> 00:05:15,360
that police report and skedaddle.
131
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Nell, I am officially
joining your investigation.
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- What?
- Yeah,
133
00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:20,111
it seems like you could
really use my help.
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00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,980
You do remember I'm an actual
investigative journalist?
135
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Well, I've listened to over 4,000 hours
136
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of true crime podcasts,
which are very educational.
137
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Well, I went to journalism school.
138
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Education is very educational.
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00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,470
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
140
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:33,879
So, I think we're all losing sight
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of what's really important
here, which is...
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- ♪ Girls night ♪
- Girls night?
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A night of girls solving
a murder? I'm in.
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No, like, less ski masks,
more face masks.
145
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Uh, you know, on second
thought, he probably just fell.
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Bummer we're not gonna be able to use
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00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:48,250
your murder-solving podcast skills.
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- Fair enough.
- Thanks.
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What is that?
150
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You're too hard a worker to
give up that easily on a case.
151
00:06:00,230 --> 00:06:04,020
You have your leads, but you keep
your cards close to your vest.
152
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,850
What is going on with
the lighting in here?
153
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:08,840
You're too impulsive
for careful planning,
154
00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:11,060
so you jot down your notes
on whatever you can find...
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00:06:11,110 --> 00:06:14,530
an old receipt, parking
ticket, gum wrapper.
156
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:18,070
And judging by your...
irregular silhouette,
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you're stuffing that information
in your pockets.
158
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Oh, hey!
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Found it... on the back
of a CVS receipt.
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"Andrew may have had IBS." Interesting.
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00:06:26,490 --> 00:06:29,080
"Follow up on threatening
work emails." Good idea.
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- "Google red flaky rash I have."
- Oh.
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00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,630
Oh, Nell.
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"Meet Andrew's neighbor
at 7:00 at Cricket's
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to see what he saw."
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- Perfect.
- Mm.
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- Solid work, Nell. I will see you there.
- Okay.
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00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:44,090
I don't care if you don't like her.
169
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She's got Rizzoli's grit and
Isles's face. We need her.
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00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,689
Thanks for coming to meet us, Paul.
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00:06:54,690 --> 00:06:58,530
Yeah, well, I-I'm not sure
how much I can help contribute
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to Andrew's obituary.
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Um, he was always walking around
174
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in thick socks with sandals?
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You try living with dry skin.
My feet are like hooves.
176
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,262
That's okay, we're just getting
some background information.
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00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,391
Do you remember anything from
the night that Andrew died?
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00:07:12,392 --> 00:07:13,880
Lexi, I got this.
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00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,728
Do you remember anything from
the night that Andrew died?
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00:07:16,729 --> 00:07:18,460
I don't know. I-I didn't see anything.
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Nell, when you called,
you mentioned there was gonna be
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free wine and cheese.
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Paul, now you're speaking my language.
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Cheese and wine...
let's get this party started.
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00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,991
- Okay.
- What?!
186
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,860
- How well did you know Andrew?
- Intimately?
187
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,480
It's a question people ask.
188
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:38,680
Andrew was kind of a pain in the ass.
189
00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:40,209
No one in the neighborhood
really liked him.
190
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,980
No one in the neighborhood really
liked the sailboat in your driveway
191
00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:44,950
you've been "working
on" for seven years.
192
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,120
He was the self-appointed HOA...
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00:07:48,170 --> 00:07:49,750
even had a stupid blog about it.
194
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,050
My blog was the place to go
for appropriate fence heights
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00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:55,250
and holiday decoration limitations.
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00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:59,300
He was up my butt about this
really cute Dachshund mailbox
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I installed that apparently
wasn't up to postal code.
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00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,350
He's angry because I audited him.
199
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,970
You audited him?
200
00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:09,730
Uh, so he audited you.
201
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:10,940
How did you know about that?
202
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,699
I'm the one asking the
questions here, Paul.
203
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,360
Well, i-i-is any of this
important to the obituary?
204
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,810
- Yes, it is.
- Yes, it is.
205
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,280
Oh, my God. Is Paul a suspect?!
206
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,370
Oh, Nell, good cop/bad cop him.
207
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:30,250
So, Paul, you and Mr. Michaels had
a long-standing beef between you.
208
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,790
It wasn't exactly a beef.
209
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,800
"Wasn't exactly a beef."
210
00:08:33,820 --> 00:08:35,949
Yeah, it was probably just
like a misunderstanding, right?
211
00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:37,400
Just got a little angry.
212
00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:39,040
Well, I-I wouldn't say I was angry.
213
00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:40,050
Scoff!
214
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,470
Not angry when your neighbor audits you?
215
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,398
I tell you what... if it were
me, I'd want revenge.
216
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,750
Well, I didn't. I-I just wanted
my s-standard deductions.
217
00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:49,390
Tell it to your boat.
218
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,080
You look a little flushed, Paul.
Could I get you some water?
219
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:54,860
Or are you flushed because
you're hiding the truth?
220
00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:57,270
- I-I don't know.
- This is it! He's gonna break.
221
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,520
I have a flatbread.
222
00:08:58,550 --> 00:09:00,530
- Ooh, yes! That's me.
- Oh!
223
00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:02,450
Oh, I'm so hungry. Yum, yum, yum.
224
00:09:03,780 --> 00:09:06,990
What? I'm supposed to stay
hungry this entire interrogation?
225
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,120
Interrogation?!
226
00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:11,460
I-I thought this was supposed to
be a casual chat with light bites.
227
00:09:12,170 --> 00:09:14,259
I don't know what you people
are up to, but I'm going home,
228
00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:16,660
calling my lawyer, and I'm gonna
make myself a sandwich.
229
00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:18,500
I'm really hungry.
I thought I was gonna eat.
230
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:19,730
- Sam!
- What?!
231
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:21,290
- We had him on the ropes.
- Yes.
232
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:24,000
You scared him away before
we could drop the hammer.
233
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:25,480
You know what we need to do?
234
00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:26,660
Let the police handle this
235
00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:27,779
- while we stay at home...
- Stake out!
236
00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:28,799
... and watch Sandra Bullock movies?
237
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,600
Did you guys just say "stakeout"?
238
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:32,560
Okay. Yeah. No. This has
now gone in a direction
239
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:34,350
I can no longer support,
240
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,690
so I'm going to take my wine to go,
241
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,070
and when you are done
with this stupid murder,
242
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:41,650
you can come over and
we can all turn up.
243
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,420
Ah, finally!
244
00:09:45,450 --> 00:09:48,200
This is why there's no
"Rizzoli & Isles & Sam."
245
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:51,180
So what do you think...
you and me, partners in crime?
246
00:09:51,860 --> 00:09:53,280
I actually don't hate that idea.
247
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,320
Oh.
248
00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:58,350
Sadly, the cows were the only witnesses
249
00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:00,360
to the carnage at the dairy farm.
250
00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:02,870
The killer left behind
a blood-soaked barn,
251
00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:06,630
littered with a grisly
parade of severed torsos.
252
00:10:06,660 --> 00:10:09,540
To this day, this quiet
suburb in California
253
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:12,700
is faced with two haunting questions...
254
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,800
who was this maniacal madman,
255
00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:16,880
and will he ever be caught?
256
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,789
Thank you guys so much for listening!
257
00:10:18,790 --> 00:10:20,259
- And please make sure to follow us.
- Wait, no.
258
00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:22,380
- That's it?
- We have an Instagram.
259
00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:24,160
- We have a Facebook.
- Lexi!
260
00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:26,230
Lexi, I finished that podcast.
261
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:27,659
Turns out they didn't catch the guy.
262
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:29,490
He's still out there, huh?
263
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,250
Lexi?
264
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,320
Okay.
265
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:48,870
Oh, creepy van.
266
00:10:52,650 --> 00:10:55,480
Please, I have children.
267
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:58,450
I... Oh, that feels so good to say.
268
00:10:59,994 --> 00:11:02,650
Okay. Come on, Dennis. Come on, come on.
269
00:11:06,570 --> 00:11:08,520
Dennis!
270
00:11:08,550 --> 00:11:10,980
You forgot your phone and your wallet!
271
00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:16,130
Mama's getting Quiznos tonight.
272
00:11:27,710 --> 00:11:29,890
Look at us, on a real stakeout.
273
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,260
Yeah, I know.
274
00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:33,640
Check out these crime scene photos.
275
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:36,180
His body landed in such
a strange position.
276
00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:38,500
- Yeah. Looks like a Twizzler.
- Hmm.
277
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,730
Oh, you use Prix Elevé? Very expensive.
278
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:43,980
Oh, I didn't pay for it.
279
00:11:44,030 --> 00:11:46,040
Yeah, the stupid woman
that's sleeping with Edward,
280
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:47,440
she left it at my place,
281
00:11:47,470 --> 00:11:49,860
so mine now!
282
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,410
Sure is.
283
00:11:51,460 --> 00:11:54,520
Yeah, the diamond powder is really
shimmering on your clavicle.
284
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:55,940
- Isn't it?
- Yeah.
285
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,120
- It feels so soft.
- Hmm.
286
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,619
You know, I don't even
know who this woman is.
287
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:02,120
She made him sign a
non-disclosure agreement.
288
00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:03,540
What kind of lunatic
289
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,720
makes someone they're
hooking up with sign an NDA?
290
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:08,580
Oh, well, you know, perhaps as, uh...
291
00:12:08,610 --> 00:12:11,120
as someone who is completely
an outside observer
292
00:12:11,140 --> 00:12:12,580
and has no skin in the game, um,
293
00:12:12,610 --> 00:12:14,720
she could just be judicious
with her dalliances.
294
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:17,100
Yeah, or perhaps she's a controlling,
narcissistic monster.
295
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:19,010
Oh, I don't think that that's...
296
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,389
- She's a freak.
- Right?
297
00:12:20,390 --> 00:12:23,150
- She's a gross, gross lady.
- Thank you.
298
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,769
- Yeah.
- Great taste in skincare, though.
299
00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:27,400
Yes, she is.
300
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,759
You know, I know we haven't
really gotten along too well
301
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,060
in the past, but, um...
302
00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:34,070
I've been having a really
good time tonight.
303
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:35,230
So have I.
304
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:36,790
And I know this may shock you, Nell,
305
00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:39,320
but typically, it's not that easy for me
306
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:42,410
to connect to other people,
so this has been nice.
307
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:49,920
And actually, Nell, there is, um,
something I need to tell you.
308
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,880
- Garbage!
- No!
309
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,750
Oh, trash is a true crime gold mine.
310
00:12:53,770 --> 00:12:56,239
If he leaves that in the bin, you
know, legally, we can take it.
311
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,100
- California v. Greenwood, 1988.
- ... Greenwood, 1988.
312
00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:00,930
- Stop it!
- Of course.
313
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:02,850
I listened to a four-part
special on that...
314
00:13:02,870 --> 00:13:04,701
"One Man's Trash Is
Another Man's Murder."
315
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,620
I am not a threat.
316
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,740
Oh! I said I'm not a threat!
317
00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:20,320
What do you keep in there, bricks?!
318
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:23,020
Dennis, what are you doing
lurking outside of my house?
319
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:25,910
I am not lurking. I'm being
followed by a maniac!
320
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,409
I didn't have my phone,
and I couldn't go home.
321
00:13:27,410 --> 00:13:28,766
I'd be leading the psycho
straight to my kids.
322
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:31,040
Why would you bring the
psycho to my house?!
323
00:13:31,050 --> 00:13:32,380
Get inside right now!
324
00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:37,580
Come on.
325
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,930
- Clear?
- Clear.
326
00:13:46,740 --> 00:13:47,770
- Clear?
- Clear.
327
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,020
- Okay.
- Okay.
328
00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:54,300
No, you, you. You're the
one that has the gloves.
329
00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:56,520
- These are $1,600 each!
- What?!
330
00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:58,610
It's pure mulberry silk.
The worms that made these,
331
00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:00,290
they live better lives than we do.
332
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,290
I don't even know what mulberry is!
333
00:14:07,060 --> 00:14:09,250
- Sam?
- Well, congratulations.
334
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,560
You broke Dennis.
335
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,720
I tried to calm him down
with a cucumber face mask
336
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:15,290
and an espresso martini,
but it is no use.
337
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,470
I'm just more anxious.
338
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,580
Yeah, that stupid podcast
you made him listen to...
339
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,930
- well, it scared the crap out of him.
- Jeez, what a knot.
340
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:24,210
So please tell him that it is not real.
341
00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:27,120
But it did happen. All of it. Recently.
342
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:28,650
He could be anywhere.
343
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:30,740
Yeah. I'm not gonna take
care of him all alone,
344
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:32,530
so get over here.
345
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,350
Okay, Sam. Bye.
346
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,810
God, Dennis was just not built for this.
347
00:14:36,820 --> 00:14:39,160
- Not everyone has our grit.
- I got it!
348
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,660
Hey!
349
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,450
Are you stealing my garbage?
350
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:43,950
I peed a little!
351
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,830
- Oh, so did I.
- Ew. Gross.
352
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:51,520
White women.
353
00:14:56,780 --> 00:15:00,140
I can't believe you brought
garbage to girls night.
354
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,740
I don't care what they brought.
355
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,440
The more of us are here, the harder
it is for us to be murdered.
356
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,590
Yeah. Okay. No more
espresso martini for you.
357
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,400
Thank you. I can hear colors.
358
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,870
So, what is it exactly
that you're looking for?
359
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,520
Something that connects Paul to Andrew.
360
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,780
I think I found something.
It's herbal supplements,
361
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,820
but this note is from Andrew to Paul.
362
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,836
"Paul, sorry for the
audit and the ulcer.
363
00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:22,410
This should help. Best, Andrew."
364
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,298
That bastard just threw away my pills.
365
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,970
If he's capable of this,
he's capable of anything.
366
00:15:26,980 --> 00:15:29,600
Oh, interesting. The receipt
says that he bought five,
367
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:31,670
but there's only one in
here, which means...
368
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,250
I kept four bottles for myself.
369
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,726
Our victim kept four
bottles for himself.
370
00:15:34,727 --> 00:15:35,880
She gets me.
371
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:38,090
- I knew I recognized those.
- Hm?
372
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,650
Every entry in his blog has something
373
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:43,670
about picking up after your dog
and taking those supplements.
374
00:15:43,730 --> 00:15:45,970
Dog poo is impossible to
get out of your Hokas,
375
00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:48,910
and those supplements are
a miracle cure for IBS.
376
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:50,199
I've been taking them for years.
377
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,325
He's been taking them for years.
378
00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:53,060
We're really clicking right now.
379
00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:56,840
What's even in these?
Atropine, belladonna.
380
00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:00,090
Belladonna? The FDA has been
warning parents for years
381
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:02,160
not to put it on anything
like teething rings
382
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,629
'cause it's, like, literal poison.
383
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,030
- Interesting.
- Interesting.
384
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:06,370
Interesting.
385
00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:09,160
Did I do it? Did I solve it?
386
00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:11,430
Can we watch "Hope Floats" now? Please?
387
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:13,369
The side effects of long-term
belladonna poisoning
388
00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:14,920
are muscle spasms,
389
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,630
blurry vision, dry skin, and dry mouth.
390
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,640
Let's talk through a theory
about what happened.
391
00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:22,600
- Roll with me, Nell.
- Yes.
392
00:16:22,630 --> 00:16:25,390
It's the night of our victim's death.
393
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,810
He was found wearing pajamas,
394
00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,219
so he had probably just gone to bed.
395
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:29,730
He got up. He was thirsty.
396
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,823
His trusty herbal supplements
give him dry mouth.
397
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,700
But he didn't want to drink
from the bathroom faucet.
398
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:34,719
Because that's for dogs.
399
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,730
He wanted cold water from
the fridge downstairs.
400
00:16:36,780 --> 00:16:38,100
He carefully walks down the hall,
401
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,070
feet freshly greased for bed
because of his dry skin.
402
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,240
His vision is blurry,
403
00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:44,620
so he carefully makes his way
to the top of the stairs...
404
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,160
Which is why that oily residue
was found up there.
405
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:50,390
His muscle spasms,
which cause him to slip.
406
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:52,971
Which explains why his body was
found in the Twizzler position.
407
00:16:52,972 --> 00:16:55,290
He poisoned himself and
fell down the stairs.
408
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,990
Oh, it was an accident.
He wasn't murdered.
409
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,670
This is so disappointing.
410
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:01,760
Sure is.
411
00:17:01,810 --> 00:17:04,680
I guess it's great that
he wasn't brutally killed.
412
00:17:04,730 --> 00:17:06,930
- Yeah, I guess.
- No one cared enough to kill me.
413
00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:08,120
But we did solve it.
414
00:17:08,170 --> 00:17:10,020
That's the most important thing, right?
415
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,970
Yeah. Yeah, we sure did.
416
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:14,480
We make a shockingly good team.
417
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,730
We sure do, partner.
418
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:18,320
Eww, cashews.
419
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,200
Oh, come on. Seriously?
420
00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:31,550
Did your secret lover eat my food?
421
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,870
Someone in your room, Robe Guy?
422
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,640
Oh, my God. Is your sex friend in there?
423
00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:37,910
Belongs to my lady friend.
424
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,900
What kind of lunatic
425
00:17:39,940 --> 00:17:42,340
makes somebody they're
hooking up with sign an NDA?
426
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:45,370
Eww, cashews.
427
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,560
You've been sleeping with Edward!
428
00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:57,540
The fancy bra and the skin
cream and the cashews...
429
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:58,650
that's you!
430
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,360
Okay, yes. However...
431
00:18:00,410 --> 00:18:01,900
This has been going on for weeks!
432
00:18:03,050 --> 00:18:05,700
And we've been hanging out all day,
and you haven't said anything?
433
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:07,780
Oh! Oh, I feel so stupid!
434
00:18:07,830 --> 00:18:11,080
I-I wanted to tell you.
I-I just didn't know what to say.
435
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,920
I-I'm sorry that you're
finding out this way,
436
00:18:12,940 --> 00:18:14,440
but this is a good thing,
437
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:16,700
because now you know
it's me who's with Edward
438
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,170
and... and not some crazy woman.
439
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:19,850
Oh, sure, because that's the takeaway.
440
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:20,889
And now we're friends,
441
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:22,199
so you can say everything
you wanted to say
442
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,789
to Edward's mystery
woman right to my face.
443
00:18:23,790 --> 00:18:25,800
Just let me have it, partner.
444
00:18:26,610 --> 00:18:27,640
That's the thing, Lexi.
445
00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:31,250
We're not partners or friends.
446
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,720
You're my boss, and I shouldn't
have forgotten that.
447
00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:45,500
Lexi told me what happened.
448
00:18:45,530 --> 00:18:50,530
Oh, how nice of her to share
that important information.
449
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:53,240
I'm sorry. I don't understand
why you're upset.
450
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,280
Because you're sleeping
with my boss, Edward.
451
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:57,460
That could get really
complicated for me.
452
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,040
And you lied to me about it.
453
00:19:00,090 --> 00:19:02,700
I didn't lie to you. When I asked
if you wanted to hear more
454
00:19:02,710 --> 00:19:04,643
about my sex life, you said no.
455
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,760
- I believe you said "barf."
- You knew what I meant.
456
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:10,350
That's the thing... no, I don't.
I take things literally.
457
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,500
It's a big part of what
works with Lexi and me.
458
00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:16,600
She's very blunt and spells
out everything she wants.
459
00:19:18,770 --> 00:19:21,740
I just want you to be able
to share stuff with me.
460
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,519
You know... the way that friends do.
461
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,770
They share secrets and
feelings and indoor shoes
462
00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:30,490
so that you can run to the coffee shop.
463
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:32,620
I thought I saw gravel in the treads.
464
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:35,260
All I'm saying is...
465
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:39,020
I just want to know that you're happy
466
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:43,090
and that the person that
you're with makes you happy.
467
00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:49,380
- I care about you.
- That's nice.
468
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,050
I care about you, too.
469
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:59,530
Maybe we could work on communicating
470
00:19:59,540 --> 00:20:01,380
what we need from each other.
471
00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:02,730
Like a friendship contract.
472
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,600
That's weird and clinical.
473
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,070
And I would love to.
474
00:20:08,150 --> 00:20:09,167
Nice.
475
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:15,050
And what was the 2%
Killer planning to do
476
00:20:15,070 --> 00:20:16,500
with a melon baller?
477
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,620
- Find out in episode nine.
- Oh, this is so good.
478
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:20,419
I bet you I know what he
does with the melon baller.
479
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:21,990
- Play the next one. Come on.
- No way.
480
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,189
We've been bingeing this for hours.
481
00:20:23,190 --> 00:20:24,430
I got to send you off, dude.
482
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,850
Fine. I guess my obituary writes itself.
483
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,060
Andrew Michaels was a boring accountant
484
00:20:30,110 --> 00:20:31,551
who worked behind a boring desk
485
00:20:31,570 --> 00:20:32,607
and died a boring death.
486
00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:36,260
Andrew, you weren't
just an accountant...
487
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:39,450
no, you were an IRS special agent.
488
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:41,960
You carried a gun and a badge.
489
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:43,850
You put away white collar criminals
490
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,290
and saved thousands of people
491
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:46,900
from being cheated of
their life savings.
492
00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:50,360
You weren't boring, sir.
You were a hero.
493
00:20:50,410 --> 00:20:52,100
- I did do that, didn't I?
- Mm-hmm.
494
00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:55,462
Well, I guess I can live
without being murdered.
495
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,770
- Mm.
- Thanks, Nell.
496
00:20:56,830 --> 00:20:58,300
Oh, uh, FYI,
497
00:20:58,330 --> 00:21:00,799
you can't claim Milk Duds
as a work expenditure.
498
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:01,940
Oh. Okay, time to go. Yeah?
499
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,120
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
500
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,220
Phew! Hmm.
501
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,250
It's very sweet, but does
this mean that you're here?
502
00:21:17,270 --> 00:21:19,890
If you're feeling less
angry now, then yes.
503
00:21:19,940 --> 00:21:20,980
Ohh.
504
00:21:23,210 --> 00:21:28,510
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
38721
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