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1
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:07,439
And now, back to Captain Action
Figure and his paramilitary pals.
2
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:08,741
Yay!
3
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:11,276
Oh, Tommy, we're lost.
4
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:14,418
Oh, no! I'd better contact
Captain Action Figure
5
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,427
with my special signal
ring, made with action plastic
6
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,518
- for high impact fun.
- Whoa!
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,424
I'm here, Timmy.
8
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:31,775
Lucky for you, you had your
Captain Action Figure signal ring.
9
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:34,099
Gosh, Captain, how can
I get one of these rings?
10
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:37,669
Your mommy will buy
it for you, Tommy...
11
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,838
if she loves you.
12
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,384
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
13
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:42,941
Do you love me?
14
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,877
Honey, I love you so much
I couldn't possibly express it
15
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,579
simply by buying
you a signal ring.
16
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,714
Good save, Mom.
17
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:51,616
I've learned a thing or two.
18
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:54,318
Daddy's home! And
there's exciting news.
19
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:57,934
You'll never guess what coveted
and prestigious promotion I got today.
20
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:01,793
- Toxic waste supervisor?
- Wow! You're good.
21
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:04,808
Hey, what gave it away? It
was the "coveted" part, wasn't it?
22
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:05,262
Yeah.
23
00:01:05,286 --> 00:01:08,266
Earl, that's great news.
Do you get a raise?
24
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:11,670
No, but I get this complementary
smock and two free chest X-rays a year.
25
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:14,940
- Well, we're all
very proud of you.
- Yeah.
26
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:18,543
- You think Jeff
and Moshe can come?
- Charlene? Robbie?
27
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,791
Surely, you can muster
a little enthusiasm
28
00:01:20,815 --> 00:01:22,826
for your father's
wonderful news.
29
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,582
No, no, Fran. They're teenagers.
30
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,785
We have to look at
them a little differently.
31
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:28,520
They're dead to us.
32
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:32,391
But... this one. He's still
young. And there's still hope.
33
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:36,295
And I believe now that I've ascended
to a lofty position in the business world,
34
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:37,829
he'll have a newfound respect.
35
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,799
Shut up! And move!
36
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,201
Isn't that cute?
37
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:45,571
Of course, a promotion's
a big concept for him.
38
00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,906
And his little mind
can't absorb it all.
39
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:51,877
Daddy got a new job.
40
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:55,114
Can't see the TV!
41
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,615
Forget it, Dad. His
favorite show's on.
42
00:01:57,718 --> 00:01:59,184
Not anymore.
43
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,220
Uh...
44
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,126
Wanna see Captain Action Figure!
45
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,894
What's the big deal with
this Captain Action guy?
46
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,162
He's my hero.
47
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:13,665
And just what does
he have that I don't?
48
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,601
A TV show!
49
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,669
Turn it back on!
50
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:19,737
Well, I got this smock.
51
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,706
What do you think of that?
52
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,745
Yuck.
53
00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:35,053
Boy, I got a lot of fond
memories of this park.
54
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,967
This is right where I taught
Charlene and Robbie how to swim.
55
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,225
Yeah.
56
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,693
Oh, well.
57
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,596
Yeah. So, I bet the youngsters
58
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,432
were pretty darn impressed
with the new job and all.
59
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,402
Oh. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
60
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,271
Of course, the baby didn't
quite grasp the complexities
61
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:55,106
of a career leap
of this magnitude.
62
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,842
That's why I made this neat hat.
63
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,744
- There.
- Hey!
64
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:04,182
Hey! A little ostentatious.
65
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:07,519
Hey, before you get their respect,
you gotta get their attention.
66
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,187
- Yeah.
- Whoop.
67
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,956
- Huh?
- There. Besides,
68
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,792
this is better than anything
Captain Action Figure has.
69
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,293
I don't know, pally-boy.
70
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:18,997
Seems to me the love and respect
of your child is cheapened somehow
71
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:22,067
if it's based
entirely upon a hat.
72
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:26,071
- Even a really great hat?
- Yeah, I'm afraid so.
73
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:29,819
Your children should
love you for who you are.
74
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,143
- Roy, you're right!
- Yeah.
75
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,215
Uh... But who am I to say?
76
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:39,598
I don't have any children.
77
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:42,788
- My hat!
- Huh?
78
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,924
Yep. There he goes.
79
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,326
Hey! Pally-boy!
80
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:52,130
You know, for a big fella,
you're kind of elegant in the water.
81
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,365
- I got it! I got the hat!
- Hey.
82
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,868
- Got the hat.
- Hey.
83
00:03:56,971 --> 00:04:00,005
Um, Earl, uh... Hey.
84
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:04,042
- Earl, you're glowing.
- Thanks. I'm pretty
proud of myself.
85
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:07,178
No, that's... That's
not what I meant.
86
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,147
Uh...
87
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,547
Honey, I'm home.
88
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,655
Aaah!
89
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:52,701
- Ohh!
- Ow!
90
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:55,327
- Ow!
- Ooh!
91
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,028
Ahh!
92
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,510
So, what do you
think this could be?
93
00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:15,247
Well, maybe you're allergic
to something in the toxic waste.
94
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:19,418
- Oh! Hey, look, it's fading.
- Oh. Kind of a shame.
95
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,864
It really brought out
the color in your eyes.
96
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,221
Roy, I feel kind of funny.
97
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,256
- Let's get out of here.
- Yeah, yeah.
98
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:27,625
Whoa!
99
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,794
Earl? Uh...
100
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,662
Hey, you're flying!
101
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:35,199
Oh, my gosh, you're
right! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh!
102
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:38,336
Hey. We've been friends
20 years, pally-boy.
103
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,872
You never told me you could fly.
104
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,675
This is the first
time it's ever hap...
105
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,877
pened!
106
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,079
- Whoa!
- I swear.
107
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,615
Don't make it worse with a lie.
108
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,316
Hey, let's stay focused, Roy.
109
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:55,453
I was flying!
110
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,423
Holy... Did you ever see
anything like that happen before?
111
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,191
Well, not in real life.
112
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:04,429
But, in comic books, spontaneous
flight is fairly commonplace.
113
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,898
For superheroes, that is.
114
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,467
Hey, what if the toxic waste
115
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:12,782
somehow gave you a vast
arsenal of superpowers?
116
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,473
Why, flying could
be just the beginning!
117
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:18,843
- You mean there's more?
- Let's find out. Tell me,
118
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,445
what do you see in
my change purse?
119
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,015
I see a guy with a blurred
definition of masculinity.
120
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:27,385
- No... I mean
inside the purse.
- Oh.
121
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:30,399
I wanna check out if
you have X-ray vision.
122
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,889
Oh, right! Um...
123
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,578
Jeez!
124
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,102
I said X-ray vision,
not heat vision.
125
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:45,736
Hey, I'm new at this.
126
00:06:45,838 --> 00:06:48,540
Yeah, well, thanks a lot
for burnin' my lunch money.
127
00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:52,310
Well, to tell you the truth, Roy, you
could stand to miss a few lunches.
128
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,246
What are you up to
now, 24,716 pounds?
129
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:58,083
Well, with my clothes on, yeah.
130
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:02,120
Wow! What an
astonishing array of powers!
131
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,942
Flying, heat vision, and
guessing weight to within a pound!
132
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,903
- Yeah.
- Do you know
what this means?
133
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:10,395
I'm gonna win a lot of bar bets.
134
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:13,731
No! You're a superhero.
135
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,233
And that means you
gotta use your superpowers
136
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:21,272
to fight evil wherever it
might rear its diabolical head.
137
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:23,674
- You think?
- Sure.
138
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,888
In nearly every
classic comic book,
139
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:29,247
the guy with the powers
dons a cape and tights,
140
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,816
and, using a secret identity,
141
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,686
battles for truth, justice,
142
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,021
and the Pangaean way.
143
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:40,358
Oh, boy! Hey, wait till the baby
gets a load of these powers.
144
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,495
He'll forget all about that
Captain Action Figure guy.
145
00:07:43,597 --> 00:07:45,297
Doesn't even have heat vision.
146
00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:46,865
The big weenie.
147
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,767
No! You can never
reveal your secret identity
148
00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:52,114
to the baby or anyone else.
149
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:55,498
To do otherwise would be to
place your loved ones in jeopardy.
150
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:59,911
No, they must never
know the real identity of...
151
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,446
Hey.
152
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:04,849
You need a snappy
new superhero name.
153
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,953
Whatever it is, it's got to be
something to impress the baby.
154
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,688
How about Captain Impressive?
155
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,624
- Bingo!
- Aha!
156
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,847
- Ha ha!
- Rats!
157
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:50,361
Captain Impressive appeared from
nowhere, saving thousands of lives.
158
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,607
- Wow!
- Cool.
159
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,097
But the question remains.
160
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,134
Who is this caped marvel?
This heat-vision hero?
161
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,902
This weight-guessing wonder?
162
00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,071
Who is Captain Impressive?
163
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:04,108
Well, he's a superhero, so he was
probably born on a distant planet
164
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:06,711
to a race of highly
intelligent creatures.
165
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,947
Well, I heard that he lives at the
bottom of the sea in a domed kingdom
166
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,083
made entirely of diamonds, -
167
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,630
- and big pearls.
- Really? Where'd you hear that?
168
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:18,757
- I have sources.
- Hi, honey, I'm home.
169
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:22,093
Earl, you're over an hour late
for dinner. Why didn't you call?
170
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:26,031
Well, excuse me! But it just so
happens I was out saving the whole...
171
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,498
Hmm?
172
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,513
Uh... The whole 20
cents by not calling.
173
00:09:30,537 --> 00:09:32,715
It adds up, you know.
174
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:36,051
So, uh, you guys catch that
Captain what's-his-name on TV?
175
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,576
- Oh, yeah.
- Captain Impressive!
176
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,245
Yeah, he's all over the news.
177
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:43,614
Hey, Dad, did you see him? He
caught a meteor in his bare hands.
178
00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:47,652
Yeah. Pretty brave stuff.
Quite the hero, I'd say.
179
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,655
- He's my favorite!
- Really?
180
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:53,791
You like him more than TV's
famous Captain Action Figure?
181
00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:56,227
- Way more!
- Oh.
182
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,696
I, uh... I bet you'd
like to meet him.
183
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:00,932
- Uh-huh!
- You know,
184
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,434
- you may already
have met him.
- Huh?
185
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:04,580
- What?
- Hmm?
186
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,637
Hmm?
187
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,105
Um...
188
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:10,108
in the sense that
we all have met him.
189
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,877
Um, watching TV, because, uh,
190
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,713
television is such
an intimate medium.
191
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:18,116
Oh.
192
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:21,463
So, you stopped evil in its
tracks, saved the planet...
193
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:22,954
Oh, thanks, by the way.
194
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,456
And the baby's got a new hero.
195
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:28,026
Yep! Hey, being a
superhero is none too shabby.
196
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,660
I only wish I could
take a shower.
197
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:32,196
Fran's beginning to complain
that I smell a little ripe.
198
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,665
Oh, no, no. You
must never bathe.
199
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:37,501
The sticky chemical coating
that envelops your body
200
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:39,248
is the key to your superpowers.
201
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:42,251
Should you ever shower,
you risk losing them entirely.
202
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,642
- Well, I can't
take that chance.
- No.
203
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:46,744
The baby's finally
beginning to look up to me.
204
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,024
And the world's
depending on you.
205
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:51,127
In the eternal
struggle against evil,
206
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:55,286
your powers are a sacred
gift and a precious resource.
207
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,533
Would you toast this
cheese sandwich for me?
208
00:10:57,557 --> 00:10:59,390
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah.
209
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,702
Well, well.
210
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:13,304
Sinclair! In here, now!
211
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,340
- Hey! Come on.
- Ooh! Oh! Oh!
212
00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:18,842
Uh... Uh...
213
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,778
Do you think he knows?
214
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,151
Well, well, Sinclair.
215
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,520
It looks like you've
been holding out on me.
216
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:33,457
Uh, what could you
possibly be referring to, sir?
217
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,294
Oh, nothing.
218
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,830
So, care for a cigar,
Captain Impressive?
219
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:40,898
- Whoa! Don't mind if I do.
- Ah!
220
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,535
Oh, phoo!
221
00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:47,005
Well, I guess super intelligence
isn't a part of the package, huh?
222
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,784
Please, don't tell anybody, sir.
223
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:52,310
Oh, no need to, Sinclair.
It'll be our little secret, OK?
224
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:53,655
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
225
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,981
That's quite an array of
superpowers you have there.
226
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,049
They could be very
useful to a sinister
227
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,319
multinational
conglomerate such as this.
228
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,187
Uh... Sorry, sir,
229
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:05,868
but I'm duty-bound to
fight the forces of evil.
230
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,492
As far as I can
tell, you're evil, so...
231
00:12:08,594 --> 00:12:12,730
- I'll be on my way.
- Not so fast,
Captain Imbecile.
232
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:15,332
This is your tree
pusher contract
233
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,635
you signed when you
came to work for us.
234
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,971
Do you know what it says?
235
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,273
I know what it weighs.
236
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:26,644
Page 23, paragraph
seven, sub-section D.
237
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,548
"Should you at any time obtain
supernatural powers of any sort,
238
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:33,684
all activity and proceeds
arising from said powers,
239
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:36,420
shall be under the complete
and exclusive control
240
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,557
- of the Wesayso...
- Corporation."
241
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,026
You said I didn't
have to read that.
242
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,661
Your days of upholding the law
243
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,130
and fighting for truth
and justice are over!
244
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:48,565
You're a corporate guy now.
245
00:12:56,843 --> 00:12:59,989
You want me to use my
superpowers to help Wesayso?
246
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,712
You got no choice.
We got you legally.
247
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:05,227
But, I can still get to save
lives and help those in trouble?
248
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:06,985
Oh, absolutely!
249
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,819
We encourage that sort of thing.
250
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:13,024
Just as soon as you've
completed your official duties.
251
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:19,063
Stealing over 300,000,
252
00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:21,466
making that the third
bank robbery today,
253
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,735
and part of the recent crime
spree that has plagued our fair city.
254
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:29,340
In a related story, the new Wesayso
Mall of Pangaea opened this afternoon
255
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,809
with a festive
ribbon-cutting ceremony.
256
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,612
Doing the honors was
Captain Impressive.
257
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,447
Yay!
258
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,616
Captain Impressive,
how do you justify
259
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:42,186
standing around at a mall opening
while the city is ravaged by crime?
260
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:46,191
Uh... because it would be a
crime to miss these values.
261
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,791
Come on down!
262
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:50,761
Well, I guess
everybody's got their price.
263
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:53,142
Now, now, let's not
jump to conclusions.
264
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,734
He may have superpowers, but he
also has a wife and kids and bills to pay.
265
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,213
- Hmm?
- Huh?
266
00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:00,671
Um... I'm assuming.
267
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:04,308
Besides, you know what they pay for
stopping a meteor from hitting Earth?
268
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,444
Let me tell you. Zippo.
269
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:09,681
Oh, come on, Dad. He sold out.
270
00:14:09,783 --> 00:14:13,195
There's no law that says a superhero
can't be a champion of commerce
271
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:16,819
and endorse worthwhile products
that enhance the quality of life.
272
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,255
Yeah, right.
273
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:21,125
Yes, Captain Impressive
fights a never-ending battle
274
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,272
for flavor, freshness,
and big meaty taste.
275
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,931
Wesayso Beefsticks.
They're chew-riffic!
276
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,699
He's a flying billboard.
277
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:30,868
He's my hero!
278
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,338
Yay, Captain Impressive!
279
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,485
Yeah, you see that?
Kids need to have heroes.
280
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:39,743
Yes, Earl, but what
kind of heroes?
281
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:42,981
Want beefsticks!
They're chew-riffic!
282
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:46,850
See, he's... teaching
kids about nutrition.
283
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:50,754
Those things are
chock-full of nutritious...
284
00:14:50,856 --> 00:14:52,757
- chemicals.
- I don't know, Dad.
285
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,959
It seems like he used
to stand for something,
286
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,962
but now he's at the beck and
call of a big greedy corporation.
287
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,131
Why, that's nonsense, son.
288
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,567
Oh!
289
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,635
Excuse me.
290
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:05,814
Ha!
291
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:10,007
I saw your signal in the sky.
You wanted to see me, sir?
292
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,443
Indeed I did, Captain Flunky!
293
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:15,179
Research indicates
that while you are, uh,
294
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:18,316
somewhat admired
by adults 18 to 49,
295
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:22,086
you're rated as god-like...
296
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:25,022
- by children
two to eleven.
- Yeah.
297
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:28,825
Children with significant
purchasing power.
298
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,129
This superhero thing
could be a real cash cow.
299
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:35,633
And I intend to milk
it with both hands.
300
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,435
What are you talking about, sir?
301
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:40,071
I'm talking about a
brand-new TV show
302
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,539
that'll draw those
adoring little tots
303
00:15:42,641 --> 00:15:44,742
like rats to cheese.
304
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:49,113
The Captain Impressive
Action Fun Hour!
305
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,382
- My own TV show?
- Yeah.
306
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,997
Oh, wow! Hey, hey, I could
set a good example to the kids.
307
00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:58,756
Sing songs about right and wrong,
teach them the four basic food groups...
308
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,692
Oh, don't be stupid!
This ain't public television!
309
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,761
You're gonna sit there
and sell those toys!
310
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:06,763
Hmm? Oh.
311
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:09,867
Oh! Hey, neat! It's me!
312
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,869
Hi, I'm Captain Impressive!
313
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,439
And I want you to eat
all of your fruits and...
314
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:18,509
Um, Mr. Richfield, I
think this one's defective.
315
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:19,877
No, they're all like that.
316
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,379
- But is that safe for children?
- Sure, it is!
317
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:25,249
A kid can have fun with
the doll, and afterwards...
318
00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:26,517
clean fish.
319
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,119
Oh.
320
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,065
Whoa! Now these are great!
321
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:32,723
Captain Impressive Pajamas.
322
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:35,359
Uh... Oh, wait a sec.
323
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:36,961
Are these flame retardant?
324
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,862
Uh, they're flame resistant.
325
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:42,266
Uh... They're made
out of newspaper.
326
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:44,535
They just don't
resist very long.
327
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:48,205
- Mr. Richfield...
- Mm-hmm.
328
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:51,408
I believe all the items you
plan on selling to the children
329
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,010
are shoddy and dangerous.
330
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,246
Oh, no. You're
exaggerating, Sinclair.
331
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:58,316
Everything's dangerous
if it's not used properly.
332
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,751
The Captain Impressive
Trachea Plug, sir?
333
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,521
That's clearly labeled,
"Ages 12 and older."
334
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,490
- But, sir, I...
- Look.
335
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,293
We could argue
philosophy all day long,
336
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:10,895
but I don't want to!
337
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,729
Now, you're under contract,
338
00:17:12,831 --> 00:17:15,733
so get your impressive
butt over to that TV studio.
339
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:18,069
The show starts
in three minutes!
340
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:20,505
- Sir, I...
- Move it!
341
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,407
Aaah! Up, up and away!
342
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,217
Well, he sure ain't
Captain Punctual.
343
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:40,624
Hi. I'm Captain Impressive.
344
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,593
- Not to me.
- Stand by.
345
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:45,363
And we're on in
three... two... one.
346
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:50,468
Hi, kids! Hey, and welcome to the
Captain Impressive Fun Hour, huh?
347
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:54,405
Let's get right to the fun, shall
we, with this first item up for sale.
348
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,674
Oh, yeah.
349
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,587
And this is Captain Impressive.
350
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:01,491
Hi there, kids. Don't forget
to hold your parents' hands
351
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,313
- when you cross...
- Right, OK.
352
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:06,161
Let's take a closer look at this
Captain Impressive Figurine.
353
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:08,685
Shall we? You
might expect to pay,
354
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:13,357
oh, $79 for a figurine of such
fine craftsmanship and detail.
355
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:16,527
- Cheap.
- - Heck, $60 would be a great price.
356
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,695
But you won't have
to pay that here.
357
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,431
- No, no.
- Nope.
358
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,966
You pay only $6.95!
359
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,369
Get in on the deal!
360
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,916
Hey, let's take a call,
huh? Boom! Who's this?
361
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,518
- Billy.
- Billy!
362
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:32,688
You wanted to pick up that
Captain Impressive figurine, huh?
363
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,978
- Get in on the deal!
- No, not really.
364
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:37,693
It's just that no one's ever
home and I'm kind of lonely
365
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,361
and I want to talk
to someone and...
366
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,752
Right. Thanks for calling.
367
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,222
Let's preview that
next item up for sale.
368
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,891
It's the Captain
Impressive Trachea Plug.
369
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,827
OK, let's take another call.
370
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,607
- Who's this?
- The baby!
371
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,097
Hey, original name.
372
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:56,200
So, you wanted to pick up
one of those beautiful figurines.
373
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,935
Get in on the deal!
374
00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,804
Want the trachea plug!
375
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,450
- Hmm.
- Baby?
376
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,808
- Baby Sinclair?
- Oh! How do you...? Ha!
377
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:07,010
Oh! Hi, Captain Impressive!
378
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:09,113
Can you autograph
the plug for me?
379
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:12,616
Uh, Baby, why would you want
to buy a dangerous thing like this?
380
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,651
'Cause it's got your name on it.
381
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,487
And you're my hero.
382
00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:18,356
- Ah...
- Uh, wait a second.
383
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:21,892
I wanted to be your hero,
but not to sell you things.
384
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:24,895
- You got sneakers with a pump?
- Sweetheart, what's going on?
385
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,763
Sell.
386
00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:29,633
No! This is wrong!
387
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,735
I don't wanna be a
part of this anymore.
388
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,576
Not the mama.
389
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,477
- Earl?!
- That's right.
390
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,624
And there's something
I wanna tell you, Baby.
391
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:44,915
And all the other boys
and girls out there.
392
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:48,853
Something valuable that you need
to know about this whole monopolistic,
393
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,988
evil industry that...
sells products to children.
394
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,597
Come on, kids.
395
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:04,068
Help me battle the
forces of evil high prices.
396
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:08,272
Get in on the deal! Ha ha!
397
00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:14,511
- All done, sweetheart?
- Uh-huh.
398
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,081
Good job.
399
00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:20,051
Hmm?
400
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,852
Oh.
401
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,122
Well, I showered.
402
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,224
And...? How do you feel?
403
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,961
I don't feel super.
But I smell a lot better.
404
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:33,230
Maybe you should try
doing something super.
405
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,599
Oh, OK. Um...
406
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:40,604
18,043 pounds.
407
00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:42,440
You're mortal again.
408
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,902
And I'm not speaking to you.
409
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,914
Yeesh.
410
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:54,217
Um... Hi there.
411
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,053
It's me... Daddy.
412
00:20:57,156 --> 00:21:00,991
Um... Oh! Um, I got
something for you.
413
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,661
Look. It's Captain Impressive.
414
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:05,829
Eh...
415
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:09,366
Um, I fixed him so
he's safe to play with.
416
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,001
So, um...
417
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:14,438
You can... play with him.
418
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,308
Don't like him.
419
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,109
How come?
420
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,645
Doesn't have
superpowers anymore.
421
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:24,281
Not a superhero.
422
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:27,984
Well, I'll let you
in on a little secret.
423
00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:31,955
If you take off the cape and the
mask and the funny costume...
424
00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:35,092
sometimes you find a
real hero underneath.
425
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:39,230
- Looks like you.
- That's the point.
426
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,765
You see, daddies are heroes too.
427
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,667
And mommies.
428
00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:46,036
We may not have heat vision,
429
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,773
but we go to back-breaking,
mind-numbing jobs
430
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:50,775
so you can grow up comfortably
431
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:53,544
and have some nice
things in your life.
432
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:55,479
It may not be flashy...
433
00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:57,347
but it's real.
434
00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:02,420
Do you understand?
435
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,355
I think so.
436
00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:10,161
Guess my weight!
437
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:18,068
Jeez. Kids don't appreciate
you and don't care what you do.
438
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,136
Hmm.
439
00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:25,743
Hey. Woo hoo...
440
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,678
I'm Captain Daddy!
441
00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:31,882
Going to work a
mind-numbing job!
442
00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:34,485
Honey, I'm home!
443
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:38,289
Yay, Captain Daddy!
31508
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